Holiday gift anxiety- it’s one of those things about being a grown-up that nobody ever tells you. When I was a child I had two main worries come Christmastime. One was making sure everyone knew I wanted that special mermaid doll that both sings and swims in the bathtub (that I never got) and the second was that my chain-smoking, garlic stuffed olive-eating grandma might kiss me on the mouth. But at some point after you realize that Santa Claus (or the Hannukah Armadillo) doesn’t really exist, it sets in that you are responsible for giving other people presents as well as receiving them and also that your mother-in-law will always kiss you on the lips no matter how many cold sores you fake. Let the panic commence.
One of my fondest memories from growing up was my mom’s baking bonanzas every holiday. She’d whip up plates of poppy seed bread, cookies, toffee, candies and other homemade goodies which we kids would then deliver to every neighbor within a 3-mile radius. You’d think my mom was campaigning for office or selling Mary Kay but really she just liked to cook things for people that she knew they’d like. It all seemed so simple then.
These days, while I share my mom’s charitable zeal and the holidays are about the only time I tie on my apron (really! I have one! It’s adorable!) and do my best Betty Homemaker, I lack her culinary abilities. In addition, the times have changed when it comes to giving and receiving food. I have friends who are gluten intolerant, lactose intolerant, fat free, sugar free and of course low carb. I have friends dieting, healthy lifestyling, and at every other point on the yo-yo spectrum. Not to mention all the friends who think they’re fat, worry about getting fat or wonder if pregnancy makes them look fat (it doesn’t!). That leaves pretty much one woman left with no food issues. And you all know that isn’t me.
I am sympathetic to their plight. Every year when the goodies start piling up I am filled with conflicting emotions. Joy! All my favorite treats! My friends love me! Bon bons for breakfast! Dread! All my favorite treats! My friends must hate me! Must resist the siren call of the bon bons for breakfast! So last year I came up with what I thought was a good compromise. I ate one or two of the treats I liked best and allowed my kids and husband to take what they liked and then packaged the rest of it up and gave it away. I got to taste it and I didn’t have to spend the rest of the week circling my kitchen like a tween locked out of a Jonas Brothers concert. Excellent, right?
That one came back to bite me in the butt. Hard. Turns out that my friends, being generally awesome and way more talented than I am, make some delicious treats. The people that I gave them to all wanted the recipes. I couldn’t plead “family secret” as they all know that a) the only family recipes I have come from the backs of boxes and b) I am a terrible secret keeper. So instead I told the truth. Long story short, the friends who made me the treats were hurt that I’d given them away and the friends that I’d given them to were insulted by my recycling. And I felt like a jerk until the summer when one son hit the other in the mouth with a bungee cord and knocked out five of his teeth – mother guilt trumps all!
So what is a health conscious girl to do? Should I stick to giving non-food items like candles or, say, SOCKS. (I swear my friends are so sick of getting socks from me. Plus the people at Target probably think I have a foot fetish.) And what do I do with all the treats that people give me – assuming they still will after last year’s debacle? What do you do?
I remember a couple years ago when my best friend gave me one of those big, round ziploc christmas containers full of homemade goodies…and I ate the whole darn thing in about 2 hours. I swear I was seeing hallucinations.
I suppose you could challenge the kids to eat them all right away so mommy doesn’t? LOL, hello sugar high. Imagine the nice long nap afterwards though.
Or perhaps re-gift them to a shelter instead of friends? Heck, wrap ’em up tight and send to “Any Soldier/Sailor,” they’ll get ate (not by me, but trust me, they will get ate).
If I ate everything my friends wanted me too, I would be well over 200 pounds.
Happy Holidays everyone!
Ok, so I was just looking at the website, and it actually says to not send homemade food, unless you are sending to a relative. Belay my last.
I always take leftover sweet treats into work and they invariably get wolfed. Not so easy if you work at home though! Wow this is really tough, Charlotte, you have my sympathy! It would definitely help to lead the way by giving non-food gifts back. My friend is busy doing “Christmas knitting” at the moment – hats and scarves are always appreciated in this weather! Another of my friends makes her own soaps and shower lotions because it makes her feel “like an alchemist”.
I have the opposite problem – nobody ever buys me edible things because Im just “the sporty healthy one” or “the one who used to have an eating disorder”. In fact I have only been given chocolate as a gift once ever in my adult life and I was so touched that I cried!!
TA x
Best bet is to take the goodies to work, leave them in the kitchen, and sure as the sun is bright, they will be gone. Work from home? Send them with hubby. Take them to a homeless shelter. OR, if you happen to make an appt for a physical or the dentist or physical therapist, take them there, they will be so touched you thought of them, AND, poof, they are gone! No one has to know.
Hey Charlotte,
My mom did the same thing growing up, and we’d give it away to neighbors and all of our teachers. My school looked so forward to her baking every year. Her specialty was homemade chocolate covered cherries.
I kind of freak out around the holidays as well, thinking about all the treats and endless holiday parties.
If you do want to make your friends something, you could do homemade granola. It’s cheap, easy, and so yummy…although it burns very easily. So, watch it in the oven! Put in a big Ball jar with a ribbon, and they make lovely gifts. For your gluten intolerant or low carb friends, there is nothing like a big jar of homemade pesto. It’s much easier to make than people think. Fancy it up with some sun dried tomatoes.
If it were me, I would love a candle any day over food, but that’s me. I have candles all over the house.
I don’t think you should feel bad about giving your friend’s treats away. You ate some, and they were SO GOOD, you had to get them out of your house. No biggie. Personally, I would take that as a compliment.
The Hannukah Armadillo isn’t REAL?!?!?! Aaauuuuggghhh! Well, I was going to bring over some muffins, but maybe I should run to Target and see if they still sell the swimming mermaid! 🙂
I used to spend hours making and decorating sugar cookies. Then I had lots of children and had to simplify. And I realized that since everyone else does junk food, I can do something different – Christmas ornament, bottle of sparkling cider, children’s Christmas book, etc. It’s the same reason I never buy little outfits for baby showers. I can’t never find the “cutest” one and I know that diapers, wipes and bath soap will never sit in a closet unused.
Well, I never get food either, a combo of being the recovered ED girl and the one who refuses to eat junk food like tokaiangel, plus the fact that my friends are all recent college grads and we’re now scattered around, so a lot of presents have to be mailed.
My mom’s neighbors all exchange food though. They have for years. Some on the street are more health conscious than others, and usually make something in line with that. I think the idea is that someone in the family will most likely eat whatever goodie is brought over, and if not, there is always company. Whatever we didn’t eat, my mom used to take when we’d go to see her parents on Christmas day, and someone there would.
But the problem of how to not eat it in the mean time… well, you can always send them with your hubby (and earn brownie points!). Or you can tell one friend that you know will like the food that it came from a friend but you can’t eat it (food allergy, vegetarian, take your pic of excuses), say you didn’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings since she obviously worked hard on it and you didn’t have the heart to tell her, but you thought this other friend might enjoy it. Then the other friend knows it’s from someone else and doesn’t feel like you gave a cheater gift, and is also less likely to mention it to whoever baked the present should that ever come up. I’ve done that with food from my mom sometimes, food she made and I either can’t eat or (as the ED girl) really really shouldn’t have just sitting around the house, and it always seems to work well. Then again, my friends are recent college grads being offered free food…
The mermaid is in the mail, Charlotte 🙂
Wishing you and the family the very best Thanksgiving ever!!
I’d say candles in scents that you know the other person will enjoy are good, as could things like books (if you know the person well). If you don’t know the person that well, I’d say to send them something edible but healthy (granola?).
And drop the cookies off at a homeless shelter. No one there will care how many calories and grams of sugar there are.
Toots – I have done the exact same thing, hallucinations included:) PS> "Belay my last" – you crack me up!!
TA – your friend must knit really fast! At the rate I go, I'd have one done before Christmas. Love the soaps idea!
R – Great idea about sending them with hubby! I also love the idea of taking them to an office somewhere. I bet my kids' school would appreciate them!
HeatherMcD – Um, I couldn't read the rest of your comment as I am now fixated on chocolate-covered cherries (those are my all time fave treat EVAH). Seriously tho – homemade granola and pesto: genius!
Shellie – Girl, I'd eat any muffins you made me:) You're almost as health crazy as I am! And I SO hear you on the giving diapers etc.
Anon – good idea about sending it to hubby's work! Love the idea about the friends too.
Dr. J – Right back at you!
Tricia – I love candles too! And the homeless shelter is a great idea.
I don’t think you should feel bad about re-gifting the goodies or whatever you decide to do with them. My view is that people that like to make tons(over the top amounts) of goodies and give them away have their own eating disorder. They like to see other people consume. Seriously, I think this condition exists; I have seen it in action.
If someone gives me a huge amount of food at the holidays, I eat one serving and throw the rest away. I know nobody will be giving me food now, but seriously, who needs that much? And why do I want to give it to someone else just so they have to go through the same ordeal? Like I did at Halloween with all of our extra candy…..I told the kids that I gave it to the garbage man. They thought the garbage man was eating all the yummy candy when it was really getting smashed up in the truck. I didn’t really lie though…..
I do like the idea of the homeless shelter. However, why don’t we give them healthy food? I like the granola idea. I have packed up single servings of spiced almonds and walnuts….a healthy treat and just the right amount. Not a whole platter!
When it comes to treats other people give me, I put them out on a big plate when I have people over and tell everyone that _____ made them and they’re excellent and the all absolutely HAVE to try them. That way there’s no deception and the treats get eaten!
I make slightly healthier treats and give them away. I love to bake but I know I’ll eat it all if I keep it, and I don’t want to be sabotaging anyone’s diet, so I just “health them up” a little.
Of course, one year my friend gave me butterscotch cookies that I’d never had before. I hid the tin in my room so that no one else in my family would eat them. They were gone within a couple days and TOTALLY WORTH every mouthful:)
Darcy – you are talking about my Mom – I swear! She’s already made cookies and creme-puffs for Thanksgiving, in mass quantities, and she’s going to watch me eat every. single. one. I love her food though, so I relent. Plus, I’m on the work-full-time-go-to-school-at-night diet, so I could use just a tad of fattening food at this point. The guilt will still get to me though. *SIGH* I miss being a kid and stuffing myself silly then going back for more!
Happy Thanksgiving to Everyone! I wish you guilt-free indulgences and yummy veggies too! 🙂
I agree with Sagan! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with sharing the treats that friends give you. Every year (crossing my fingers for this year) my friend Sally and her husband Jim make this AMAZING peanut brittle … it is precious and delicious … I make a point of bringing it to work and offering bits to coworkers, bringing small bags to friends, and family. Some people even ask if Sally and Jim’s peanut brittle has arrived yet!!
So, for the sharing, I think it is all in how you frame it … because of the cookie gluttony, my MIL and SILs (who live in town) coordinate a cookie exchange for the purpose of sharing with others … that way, we have more variety to share (or enjoy), and at the same time, not so much to be tempted by.
I say don’t give up just yet. I think your passing cookies along (especially when you’re not a baker) is lovely … just present it as sharing … hey, I got this delicious plate of cookies, etc. … wondered if you might want some? There’s way too much for just us!
I’ve kind of given up on making treat plates for people formally … I’m just not that good at it, and haven’t really got “a specialty” yet …
I don’t do treat plates, mostly because I am too lazy, but also because I am selfish with my baking. I don’t do it often, and when I do, it’s for myself. GP gets a few bites.
I like the ideas of making something else useful for your friends. The taking time to make something for people is what baking is all about; taking the time to make something usable is just as nice. There are plenty of craft kits for soap and candle making, along with homemade body washes and stuff. None of them take very long. Make a nice tag that says you made it yourself and everyone will be duly impressed. I know, I do crap like that all the time (I give a lot of knitted gifts).
Same thing I did with the halloween candy. Let them have some on that night and quietly get rid of the rest. nobody ever asked where did the candy go.
As far as gifts to give out, how about a race entry for a 5km by Feb. 14th? Great way to get them motivated to stay in shape.
I wish I had a mom I could learn culinary skills from, but my mom is an awful cook, by her own admission. She would eat every meal prepared by someone else if she could.
I love getting food gifts. I feel ZERO guilt when eating food someone else has given me. It is often of a better quality than I would have bought, or made with special care. It tastes good. And I’m certainly not going to waste someone else’s time and/or money by throwing it away.
(That said, we did have a ham that was given to us that we eventually gave away. We don’t eat much meat, and a big ham was just too much. I didn’t know what to do with it.)
There are “healthier” food gifts. It doesn’t have to be cookies or cakes. Fancy coffees, small cheeses, and such are good. I like to give food, too, because generally it’s not going to go to waste, but a gift might be a duplicate or something they’ll never use.
When I get a big bag of cookies or something, I either give to to someone else, send it home with a relative, or throw them out. The gesture is sweet, but I’m happier with them in the trash then in my belly. Thats always a last resort.
Kelly Turner
http://www.groundedfitness.com
One of my things every Christmas is to make cookies for everyone (ok, not everyone, but my family and very close friends). I don’t give mass quantities, usually just small containers with a couple kinds of cookies in there. I wouldn’t be offended if they didn’t eat them all. For the rest I have left over, I take some in to work, and I keep some at home to chow on over the following week.
This year money’s tight, so I’m making lots of food. But my stepfather can’t eat butter or eggs or all that. So I have to come up with healthy options. I’m going to make meringues (no egg yolks), and pumpkin butter (I’ve already made apple butter and have a bunch left for Christmas gifts). The homemade pesto is a great idea! Maybe I’ll also make some homemade tomato sauce. I’ll have to think what else I make that can be easily put in a stocking…
I LOVE getting homemade goodies, and I eat every bite. I compensate by making sure that the meals I prepare are squeaky clean; stuff like broccoli chicken stir-fries or tuna on a bed of greens.
As far as what to give, there are other gifts you can whip up in the kitchen. Ever seen those layered gift-in-a-jar books? Those are so cool, things like beans and dried herbs to make soup, or trail mixes.
Or how about baked cookie ornaments?
For kids, have you ever fixed home-made playdoh? One year my son was given some that were scented with different extracts like coconut, peppermint, orange, etc, and nicely packaged in plastic bags in a cool basket, and it was a big hit.
*jumps up and down, waving hand frantically* Oo, me! Pick me! I know! I know! LOL. 😉
Wrap up any goodies you don’t want hanging around the house and take them to your local fire station and/or police station. They’ll be thrilled, you’ll have them out of your house, no one will bother you for a recipe, and your friends who gave you the treats never have to know. Ta-da!
(My mom used to do that every year, and it was amazing how much they appreciated the treats; believe it or not, after about 3 years, she was on a first-name basis with most of the fire-fighters and police officers! It was actually kind of neat. :D)
I am lucky, I have amazing self control when it comes to sweets. My body actually has a negative response if I eat more than one small piece of pie, or serving of whatever. So treats around the house pretty much don’t bother me. Now if we’re talking salty stuff, like those tins of popcorn – watch out.
If there is something in the house I can’t control myself around though, it has to be removed once I’ve had a little, or divided up into single serving bags. My fiance looks at me like I’m crazy with the baggies and the cheetos, but it’s disgusting, I’ll fixate on it and pick at it a serving or 2 per day until its gone. At least with the baggies I limit it to ONE because I have a mental block of having to go for the second bag which I won’t do.
As for gifts, I think this year I’ll let the boy bake his yummy low cal oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for the neighbors and coworkers and we’ll package those up in small servings. They’re delicious and you don’t even miss the butter and sugar he leaves out. For my girlfriends, I’m beading them necklaces. For the boys – I’m making him figure that out!
I agree that as long as you frame it properly (as “oh, this is way too much for us to finish, it’s so great I had to share it”), you’ll be in the clear.
Do you have a picture of the aforementioned cute apron? I want one, but also think it might be cheesy.
Treats are always an issue. I try to recycle mine to my other broke student frineds who don’t care how I came by them, just that they are yummy and save their grocery bills. What if you just ask for “smaller portions” of the yummy-ness. There is nothing wrong with giving socks!
I like Quix’s idea of bagging them for smaller servings. What about freezing them? Saving them for a night you might want a small treat (oh wait, maybe that’s just me). Or, put them in your freezer and if you find you don’t eat them within a certain amount of time, then toss them out.
I know its a little too crafty but you could make picture frames for your friends. Those are nonedible by any means. And they can definitely use that.
as for the extra treats give them away. To a food shelter or something. People are hungry out there….they will be eaten
All you folks are so much more mature than I am–if someone gives me something home-made and tasty for the holidays, like a plate of cookies, I eat them!
The best I can do is consume them gradually, or freeze some, or give a little to relatives or hope some goes stale before I finish. And I try to compensate with eating a bit less overall or working out more.
But pretty much if they’re yummy cookies they’re history.
My vote–you send a holiday card with a short, sweet, sincere note about how much their friendship means. I think at this age we’d all prefer fewer treats and we don’t really need a gift either (although if I find that mermaid I’m buying it for you!) That said, gifts of charity are also great. A friend of mine and I swapped donations to our local zoo in the name of each other’s kids as a gift last year. I have a friend who buys carbon offsets for people. These days with food shelfs running low, a donation “in the name of” would make anyone feel good.