Our society is warped. Twisted. A veritable fun-house of fat and thin mirrors when it comes to body image. We’re all well aware how the media accustoms us to starlets sylphlike on screen and sacks of bones in real life. Because the camera adds 15 pounds these days, you see. Even Kim Kardashian, queen of curves, felt compelled to exclaim in a recent interview, “I look a lot bigger on TV. When I meet people, the first thing they say is, ‘Wow, you’re so much smaller than I thought’. I look about 15 lbs heavier. I’m only 115 lbs, and everyone thinks I’m like 130 or 140. It’s bizarre. I’m a US size 2!”
Kim Kardashian’s butt size aside, it makes me wonder if we really are aware of the extent of the media distortion?
I’ve gotten a lot of interesting feedback from my 20/20 piece but one of the most common comments I’ve got is some incarnation of “But you never looked that skinny.” The implication of course is that I wasn’t skinny enough to have an eating disorder. I first encountered this during my pre-interview process with Fox News. The producer kept asking me for my “skinniest skinniest pics, the ones that show the most bones.” I knew what they wanted. They wanted to see a 64-lb walking skeleton with a nasogastric tube and furry arms. Because that’s good television. From the very beginning I told them I never got that thin but sent them some pictures from that time period. They weren’t satisfied and kept phoning, texting and e-mailing me for better pics all the way until I’d boarded my airplane. If I were more technically savvy it would have driven me to Photoshop, I swear.
The Skinny Pics Debacle Take 2 happened after the 20/20 interview taped, but before it aired. The producer for the segment e-mailed me many times asking for better shots with the implication being skinnier shots. But it wasn’t limited to just TV people with their characteristic penchant for extremism. My own family joined the chorus. In an e-mail to my uncle about the piece, my father wrote, ” I saw her frequently through the whole time period in question and yes, she was slim, but she was healthy, energetic, and happy (as far as I could see), and so I was never worried. I admit freely that she cares about food in ways I don’t, but hey, different strokes for different folks.”
I love my dad dearly and consider him a great friend as well as a great father but his seeming dismissal of my illness stung. Friends and acquaintances jumped on the bandwagon as well – some by comparing me to the super-skinny Johnny of the 20/20 piece and others by comparing me to popular TV or movie stars. “Well, you were thin but not like Angelina Jolie thin. And she doesn’t have an eating disorder.” To my crazy mind all of these comments came out sounding like “You weren’t thin enough as a normal girl and you certainly weren’t skinny enough as an anorexic/orthorexic. Even when you’re bad you’re not good enough!” How skinny would I have to get before people thought I was actually sick?
Here’s the thing: I had a BMI of 17. According the World Health Organization anything under 18.5 is considered unhealthy. But in a world where Kate Moss and Victoria Beckham subsist at about a 16, I do look kind of porky. And it wasn’t just low weight. I lose my period when my BMI dips below 19 – a fact I’ve discovered on several occasions in my post-pubescent life. Amenorrhea is indicative of such poor nutrition that the body feels like it cannot support a baby. I had low iron, whacked-out electrolytes, vitamin deficiencies and hair loss. But worst of all was the mental damage. I was depressed, neurotic and withdrawn.
It’s true that I didn’t break any bones, lose teeth or end up in the hospital with a tube up my nose – a fact for which I am deeply grateful. But I did hurt. It’s just most of the hurt was emotional. And that’s the wound I’m still working on healing.
At my thinnest – and most fragile mentally – I got tons of compliments. Everywhere I went people commented on my physique. One woman at the gym even told me I had “the perfect body” (as if there is such a thing). I loved how I looked in clothes, even while I was secretly horrified at how I looked naked – since I lose weight in my upper body first, my chest looked like a xylophone while my legs still kept their fatty bits. My therapist maintains that the compliments came because of my increased self confidence – and she may be right – but I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that we are conditioned to appreciate only extremely thin women.
A lot of women with eating disorders look “normal” to us.
My dirty little not-so-secret is that I would love to be that weight again, ribs and all. But I can’t do it and remain healthy. Some women probably can weigh what I did and keep their periods and their sanity. Not me. Not my body. And so I choose to maintain a weight higher than what is comfortable for me and waffle back and forth between self -hatred and -love because I know where the alternative leads and I can’t pay that price anymore. Even if that makes me look 15 pounds too fat on camera.
ugh, charlotte, I still can’t believe that folk don’t realise how damaging it is to say to such to someone…can’t they realise it’s a red flag to a bull?? It takes a lot of strength to realise that no, that thin was too thin, and not decide that you’ll continue skinnifying until you reach a universally acceptable level of ohmygoodness skinny.
There’s still a little voice in my head that wants people to gasp in shock and awe at how thin I’ve become…at my thinnest, when I was still getting periods but they were kicking the crap out of me, I was medically underweight, but all I got were compliments…I’m trying to learn to block out all the voices now, inner and outer, and just be okay with me. Trying being the operative word.
Your posts gets me up in the morning, by the by…
I know just what you mean. I am thin. My BMI is also 19. However I eat well and exercise is a priority in my life. I KNOW I am healthy. Still, I beat myself up sometimes. My legs and arms look terrific to me, but my core (abs, butt and chest) can never satisfy me. I’ve had two children and will never (at least it feels like never) again have that taunt middle. Of course (of course!) it was a fair trade, but the taunt middle is everywhere and so alas I just feel fat some days. Wahh…(more First World pettiness, I suppose.)
wow Charlotte… what an honest and revealing post. Thank you for sharing that with us. How hard that must have been for you to feel that even at your most unhealthy and skinniest state that you didn’t make “good television”. As if your self-esteem needed further abuse!
How conditioned are we to accept that waif-like women are normal, and even consider them to be more attractive than their healthy, toned, curvaceous counterparts.
I’m definitely not photogenic at the moment. I look at myself in the mirror and I can see where I’ve gained a bit of weight, but in general I think I look ok. Then I see a photo of myself and I am horrified. I have a double chin and chubby cheeks and enormous thighs! But only in photographs. I can only imagine what size celebrities really are if the camera truly adds 10lbs…
Really enjoying your blog, even though I don’t comment as much as I probably should. I’ll try to be less stalker-ish in future! 🙂
I understand your fury and frustration so absolutely and completely! It took a mental health professional telling me I wasn’t skinny enough to be seriously considered as having an eating disorder at BMI 17.5 for me to crash down to a 16.5 and even THEN people STILL told me I had a great body and girls would always ask me for slimming tips. Yet I was a wreck, physically and emotionally. I could barely function.
I’m so sorry that you had to go through that to make your fantastic contribution to the 20/20 piece. It makes me so angry that the supposedly intelligent people you dealt with were so desperate for that stereotypical extreme image of starvation that they could be so thoughtless. I want to call them heartless vultures, but it was probably just wilfull ignorance on their part. Not helped by the noramlisation of skinny women “who don’t have an eating problem” (whatever) in our magazines and on our TVs every day.
As for us, we will try to block it out. Sometimes it will hurt. Sometimes we will feel a weird little nostalgia for those days and forget how bleak and disgusting and utterly unsustainable they really were. But we’re stronger now than ever, we are happy now, we rise above!
I really really hope one of those celebrities breaks down, admits they have and problem and speaks out properly about it. We could really use an expose right about now.
TA x
amazing post. so honest. and I think that the most important thing (good gosh am I thinking TOO much like a mother? :))is for people to remember what you said about a lot of women with eating disorders look “normal” to us and the notion that YOUR disordered (can I say that?) weight might be another woman’s OK weight (I get a lot of MizFit DO YOU EVEN MENSTRUATE?and finally understood the question–if that makes sense–after your final paragraph).
I look forward to reading the comments.
I want to give you a hug! There is nothing more terrifying to me than to hear that someone is depressed and not feeling well emotionally. That is a desolate place that I wouldn’t wish on anyone in the world. I don’t know what else to say except that you are in my heart and my prayers. I’m so sorry you had/have to go through this.
Cara – As I was writing this, I knew you would understand where I was coming from. I’m glad that I am not the only person who struggles with this! And I get you up in the morning? Awwww!
Kat – “First World pettiness” – aptly put. That is a post in and of itself, I think!
Shivers – no worries! I’m happy when you just read and happy when you comment. The community here itself is such a gift to me:) And I’m glad you are taking good care of yourself.
TA – Like Cara, I knew you of all people would know where I was coming from. I felt the same way when I read your post on your blog about that cracked-out Psychiatrist. You have come through a lot, girl and I’m proud of you and grateful you share your experiences with us!
MizFit – You are so right about healthy looking different on different people. I just wish *I* could get that thru my head;) (It’s not a personal failure! It’s just genetics!!)
Colleen- Thanks for the hugs! Thanks to God and therapy, I am feeling much better these days. So no need to worry!
You are like baby bears porridge to me..just right!
I’ve never worried about BMI or other number measurements when it comes to body size. With my doctor training and artist’s perspective, I think I am a pretty good judge of healthy. While it’s true, I see many more people who I think are too heavy,
I still see a few who need to pick up a few, as we say in the south 🙂
Great post. I think people have such a screwy idea of what thin and health look like because of models and the media. Heck, I mean even Lane Bryant goes down to size 12 now. Size 12! It used to be my goal to get OUT of Lane Bryant – but now it seems like I’ll always be able to wear plus sized clothes. It’s ridiculous how confused society is. I think it’s also crazy how people always try to put a weight number to people. It’s always wrong. What does 140 lbs look like? On someone my height, I’d probably look like I need a cheeseburger, as I am a distant cousin to Amazon warrior princesses or something. On my 5’0″ friend, it probably looks plus sized. BMI doesn’t tell the full story sometimes, especially on the upper end if you are athletic. I know my body fat has dropped significantly and I only lost 5 lbs over that same time. MY BMI is still very high, but I have less body fat. Doctors and people in general need to get a fuller view of what health and weight mean.
Dr. J – Some day I would like to live in your head. You always have such an interesting perspective!
kimintri- So write about it being impossible to compare one human being’s health to another!
Great blog as always. It’s a real shame that eating disorders when discussed on televison news only addresses the most extreme cases and not where the majority of those with the disorder are at. I’ve had too many friends that you wouldn’t realize the horrific toll they are putting on their bodies until they are at the most dangerous of levels. I hope that eventually the rest of the journalistic community takes your lead and looks into eating disorders as a whole and what all stages of eating disorders does to the body, and not just the cases that are good for ratings.
I hate how people don’t seem to realize that just because THEY can’t see it, doesn’t mean there’s no problem there. Look at bulimia- people who have that eating disorder are usual average weight, and sometimes overweight. You don’t have to be Victoria Beckham skinny to have disordered eating and mental issues.
I lost my period for 3 months before I went on the pill. But I don’t like what it does to my hormones so I’ve gone off it again. Partially because I’m curious as to if my period will go away again… I feel comfortable with my weight and its not difficult for me to maintain it; it seems like the right weight for me. But I’m wondering if my body agrees with that.
I am so sorry that you feel this way. I struggle with figuring out exactly where I want to be but nowhere near this level.
When I read stories like yours though, I can really appreciate being part of a culture that generally prefers a more curvy woman. Where the ideal body looks more like Beyonce’s (who I’m sure is considered fat by Hollywood) than Angelina Jolie. Looking like Angelina would get you ridiculed in most cases. Of course, having the ideal body represented by Beyonce can be just as frustrating because not everyone can have that perfect hourglass figure without something getting out of whack.
This post makes me want to go shake some sense into people. Very frustrating.
Your comment about society’s expectations reminded me of this picture:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bikini
I mean, even wikipedia thinks the xylophone look is in.
It’s a really hard place to be in (I haven’t been there, but reading your blog posts, and having friends who’ve been through EDs, I can see the issues there). The bad behavior keeps getting reinforced by compliments, and if it’s “not quite bad enough” or you don’t like “too” thin, then people just figure you’ve come across the holy grail of healthy skinniness.
I wonder how much those attitudes have to do location/culture, because I have to say–and I don’t intend to sound mean at all–that, while I think your fantastically fit, I still find you to be very thin. So thin that I feel extremely uncomfortable whenever you mention those 10 pounds. I know Hollywood has completely warped people’s perception of what’s normal, but it’s mind-boggling to me that your own family thought you looked healthy with a BMI that low.
I really appreciate your honesty. It’s inspiring me to possibly begin blogging…?!
Anyway, another frustration for me that hasn’t been mentioned yet is how hard it can be to talk about it with friends and family. If you’re a thin woman and you want to talk to those close to you in order to work through the pain and cognitive distortions, it can be very hard. Not that it’s easy for many to probably talk about losing weight if they truly need to, BUT I find it impossible to talk about my struggles when I know my friends will give a resounding “what?! Even you have fat days? That’s just stupid.” A dismissal of my feelings and yes, what I know to be ridiculous.
I hope to be able to find a safe place to talk about the pressures all women feel in society, to move toward feeling healthy. I want to always remember that when I leave this planet, I left behind a lot of good—and this does not include how I looked in the process.
Charlotte, your post was wonderfully worded and amazingly honest. I can understand how you warped those comments in your head, I’m prone to that myself. At least you have the self-awareness to recognize it. You’re more fit than anyone I know in real life and work hard for that. Your post made me smile and pout all at the same time.
It speaks volumes about us that we are conditioned to accept sickness as normal.
In grad school I was anorexic. But,like you, all I got were compliments on how I looked. (Then, when I moved to L.A., requests to lose more weight.) People asked how I got slim, and thought I was kidding when I said it was through anxiety. (Having 10-12 panic attacks a day can make it hard to eat.)
In your dad’s case, I wonder if maybe he’s kicking himself a little for not knowing? (That’s how it sounds to me. Granted, I don’t know him.)
“My dirty little not-so-secret is that I would love to be that weight again, ribs and all. But I can’t do it and remain healthy.” Wow – that basically sums up all of my eating issues right there. 🙂
Strangely enough, I NEVER watch 20/20 but happened to have it on the night that episode aired and had no idea it was you! You are famous!
People make so many careless comments about women and their bodies. I hope that one day everyone will become aware how sensitive this issue is, and how biting comments can cause a relapse or at least the flooding of all those old, unhealthy feelings.
I had a girl crush on a yoga instructor once (wait for it… this may or may not be relevant…) a crush in that, “I can’t stop staring at your body” sort of way. The thing is, she wasn’t “skinny.” Don’t even know that I would have called her thin. She was tall and healthy looking (and I realize that for some “healthy looking” equates to “had a few spare pounds”). She was just so well proportioned and, honest to goodness, she looked good. I remember wondering if I could be as content and confident as she was with what was for our skinny -obsessed society, a few extra pounds that, indeed, complemented her so well. Still, could I be? I think I admired her for the confidence she displayed in the body she was in as much for the body she was in. Eventually, she lost weight–I don’t know how or why–but then… she just looked normal. Her physique didn’t have that specialness to it anymore. Sigh. I’m not sure I ever got around to making a relevant point, but that’s what I have to add.
Interesting phenomenon, isn’t it? Some years back I was extremely depressed and I dropped a bunch of weight in a short amount of time. I couldn’t tell you how much because I hadn’t been overweight to begin with, and I wasn’t in the habit of weighing myself.
I had one friend, who I hadn’t seen in a few months say to me “You’re so thin!” in a way that did not make it sound like a good thing. She was the exception, other people said how good I looked. Kinda scary when I think about it now.
But yes, I admit it. I’d be happy to be that thin again, though I’d rather not suffer from depression to get there.
Yes, the media distorts EVERYTHING! Why would you put any value in what they report? You can’t tell me that the super skinny celebrities don’t have any issues of their own. Famous or not, they are not immune to the calories in – calories out = weight loss/gain equation.
Why can’t we just love the skin we’re in?
Ted – thanks for your support! And I am sorry that you have other friends similarly messed up. Sometimes I think it is harder being the "friend of" than the actual sufferer. PS> Your guest editor write-up for Jennie was PERFECT! Loved every word of it.
Sagan – Good point about the bulimia. I am interested to see how your "experiment" turns out. keep me posted!
Determinedtobefit – I think you're right. I need to change cultures. Sadly I'm too thin to be considered beautiful there. Lose/lose;)
Merry – holy crap! Who chooses those pics??
Lethological – "the holy grail of healthy skinniness"!! I love you.
Anonymous (1) – thank you for telling me that. It really does help me to hear how other people see me. And honestly I make myself nervous whenever I mention those stupid 10 lbs:) Thanks for the wake-up.
Bird Brains – I do SO know what you mean. And it is a shame that it is just one more thing that is so hard to talk about.
Seabreeze – Aww! Your comment just made grin! Thanks, girl.
Azusmom – You need to write a book, Alyssa! Seriously, you have such an interesting perspective.
CDlover – fame does not equal notoriety;) But thanks for watching me! And I'm glad I'm not alone in the crazy.
Kara – Girl how I love you! You can ramble away on my blog anyday! And I am very prone to girl crushes myself so I know exactly what you mean.
Javachick – yep! Been there with the emotional distress diet! Not fun at all. Glad you are back to a happy spot!
Darcy – excellent point about the celebs having issues!
There is a fine line between skinny and too skinny, but it’s different for everyone and you just have to be careful. I’ve had an issue with being to thin at one point in my life but I was able to get back on track and I feel better now than I did then. Thanks for the post.
I have been working on health site called peoplesmd.com. There is some great information on diet, fitness, and healthy lifestyle. It’s a great way to keep track of your favorite sites, and find new ones. I think you all would really like it!
Charlotte – Maybe this question is too personal but I was wondering what your hubby thinks of your weight. I find that a lot of men prefer women with a reasonable amount of meat on their bones. Slim and fit is attractive but there comes a point when too skinny is not attractive.
Those BMI scale weights are seriously questionable in my opinion. I score slightly to the high side for my age/height/weight and I’m 5’11 and 160 lbs and no one would say I’m too big. I, for one, completely ignore that scale.
Anonymous – My husband is one of those rare men who never comments about weight. He (I believe honestly) has loved me just the same at my thinnest as he has when I was 9 months pregnant! Sometimes I try and pry a more specific answer out of him but he just says, “I love you, you look beautiful.” I should also add that his favorite “outfit” of mine is my pajamas. He’s a no-fuss kind of guy. I really think he doesn’t notice my weight fluctuations much.
Nitmos – I agree about the BMI being a bad indicator of health (I even did a post on that!) but the scale is usually wrong in the heavy directions, as per your example. I used the BMI number as a way to get around posting my actual weight/height. Many girls (myself included) find reading the actual numbers very triggering.
It took many many years to accept that I’ll never be skinny. The best I’ll be is super muscley and toned. I spent 20+ hours in the gym during my gymnastics days and never got below a 20 BMI. So in my world, you are a super skinny superstar! 🙂
There were times when I wanted to lose weight and felt out of control about it that I wished I had the willpower to be anorexic. How messed up is that? I regret those thoughts everyday now and am thankful that I indeed *didn’t* go that route and learned how to do this healthy living thing the right way, even if it took a decade longer than I’d have liked. Even without that monkey on my back – I’m still working through a lot of emotional stuff as the weight comes off.
You’re right, this society is a very warped place, especially when it comes to body image. As a re-toucher for major magazines, I see a lot of what is considered “too fat” for the cover of a magazine.
As someone who is considered overweight by medical standards (I just dipped below 150) I am horribly obese to the average person.
I am sorry that people said those things to you. I do believe that your Dad simply feels guilty for not seeing that you were sick, and was trying to explain away why he didn’t catch it.
Hopefully someday this society will wake up and realize what it’s doing to itself. In the meantime, realize that you are an inspiration to a lot of people fighting the same fight.
-Meg
For me, too skinny is basically the current standard of ‘beauty’ as defined by advertising media. I’m regularly appalled by what I see in clothing catalogs, or even film. What are these people possibly going to be capable of, other than standing around looking ‘beautiful’? Can they rip a line on a snowboard? Hang on to a windsurfing sail for more than a minute? Swim to safety when I foolishly ditch the canoe in Class 3 whitewater because I insist on standing in the stern? My standing paddling technique is impeccable, and this has never happened, but bear with me…
There are plenty of beautiful women who can do these things, but they don’t look like the waifs I see in magazines. The girls I’m attracted to aren’t afraid of a five mile trek up past the snowline, or swimming out through the breakers to snorkel over a reef.
Healthy, for me, is hot. Thin is at best, thin, and at worst, horrifying.
Amenorrhea = too skinny. Plane and simple. From an evolutionary standpoint/perspective, once you lose the capability to reproduce you might as well turn in your uniform and head for the locker room because you are out of the game!
This is a great post, one that is particularly interesting given my line of research. I find it absolutely, utterly annoying when girls refer to themselves as being too fat and showing desire to look like one of these waifs portrayed on tele. Absolutely nerve racking. Girls, I am going to tell you – and I have scientific evidence to back up my claim (!) – men don’t like those bitches! They look like our younger sister, or brother for that matter (ok, so maybe some guys like that, but you certainly dont want to impress them!) Men like a ‘real’ women. I know television does not portray that image of reality, but last I checked there was no such thing as a car with a brain (Knight Rider), a bionic women, people turning into super heroes, or a bunch of idiots lost on some magnetic super mysterious island (who’s writers wont end that god forsaken catastrophe of a show!) News: TV is not real!
OK, so maybe girls want to be skinny for themselves, not to impress dudes. I don’t buy it, personally, but that’s because I think just about everything we do revolves around sex and reproduction; i.e. without it our species would have long since gone extinct, but we didn’t. So the question is one of “why” females (and I guess some males) do this to themselves. I don’t have a good answer, but a colleague of mine has some pretty convincing data suggesting that the incidence of eating disorders (that make you skinny) is related to sexual disenchantment. His theory is that by starving one self, a female actually helps their body attain a pre-pubescent figure. This, theoretically, should be less attractive to the opposite sex (and indeed it is) and thus the sexual disenchantment should no longer occur. (By sex disenchantment he typically means: bad relationships, sexual abuse, etc, etc).
Not the most popular view, that’s for darn sure, but from a strictly biological point of view it makes sense and in the end aren’t we all just animals?
I know how that feels. In the middle of my ED (a mix of anorexia and orthorexia), when my mom and sisters were telling me that I looked “too thin”, my dad busted out “but she looks normal, not like those eating disorder people”. While I was grateful to him at the time (because it made me feel like my sisters were harping on my weight loss because they were jealous), there was a little voice in my head that went “Really? I’m not skinny?”
And my BMI was 16.
I’ve gotten better, but that comment sticks in my head a lot.
I look at pictures of myself when I was sick, and I was never skin and bones skinny. the only reason people were so alarmed was because they knew what I looked like BEFORE- at a clinically normal weight. But the sad thing is, thats what I used to rationalize it. I used to always tell myself that if they just met me, they wouldnt be alarmed at my weight. its just they knew me before.
I never considered myself fat. ever. i knew I was averaged sized at my highest weight, and thinner than most of the girls i knew. I just wanted to be EXCEPTIONALLY thin. because thats what people notice. our society accepts thin, loves thin- i wanted to be even thnner than that, which of course was dangerously thin.
Im disgusted that they KNEW your history, yet still made sch insensitive remarks. its shocking.
Kelly Turner
http://www.groundedfitness.com
Quix – I too am glad you never got caught up in this nonsense. I wish I never had.
Meg – 150 is hardly horribly obese. The average woman weighs 147. So I'd say you are just fine, girlfriend. But I do understand where you are coming from & I am glad we're not alone in this!
deprogram – very eloquently put, my friend! Your last line says it all. And this? "Swim to safety when I foolishly ditch the canoe in Class 3 whitewater because I insist on standing in the stern" is completely awesome:)
Prof – I love your perspective. Your research fascinates me. Sometime you must tell me more about it! And thank you for reminding me of the red-blooded male point of view!
Tricia – weird how those little comments stick, no? I'm so sorry you had to go through that too. And I'm glad you are doing better!
Kelly – I don’t think people meant any harm. I just think that people who don’t have the crazy voices in their heads don’t realize what it sounds like to those of us who do. And I can so relate to your (prior) ever-thin quest.
As someone who has struggled with anorexia and body images issues since childhood, this post really struck a chord with me. I experienced the extreme emaciation that comes with a 15.0 BMI, but on the path to extreme skinniness, there were many times when I was complimented on my “great body” and amazing weight loss. It was only when I got so thin that you could literally see the bones in my face that people had a problem. The worst part is that now I am at a “healthy” weight, with the highest BMI I’ve had in a while (20) and I constantly feel fat! Its an insane world we live in
Misty – I totally know where you are coming from. I feel fat at a 20 BMI also, even though I know rationally that that is actually the lowest end of the “healthy” range and my doctors don’t want me any lower! It IS an insane society we live in. Thanks for sharing your story with me, girl.
Thanks. At my thinnest, I looked “thin and healthy.” Never mind that when I lay down, I could put a book between my hip bones and lay a sheet across without any lift. Never mind that I could see my top ribs, and portions of my spine. Never mind that I had ALL KINDS of weird rules around what I could eat and when I could eat it, or that my period was extremely irregular (if it came at all).
People see pictures of me from that period, and don’t understand, because my body has NEVER been Kate Moss’s body.
So thanks for this. I’m glad I wasn’t the only one out there.
Marste – Thank you for sharing that with me. It’s funny – we see a thin girl on the street and automatically assume it comes naturally to her. When the truth is there are a lot more people like you and I, think. Glad you are healthier now!
It's sad how thin people need to be to think of themselves as "thin and beautiful"! I don't mean pathetic, I just mean… sad. I have to admit I have that problem. I have "Peace calves", which is what we call the huge calf muscles we get in my family! I keep trying to slim down without realizing that I AM normal. I'm just naturally more muscle-y and big-boned. I'm 5'3 and 118 pounds, but I still have a bit of chub on my belly and thighs, so I don't get it. I have an issue with getting skinny legs. I see them as huge cause I compare them to super skinny girls' legs. Problem is they ARE kinda big cause I have a lot of muscle (I always say I was born with Arnold Swarzchineggar legs). But I just can't seem to change my way of thinking and feel so embarrased in public though I know I shouldn't. Do you have any tips for me on how to quit being an idiot? I'm only 15, I shouldn't have this issue right now!! You're story affected me but I'm just not changing.. please help me :{
Anon – Oh honey, I wish I had all the answers for you!! 15 is such a wonderful age but a hard one too – I'm so sorry you are struggling so much with your self-image right now. You are beautiful and powerful legs beat skinny-minny wimpy legs any day! Be proud of your strength, inside and out! And def. find someone in real life to talk to about this – a parent, a teacher, a clergyperson.
Anon, if I may. You are not being an idiot, you are expressing a psychological issue that plagues millions of americans, of humans because of faulty advertising campaigns (primarily targeted at females). Know this, however, men prefer women, MEN ACTUALLY PREFER WOMEN that have a little meat on their bones and find most waif-ys not so attractive. You are probably saying, Bullshit SP! What do you know about this? Turns out, I do know a little. I am an experimental psychologist who does research on attractiveness and have just published a few academic papers on the topic of female bodies. The most interesting one is that meatier, curvier women (think Waist-to-hip ratio) actually activate parts of men's brains involved in attraction. Those women's bodies that are too skinny and curve-less (Char is that a real word?) did not turn on the men's brains. Additionally, there is a ton of research on this; men prefer 'real' women.
Personally, if I were to give advice, I'd say – you are probably already perfect. You plight comes from society pushing this bullshit on you (pardon my language but it really upsets me). If I was training you, as a personal trainer, I might suggest a functional fitness program that targets shaping the body the way it was supposed to be designed (and for women that's muscular and curvy). There are various programs that do this effectively, but I am a trainer in one: CrossFit (www.crossfit.com). I do hope that these thoughts wane and you can become happy with yourself. It's one of our modern day issues: being aware of ourselves and being happy with ourselves. And like Charlotte said, you could whip a skinny girl's ass, right. So ride that wave. Embrace your womanhood (am I becoming a feminist?) and be confident in your own skin.
Easy for me to say, not easy to prescribe. I am not happy in my own skin. Men face the same issues: maybe not perceptually the same, but effectively the same. Rather than skinny being the societal oppression, it's the 6 pack. Every guy on TV who takes his shirt off has one. Women love it, right? Argh! My plight.
Lastly, and I apologize for writing so much here: but seek a friend, teacher, clergy, parent, someone in real life that knows you well and will support your new found confidence and love in yourself. Avoid people who do not. and definitely avoid people who try to get you to look like that ugly norm – we all need to embrace who we are, what we are, and what we look like!
Best of luck to you!