Photo Credit: Flippin’ Sweet GearIn my life I’ve had many occasions to hear how different women and girls talk about their weight and body image. Not because I’m special but because we all talk about this kind of thing a lot. We’ve all witnessed the post-ice-cream meltdowns of a normal girl who considers herself a chubby failure. There are a plethora of books out there, both love and hate, about how obese people feel about themselves. Recently we’ve been hearing more along the lines of the body-acceptance movement, which I think is a welcome change. But you know who we don’t hear from very often? Naturally very thin girls.
Hey, Beanpole
Confession time: When I see an extraordinarily thin girl my first thought is eating disorder. Having lived it myself, I kind of pride myself on my ability to spot the behaviors from a mile away. But sometimes I’m wrong. There is a small segment of the population that is naturally uber-skinny. I’m not one of them and so I think I have a hard time understanding them. Plus there’s always the jealousy.
About a century ago, super skinny gals were not the sexy ideal that they are now. Take this ad from the early 1900s:
Photo Credit: Modern Mechanix
For most of humankind’s history, thin girls have tried everything to gain weight. So perhaps it is only fair that they have come into their own now. Although I do think it is a case of people just wanting whatever is rare. In a society where food is scarce, Rubenesque women are idolized while in our society where food is a plague, thin is the ideal.
However, I do not think that there are as many naturally thin girls as claim to be. If by some twist of events chubby suddenly got cool I bet you’d see half of Hollywood balloon overnight, platitudes of “I eat cheeseburgers all day and never seem to gain weight, waaaah!” completely forgotten.
So what does a thin girl think of herself in our warped society? Check out this account. I must admit I’m torn. On one hand I want to smack her silly for her snottiness and tone of superiority. The way she treats her poor little sister is atrocious. And yet… she’s fifteen. If my fifteen-year-old thoughts became blog fodder I probably wouldn’t have a friend left in the world.
She does make some interesting observations. I was surprised by her perception of persecution by her peers. And that she refuses to wear miniskirts or shorts in public because she thinks they make her look anorexic. I have to admit that a small part of me still smells eating disorder on her, even if she won’t admit it (“I actually am only able to eat a smallish amount at a time […] I hate feeling full”). It’s all a little too reminiscent of Elyse Sewell on America’s Next Top Model Cycle 1 and all of her whining about being mis-labeled anorexic while she did things like only eat one bowl of oatmeal a day. (Back before I gave up TV I was an ANTM junkie. I’m so ashamed.)
So my question is this: is this really how skinny girls think?
This girl is definitely a health snob! I didn’t eat a lot when I was younger too, and I was always horrified by the amount my friends could put away – I genuinely think she’s grown up in an uber-healthy family and it really seems strange to her that her little sister has fallen so far from the tree (however I think it’s quite clear to anybody reading it what her baby sister’s issues are – and it’s really quite sad).
Every thin person is different, has different eating habits from each other, different hang-ups, different world views, just like the rest of us. My boyfriend’s pretty skinny and has some of the same hang-ups as the girl in the article, but he’s not a health-nut like she is. He can happily sit and eat a packet of cookies in one sitting and frequently does!
I do get angry for skinny folks though – it’s like they have to just “take” everyone going on about how thin they are, whereas if somebody said the same about a fat person there would be OUTRAGE.
Bizarrely, I’ve just posted a response to Sharon’s latest at Goodbye To All Fat on a very similar theme after she made a unsubstantiated comment about a skinny guy who “needs decent meal”. I feel jealous of skinny types too, but it doesn’t mean we should be cruel about somebody’s size – we wouldn’t like it if somebody did the same to us.
TA x
dang you TA for saying many of my thoughts.
exp the 6th and 7th words of yer first sentence.
and I wonder, Char, what youd think seeing me. as Im SO NOT ABOUT THE SKINNY—–yet would you perceive me as such?
retreats so as not to hijack comments with her LETS GET BIG PEOPLE. BUFF. thoughts.
email me 🙂
Miz.
I have to confess that I too sometimes wonder if the ultra-thin types are eating enough, but I’ve known at least one woman who ate normal portions of healthy food and just couldn’t put on weight.
And MizFit–I don’t think the folks with muscular lean bodies like yours tend to fall into that “hmm…how did she get that way” category. It’s really clear that you need lots of healthy fuel to build muscle!
I do think it would be great if we could all hold off making any kind of judgments based on appearance, but alas, I’m afraid it’s human nature to be curious and skeptical sometimes. At least we can hold off SAYING anything unless we know for sure there’s a problem.
Back in the day when I wasn’t a little prego ball (by the way, I too can wrap my fingers around my wrist, imagine that) I was really fairly thin. I was also very toned with really good muscle definition, and people always seemed a bit shocked if they saw me in a tank top.
“Wow, you got some muscle girl!”. Maybe my work dress code showed me as thin, as opposed to fit.
The relationship between thin people and the less so is very interesting. I think people also like to assume that if you are thin, you have an eating disorder, as opposed to, you work out an hour every day and eat a healthy diet. Personally, I feel I can tell the difference, but in my case, people did not, and I was often left with sarcastic, innuendo loaded little comments about my weight if I passed on the crappy costco birthday cake, or the office doughnut. I felt that my collegues chose to believe I probably had an ED, but somehow were blind to my going running everyday during my lunch break or never seemed to notice that the lunch I bring everyday is copious, but also does not include any junk food.
I guess I am trying to say that it goes both ways, I think sometimes we might sometimes be too quick to credit a thin figure to an ED…
Enough rambles.
My best friend is over 6 feet tall, and weighs in at about 130 lbs. I hated going to the mall with her when we were younger, because all the modeling scouts would rush her as soon as we walked in the door. Did I mention she’s a gorgeous Native American?
People were always accusing her of not eating, or of purging, and I know it bothered her. Truthfully, though, she ate just as much as me, even though I was exercising several hours a day (sports) and she did nothing active. Some people really do win the genetic lottery.
On the flip side, I knew someone else with the same physical stats, and she did have an ED. Put them side by side and you would have a hard time guessing who was eating and who wasn’t.
So while I should and do know that not all skinny gals refuse food, I do find myself thinking on occasion that someone needs to eat. But I always try to remind myself that every person is different, and I can’t judge a stranger based solely on her appearance.
Very interesting. I feel really bad for her youngest sister. It would be so hard to grow up in a family like that. She probably isn’t even chubby. She is probably average size but perceived as chubby next to her super skinny family. Poor thing.
I don’t personally know any really skinny people, naturally or otherwise. But when I see them in life, I will admit that my first thought is, “girl, you need to eat a hamburger!”
I think it is interesting that skinny people would feel persecuted when Hollywood/ the media would have us believe that is ideal. So it makes me wonder. Are people snarky to them because they are jealous? Or do people really not find it attractive / desirable, and it is just Hollywood and the media that make it seem like it is desirable.
tokaiangel – I just finished reading your post about being a recovering anorexic while dating a vegan. FABULOUS post, girl. Anyhow, it made me think of the different way we view thinness in men versus women as well.
mizfit – Um NOOOOOOO! You don’t look “skinny” to me but rather very muscular. I would def. say you look like you know your way around a weight room and obviously take good care of your health to build such gorgeous muscle. I don’t know how big you are but you “feel” big to me!
crabby – glad I’m not the only one who has those thoughts sometimes. And you’re right, there’s a huge line between thinking them and saying them. I don’t ever vocalize that kind of sentiment. I try not to talk about a person’s weight – no matter what it is.
Alice – thanks for another perspective! I guess it just goes to show that people can be harsh no matter who you are. Sadly.
Robin – I had the same thoughts about her little sister. I guess that’s what irritated me so much about this piece. It would have been one thing for the girl to just say “I’m thin, quit making fun of me.” But when she put her body expectations on her differently sized sis, it got me all riled;)
I, too, feel bad for the youngest sister. At that age she shouldn’t be worrying about working out and dieting. Sheesh. Sounds like a family that eats healthy, which is great, but it sure does sound like they are conscious of their weight.
Growing up, the only time we ate at restaurants is when we were traveling away from home. My Mom was very health conscious and made sure we ate our veggies. I have a sister who is a year and a half younger than me, we ate the same food – she probably ate better than me because she loved all vegetables, while I tolerated a few – and she was the “chubbier” one (up until she got braces and couldn’t eat anything). My point here being – it wasn’t that my sister had bad eating habits, so it seems most likely that it was genetics. She may have grown out of the chubby phase even without the braces.
When I was old enough to start thinking about weight (mid-late teens) I really didn’t understand about being overweight. I had more or less the same view as this girl seems to have – if you are overweight, stop eating McDonald’s all the time (yes, major paraphrasing there).
It’s hard not to see an extremely thin person and think “eating disorder”, but some of those people very likely are that way naturally. It is hard to feel bad for them though, when everyone else wants to be thin. The grass is always greener…
It’s hard not to see an extremely thin person and think “eating disorder”
—-
such a great point and, especially for me, when they arent talltall or what appears to be genetically predisposed ( as with a good friend of mine who is asian and whose entire family is small)
Ive realized that this is SO JUDGMENTAL of me—which I hope is the first step….
Miz.
One of my friends in high school was very very thin, but it was a genetic thing (as far as I know). She once mentioned to me how hard it was for her to gain weight, but how she could never tell people that because they’d say something like “I’d love to have that problem” or just look at her like she was complaining about winning the lottery. On the one hand, she was fitting in with the thin “goal” that many women have. But she had a lot of trouble keeping her weight up, so for her it was just as much a problem as for an overweight person trying to lose weight.
I have another friend who’s naturally very small and eats a lot. Her boyfriend works for Whole Foods so they definitely eat well. She doesn’t eat a lot of junk, and she’s a size 0. Her problem is that with the vanity sizing, the size 0 outfits are starting not to fit. Then what does she do? Shop in juniors? She’s nearly 30.
I think that it’s hard (maybe not as hard as for overweight people, since they get more flak, and don’t have the body image that everyone’s apparently trying to get, but at least they can push back when people say things to them about their weight).
And even though I know some people are naturally skinny, I do sometimes see people who I automatically label as anorexic. It usually has to be pretty extreme though, like the lady on the subway yesterday who did have muscle but very little else. It looked like if you touched her, her bones would fall apart or something. And maybe she was naturally skinny. It’s just so hard to tell sometimes. So I try not to judge (at least, not outwardly. I can’t stop my brain, unfortunately…)
Athletic and toned, Miz!
That’s where it’s at.
That’s where you is 🙂
(You too C!)
The problem with being thin in todays society is that its so very noticeable since about half the population is overweight. It has become almost rare to see naturally thin people so it raises suspicions.
I just think its really sad that girls as young as 11 worry about these kinds of things.
dunno. not naturally rail thin. im actually not rail thin at all, but you know what i mean.
I cant think of anyone that is naturally super thin, though. im sure there are people out there that are- i just havent come across it. ive come across many that claim to be (myself included when i was in the depths of my eating disorder) yet dont eat anything. thats not naturally thin. and i know plenty of people that are are what would be considered thin, but eat normally. and dont work out. at all. they aren’t that sunked and boney thin that im thinking of though.
i get backhanded comments about how i need to eat more, or im too thin. im not “thin,” im fit. i hate how because im smaller than most (i have little frame) i automatically dont eat.
so i can see how frustrating it would be for someone that IS naturally super thin, even though they eat normally (whatever that is) cause im sure they catch a lot of flack- especially from other women.
http://www.groundedfitness.com
Unfortunately the media drives thoughts into the heads of the masses. What and how do they decide to promote? The media is rather silly!
I was the skinny, awkward girl in middle school and high school. I ate whatever I wanted and didn’t think much about it. I was voted biggest eater in high school and was told that when I went off to college, I was going to gain a TON of weight. I was fine with my eating, level of physical activity and life until I kept hearing this from people. So what did I do when I went off to college? I starved myself. Lost 20 lbs and proved them wrong! In the meantime, I developed an eating disorder and messed up my metabolism.
Fortunately, I was able to regain control of my eating, gained some weight back and and have lived a fairly normal life since. I still am a very active person and because of this, I eat a lot. I am 36 and am self conscious of my arms. They are so skinny but muscular and my veins pop out. It is kinda gross. What’s the point? Even if we are thin, there are still things we don’t like about ourselves.
I have come to terms with my arms and know that the day will come when I wish they looked like this!
Darcy
This post was really thought provoking and I’m afraid I may come off sounding like an ass. I do think skinny girls think like this to a certain extent b/c I was/am a skinny chick and sadly my family is similar to this girl’s.
I’m one of 4 sisters and three of us are pretty short and referred to as sticks, as is my mother. One of my sisters is 5′ 10″ and has curves to die for. I’m incredibly envious of her cleavage (my breasts have never met, not even with the help of a super engineered bra). However, my father considers this sister fat and I’m afraid when we were younger my sisters and I picked up on this and being cruel kids, picked on her. Thankfully, we’ve all matured and come to peace with each other, but I’m afraid my sister will always suffer from insecurities and we’re partly to blame.
And now, as an average woman, but considered skinny by many, there are times when it really annoys me when people tell me to eat more and “Anya will take home the left over pie, she needs it”. Why do I feel like rolling my eyes? B/c I actually have the dreaded apple figure (my arms and legs are slim, the belly is another matter) and I’m trying to eat better in order to take off the weight that is upping my chances for cancer, heart disease, and diabetes (things that also run in my family). But this isn’t exactly fun party conversation, so I just smile and say no to the 3rd hot dog. On day I’ll get up on a table, strip and show them all my gut…now that would be the party to remember!
As a resident of Japan, I really think perceptions are distorted in the U.S. There are many, many women here of all ages and looks who are naturally very thin. People in the U.S. don’t realize how the food and eating culture there has distorted things. Japanese come back from travels and can’t wait to relate stories about the huge amounts of food.
I have a very thin 7 year old son and twice now I have actually had adults ask if I think he might have an eating disorder.
No, he doesn’t. He just isn’t into food the way I am. When he gets a sugar cookie with sprinkles he like to eat each sprinkle, seperately, and slowly. Then he nibbles the cookie in small methodical bites while he makes up stories about the cookie being a planet of tiny people that is slowly being destroyed by his black hole mouth. Meanwhile his little siblings are begging for his cookie because they finished their’s an hour ago.
Every dinner ends with us begging him to finish so we can finally start the dishwasher. He eats it all… just very slowly.
He is very skinny, but I refuse to give him cheetos, candy, and chips (foods he does eat quickly) in order to beef him up. Instead I force him to finish his PB&J on wheat and give him whole milk. But he is still skinny.
I think genetics do play a huge part in it. Some people do have a smaller bone structure than others and shouldn’t be persacuted for it. Its the uber skinny girls that look gaunte that worry me.
I think we all need to stop commenting out loud about people’s appearances (like Mizfit said, that’s the first step). I grew up with lots of comments about my weight (my favorite being “You’re not fat yet, but you have to be careful” when I was a kid, way before puberty). I also had a friend when I was younger who ate copious amounts of food and was still extremely skinny, while never working out. It’s just how she was.
I eat well and work out a lot, but maybe a lot of people would look at me and not believe it (until they took my pilates class and I kicked their butt, heh heh heh!) because I have a tummy. Yes, a pilates teacher with a tummy! Shocking, lol!
We come in many forms. As long as we take care of ourselves, I don’t think we should be made to feel guilty for how we look.
As far as getting angry at the skinny-minis, I only get angry at the ones who lie about it, disparage others who don’t look like they do, or encourage EDs.
This is a tough one for women because we are always comparing ourselves to each other. In highschool I was slightly overweight and my sister was slim. I lost 20 pounds and she gained 40 and now she makes fun of me and calls me anorexic (I’m 140 pounds and 5’7″, no where near underweight for my height). She is just being spiteful and I understand why so I ignore it, but it does create distance between us.
My best friend is naturally underweight. She doesn’t pig out, but she does eat healthy food with a side of treats and is generally very happy with her figure. Unfortunatley “concerned” coworkers feel the need to comment on her weight, which makes her insecure, and for weeks after she carries around protien bars trying to add bulk. I am sometimes jealous of her Audrey Hepburn figure, but I would never tell her that.
I’m with Sagan. Kids today don’t have much time to just be kids anymore. And unless you live in some cave, girls get bombarded with all these distorted images in the media about beauty.
From my own growth and healing from an ED, I came to see that when I scrutinized or made snap judgments about other people and their appearance that it was also a reflection of my own criticalness towards myself. When I stopped being so tough on myself and my body, and started to really appreciate the other parts of me, more the internal stuff, then I noticed slowly over time I am seeing less “bodies” and more smiles, glows, saddness, pain, expressions. I am becoming more conscious of the energy (vibes) that people exude versus what their “packaging” looks like. It’s a tough challenge we have in the world today of how to be present yet be unattached to the physical.
I do know some really thin people, only one is the “natural thin” who eats everything and doesn’t work out. But the rest of us – we work our masses off and cut calories like crazy. My naturally thin friend does get “accused” of being anorexic and it bugs the crap out of her.
I recently have been accused of the same thing and wanted to smack the crap out of the person (but they are related to me). I wanted to scream that I work really hard to get my body this way (which I think is muscular, not thin) and how dare they diminish my hard work by saying I am anorexic. But I said nothing.
i agree with your post.
i have a friend she’s always complaining about how “skinny” she is but then she only eats one meal a day and skips meals occasionally and she supposedly always want to gain weight but when i offer her food she refuses hmm don’t see how thats going to work…
but i also have to counter with what you said. some girls really are just naturally thin
i myself is one of them
i have a relatively high metabolism, 5’3″ 88 pounds and i can tell you right now i eat a TON my family calls me a skinny pig and i really hate how people who passes by me giving me weird looks or people i dont know thinking im anorexic so really it all depends on the “skinny” person
i personally think girls with some meat on them is more attractive as to someone like myself
i am a naturally skinny girl. i used to be a little thicker in high school, but now that im in college and working, sometimes i forget a meal or two. then i get used to it and it becomes a cycle. i find myself eating less now and getting full quicker.
BUT i do have a pretty nice ASSet, if you know what i mean. i’m scared to lose it (not to sound artificial) but i hope to keep it. so i’m thinking about going on a “gaining weight diet” where i eat twice as much and more times during the day. wish me luck!
fortunately, i have never been called anorexic (not to my face anyway). people have bagged on me about how skinny i am but i know it’s just envy. they never fail to mention my assets!
My mom is really thin and I am not. My mom has always told me stories about being picked on for her weight (with nicknames like “stretch” and “bean pole”) She’s always told me that she has felt really unconfortable in her own skin, and it is really hard for her to gain weight, because if she is running late for work in the morning and doesn’t have time to eat breakfast (for example) her body drops 2 pounds.
She’s told me that she used to eat whole sticks of butter straight out of the fridge in efforts to gain weight. She’s been to her doctor and he’s given her shakes to drink which will hopefully help.
Anyway, I do not have her body type at all, which makes dinner sort of hard…And while I understand the problem that she has with her weight, she can’t understand mine. She thinks if I just eat a little less, I’ll magically be thin. (sounds suspiciously like the girl in the article, right?)
What I don’t think either of them understand is that every person’s body is different, and it is possible for two people who eat exactly the same stuff to have completely different bodies.
I'm 16, 5'5" and 116 lbs. I eat healthy and don't excercise as much as I probably ought to. I have natural curves, and I am perfectly comfortable with my body.
I'm not even as skinny as half of my friends(they eat more too). Yet my stepmother insists I'm not eating enough and trying to be skinny. I'm not. I hate it though, it makes me angry and upset. It's really rude, and I'm tired of it. She won't stoip though, even though she made my Dad have the doctor check me out, and the Doctor said I was fine.
Thank goodness no one else has been rude enough to make comments about my body. That's what they are. just plain rude.
So I found this article via 'skinny girl fitness' via google search engine. i am skinny and have been all my life. i have 3 kids and i am still very thin. i have never had an eating disorder, i used to wear sweaters in houston summers to keep my skinny arms covered up, and i have looked for all sorts of remedies to 'bulk' up. of course i'm not trying to get fat so i can't pig out on junk food. i'm conscious of what i eat. at this age with three kids i'm just thankful for my metabolism and genetics. and no it's not ok to tell a skinny girl she needs to eat! it's very hurtful.
I’m fucking 75 pounds and 17 and I can’t do anything about it
I find it really offensive how many people label very thin girls anorexic. Most of them aren’t and for the ones who are, they can’t help being anorexic. It’s a disorder. I’m sick of people telling me I’m too skinny and need to each more. I eat plenty of food for your information. So don’t tell me to eat more because there is only so much food I can shove down my mouth and fill up my stomach with up each day. And even then I won’t gain weight so stop making naturally skinny people feel like there’s something wrong with them!