This is Chris after his successful pec implant surgery.I get a lot of interesting e-mail from this website. Often it’s people trying to sell me various enhancement products for appendages I don’t even possess. Occasionally it is someone writing to correct me or further explain something to me, which I actually really do appreciate. Rarely, ’cause most of you know better by now, some sweet misguided soul writes to me for advice. Being completely unqualified to give advice in any area (You’ve read my blog right? It’s basically 12 months of fitness misadventures. The most frequent comment I get is some variation of “I told you so.”) I still yearn to be Dear Prudie. Or at least Dear Abby. So when a reader I’ll call Chris* instant messaged me a question of a personal AND fitness nature, I had to jump on it. Fortunately Chris only gave me the barest amount of detail on his problem, so I have taken the liberty of making up some back story, dialog, and other sundries. Feel free to chime in with your advice in the comments!
She Says: I Hate Your Stinkin’ Gym
I met Chris several years ago when he was dancing at the male topless club I’m So Excited and I Can Hide It (charlotte’s note: that’s for you MizFit). At first it was hard to tell if he was the athletic sort because while he took the “topless” part of his job seriously, he was wearing faux-fur lined snow pants. With suspenders. And a belt. (It was a family establishment.) He won my heart though with his creative interpretation of the song “Yellow Ledbetter” by Pearl Jam. You can actually hear him sing it here. Who wouldn’t love that, right? Anyhow, long story short, we fell in love, got engaged, moved in together and two sets of triplets. And then we finally decided we were ready for The Next Step: we joined a gym together. It was a huge risk. I mean we’re both a little gun-shy when it comes to commitment but we love getting sweaty together in public places so we went for it.
We were all on track for rainbows and kittens for the rest of our lives except for one thing: Chris’ gym sucks. I mean it really does. It’s small and old and the soap dispenser in the girl’s locker room has leaked so much that it’s made a stalagmite on the moldy tile floor. If I wanted to spelunk, I would have moved in with Batman. Anyhow, a new gym opened up not too far away and it’s awesome. I didn’t tell Chris this but I went in the locker room there and didn’t see a single woman using her feminine hygiene products in an unhygienic manner. It rocked unicorns, is what I’m saying. All we have to do is pay a few hundred to break our current contract and we’re golden like retriever puppies. But for some reason Chris loves his Ode To Cholera and refuses to change. Working out together is a key part of our relationship. The gym is where we trade witty one-liners across the weight floor and drink out of the same water bottle (camelbak totally makes one with two straws!!) on the treadmill. It’s our “us time.” Help?
He Says: Gyms Are Supposed To Stink
Let’s get one thing straight – I don’t love my gym. Trina is right, the place stinks. But gyms are supposed to stink! People go there to exude bodily fluids! If a gym smells like roses, I immediately get suspicious. It means that instead of using that $2.65 to upgrade their iron (that stuff’s only got a half life of 480 years you know) they are buying fancy schmancy air fresheners. And as to her claim of a soap stalagmite, which I’ve only seen in my imagination because I am so not one of those pervy guys who checks out the ladies room when nobody else is around to see if they really do have 4 whole stalls while we only have 1, really that’s pretty cool. In fact, I consider it a selling point! I remember my parents taking me to see some of those as a kid and we actually had to buy a ticket to get into that musty, cold, smelly cave and see the drippy things. At our gym it’s a member perk!
So, no, I don’t love my gym. What I love is my hard-earned cash. Trina doesn’t get this, she never had to work at a male topless club and endure all the hazing and cat calls and painful games of “odd or even” with my chest hair! I don’t care how simple my gym is. It has weights and some cardio machines and that’s all I really need. I’m not breaking my contract for mahogany lockers and a flat screen. Besides, my gym has perks. We have real imported bottled water. Hydration kicks unicorns butts, I always say.
But I’ll miss her if she goes. She’s so cute when she squeaks one out on the elliptical and pretends it was me. Are we doomed to live separate gym lives or is there some way to reconcile our differences?
The Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything
Um, 42. You miss the memo on that one?
Charlotte’s Answer
So Chris likes his old gym, the one he frequented before Trina came into his life and kettle-belled the bachelor out of him. But Trina would rather go to a new place, one they could make their own together. On one hand, Chris is frugal. On the other hand, a girl deserves modern cardio facilities. What we have here is a failure to communicate. Or compromise. Or caterwaul. Or cake walk. What I’m trying to say is I suck at advice. Will this couple survive? Without Trina on the next tready will Chris fall prey to the overly aggressive transgendered gym bunny? Without Chris, will Trina remember to lock out her wrists on her clean and press or will her carpal tunnel syndrome come back with a vengeance? Help a fellow reader out – what should Chris do?
Disclaimer: 90% of this post is fabricated but his dilemma is real – can a relationship survive separate workouts? Let Chris know how you’ve made your workouts work for you and your significant other. He’ll thank the person with the best advice by getting a tattoo of your name with one letter on each finger. If you have a long name, he’ll get more fingers. He loves you that much.
*Chris is actually his real name. And he happens to be one of the most hilarious bloggers I have ever had the pleasure of not meeting. Read his stuff!
I say “they” put an ad on Craigslist and try to find someone who’s interested in joining the smelly gym and transfer their membership.
They should keep working out together.
I joined the most amazing gym in Maryland when I lived there and I still miss it so much — it was SO worth the extra money, cause I loved going there. The gyms here SUCK and are all really smelly/stinky/unhygienic.
I’m a clean-and-pricey moderngymophile and I’m going to throw a spanner in and say that working out together doesn’t HAVE to be the be all and end all. My boy and I don’t work out together, so my gym time is ME ME ME time. Considering we do so much other stuff together, it’s nice to have that break in the day when we’re not joined at the hip (figuratively, figuratively I said!).
But if they don’t get a lot of other time together, and she’s worried about that, she should probably just suck it up. Is the old gym really THAT bad? What will it symbolise to him if she abandons him? Will it be a grudge for him forever to hold? Is it worth it?
But if she REALLY can’t live without the plush gym (not sure I could), maybe commit to doing a couple of workouts a week NOT at the gym together, ie. outside, in the park, wherever?
TA x
(thanks for the earworm. Id just recovered :))
Im unique perhaps in that I work out ANYWHERE to life with my man.
we worked out together for…11 years I think? and then when a baby entered the picture it no longer worked schedulewise.
Now we try and lift once a week (weekends) which only makes me want more togethertime—-nastyassgym or not!
This is such a hilarious post I want to just want to make some sort of smartass comment, but, what the heck, I’ll throw in my sincere 2 cents instead.
Unless there are jealousy issues, (which is a whole other ballgame not solvable by any gym membership), I’d say trying to make gym time “together” time is gonna backfire if you want different environments. Someone is going to “win” and the other person is going to feel resentful. Have “together” time AFTER you get back home from your respective gyms.
If you’re in it for the long haul, you’re going to have decades and decades of together time! Trust each other enough to be apart for an hour or two then be happy to see each other again.
“can a relationship survive separate workouts?” Yes, for sure and I actually think its better to work out without your partner. For me personally, it’s just way too clingy… And (maybe this is wrong to say) but I actually really enjoy having something that’s mine… A place for some quiet, me time…
Interesting dilemma about gyms. My self and a good friend are actually having this debate at the moment. He thinks, stinky weights dungeon, but I prefer the clean, white towels, £50 a month type of place. I really don’t mind paying more because its something I use, every single day and trying to save a few bucks by going to a sub standard facility isn’t my idea of a good investment. Actually, my training mostly consists of a floor and a wall… but as you can see from my blog
http://wst-training.blogspot.com/2008/08/handstand-pushup-progression.html
it’s a nice floor and a nice wall 🙂
For me it’s mostly about the atmosphere. I like being in a place with like minded individuals, who enjoy training and take is seriously in a real, down to earth way, and being in a meatheads gym surrounded my fat blokes grunting would be life threatening for someone who trains like I do.
You know, maybe if frugal Chris tried the nice new gym he would realize what he is missing! He would fall in love with it’s shiny cleanness and be willing to fork over the extra cash for better facilities.
I say get a few guest passes to try the new gym out, then have a real discussion about the financial aspect of changing gyms. If it isn’t reasonable to change now, wait until the current contract is up and renegotiate with Trina. If working out together is really that important for your relationship, some one will have to give in!
I’m not sure why it is so important to work out together, possibly because my husband does not work out at all, so it’s never come up. When I went to the gym, I went by myself. At home, I exercise by myself. I wish he would exercise, mind you, but I would not stipulate that we had to work out together.
I say, if they can’t find a gym they can agree on, they should each choose their own.
working out together can be fun but def is not necessary for a great relationship. My husband could have joined my rather pricey gym (the one with the aforementioned unsanitary fem hygeine issues – that’s what you get when you spend da big bucks!) on a “family” membership but instead he chose the Y, telling me “I know how much you love your gym and it’s a special time for you so I’ll just give you your privacy.” Besides, he only needs barebones equipment and is fine with the fact that they don’t provide, say, towels or cups/water dispensers or nice locker room facilities. So he pays $45/month, I pay triple that, we’re both happy and go for walks together at night. Holding hands 🙂
Frugal Chris should look into a home gym, a dummbell set, etc. Check out craigslist and play it again sports for inexpensive cardio equipment. That’s a lot cheaper in the long run, plus they can work out at home together.
Most of the couples I know either work out at different times or, work out differently while at the gym at the same time. When I see “couples” working out together, one of them is usually a personal trainer!
My boyfriend and I actually met at the gym, so we never had to worry about the working out together at a new place dilemma. Though I have to say, after dating for a few months we both switched our schedules and I work out at the crack of dawn and he heads to the gym in the afternoon while I am still at work. At first I missed our joint workouts but then you get used to it and survive! It just takes a bit of time to adjust!
Hmm…I am with TA- my workout is usually MY time!
Is that why I am still single? *sob*
I think there’s some middle ground here. Though it depends where they live. Where I live, there are 3 levels – the basic, not-so-clean gym that has very few classes and not so much equipment. Then there’s the bells and whistles gym, with free towels, clean clean clean everywhere, and the works with classes and equipment. Then there’s the gym in the middle, which has all the classes, tons of equipment, and is perhaps not always completely clean. The main gym where I teach is in this final category. It’s mostly fine, but you wouldn’t want to take a shower there or walk barefoot to the bathroom.
I am this Chris. Actually 89% percent of the post is fabricated. I WAS a male topless dancer.
Thanks for all the advice. It’s still something we are talking about and we will eventually resolve. I will be sure to update Charlotte (FYI-awesome post) and let all of you know how it turns out. It’s going to take one of us caving in.
I still own, and fit into, the lined snow pants and suspenders. Chances are she will cave first if catch my drift.
I’ve always worked out seperate from my BFs and its fabulous. We can come home and tell hilarious stories about the gym-goers antics. That being said, we try to make up for it by having “Active Dates” at least once a week. This may be running, hiking, snowboarding, etc. depending on the season. It’s a great way to stay connected, but still have our own space.
I guess it would be hard to go from working out with someone a lot to not at all. Maybe her new gym has guest passes that he could use occassionally to work out together or she could go there (old gym) on a drop-in basis sometimes?
“The Answer to Life, The Universe and Everything
Um, 42. You miss the memo on that one?”
God, I do love that book.
I don’t have advice. I just wanted to appreciate a classic!
Jenn
relationships can survive separate workouts, but now that i can actually work out with my boy? so much more fun and enjoyable. workouts when he’s on the road just aren’t as fun or motivating.
hm. so if chris and/or trina need/use the other as a motivator, i’d suggest staying at the same gym. that, or find some gym buddies if one is going to switch.
I’m with Jenn; I don’t have any advice (except to echo what Crabby said), but I also want to acknowledge a classic piece of literature.
Don’t forget your towel!
Charlotte-you are a real hoopy frood (or whatever the female version of a frood is). Love, love, love Douglas Adams. And this post made me practically shoot water through my nose, much hilarious-ness!
This is very timely because yesterday was my first workout at a new gym with my fiance. We are pretty much joined at the hip (not literally) whenever we are not at work (and we worked together for 5 years before that) and love each other’s company and never fight. However, when we gym’d with each other, we would get snippy with each other for no reason! I think it’s because when I’m working out, I’m uber competitive and always want to best myself and work hard, and he’s more relaxed. So we stopped working out together. I did my thing, he did his.
Yesterday, I have to admit, it was SO NICE to have him on the next treadmill when we were working out. However, instead of doing arms like I was planning, he only had 10 mins left so after gawking at all the machines, I just ended up back on the treadmill. So I think even if we work out together, we’re going to take separate cars. I definitely don’t have to work out with him, but it was sorta nice.
Advice? Don’t really have any, but I would say give the new gym a try a few times before you decide, and I’d say waiting for the membership contract to run out is the best option. Maybe if the money is really a factor, there’s something she could sacrifice to make the cost even out?
Oh my gosh. Where has your blog been all my life? I love it!!
And my sister-in-law and I have been getting into kettlebells, and we were both wondering about the idea of getting wrist bands. Seriously!
Great blog!!!
and all this time I thought the song was “Yellow Bedwetter”!!
Chris – i’m a morning workeroutter, and hubby is a night gymmole. seperate we stand!