Aww! I miss the ’80s! Who doesn’t love a furry loin cloth that requires a bikini wax to wear??
It finally happened: I got the “you look too muscular” comment from another woman in the gym.
Gym Buddy Allison and I were minding our own business, finishing up our second set of 10 reps of 135-lb free-standing back squats (seriously, we rock, right??) when we hear from across the weight floor, “You know I used to squat heavy weight like that but then my legs got too big. I couldn’t afford to buy new jeans so I backed off on the weight and now my legs look great!” My eyebrows shot up as Allison managed to both hold her squat at parallel and snort at the same time. Whether or not this unsolicited advice was true for the woman speaking – and hey, to each her own, I don’t like buying new jeans either – it has not been true for Allison and I. We have both gone down pant sizes since starting weight lifting together over a year ago.
This did not stop the woman though as she approached us, continuing, “You know, you’ve really put on a lot of muscle lately.” She pointed at me. I blushed. “You,” pointing at Allison, “have always been big. But she,” pointing back at me again, “used to have a cute little runner’s build.” Continuing to address me she added, “You used to be lean and toned and now… ” Allison and I said nothing although my eyebrows continued to climb my forehead and Allison crossed her arms defensively over her chest. The woman finished awkwardly to me, “But I guess you like it that way, right?”
Like those sweat stains? That’s because I was putting those muscles to good use rock climbing thank you very much.I was stunned. Like what, exactly? I do like my muscles. I love being strong. I love being able to throw my six-year-old in the air and not throw my back out. I love being able to chase my toddler as he runs headlong into traffic and not be so winded that I can’t lecture him about car safety. And yet, I don’t want to look “big” or “bulky” any more than the next girl. And I didn’t think that I did. Until today. This did not help with the I-need-to-lose-10-pounds crazy voices that you know live in my head.
(On the flip side, Turbo Jennie told me last week that my 10 pounds look good on me as they just add a little more milk to my shake. And what are good friends for if not to tell you when your girls need fluffing?)
Although bonus idiot points for managing to insult both Gym Buddy Allison and I in the same breath, rude gym lady. Oh and one more thing, Allison is not “big” and has never been “big” since I’ve known her. She has awesome, totally appropriate muscles and you should have seen her back in her wedding dress. It was hot.
See?? Stunning!Take Two
Seeing as today is lower-body weight lifting day, when it was Allison’s turn to choose the exercise (we take turns – moms of toddlers gotta walk the talk!) she picked doing alternating lunges around the track. Just as we were rounding the last leg-shaking corner an older gentleman passed us and said loudly, “Wow, you two look like a couple of constipated ducks!” I wanted to ask him how he happened to have personal experience with constipated fowl (is that like the redneck version of fois gras?) but he was gone too quickly. Although this comment did not offend me as I took it to mean that we both had good lunge form (i.e. heads up and butts tight)!
And Three
Lastly, on the way out of the gym our two aforementioned toddlers ran straight into a bank of bushes that they have become enamored of lately. Allison and I were trying to find our babies in the chest-high bushes – our only clue as to their whereabouts being the occasional rock pitched out of nowhere – and were looking rather intently when we hear a jovial voice call out from behind us, “You girls find him?”
“Huh?” I turned around to see a different older gentleman.
“The Easter Rabbit!” He chuckled. I giggled. My toddler, never one to be left out of a good joke, laughed loudly – thereby enabling me to find him and snatch him out of the bushes. And the day was redeemed.
Is it just my gym where people make strangely personal comments or does this happen to other people too? What would you have said to that woman? I haven’t been able to come up with a single witty comeback, even this long after the fact!
Ah, but I sigh for the day someone comes up to me at the gym and tells me I look too muscular–I am lifting hard and getting strong, but since I am a size ten the muscles don’t show up much as outwardly defined entities. Given the choice I would rather be strong than look strong, but I want both! Savor it 🙂
(I thought the Easter Bunny comment at least was inoffensive, but I live in South Texas where we cultivate mild public eccentricity)
I’ve gotten comments about how much I work out before. Interestingly, before I was on a cross country and track team people thought it was a problem (and it was) but now I work out just as much and nobody thinks it’s weird or a problem simply because I have “an excuse” and while my obsessive exercise days are over (I hope) it still could be and is a problem for some of my teammates.
Also in I get comments from women in my gym when I am training indoors (running and or biking/using the elliptical for over an hour 6 days a week) and I quote this one women “Wow, you must eat A LOT!” this middle aged slightly overweight woman said to me. I was stunned, did she mean I must have to eat a lot to support my activity or I must eat A LOT in order to work out so much and still be fat. Sadly I took it to mean the latter, because based on her inflection it did not sound like I “get” to eat a lot because I work out lot but that I “must” eat a lot because of how I look. Does that make sense, probably not…lol.
To make my comment even longer: I don’t have good comebacks to these things. I just get shocked that others feel they have the right to comment on another’s body. What that women told you (about how you used to have a “cute little runner’s body” but basically now you look strong is ridiculous. And it kind of feeds into the stereotype that women must be weak looking to be attractive (I won’t go into all the things wrong with that).
One last thing, I know it’s almost the end of the week but Tri Delta is backing a “no fat talk” week, one week where we women end the fat talk, which is o destructive. I think you’d appreciate it. here is the link:
https://secure.pursuantgroup.net/pursuant4/deltadeltadelta/fall08/dddselect/flashstory.asp?
sorry this is soooo long :p
Na, I think it’s all gyms. I have had my fare share of “rude comment days”. People want to voice their opinions and that lady was probably jealous!
When you go to the gym, it’s like walking pregnant into a room full of women who have been pregnant. They all want to comment on your “bump” size.. your too small.. no, no, your too big.
When I was that far along I wasn’t that big.. on and on… same thing only at the gym people are comment on your WHOLE body! LOL
It’s kinda funny though.. you, darling have a body worth commenting on! =)
It WAS crazy comment day today!!!! The Easter Bunny one was pretty funny but the rude woman went too far!! Charlotte, I will tell you 100 times (or more, if need be) you look awesome!! Strong, toned, lean & beautiful…do NOT second guess how you look because of "her", she is just jealous!!!! And thank you for reminding me of my pretty muscles in my wedding pic!!!! 😀
I’m sorry… You look fabulous and not at all “muscley”.. and GBA in her wedding dress? If that’s big I need new glasses. Beautimous.
Now since I really started working out, people (in and out of the gym) all comments favorably about my rocking arms. Nobody says “you’re too muscley”.. they say instead that I’m their role model.. and they want the same look.
So screw rude gym-gal. She’s jealous that she doesn’t have buddy or the tenacity to work as hard as you two do. (135# back squats? you girls rock!)
Oh my god. Obvious and totally desperate attempt on that woman’s part to either a) in some weird way be your best friend b) try to make herself feel better by putting someone whose body she covets down. Ick. Feel sorry for her, but not you. You – and gym buddy Allison – look adorable.
Wow. What a douche bag. Obviously, this women is very insecure. Funny, if you were a dude, she’d be drooling all of your. Anyway, you look hot. I suspect she was just jealous.
that sound you heard was my jaw dropping and slamming on my desk!
people are so odd.
(and dont listen to the first woman. we love your build. and your sweat stains)
M.
Squats – a great exercise! Do them! Don’t listen to people who secretly wish they had your body (hey, that’s my take – jealousy). And…the sweat stains – those are cool too – you’ve earned them!
If I look like EITHER of you on my wedding day, I will die happy. Seriously.
I would have poked her eyes out. Or dropped a barbell on her foot. Honestly, I don’t know what I would have done, I am speechless with rage on your behalf! People don’t talk to each other in this country, it’s in the rules. PHEW.
TA x
Rude Gym Lady is a Crank!
I’d probably have just told her to F off, and perhaps thrown a dubmbell at her if I was feeling particulaly fiesty.
CP x
Wow. People do often say really strange things. You know, though, I dropped 2 pants sizes after I stopped lifting heavy on the legs and started running more, so it is possible.
I’m betting that she’s jealous, though. You guys look great and strong!
My gym is devoid of commentators, everyone is completely PC in leaving each other to their own business.
Except last week when, as I left, one of the guys pointed at me and said something to the owner. I assumed it was something rude but went back anyway and said “huh, what?”.
And he said “I was just saying that it’s good that you come to this gym. You’re the only woman who dares to do free weights and who really works her ass to the bone. We can’t get women to go that cause they don’t want the pain and the sweat, or because they’re scared they’ll bulk up. You’re a really good example.”
…
That’s a full years’ worth of going-to-the-gym motivation right there, man. I am sold.
You’re beautiful. Can’t imagine you 10lbs less. No way. As far as rude gym lady, just ask her if she was trying to ruin your perfectly fantastic workout or not and next time she should just keep her comments to herself.
Charlotte- Ingore the voices….ignore the voices…
Everyone has their own perception of “perfection”. What’s that old song, “Can’t please everyone, so you gotta please yourself”?
My GB and I would definitely be discussing those comments for years to come… jaw dropping.
Love Rozemary’s analogy…cool story Juleske!
You are an incredible motivator for all of us in so many ways. And, beautiful to boot.
Oh, and did you ask her if she had her own blog read by hundreds each day??? TeeHee
LOL! Yeah, I get comments at the gym also! The other day, I was chest pressing 240 (on a machine), and after a set I reset it to 220 for a second set. Just before I could begin, an older gentleman walked over and said, “Don’t feel bad, I have to back off on my weights too!” He was not trying to be funny. I do not make comments about other peoples bodies, or exercise unless it’s a simple “good job.” or something like that. Sheesh!
Oi vey Maria!
Earplugs. A good idea.
Or perhaps a gag for the clueless commenters?
I’m kind of a bitch, so I’d have made some disparaging comment back at her. Something along the lines of “well then, I guess you like the hanging arm fat look”.
And both you and Gym Buddy Allison look fantastic.
First comment – being STRONG is good. Feeling STRONG is good. What gives some woman the right to comment like that, I have no idea. Charlotte, you look awesome. Ignore the voices and ignore the bitches.
I have a friend who is anti-muscles on women. She constantly makes reference to my muscles in a weird way and I just respond “thanks” and invert it to a commpliment. 😛
Oh my rude.
That first lady has issues. I think the only comeback is one along the lines of, “yep. I love me this way. I look awesome.” Honestly I think she was just trying to mess with you…maybe to try to have you ask her advice or something? totally lame.
You can throw your six year old in the air without throwing your back out? Sheesh…I’ve gotten WEAK over the last little while, lol!
and the Easter Bunny comment totally made me smile.
I was told the other day that I’m getting a bit bulky (although to be fair I was the one to ask the question). My arms are apparently “starting to look like Madonna’s arms”. Is that a good or a bad thing?
Then on the other hand when I was telling someone about how I’d completed 100 push ups, he told me to flex and felt my arm muscle and was super impressed by it.
We all have different levels of what we define as “bulky”. But I’m pretty damn pleased with my muscle, and people shouldn’t come up with random and insulting comments if they aren’t asked for their opinion. Those people at your gym were so rude!
PS She DOES look stunning in that photo. And you look so cute! (Sweat marks and all;)).
The first one – I hope I would have said “thanks for noticing, I like my muscles” but who knows what I would have said in the heat of the moment. 🙂 The other 2 comments are just hilarious! My gym, people pretty much keep to themselves, or at least they do with me since I have my mp3 player going and headphones on my whole workout.
I would NOT call either of you bulky or muscley. You both look beautiful and strong, and I don’t understand the infatuation that many gym-going women have with being twiggy and getting paranoid about their muscles getting larger. But to each their own right? If that’s what she’s striving for then great, but her comment to you was entirely uncalled for!
I don’t think I’ve ever really come across people say stuff like that at my gym, but maybe it’s because I work there that they’re more reserved with stuff like that?
@Sagan: Madonna arms rock! They’re the perfect amount of muscle if you ask me
One day at my old gym I was wearing an athletic tank top to work out in (one that exposed some back), which was a pretty rare occurrence—I only own two or three of that style and I typically workout in a t-shirt (and shorts, but I hope that goes without saying). Anyway, it was an upper-body lifting day and as I was doing side lateral raises, one of the trainers came over to me and asked me if I had ever dislocated my shoulders. I haven’t. I looked at him and said, “no, why?” And he replied with “well, your shoulder blades are all funky and stick out weird.” Now, at the time, I wasn’t as thin as I am now, so I know by “bony” he didn’t mean too thin—he was simply insulting my (apparently) awkward looking shoulder blades. Needless to say, I never wore that tank top to the gym again.
Next time, ask her to hold your weight for you, then pause, and say, “oh, nevermind, it doesn’t look like you could.”
How rude!
Charlotte/GBA – That lady can go suck a duck. (sorry keeping up with the fowl theme). That wedding dress picture is gorgeous! And your sweat stains hard earned. I hate that my body tries to sweat after a 2 block run, but it doesn’t know that I’m not going on a 6K jaunt and am really just trying to avoid the rain.
I know comments like that can make the voices louder, but atleast you’re recognizing it and trying to keep it all in perspective.
ahh,so many comments… so littlw time.
GBA- I hope hubby carries tht pic in his wallet!
The next time I see you doing lunges at the Y I’m just going to start quacking.
To rude gym lady:
“I find it really interesting that you think it’s okay to give a complete stranger an unsolicited critique of her body. Would you like it if somebody did that to you?”
I don’t know. Too passive-aggressive? It’s kind of boring, but I think I’d get some satisfaction from saying it.
As far as the rude lady: I would have been far less restrained in my responses. I don’t feel that people have a right to comment on my form, appearance, or fitness goals at the gym… unless they are my trainer!
Oh, and she was wrong about everything she said, from the objective to the subjective. I think you may need to pay more attention to the tone of an interaction, rather than the message. Whatever she was saying was less important than why she was saying it.
Luckily people are far more polite here (I think – or at least more restrained) and avoid making helpful remarks. I prefer it that way.
I am FURIOUS at that woman! Whatever her opinions about muscles and whether or not she would want your shape is not the point. Where does she come off coming up to people and insulting them! She would never do something like talk about your hair color or clothing in such a manner. It’s just plain rude!
Some people can be so brash! I would have been speechless had she said that to me (I’m not good at comebacks either). Maybe she meant well, or maybe she’s just insecure, but wow- I can’t believe she really had the guts to say it.
BTW, you look totally fab, and Allison is NOT big (unless by big she meant larger than a midget, which I guess would be true- but I doubt that’s what she was implying).
The other two comments were just funny- weird, but funny.
um. Charlotte can I look like you when I work out? i’ve always been active and am in decent shape, but after one lunge my face always turns into a tomato. I look like… I dunno, DUCK GIVING BIRTH! haha. anyway, I agree with everyone else…. HOW RUDE OF THAT LADY!!! at the gym, no one should say one word to each other, in my opinion.
oh annnnnnd, fabulous t-shirt!!!! 😀
~Chandra
How’s this for a definition of too bulky? If when you walk, your hands are perpendicular to your body rather than parallel (thumb on inside).
nobody talks at my gym. ever.
and that lady? is she stalking you? does she watch you enough to know when your measurements change.
thats all very peculiar.
my gym is silent. always.
Kelly Turner
http://www.groundedfitness.com
Say whaaaaat?!!
Do you wonder if this lady is secretly jealous, and this is her manipulative way that she makes herself feel better? I know. I should give people more of a chance. 🙂
But, seriously, muscles are good. Muscles are sexy. I wish I had some (more)! This lady needs to get some, too, and maybe a life of her own. (Take that, gym stalker lady!)
WOW!!!!!! It must be the full moon, or something, ’cause people are acting nutty! (I was tailgated in heavy traffic about 60 times yesterday. I don’t get it: do they expect me to levitate over the 30 cars in front of me?)
I can’t think of a response to that incredibly rude woman, other than to stare blankly and pretend you don’t speak english.
Perhaps asking her if she’s been to the eye doctor lately?
Or maybe a psychiatrist, because she’s delusional. You two look SMOKIN’!!!!!!!!
The Easter bunny comment was pretty cute, though!
I’ve never had anyone make any kind of rude comments to me at the gym. That lady was unbelievable. The worst I’ve gotten is creepy guy who has to work out on machine next to me when there’s like 12 open machines…That wedding picture was stunning!
I’d rather people at the gym not talk to me at all than to comment on my body composition. It’s bad enough battling the voices in my head that are telling me bad things about my body, I don’t need someone else’s input.
one thing that really doesn’t help is our weekly weigh-in’s. for me, it’s obvious when mother nature pays me my monthly visit… usually close to 8 lbs creeps up. Now it’s obvious to my (male) weight coach. and i’m pretty sure i saw him make a face when he wrote it down.
I really have to stop and ponder about the nerve some people have… Do you see yourself in a mirror? Clearly you must like your body the way it is and like what weight training is doing for you. And that wedding picture? Stunning!
HA!
“You used to be lean and toned and now… “
Oh no she didn’t.
Those things don’t seem to happen at my Y. But when my wife was a little buffer, a guy did stop to tell her she should consider some competitive body building. But that’s all we’ve encountered.
Can I have one of those T shirts and the body to go with it?
I find that if I find something in what the person says with which I agree then I’m less likely to obsess on their comment. So, to the woman who thought she was talking to her television set when in fact she was talking to a sentient being, it might have been fun to say, “Yes, girl, look at these muscles. I’m going to get them as big as I can. I am muscular and I’m glad you noticed. Now, if you’ll excuse me please, you’re taking me away from my work.”
As to the Easter Bunny comment, it’s a cliche along the lines of, “Who’s walking who?” when I’m out walking the dogs, one of those memorized comments that are not thought out, not original, once were funny, no longer so. To these, I give up and give the person my best retail smile.
And you know, some days are like that.
How appalling!
I work out in a mostly gay gym where buffedness is assumed to be a positive, not a negative, for both women and men. It’s kind of another planet, I guess, though I don’t think I ever realized that.
I can’t imagine someone commenting on another’s appearance at the gym other than to pay a compliment.
Grrr… hope she finds your blog and realizes what an ass she was.
I agree whole-heartedly with Lance – do them squats. Chances are that person started doing them and then could not do more weight. I find guys do this all the time – they start doing dumbell presses, then they plateau so they move to a machine, or barbell. People have a really hard time 1) pushing themselves and 2) dealing with people who push themselves. Does that make any sense? I find often people in my roid rage, no not actually, gym not going for that all important last rep. in fact, this is true around the horn – people like to poke fun at others who are doing things they cannot, will not, or just have not tried.
from the looks of things – rock climbing and sweat stains constipated duck and squats are working for ya. so keep on rocking!
in trying to think of the weirdest comment i’ve ever received, it’s hard, no one ever really talks to me at the gym, but one time, this one time at Gym Camp, I was dead lifting, and pulled my back, like mid move, snap, tears! arched over in absolutel got wrenching pain. a dude says to me, “hm, pulled your back, that sucks” Really? Dude. No shite.
The other place I tend to, and boys chime in if you agree or disagree, receive off comments is in the toilet. standing there at the urinal, “so what do you call that exercise you were doing” well about 30 seconds ago i doing the “whip it out” and in about 5 seconds, I will do a 2 rep maximum of the shake and put away” why do guys ask about exercise at the toilet?! Leave me alone!
Charlotte, neat post. Sorry about your duck constipation… LOL you Quack!
Clearly that woman took a look at the two of you and was so overcome with envy the only way she could cope was to make you feel bad.
I haven’t had many weird comments at the gym, but actually did have a strange back handed comment there on Tues., regarding being pregnant. The man, who saw my other 3 kids, said, “This is your fourth?” I nodded. And he said, “Well you look good, you must recover well.” Huh? What? And if my twin skin weren’t now pulled taught by my big belly, would that be the time to whip it out and show him a thing or two about “recovering” from pregnancy?
um, you neither big nor bulky. you are lean and strong. My witty comback would be “Go eff yourself.”
Once again, this is why I feel people should get ‘one free punch’ a day to be used at their discretion.
Ugh, I hate when people talk to me at the gym, or at all. Or feel they have to share an opinion you didn’t ask for.
You are a very beautiful, very fit woman. I clicked on your picture twice, once to determine if the criticism was correct (decidedly not) and a second time just to appreciate your…good health. Nothing better than to see a woman who looks fantastic without a makeup team and Hollywood lighting. Hope that doesn’t come across as skeevy.
Hmmm. Nasty! I had a weird comment at my gym a while ago. I broke my arm while MTB’ing and came back to the gym after about 10 days. Bumped into a regular there who said “I heard you broke your arm and I just couldn’t stop laughing.” What. The. F? I looked at her for about 10 seconds and then just said I’m glad you find it so amusing. Not Dorothy Parker standard but I was just so stunned by it. Some people!
I used to work at the gym in college and there’s always the one or two people who apparently have no sense place and feel compelled to point things out to you.
Nothings more awkard than having a middle-aged man talking about how big your arms have gotten for, like, three minutes. ummm … thanks?
Just catching up on my GFE reading, so I’m late to the party but still COMPLETELY APPALLED that someone would say that you look too *anything*. For one thing, you look completely and totally fantastic — fit and lean and strong and vibrant. Not to mention your squat weight is rockin! Keep up the good work! And I really hope you take that woman’s head off (verbally, of course) the next time you see her.