Sometimes you know you shouldn’t do something… but you do anyways. Life is like that. Shocking exactly nobody – at least nobody who reads this blog anyhow – I ‘fessed up a few months ago to being an exercise addict. Since then I continue to get at least one e-mail a week about this issue. It seems I have good company.
“I Wish I Were Addicted To Exercise!”
This is the usual response I get from people when I tell them I am a compulsive over-exerciser. The problem is that just like eating disorders aren’t about the food, over exercising isn’t really about the exercise. Nor is it really about being healthy. It’s another control mechanism, albeit one more socially acceptable than vomiting one’s birthday cake in a dubious restaurant bathroom or avoiding parties altogether for fear of the food.
What Defines an Exercise Addict?
Athletes workout 8-12 hours a day and nobody calls them exercise bulimics. Usually. So what makes an exercise addict? First, it’s not just about the time spent exercising (although that can be a good starting point.) Just like a person who fasts for religious purposes is not generally an anorexic, not all people who exercise a lot are addicts. For me, the difference is in the mindset.
1. The goals. Athletes work out to train for a sport or event. If something in their training causes injury or is not furthering their goals, they stop doing it. A compulsive exerciser will workout regardless of the consequences. They may have performance goals but sadly they usually go no further than the oblique and unattainable “to be thinner” or “to run faster” or “to build endurance” or “to lose body fat.” Injuries are something to be tolerated and worked through as taking a break feels impossible.
2. The breaks. An athlete will put 100% of their focus into training but once a goal is accomplished they can take a break. Often their breaks are built into their training schedule – a technique called periodization meant to maximize gains while sparing the body. Take Michael Phelps, for example. I just read an interview with him in Outside magazine where the interviewer chides him for gaining weight (stupid interviewer). Michael responds very sanely with something along the lines of “Whatever. I just swept the freaking Olympics. I can take a break. I start training for the 2012 Olympics in 2009 so I’m just going to enjoy myself right now.” For a compulsive exerciser, the result is the exercise – or the release of anxiety they get from the exercise – and so the score resets to zero every day. It doesn’t matter what you did yesterday or what you have scheduled tomorrow, you feel compelled to workout at 100% every single day. The voices in your head just won’t shut up until you do.
3. The results. An athlete is all about the results. Did I get a better time? Win the medal? Ace my opponent? For a compulsive exerciser the results are often more in the form of overuse injuries – stress fractures and bad knees and sore elbows that are never quite allowed to heal. This can be compounded by the fact that over exercising often goes hand in hand with under eating. What over exercisers often do not realize (or choose to ignore) is that exercising too much will not get you where you want to be. After a certain point, exercise actually has the reverse effect on your body, causing you to gain weight and body fat because of the constant stress you are putting it under. Not to mention you are jeopardizing your long term health by weaking your bones, damaging your heart (it’s a muscle, after all) and even wrecking your fertility.
Readers Speak Out
I’d like to share with you two e-mails I have received from readers recently that typify exactly what I am talking about. They are quite long but they are well worth reading and I think many of you may see yourself in them. I know I did. Both of these letters I could have written myself at different points in my life. Reader K (letters have been changed to protect the alphabet) represents the extreme end of the spectrum. She writes:
You don’t know me, but I’ve been reading your blog for some time now and with good reason.
I’m a 21 year old college senior and maybe I seem successful; I’m fit and talented at my craft ( illustration, which is my major and all of my teachers told me I am among the best in my class) and highly driven in work and school (grades came out straight A’s) and I’m told often I’m attractive.
BUT I have no social life to speak of because it would interfere with my exercising (which, frankly, would consume my ENTIRE day were it not for my classes, school work and job that make me appear a semi-normal human being). Also, people think the way I eat is weird, which is true because I’ve been eating disordered for over half my life now.
This escapes most people’s attention because I eat healthy most of the time (with obsessive strictness to vitamin, protein, fiber and fat intake) and exercise (which in most people’s minds equals “healthy”, and admirable even though it is taken to extreme).My BMI dances betweeen 16 and 15.8 depending on the day.
I have not had a period in almost a year.
I have 11% body fat and a lot of lean muscle; in short I currently have the body make-up of a 12 year old boy.
I have no hobbies anymore that do not involve fitness and nutrition.
I check mirrors when no one is looking to check my fat and flex my muscles out of the fear they will disappear should I neglect to exercise for a day (which I can’t bring myself to do).In summary, I find your blog both comforting and inspiring because it hits home very frequently, and I have struggles that I’ve never heard anyone experience as closely as you do. You just make sense, and I find it admirable that you have a LIFE outside and away from your disorder because I can’t seem to have one.
For a while, I have been content with this obsession but I feel I need to make changes for the better and soon before something really bad happens (I’ve been lucky enough that even at my stupidest, a 40 mile bike trip on just 900 calories that day, I didn’t collapse of a heart attack) and ruins everything I’ve ever worked for that matters.Do you have any advice in dealing with this disorder? What motivates you to embrace a healthy life when a dysfunctional life of thinness, endorphins and obsessive achievement sounds enticing? How do you do it???
I guess I’d just like some encouragement and wisdom from someone who understands because there’s no one else who really does.
Reader B, is a really good example of how compulsive exercising starts out and how insidious it can be. She writes:
Just today I read your entry about being a compulsive over-exerciser and it was (sadly) an “Aha!” moment for me. I so saw myself in your description of yourself and I finally realized (I may be the last person who knows me to do so) that yeh, I may just have a problem! What’s scary is that I was so deluded and telling myself it was healthy healthy healthy while simultaneously being somewhat secretive about it so that no one would judge me or try to stop me. And coming up with creative ways to “sneak in” working out. And happily looking at my little log of activities and calories burned for the day. And fantasizing about having the freedom to work out all day like a professional athlete. And excitedly drawing up and continuously tweaking my training schedule. And on and on…
I’m not sure how bad all of these things are by themselves. But when you are working out 1-3 hours per day and wishing it was more well – it may be time to re-assess, eh? But you know all of this.
Thanks again, a million times over – you’ve really helped me.
How I Am Doing
First, the bad news: I’m still working out 12-15 hours a week. For comparison, my therapist would like me to keep it under 10. The American Heart Association recommends 3 hours a week for basic health maintenance.
But now the good news! At least I’m down from the 25 hours a week I was working out! But wait, there’s more – I’ve also taken down the intensity level of several of my workouts. Rather than try and push it for the whole two hours I’m at the gym, I now do my scheduled workout and then use the extra time to just walk the track or stretch with a Gym Buddy or two and catch up on the status of all the celebrity wombs. And this last tidbit may fall under the umbrella of too much information but as it is a good indicator of my overall health, I feel inclined to share. My periods have finally come back and are now on a regular schedule! (Strange side note: weirdly, my cycle has synched up with Turbo Jennie and Gym Buddy Sunny. I never get to be the Alpha Female! Ah well, I’ll send them the bill for my chocolate cravings and zit cream.)
My Advice
I’ve said this before but it bears repeating. If you think that you suffer from compulsive over exercising, you need to seek help. I have a fabulous therapist and have found a lot of relief with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I also did a short stint on an outpatient basis through an eating disorder clinic for additional help. The other key I have discovered is accountability. The Gym Buddies all know about my predilections and are not opposed to taking me aside (as they did twice this month) to tell me “Charlotte, you are looking too skinny.” or “Charlotte, we’re done with our workout. Let’s just sit and stretch now.” In addition, I have you guys. That’s why I blog about this. You know I’m doing well with my compulsion when I can talk about it. If I am trying to hide it, then you have license to worry about me. The last piece of my recovery is Cymbalta. This combination anti-depressant and anxiolytic helps take the edge off my anxiety. I still have to deal with it by doing the work in therapy but at least the panic doesn’t overwhelm me now. I’m not perfect but I am getting better.
It is so important to realize that this is not something that is easy to change on your own. Eating disorders (and I classify exercise bulimia as one) are pernicious! Just when I think I’ve got one licked, another round of craziness steps in to take it’s place. While it’s true that I may have a more compuslive personality than most, I believe that this disorder is flourishing because society condones this particular brand on insanity. But it doesn’t have to be this way! You can absolutely get better from this. You are strong. You are smart. Most importantly, you are loved. We can do this together.
Great post – as per usual – Charlotte and I totally identify. I currently do two CrossFit sessions a day and would love to squeeze in a lunchtime one too. I’m terrified that if I take more than one rest day a week (and on that day I feel like I fat, lazy blob) that I will lose all my muscles and gain 10kg. I know it’s all in my head but cos it feels “healthy” I have “permission” to do it. On the bright side I am actually training for a specific event at the moment which means I have to be more careful about over-training, injury etc than I would if I was just exercising “to get fitter”. I also live a fairly isolated life and exercise allows me to feel like I’m “doing something” and am out in the world. Oh, to have such troubles I hear some people saying (probably those nasty letter writers on salon.com!) but it’s all relative. Great job with this blog and everything you are not afraid to say.
Ah Charlotte, once again your writing/blogging resonates with all your readers! Which includes me! I was that compulsive overtraining fool last year and to offer some insight to those that fear they are compulsive and would like a first step in the direction of “yes,I can”, here it is. First admit that what you are doing is extreme. Second, allow the thought that even 1 day off is good for your body as working out for 3 or more hours. Allow yourself the thought of thinking in terms of resting = recovery = good.
Until you can admit to all this, you’re going to be stuck on that slippery slope. I had shin splints, fatigue, and yes I actually gained weight due to this compulsion. Took me 3 months to recover and I said to myself, I don’t like to sit by and see my hard work go down the drain due to my thick headedness. Had I heeded my bodies warnings I wouldn’t have been behind my training schedule.
Its been another year and my season is upon me, no fatigue, no shin splints and yes, my weight has maintained. Like Charlotte mentioned, I shedule my rest periods, I took one week off every 6 – 8 weeks and that made a huge difference. For all you non-athletes but hard core excersize fanatics (you know who you are) you too can do this. If you can commit to the thought of working out you can commit to the thought of allowing yourself a treat of rest from time to time. You have the will, just have to listen to it =)
Wow, I’ve been waiting for this post for a while now and it did not disappoint!
First off, my heart breaks for both readers. I have been in recovery for anorexia for two years now and my problem definitely started with compulsive exercise. I know what they’re going through, I’ve been through something similar, but I’ve come out the other side. Yeah I’m still in the gym every day but I’m much kinder to myself than I used to be. For me the key thing was realising that far from being healthy, what I was doing was rapidly destroying my body. Once I’d acknowledged that I was behaving in a way that (as GB Mike says) was extreme, I HAD to figure out WHY I was doing it. That was key for me. And that’s where the therapy came in. CBT helped with my anxiety a lot, but I eventually found a therapist who specialised in eating disorders and over the course of a year we started to get me better and work out the underlying reasons and triggers.
Both these girls need to talk to somebody, if only to get some perspective on their situation. Don’t put it off til next week, do it now. There are people who love you and you’re playing a VERY dangerous game with the thing they love.
TA x
Thank you for this post Charlotte. I know a lot of your readers, myself included, have questioned the amount of time they spend exercising. It’s comforting to know they’re are others out there struggling with these same issues.
As always, I appreciate your honesty…and humor. You bring awareness to the problem while so many others condone it or think it to be a good thing. Thank you!!!
PS – Your gym buddies are amazing friends!
you are an amazing writer and a brave woman and make a good point about the addiction being one which is condoned or encouraged in our society.
That’s all I shall say today as Im no expert on the subject—just appreciate your post and I KNOW you touch many people and help so many (as do your readers/their comments) with your stepping up and speaking out.
in ALL posts.
I’m glad to hear that you’re doing better. It sounds like you’ve got a good group of friends to support you too. I look forward to reading your blog every day and I admire you for sharing so much. Keep up the great work!
Very informative post!!
It’s a tricky path for some of us for sure. I’m surrounded by so many serious athletes in my University city that it’s hard not to want to be like them. Learning to set some limits has helped me, sort of 🙂
Because I don’t blow off my morning workout on holidays, I’ve been accused by a few people of being addicted to exercise. But I know I’m not, because I DO take a weekly break (which happens to be today) and I also have enough sense to take unscheduled breaks when my body needs it.
There is a thin line between dedication and obsession. Love the interview with Phelps; do you have a link for that?
One of the things that’s helped me is picking concrete goals (10 pull-ups, run a 5k, etc) and focusing on them one at a time.
I also know a girl who has such and Alpha uterus that all of her roommates either end up on here cycle or have phantom periods (TMI?)
This is a wonderful – and heart rending- post. Thank you for the courage to write this.
I notice that when I’m anxious my first thought is to exercise. It often nags at me until I get moving. I will spend hours in a day thinking about my next workout. Better realize I may have problem…
One tiny side note. It is completely normal for women who are emotionally and physically close to synch their cycles.
Such a fine line. The mindset is a huge part of it- in the past I’ve done x amount of exercising and had a negative mindset and I knew I had a problem. But then, I’ve also done that same amount of exercising with a positive mindset and a healthy view of it, and in that case it was just me being healthy, and it wasn’t a problem.
How we THINK about it really alters the thing itself.
I applaud your bravery and honesty with this post especially, but all your writing.
This post definitely hits a cord with me. I struggled with anorexia for 5 years before finally feeling like I’m at or near recovery in the 2 years. I am now studying to become a psychologist to help people who struggled as I did.
Anyway, thanks you for your honestly. It helps people a great deal to hear of others honest struggles and how they manage it.
Great post, Charlotte. I think the increasing prevalence of exercise addiction is fueled by the idea that exercise is healthy and good for you. And doing lots of stuff that’s good for you is even better, right?
I’ve always been a goal-oriented athlete, so I’ve never dealt with this one myself. My college roommate, however, was an exercise bulimic. Wore herself down to the point of needing knee surgery to repair her beat up knee. Only then did she realize what she was doing to herself and that, at 21 years old, she was risking the ability to walk and run in the long term just to get in her workout in the short term.
If you took exercise and replaced it with work, you’d have the epitome of me 3-4 years ago. Work is good, and working a lot is better because you move up quickly and get compliments and recognition and all that. Underneath it is the lack of a social life, way-too-emotional ties to mundane work events, and letting everything else in your life go.
When I let go of that I also made a resolution to bring balance to my life as a whole, so I’ve put a lot of safeguards in place to make sure my life does not = my workout. I have a set plan each week I complete and nothing more (minus random opportunities like taking a walk around the neighborhood, etc). I cherish my rest days, all 3 of them now that I only do 4 days a week. I also try to keep in really close communication with my body so I don’t get injured and also don’t have it start shutting down on me (eating too little on too little sleep and trying to go hard in the gym totally does that, who knew!).
I’m also working towards training FOR something athletic as opposed to just for general health and fitness. I’m much happier when I am competing at something, and I’ve had to fake it the last 2 years competing with myself.
Thank you, once again, for sharing more of yourself with us, Charlotte.
I can safely say that I am not addicted to exericse, however, I can see signs that I could easily become addicted in the future. Right now, the 80 or so extra pounds I carry keep me too tired to exercise more than a few hours a week…but as the pounds fall away, and I begin to like more of what I see, it would be easy for me to become obsessive.
There’s a commercial on the radio for a local weight control center, and in it, a woman talks about jogging in place until her weight drops below a certain level. I think of myself marching or jogging in place in my bedroom, trying to get my pedometer to register the next thousand pounds before I go to bed…I could be like that woman one day.
I have a long way to go, though, so I won’t worry…yet.
Thanks for such an honest and insightful post. I struggle with disordered eating/orthorexia, compulsive binge eating and exercise bulimia. Overeaters Anonymous has been a huge help for me.
I went to my first meeting scared to death that a room full of fat people would kick the crap out of my size 4 a$$ for showing up at THEIR meeting… but I was more scared (shaking and petrified, really) of being at home alone for an entire weekend with a house full of food and unlimited time to compulsively exercise.
I still haven’t wrapped my head around the whole “Higher Power” concept, nor do I have a sponsor or a shiny coin for lots of continuous abstinence. However, I’m no longer afraid of food, or afraid of myself AROUND food or exercise. Every week I get to listen to and talk to people who’ve been where I was, or worse, and are now mostly sane and healthy around food and exercise.
My recovery is a work in progress, but it’s been a huge gift. I hope the two readers quoted above can find sanity and peace soon.
Just stumbled upon your blog, and I can see how some people would view your fitness schedule as admirable and focused from the outside, but you are right – its about the control, not about the actual workout.
I’ve seen a show on t.v. where a woman was and exercising bulemic, and it is not a pretty life!
Hang in there!
Well, I know I am not an exercise addict. Especially right now. That would require exercising.
However, I really found this post fascinating. Getting your periods back is a big deal. Michael Phelps is awesome. And your readers are very inspiring.
Hey just remember that water is key with exercise
I think this is a good article to help.
read this
http://emergevictoriousoverfat.com/2009/01/water-and-exercise/
I read this post last night and couldn’t sleep. I have been called an exercise junkie, and while I work out everyday, I try to maintain balance. I am looking for another way to relieve stress in my life, but right now, exercising is the best way to do it. Any suggestions? I have tried, and can’t get into meditation or yoga.
Great comments from everyone. Forgot to mention in my first post that I’m 6 years sober, so for me being obsessive about exercise is waaay better than drinking myself into a blackout every single night. Which is what I used to do. I know it’s still not ideal but these days I’d certainly much rather be in the gym a little too frequently than passed out with no idea what (or who) I’ve done in the past 24 hours.
i was about to say i cant imagine being addicted to exercise, but if you asked me when i was younger if i ever thought I would waste 5 years of my life petrified of food and vomitting everything i ate, I probably would have said the same thing.
the mind is a funny thing.
Kelly Turner
http://www.everygymsnightmare.com
You have so much insight and honesty that it’s truly inspiring!
It’s not an issue that is ever discussed much, other than the occasional joke. I’m so glad you’ve found help and support, and that you urge others to do likewise. With your honest posts, I’m sure you’ve helped countless other folks who struggle with similar issues.
There is a new documentary on this very topic it’s called “Beauty Mark – how far will you go.” Diane Isreal a former tri-athlete made the movie and tells her story of exercise bulimia. http://healthydiscoveriesbyjolene.blogspot.com/2008/09/beauty-mark-exercise-addiction.html it’s the first movie of its kind. It’s touching, honest and looks at body image, addiction, obsession, control, abuse, and perfection. I saw the film this fall and I thought it was well done – very similar to your post here.
That is marked improvement. Baby steps. 😀
I used to use the elliptical every day for 60 minute sessions. And walk to and from class. And get off the elevator ten floors below my apartment and walk up stairs. All to cope with the stress of my first year of law school. My hips hurt like you would not believe, I was tired all the time, but I couldn’t stop. Then I had my wisdom teeth out, and exercise was impossible for a week and a half. But instead of gaining 10 lbs, like I thought I had, I lost 5. And something clicked in my head: I didn’t HAVE to do that to myself. But I was lucky, it was like the surgery was an ‘intervention’ before I slid all the way down the slippery slope. I know how easy it can be to fall into this particular hole. Thank you for writing about this issue. It’s a brave thing to do, and my fingers are crossed for you as you continue to deal with it 🙂
very inspiring to us all! listening to our bodies is very difficult, and something that takes time to get back. your candid accounts of this journey (aka life) is truly admirable and thank you for making me think about things normally overlooked!
Oh…My…Goodness. I read your original exercise addiction post, and it’s scary how much that sounds like me.
The gym is my second home, but when I am there, it’s all business. It’s my religion and my passion.
I do need to try to tone it down a lot. :-/
Hello Charlotte
I'm not trying to intrude or overstep – just trying to shed light on exercise addiction – and exercise bulimia. I'm writing from MTV's true life and we're doing an episode on exercise addiction and I wanted to see if I could speak to you further about your (fmr) situation.
It's not locking you into anything by speaking with me, but I just have a few questions on the matter and how it has/does affect your life.
thanks.
truelifeproducer@gmail.com
I currently workout 5 hours a day. I do an hour of weights and 4 hours of cardio. Stairmaster, running, elliptical. I haven’t had my period in 2 plus years. I isolate myself. I restrict my food intake, but I do eat. I am thin. I have been in therapy for about 3 months now and on Celexa for 3 months. I don’t want to keep beating myself up like this. Will I gain weight if I cut back? I am so afraid.
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