“Pumpkin!” That was the final word that I needed to win Mrs. Julkunen’s second-grade Fall Festival bingo game. The stakes were high: winning meant not only bragging rights on the playground but also a beautiful package of scented pencils that I lusted over and begged my mom endlessly for quarters so I could buy some out of the vending machines at my school. Cinnamon, bubblegum, even rootbeer! I needed those pencils. And Mrs. J just said “pumpkin!” I was the second-grade Bingo Star! Except… except that we were using pinto beans as bingo markers and I’d, um, eaten all my remaining pinto beans. And as everyone in second grade knows, if you can’t prove it with beans then your win, well, it isn’t worth beans.
That day I discovered my deep love for raw beans. Yeah, they’re so crunchy you could crack a tooth. Not to mention I was eating something that had passed through the fingers of multiple years of children who could not be counted upon to wash their hands after using the bathroom. And yet there was just something about the flavor. It was nutty with a slite bite at the end. And the hull that stuck in my teeth? Snack for later!
It was a love that has only grown stronger over the years. I still love me a good raw bean. Except that now in a nod to my apparent maturity, I soak the beans first to keep my teeth intact. Now don’t get me wrong, rarely do I just sit down with a big bowl of soaked beans – usually it happens over the course of a day while I’m soaking my beans to make one of the many variations of the 15-bean soup that is a staple of my diet. A lima here, a lentil there, a great northern for a real treat but over the course of a day I can eat a good cup or two of the little suckers.
Until last Friday. All my bean glee came crashing down when I did an innocent google search for “eating raw beans.” Apparently you are not supposed to eat raw beans. They can kill you. Especially the kidney beans of which I am so fond of. Cooked? No problemo. (Well, except for the gaseous emissions.) Raw? It begins with stomach cramps, diarrhea and nausea before progressing on to ER visits and, yes, death. Okay, so no deaths have been officially reported but there are plenty breathless warnings like this one:
PLEASE do not eat Raw kidney beans…they are TOXIC and you may end up in the hospital…..please look at googled sites….U.S. FDA and Atlanta center for deisease control……folks have DIED in UK for undercooked/uncooked kidney beans, both red and white!!!!!!!!!
Do you see that? That’s nine exclamation points on that bad boy. And you know what nine exclamation points means. They are like, totally, super serious, not, like, making this up, okay??????
I panicked. And I did what everyone who thinks they are going to die (albeit of the world’s stupidest cause of death ever) does. I called my sister.
“I’m dying.”
“I’m sure you’re fine.”
“No seriously, I ate raw beans.”
“So? You used to eat bags of raw pasta when you were pregnant with your first. (True story.) Last I checked, being weird isn’t a fatal condition, just inconvenient on first dates and your husband married you anyways so I think you’re safe.”
Har, har. “For realz. Go google it. It says“:
Beans have the glycoprotein lectin named phytohaemagglutinin in various concentrations, depending on the cultivar or variety. The red kidney bean has the highest concentration of this lectin compound. Raw kidney beans have 20,000 to 70,000 toxin units, while fully cooked beans have only 200 to 400 toxin units. Undercooked beans may have up to 5 times the toxicity of raw beans.
Consumption of raw or undercooked beans can result in a severely debilitating illness.
Symptoms start within one to three hours of consumption of raw or undercooked kidney beans. The symptoms are extreme nausea followed by severe vomiting followed within one to a few hours with diarrhea and for some people, abdominal pain. Recovery is usually within three to four hours after the symptoms start.
All people are susceptible, regardless of age or gender. Severity of the symptoms is dose related. Eating as few as four or five raw soaked beans can cause symptoms. Confirmation of diagnosis of the disease is by observing the hemagglutination of red blood cells.
“Okay, so you vomit a lot. We used to do that for fun, remember?” (Ah, cracking jokes about our eating disordered history. Good times!)
“And then I DIE.” I will not be reassured. “It says I can get sick from as few as 5 beans!”
“How many did you eat?”
I panicked. I couldn’t remember. “I don’t know. At least 50.”
“50?!? Who eats 50 raw beans? You are so weird.”
“Yeah, I know. We covered that. What do I do?”
“Well how do you feel?”
I felt fine until she asked me that. Then of course my stomach seized up. “My stomach hurts!” I gasped.
“You just did that to yourself.”
“I did not! It’s the beans!”
“Have you eaten raw beans before?”
Shame. “Yes…”
“And have you ever died before?”
Ahem. “Okay, fine.”
“Well have you?”
“No.”
“Have they ever made you sick?”
“Nothing Bean-o or some papaya tablets couldn’t cure.”
“Case closed then. You’ll live. Now do your dishes.” (Can you tell we talk every day? She even knows when I do my dishes!)
“Okay but first can we talk about my cyst on my back that used to be gigantic but now thanks to the miracle of antibiotics just looks like the World’s Worst Hickey and I wore a tank top to the gym yesterday and now everyone thinks my husband has a shoulder fetish?”
“You did what?? You are so…”
“Weird.” I know.
Your Turn
Help me feel better! Any of you have socially unacceptable food cravings? Did you eat glue and like it? Play-Doh? Heaven help me – bingo pinto beans?!? Anybody? Anyone else been attacked by their health food?
Health food often tries to kill me.
It started innocently enough…I was eating baby carrots and my tongue started itching. A friend of mine suggested it was something on the carrots, so I bought organic regular-sized carrots. No luck. Still got an itchy tongue. My solution? Stop eating carrots.
Next to attack me was melon. Then bananas. Finally, I went to the doctor, who told me my allergies were “maturing” (Oh, lucky me!) and I’d developed Oral Allergy Syndrome. The boring old allergies I’ve always had–grass, ragweed, pollen–escalated into so much more.
It’s dangerous, too. All of a sudden, foods I’ve eaten my whole life can kill me. I kissed my daughter once after she’d eaten a strawberry and my lips puffed up like someone had punched me and within minutes I was covered in hives. I carry around an epi-pen in case a new, severe allergy rears its ugly head…or I forget, like the one time I was halfway through a strawberry margarita when I suddenly felt…funny. (Sheer genius, I know.)
Be careful with those beans, Charlotte! Can’t say I’ve ever eaten them raw, although I suddenly got the urge to try it while reading your post…The urge went away as I continued to read, though.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oral_allergy_syndrome
I eschew health food when I’m traveling in furrin* countries. Also I avoid the water there. When in a country where you’re not sure of the produce’s hygiene habits, stick to fast food and beer.
*In this case ‘furrin’ also applies to the Best Teriyaki restaurant that I ate at last week, which is now named Worst Teriyaki after that experience; trust me, beans seem like a painless way to go after their chicken special.
I have a patient at the clinic I work at that has a toliet paper compulsion! Yes, I said toliet paper! A certian kind to be exact! CHARMIN! She get’s bad belly aches and bloating, but it has not harmed her yet! She has be doing this for years! Something to be said for wiping from the inside out!
I never anything weird growing up…paper, glue…not for me. They might have sounded good, but I was too full of mac & cheese to notice. 🙂
I did the vegetarian thing for about 5 years and developed an intolerance for soy. I went to town on some baked tofu at a party one night and was doubled over for 3 days. Didn't touch the stuff for 2 years, but now I can eat it in small quantities without a problem.
Vinegar. Red wine, white, balsamic, apple cider. I can go through 2+ cups in a sitting and is the only food that makes my mouth water.
I ate a whole can of green lentils in one go when trying to introduce new healthy foods a while ago – the recipe was red peppers stuffed with chilli lentils. Very yummy. But my stomach objected quite heavily for the next 24 hours – I haven’t eaten such a large quantity of lentils since!
Have you ever tried roasted beans? I think they would taste similar enough to your raw bean habit without the danger. Roasted Chickpeas and and “soy nuts” are easy to find ready to eat in stores. And if you want to make your own, just drain cooked beans, toss with flavoring, spread in a single layer on a cookie sheet and bake at 400 or so until crunchy (probably 20 minutes or more). They’re pretty tasty!
I used to eat raw pasta all the time as a kid!
I had a period of eating tons of tinned rhubarb, then I started to get really weird dizzy spells and sweats. THEN my therapist revealed that she too used to max out on rhubarb and apparently if you eat enough (we had both been eating A LOT) it stops your body absorbing certain minerals and you can get quite ill from it!
Yeah, weird.
TA x
RAW COOKIE DOUGH.
we (ok *I*) ate it as a kid all the time and now? we are admonished NOT to let our kids taste it even as (cue ominous musical chords) the raw eggs will immediately give em salmonella.
I LOVE YOUR WRITING.
My sister thinks it’s weird that I like salsa to the extent I’ll eat it from the jar with a spoon. I also love eating rinsed, canned black beans with my fingers!
Hey, it’s better than when I used to suck the mayonnaise out of those packets at restaurants.
Beans in general are just awesome, and I find I have more energy throughout the day when I nosh on em.
I used to pick clover leaves from my piano teacher’s yard and munch on those until I realised that eating plants from a garden probably wasn’t good. I still munch on lettuce and spinach leaves so the leaf fetish hasn’t left me.
I also like to munch on cold cooked pasta – spaghetti or penne. No sauce, no seasoning. Just cold from the fridge and cooked.
I still eat raw pasta, although I try to abstain because I worry about cracking my teeth. I also love the unpopped popcorn kernels (which I also try to not eat for the sake of my chompers). And I think that raw dough (cookie, brownie, biscuit…) tastes better than the cooked product.
You should definitely try roasting the beans for a crunchy and non-lethal snack; rinse a can of beans or pre-soak some dried ones. In a bowl toss the beans with a tsp or so of oil (sesame is my fav, but olive or whatever), salt and spices (I like garlic powder, cumin and cayenne). Bake in the over at about 350deg F or less for anywhere from 45 to 60 minutes, depending on the type of bean and your oven. They should be pretty much completely dry and crunchy (but not burnt… if they’re burning, lower the heat of your oven and bake for longer).
I use these as a snack, over a salad or as a garnish.
Celery & salsa. Also, as a child I'd eat uncooked rice.
And cookie dough and brownie batter.
Loved this post….
I once ate an entire bag of butter mints. (The pastel colored, Hershey kiss size with little white dot candy on the ends)I was addicted I tell you! About an hour after I had them coming back out… both ends…and I had the worse stomach ever. I haven’t touched them since.
Ooooh, gross confession time! I used to find popcorn in the couch as a child and eat it. (WTHeck?) I liked the sticky/chewy-ness of it…kinda like the marshmallows in Lucky Charms. I also like cold, slimy, pasta and bread dough. DOH!
Your writing is wonderful!
Can’t think of anything! Gosh, I hate when I may be actually normal with something. I have standards to maintain 🙂
Cinderella – Good gracious, girl! I’m glad you are okay but how scary that it just randomly happens to you like that!! I had no idea allergies could come on later in life that way!
Merry – Oh no! Food poisoning is THE WORST! I’m glad you are feeling better!
Daily Dean – Okay, you win. Wow, Charmin. I’ve heard of ED’ed girls eating toilet paper to fill their stomachs but I never heard of anyone actually enjoying it!
Heather McD – You’re vegan now, right? It’s interesting you mention the soy intolerance. I discovered that my body hates soy when I went vegan. And it was very hard to be vegan and not eat soy! So now I’ve downgraded to vegetarian and get most of my protein from eggs or whey sources.
Beffy – You drink vinegar straight?! I’m in shock. Just the smell knocks me out.
Jellybean – you have the best username EVAH! And I’ve totally OD’d on the lentils. Definitely teaches you a lesson;)
Anonymous – I’d totally forgotten about roasted beans! You just made my whole day! I’m totally trying them!
TA – I didn’t even know they made canned rhubarb! I have to admit that now I’m curious as to what it tastes like… Scary about the nutritional deficiencies though.
MizFit – Did you know they actually have recipes now for cookie dough sans eggs? Of course I let my kids eat the real deal… hard to tell them no when I’m doing it;)
Rachel – I can understand the mayo love. When I was little I used to dip carrots into straight mayo. Really it was all about the mayo – the carrot was just the vehicle;)
Gemfit – Haha! I used to eat dandelions out of our front yard! I suppose as long as they’re not using pesticides on their lawn it’s probably ok:) Yay for pasta!
Loey – THANK YOU so much for the instructions on how to make roasted beans! I had no idea I could make my own! I’m so doing that!! Today. Wooohoooo!
Tricia – Mmmm…uncooked rice…
KJ – I long loved those butter mints too. Now I try and limit myself to only eating them at weddings. They’re like chips – once you start you just keep going back!
Colleen – I like old popcorn kernels too:) And bread dough? Delish! Although the yeast gives me a tummy ache…
Dr. J – Don’t worry, someone on here has to be normal!
I don’t think I have any odd eating weird things problem, but my mother-in-law used to nibble on raw hamburger. My wife insists on banana and mayonnaise sandwiches and now my kids do the bacon and peanut butter thing and also chew on an occasional dog biscuit. I absolutely know this all comes from her side of the family.
I love steamed broccoli dipped in marinara sauce. And chewing popcorn kernels. And after I’ve peeled apples for something, I eat the peels. In fact, I don’t like the taste of raw apple unless there’s peel involved. Oh, and I love to fold raw whipped eggwhites into my oatmeal. Yup, I’m a freak 🙂
I had no idea about the killer beans!
As a kid I liked to chew notebook paper. Actually, book pages tasted even better but that was harder to get away with.
Hadn’t thought about that in years!
Heh crazy. Does that extend to chickpeas? They’re beans. I eat them raw all the time. Yesterday I had some and then went to a movie and ate some movie theater popcorn. Afterward my stomach really hurt and was cramping, and I assumed it was the popcorn. What do you think?
I have two from the top of my head – I’m sure there is more though. Every morning for the last few months I’ve had the same breakfast… oatmeal straight from the package. Like open one corner, shake into mouth. I love the taste and fillingness of oatmeal, but I hate the texture when it gets wet.
I also used to, and will still eat sunflower seeds without de-shelling them. I think they taste so much better that way. However, when I used to eat them daily for a snack…let’s just say there was some pain involved getting rid of them if I didn’t chew well.
Then there’s the seafood (shrimp/lobster/etc) with ketchup, which I’ve just recently gotten over (cocktail sauce is soooo much better). I am so weird :).
Oh, good! I am so glad I just put these in my ears instead of eating them. That song, “My Mom Told Me Not to Put Beans in My Ears,” is so true! Although every other kid in music class got those bingo beans out of their ears, I ended up at the school nurse with tweezers the length of knitting needles and got a bean with an ear wax halo yanked out. And upon my arrival home was greeted by my mother who asked, “Do we need to go shopping for ear muffs?”
I think this post was about strange food cravings, sorry about the confessions of a grade-school nerd instead. Does eating all the green salad from all my friends’ school lunches count as strange?
I have a soy intolerance too. It made eating in my house as a child a real chore because my brother was allergic to 200 things and I was allergic to 6/12 staples of his diet. Ironic, I know.
I don’t eat too much that is weird weird but I do have veggie based soup as a staple for breakfast. Also, my brother eats pasta with ketchup as the sauce. Just ketchup. He’s 21. That’s weird.
Peanuts in the shell. Yummy! (I started this at the age of 27, when I saw one of my grad school professors do it. Yeah, way to influence your students, lol!
As soon as I started reading your post I was thinking, “Oh no, I need to tell her they are poisonous!” You are so smart.
I love peanutbutter, mayonniase, and pickle sandwiches on homemade bread. Just don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
i dont like it, but whenever ther is crepe paper (streamers, I guess they are called) around, I always taste it. Its the most foul thing ever- so foul i have to try it everytime just to believe it. Its like sour and bitter and just…awful.
Kelly Turner
http://www.everygymsnightmare.com
I used to eat raw oats. My Mom always kept a tub of them in the cupboard where all the baking supplies were and I would eat them by the handful. I think I liked chewing on them. Haven’t thought about that in years.
I used to absolutely LOVE raw pasta as a child – my mom would always yell at me when she caught me eating it. Now, I’m a huge fan of baked ziti that’s totally overdone so it’s crunchy, almost like raw.
Like Quix, I also used to love raw oatmeal. Give me a packet of Quaker Maple and Brown Sugar, pour it into a bowl, and I’m good to go. I forgot about that till I saw it in the comments! I love cooked oatmeal now though.
The only beans I ever seem to soak from scratch are chickpeas, and I totally sneak them raw whenever I’m soaking them, “just to see how they’re progressing.” However, like Sagan, I usually end up with a tummy ache.
It’s funny I totally forgot about some of the wierd things I eat (forgot about the weirdness factor, that is) until I read this post!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE raw carrots dipped in mustard. Well, any raw veggie dipped in mustard for that matter. Like you Charlotte, I suspect the veggie may be just the vehicle.
I went through a phase while preggers where I would eat an entire bag of frozen french fries at a time. I also have been known to eat frozen red grapes – yum
I will have to let my hubby know that I am not the only weird eater out there…thanks for the post!
I really like peanut butter and bacon together. I used to eat it as a treat on an English muffin but I gave up grains so I haven’t had the combination in a while. Somehow just spreading the peanut butter on the bacon seems a bit excessive…
I’d love it if sometime you did a post about your background in gymnastics. I am also a former gymnast, as are a few other of your readers (I think), and I’d be really interested to hear about your experience.
Mayonnaise. The real kind, not Kraft or Best Foods or any of that. Either I make it myself, or I get the Trader Joe’s brand. Total ingredients: eggs, oil, vinegar. THAT kind of mayo. I can eat it with a spoon.
Also Irish butter. Right off the knife. I try to abstain, but it’s hard.
(I know, I know: GROSS. Actually I just found out a couple of years ago that my body has a hard time digesting fat, which might explain the weird cravings. TMI? Yeah, probably. LOL)
Wow – my youngest likes raw pasta and raw oats but reading these posts reminded me of how I used to eat cottage cheese with french dressing – had to be that combo and never thought it was odd until I was older. Haven’t had it in years and don’t think I want to –
p.s. joined a gym and have done BodyPump, TurboKick and Yoga – TurboKick is kicking my butt – I feel very uncoordinated doing it –
I remember my best friend growing up eating raw potatoes. She would add some salt and eat it like an apple. And me… wait for it…. raw hotdogs.
So happy to see someone has found turbo in the new year. Yeah!! Vamomof2!
Tom – raw hamburger may be the worst one I’ve read on here yet. Egads.
Rachel – I was right there with you up until the raw egg whites. But broccoli with marinara? BRING IT!
Crabby – I think eating paper is fairly common among children. At least my kids certainly seem to all do it!
Sagan – Actually, from what I understand, chickpeas are legumes, not beans so they don’t fall under the don’t-eat-raw rule.
Quix – I’ve so had the sunflower seed poops. Those HURT. And raw oatmeal is fab!
Emma – you crack me up, girl. I don’t know that song but I love the earmuffs story!
SeaBreeze – I think veggie soup for brekkie sounds yummy!
Azusmom – I have tried a few peanut shells. Not a winner in my book but hey, who am I to judge? 😉
Ice Cream – Um, I don’t eat bacon so I’ll have to take your word on that sandwich 😉
Kelly – I have SO tasted crepe paper! And you’re right – it’s nasty!!
JavaChick – I love raw oats!
Laura – there’s just something about crunchy pasta, no??
Not Your Average Mom – I do love me some frozen french fries! And mustard is the condiment of the gods. Esp. if there’s horseradish in it!
Sally – you sound like an Atkins dream woman! And I have written a bit about my gymnastics history on here before but I’m happy to talk about it more. It’s mostly wedgies and broken bones (I wasn’t very good) but there were some awesome moments too:)
Marste – interesting about your fat intolerance. Does it have a name? I want to know more about that!
VaMomof2 – Yayayay about the gym! I’m so glad you are liking it. Don’t worry about TurboKick, it took me a solid month to feel comfortable in there. It is such a great workout!
Turbo Jennie – Raw hotdogs! My 3rd loves those! I kinda like raw potatoes too…
this post and all the comments is hilarious!
no raw beans for me, but I will own up to the raw cookie dough (with eggs, YUM!) and also frozen french fries.
as you can see, I tend to live on the unhealthy side of ‘wild’ when it comes to my food. 🙂
Here’s the oddest food combo I’m into right now. I realized I love the pickles and onions from a [tofu] burger the most so I’ll make a bowl of a wee bit of lettuce and tomatoes, scads of pickles and onions, a chopped up burger, a chopped up toasted piece of bread, and then swirls of honey mustard and ketchup on top. Sorta like a hamburger salad. It’s really good!
No real attack from health foods here- however, I have heard from multiple people, including doctors, that my skin is unusually orange- most likely from eating too many vegetables, i.e. carrots. Maybe the vegetables are attacking me- and one day I will become a carrot!
I ate several peanut butter flavored Luna bars in the couple days leading to their being added to the salmonella recall list. I haven’t gotten sick yet, but it was a BAD moment to see them being taken off shelves the next day…
I have a thing for eating butter too. Just hack a chunk off of the block, and get munching! Have to say that being dairy intolerant really doesn’t help the situation, so now I buy low fat spreads instead. Thay don’t taste the same so I’m not tempted to eat them! Also have a liking for cheese and golden syrup sandwiches…..Yum!!
Funny, I thought I was the only person who loves raw pasta (spaghetti noodles)! My other strangely delicious craving is nacho Doritos dipped in ketchup as a snack.
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When I was a kid I couldn’t decide whether I wanted cheese and tomato or cheese and jam, so I put all three on a sandwich and that became my staple lunch for years. I’m not sure at what point I stopped eating it but I tried it a couple of years ago to see what the big deal was and … it. was. GROSS!
*shudder*
Now, it’s cheese, tomato, marmite and sweet chilli sauce … hehehehe (only on toast for breakfast though and not very often!!!!)
Ive eaten Raw Kidney beans all my life and never been sick from them ever.
I mean straight out of the can raw!!
Ive eaten them all my life (Red kidney beans)
I have never ever gotten sick.
I mean i eat them straight out od the can
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I can’t eat avocado without getting terrible stomach pains, but I love them so much, I eat them anyways, just not as often as before.