My friend L and I have been best friends since elementary school. We thought we were two halves of the same person and campaigned relentlessly to our parents to never, ever separate us. After all, a multitude of friendship bracelets, twin My Child dolls, and even an actual padlock hooking us together couldn’t be wrong!
As we grew up though, life and husbands took us to opposite ends of the country and we became Christmas card and the occasional e-mail buddies. Recently we have rebonded: over – get this – skin. See, in addition to sharing a love of running (L ran her first marathon this fall!), we also birthed three children and have the marks to prove it.
Back in our My Child (like Cabbage Patch dolls but creepier) days, we often fantasized about having twins and raising them next door to each other. But our fantasies were noticeably void of several truths: sex (this was pre-Jamie Lynn after all), the work/home balance (We were planning on joining the circus. Apparently all those babies were cared for by clowns. Not a bad gig, now that I think about it.) and of course, the toll on our bodies.
Stress incontinence, stretch marks, wayward nips and the ubiquitous “mummy tummy” were not part of the dream. 15 years later, I’d call them more of a nightmare.
There are a few lucky ladies who escape pregnancy and breastfeeding blemish free but for most of us, being a mother definitely affects the way we workout. I have one Gym Buddy who has a “two air jack maximum” in TurboKick before having to leave class to use the bathroom despite always going before class starts. A Gym Buddy from Seattle refers to her post-nursing chest as “rocks in socks” and, despite being an A cup, has to pour them into two sports bras to keep them from heading for the border. For me, I have stretch marks from knee to clavicle. So much so that my oldest son christened me The Tiger Lady when he was three. It doesn’t matter how good my abs are, the world will never see them in the light of day. Although you are welcome to admire my kneecaps as much as your little heart desires.
But it is the mummy tummy – or twin skin (a slight misnomer as I’ve only ever had very large singletons) – that has brought L and I together again. Last week she sent me an e-mail that is probably the number one question women ask me. (You really don’t want to know the number one question men ask me. Of course after this post, they’ll probably ask it a lot less.) L writes:
“I feel like no matter how many crunches I do or what technique I use my belly just doesnt look that great. I have lost all my weight and even more so I dont think thats it. Under the loose, wrinkly skin I can feel the muscles and definition but it doesnt show at all. have you found a way around that? (not involving a scapel or paper cutter). Its discouraging to work so hard but to not see any results. My belly is flat, but not really sexy. Just flat and saggy. Any thoughts?”
Paper cutter aside (horrible mental image – thanks a lot L!), the short answer: welcome to motherhood. Your stomach is simply one of many sacrificies you will make for your kids.
The slightly longer answer: Many (male) trainers have told me that the secret to this problem is to lose body fat. They all swear that the twin skin will tighten up on its own and that those sexy ab muscles will show once that pesky fat is gone. I have two problems with that answer: a) women need fat to live and b) it just isn’t true.
I hope I’m not going to regret this, but in the interest of helping women everywhere feel better about themselves I’m going to give you a guided tour of my abs.
First things first – I generally avoid the use of any number on this site as they can be very triggering for people with eating disorders and I have a significant number of readers that either have been or are disordered. So if this kind of thing bothers you, please stop reading here. (I know, that’s like a red sign pointing at the text below but you know what you need, so please take gentle care of yourself.)
My body fat percentage is 13.8% (I had my body fat tested hydrostatically – in the dunk tank – so this number is very accurate.) This is very low for a woman (average is 30%, most women aim for 20-25%). Doctors usually say that women need at least 10% just to survive and about 14% to menstruate. A popular workout guru whom I contacted through their website assured me that anything below 18% would give me “flat abs” and that below 16% I’d have visible ab definition all the way down.
As you can see, that just isn’t true. Now, don’t get me wrong – I’m NOT complaining. My stomach looks flat in fitted clothing, I can wear a (one piece) suit with only minor embarrassment and I do have some visible ab musculature. However, there is obviously a lot of damage. A is pointing at some visible scars from random surgeries I’ve had (no expendable organs left here!). B and G show that my top two abs are visible (they would have been more prominent if I’d taken the pic in better lighting after my morning workout but I’m lazy so this is post beans-for-dinner.) C shows stretchmark central. And D shows the line where I normally ride my pants thereby avoiding the, ahem, overhang you see in the picture. In addition to the excess skin on the sides, you can also see the loose skin in the little hood over my belly button.
This is the money shot. Just because I love you all so much and wanted to be completely honest, I did not suck it in (see F). For those of you that are into numbers, I “pinch” at 3mms on my stomach with the calipers. I have no extra fat to lose (on my stomach anyhow, thighs are a whole other story.) All of that you see is loose skin. Plain and simple, this is my stomach after having 4 kids.
All of the beautiful sculpted abs you see on post-partum Trista Rehn, Angie Harmon and the like? Genetics and photoshop. Airbrushed tans and surgery. They are lucky and they are enhanced. Ladies, for most of us this goal of perfectly flat abs is not only unrealistic but downright crazy making. A little below the belly bulge is normal. Gents (any of you that are still reading and haven’t run from the room in horror yet), please manage your expectations. Your opinion means a lot to us. These are the tummies that carried your babies. Just love them.
Women, I truly hope that this helps you feel better about yourself. We have gestated and birthed babies. We have cuddled lovers. We have cradled the very old and nursed the very young. We are beautiful the way we are.
Now I’m going to make a request for the comments today (and this goes for both genders!): please no comparisons. Not to me and not to anyone else. Just tell me what you love about your body. Tell me what your partner loves about your body. Tell me what your kids love about your body. Tell me how you manage your expectations in a world that force-feeds us Jessica Alba 3 months post-partum in a bikini (and photoshops Mischa Barton so badly that they even removed the poor girl’s navel). Tell me how you chase the negative thoughts out of your head. Please tell me, so that I didn’t just post pics of my pasty, scarred torso on the Internet for nothing!!
For more pictures of pregnant and post-partum bodies, be sure to check out The Shape of a Mother.
I could only hope for such a figure! You are gorgeous as always!
Not that I have children yet, but I get all of the big-stomach fears as well.
But I’m a bellydance – whenever I feel bad about a bit of extra fat, I just remember that it looks more effective when I’m dancing ๐
Thanks so much for writing this. I’m sitting here near blubbing at my desk ๐
I don’t have kids but i have lost 175lb so my belly looks like I have had about 175 kids.
It’s so nice to read such positive, realistic and reassuring words… rock on! ๐
IMO it’s all like the crows feet which are happily taking residence on my face ๐
(for those w/out kids yet)
signs of having lived. laughed. experienced. all the many imperfections GAINED along the way are what makes me who I am.
M.
I think that my mommy-tummy skin has definitely shrunk in the three years since I had my third kid. Although I can see definition in my abs; my tummy skin still sags into a sad little coin purse whenever I bend over. I know that it is very sexy, that must be why I’m compelled to show everyone I know what’s going on there.
I do try to wear some kind of compression garment – also sexy – when I work out. At least that way, my tummy skin won’t have the chance to stretch and sag further.
Thanks, Charlotte. We’re trying for our first, and it’s the physical changes that are freaking me out right now. I know I should probably freak out about other things, like actually taking care of a baby, but I figure I’ll deal with that later, ’cause I like to procrastinate.
See, I’m pretty happy with my body right now. I love how my back and arms are always toned, even when I get lazy and don’t work them. I love my strong legs, even though they’re thick, because they carry me long distances. It’s all about perspective, and realizing the strength in what you have, not the pitfalls.
Great post.
If we could all see our bodies as natural, and the photoshopped models as fake and unnatural, just think how much energy we could free up for more important things!
I can’t claim to be completely immune to these fake images, but I’m generally happy enough with the body I have and the lifestyle I lead not to wish for anything too different.
I haven’t had kids though; it does sound like that adds a huge challenge to body image issues for a lot of women.
Wow, Charlotte, what a great post! The whole post partum body is a hard issue. I love that you posted pictures, and I love, love, love Shape of a Mother.
I’m actually pretty ok with mine. It doesn’t look like it used to, but I am getting more and more comfortable with that. As far as men go, my husband has never complained about the changes in my body. He tells me I am beautiful and sexy whether I am 186 pounds or 136. I don’t think men care nearly as much as we think they do. ๐
Thanks again for being so brave and open on your blog.
As I haven’t had kids yet, I don’t really know personally what this feels like – but I’ve seen a lot of my friends and my sisters go through these same emotions. I always hope “Maybe I’m one of the small percentage that will be lucky!”, but I know this probably isn’t true.
I hope, like you, that I’m able to focus on the positive…the things that I bring to my body because I work hard and eat healthy. I HOPE I can do that…and I can only hope to look half as good as you! ๐
You go girl! Love your honesty with all your posts. And the information (right from the heart) is priceless.
I love my body more than ever after having two kids. I was fit when I became pregnant and felt sexy while pregnant. I really loved watching my body change. It is amazing! I continue to be fit and do things that make me feel good about myself.
I also think that as I get older, I care less what others think and have become more confident in myself. Learning to love yourself is the most important thing!
Charlotte, thank you for sharing. Have you made peace with your tummy? What do you love about yourself?
everyone should read this post
My mom is proud of her ginormous c-section scar (runs down from her navel). It makes her smile. It's a reminder to her of where myself & my brother came from and that once upon a time, we were "in there".
Our bodies are beautiful. They are meant to carry us on our journies, not be our journey. We must respect them and apprecaite them for what they do for us.
There is nothing quite like the miracle of carrying a child. I have no children yet of my own and it amazes me to know that one day my body will create a life.
Great post!
I am in total awe of a women’s ability to carry a child, deliver, maybe gaining 50 pounds or more, and recover often stronger than before! If men just picked up another 50 pounds every few years or so, Yikes!! I don’t think we would do anywhere near as well!
once again you have touched on an issue that gnaws at me. i am also tiger tummy, thighs, hips, and tush.
when i see celebs celebrated for looking perfect after having babies (and my mom too – sheesh), i look at my marks and feel bummed.
when you posted your article and pictures you remind me of what’s normal and the others are more likely exceptions.
thanks for helping me feel better : ) i appreciate you and your candor.
keep it up! you’re awesome!!
Your belly is so cute! And girl – your “muffin top” is barely a muffin mini-bite! ๐
My husband loves my butt. I do not share the love, but I’m working on it. I think my feet are pretty amazing because they take me lots of places! And I guess I can love on my legs a little bit too since they help my feet.
Thank you for posting this. I too have many many stretch marks, but for some reason they don’t really bother me. I have accepted (and dare I say embraced?) my thunder thighs, and am totally in love (and so is my husband) with my big rack (prekids I was barely a b-cup, now I’m a D!).
I think you get to a point where it’s not all about how you look, but about what you can do physically with your body – at least that’s how it’s been for me.
Fantastic!
Interesting information on the body fat- I need to get around to getting mine tested one of these days. Am curious.
We need to accept that this is the way it is and be comfortable with that! And also to understand that no one else really cares that much about our tummies. I once found myself complaining to a boyfriend that I thought I was gaining weight and my tummy was getting too soft and he looked at me like I was crazy and told me he saw no difference. Then I realized that I was just having one of those “I feel bloated” days- and obviously the tummy can’t change that dramatically in a couple days!
We worry too much:)
Uh oh! Does that mean that if I start as a DD cup, I’ll get even larger when I have kids?!
I’m much happier with my body than I used to me. I don’t get very good muscle definition, so I’m ecstatic if I come across even a little line. In the last year, I’ve noticed two little ab lines on my tummy, and while I’ll never have a 6-pack (or a 4 or even 2 pack), I was totally psyched about that!
No kiddies yet–But, after reading your post I am a little jealous to not be in your “mommy sorority”. All the women who posted here and your honesty and pictures make me yearn for the time that my husband and I decide to have children. I’ve heard my mom over the years talk with her friends in mild disgust over their post-baby bodies. I can remember even as a young girl thinking, “but mom, you had me! Isn’t all that worth it?” Of course it is. We should all call and thank our mothers now.
Thank you for your post.
Loved your post. I don’t love my mommy-tummy but it mostly shows when I bend over, not when I stand up straight. I have the hood over my belly button and just tell my husband and I will get it pierced one day – it is perfect for that now.
Your post has reminded me that without my stretchy thighs and belly, I would not have my 2 amazing daughters. I am almost 43 now but stronger than I was in my 20s (thank goodness, with 2 teenagers to keep up with). I can run, workout, play tennis, climb a rock wall and still make a mean dinner and I am here for my girls – my family loves me regardless of how flat my belly is – thanks for reminding me of that!
I’m being supportive and not commenting or comparing. That being said, I run in order to feel powerful and to show my body that I love its ability to walk/run/function on a daily basis.
ditto to so many of your comments. I especially loved Mizfit’s:
“signs of having lived.”
Would I do it (have three kids in 6 years) all over again knowing how my body has changed? In a HEARTBEAT. It’s beyond worth it for the all of the love.
Not only that, I’ll never get a tummy tuck, and never have plastic surgery (although I can’t say I’ve never considered it, lol). Women who not only admit their imperfections, but embrace them (and post them!) are women that I want to be like (not the airbrushed ones).
Also, I’ve never been as fit as I have been post-kids. My appreciation for what my body is capable of grew with each pregnancy.
Ok, I’ll admit. I’ve been lurking on your blog for a while but never posting. GREAT article today. Seriously. It’s one of the most inspiring and honest things I’ve ever read on the internet.
I have one daughter, and she left me with what I call “my medals of motherhood” which were presented to me in the form of silvery stretch marks on my muffin top area. Whenever I get the “not so sexy feeling” I remember that my body served its purpose and produced a beautiful child. I wouldn’t trade her for flawless skin, or even ripped abs.
Lovely brave post!
I don’t have children yet but want to… and stretch marks are totally ok compared to getting a healthy child.
My (long-term) boyfriend LOVES my softer bits… that ‘baby shelf’ (see? made for babies already!) at the top of my hips is a particular favorite. But he also loves the slight curve of my stomach (I have a ‘two-pack’ and then a little curve, which I don’t mind… it’s a healthy curve, not a fat one. [My waist is 29 inches.])
And he loves my breasts and bottom! I think they’re pretty nice too. ๐ I’m what I call an athletic hourglass. And I’d much rather be exactly how I am than weak and skinny. So there, silly world!
Great post!
My first husband said I had a zebra butt because that’s where all my stretch marks went. Zebras are graceful and camouflaged (I know I didn’t spell that right); tigers are strong and beautiful. So we should be lucky to have their stripes!
I love my drippy breasts (as my then-7-year-old daughter called them) for nourishing 3 children for various lengths of time. I love my hips for allowing a 9-pound baby to slide through them easily, and then giving me a place to rest his weight as I carried him on my side. I love my stomach for growing and shrinking repeatedly (and probably again in the future) to accommodate growing new lives.
It’s all a matter of perspective, huh?
Thank you, Charlotte! Thank you for showing us your BEAUTIFUL stomach (I say run, don’t walk, and get yourself a bikini!), and for busting all the myths of fat loss, six-packs, yada-yada-yada that are forced down our throats continuously.
This post could not have come at a better time! I was just in the shower lamenting my belly. After reading this, I stood in front of our full-length mirror, next to my beautiful daughter, and pulled up my shirt to gaze at my tummy. And you know what? It ain’t half bad! It looks pretty good, perched up there on top of my strong hips, long, powerful legs, and next to my broad, muscular shoulders, that can and do carry any burden.
And my kids like to trace my stretchmarks with their little fingers. It tickles, lol!
As someone who has the dreaded twin skin, as I indeed did have twins two years after having my first child, I found your blog so relatable. I too have heard trainers say you can exercise it away, and I just find that advice annoying. For me the best thing has been knowing I’m doing all I can to take care of myself- I know there are muscles under all the “dough” as my kids refer to it, and that gives me confidence. Plus, a little time to get used to post-baby body never hurts either.
You are extremely brave for sharing – I try to be honest and open but I certainly wouldn’t be ready to post pictures of my tummy online yet, at least close up and personal like those. Kudos to you.
I haven’t had kids yet, but after losing 100 lbs, I’ve got problems of my own, especially in the tummy area. ๐
But, I love my ankles that have finally recovered enough from gymnastics and strengthened enough to run distances (well 4 miles, that’s more than I’ve ever run in my life), I love my broad shoulders and arm muscles, even though they rip apart feminine sleeved shirts, I love lifting heavier weights than the guy on the bench next to me. My legs and butt are freakin’ hot (sorry if that sounds conceited, but sometimes I just want to pinch my OWN ass), and I don’t care how old I am, I’ll be rocking the short shorts and skirts until I don’t got it no mo.
My fiance loves loves loves my breasts, though I have complaints with em, I guess I can concede that point, heh.
Thank you so much Charlotte for your bravery and honesty. What I love about my body is my strength. Especially my legs, they can press 400lbs on a good day!
Whit loves my soft curves. He is a man of the old school! In his mind if a woman doesn’t have curves then they don’t look like a woman. I guess he is my Renoir man. LOL
Jenn
I think it’s too funny that your google sense ad at the bottom of the page reads “I hate my belly fat” It would be so much better if we could love ourselves and accept our imperfections especially those we can’t change. my favoprite body part is my back and shoulders and I ecco the sentiment about womens shirts with skinny arm holes…
I’m in total awe of all you mothers and what you do for your children. Thank you.
Me, no kids so no belly stretch marks, but since they run in the family I’m sure I’ll get them.
I totally love my legs and the programmer is definitely a butt man. When I started doing longer runs this summer, he got really concerned about my shrinking real estate, LOL.
I’m getting a tummy tuck and a boob lift as soon as I lose the weight.
My partner loves everything about me, which I find amazing as there is nothing about my body I love. My kids love my face, they kiss it and hug it and rest their little heads against it.
I love this post and I love you even more for posting it. I am so in awe of my body for staying so healthy in it’s 40 years and 4 babies that I can’t say a bad thing about it. I am nothing but grateful. The twin skin, the tea bags with nipples–happy to own it because I know motherhood becomes me.
i think you look great. its a badge of honor, i think, to have a mommy tummy.
and your right, sometimes it just wont go away. some people have more elastic skin, those with it bounce back faster/better.
elastic? bounce? get it?
FINE.
Kelly Turner
http://www.groundedfitness.com
Loved it Charlotte! I’ll keep my trickle trickle bladder anyday. It’s my badge of honor. I have 4 beautiful babies to show for it.
Oh, just a correction, I can do 3 airjacks b/f the exodus. LOL!
My first thought was, “Hey! I know those stretch marks!” Thought you’d gotten a picture of my own belly. On a good day I love my imperfect body that brought four healthy (now grown) kids into this world. After four natural childbirths, a hysterectomy, bladder repair, achilles tendon repair, and a total hip replacement I am still upright. Life is good. Who cares what my belly looks like? My hubby is the only one that ever sees it anyway and he loves it!
Thank you so much for this post. I’m 5 weeks post partum and am pretty depressed about the state of my body.
I’m so happy you did this – like the pics on Shape of a Mother, it is REAL and your readers can grow from it.
I love my shoulders, back, lips, legs, smile and height ๐
You’re terrific, Charlotte. Thanks for pointing this out. My top two abs are visible, too, but I’m just not interested in being able to see the others — not that it wouldn’t be NICE, but I know I’d have to get down to an unhealthy weight in order to do so.
All I can say is
a. I love Photoshop, and having the skill to airbrush your own photo is scary. I have to resist the urge to succumb!
b. As scary terrifying as my terribly high cancer risk is, I secretly relish that I get a tummy tuck and breast implants courtesy of my insurance company.
c. and then I feel guilty that I don’t just love my body the way it is, all 24% body fat and 5 kids later!
d. thank you for busting my bubble that if I just lose more body fat, my abs will show up. I know they won’t, and letting go of that fantasy is freeing!
Hi, there,
I read your truly inspiring article. I would like to share something with you that helped me.
A few years ago, a couple of us moms, an Indian aromatherapist & a chemist, worked through many formulas, to find something that would reduce our tummy skin, -we were really large, & nowhere near as fit as you.
And since it was just for us, we were trying to make it as close to natural as possible
We finally got one we liked, it included ingredients like Orchid Extract & White Lotus oil, found it good enough to share with friends, and it is now available on our website- we call it Tummy Tucker, and it has been helpful to everybody who has used it, in a lesser or larger degree.
Do take a look at it and our infrequently written blog.
I thought I was the only person with stretch marks like that. I call them my battle wounds. For Halloween I thought about bearing them all in an “Athena, Goddess of War” getup. I figured if people asked, I say I acquired them in battle.
I can’t complain though. I have a beautiful daughter and I do not carry around baby weight. I also am in pretty good shape. I just happened to have tons of stretch marks.
No one knows but me and those that need to.
I LOVE,LOVE,LOVE you for this post. This is the most interesting and inspiring post I’ve seen in MONTHS. I admire your courage and LOVE how beautifully you wrote about your opinion of your body. I just wrote a post about this yesterday- Kelly Ripa and her rockin body and how I could have damaged myself in my quest to emulate her. It’s not real and I LOVE how eloquently you point this out.
YOU . GO. GIRL!
Linday
http://www.freetolivelovelaugh.com
Three months after this post was written and you’re still getting amazing comments ~ Thank you so much for writing these words and posting your pictures.
As most women I have some body parts that I don’t love… but I will talk only positive ~ I thank God for a husband that thinks I’m gorgeous, especially when I’m naked. I thank God for strong legs that take me anywhere I want to go, long skinny arms that allow me to hug my family really tight, a small, but thin back that gives me J-lo butt curves, and I can go on counting all my body blessings. I am grateful to be alive and able-bodied to stay fit and healthy – ๐ Happy Holidays to everyone!
Ivonne and Laughing Lindsay – thank you both so much for your kind comments and support! We gotta stick together, us girls;)
I'm sorry, but I am going to make a comparison here, because I'm happy with my figure. Your stomach, /with/ loose skin and stretch marks, is much more attractive than mine, and I'm a fit eighteen-year-old. I couldn't quite believe you weren't sucking it in in the second picture. Jesus christ woman, you must be made of iron! ๐
hi. i just found you… not exactly sure how. i think i was googling around.
anyways, i wanted to give a HUGE thanks!! i am post 2 children now, planning a couple more. now i indeed gained much weight with my pregnancies, and my BMI is basically the inverse of yours. i'm working on it so i'm not down about it.
but here's the thing… i think the beauty of this post here is that with age and experience, bodies change. and will i be fit again? you betcha! will i look like my 22 yr. old self again? not without surgical intervention. HA! and i think, as you said, we need to love and respcet our bodies wherever they are, in whatever shape they're in.
i'm really getting lengthy here, oops.
for example, the pregnant woman who calls herself fat… i want to slap her. you're not fat, you're making a human, for heaven's sake!! it's beautiful!
and that's my 2 cents, and then some.
Well, heck, here it is a year and a half later and you still have new readers/commenters. ๐
I'm 31 and have finally found an amazing guy who loves my body just as it is.
I'm normal. Not overweight, not very thin or even all that fit. My body is simply starting to move south a bit. I only weigh about 10 lbs more than when I graduated from high school, and yet I have cellulite in places I didn't know you could GET cellulite.
And yet…my boyfriend tells me that I have the, ahem, backside of a "goddess" (his actual word), southward-heading cellulite and all. I kind of chalked it up to him just being nice, until I told him I had started going to the gym a lot to try to shape up (we're long distance right now) and he looked genuinely concerned and told me to please not lose much off my tush because it's perfect now.
Wow. Now THAT is a good man.
I think it’s really telling that you look just amazing and still- still you have hang ups. So no matter how hard I work to even get to look better- I think I’ll still have hang ups. So the message I got in this post was…
Love your body NOW. Don’t look back to the glory days of youth. Don’t think into the future about surgeries or huge weight loss undertakings and love the body you will become- love your body now.
I love my arms for being able to carry babes.
I love my hips and pelvis and other areas:) for being able to push a baby out 7 times(8 this November) and go back to size- we are made of amazing material!
I love my hands- crafty little buggers.
And I love my legs- hiking and swimming and running- just amazing.
And my husband loves my eyes and smile(gap and all)- because he knows everything else about my body will change over the years- and he is in it for the long haul.
This is SO beautiful and powerful!! Thank you so much for sharing this with me – you made my whole day:)
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I don’t know if you’ll get this because I’m commenting a few years after the original post was written, but THANK YOU.
I’m in my 20s and have 2 very young boys that are 13 months apart. (Hopefully more in the near future!) I’ve struggled on and off with disordered eating and an extremely poor body image (strangely–and awesomely–my self confidence after having kids, is much higher than it was when I was thinner.)
A few days ago I was googling ways to get rid of loose stomach skin, and I saw all the things you mentioned: advice like “just get your body fat down to [insert ridiculous number here] and the skin will magically tighten up and you’ll have a perfect stomach and super-sexy abs!” *cough cough* BS! *cough cough*
I have a TON of stretch marks on my stomach and thighs (and apparently butt, my husband has informed me, haha), and it irks me when women say things ilke “oh I drank water every day or used [whatever cream] and didn’t get a single stretch mark!” because it makes me feel like I did something wrong. I even had a friend who accidentally saw a picture of my stomach when I was 9 months pg with my first son make the comment, “oh wow, you got a LOT of stretch marks, didn’t you?”
Yeah. Thanks.
So even though I’m below my pre-preg weight and look pretty good in clothes, seeing my body stark nekkid ๐ is a different story. No matter how flat my (wrinkly and scarred) stomach is when I stand up, i have some lovely skin that hangs over my pants when I sit or bend over. Seeing your pictures and reading this post, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I think you look amazing, I’ve always admired how fit you are. And I hope this is okay to say, but it was a relief to me to see that you have a few stretch marks too. It makes me feel like I’m part of a cool club (haha), and it also has taken so much pressure off of me. I didn’t do anything wrong–I had 2 sweet babies! I did something right.
Your blog has inspired me a lot to pursue my own fitness, not to be “skinny” (which was the goal of my half-hearted attempts in the past), but to be strong and flexible. (If I do yoga will I be able to do the splits?!?! A childhood dream fulfilled!! haha)
One unexpected bonus of childbearing: I was a 30F before having kids (and a 30G while nursing), and I was planning on getting a breast reduction after I was done with pregnancy/nursing. But now, I am a 30D!! Even though the girls aren’t as perky as before (hey, I can adjust my bra straps and hike them up to where I want ’em)—I can buy bras at NORMAL STORES! You have no idea how excited I am about this.
And on an unrelated note: big metal chicken. thankyouthankyouthankyou for making my day with that yesterday. I laughed until I was in tears.
Also, I totally get you on the pants thing. I was getting dressed this morning and I thought, “Why the heck do I have all of these low-rise jeans???”
Where do you find mid-rise pants?
Heather – you totally made my whole week!!! And I absolutely do read all my comments, no matter how old the post. I love it! So glad to know that I helped you feel better about yourself and I’m also glad to know I’m not alone in this issue either. I am the stretch mark queen, lol. As for jeans, I’m afraid I can’t help you. I have yet to find a “perfect” fitting pair! Even the much-ballyhooed Levi’s CurveID jeans didn’t fit me at all. Ah well, I’ll keep looking and you let me know if you find some good ones! Thanks again for the comment:)
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Thanks for this post! I was a follower when you originally posted this, but I wasn’t a mom yet so it didn’t resonate… I just had my first son on June 18, 2011 (almost three months, yay!) and he is AMAZING. I love everything about being a mom, but find myself staring at my stomach, wondering if it will ever go back. I was 126 when I conceived and am at about 134 right now (I gained 45 pounds! oy vey!). I know that even if I never look like I did before, the stretch marks and saggy skin are worth it. I get to wake up to a bouncy, smiling, happy boy every morning. For that, I am lucky, blessed, and sooooooo grateful! And my husband loves me just the same, if not more, for giving him our perfect little miracle.
A moment when I got pregnant. I started rub aloe vera before taking a bath and after bio oil to fight itchiness. Eating healthy foods and do walking everyday at park or in seashore. Drink plenty of water not soft drinks and do proper exercise at home. Avoid sleeping ahead of time. Always keep on busy to avoid tardiness.
Tonight, I’ve been researching tummy tuck info because I’m really struggling with my long post-partumed belly. After freaking myself out, I googled “make peace with mummy tummy” and arrived at this post. I won’t go into comparisons, as you requested, but my googling clearly reflects my internal wrestling. Ultimately, I know that I have to make peace with what is, as hard as that is. Thank you for putting your body out there and sharing the numbers because you are helping me gradually move towards acceptance. I feel like it’s a small miracle that I happened upon this site at this moment in my self-acceptance quagmire. May other women be so lucky.
Even though this is really old, I figured I’d post anyway.
I haven’t had (nor will I children), but I come from a long line of big bellied folks. My mom had five kids and didn’t have terrible stretch marks. At my heaviest, I went to a friend’s baby shower and you picked yarn and guessed the circumference of her 8 month pregnant belly. I won…because I wrapped it around my own to get the length for my guess.
I don’t get mistaken for being pregnant (though my mom did sometimes), because I’m a big girl in general. Which comes with it’s own issues, but maybe it’s a blessing too. I’ll never have a stomach that’s as flat as yours, let alone a six pack, so maybe it’s easier when your goal is still big for society?
Anyway, my now ex-boyfriend, when we were first getting intimate, kissed my stomach and said he loved my tummy. This, from a guy that goes to the gym all the time and really would have a six pack if he lost about 10 pounds. I weighed 205 at the time. (And he’s not a guy that has a thing for big girls either.) I wasn’t self conscious to be naked in front of him. At over 200 pounds.
So for anyone who’s guy gives you crap about your belly, find someone else. He’s a schmuck. ๐
I will immediately snatch your rss feed as I can’t in finding your email subscription link or newsletter
service. Do you’ve any? Kindly permit me understand so that I may just subscribe.
Thanks.