It all started with Kjirsten’s “zoomers.” In case you missed her comment/suggestion on I Love Pain (which apparently she does too), let me summarize for you:
Zoomers by Kjirsten
1. While straddling the treadmill, set it to level 10 (6 min. miles).
2. Jump on and run like mad for 10 seconds.
3. Increase the incline to 3. Run for 10 seconds.
4. Increase incline again to 7. Run for 10 seconds.
5. Drop down to O incline and level 6 (10 min. miles). Run for 10 seconds.
6. That’s one zoomer. If you feel so inclined, repeat.
Which is how Gym Buddy Allison and I found ourselves straddling treadmills whirring so quickly that hamsters everywhere trembled in fear.
Allison: No.
Me: You can totally do this.
Allison: No.
Me: We have to try it.
Allison: I cannot run that fast. I’m going to eat it.
Me: You will not. We run faster than this when we sprint around the track.
Allison: Fine. You go first.
Me: Do you promise to pick me up if I become a flesh-colored skidmark?
Allison: Only after I’m done laughing.
Me: Fine.
We then proceeded to watch the spinning belts for about ten minutes, occasionally testing it with one shoe, like a swimmer would toe the water. People stared. Finally, I jumped on the treadmill. The first step or two were rocky but I quickly hit my stride and realized that 6 minute miles look a lot faster than they feel. Much heartened, I turned to encourage her and with one last eye roll she jumped on. Turns out girl can run faster than level 10. A lot faster. She overran the belt and smacked into the hand rail. I laughed so hard that I lost my footing and had to jump off. This made her laugh and jump off. Our completely unmanned treadmills cried victory. There was giggling all around (even from the very manly guy on the treadmill next us).
But not to worry, we eventually figured it out and did three. We may have redeemed ourselves with the Zoomers but…
It Gets Worse
That was only the beginning of the physical comedy. On the clean & press, I whacked my clavicle so hard it left an olympic-bar shaped mark. Allison bent down to change the weight on the cable machine and smacked her head on the bar you are supposed to hold so you, you know, don’t hurt yourself. On the chest press I made a face so grotesque that Allison thought I was having a seizure – and instead of getting me medical aid, she laughed so hard that she couldn’t spot me anymore and that made me laugh and I almost dropped the bar on myself. Allison tried a hanging bar dip and got stuck at the bottom, dangling between the bars like a caught fish while I laughed until I cried.
The Best of the Worst
But by far the best comedic moment of the day was down at the child-care area. At our gym, they give us pagers in case of a poop emergency. These pagers vibrate and so, understandably, we occasionally refer to them as… vibrators. Apparently someone forgot to turn their pager in and so the staff was asking anyone if they had taken one home.
Staff: Do have one at home?
Allison: One what?
Staff points at the pager
Allison, cheerily: Oh, you want to know if I have a vibrator at home?
*awkward pause*
Staff: Let’s just call them pagers, okay?
Allison, beet red: Well then, no I don’t have one.
Okay, now I’m laughing so hard I can’t type anymore. This day!!! Share with me your best moment of gym hilarity and we’ll make this the Official Day of Gym Bloopers!
And this video? Will make your day.
OMG Charlotte, I was laughing SO HARD reading that!!! ahh, good times at the gym…it’s definitely fun to look back on! 😀
Oh, thanks for that! I’m laughing my butt off!
Let’s see, I’ve swallowed bugs on numerous occasion (just Sunday, in fact). Once when I was power lifting, I had worked my legs so hard on the leg press that when I stood up I fell right back down. Then I laid in the floor laughing for awhile before crawling to a bench. Mostly just the usual, though. Getting stuck in the down position on squats, unable to stand back up, whacking my collarbones on cleans, scraping my knees up on dead lifts.
Great post, Charlotte!
I was doing dumbbell presses with too much weight (and alone). (My excuse: I was trying to find the right weight to lift.) I got into position just fine, but then I got to thinking about what percentage of my bodyweight I was lifting.
Nowhere to go but up, right? Wrong.
My right arm went up. My left arm went down. I did a beautiful pirouette off the bench right to my belly with the two weights right in front of me.
That’s the best I got that doesn’t involve dropping someone at the climbing gym or my workout partners who only had a good set if they laughed too hard to finish…
Eek! Forgot to mention…
It seems to me that with that zoomer workout that you would be constantly changing the incline on the treadmill. Am I the only person who is a little intimidated by the task of changing the settings every 10 seconds?
And…
“If you feel so inclined…” Funny… “inclined”… 🙂
LOL!! You two crack me up!!! My hilarious moment was forgetting to balance the bar out with equal weight and wondering why one side was heavier than the other. Not just once, but twice, on the same day! Different exercise though. Did it on the bench then on the squats. I have also pushed through a lift that was heavier than I thought and surprised that I actually did it. Tried it out the next time I lifted and couldn’t budge it.
Gym Buddy Mike
too many to mention but they all involve being tired/distracted and not paying attention *and* getting smacked in the head.
Im so coordinated that way (Im like you completely UNathletic in traditional sport-ways so Ive come to expect my 3 stoogesesque moments.)
none involving vibrators though.
sigh.
M.
A few months ago at my fitness center, I suddenly noticed a woman, who I later found out was 75 years old, running frantically on a treadmill that had just gone out of control and was going at full speed!! She was yelling for help and I ran over and hit the “kill” switch! She was a small, fit lady, and other than being a little shaken up by the experience, was fine! This woman was a “Zoomer” before zoomer was cool! Pretty dam impressive!
Dr. J
LOL. Getting on is the hardest part! The belt make it look so scary,the first time I did them I thought I was going to me sucked under a whirling treadmill of death! But it’s true a 6 min mile looks a lot faster staring at the belt than it really is.
you did forget one thing with zoomers though, before you up the incline, you need to increase the speed :)a level (e.g. from 10 to 11) however, some treadmills don’t go higher than 10.
Glad you tried them, they’re kind of fun once you get the hang of them (another tip should you try to do it again, have your partner adjust the incline and speed for you while you’re on it, less potential for losing footing).
Killed myself laughing reading that! Charlotte, you’ve got the best experiments. (Although I have to say that those kind of videos just make me cringe.)
My mum used to be this superathlete and could run a 6 minute mile for 10 miles straight at the height of her training. I have NO IDEA how anyone can do that (or even manage a couple minutes going at that speed… that is bloody fast!).
Too funny!!!!!
I can’t do step classes anymore because I have a tendency to step on a bad angle and send the whole thing (and myself) toppling over, sometimes taking others with me in the process.
Oops.
I did manage to fall off the pilates reformer once, which, believe me, is NOT easy to do!
And I had a dance teacher, when i was a kid, who learned how to do splits by falling off the balance beam and landing in a split. During a gymnastics tournament.
You all made me giggle:)
Gena – I can totally picture you crawling off the leg press! That must’ve been hilarious!! Glad I’m not the only who smacks herself on the cleans…
Swerdna – I have totally done the EXACT same thing!!! And you’d think constantly changing the settings would be hard but it actually wasn’t bad. Kjirsten’s idea of having a buddy do it is good too!
MizFit – Ah, we’d make good workout partners:) I swear I’m always bruised somewhere!
Dr. J- everyone should have a Dr. J around! I bet everyone else was just standing around watching the poor woman. Kudos to you for stepping in.
Kjirsten – Yeah, our treadies only go up to a level 10. We were kind of bummed by that because we really could have run faster. Thanks for the idea! We’ll def. be doing them again!
Sagan – I’m so impressed with your mom right now I’m speechless. I’d be hard pressed to run even one 6 minute mile.
Azusmom – I have totally gone down in step class just like that! I had a friend who used to fake falling off just for entertainment value:)
Charlotte… deep breath… 😀
This didn’t take place in the gym, but once, while riding my bike in high school, I rode into the street not knowing it was freshly paved with BURNING HOT TAR and I flipped over the insta-melting tires, landed on all fours, and had to be pulled from the gravel by construction workers. Surgery, second/third degrees burn to 20 percent of my body, no use of my arms or legs for two months. Beat THAT people!
PS I no longer ride bikes.
Leslie – that is NOT funny. Egads, girl. Glad you survived all right and have fully functioning limbs again.
Swerdna – duly noted;)
I used this post as my ab workout today. I think I’ve read it 5 times! And it still makes me laugh. You are a funny girl! And so gutsy. I think I’m going to try the zoomers at home on my treadmill before trying them at the gym. They look kinda fun (in a really scary ‘let’s go cliff jumping’ kind of way)!
Okay, maybe I am going to UN-enroll my girls from gymnastics! That was a great video. I miss working out with a buddy. Good for you & Allison!
Laughter at the gym can be dangerous. =)
This is why I like having a buddy with me at the gym. If I’m alone and I do something dumb I’m just a dork, but if I have a buddy to laugh with then I am having fun.
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