The caption reads: “‘Better not take that fudge sundae,’ this customer muses when she sees the reading on the dial set in the counter.” My favorite part though is the look on the soda jerk’s face. Talk about public shaming.So you’ve finally dropped all the weight you wanted to. You hit your goal weight, had a party and rocked the skinny jeans. You posted your before and after pics and even wrote a testimonial in your favorite fitness magazine. You threw out your fat clothes and bought a sexy wardrobe of classic pieces to last you a lifetime in your newly svelte body. You are now the go-to girl or guy for healthy advice. Congratulations, you have officially entered the Shangri-La of weight loss. You’ve made it to The Last Chapter of every diet book. You are… in maintenance mode.
Theoretically once you have reached maintenance, you should be at your happy, healthy weight – one your body easily maintains (with healthy eating and exercise, natch) within one or two pounds. I’m going to ‘fess up: I’ve never hit maintenance. Part of it is my dedication to a weight that is probably too thin for my body. It’s the classic eating disordered mindset and I know that and I try not to listen to the crazy voice that tells me there’s no such thing as too thin.
But the other part is that I can never seem to stay at one weight for very long. I’m always either losing or gaining. I don’t think I’ve ever stepped on the scale and seen the same weight as I have the day before. The past 6 years have been regulated by my multiple pregnancies with gains and losses following a predictable, albeit, frustrating cycle. But even before that, it was always feast or famine. I was starving and losing or I was “being bad” and gaining. There was no middle ground.
I do understand that a certain amount of weight fluctuations are normal, especially when hormones are involved (seriously, why did society ever do away with The Red Tent concept?) but my weight fluctuates more than a pound or two. In fact, it goes up up up until I freak out, take drastic measures and then feel temporarily soothed as it goes down down down.
Last month was a down down down month and I happily watched the number on the scale trickle downward. That is, until Gym Buddy Megan casually mentioned at the gym, “You’ve lost too much weight.” Gym Buddy Allison agreed, “Yeah, you’re starting to look scary skinny again.” To be honest it’s usually a minor intervention like that one that jerks me out of the down phase of my fluctuations. They were right, of course. They always are. My chest bones were starting to come through and my collar bone was too prominent.
So I relaxed my eating a bit, gave myself a few treats. But I swear that sugar is a gateway drug for me and once I crack open that first bag of Nerds jellybeans (that weirdly look like those models they make of the Influenza virus) it’s game over. So this month has all been on the upswing. Every day I watch the number climb and try to talk myself out of a panic.
It’s downright crazy-making, is what it is.
Normal Person Theory holds that eventually my weight will settle out where it is supposed to be. And perhaps this is how it works for normal people. But I wonder if it will ever be that way for me. Have I messed up my body’s signals to the point where maintenance will forever elude me? Or is there hope for me yet?
I really don’t know. I do know that I’m not the only girl on this roller coaster though. Reading TokaiAngel’s blog, Off The Scale: Zen and the Art of Maintenance, is like reading my own journal sometimes (except she’s wittier and uses all sorts of adorable British sayings). In addition to many of you, I also know this from my Grandmother’s journals. A life-long bulimic, the only time she was ever at peace with her weight was when she was sub-100 lbs because of an illness that caused her terrible and unremitting pain. And yet the weight loss was what she recorded in her journal. She was not unaware of the irony either. Even in the depths of her pain she could see the humor. But then she died in a car accident, never having truly figured out how to be happy with her body.
It’s comforting to know that other women struggle with the ups and downs of “normal” weight fluctuations and yet manage not to revert to their previous eating disorders. But it also makes me wonder how anyone gets it right. This issue has caused me more tears and self-flagellation than I feel comfortable admitting. It has led to some of the ugliest breakdowns I’ve ever had. And yet. It’s not supposed to be this hard, is it? Is it?
Are you able to maintain your weight? How do you do it? Or are you caught on this endless ride like I am?
Mine is a daily struggle—not only with my weight, but with that gateway crack-like drug called SUGAR.
I swear if I could kick that crap, I would probably drop 15lbs in 2 days.
and yet I don’t (or can’t?)
For what it’s worth, I think you look (and are) fantastic! 🙂
I’ve managed to maintain within 3lbs for about 6 months now – the longest I’ve gone with maintenance. I WOULD like to be lighter (5lbs would do it) but I also know that there is no way in heck my body would maintain that without yo-yoing and I don’t want to stress over it. So I’ve found my happy weight and while I still curse my saddlebags, I don’t think I’ll strive to get lighter over my sanity. I like my sanity.
I still eat chocolate (just not as much) and go out drinking and while I could drop more weight if I cut those out, I don’t want to.
Bread has always been a weakness for me. Not good, high fiber, mulitgrain bread…Oh, no, not me… I don’t like STUFF in my bread. I like the plain old sugar-filled white bread. Smothered with butter. Oh yeah…
Bread is my gateway carb. A piece of bread leads me anywhere.
I can’t remember the last time I was at a healthy weight, and since I’m constantly dieting–or bingeing–my weight hasn’t been stable for years. I know that yo-yoing is terrible for my health and my body.
I’m trying really hard this time…first I’ll focus on losing the weight and THEN I’ll focus on maintaining. (A work friend and I were just talking today about how worried we are that we won’t be able to keep the weight off once it’s gone.)
One thing at a time, though.
I have been at a consistent weight range for 5 years. I have consciously made an effort to eat within a certain calorie range for 5 years, including journalling my food. I have no idea where my body would settle out if I stopped being so careful, and I’m afraid to find out. I like the weight I’m at now too much to play around with it. But in the back of my head I always wonder what would happen if I relaxed too much. And I definitely am unhappy if there is more than a three pound upswing from what I think my weight should be.
Charlotte, I have a question for you. Does your mood regarding your weight depend mostly on your number on the scale or can you feel it in your body too. My advice is that if your mood is mostly associated with the number, get rid of the scale and go with how you look and feel inside your own skin. This is going to be the best indicator of your health, not that cursed electronic demon. Grab a pair of jeans and a shirt that you’ve always liked and felt healthy in. Set them aside and use them as a measure of your health. They’ll usually allow that 2-3 pound fluctuation without the “freak out” effect of an actual number going up and down. Just my 2 cents. By the way, you sound a little down, we’ll have to kick (turbo that is) that out of you:)))
Maybe you don’t want me to put this on your blog, but as your sister who is an inch shorter and possibly 20 pounds heavier than you (as of the last time I saw you), here it comes: You can’t maintain your weight because it’s not the right weight for you. It always bounces up because you are too skinny. Your body’s maintenance weight is more than you are comfortable with. The good news is, skinny or lookin’ more like me or settling at your happy weight, you are still smart, strong, talented, and beautiful. Regardless of your weight, you are still YOU!
I’m on the endless ride Charlotte. Ever since I lost my weight (8 years ago), my weight fluctuates by about 10 pounds, but I am NEVER the same number 2 days in a row. When I relax my eating, the pounds come on so fast, and then when I cut back a little, the extra weight comes off pretty fast too. I never regained more than 10 pounds which is pretty rare after a dramatic weight loss from all the stories I read. Therefore, I know I shouldn’t dwell on my small ups and downs, but I do. Nothing freaks me out like seeing that number start to rise…I guess I just fear that it will never stop.
I have no idea how people can weigh the exact same number day after day. How is that possible?
You are adding fuel to my fire of not wanting a scale around after this next child. Pregnancy for me is a break from the rollercoaster ride. I see things differently. I don’t know if I’ll actually be able to stick getting rid of it post-baby, but the number. OH that stupid number. I don’t want it to have that much control in my life. Maybe it’s idealistic, maybe it won’t work.
But the thought of just being ok at my weight using fitness as my goal is thrilling. I’ll be dieting, yes. But nothing that I won’t be willing to do for the rest of my life. And that’s where it’s at for me. I don’t want to step on the scale every day for the rest of my life. I just don’t want to.
Maintenance is what I’ll be practicing after the baby comes. Because maintenance is what I’ll be doing forever. I’m hoping my weight will come off with tweaking…not LOSING and then MAINTAINING. make sense?
Again, I’m pregnant and not in my normal frame of mind. You can watch and laugh and remind me of this comment as soon as I turn back into my old neurotic GET-THIS-FREAKING-WEIGHT-OFF-OF-ME self.
Loved this, Charlotte. I have been in “maintenance” mode for a while. Reached my goals. But, I always catch myself thinking: well, I could always be a few pounds lighter, be more cut here or here, etc. My husband has made the comment – when is it ever going to be enough? When? I thought it was 3 months ago, 5 months ago. But I can’t help myself from having these thoughts of needing to “lean out”. AHHHH!
On a side note, I would LOVE if you would do a post about soda/diet soda and if it really makes a difference in weight, mood, overall health. I’m a Diet DP junkie and swear that it makes no difference when I drink the stuff or when I don’t…but then again, maybe I’m just in denial! 🙂
Never ever have I been able to maintain a weight I was “comfortable in”… much like you I start getting skinnier and skinnier until I get the heads up from someone (normally the boyfriend) and I gain weight… and I won´t stop until I feel fat again and tra-la-la… stop, rewind, play… I´ve also wondered if it was an ED thing or a woman thing. So, no, unless a week or two counts as maintaining, I have never done it either.
I adore your blog!
Maybe what’s helped me with maintenance is having a pretty liberal tolerance for minor ups and downs. When the Up threatens to get big enough to require new pants, my hatred of shopping helps me moderate the junk a bit more until my pants fit better.
But I know everyone is different!
Hmmm…the more I think about it, the more I wonder if this isn’t exactly what maintenance *is*. Those of us who have struggled with losing weight and keeping it off might have this fallacious idea that all the “normal” people completely effortlessly stay in that same 2-5lb range, but I don’t think that’s really the case. My college girlfriends who had always been normal weight (in my eyes) I later found out had about a 20lb range that they regularly cycled through in the year, and knew that when they no longer fit into X set of clothing, that’s when they needed to start paying more attention and restricting treats/exercising more.
The rest of us are just learning to do that a little bit later in life, I think.
You are definitely not the only person on this rollercoaster! 🙂 It's an endless struggle. For years I was just a little pudgier than I'd like, but everyone assured me I was skinny/slim/didn't-need-to-lose-anything. But then I lost a bit of weight carefully and in a controlled way, to compete in a Taekwon-Do competition. I loved it. Suddenly jeans fit perfectly, my body was in proportion. I understood that a couple of ill-placed pounds wreaked havoc on my body image. But with every competition it got harder and harder to stick to a strict dietary regime, and with every post-weigh-in sugar & grease binge, I was yo-yo-ing more and more. And the more I relaxed I became in the off-season, the more weight I gained, and the harder it was to lose. After I went up a weight category I thought that my problems were over. That it would be easy to maintain now because I would revert to my original Normal weight. No such luck.
I *wish* I could be able to exist in a state of Maintenance, but I know I will always be gaining or losing. I knew I hated rollercoasters for a reason.. 🙂
Aw Charlotte the comment from your sister made me want to cuddle both of you!
I suspect my battle against my refeed weight is now getting to a critical point – I’d started out in recovery wanting to settle at a healthy weight. But I’ve come so far now that if I let my weight settle I’d definitely go back up 5 or 6lbs heavier than I am at the moment. And I desperately want to be smaller still. It really is starting to become a conscious decision for me – I KNOW I will feel happier in myself when I lose that “last little bit”, but I can see it’s not natural for my body to stay so slim, so it’ll be a constant fight to keep my weight down. Do I want to be in that cycle for the rest of my life?
Brain melter! At least we are not on our own on this one (thanks so much for the shout-out!)
TA x
Im not a weigher but I can definitely tell I fluctuate by how my clothes fit and it is ALL, as you point out, SUGAR related.
And for me also mainly fatigue related and less 'holiday happy pounds.'
Im not a nerd 🙂 but a twizzler and those red sticks of lovely come out when Im exhausted and my brain insists they will help me stay alert!and!awake! (which they do for about 10 minutes and then they merely make my jeans snug in the butt & me a little ornery).
I love your style.
from writing voice to honesty.
I don’t think people with eating issues ever reach maintenance mode. Sooner or later your particular food weakness will take over for a time, setting you back a little ways. Hopefully you have a mechanism in place for kicking yourself back into gear before it gets out of control. I think the only people who ever really reach maintenance mode are those that don’t have food problems. They eat when they get hungry and don’t eat if they’re not.
Sorry Charlotte!
I stay at a fit weight with consistent exercise and a healthy diet. The talk I write on my column is the walk I do in life.
It took a while, but once I found a lifestyle that worked for me, I’ve never done the “diet” thing. I do like that I don’t need to lose those 5-10 pounds, but that’s only a very small part of what a person is really all about.
Identify and listen to your true inner voice if you can, not the chorus of others with their own inner battles to fight.
I think maintence is the hardest because its a constant game of guess and check. when your goal is to lose weight you know what you need to do, but ultimately, maintence is something you need to work at, too. sadly, i dont think there is a spot where you can finally completely relax- especially if you lost a heap of weight in the first place.
Kelly Turner
http://www.everygymsnightmare.com
I’m pretty much in maintenance mode- the pounds stay the same but I have difficulty keeping the flat stomach and all that. So I think I “fluctuate” between muscle and fat a decent amount. It’s TOUGH!
When the gym buddies tell you that you’re starting to look scary thin, why don’t you try eating more of the good stuff rather than treats? That might keep you more at a healthy weight.
Hmmm. I seem to stay around my current number, although I don’t think I’ve hit the “maintenance” part of my fitness yet. Ideally, I’d like to do one-armed push-ups and be able to deadlift my body weight. Then I’ll happily maintain.
I’m always fluctuating, and- like most, it’s sugar (simple sugar) related.
I keep thinking that someday I’ll hit my goal weight and be in that maintenance phase, but really, what do we do in the interim?
Looks like everyone stresses about their body way too much. Wouldn’t it be great if we could just find some balance?
Another comment – I don’t think we can ever entirely relax and stop thinking about food/exercise – maintaining or otherwise. It becomes a lifestyle and not a quest.
I try avoid getting on the scale more than once every 2 weeks and go more on the how my jeans fit than anything else. But then again, I’m not coming from a ED background so my word may mean nothing.
I also know that FITNESS wise I’m not maintaining – I’m with Tricia in wanting to be able to do one-armed push-ups. Heck, I just want to be able to do REAL push-ups and not want to die.
I just finished reading “What I talk about when I talk about running” and I was going to use this quote as part of a post, but it deserves to be in your comments instead.
“No matter how long you stand there examining yourself naked before a mirror, you’ll never see reflected what’s inside.”
Shortly after I quit losing (notice, I didn’t say “hit goal,”) I noticed that I was panicking every time my weight bounced up a little, and I began to find myself on a frightful roller-coaster ride – one I did NOT want to be on.
So, I changed the paradigm and decided to go by my clothing size to make sure that I didn’t regain the FAT, though I am perfectly fine with any additional pounds caused by muscle increase. And, I KNOW when I have overeaten – no need for a scale to tell me that – so I make sure to adjust my diet for any indiscretions, which I make sure are few and far between.
I have to live in this body, so I am treating it – and by extension myself – very kindly. I am at a weight that is excellent for me, though it might not seem to be perfect if one just goes by the numbers.
As a result, I have enjoyed incredible peace with myself, and I can only hope the same for you. Quit weighing!
I guess I’m in maintenance mode, but I still have those little windows of drastic up/drastic down. Lately though I’ve gained a few and have actually been ok about it. If I had to play psychotherapist with myself, I would say its a direct correlation to the happy life decisions I’ve been making recently. My focus has been less about what I look like and more about how good I feel.
But tomorrow is another day and I might just have one of those little manic windows open… 🙂
I am not a fan of the scale, so I usually just go by how my clothes are fitting. I’ve been in maintenance mode for almost a year now and my clothes fit the same – not tight and not too big either. I think that if I was to weigh myself more often, it would just drive me crazy. Thanks for posting this. It made me do some thinking.
Well, the plus side about not shifting the weight I want to lose is that I don’t have to worry about maintenance!
I’ve never been in maintenance mode, either. Right now I’m kicking myself a bit; 3 years ago I was trying SO HARD to lose weight! Everyone was telling me that I was thin enough, that I didn’t need to lose anymore. But there was one pair of jeans I still couldn’t fit into, and I wanted to.
I recently looked at a photo of myself from that time, and now I wish I could look like that again. Like you,
I’m one of those folks who thinks I can never be thin enough. And I think we need to figure out WHY.
There’s something I read in a couple of books that I think about a lot: If, all of a sudden, something happened and no one on earth could gain or lose another ounce, ever, what would I do with my life? How would I be different?
It’s hard for me to even imagine.
I can relate in the sense that the last time I ever though that I was at a happy weight was probably around, oh, age 10. It was either get skinnier to be better at sports, or later, just lose weight because I was morbidly obese. I don’t exactly know what it is to be too skinny – but I’m pretty sure it would take giving up sandwiches and the occasional (weekly night of having too many) drinks, so I’m solid.
However, I’m starting to get from my friends the “why do you want to lose more weight” comments. They don’t exactly understand my history, they just see me as a fairly fit individual of seemingly average weight. I try to tell them that I’m still technically overweight by medical standards…sigh.
This is turning into more of a blog entry than a comment so maybe I’ll hop back over to mine and yack more if work doesn’t get in the way. 🙂
This is interesting. I know my weight does go up and down, but I just don’t pay attention to the scale. I weight myself every few weeks, at the most. I focus more on eating reasonably healthy, never eating too much when I do eat junk, and exercising in some fashion everyday. This works for me (more or less).
– Dave
I think Laura is probably right. If you are eating well and getting a moderate and healthy amount of exercise, then your body will hit its happy weight. Maybe it’s higher than what you want. I’d say to go a few months without over-exercising or tracking calories, and see what your weight does, and where it wants to stay. I would guess it would be within a healthy range, and go to where it should be.
Me? Other people would tell me it’s good genes, but they must have all come from my dad’s side, because I may be the only person on my mom’s side to be at a healthy weight and not have health troubles related to weight and diet. (And those good genes from my dad’s side, well, they come from a man who had two different rare forms of cancer by the age of 20, and died at the age of 60 from a recurrence of cancer which he’d battled for 10 years.)
But I have never really been unhappy with my weight, with the exception of a 6-month or so period where I was a bit of a drunk and gained weight. Otherwise, without any regular exercise, I maintain a weight of around 125 with a body fat of 27%, BMI 21.5. With moderate exercise (30-60 minutes a day, 4-6 days a week), I stay the same weight, but the body fat drops down to about 22%. I don’t know if I’m extremely lucky, or it’s more of having naturally good habits and preferring healthy foods. Both, I suppose. But I think the fact that I don’t stress about my weight makes it easier to maintain. And that I recognize this is a good, healthy, attractive weight most women would be thrilled with, and so I don’t aspire to some ridiculous, airbrushed, celebrity model of perfection.
I would be willing to bet you don’t fluctuate as wildly as I do (and I never get as low as I’d like anyway). I gained 50 lbs with each kid. I lost most of it between the kids but not all of it. Then in ’07 I lost a lot (still didn’t get to goal weight) then had setbacks (mainly injuries) and gained a lot back. Now I’m pregnant again and managed to get pregnant at my highest non-preggo weight. So I’m really hoping I don’t gain those 50 lbs again!
OK not helpful–just saying I never even get to my goal weight and can’t even maintain a good plateau.
Yep. Right there with you. My weight goes up and down all the time. Yes, I constantly strive to be thiner. When will we just be satisfied? When will enough be enough. We eat right, exercise daily, and I do anyway indulge in chocolate. We have to be able to enjoy the life and body we are given.
I can’t do maintenance either. It’s always down down down TOO SKINNY!!! Then UP UP UP OH GOD I’M HUGE (at least my mind says so) then down down, up up, etc. I guess it’s better than a few years ago when I was maintaining, but at a very very low weight. I’m very jealous of those people that maintain well.
I think your sister is probably right. You even say it in your post:
I’ve never hit maintenance. Part of it is my dedication to a weight that is probably too thin for my body.
I don’t think you CAN hit maintenance, when the weight you’re maintaining is too low for your body. Your body will always fight to gain a little, to get to its natural weight.
(Then again, I’ve had the opposite problem: bingeing – and gaining – when I desperately try to maintain.)
For over a year I’ve been struggling with maintenance and recently had a light bulb moment. When I’m feeling good about my weight, I go easy on myself and allow the extra treats, etc. Inevitably the pounds creep on. Then it’s back into diet-mode where we try to get those pounds off again.
Most of our lives we’re on a diet. We know how to lose weight, we’re more or less comfortable with restricting certain foods, exercising more, etc. It’s easier for us to diet than it is to maintain, so we allow (even if subconsciously) our weight to fluctuate. At least that’s why i think I’m finding maintenance so hard.
It’s great to know that while there are so many people that look great and have been successful in getting to a healthy weight, they are going through the same thing as you are.
I am currently trying to maintain. Never had trouble until I turned 35 and then I put on a few pounds every year until the total was 20 and nothing fit. I did Atkins and started exercising and lost it all but then only maintained for 6 months and put a bunch back on. Off and on it has been for a few years but this past fall I decided to concentrate on muscle (rather than fat). I am maintaining my weight (give or take 5 pounds) so far (definitely on the slim side).
I think that I need a goal. It is easier for me to lose than to maintain. I know what to eat and how to exercise to lose but never quite got the right balance to maintain (that darn sugar for me too). I am hoping that kicking up the exercise and increasing my protein overall will be the key but only time will tell.
I really appreciate this post and all of the comments it has provoked. So many different experiences—and so many similar ones! (Not to be inane or anything.)
Right now I am far, far away from dealing with the complexities of maintaining a certain weight because I still have many pounds to lose before my BMI is even close to the healthy range. I know that PastaQueen and Refuse to Regain both address the issue of maintenance. But if someone is looking to maintain a weight that is unhealthy-low, that’s a whole other ball game. Says the girl who lived on rice cakes and plain tuna the summer she turned 15!
Honestly, going primal in diet(somewhat, I still eat dairy) and exercise style has really helped me maintain my weight. I cut out grains and cut way back on excess sugars, as well as limiting steady-state cardio and started emphasizing cardio sprints and weight lifting. These measures have allowed me to maintain my weight within a 5ish lbs range for the past year. I know you tried it and it didn’t seem to click for you, but primal really seems to work for me, and I agree with the science behind it.
My weight goes up and down 15 pounds. I’m fine with it, though I prefer the lower range and really don’t like the top 5. My life is changing, the way I adapt to things is changing–as long as you’re not yo-yo dieting (I’m not dieting, period), I’d rather not stress about it. A weight *range* is pretty normal.
I don’t own a scale, but I do exercise and avoid sugar for my SANITY. I don’t even think they affect my weight (other things do–fatty foods is one). But they make me crazy. Sugar is like an abusive friend. I told her “no more”. Fruit is sweet and doesn’t make me crazy.
-Ann
They say weight maintenance is more difficult than weight loss, and that it so true!
Studies have revealed that the complete turn-around from your food choices is the key to losing and maintaining your ideal weight. However, exercise does help you lose the extra pounds faster and keep them off for good!
I think the problem is people thinking they can maintain a certain weight. Our bodies are not built to be one weight, we are by nature supposed to fluctuate. It is built into our genes to hold and expel weight bades on environmental needs (winter, famine, pregnancy, etc).
I try to keep myself within a range and try to keep myself in certain areas of that range depending on my current environment/situation. But I am absolutely fine with gaining a little over the holidays and loosing during summer and holding onto weight till my babies are one. It is normal.
I disagree with the comment, “I don’t think people with eating issues ever reach maintenance…I think the only people who ever really reach maintenance mode are those that don’t have food problems. They eat when they get hungry and don’t eat if they’re not.”
I had food issues most of my life–and still have anxiety from time to time. But I’ve been at a stable weight (within 3 pounds) for over a year and within 5 pounds for over 2 years. I weigh very occasionally, I don’t eat breadf, Dorotos (my former nemesis), don’t drink Diet Soda, and I got to my OA meeting once a week–it’s my vitamin.
I’m closer to ‘normal’ than ever before in my life.