Nicole Kidman. Halle Berry. Nicole Richie. Angelina Jolie. I can’t remember the last time any of these women were in the news for a movie they made but all have recently graced many magazine covers. For what? For being able to walk out of the maternity ward in their pre-pregnancy jeans which, natch, were tiny to begin with.
A Plague Of Pregorexia on Both Your Houses!
The media has dubbed this trend of ever-increasingly skinny pregnant mothers who pop out a baby and pop on a bikini a la Trista Rehn (who really is famous for nothing but this), “Pregorexia.” Add this one to the long list of newly minted eating disorders on the market such as drunkorexia, diabulimia and, my personal fave, orthorexia.
There is no denying that pregnancy is fashionable right now. And also, thin is still in, despite numerous attempts by every sane entity in creation to have that one abolished. So it only makes sense, in an our-society-is-sick-and-twisted way, that skinny pregnancy is the latest trend.
How does one stay super skinny while being pregnant? The same tricks you use when you’re not: excessive diet and exercise. The risks are compounded of course because you are carrying a baby. One that you presumably would like to see arrive in a healthy and timely fashion.
Empathy Belly
I wasn’t diagnosed with “pregorexia” or even anorexia during my pregnancy with my second son. But I’m betting I fit all the criteria. I’m not proud of this. It wasn’t even an effort to be skinny. It was during the time frame where I was testifying against my ex-boyfriend in court for sexually assaulting me and it was all I could do just to survive and make sure my oldest son was taken care of. I was so depressed and traumatized I barely remembered to breathe much less eat. I lost weight by the bucket in the first trimester. So much so that even at six months pregnant, I was still wearing normal clothes. People were shocked when I’d tell them how pregnant I was.
Some people, like my doctor and my sister, were appalled. But others – mostly women – were congratulatory, even envious. It is with sadness I remember one friend’s whispered comment, “Just tell me how you do it! Please!! We want to get pregnant again but I cannot gain 50 pounds again. I just can’t. I’ll do anything. Do you take something?” This girl was willing to take a drug to keep her weight down during her pregnancy.
Finally my doctor said we needed to talk about getting re-fed in a hospital setting. That shook me. From that point on, I made myself eat three times a day and the weight started coming on. I “popped” very quickly and the last trimester was textbook.
Fast forward to my third son’s pregnancy. I was in a much happier and healthier place. I’d discovered exercise and loved it and after reading Dr. Clapp’s wonderful book Exercising Through Your Pregnancy, saw no reason to stop what I enjoyed doing. I rock climbed (with safety gear) until 8 months along. I ran nearly every day. I lifted weights. I did dance, bosu, and step classes. I even did TurboKick the night before I went into labor.
You would not believe the lectures I got. Or maybe you would. Perhaps some of you are thinking those thoughts right now. And this is where it gets tricky for me. I’ve been on both sides of the pregnant-and-eating-disordered fence. During my last pregnancy, I gained a textbook perfect 25 pounds. I was happy and healthy throughout. I delivered – in 56 minutes – a 9 lb 14 oz baby boy. My doctor said I had the biggest placenta she’d ever seen, still one of the best compliments of my life. And yet, everyone from the stranger on the street to the meathead on the weight floor lectured me about my activity and warned me I was putting my baby in harm’s way. While during my “sick” pregnancy – another 10 lb baby – I was lauded for staying thin.
There Are No Hard Answers
Obviously, each pregnancy and each pregnant woman are different. Some get puke-is-my-signature-scent sick for their entire pregnancy and feel blessed to even make it out of bed. Others, like me, don’t get terribly ill and can do more. The only thing that I know for sure is that each mother should be encouraged to do what she feels is best for her body and her baby. As long as her doctor or midwife says she and the baby are fine then whatever she chooses is a-okay with me.
Certainly there are pregnant women who are eating disordered. And it is a crime that our society is pushing the thin-at-all-costs mentality on pregnant women, when we are already at our most vulnerable. So let’s not give this a cutesy name and giggle while we roll our eyes at the pregnant mommy on the treadmill. Let’s call it like it is and get serious help for eating disordered women, especially while they are pregnant. And lets support active moms. And moms on bedrest. And adoptive moms. And teen moms.
Today’s pregnancy can seem like an ultimately selfish pursuit. Take a look at any issue of a pregnancy mag. You get your “baby bump” and the adoration of your friends. You get to wear supercute maternity maxi dresses and go to parties. You get to decorate a nursery. And of course you get page after page of product endorsements for must-haves like a $600 stroller. There’s even a multitude of articles on how to make your ugly newborn cuter. All of us need to remember that babies are not just an accessory that you pay for in pounds instead of cash.
We need less articles about post-partum flab and more about post-partum depression. Less about how to be a hot mommy and more about how to be a good mommy. Less about which star lost the weight the fastest and more about the stars in our eyes when we love our babies. In fact, maybe we need to hear less about celebs period.
thank you for sharing these pics of you from your pregnancies, Charlotte. You are always so open and inviting, even when you know people might have dissenting viewpoints. I will admit, my first thought when I saw that first pic of you was, “oh my gosh, how was she so small at 6 mos?” But all women are different and you certainly were going thru upsetting events that would rob anyone of her appetite. Hindsight is 20/20 – obviously at the time you weren’t ever thinking the same things you are thinking know as a successful body image writer who has kicked so many demons to the curb. People will always have their opinions. With the second pic, like you mentioned, you looked a bit fuller and happier and healthy. And 9 pounds-plus is no joke! (I was 9 lb 12oz 🙂 Congrats on a huge placenta, a healthy baby and a booming career where you can reach out to others, share difficult feelings in an easy-to-identitfy-with-way, and help others going thru a pregnancy to deal with the many, many issues that must come up.
Good night 🙂 PS I’d have LOVED to see you stomping butt in TurboKick the night before giving birth!
Great post. As someone planning to possibly reproduce relatively soon this is pretty thought provoking. As someone trying to lose weight, the fear of losing control totally of my weight during a pregnancy is at the top of the list of things I think about but I keep reading stories about people exercising their way to a really healthy birth and a really healthy baby.
you look so beautiful. pregnant AND the fact we dont get to see your face enough up in herre.
I have a friend who gained NINE POUNDS with her first. nine. I didnt think that was even possible. I kept waiting for her gyn to grab her and lovingly *shake* her but (and please to feel free to read this will all kinds of judgement as wasnt it her JOB to say something?) she/the dr was a marathon runner and 100% didnt see a thing wrong with how much my friend ran or how little she ate.
that said, I started to think *I* was the crazy one when she had a perfectly healthy baby.
shes preg again and 5 months along and smaller than most of the women we hang out with—-and it's the 'this is just the way I am' while she runs all the time & doesnt eat that Hollywood hath kinda foisted upon us.
HOPE YOU HAD A FAB WEEKEND!!
M.
When I read about these celeb moms who refuse to gain normal pregnancy weight, it makes me worry about their priorities as parents. Having kids is a choice, and with it come all KINDS of personal sacrifices. I was too selfish to make those sacrifices myself, so I didn’t have kids. But if from the get-go a mom is more concerned with her vanity than the health of her kid, I worry about what other choices will be made along the way.
(Yours was a totally different scenario, obviously, with all you were going through. I’m talking about the moms who are trying to lose weight, not stress/failure to gain situations).
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, Charlotte. I hate how the media loves to call pregnant women “fat” and belittle them for having anything other than their bellies get bigger. I’d love to see how much weight the Perez Hilton’s of the world would gain if they could get preggers!
My goals for when I get pregnant are to eat well, exercise, and stay healthy. My mom kept water skiing until 3 weeks before my brother was born, then rode around with him on the back of her bicycle while she was pregnant with me. That’s the kind of pregnancy I want to have (tho’ I hope I miss out on the sick-for-9-months part).
such a great post Charlotte, thank you. (and I love your pics!)
I too got comments and strange looks from people when I exercised during my pregnancies. It drove me batty.
and I agree, the focus on pregnant celebs and how fast they can lose their baby weight is just too much. It doesn’t make me feel good about myself when I read that Trista or Nicole are all back to their stick-thin self while I still struggle after a year+.
This was an AWESOME article, Charlotte. I didn’t realize that women who exercise while pregnant get criticized. I thought you were supposed to exercise while pregnant so you and baby have a smoother delivery? And as long as you had been doing the exercise pre-pregnancy (aka, like running) it was fine while you were pregnant? If I did nothing for nine months I’d be an oozing puddle of jello by the time delivery came along and wouldn’t be able to complete one push!
Yep, all kinds of variations with preggy moms!
One of our nurses ran a 2 mile “fun” run at the med. center when 2 “fun” weeks past due! She finished last lol Gave birth a week later and all are doing well!
Weight is such a touchy issue in any kind of environment. If you’re not pregnant and lose lots of weight, people go nuts complimenting you (regardless whether you’d got a disorder or a medical issue or if it’s a healthy weight loss). Pregnancy is already a hormonal, emotional time that it’s got to be that much harder when people get on your case about gaining lots of weight, but then constantly make comments about exercising while pregnant. I always thought that exercising while pregnant was an awesome idea (as long as there are no complications). I had a step instructor once who taught step right up until about a week before she gave birth.
All that said, while I think we should be accepting of people whether they’re small or large during their pregnancy, some people just take it too far. Like all those stars who think they have to keep the same figure they always had while they’re pregnant (or right after). I just hope they’re not harming their babies by doing that. As long as they’re under the watchful care of a doctor, and a doctor who can shake the pregorexic mothers if need be, I guess that’s all you can do, right?
We have been fortunate to go through three pregnancies. A special glow my wife has during pregnancy no doubt. She gained a bit more through the first pregnancy…but didn’t do much different. She was always aware of her diet and stayed active. Of course everybody is an expert and wanted to offer their opinions on eating and exercise. The media has this odd perception of what healthy is. I asked the question on Twitter… “What is more challenging yet satisfying than pregnancy and giving birth?” All but one of the 47 responses said NOTHING is harder or satisfying! Nice post!
I’ve gained nearly 40lbs each time.
That’s what happens when you start eating cereal three times a day, in addition to regular meals, and snacks.
(pregnancy makes me hungry- thankfully it hasn’t been difficult to lose the weight after)
My SIL had a checkup recently where she had only gained 2lbs, She was so happy to have only gained 2 lbs. I don’t think gaining less than the recommended should be making us happy.
I gained a lot with all 3 of my babies – 40 pounds with the first, 45 the second, over 50 (lost track) with the third. They ranged between 6 1/2 – 9 pounds.
I wish my midwives had been a little less lax about my weight gain and pushed me to exercise a little more. Not because I was really worried about the weight – I lost it all each time – but because I, and maybe my babies, would have been healthier.
But the real answer is that you can’t win no matter what you do when you are pregnant. Gain too little and you’re “pregorexic,” gain too much and fear you’ll never lose it. Don’t touch that coffee or a sip of wine, don’t eat a jalapeno, and don’t you know chocolate will give you heartburn? (Um, WATER gave me heartburn with my second, my 9-pounder.)
Great post. Love the pics – but I’m again envious of women who look great pregnant, because I just don’t.
I could not agree more with Crabby. Whether or not baby ends up healthy, a mom who chooses to deprive herself of sound nutrition for fear of gaining weight while pregnant has a serious problem with having a child to begin with. It is potentiall harmful, the end.
Again, I am talking about women restricting their caloric intake for the purpose of staying super thin. Would you take the risk of drinking wine everyday? Some people have had moms doing that and they’re fine, right? How about smoking?
Ah! I am so trying to be accepting here, clearly, I have never suffered a “real” eating disorder, but I am having a hard time.
As for exercise… yeah… I am done with the gym for now. I cannot imagine the comments I would get trying to work my kettlebell… I sorely miss my Turbo classes though, and Charlotte, I might go back just for that, cause you make me proud working out like that while prego.
Another GREAT post! I agree that this celebrity “baby bump” watch, followed by the how-fast-will-she-lose-the-weight watch, is disgusting!!!! Celebs are going into hiding during their third trimester rather than facing the media and being called “fat.” It’s ridiculous. I guess thin is the new “moral.” In Victorian times, women were sent into “confinement” (either to their country estates or else simply not allowed to leave the house) when they were visibly pregnant, lest others look at them and, horrors!, think of sex! Now, we push them out of sight lest we look at them and see, horrors, fat!
As far as exercising (or not) during pregnancy, it’s all about the health of the mother and baby. Like you said, as long as a pregnant woman feels well enough and has the OK from her health care professional, go for it! I personally envy women who can run while pregnant; I bet the baby loves it! (My kids seemed to have a lot of fun in utero when I swam.)
And Charlotte, you are so GORGEOUS! Pregnant, post-natal, or whenever!
Great post and something that is getting increasing media attention. The same scrutiny was given to a dear frient of mine when she went to even water aerobics classes 6+ months pregnant. At the beginning she tried to educate the scrutinizers, but eventually gave up.
Side Note: Loving the month of cardio. Its made me much happier and I don’t feel bad when I can only sneak to the gym for 45mins and focus on that. I’ve been doing my core/chest work at home and its been working well.
I’m only a few weeks out from delivery and I’m high risk. Just making it through the day seems like a marathon with my two (5 and 3). Adding regular exercise to the mix makes my body hurt just thinking about it.
But during all three pregnancies I have exercised for as long into the pregnancy as I could, and STILL gained lots of the weight. I guess you could say I have chosen to make some sacrafices to get my kids here and my body is one of them. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about it, because I do. It doesn’t mean I don’t wish I was smaller and didn’t gain lots of weight, because I do. It just mean I’m comfortable enough with who I am and I know that I am doing the best I can do when I do it. Can’t we see other pregnant women and assume they are doing the same thing no matter what they look like?
Great post!
I have to second that you looked beautiful while pregnant, and I’m so sorry that you had to go through something like that during such a precious time in your life.
I have no children of my own – yet, but they still feel far off in the future. But I have to admit to feeling a twang of terror when I think of pregnancy. What will I look like, how will I feel, etc.? And seeing these celebrity moms does nothing to help me. *SIGH*
I am like Weelittleme, in that I am thinking of soon starting a family and there is much rhetoric around (in the virtual world and real one) weight and pregnancy… I am so sick of the baby-as-an-accessory thing and wholeheartedly agree with Crabby too!
Aside from the fact that I want to have a child and raise a family with my amazing husband and all the great (and challenging) things that can bring, I do fall a bit into the shallow end of the pool and worry about gaining weight, losing baby weight and how much my body will change. I have kept off a 40+ lbs weight loss for the last year and am still loving how I look this way…I am nervous of ‘gaining it all back’. But, I also know that I will have a healthy pregnancy, teach fitness classes throughout (if possible) and keep running!
What bothers me about the whole “pregorexia” debate is that it falls at the crossroads of two ways women are judged. Harshly. 1) our weight and 2) our ability as mothers.
If we gain too much, people rush to call us fat and lazy. If we gain too little, well then, we’re selfish. We can’t be allowed to be human beings, struggling with our own hearts and heads during a tumultuous time. We fit in a very narrow definition of RIGHT, or we’re castigated.
And yes, I happen to be pregnant and a tad touchy about it. I saw the doctor for the first visit last week and she told me to gain 25 pounds – pause – AT THE MOST. Right now I’m puky and can hardly bear to eat, but I know the day is coming when the weight will simply flow onto me, and the thought makes me panicky. Yes, panicky. I don’t want my husband to see me like that, I don’t want to see myself like that, I don’t want to be looked at when I’m out in public and see those thought balloons, the ones that sneer “hmm. someone thinks being knocked up is a free pass to the buffet.”
And sometimes I think crazy things, like about the excercise I could do to keep control, or ways to dull my appetite no matter what. I’m not a 20-something new mom, either. I’m 37 and this is my fourth child. Call me self-centered if you want, but it’s scary to be so watched and judged. And it’s worse now than it was when I had my last son, seven years ago.
Great post. I noticed the hype lately, too. But I think it comes and goes in waves. I remember the hype when Princess Di wore a bikini in her last trimester. I remember my mom telling me that my grandmother was encouraged to gain no more than 15 pounds with twins (she gained exactly 15) and to avoid drinking water the last month of her pregnancy so that the babies wouldn’t be too plump and swollen to come out. INSANITY!
And I think the pregnancy trends; overreactions, apathy and bad advice come and go in all directions. My friend was chastised by a neighbor for using a self propelled push mower across her small patch of lawn in her first trimester. (Too strenuous, says neighbor.) On the other hand, my MIL told me a story of when she was a newborn and her mother asked if it was okay to smoke while nursing. The doctor replied, “Yes, as long as you are careful not to ‘ash’ on the baby.”
There is also constantly new information about being healthy during pregnancy that, honestly, becomes overwhelming at times. The latest I read was a study from the Netherlands saying peanut product intake during pregnancy increases the likelihood of asthma in children by 50%.
There is a lot of pressure to be the perfect mom from conception and a lot of judgments made on pregnant women (by themselves and other people) from the get go.
I remember introducing my friend with a physically/mentally disabled child to a relative visiting from out of town. As soon as my friend was out of ear shot, the relative commented, “She should have taken her prenatal vitamins. It is a shame her child turned out like that.” I had another friend who found out her son in womb had severe physical complications. She told me she had been racking her brains for days trying to figure out if she had used a potent household cleaner or stayed too long in the paint isle of the Lowe’s and caused her son’s condition. I’ll confess that initially after having a miscarriage, there was a vain and selfish part of me that was embarrassed that when people would find out, they would blame me. (Thankfully, I had wonderful friends who shared all their miscarriage stories. There were so many, I realized that it was just a part of bringing children into the world and nothing to be ashamed about.)
As great as this information age is with all its advancements, there is a dark and difficult side to it as we are pressured to live up to every study, every suggestion, and every theory.
I’ve gone on too long. Anyway – thanks for the ever insightful points to ponder.
I couldn’t agree with this post more (and Kira’s comments). I have gestational diabetes, and one of the symptoms is excessive weight gain; I gained 12 lbs my first trimester and am over 50 now (with 4.5 weeks to go). I felt so much shame and like I had let myself go — and like other people were thinking that, which is vain yes, but hey, I’m a social animal. Then my doc told me I was gaining so much because of the diabetes and it wasn’t my fault.
Everyone and their mother has made comments about my size, every single day. I’ve stopped listening to them and caring what they think. As long as my blood sugar is in control, I don’t care what the scale does from here on out. I will get my body back — and have a plan to do so — but I’m ok with sacrificing it for the time being. It ain’t pretty, but as the clock winds down, I realize that this time has been fairly precious, and I’m sorry it was so charged for me.
BTW, I intentionally didn’t do much exercise this pregnancy — I’m an all or nothing type and I was very worried I put the baby in danger just to get my Type A ya-yas out. I walked. I did some prenatal yoga, but it bored me to tears.
This is a great post Charlotte! I’m sorry I missed it when you first posted. I had just had my 2nd baby. With my first, I was way too sick and was asked (in a not so kindly manner) to stop going to the rec center after I puked in the pool. I gained 60 pounds and it took me almost 2 years to get it all off. With my second baby, I gained a textbook 30# and was able to exercise throughout the pregnency. I did get my share of comments and people telling me that I was crazy and that if they were me they would take advantage of their pregnancy and sit on their couch eating donuts. My weight came off much faster this time, and I feel so much better. I agree that each pregnancy is different and that we need to support women because we are all doing the best we can…