Think hard – when was the last time you saw a high dive outside of the Olympics? Our local pool sure doesn’t have one. Indeed, the last time I can remember seeing one was in my high school pool when I was on the diving team for about two seconds. (Although I stuck around long after I quit to help all the guys shave their legs before meets. What can I say? Swimmers are hot. Even freakishly hairless boy swimmers.) There’s a reason we don’t see many high diving boards anymore. Or any diving boards at all. Or merry-go-rounds. Or ten-foot-tall metal slides. Or see-saws. Or many of the playground favorites from our childhoods. It’s because they’re not safe.
At the risk of sounding like a cranky old-timer who walked to school in paper bag shoes – uphill both ways! – and played hackey sack with a hairball for fun, I have to say: What is happening to children these days?
A recent uproar in New York about unsafe playgrounds brought out some intense emotions in parents and children alike. And what was the object of their protestation? Tetanus-laden uncovered screws? Uncoated swing chains that pinch little fingers? George Michael policing the restrooms? Nope. They were mad about the rubber surface that was installed to protect children against falls. See, when the weather gets hot, so does the rubber and apparently the kids felt like it was burning their feet.
I do have some sympathy for those New Yorkers. As a parent I completely understand the pain that ensues when children start whining. If mine keep it up long enough I swear my ears actually bleed. As a playground veteran I can vouch for the fact that children find any number of things outdoors whine-worthy. In addition to hot playground surfaces, there’s hot playground equipment, hot picnic tables and hot (read: lukewarm) juice boxes. There’s also cold swing seats, cold monkey bars and cold (read: lukewarm) bottles. You know what helps with all that? Earplugs. Oh, and shoes.
Are Safe Kids Fat Kids?
In a day where it is postulated that over 85% of the U.S. population will be overweight in 20 years, it seems like a lot of parents aren’t getting the message about the importance of exercise. While the above example is a little extreme, many parents end up curtailing physical activities – especially the spontaneous outdoor kind that experts have long advocated as necessary for children’s mental and physical health – because of safety concerns.
I have to admit I have done it. I won’t let my six-year-old walk two blocks to his friend’s house to play because I’m concerned about all the street crossing he’ll have to do. I don’t let any of my children play outside unattended because we don’t have a fenced-in yard. So if I’m busy when they want to play outside, they don’t get to go outside. If they want to practice riding their bikes? I drive them (!) to a local park because we have no sidewalks in our neighborhood. In fact, most parents I know make some marked concessions to safety that our parents didn’t do when we were kids.
My mother accuses me of trying to wrap my kids in bubble wrap but I am a mother to three boys. And I say this with love but they’re crazy. The two-year-old gets his kicks from scaling the bookshelves and then jumping off the top. The four-year-old literally thinks he can fly, as evidenced by his ability to jump down an entire flight of stairs without touching carpet until he lands in a heap at the bottom. We’ve already had multiple visits to the emergency room involving such innocuous objects as a banister, a bungee cord, and a fluffy red pom-pom. Can you imagine the carnage that would ensue with, say, a pellet gun? Or a roller-derby Barbie??
What Is A Parent To Do?
There has to be some middle ground between protesting that the ground is hot on a hot day – last time I checked suing the laws of physics isn’t usually productive – and leaving your kids in the care of no one but your dog while you go out on the town (Hello Peter Pan!). Out here in the frozen wasteland, parents compromise by paying exorbitant fees to have their kids play hockey. I however have a problem with a sport that makes me pay out the ying so my kids can knock around the noggin I spent nine months gestating. (I didn’t even eat soft cheese because it might be bad for them!) I suppose the biggest problem is what kids are doing instead of playing outside: generally something involving a screen.
Safety is a concern for adults wishing to play in the outdoors as well. Even with reflective gear, cell phones and pepper spray available, many women cite safety as a major reason they don’t exercise outside. Not to mention that injuries and accidents can happen to the best of us. Aron Ralston, anyone? (Hint: he’s the man who cut off his own arm with a pocket knife to save his life.)
Other than spending a lot of time wishing I lived in a place where I could chuck my kids out the front door after breakfast and tell them not to return until the dinner bell rings, what can I do? How do you guys balance the concerns of safety with the need for exercise? And, more importantly, how do you get your kids to stop with the whining??
Aron’s story is so awesome, makes me second guess my own will to survive if put in a life or death situation.
I have no kids, but when I take my 8 year old godchild out, I am OCD about keeping her in sight. If she gets more than 5 feet away from me, I freak out. In fact, I freaked out when I learned she gets to walk home from school by herself (all of 2 blocks and really she is walking with several neighborhood kids). I have a feeling I’ll change my attitude when I have my own little buggers around 24/7.
This topic is so much a part of my life. I speak with my girlfriends all the time about riding 3 miles on my bike to my Grandma’s house when I was 7, and running around in the wildlife preserve a mile from my house playing hide and seek with all the different creatures who resided there. Times are different now and I really struggle with giving my children the freedom that I think they need, while at the same time making sure they stay safe from the pedophiles, oblivious drivers, and drug pushers (okay, the last one is a little far fetched, my eldest is only 8, but it isn’t far away). I’m lucky because I live on a cul-de-sac with woods in my back yard, but I struggle every day with this delicate balancing act. I’ve come to the conclusion that with some very strict rules and promises of severe consequences, I have to give my kids some wiggle room…literally. I am a huge critic of video games, so we don’t and won’t have one, but in the summer, they are outside from breakfast until the lunch bell (I literally have a cowbell that I ring to call them in). However, they have to play in our yard or the adjascent yard…not across the street; I keep the windows open so when I don’t hear screaming outside, I know something is wrong; and I PRAY! I put there little bodies in God’s hands and ask him to watch over them too. In the end, a little guidance, a few rules, and a lot of faith will hopefully bring them home at the end of the day.
I have no kids, but I remember that when I was little, my sisters and I all got pretty comprehensive, in-depth training (not just instructions: TRAINING) on how to handle various situations. What to do if a stranger approaches on foot, in a car, on a bike. How to know if someone was really sent to get us by a parent (we had a code word: RUN!) that sort of thing.
And my mom made sure that we knew (and adhered to, under penalty of death) all the rules of the road on our bikes. By the time we were 8 we could “drive” with the best of them (though we were forbidden from actually DRIVING in the street).
So, armed to the teeth with all the info she could cram into our heads, and with the distinct advantage of living in a suburb, we were set loose on the streets. When we were little, we only got to play in the cul-de-sac where we lived. By 8 or 9, we were allowed to go 2 blocks over to the tadpole stream, and by 10 or 11, we were pretty much allowed to go anywhere.
Sometimes I marvel at my mom’s faith in us: this was even before everyone had a cell phone, so there was no way to know if we were ok or not. But there we were, out roaming the streets like little vandals. (If vandals were exceptionally well-behaved out of fear of their mother’s retribution, that is. LOL)
Hilarious! Love this post. No kiddos of my own, but interestingly enough, my mother, who would GLADLY put my bro & I in a bubble if that meant we would 1. stay by her side forever and ever and 2. never get hurt or touched by anything worse than a bunny rabbit–was very indifferent to us playing outside with neighborhood kiddos and in the creek on our property(in alabama, prior to age 10), all without fences or anyone really watching us. Once we moved to Texas it was a different story, she'd drop me the 2 blocks to my school, or follow me there in the car. Interesting. I'll have to ask ma about that one! Thanks for the great post!
I like this post- this was the book I was going to write, remember? There are so many things that have been lost (especially playingwise( that we need to find a way to bring back. We as Moms need to make ourselves supervise as needed so kids can get outside time. (Im on the soap box that I usually need to hear but Im feeling good today because I had a snowball fight and built a snowman with my 3yo today
This kind of thing scares me to death. I swear my kids won’t get to go outside without me until they’re 32. I can imagine the psychological harm this could do them, but at least I’d know which asylum they’re in.
I lived in a very dangerous area when I was a kid and my mum bubble-wrapped me like you wouldn’t believe. I always thought “when I have kids, it’ll be different…” But will it? Probably not, I’m too scared to walk to my own gym after dark as it is.
I think I’m just going to have to get really rich and build an indoor park IN THE HOUSE for my kids. With CCTV. And maybe an ambulance on standby.
I wish I knew what the answer was!
TA x
I don’t think you need your answer. This is how American is now and not because of the times because of people are Paranoid and ignorant. Mothers do everything to keep their children “safe” and then we ask why are they fat and have many issues and spend their lives on the web. Haven’t we all found out that too much of anything is bad but people never learen.
Living on a farm all my life and raising my son here some of the concerns expressed in this post are not real concerns here in the country. As far as keeping them safe in the playgrounds and outside, my boy has had stitches(5times), broke three bones, blackeyes and cuts to numerous to count. All these experiances have taught him alot about life and dealing with adversity. Sometimes we need to allow them to experience the world and learn from their mistakes. Sometimes we have to fall so we can pick ourselves back up and move on.
Most of the playgrounds in my area are devoid of any activity most of the time 🙁
There is one centrally located park where there is always activity.
As far as safety, somehow we, and for the most part everyone else, made it through without much more than a scraped knee, or two. I want to believe it’s a case of believing is seeing rather than the other way around as far as real concerns go.
Toots – it is always interesting to see how people’s theories on parenting change once they have their own little nippers!
aboyn3girls – First, I am jealous of your cul-de-sac! Second, thank you for the reminder to trust our little ones to God. Very true. I pray often for my children! No worries about “the book” – I so enjoy reading your comments!
Marste – That’s pretty much how I was raised too. And probably why it drives my mom nuts that I’m so protective of my kids now:)
R – You’ll have to let me know what your mom says!
Chilerocks – My problem is that a) my kids want to be outside ALL the time and b) if I got out with them as much as they want then I end up resenting them because I get nothing else done. Although I suppose that quandry is just part and parcel of being a parent. Write that book, girl! I’d read it!
Wettstein Fam – Your comment made me laugh so hard I think I hurt myself. I love you.
TA – Can I come and live you then? Please????
Anon (1) – Yes I suppose they say “moderation in everything is the key”!
Anon (2) – Very good point about kids needing hard experiences to learn and grow!
Dr. J – “believing is seeing” – interesting! I will have to ponder more on that one!
Once again, Charlotte, you have published a topic that rattles around in my head.
I have a 21 month old little boy, and I really work to find opportunities for him to burn off his toddler energy without serious harm. I believe kids need to test their physical boundaries reasonably. Nothing teaches a person to be mindful like a bruised shin or forehead, so I subscribe to the literal school of hard knocks (all the while hovering in the background preventing permanent or serious injury).
Unfortunately, 2 months ago, my theory was tested, and I have now switched to paranoid mom. Young Rob was climbing on an overturned toddler rocking chair less than a foot away from me, got his foot entrapped in the spindles and ended up with a spiral fracture of the tibia. Seriously, I’m still mentally scarred.
I am happy to report he healed quickly: cast was off in 3 weeks and he moves like greased lightning again (after limping / odd gait for 3 more weeks). We’re back to running around the kitchen like a mad man chasing the dog and wrecking havoc in general.
I make it a point to get him out of the house, regardless of weather, everyday. We use a balance bike in the house, we drive (ugh, I know) to the local park to play in the awesome tot lot, and get to our local Ann Arbor Hands On Museum to play at least once a week (ok, sometimes less – naps and center hours don’t always work). When we can’t get away we wander around in the yard. To a toddler, the yard is a wonderful place! especially the dog potty section (sheesh!)
Like you, I struggle to reconcile the freedom to wander and roam when I was a child to our current environment. In the end, I’ve decided I’d rather be safe than sorry. Every time I see a news report about child abduction I freakout inside.
Hopefully, young Rob will see my hovering (I mean active participation) as a treat and not confining. We avoid the whining by him picking the activities, and mom enthusiastically redirecting when the situation is dangerous, e.g., wandering out of the yard into the street. I also am careful that I don’t limit his activities to suit my needs, e.g., if he wants to splash in the muddy puddle, I let him instead of stopping him because I don’t want to have to deal with the muddy baby and clothes.
Thanks for the great topic!
I don’t have any kids yet, but I’ve noticed changes in playgrounds and the dwindling of outdoor activities for kids. Seems they are constructing a lot of indoor supervised playgrounds. There are those places where the kids can jump on everything inflated, and there are paint-it-yourself pottery and bead stores in every strip mall now. Wii offers “active” games so kids can get exercise indoors.
When I was young, we got on our bikes, and our parents didn’t see us again until dinner, unless we popped in for a sandwich at lunch. If I do have kids, will I allow them to roam free on their bikes all day or play German spotlight in the dark for hours after dinner like I did? I don’t know – doesn’t seem to common these days, and that makes me sad.
I’ve got to say that I think parents are trying to bubble-wrap their children. On one hand, it’s great to try to keep your kids safe, but if they don’t learn to take a fall, run around, get hurt and get right back to running around, how are they going to handle it if they get bullied, or God forbid someone tries to attack your children, but they’re too out of shape to even try to run away (which would buy them some time or make their attacker re-evaluate his or her plan).
And I don’t believe that the amount of pedophiles has increased, I think that parents are just getting more fearful.
With 2 active boys, there definitely needs to be some wiggle room. I often let my boys do things where there is a good chance one of them might get hurt, but that is the only way they will learn what is and is not safe. We obviously don’t want them playing with the stove, running across the street without looking or running with scissors, but aren’t those the very same rules we had when growing up?
Times aren’t all that different. There is keeping your kids safe and keeping your kids in bubble wrap. I go for the safe route. Until I get fed up with the kids and need to ship them some where, the bubble wrap will stay in the closet!
A topic near and dear to my heart…
I don’t think anyone mentioned the pressure from other mothers concerning “attentive parenting”. Remember that article concerning the young boy that rode the subway in NYC by himself and the drama that ensured against his mother? My dh isn’t affected by that in his decision making, but I will admit it affects mine.
Also, big “disagreement” here in the last week concerning the purchase of electronics for Christmas. We’ve held out thus far, but the boys are getting older (8,11,13) and it’s getting harder.
I grew up riding my bike with friends everyday, all around town. More neighborhood kids to play with , it seems. More latch key children?
Keeping the children active has taken some effort. Dh just set up mats (I think they were $.69/ea) in the garage with various fitness stuff and takes the kids in the garage in the some evenings to rough house… er, I mean exercise.
We hike as a family often. You’ll be able to do this more and more as the boys get older. If you’re active, which you are, you’re going to have them live an active lifestyle. That simple. Times are more mobile and electronic, less agrarian for sure. We’re fighting an up battle against a sedentary lifestyle. But, I have faith 🙂
Now the whining….my motto…this too shall pass. If you come up with anything else, let me know 🙂
My husband and I talk about this all the time. All the kids in our neighborhood drive golf carts and while I think those can be safer than bikes (unless their off-roading it like I see them do), I do not agree with golf carts at all. Kids need to be running, frolicking, biking, you get my point? I feel pretty safe in my neighborhood, but I don’t have kids…so no input. Sorry. Good discussion though! 🙂
The struggle with keeping kids safe and not taking away their freedom has been there for years now. Fences, rubberized mats under monkey bars and helmets and pads with skateboards are all part of the culture now. We never worried that the guy down the road “Uncle Charlie” was some sexual offender.
My kids are grown now but we used to worry about playground safety when they were younger. This of course was while they were sneaking out with their bikes on the main rood in our town. It’s a funny story now when I found my son on this road at the age of 10. I assure you that I wasn’t laughing then.
In the good old day’s law suits for neglect wasn’t the first part of playground maintenance. Cities worried about grass and trees, not the safety equipment. As for the fitness aspect, you’ll find that kids have a way with finding things to keep them very active and burn off energy. Your children imitating “The Flying Wallendas” is case in point.
As a last thought, you think a playground is bad, wait until you hand the car keys over to your youngest.
I don’t have kids myself, but I am constantly amazed how much more freedom I had as a kid to roam around unsupervised than kids do today.
I suspect if I had kids I’d be super-protective too, but I can’t help wondering if things are really that much more dangerous now than they were when I was growing up. I think parents are less willing to take any kind of risk–an inadvertently subject their kids to much greater health risks down the line.
We touched on this a little recently over at my site. Kids just aren’t allowed outside unsupervised these days like we were as kids. We all used to go to the park and play a midnight game of kick the can in a dark, pitch black park. Most parents just wouldn’t let their kids do that these days.
The SoG
Ugh, kids are SO bubblewrapped these days. Although, when I was a nanny I was terrified of something happening to those kids so I tried to prevent them from doing anything TOO dangerous/ridiculous (although, that might have been just because I didn’t want to get in trouble… haha).
When I was in elementary school there was an awesome wooden structure with tires and such. Too many kids fell off it so they ripped it down and put up an expensive plastic structure. To this day people STILL talk about how much they loved the old one.
Kids should be outside climbing trees. They are made of stronger stuff than we think.
when i was little i played outside constantly. i lived in a small town so it was pretty much, i left in the morning, came back when i was hungry for lunch and left again until it got dark. my favorite game was “war” when the neighbor boy and i would beat eachother with whiffle ball bats while we tried to be the first one to climb to the top of his delapitated shed. i cant count how many times i fell off or stepped on a nail, but i was VERY active.
Kelly Turner
http://www.groundedfitness.com
Our neighborhood pool had a high dive which I loved jumping off of -‘course this was in the 70s! I don’t think I have seen one around since those days.
Mom used to round us up and just drop us off at the pool, then leave for a day of peace and quiet. It helped that our next door neighbors were the life guards. Again – it was the 70s!
Don’t have my own, so I’m not sure how I’d be. I’d like to think that I would let mine have their freedom (within reason) because my mom did the bubble wrap thing, but you never know…
Since I have nothing else to contribute, a funny story from my childhood. I lived on the street between the elementary school zones, so mine was 2+ miles away. My mom would not let me walk, said it was too dangerous (busy streets and all). However, she was always running late, so after a while, instead of waiting, I’d start walking home with my friends.
At first she got mad at me, to which I, the brattiest kid in the world, said “then be on time, mom, I get bored waiting at school all alone”. I think it clicked in her head I was probably safer walking with a group of kids than waiting outside by myself. So the circumstances gave me the freedom I wanted!
Growing up in the 80s, I definitely had more freedom than kids had now. In elementary school, I remember walking around the neighborhood with my best friend from down the street. We didn't go far, but we'd go in about a one or two block radius. And this was in the middle of a big city. A good neighborhood, but bordered by a very bad neighborhood. My parents had very strict rules about being inside before dark.
I would go skiing with my dad, and I'd get a lesson by myself and he'd go off on the hard trails. We had a code word, so that while I was waiting for him after my lesson, if someone came up and said my dad had been hurt and to follow them, I'd know it was legit.
Also (and my mother refuses to acknowledge that she did this), I would walk about a mile from school (this was 6th grade, and maybe 5th but I'm not sure) to my mother's store. She told me which big streets to stay on (which of course I didn't follow, because they weren't as pretty, and I couldn't walk that way with the boy I had a crush on…). We were watching a Law & Order episode a few years ago about a boy walking from school alone and she was expressing some kind of indignation about it. When I reminded her that I had done the very same thing her response was "you certainly did not!"
So I definitely had more freedoms. I didn't play in playgrounds much, and didn't bike or play outside much, since I lived in a big city. But I did walk around the neighborhood a lot, and I'd go biking with my father sometimes on the weekend.
The poster who mentioned parental pressure has a point – if you have other kids playing with your kids, then the other parents might throw a hissy fit if you let the kids play unsupervised. Kids are definitely bubble wrapped. I think it's important for kids to make mistakes and learn how to deal with adversity. Obviously, keep them safe enough to not get really hurt (or abducted), but don't turn them into little bubble clones who are going to explode when they get to college and can't fend for themselves.
Yeah, it’s a fine line between letting them learn to be a bit independent and keeping them safe.
In terms of playground equipment, diving boards, etc., a lot of it is not just about safety, but about lawsuits. (If someone gets hurt, it must be someone else’s fault, right?)
But I admit that I’m one of those paranoid mamas. I’m always right there with my kids when they play outside. And although we don’t have a yard, we have lots of places nearby we can take them. And, OK, I’m paranoid about other peoples’ kids, too. If I see a child nearby who is too far (IMHO) form their parents, I’ll keep an eye on them until the parents catch up.
What can I say? It’s a scary world out there for a parent, lol!
My mom promises that when I produce grand kids for her they will run in the dirt, eat worms, and jump in puddles. She’s a nurse and firmly believes that there are more germs today because we sanitize things too much.
Also, check out this nursery in the UK. It’s completely outdoors, rain or shine. I read an article about it the other day. Apparently, little kids never complain about the weather as long as they’re dressed appropriately.
http://www.secretgardenoutdoor-nursery.co.uk/
This is SUCH a good topic. I’m 22 right now and don’t have kids, but I have no idea how I’m going to mother them when I do – what if we live somewhere where it’s not that safe for them to play outside?
I think I lucked out because I was homeschooled and my mom was always there to watch us, and we had a fenced in yard, and we lived in a great area, and I had no less than 5 friends that lived near enough that I didn’t even have to cross streets to go see them. I was allowed to walk to the post office and WaWa by myself (crossing streets), but I think this was because I was oddly mature and aware for my age and my parents knew it (my brother and sister weren’t allowed until they were older).
I think it’s a shame that people are so overprotective sometimes. I understand the need for caution, but at the same time sometimes it’s best to learn from mistakes.
I think we need to give kids credit for being smarter than they look/act sometimes and give them a little more freedom.
I saw a comedian once who joked that when he was a kid they didn’t have all the safety gadgets that they do now (stove knob protectors, etc) and how it eliminated all the stupid kids.
As much as I loved my freedom to play in the neighborhood (late 60s early 70s), I have become the “somewhat” protective mom. Since I live in California, where everything (really, every yard) is fenced off, I have the luxury of letting my son play outdoors alone, ONLY in his backyard. The front yard is off limits unless I’m sitting on the front porch watching him. (He’s 5.) I LOVE that other areas of the country do not impose fenced-in yards, but wonder how much freedom I’d allow him if that were the case.
Another good thing about our neighborhood is that there is an elementary school playground 2 blocks from home. We walk there all the time if we need a bigger space to play in than the backyard.
Something I read for a class I’m taking got me to thinking about making (age appropriate) challenging spaces for kids to play at home. Climbing structures don’t always have to be padded, just age appropriate. How about a jog trampoline — they don’t take much space and can be used indoors or out. Perhaps I could set up my backyard similar to a preschool/pre-k playground.
We’re all about the playing out of doors here. Weather wise, there’s no excuse.
I’m also the mother of three boys, who are a little ways further down the road (13, 10, and 7). This is something I struggle with daily. I have found that kids (especially boys? I’m currently pregnant with a girl, so I’ll get back to you in 10 years or so) not only need quite a bit of freedom for their physical health, they need to push their boundaries a bit for their emotional health too. As they get older and more complicated, if I can provide them opportunities to taste a little bit of danger, they seem to cope with the rest of their life better. So letting the older two ride their bikes to the park (approx. 6 blocks away), and playing tag there for a while, unsupervised, not only gets their hearts pumping, but they come home calmer and more confident.
Heh. So far.
such as GREAT post Charlotte! I have two boys who literally are crawling the walls if they don’t get to run and jump around every day. Now that the weather is terrible, we are stuck inside for far too long and we’ve taken to literally running laps around the house. I chase, they chase, the dog chases…whatever keeps us moving.
as for the whining? I wish I could solve that!
All you need is an indoor wrestling ring!
Have you read this book?
http://www.amazon.com/Protecting-Gift-Keeping-Children-Teenagers/dp/0440509009/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1228887935&sr=8-1
Please tell me your library has it.
We live on a culdesac AND have a fenced backyard. (they never want to play back there though…)
And yet. I spend lots and lots of time out there when the weather is warmer. I've saved more than one kid (not mine) from a getting hit by a car.
Anyway, great post. I totally get it. It's something I struggle with too.