Except my (pilfered) vest was way tougher than this wussy one! Yeah I eat nails for breakfast.When I say “sweating like Matthew Mcconaughey” I do not mean in the way that he does not wear deodorant. I’m a big fan of deodorant. In fact, with the way I sweat I should just roll Secret on from head to toe. But I usually just stick to my pits. Just wanted to get that out of the way.
Photo Credit
“Whose is this?”
Everyone shrugged. “Put it on,” Gym Buddy Megan suggested. That was all the encouragement I needed to continue my petty crime.
I pulled it over my head. Problem 1: it had more straps than your average straight jacket. Not that I’d know that from experience. I just… you know, know things. Ahem.
After layering and cinching a multitude of Velcro straps, I did what any reasonable person wearing a weighted vest would do. I struck a Charlie’s Angels pose and then pretended to take a hit on my Kevlar vest.
Knowing I had limited time before the proper owner would return for their expensive little piece of gym couture, I decided to attempt every kind of workout I could think of – in under 2 minutes. I jumped rope. (Imaginary rope, actually. Our Y has a nefarious rope thief on the loose who steals all the long human-sized ropes. The fitness director has retaliated by purchasing 1,675 munchkin-sized ropes. So rather jumping rope, you’re pretty much just subjecting yourself to 50 lashes. All we need is the back side of a barn to really make it authentic. Or a pirate ship. Which incidentally, if anyone from the Y is reading this, a pirate ship is exactly the kind of awesomeness we need.)
I also ran on the treadmill, squatted, lunged, jumping jack-ed and for my grand finale, did a headstand. Gym Buddy Allison challenged me to a cartwheel which I totally would have done except there was no room.
To nobody’s surprise, the vest – weighing approximately 20 pounds, which we know because Gym Buddy Lisa took it over to the mammoth medical scale in the middle of the fitness floor (nice positioning, eh?) and weighed it for me – made squatting, lunging and jumping much, much harder. It was not uncomfortable though. In fact, I found it much nicer than holding dumb bells or a bar. All the weight was strapped to my abdomen like so many pounds of dirty bomb and so stayed nice and tight while I moved. No joint pain. No accidental whacking of sternum or dropping on toes or narrowly missing Gym Buddy Allison’s head as I swing wildly around to see what she’s laughing at. I dug it.
Running on the other hand, was not only harder but sucked much. I anticipated it being difficult to keep pace (and it was) but the vest bounced up and down a lot just like when I give my kids piggy back rides and the only place they can think to hold on to is right around my throat. Plus it was crazyfreakingawful hot in there. Like I’m-trapped-in-the- sauna- with- nary- a- grilled- cheese- in-sight hot. Like suffocating. Not like Paris Hilton.
It did nothing for my yoga practice.
Upon further investigation by the Gym Buddies and I, we decided that the vest was definitely made for a man which explained the ultra big arm holes and therefore the uncomfortable bouncing. Do they make women’s weighted vests? I have no idea but if they do, they’re probably pink. ‘Cause you know all girls love pink.
And then the inevitable happened. “R wants to know what you’re doing with his vest,” Lisa announced upon returning from her Voyage to the Scale, “and he sounds pissed.”
Chagrined, I immediately removed it and placed it back on the stretching mats. I have to admit, I kind of liked it. Especially once I noticed it had little pockets to add even more weight in. It would really save my neck (okay traps and shoulders) on back squats. Plus I’d be safe from sniper fire. It’s a win-win.
Moral of the story: I cannot be trusted around unattended fitness equipment. It’s a sickness, really.
Any of you tried a weighted vest? Love it? Name it? Do a headstand in it? Anybody have a Kevlar vest they’d like to share for an experiment??
sending you over my kevlar vest from when I was a wannabe detective.
oh, and I think s’mores would have been a more appropriate post-workout-hot-rocks-treat to make 😉
A girl vest with pink and fluff and sparkles, gasp! What are us ladies like? We just LOVE to look C.U.T.E!
The vest sounds amazing though. Dare you to try it in the pool next time….
TA x
(YOU WERE A WANNA BE DETECTIVE!?) Ive never worn one.
thats why we glad for you Miss. GFE.
Now I never shall.
I’ve worn one in a kinda-martial-arts-self-defence class before – and yeah, they make me work SO much harder.
Although my instructor at the time was a b*$%rd – for one warmup, he had us strap on the vests and run around the studio while he threw tennis balls at us. That, my friend, is NOT fun.
Here is one piece of equipment I am not lusting after… Even if it were pink. Maybe due to the fact that I have my own extra 20+ lbs strapped to my body right now.
Man, you are funny. Again, I wish I belonged to your gym.
Never worn a weighted vest. It doesn’t sound like fun. 😉
I might try one. As long as it isn’t pink.
I might try one, but only if it is pink.
kidding (mostly).
What a minute… I just lost 20 lbs. Why do I want to strap it back on??? My knees are thanking me…
Like alice, I’ve carried too many offspring to fantasize about extra weight.
Wonder if Matthew will start strappin’ that new baby on instead…
Yeah, we definitely want the extra 20 to be a slip off after the workout!
I could just run carrying a sack of horse feed, or maybe the horse 🙂
You are a warrior, Charlotte!!
I’ve never heard of weighted vests! I imagine that would make squats and lunges so much more comfortable (I hate the bar), and pushups REALLY hard.
I think Matt McC…whatever…needs that vest to hold his pot. Also, I think he has a foldable bongo in one of those pockets for spur-of-the-moment bongoing.
Big credit to him though for running with cotton mount and the munchies. Raise the roof.
I totally agree with nitmos!! LOL!
haha, we have one of those vests at work, and we put it on and then push eachother so see if you can stay standing. not work appropriate but fun none the less.
and matthew? gross. he grosses me out. i cant even look at pictures of him. bleh.
http://www.groundedfitness.com
I saw that fabled vest just the other day while doing reformer … wondered if it was a new piece of equipment!! Too funny!! So, it is someone’s vest? Seems like if you’re going to leave your toys laying around, you can’t get mad if someone else plays with them!
Oh … and don’t friends of MM simply call him Mcconaughey??
the piece of cardio equipment i’ve mostly seen people at my gym using wearing the weighted vests is the stepmill.
the stepmill sucks (i mean is AWESOME, of course. and sucks) and i can imagine the increased suckitude (no awesome here … except for results) while wearing one of those.
that said, i’d take the opportunity to try one some day. as for now … too broke.
I found one that isn’t pink and wouldnt bounce as much I suspect. Here: http://www.resistancewear.com/womens/index.html
Yeah, like I don’t look funny enough when I run already?
I think not. Does Matt have a vested interest in this clothing line? That might be why he’s modeling it.
you ran on the treadmill in a 20-lb weighted vest? I fear my center of gravity would be thrown off and, as a result, so would my body go shoothing off the belt. I bet it would be awesome for lunges or maybe even walking but I’d worry about my poor little joints. Altho u have a good point with the weight being distributed. Still, my father-in-law just lost 50 pounds and I keep thinking, “Imagine if I had to carry around two 25-lb dumbbells with me wherever I went – work, the toilet, airplanes, vacation, working out.” What an achievement!
anyhow, take a pic of yourself for us next time! Charlies Angels style!
This is where I blush in shame at being super girly-girl. I’d love one in pink. Maybe with a rhinestone or two.
It would match my pink and beige sneakers. And my sparkly pink Oakley’s.
Ahhhhhhhhh! fitarella I’m right there with you! I just had flashbacks from law enforcement training. We had to run around a track, do pull-ups and push-ups, along with climbing over a twelve foot wall, all while wearing a bullet-proof vest. And it wasn’t pink. Or cute. Ugh. And McConaughey has never done anything for me, but his boyfriend Lance needs to call me! Awesome post Charlotte!
I wonder how much that ‘light’ vest costs??
And…eewww to the no deodorant.
We live not far from dear Matthew, and while I have never seen him at the grocery store myself, I’ve heard too many stories from neighbors who have smelled him there! That coupled with the fact that he looks a lot too much like my brother just makes me think, “ick” whenever his name comes up.
I don’t need a weight vest, I’m breastfeeding. I do need ankle weights to keep from tipping over, though. Have a blog post about those?
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