Dear Men,
I owe you an apology. All these years I had thought that women had the lock on self-hate in print form a la Cosmopolitan and Glamour. Even “health and fitness” magazines often aren’t much better in terms of building self worth and establishing realistic standards. But I had no idea until this weekend that your magazines suck every bit as much as ours do.
This weekend I happened across September’s Men’s Health. This is what greeted me:
Men, this is quite the standard to live up to. Not only must you have an 8(!?!)-pack like D-becks but apparently real men accesorize their undies with a studded Boy Scout belt complete with shiny merit badge. What’s more, you must do your daily workout in only your high-end undies, preferably on a beach. (And with someone just off camera holding your feet.)
Reading further into the magazine, here is what else I learned:
1. David Beckham wears other things besides underwear. Like clothes! And you can wear them too – for an outrageous price of course.
2. You can cook any food on the grill. Any food at all. Even oysters on the half shell and beef Burgundy! Where I come from we call that a camp stove and it’s less of a culinary delight and more of a survival tactic but whatevs.
3. Real men are not afraid of powerful women like Bionic Woman Michelle Ryan because as long as they’re smokin’ hot and up for some back-of-the-club lovin’, who cares what they do for a living? (Note to M.H.: you picked an actress as your epitome of a powerful woman? How about picking an actual woman with power next time rather than one who just plays one on TV?)
4. You can totally get six-pack abs in six weeks. For reals! Just follow their totally doable diet and workout and you’ll be there. And if you’re not, well, what else was photoshop made for, right? Also, because we are good at math, if 6 weeks gets you a 6-pack and eight weeks gets you an 8-pack then by 3 months you’re going to be the hottest mutant evah!
5. Women love it when you ask them about themselves. Except they don’t like feeling interrogated, so don’t ask them questions. Confused? You wuss. (Charlotte’s note: we actually do really like it when you show an interest in us so do go ahead and ask us questions. Just try not to make them fit in the conversation rather than a random what-do-you-sleep-in list.)
So men, tell me, does this kind of crap affect you guys like it does us women? Do you look at that picture of David Beckham with his unattainable figure and think “that should be me”? Or is there something on that Y chromosome that helps ameliorate that the negative thoughts? And women, are you at all surprised like I was?
I cannot wait for the male feedback on this!
My man is totally unbothered by those things (ya know, pictures of hot young guys), he has a bullet proof self esteem. That said, he also had a really nice body, so whatever…
I have read Men’s Health a few times, and I find all of their advise on women idiotic… Oh really? This is what I like?? Hmmm…. Maybe I am not the target woman for the target Men’s Health reader… I dunno…
I read this issue in the dentist’s office last month ( and, seriously, reading it was more painful than getting fillings and a crown put in!), and it was just depressing.
I also wonder what mens’ response will be. My husband just kinda laughs at it.
I’m with Alice: I read their advice on women and just have to scratch my head.
I think we males are hardwired to be egotists…
My first reaction is to find something I’m better than him about, followed shortly by a rationalization/excuse… “oh, but let’s see him get a masters degree in engineering. Besides, he’s a footballer; exercising and eating right are required of him–they’re necessary for him to draw an income.”
I think there’s something in the Y chromosome that makes us males individually think, “I’m totally awesome”, regardless of mounting evidence to the contrary.
My boyfriend is VERY confident in himself overall but often says he wishes he could be more muscular or whatever. Men are definitely more under pressure to look a certain way these days – I think the rise of Ladette culture in the 1990s in the UK made it OK for girls to letch over boys on an aesthetic level, so there is generally more consciousness about what’s attractive about the male phsique – whereas it was something that didn’t get discussed much before.
What interested ME was the gourmet grill article – my EX boyfriend and his cronies are always competing in a very macho way about gourmet food and expensive wine. It always baffled me, but maybe high-end cooking is the new status symbol for men?
TA x
Some male feedback from my side:
First of all, you have to take into account what photoshop can do to pictures. Just type in “the magic of photoshop” or “extreme photoshop makeover” on youtube and you’ll see that there are barely any limits to editing. Also, the “oh my god he’s so toned”-effect is greatly underlined by the picture simply being only black and white.
Then we got that eight pack grinning at us, eh? Well, that’s your genes. All people have those muscles but only a few – I forgot the exact figure, it was something around 20% if I remember correctly – are genetically determined to have a “visible” eight pack. So either you got it or you don’t, there’s no way to change that. Nothing one could whine about, is it?
Taking the above into account, I must say that this figure is not unattainable at all. I mean, I am pretty close to that and I only exercise for an hour a day on average. I don’t do anything fancy, either: running, cycling, swimming – yeah, I’m a wannabe-triathlete – and pilates for core strength. This is not meant to brag or anything, I’d just like to state that it definitely is possible for everybody – within the limits set by one’s body type and genes, of course.
Also, 6 weeks to six pack abs is realistic if you are not too chubby around your belly, eat well, exercise well and give your body enough time to heal before exercising again. Muscle growth is so much faster than (correct and healthy) fat loss, and it’s just the fat that covers the abdominal muscles so you cannot see them. It is not like people without a six pack have underdeveloped ab muscles – actually, people who do have a six pack abs tend to have overdeveloped ones, obviously.
I have to admit that I was influenced not by men’s magazines but by.. Hollywood. I used to laugh at those guys pumping iron because they wanted to look like angry Bruce Banners – until I watched Fight Club. They (read: Pitt and Norton) made it look so easy to get in shape and still have fun with that oh-so-manly smashing out other guys’ brains (must have triggered some instinct there) that I decided to do the same together with another couch potato(without the smashing part). That is what kept me going in the end I guess: when you see your training buddy make progress you train harder yourself in order to not fall behind. In my opinion, that is much more motivating than looking at some photoshopped high-end undie-hero who’s just about to get a sore butt from that pull-up bar. Most of the time, a healthy-looking body comes along the more your fitness level increases, anyway. I intentionally did not write “good-looking” here because some people who are supposed to look good in the opinion of the general public just look ill to me.
Then again, that’s just me.
I’ve called Men’s Health “Cosmo for men” for a while now! I still do like the magazine, just read it with a critical eye 😉
Once I learned that the true battle is with the self, I concentrate on being the best I can be, not competing with others. That’s all I can do.
[S] you completely lost me on the six-pack thing, but you’re right about the other stuff…I don’t know if all men are like that (but there are exceptions to everything).
My husband used to get Men’s Fitness magazine, but when it came up for renewal he declined. He said all the workouts were pretty much the same and every other page was an ad for supplements. I don’t think the magazine ever made him feel bad about himself, but every once in a while he would “try” something funny on me and I knew where he got it. It just gave me a laugh (secretly of course!). But hey, at least he’s willing to try, right? 🙂
Colleen, my husband did that once! Tried some strange wanting to talk thing. I asked where he got it and he said a men’s mag. I just started laughing!
Anyway, hubby doesn’t get bothered by this stuff. Occasionally he’ll say “I wish I still had my 6-pack.” Followed up by “Nah, I don’t want to work that hard for it.” I think he’s better able to realize, like dislyxec mentioned, that these guys are paid to work out and look that way. He’s not!
I love dislyxec’s explanation. SO true!
My husband doesn’t read these kinds of magazines (just TRY to get him to read something that’s low-brow and entertaining – I wish he would). He doesn’t work hard at being fit either (wish he would do more of that, too – don’t let him see my comments here).
He’s that guy justifying it to himself in other ways. We go out to the beach, he looks around at all the other guys, and says, “Hey! I look pretty good, especially for my age! I’m not fat at all!”
And while he is not what you’d call fat, he’s not exactly FIT, either, although he would be if he just put a *little* effort into it. But his frame of comparison on our local beaches? We live in one of the most overweight and obese areas in the country, and one of the poorest areas of the country. The place we go on the beach is not where the wealthy vacationers go, either. So, yeah, grain of salt and all.
I’ve never looked at a men’s health magazine, but I do enjoy other men’s magazines. I like women’s health and fitness magazines, though, and don’t have *too* much of a problem with them.
@ Colleen
Sorry, I knew my explanation would be a pretty hard read as I’m not a native English speaker (/writer). I do not know if I am allowed to post links here, so.. type in “six vs eight pack abs” on google; the first result will give you a pretty good explanation of what I tried/failed to express 🙂
my boyfriend doesnt read anything but cereal boxes (i cansay that because he wont read this) so i dont have any insight there, but:
the women advice is laughable most of the time. its like they think we are rubics cubes and if they say one wrong thing we will explode at them, but if they say just the right thing we will melt into a puddle.
yet guys still whitsle and cat call me when im walking my dog, so apparently none of them are taking the advice anyway.
here’s my advice for men: if im walking my dog, i do not want a ride. i am walking him for a reason. so stop asking.
http://www.groundedfitness.com
My take on this kind of thing is first…Beckham gets a lot of money to stay in really good shape. Apart from soccer and photo shoots, he has the rest of his time to work out with a personal trainer and stay in perfect shape. And then there’s photoshop too. I’m not a guy, but I can see it would be easy to look at an ad like that and dismiss it.
Yeah, my man is baffled by the magazine effect. He does not understand why looking at a bunch of sickly thin, practicly masculine, stick figures would ever make a woman with curves not like her body.
Yeah, I am keeping him.
As for the mens health mags, he doesn’t read them. He said “if I wanted to look at an advertisement on how to hate myself and be unhealthy, I would read them, but I don’t so I won’t”
I love that man!
Jenn
[S] I’m sorry, I didn’t realize English wasn’t your first language – you hide it well! I don’t know that much about six-packs, so I probably would have been lost anyway. Thanks for the site – I’ll check it out!
Gena, I’m glad I’m not the only one! Men are so funny and cute when they do stuff like that! 🙂
I’m sorry – I know boys are starting to develop EDs at younger ages now but I just don’t feel that bad for men who open mags and see pics like this. I understand there’s pressure to be strong and ripped but it doesn’t even come close to approaching what women experience PLUS, it’s not enforced by society. Women are made fun of/looked down upon if they’re too big; men are promoted and adored even with beer bellies and saggy butts. Not too much sympathy from me here. And I’m not just saying that b/c I had an article in this issue of Men’s Health 😉
In a way I’m not very surprised. But I’m incredibly interested in this whole concept- I was asking a classmate about his opinion on this kind of thing in my rhetorics of gender class and he said much the same thing as dislyxec.
So much enjoying the male feedback!
I like Mens Health for a few reasons. I dislike it for a lot of reasons. Their advice on women is subpar at best, I get really tired of how every few months they come out with a study on how caffeine is good/bad for you, etc.
I personally haven’t put any stock in getting 6 pack abs in 6 weeks, or how this workout will give me buff arms in 3 weeks, etc.
We as men are under a LOT of pressure to look good. Every Hollywood harlot talks about how she craves a 6 pack and muscles. Even my girlfriend said admitted that she prefers the “athletic” look, which to most men means no fat on body, 6’5″, and chiseled jaw.
Personally, I’m healthy and good looking so I’m comfortable looking at such magazines. And I still say Cosmo, Women’s Health, Fitness, Shape, Prevention, all are worse than any Mens mag.
i’ve been reading both men’s and women’s health magazines (the actual men’s and women’s health and others) for years and they’re both stupid in their own ways, showing unrealistic standards to both men and women.
that being said, there is nothing wrong with grilling most of your food – especially vegetables. i prefer grilled veggies over lots of the way some of the women’s health and fitness mags tell me to prepare them. seriously, i like the recipes in men’s health better than women’s health for the most part.
it’s nicer now to compare too given that i still subscribe to “fitness” and the boy, brandon (see comments), gets “men’s health.”
Socially though men are not supposed to care so I’m guessing a lot of men who may be affected wouldn’t admit it out lout. I have definately known some men who were affected though. Also interesting, there is an article on nerve.com about the competition/body image issues behind how much a guy is packing in those (designer or grungy) undies
Your observation about someone holding his feet just off camera is spot on. I wouldn’t have even thought about that factor until you mentioned it. Thanks for opening my eyes this morning.
You should check out Health (not Women’s or Men’s, just Health)… I really like it…
They are about being healthy and you can see cellulite on a good number of the models so I am pretty sure they keep their air brushing to a minimum.
They cover all areas of health, too. Skin, food, medical, as well as fitness.
They seem realistic and profile a beautiful woman each month… a real woman: moms, grandmas, size 8 or larger (it seems to me anyway) who have real lives and obstacles…
agree with Dr j – cosmo for men – menshealth used to be a great mag for men about exercise now it is not.
it kind of sucks actually
now to your question do men care about this – no
the average guy does not care about this. some of us want to look nice, but not nearly so much as women, let me explain, from my extreme evolutionary position: attractiveness does not matter as much for men as for women, because women are willing to settle for ugly men as long as they bring home the bacon, there I said it.
truth is, ask men if they care more about how much a women makes (earnings) or how much she eats, most men would sya the latter is much more important, b/c it impacts her waist size. ask the same question to women about men and the former becomes slightly more important. in fact, many women I know, i swear are trying to fatten me up more – they just die to feed me. but hell, i like eating as much as the next bloke so… feed me damnit feed me!
as for becks – come on, what self-respecting man could ever worship or even look up to becks after he married that f-ing dits spice head – what a f-ing moron. i dont think there are any men on the planet who would get near that nasty critter with their man parts so really – if men's health wants me to read and care about what they say how about putting a real man on the cover. and for fucks sake – that issue – the fashion part of it – what the shite! if i am ever caught dead wearing 99% of anything shown in that part (exception jeans & tshirt) shoot me – on sight shoot me, then when I am dead shoot me some more!
well, damn i am not really in a bad mood or anything, just ranty I guess..
end of the day – i dont think most men care that much about relating to magazine covers just immediate competitors – so if at the beach volleyball match and your mates have their shirts off and they look better than you – then most guys might consider hitting the gym, esp if they notice their lady checking out the friends. Otherwise, most men know about photoshop and the brilliance it does to photographs of women, and the havoc it wreaks on women's self-esteem, but the damn program sells magazines like hot cakes!
Thanks Professor! When I first heard Kissinger say that power was the greatest aphrodisiac, I figured with his looks, he must be on to something 🙂
Interesting. But I can’t get too upset about it. Let guys get objectified for a few thousand years and then I’ll start to feel outraged on their behalf. But a random image here and there doesn’t get me too worked up.
And since guys don’t seem to take these images seriously, I doubt it does much harm. We women need to work on having the same ability to blow off unrealistic media images that guys do. I think they have a much better attitude about it.
crab mcslack, totally agree! and if I can impart one last opinion – objectification – used as a derogatory term? in my opinion, and it is not a popular one, that is for sure: objectification of women by men is a wonderful thing. if men did not objectify women during our evolutionary history, then quite frankly Homo sapiens may have gone extinct! feel free to steal that opinion, but i would not recommend using in a sexual harassment sensitivity training course, as I did when I was a graduate student; damn that was fun.
A few words by way of male feedback: I rarely look at Men’s Health, and if I do it is only to laugh at it. David Beckham is a good soccer player, but I really do not find him that handsome or even enviably fit; I have different health role models (and that underwear looks stupid). If I want to know how to relate better to women, I talk to my wife directly rather than resorting to articles that reveal the “sexy” (read “round-about, confused, and probably depraved”) way of getting my ideas over the gender barrier that is supposed to exist between us.
just have to add that my husband and I rented the first season of Califonifaction last night, with a shirtless David Duchovny on the front, and Dan was like, “His abs are totally airbrushed, right? He doesn’t really look like that.” And I assured him that the whole cover, including the bimbo in the bikini lying at David’s feet, were so airbrushed, they might as well be cartoons.
Yeah, we men do feel kind of inferior when we see stuff like that. We just won’t admit it.
However, it’s also true that a man’s self-esteem is usually less dependent on his physical appearance than a woman’s might be, since women traditionally face more pressure to adhere to a physical ideal than men. Though that’s rapidly changing, and you could make a very valid argument that young men today face many of the same pressures to reach a physical ideal that young women face.
Personally, I’m not a huge fan of the “ideal” male physique that is currently en vogue. Too skinny, too shaven, too (dare I say it?) feminine. Real men have hair on their chests and the thick wall of torso muscle that comes from heavy squats, not those smoothly waxed 8-pack abs that come from long running, bosu balls and excessive consumption of soy… but the ladies seem to like that kind of thing, so what’s a fellow to do?
I think that the effects magazines and similar media have on women also effect men, but probably at a different if not lesser extent. Boys and men do look at star athletes and He-Man the same way girls and women look at cover models and Barbie (as examples of what people are supposed to look like) but I think the expectations to be bigger and more muscular have a different effect than to be thinner. Obsessions over both can be just as dangerous, but I think it is easier to regulate the behaviour in a healthy manner for men than the expectations for women can be.
Well, i read the womans, so it’s great that ladies read the man’s, they’re both good!
Beckham’s not a good example for me – I already despise him. I’m British, and I think it’s possible to be a soccer star, look good and not be a complete idiot. I think Beckham is stupid, so, no, I don’t want to be like him.
I also think his arms look weird.
For a second I thought I was just doing what dislyxec said, but it doesn’t work that way with other people. Let’s take Jason Statham, another Brit. Increasingly famous, strikingly handsome, yet in no way as loathsome as the aforementioned footballing toolbag.
Yes, I look at Statham and think I could probably do better. I see a professional model and think I could probably do better. I see Beckham and think: Man. Not that douchebag again.
Remember the days when someone would mention men’s story and the usual reaction was huh?
I think mens magazine is pathetic! Woman posted everywhere and real wifes think its a crock of shit! Might as well make it a porn magazine!