Hee. You can see up my nose.One of the most rewarding things I do with my time when I’m not tethered to my computer is volunteering through my church as a leader for a group of girls. There are about 30 girls ranging from age 12-18 and we meet Wednesday nights. Generally the girls are in charge of deciding what they want to do and carrying it out although the leaders are there for a reason (No, I don’t think we can earn enough money from a car wash to finance a trip to Disney World). And last night that reason was to get kicked and punched. That’s right, I spent an hour and a half last night hiding behind a foam pad playing Spike to their Buffy (not that any of them are even old enough to remember that show, much less have a discussion about the mixed messages that love affair gave teenage girls everywhere). And I loved every second of it.
The girls invited a local police officer – a deceptively petite woman who gleefully confessed to throwing grown men – to teach them about personal safety and self defense. In an era where young models are often portrayed in advertisements that border on child porn and grown models are shown as glamorized victims of violence, it feels increasingly important to teach our girls to take care of themselves.
“Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury for women aged 18-44 in the United States.”
At first the girls were timid. The officer instructed them to punch at “50%” but I’d estimate their noodle-armed throws at closer to 10%. “Come on, really hit me!” I called out. They giggled. They blushed. They stared off into space. It was a petite figure skater who finally took me up on it, surprising me with a punch that knocked the pad backwards into my chin. She grinned proudly. Next up were a few soccer players who impressed me with well-aimed kicks to my (foam-covered) leg. They were just getting warmed up.
After a sweaty half hour where everyone got in at least a few good shots, the cop showed us several new skills, my particular favorite being how to strangle someone with their own shirt – specifically taught to women and girls since you don’t need large hands or long arms to do it. She also told us very candidly about being assaulted by a man when she was playing designated driver to a group of friends. He was a friend-of-a-friend and happened to be the last person she dropped off. When she got to his home, he pinned her in the front seat of her car, holding her down by her hair. She stopped him from further assaulting her by managing to reach her pepper spray on her key chain. The site of it aimed at him was enough to chase him off.
It was good for the girls to hear about her mistakes (driving home a drunk man whom she didn’t really know, alone) and about her success (talk about being level-headed in a crisis!). It was also good for me to hear a woman talk so openly about her experience with assault. I do it but it rattles me every. single. time. I manage to control myself while telling my story but afterwards I shake so hard that I fear I’ll break apart. Even still.
But the best part of the night was that I got to get in on the Crouching Tiger action too! Seeing as I whine to Turbo Jennie on a regular basis (truly she is patient) that while I have a deep, undying love for the punching and kicking, it would be really awesome to actually land one of those babies someplace other than in the air. Since no one in my Turbo classes has volunteered to step up, this was a dream come true. Another adult and I took turns holding the pads for each other while we forgot for a moment that we were minivan-driving (okay, CR-V driving in my case) soccer moms and for a brief minute just got to be powerful. I hit that foam pad hard. Which is the closest I’ve ever gotten to punching an actual person. I have to admit it felt good.
So now I must know: have any of you ever punched a human being? Did you like it? If not, are you at least with me about the Spike-and-Buffy weirdness??
I’ve only punched another person in a controlled environment and with pads, but never outside of that. I do enjoy combat when conducted in this fashion, but never outside of it, for the personal aspect of the contact is taken out of the situation. If I am caught with a good punch to the jaw in a fight outside of a bar, there would be an emotional response and context behind the punch. In the realm of athletic competition, however, there is no personal emotional response, but just the competitive nature of the sport.
I think its great what you did with your young women’s group, and I think it would be great to see similar training and discussion done with young men as well. Young men are filled with energy and agression, and proper education on the placement of that energy is vitally important so that domestic abuse or other forms of violent acts can be avoided.
Of course I have punched someone, I PMS like crazy and have been pregnant twice, what do you think?
No seriously, I have punched someone, kicked them too. I wasn’t pmsing or prego (thank heavens).
I used to take karate, it taught me a LOT. It prepared me for a time when I really needed to know how to defend myself. My ability to punch and kick stopped an assault. With out the know how, I would have been a victim.
So, right on for teaching the girls how to get down with their bad self’s. Hopefully they will never need that information, however, in today’s world…well lets just say, you never know.
I have some very funny boxing stories from back when I was pretty much the only woman who trained in the evenings at this gym. All of the guys took it pretty easy on me – except for the poor dude who was about my size and who wasn’t as – erm – motivated as I was in the ring. It was actually another woman who pretty much knocked my daylights out. Getting my ass handed to me pretty much cured me of wanting to compete, but it was fun anyway. I also love mentoring girls. Check out what our girls did:
http://camppajamas.weebly.com/
But I do have to say if you want to train in boxing, Ali – the coach at this gym is AMAZING. His kid, Samir, was about 2 when I was going there – now he’s a junior golden gloves champion. The most awesome thing about Ali is he teaches how to be amazing at defense. Just watching his little 9 year old in that bout is cool – he can bob and weave and gets out of the way of the punches. The best offense is a good defense!
I took self defense in college and enjoyed kicking, punching, poking and outmaneuvering my opponent. One thing I appreciated about my class is the amount of time the teacher spent on prevention.
To be honest, I think there can be a false sense of security associated with taking a one night self defense course. I saw girls in my college class think that because their instructor took down someone bigger (after years of intense training) and they took down another girl in class (who basically gave in the first second she retaliated) that they had the skill mastered and were capable of defending themselves in a real attack.
It is just much, much harder when you don’t know what’s coming or when or how. I semi-regularly practice self-defense skills with my husband. I work out and weight lift daily and his exercise consists of walking through the parking lot to the car. But when he really tries to hold me down, I cannot move. I can’t get out of his grip.
Our self-defense teacher was very clear that these skills give you a chance in a situation you might not have otherwise. It was in no way a license to be reckless with our safety.
My children (especially my daughters) will be taking self-defense courses as soon as they are old enough to learn and remember the skills. But we are already having age-appropriate discussions about prevention to delay, minimize and hopefully prevent opportunity for an attacker to strike and the need for those skills.
My friend was teaching me to kick-box up until we both threw our backs out (not connected!) so we’ve had to hang up our sparring gloves for the time being, boo! I wanna look that cool!
I’ve always been really conscious of not knowing any self-defence, but I agree with Shellie that education about personal safety should come alongside – fighting is a last resort, and one which may not need to be taken at all if you decided to take the bus rather than walking home alone.
I know it’s basic common sense, but I’ve done it and smarter friends of mine have done it too, and we live in a scary bit of the city. There comes a foolish sense of invincibility with being young!
TA x
It’s great that you help out that way, very admirable when you have small kids and lots to be doing I’m sure… plus wow do you look fit in that picture! So jealous.
I do a boxing/aerobics type class weekly and we get to use gloves and pads so that’s the closest I’ve come to punching anyone. God I love that class though… it totally de stresses me. Punching feels good. I feel strong and powerful.
I havent. and wonder if I could but am sure, in the moment, my fight or flight would KICKPUNCH right in.
The Toddler is taking karate—-I need to start doing that myself I think.
Buffy, I mean Charlotte, great post. And good for you for your voluntary efforts to aid these lil gals! Rock on. Now I wont even touch most of this article for fear of one of the strong-ass women on this site bullying me and breaking my Darwinian glasses at the bus stop. I will, however, mention that a majority of female deaths come at the hand or ugliness of jealousy. See from an evolutionary perspective one way to keep your wife, girlfriend, or partner from cheating on you is to kill her. If I cant have her, no one will.
Now to your question: Yes I have punched several people and it really really hurts. Usually well after you punch them when the adrenaline drops. I even punched my best friend and then was pummeled by his gargantuan self – a fight over a gal that neither of us really gave a shit about. The feeling of being able to defend yourself, to walk a little taller and feeling physically able – is a great feeling.
Lastly, Buffy rules. We own ever episode! Best episode: Once more with feeling.
PS: great pic!
Actually….I have not. Unless you count the girly punches my sisters and I exchanged growing up…
Sounds strange, but I’d like to know if I’m at least capable of doing it. I’m sure I’d be one of those who injured herself in the process! 🙂
Wow! That evening sounds like fun. I wish I had been there!
When I first began teaching karate, I worked with a group of women, and really liked seeing their progress. The day, one of our women students knocked out the chief instructor with a kick to the head was quite memorable
🙂
Hey! I always enjoy reading your posts and this one was no exception. If you found yourself really enjoying the self-defense aspect and the “punching pads” exercise, I would HIGHLY recommend exploring Krav Maga (www.kravmaga.com). It changed my life and after testing for my blue belt, I can assure you that my skills give me everything but a false confidence. Besides teaching you actual skills to use in real situations, it also teaches you how to diffuse the situation so you never have to fight. Just a thought! Keep the amazing posts coming!
I took a self defense class a couple times (part of our gym class in high school), and the instructors were actual instructors of self defense… all of my classmates were doing the 10% thing, but when I came up I gave it my all: we had to punch the guy, then put our arms around his neck and knee him in the groin.
I succeeded in lifting him off the ground when I put my arms around his neck and kneed him. I think everyone was really freaked out that the tiniest person in the class was capable of doing that.
I love those classes! That must have been so much fun for you:)
Ah, poor Spike. He tried, but never quite managed to win the girl. Which is a shame. Once he got his soul back (and, you know, his sanity), I think I liked him better than Angel. Anyhoo…
I have never hit anyone. I have often thought that I would like to take a martial arts class because I would like to learn all the forms and the drills (or whatever you call them), but I wimp out at the idea of actually having to spar with another human being.
The instructor at the cardio kickbox class I used to go to would sometimes walk around with a mat and have you punch it though, and I thought that was kinda fun.
Good for the girls! It’s incredibly important that young women learn how to defend themselves.
I haven’t punched anyone since about 5th grade.
I love Buffy, but yeah. The Spike/Buffy storyline was all sorts of messed up. But I loved it!
These young women are very lucky to have you.
I once flipped someone over my shoulder. When I was in high school many moons ago, we had to take a self defense class. One of my guy friends just couldn’t believe that I would be able to do anything to defend myself. He comes up to me and says “yeah sure, what are you going to do if someone comes up behind you and does this?” he grabbed me around the neck. I leaned forward as hard as I could and next thing we both know he’s lying on the ground in front of me. He looks up at me and says “yup, that’ll work!”
I used to take ju-jitsu, so I’ve thrown punches and kicks (that never connected because they were blocked or avoided) and I’ve thrown people to the mat. But that was a good 10-15 years ago, so I’m not sure I remember much of it.
I do sometimes teach kwando spar at the gym, which is kickboxing with pads and gloves. So they put on the gloves and punch the bags, so it’s a great arm workout and I try to teach them to punch hard, though they’re usually nervous at first (so they start grinning out of discomfort, or just from the glee that they can actually hit someone without getting in trouble or hurting them). Usually they’re pretty tentative when they first start, but then they get into it and start really punching.
When Im walking by mysekf I carry my keys in my fist so they stick out between my knuckles like wolverine. If anyone suprises me I can jam keys into them and hopefully run.
Ive only punched someone once and i was about 10, but honeslty im scared ill break my hand. I need to take a class.
Kelly Turner
http://www.groundedfitness.com
Yes, I have punched and got punched in the face. It’s part of the territory of owning a karate school. I trained in boxing and mixed martial arts.
One thing that’s terrific about it is that it helps teach you how to control your fear response.
One of the best self-defense training that I did was something called Fast Defense. If you every get a chance, take the seminar. You’ll get too hit and knee strike these guy in full body armor. In one afternoon, you’ll learn more about self-defense then most learn in a lifetime.
It’s also very empowering and a great team building activity. I made my wife and daughter take it too. They were thankful that I forced them to do it.
oh yeah – getting punched sucks the first time, then less so the second, third, nth time. Playing ice hockey all my life has taught me that. it’s cool now in my martial arts classes i catch the odd face hit (partner misses the pad, ugh!) and it’s not as surprising and frustrating. it hurst, dont get me wrong. this is a huge issue in martial arts / self-defense training – to train people what it’s like in real life so that one can respond effectively. for example in my pals military training they are exposed to mace, tear gas, etc. that way they know, they are preconditioned to its effects and have an understanding of how they will respond. it’s a tride and true cognitive-behavioral strategy used in training and psychotherapy.
I can’t really comment on the whole Buffy/Spike thing, but I do think what you did last night was AWESOME, and so important!!!! (For girls AND boys.)
I’ve taken some self-defense classes, and I took Krav Maga for a bit. (And it was always the smallest women who kicked the most a$$!)
I’ve thrown a few punches in class, and have been lucky enough to get myself out of a few sticky situations.
I think a lot of women (myself included) avoid taking these kinds of classes because we it’s foreign to us, because we don’t want to think about it, and because it goes against everything that’s been ingrained in us (girls don’t hit/talk back/ disagree, etc.). But it’s so vital that we do all those things, for our own safety.
And, yeah, that picture of you ROCKS!
Haven’t (besides goofing around with friends) – and always wondered how I would fare in a fight. I’ve always been told I look intimidating even though I’m only 5’5″ – the really broad shoulders probably help. Way back in my single days, I did find myself wrestling with boys (in playful ways, at least what I’m talking about now) and I was notoriously hard to pin down because I was flexible and moved quick and didn’t fight fair.
Some sort of martial arts classes is on my list of things to try, after dance classes. I also wish I had all the time and money in the world so I could do everything I wanted.
Really awesome idea for your young girls, Charlotte.
Love my KB’ing. We have partners and we use pads. I think praticing 2/wk would help me if I was in an assault situation. When people first come to class, they are tentative, like your girls. Learning to ALWAYS punch/kick your hardest can’t help but prepare you in self defense, right? Oh, and it’s GREAT marriage therapy. Dh goes to class with me:)
YES! A couple of weeks ago I schedules a Women’s Self Defense class for a group of about 10 of us. It was held at a martial arts studio and was excellent. THe second half of the class was spend practicing our moves on guys that had all this gear on so we went all out on em’! These guys came after us as if we were being assaulted (scary) and we had to act physically and use our voices. It was great practice and gave me a ton of confidence that I could take care of myself in most situation.
By chance, was your cop a little red head?
Go Charlotte! Sounds so fun! Im glad you got to hit something
I punched my Tae Kwon Do instructor. Well, the pads he was holding, anyway. He kept yelling, “Harder! Harder!” and I finally got MAD and PUNCHED him.
Then he beamed at me. “YES! LIKE THAT! LIKE THAT, ALWAYS!”
It was awesome. (And then when I passed out of each belt, I got to break BOARDS! With my BARE HANDS! *jumps up and down* It was the BEST! THING! EVER!!)
Ahem.
Oh, and YES on the Spike-and-Buffy weirdness. (But he was still hot anyway. I’m just saying.)
I don’t hit girls, but I have stood up to more than my fair share of guys. I kicked an ex-BF so hard in the shoulder one night that he had to go to the hospital with a concussion. I’m not proud of it, but he had it coming.
ah, if I ever have to hear, “So, you have a black belt? Do you really think that stuff works?” My answer is, “I hope I never have to find out, which is why I don’t hang out in dark alleys asking bad guys to go after me and test all this ‘Just be water’ crap to see if it was all just a waste of time.” I’ve learned more about avoiding combat on the black belt path, which I guess means that it really does work! And I admit, quietly, it does come in handy on the rugby field. Yet here I sit, a pudgy mom of 5 now who teaches the occasional self-defense classes to young women too and hoping they never find out if it really works! Good for you.