Anyone curious as to what happens to the male anatomy when running in sub-zero temps? Sorry, can’t help you. How about what to do if an adorably squishy-wishy koala bear wanders into your back yard? Again, I have no idea. Even things that you’d think I’d know something about, like CPR – I am actually certified in both pediatric and adult and reup my certification every year – often fail me as evidenced by the time I was faced with a student having a stroke in my adult computer literacy class and my first instinct was to Heimlich the poor woman. What can I say? I’m not good in a crisis.
Therefore, in writing this blog, I usually try to stick to topics that I have some experience in. Me being me, this means a lot (okay, A LOT) of posts on fitness, a side order of food and nutrition, a smattering of sexual assault, a lot of whining about the State of Society and… eating disorders. Heck, I even went on TV (twice!), much to my parents’ chagrin, to talk about my crazy food issues.
So today I’m going to break with tradition and write about something I know absolutely nothing about. I’m really nervous since this topic is very sensitive and the last thing I want to do is proverbially Heimlich the stroke victim again. I wouldn’t normally touch something so far out of my purview except that I’ve been getting a lot of e-mails from you guys on this subject. And everytime I write about eating disorders, someone brings it up in the comments. (I’ve even e-mailed some of you asking you to share your personal experience but to no avail.) Misguided as I may be, I want to help. Today we’re talking Binge Eating Disorder.
What Binge Eating Disorder Is
One of the perks of having an internationally reknown professor for a father (besides advance copies of all the textbooks a geek girl could want, nevermind the fact that no matter how fast they come out they’re still 2 years obsolete thanks to the magic of the Internet) was all of the cool foreign food we got to eat. I remember being about 9 years old when I was first introduced to real Chinese won-tons. Words do not exist to describe their awesomeness. I snuck out of the grown-up chat room (known as the front room in those ancient days) and hid under the table. I ate the whole plate – probably 30 or so won-tons – by myself. And then I puked for the rest of the night.
That is what I think of when I think “binge.” That is not what we are talking about when we are speaking of binge eating disorder. Everyone has, at some point in their life, eaten past the point of fullness. Perhaps, like me, you’ve even eaten to the point of regurgitation. But for people with BED – approximately 3-5% of the adult population, making it by far the most prevalent of all the eating disorders – this does not even approximate their reality.
Simply put, BED is eating an unusually large amount of food (some websites estimate about 8,000 – 10,000 calories in one sitting) while feeling out of control eating, as if unable to stop and not taking any steps to purge afterwards. These occurrences happen at least twice a week for at least six months. Binge eating episodes can also be characterized by:
– Eating very quickly
– Eating alone to hide the behavior and/or the food
– Eating when not physically hungry
– Eating to the point of physical discomfort
– Feelings of extreme shame, embarrassment, depression and/or disgust after eating
I know that I’ve done all of these things – especially the last one! – and yet while I might off-handedly call an overeating episode a binge, it is not a disorder until it significantly affects your quality of life. All eating disorders ruin your physical and mental health.
What Binge Eating Disorder Is Not
1. Obesity. People with BED are often overweight or obese but they don’t have to be. Also, not everyone who is overweight or obese suffers from BED.
2. Gluttony. The term gluttony implies pleasure in the behavior. Some people overeat and love it – think the ancient Romans – but people with BED do not enjoy their food nor the process.
3. Depression. While people with BED are often depressed – as are sufferers of all eating disorders – it is not known whether the depression helps cause the BED or is an effect of it.
4. Weakness. It’s a disorder. And people in the throes of a binging episode are every bit as frightened and overwhelmed by their problem as anorexics or bulimics are of theirs. It’s not just a matter of willpower. Just like telling an anorexic to “just eat a sandwich already” doesn’t cure them, telling a person with BED to “just stop eating” is not helpful either.
5. Bulimia or Anorexia. It is true that part of bulimia is bingeing but a bulimic also purges. People with BED do not induce vomiting, take laxatives, over exercise or ortherwise purge after the binge episodes. Anorexics are also known to binge after prolonged periods of starvation but these bingeing episodes stop on their own once the anorectic’s weight reaches a healthy level.
6. A Female Problem. While women do account for slightly more of reported cases of BED, the numbers are pretty close. Men have this problem almost as frequently as women.
7. Cured by Dieting. In fact, chronic dieting can actually reinforce the binge eating pattern. Sufferers of BED often do need to lose weight but the emphasis should be on helping them overcome their eating disorder before putting them on a calorie-restricted plan.
What To Do if You Have Binge Eating Disorder
Sadly, BED is just not as “sexy” of an eating disorder as some of the others and so gets far less press, research money and public support. There are very few well done research studies available on treatment approaches to BED. The summary of the many (many) articles I read on the subject is basically to try it all and see what works for you. Some people have found a lot of relief with groups like Overeater’s Anonymous. Others have done well in traditional eating disorder therapies. And yet still other respond positively to medication.
Back when I was in treatment for my eating disorder(s), my therapist said something that I have found helpful ever since: that all eating disorders are a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Jack Nicholson and Howard Hughes notwithstanding, OCD is not just about hand washing and lock checking, rather it is about mitigating one’s anxiety (the obsessive thoughts) by performing a ritualized behavior (the compulsions). Where anorexics respond to their anxiety by strictly controlling their food, people with BED respond by overeating. It’s two sides of the same coin. I have spoke in the past about how I have had a lot of success managing my eating disorder and depression with CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and while I freely admit I am no expert in BED, I think it may be of use here as well.
But whatever you do, do something. If you recognize yourself or a loved one in these symptoms, please seek out aid. You are not alone. You can be helped.
Your Stories
To see what BED really looks like you can start here, with this powerful story about BED in the NY Times. But I’m hoping you all will help me put a face (even if it’s an anonymous one!) on this. You’ve proven in the past how much smarter and stronger and wiser and wittier you are than I am – a fact for which I am eternally grateful! – so please reach out here and share your experiences with BED. I know that there are some of you out there who are fighting this right now and despairing that you will never be able to overcome it. I also know that there are some of you out there who have overcome it. And I know that many of you have loved ones who are struggling with this as well. Or perhaps you would just like to offer encouragement and support. I’d love to hear from all of you.
Update: Reader Marste has generously offered to share her experience with bingeing with us. She has put it up on her blog and I highly recommend it! Her perspective and generosity of spirit are beautifully conveyed. I think many of you will find comfort in her story! Thank you Marste!
I think you covered this topic well considering that you don’t have personal experience with it. I don’t know how much personal experience I have with true BED, but I have a slightly less severe case. When I was anorexic I had tiny binges – a few tablespoons of peanut butter for example, but it felt like a huge huge binge at the time. In my recovery (and still now – I don’t know how much I believe in “recovered” ED patients – I think we are always in recovery) I had larger ones – quite often (I would say 5 times a week), but typically under 1,000 calories. I’m not sure what I’m trying to say here exactly… It has definitely affected my life. When I’m in binge mode I completely zone out and I kind of know what I’m doing but at the same time I don’t. I don’t know why it happens. I hate doing it, but at the same time I make excuses to do it – “I’m still underweight, so I need to gain. So I’m going to binge!!” – that kind of thing. Who knows. Maybe I’m still not eating enough and it’s just a side effect of the ED. Sigh. Thank you again for covering this topic. I’ll be back to see what other people comment about.
ooo good topic! Thanks Charlotte.
***EVERYONE PLEASE COMMENT BACK TO ME if you would be so kind!!***
I’m not classic anorexic, I lost about twenty pounds through very closely monitored calorie plan, but, as I’m an athlete,I NEVER went under 1800 cals a day. Not exactly starvation! Anyway,some days,even with that amount, I’d be so hungry/wanting foods that I would never allow myself to have:chocolate, peanut butter, bread, chips, cheees,and so on ad nauseum (….pardon the pun)that I’d binge. My latest was (in one sitting): five pieces of bread, half a stick of butter, two cans of tuna, three yogurts, two chocolate bars, a container of strawberries, and like a half container of cheese. That was post a full meal with dessert.
The catch? Before all this eating I also drank about 2 bottles of wine solo. Each and every single time I’ve ever binged it’s been after boozing. I’m not talking the one slice of pizza because I’m drunk eating, I mean the full blown episodes of 5-10 THOUSAND calories a session (one time I ate 7 protein bars while drunk….and I dipped them in peanut butter).
A few thoughts
1) I rarely drink…about once a month,and so binges are about, you guessed it, once a month
2)am I really not feeding myself so that my body’s physisological reaction is to overeat when it’s “permitted” to via drunken oversight mentality of “I don’t care that it has saturated fat I’m drunk I’m going to eat!”??? There’s definitely a sense of urgency to it, because I KNOW that once sober, my “chance” to eat those things is over.
It’s pretty scary, because I’ll wake up after such a debacle and there will just be a huge, huge mess in the kitchen and I’ll have NO idea what happened. I don’t even remember eating it (ESPECIALLLY since I actively hide wrappers/the evidence, another danger sign!). Typically I don’t even have trigger foods in the house to begin with, but whatever is at my disposal I’ll eat (example: protein bars).
Just as some added food for thought about my situation, esp. as it relates to alcohol….I never, ever overate when indulging in alcohol until I began to lose weight/count calories like a maniac. Also, I’m a very happy drunk and it’s not escapism in that I feel bad about myself/depressed or anything like that when drinking. In fact, I feel thin while drinking (how f’d up is that?!?!). The next day, however, I feel awful. Not even so much as “big,” but I feel unhealthy and like my arteries are clogged. My bmi is only 18 so I don’t feel fat as in large, but I feel fat as in I literally ate a pound worth of unhealthy calories so it must be pure fat on my otherwise fit body. I have never purged, although I do exercise with abandon, which some say is just an alternate form of purging. Thanks for providing the forum for this long, theraputic no doubt, musing. I know this isn’t your area of expertise, per se, but please, please feel free to comment on anything I’ve said. I’m sure email would be the preferred method of correspondence for such a specific, personal dialogue, but I’d like to remain anonymous.
You’ve done a really nice write up of BED. This is the one disorder I have experience with, having suffered from it for years not that long ago.
My problem started when I first moved 1500 miles away from home by myself, then my father died, then I got married and my new husband got shipped off to Iraq 2 weeks later. Oh, and this was my first year of graduate school. And several other bad things happened that year, too.
I’d come home from school feeling lost, angry, and tired, and just attack the pantry. Spoonfull after spoonfull of peanut butter, followed by whatever else I had on hand. Once, I ate an entire package of Oreos. I’d feel terrible, mentally and physically, and be even more upset that I couldn’t seem to overcome this behavior.
There wasn’t a defining time that things got better. It wasn’t until GP was safely back home and I’d dealt with the loss of Dad, subsequently reducing my stress and depression, that I was able to control the binging. GP’s support while I dealt with all of this over the next year was a big help. I’d never told anyone about it until GP caught me in the act.
This is a fascinating topic. I’ve always suspected that I have a bit of binge eating (or maybe compulsive eating) disorder, but I don’t really fit the symptoms listed here.
But as I eat food and I cross the line from eating too much to not being able to stop, I am afraid. It doesn’t feel like I’m in control of my body. I know what will happen and I know that I won’t be able to stop until the food is gone. That’s the only way to stop the binge is when the food runs out – I can’t do it myself. My most recent binge occurred when I was trying to apply for a job and the website had technical problems. Rather than just walk away, I spent three hours reformatiting and resubmitting my resume. I had a snack before I sat down to do this, and over the course of those three hours kept getting up to the cabinet to get more of the snack (the “out of sight out of mind” technique does not work for bingers). I woke up at 2 in the morning violently ill from all that I’d eaten.
I end up just being very controlled about my environment to manage this. I avoid potlucks/ buffets. I try not to bake things, if I do I give most of it away or reduce the amount the recipe makes. I buy stuff in small quantities that’s not easy to binge on (I once ate a loaf of wonderbread as a kid, which I think was my first binge. A package of whole wheat pitas aren’t nearly as satisfying).
For a moment there, I thought it was Crabby’s Christmas fantasy 🙂
I agree with you thst BED is a very serious, widespread problem. Food’s omni-presence in almost every aspect of our lives is more of a challenge than many can overcome. I wish society would be more helpful to all of us in dealing with this.
This is COMPLETELY off topic, but what you said about eating disorders as OCD was like a punch in the stomach that turned on a light bulb (made perfect sense, and I saw it instantly).
So I’ve never heard of BED before now but when I read this post something clicked, I can say yes to every one of those characterizations. The beginning of last year I was morbidly obese and decided to try to lose the weight, I lost about 65 lbs with diet and exercise after about the first 6 months but I started seeing a trend. Every weekend (I work a normal mon-fri day job) I would binge. For the first few months I thought it was because I was starving myself on the weekdays ( I was only eating about 1,000 cals a day) and so I started introducing a little more food into my daily life. But it just keeps getting worse. Every weekend I binge on probably 5,000 cals a day and now its happening on weekdays. I hate it, I hate doing it, it makes me feel sick before during and afterwards. I can feel them coming on and I have tried to eat vegetables instead of real food but that only lasts about 3 hours and then I just can’t control myself anymore.
So needless to say I’m starting to gain my weight back, slowly but surely. I’ve tried going to a therapist but couldn’t find one that I felt comfortable with. I’ve been a bulimic before and have contemplated starting again but haven’t gotten that desperate, my husband and I are really close and I don’t want him to know how f*cked up my relationship w/ food really is and I’m sure he would notice something’s amiss if I started puking every weekend. Maybe now I can put a name on it I can try something new.
Thank you for bringing this subject up. Also interested to hear if anyone else out there is like me.
My BED has been at its worst during times that my depression reared its head. Given that I spent a long time suffering through spells of depression with no awareness that I was depressed, the binging would go unchecked until my hormones sorted themselves out. I only started to get help about five years ago.
Now I’m more or less balanced and med-free (although I was on medication for some time, my depression is usually mild enough that I can treat it with more holistic methods), and thus more or less binge free. I also have mild anxiety disorder, although I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD. However, just like my hormones can always go amok, a binge is always a possibility.
A few specific comments to your info:
Being overweight or not – although I was heavier when I was binging, I was never more that a size 12.
My doctor didn’t diagnose a binge by the quantity of food consumed; rather, it’s the feelings associated with the event. I binge to become numb to ugly feelings, there’s a desperation to find the next food, I can be thinking about what I’m going to eat next while I’m eating, and I’ll eat things and combinations that I would never otherwise eat. Afterwards I feel out of control and ashamed, and have a hard rime remembering what I ate. So I can overeat at say Christmas dinner, but that’s not a binge, whereas I can eat only about 500 calories or so but due to the associated feelings it can be a binge.
If there’s any other information that I can provide, please contact me, Charlotte. I don’t claim to be an expert, but I can certainly talk about me and what I’ve learned.
Sadly, I have no insight on this matter. Though, I did find your post to be informative, relevant, and thought provoking.
I’m going to appologize in advance for the lengthiness of this post, as well as the lack of organization as I’m sure I’ll be all over the place.
I have a hard time categorizing myself as suffering from BED but have secretly researched it and found myself falling into many of the categories. As a little background, I was always overweight despite being involved in year round athletics simply because I never once took notice of how unhealthy I was eating. I wasn’t always comfortable with my weight, but for the most part I was content because of my involvement in sports. However, reaching college I really started to put more focus on my diet and as a result lost about 30 pounds. However, I did this through severe calorie counting and restriction (probably around 1,500 calories a day or less, which for a 5’10, 18 year-old, college basketball player going through 2+ intense workouts a day is definitely not nearly enough).
It was during this time of my life that the binging began. I can’t say for certain the amount of calories I was taking in, but it always occured late at night, in secret. There were certain foods I would gravitate towards, but ultimately I simply went through whatever I had in my apartment at the time. Because I would always try to shop healthy, I would rarely have appealing “binge food” in my house. Because of this there would be nights I would drive to the grocery store or convienence store by myself to pick up bags of chips, candy, etc. But to hide the amount of food I was eating, I would stop at numerous places as to not let the people checking me out see the crazy amounts of junk food I was buying. I’d go home and hide in my room and eat. Luckily for me (or not) my roommate was never around, so I had all the privacy I needed. I’ve gone so far as to steal food from my roommates when I ran out of my own food that I was craving. (That was really, really hard to admit.)
This has been going on for probably four years now, to some extent or another. Regardless of the fact that I have started eating normally and not restricting myself in any way, I still have the urge to binge, simply because of habit. Although my binges aren’t nearly as bad as they used to be, they still happen, and I still feel guilty about them. This is horrible for me because it is the one thing in my life I am ashamed about. I am not a secretive person, and having this on my shoulders makes me feel awful. Let alone the health implications it’s caused me. I’m not extremely overweight or obese because of this. In fact, I’ve managed to remain about the same weight for some time now amazingly. But it’s not about the weight. It’s about the emotional aspects of dealing with this and feeling like food will never just be a normal thing in my life. I wish there was some way for me to just eat when I’m hungry, stop when I’m full, and simply enjoy the foods I put into my mouth without all these other emotions that surround them.
So that’s my story. Not very pretty, and maybe I don’t really suffer from BED, but there’s something not going on quite right in my head and I supposed BED is the closest thing I have found to categorize what exactly it is. And putting a name to my problems at least makes me feel a little more normal and a little less alone in my struggles.
I have to say, I agree with Tricia, (as I don’t have this disorder) the thing I’m walking away stuck with is that eating disorders are a type of OCD. My hubby has OCD and I know it looks “crazy” and you just want to say stop doing that or of course it’s fine/clean/off etc. but that really doesn’t work and doesn’t help. I never thought of eating disorders in the same light. I probably would say something like “eat a cupcake” or “stop eating all the time” to people before you pointed out that connection.
So much information here- it’s a disorder that really SHOULD get more awareness, because you’re right, we don’t hear about it nearly as much as other eating disorders.
I think that the most I’ve binged (and by binge I mean in the way that you’ve described- alone, eating quickly, feeling guilty etc, rather than eating for pleasure/social reasons) has been about 1,500-2,000 calories in one go. And it felt really awful how out of control I was at the time. But clearly that’s nothing compared to having BED.
VERY interesting about eating disorders being related to OCD; I’ve wondered about that before.
A lot of what Loey said above really resonates with me.
Binge eating was a huge part of my life for most of my life. I rarely do it now, or, more accurately, a “binge” for me now is more on the order of a few hundred extra calories, but it still carries with it that feeling of absolute need to eat, lack of control, and regret.
It has always been worst with depression and anything like a traumatic event; it is still spurred by life events that make me feel out of control.
And as Maggie said, in the top comment, it used to let me zone out (which are the words my far-more-obese husband uses, too…). It would turn off my head and whatever bad things were going on in a way that nothing else could.
The funny (or, I suppose, good) thing is that it really doesn’t work like that any more. Not well, anyway. But the desire to be able to do it is still there to some extent.
I think that my ultimate fantasy along these lines… and it seems to me that people with other types of eating disorders say the same thing… is to feel like I have a normal relationship with food. That food is not an issue. I am not sure that I will ever get there.
You’re right about the diet induced binging. After about 8 months of trying to restrict my eating, I started having binge periods. Since I didn’t have ice cream or chocolate in the house I would eat bowls of cereal, cereal bars, peanut butter, cereal bars covered in peanut butter…you get the idea. I would sneak the food, and I knew I should stop, but the part of me that wanted to keep eating was louder. I sunk to a low when I actually left the house to walk to the store and ate two candy bars and a baskin robbins on the way home (it was four blocks).
I stopped restricting what I ate, and that helped a lot. I am cautiously counting calories again, because I gained all the weight back and then a few pounds, which doesn’t leave me happy either. I am making sure that I eat enough calories to help me not feel deprived. And I might have to stop above a “healthy” weight, because it might not be healthy for me to restrict my eating forever to stay there. I don’t know.
It’s such a hard balance to strike, and while I feel that my eating was (is) disordered, my binge periods were never as often or as prolonged as your clinical definition, so I feel lucky. The hardest part, I think, is the feeling of being out of control as you are dong something. It’s scary.
PS I listened to the guided meditation download tuesday in my armchair with my coffee next to me. I was so relaxed at the end I tried to pick up my coffee and managed to spill it. All over the carpet. Now I’m afraid to try again.
Hey Charlotte, I sent you an email. I used to be really badly off, though in recent years things are better. I found that Intuitive Eating helped a LOT: removing the “morality” from food, and recognizing that I was an adult, so I could eat whatever I wanted without guilt – that helped me a LOT. I found that I didn’t always NEED to binge in the same way. Initially I still overate, but as I really began to believe that I wasn’t a bad person for eating a half-gallon of ice cream (a sick-to-my-stomach person maybe, but not a BAD one, LOL), that half-gallon started to lose its allure. I still have good days and bad days, but the good days outnumber the bad ones now. Which is nice. 😉
(back to read the new comments)
Wow Charlotte – powerful post and comments. I’ve struggled with eating issues in the past, and I’m still pretty restrictive with my food intake, but I’ve never suffered from a binge eating disorder.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve “confessed” to bingeing, but to me that meant 6 squares of chocolate instead of the 3 I planned on eating or 2 TBSP of almond butter instead of 1. In the future I will think twice about these types of statements as it really is a serious problem for many people out there. Thanks for shedding some light!
A number of these posts really resonated with me. I don’t think my problem matches up with the definition of BED (I can often go weeks without a binge), but when I binge, I really binge. Thousands of calories within an hour is not an unusual experience. Always when I’m alone, usually in the evening (but if I can get away with it, I’m happy to stuff myself during the day as well). The wacky thing is that I can actually feel a binge coming on. I’ll be leaving work, and I’ll have a frantic need to seek out binge foods (generally carbs like chips and bread and pastry). I’ll buy them and take them home with me, inhale them, and throw out the evidence before my husband gets home. KNOWING in advance that I’m walking into this, and KNOWING the physical, mental and emotional “bad place” indulging will leave me, I still do it. For me,the experience of eating that much in one sitting is part of the pleasure. It’s sick, but true. When I’m eating healthy for weeks on end, I feel great, but I actually miss the sensation of eating and eating and eating – fast and furious, until you literally can’t eat any more. I’m recovering from 4 horrible weeks of recurrent binges now, and based on past experience I know I need to go at least 2 weeks without a binge to get “stable.” It’s making it through those 2 weeks that’s so hard. It’s definitely a horrible feeling to be so enslaved to food, and to hurting myself. Because that’s what a binge does – short term AND long term pain. Thanks for posting about something that seldom gets covered.
I think it’s a rare person who doesn’t have food issues. Our food supply is so full of new ingredients that cause real chemical reactions in our bodies and brains that our logical minds have trouble accounting for. What’s hunger? What’s a craving? What does my body really need to make it happy? How about my mind?
I don’t have BED as described above but I do have a lot of eccentric food behaviors (stockpiling and hiding food, “closet” eating, calorie counting) and fears. Fear that I’ll start eating and not be able to stop, for one.
To anyone with food issues – you’re not alone. Not by a long shot. And you’re not weak. It could happen to anyone. I don’t have any answers. I try to ask my body what it really wants but it’s always a bit murky in its answers. I try to eat healthy foods regularly and avoid my tendency to stave off eating “so I can eat more later” because I’m afraid of what that could turn into.
I try to face my fears by allowing myself to eat all I want of something straight out of the container sometimes. Or I’ll have a planned snack binge where I line up a good number of various goodies and make it somewhat hard to access more, even if it’s just putting a stuffed animal in front of the cabinet to remind me I had decided to only have this pile of treats, knowing that I would want more when I was done but not wanting to hurt myself and give myself a belly ache.
Stuff like this has actually worked for me. I find myself less and less living for the moments I’m alone and can really dig into some sneaky snacks. I’ve been eating more (I was restricting calories for many months to lose weight) and I haven’t gained weight. I’ve been eating around people more, less afraid of their judgement and less wishing they were gone so it could be just me and the food.
It’s reading stuff like this that has helped me get better – knowing that it happens to lots of us. Thanks everyone.
oh, my BED started in a relationship i knew i should get out of but didn’t. it was harmless. then a few other things happenned and this became the way i delt with it. I knew when i was doing it, knew i wanted to stop, hated myself for it. eventually it turned to another disorder. now i’m grasping for control, trying to get back to the happy, healthy me that loved life…
just wanted to say thanks to everyone for sharing their stories. it was very brave, and i sincerely hope that everyone finds what they need to recover from this disorder.
The thing that concerns me is the set of “rules” that textbooks, doctors, websites, etc. have for defining an eating disorder. When I was in the middle of mine, I was able to fool myself that I wasn’t bulimic (and then anorexic) because I didn’t fit all the criteria.
I think the same can be true with BED: a person may binge, but only on, say, 700 calories as opposed to thousands. Or they may binge on “healthy” foods and tell themselves that it doesn’t count as a binge because there was no junk involved. They will still feel awful, still keep it a secret, but might not recognize it for what it is.
I personally believe that a binge is a binge if it FEELS like a binge. Regardless of the quantity of food. If we are consistently eating for reasons other than physical hunger, and we feel shame over our eating, then something is definitely wrong. Maybe it’s not a clinically recognized ED, but there is an issue there, all the same.
Like Marste, Intuitive eating (as well as reading “Overcoming Overeating) has helped me a lot. I find I need to get away from the idea of
good” foods and “bad” foods, as well as placing judgement on myself or anyone else for what we eat.
I have to pay attention to how I feel. To know that my emotions aren’t going to kill me. And also know that a meal from the drive-through won’t make me feel as good, physically, as something I make at home. But I’ll still visit the drive-through every once in a while. And that’s OK!
There are a few anonymous comments I’d like to address at once:
Since I don’t know if some of you posted twice, I have to do it this way—
A few of you definitely have criteria that matches Binge eating disorder. You stated that you don’t think you meet the criteria because your binges are not 2x week. However, this part of the ED criteria is debatable. In the DSM-IV TR (which is what counselors/psychologists currently use), you can have an eating disorder listed as NOS (not otherwise specified). This basically means that you meet the first two major criteria–recurrent episodes of binge eating AND eating until uncomfortably full, more rapidly than normal, and alone. The other criteria do not have to be met. Thus, it is categorized as NOS. I suspect there are a lot of people like you with BED that also do binge less frequently but in the same BIG way. Just as there are people addicted to substances that can go a month or more and then have a binge spree. It’s not about the time but the act–and that it’s repeated.
There is much more I could say, but it is against my personal ethics (i am a counselor) to give more than advice. Eating disorders of all kinds are very serious and almost always require professional help. I suggest in the least you join a support group. Being open about it and acknowledging that it’s a problem is a great first step! It’s really hard to admit to having an eating disorder. I suggest the next babystep might be to research a local counseling center or support group.
Wow – the “what Binge eating is not” section was interesting…
And thanks for the link! I do what I can!…
Wow, that (and the link to the other blog) was really enlightening. The idea of eating THAT much, and barely even remembering is so surreal. Perspective is a good thing! And yeah, it sounds as closed-minded to say just stop eating as it does to tell an anorexic to eat something, a smoker to just quit, or a workaholic to just go home when the whistle blows. It’s the mental part of the problem, covering up insecurities, filling holes in your life, and that’s really what needs to change, not any sort of willpower…
Thanks for writing about this, Charlotte! Your post gave me a lot to think about…it described a lot of the behaviors I was doing but have changed, and I sometimes worry about them recurring. I’ll definitely be checking out the Beck book.
I’m not sure I’ve ever reached the “disorder” level but I know enough about binging to say that it is amazing how much food a body can hold without ever feeling full. Many people who binge describe eating to fill a hole but the whole is bottomless. Or they eat to feel numb, and it works, physically, because you taste nothing, you barely even feel the food in your mouth. And I’ve been in the trance before and it is scary. I’ve seen the bowls, forks, and cups pile up around me as I feel panicked, wondering why I can’t stop. As a rule I don’t keep fun foods on hand to reduce my binges but when one hits it doesn’t matter what the food is. I could tell you some pretty crazy concoctions I’ve made just to have something to shove in my mouth. I’ve often related my binge feelings to mini suicides. It isn’t pretty.
Here is a sample binge:
You make a pound of spagetti and cover it in a whole jar of sauce, but it doesn’t fill the void so you add 1/2 pound of cheese, but it still doesn’t work because you still aren’t happy/satisfied, so you make cinnamon toast, but you must not have made it right because it didn’t work, so you make more, with twice the butter and twice the sugar, and you eat peanut butter while it toasts, but the peanut butter doesn’t have any taste so you squirt chocolate sauce on it but it doesn’t taste like the Reeses Peanut butter cup you were imagining, you remember that you have some cool whip in the fridge and cool whip on pie has made you happy before (though it was probably the company you were sharing it with that made you happy, but there is no company to share it with now, which is probably why you are so sad… SHUT UP AND EAT!!!) but you don’t have pie to put it on, but you do have saltine crackers, maybe that will taste like crust. Close enough! Wolf down cool whip with crackers and chocolate sauce before toast is done. You don’t dare miss with the cinnamon toast this time so you also make bread with butter and jelly and you grab the pickles while you are getting the jelly. Butter gets on your finger and you lick it off, you remember eating butter as a kid so you eat butter. Then you remember eating the butter and sugar when making cookies and so you mix butter with sugar and eat it…
And it goes on and on till the food runs out, you become to exhausted to continue, or someone is about to catch you (kids or husband coming home). Then you clean up the mess as fast as you can. Because once the evidence is gone you can shove it to the back of your mind as some weird/bad day occurance and assure yourself you won’t ever do that again. But you do.
Can I just be BE sans D? I love to binge eat, and while I do everything on that list, I love to eat even while I loathe that I am weak. I have never, ever, binged to the point of illness, nor anywhere close to that amount of calories. But I do my mini loss of control every so often. The older I get, the more the loss of control is ridiculously small, like a few extra cookies when I shouldn’t have even eaten one. So am I BE or not to BE? That actually was a question due to punctuation, though probably not very funny.
I think of myself as having had BED, though my binges were probably 2-3000 cals, so I guess I feel lucky? Anyway, I wanted to respond to the first anonymous who binges when drinking. You can either: 1. Stop drinking. 2. Eat those things you only eat while drinking in moderation at other times, so you won’t go for them when your defenses are down. 3. Drink more often so that it doesn’t have that effect.
I personally suggest #2.
It is a relief to know that I am not alone.
Is there a website somewhere where we can check in with a daily log of moral support/controlled eating/abstinence? I know that sounds like Overeaters’ Anonymous, but I would like something online.
I was overweight 10 years ago, and for about 8 years I worked very hard to be healthy and lean (lost 70 lbs, did lots of yoga, hiked, carved the body like a trophy). Ultimately I worked my way into ‘athletica anorexia’ after a series of personal traumas. Four hours a day of exercise, not a lot of food, clinical depression and anxiety, barely functional, grieving, total OCD.
With counselling help I managed to work through the personal issues, bit by bit. I started to eat again, but when you feed your body again, your brain and emotions wake up and you have a lot of reality to deal with, and a lot of excess energy. I was trying to stay thin (about 16% body fat after being 10% body fat), but I knew I couldn’t keep the weight off and stay as lean as I was.
I started to ‘binge’ to deal with anger and anxiety. Cookies. Sometimes chocolate. It had a nasty-drug like affect on my brain – when I used to get ‘high’ and escape by being starved and exhausted and delusional that I least I ‘looked good’, now sugar and carbs gave me a lovely hit of seratonin and dopamine. There were times when I was paranoid and out-of-mind with the sugar highs and lows.
(Of course I didn’t take antidepressants because I was worried about weight gain and their addictive properties.)
Anyway, you guessed it, all my will power to run off the junk disappeared…
Anyway, now the binging has become a bad habit. I need to cut out the sugar and white flour, it is like heroin. I’ve gained 40-ish pounds in the last 4 months, I just gave up trying to hold it all together.
I’ve gone too far to the other side. I am avoiding people who knew me during my ‘athletic days’ because I have so quickly ballooned.
I need to restart healthy living, but I have this ‘resentment’ inside, and I associate ‘restraint’ and ‘exercise’ with the old slavery.
Is there anyone else who is trying to recommit to a disciplied balanced healthy approach, and is fighting with a weird mix of relief (so this is what it feels like to be fat and relaxed all the time…)self-loathing (oh my god my face is huge, my body is too big, too weak; and I really should stop being so self-absorbed and hiding from the world), laziness and avoidance as well?
It would be nice to know that there is a support group out there, with daily touch points.
thanks
Anonymous – I’m so glad you found some comfort here! I can say definitively that you are *not* alone in this. I am sorry to tell you though that I don’t know of any support groups online specific to what you are looking for. I am sure they exist but I don’t know what they are. I would suggest starting with Overeater’s Anonymous and checking through their resources. Good luck and I hope you find the help you are looking for!
Thank you so much for providing very informative and relevant post on binge eating disorder.
Good Stuff!!
Anonymous from February 18th, I know exactly how you feel. My BED reared its ugly head after I completed an extreme exercise and diet program that advocated very strict diet 6 days out of the week, then eating whatever you wanted, however much you wanted one day a week. The rigid exercise schedule and way of thinking about food really stuck in my head and became somewhat of an obsession. By the end of the program, I had lost 25 pounds in 3 months and was more proud of my body than ever before, but also more terrified of losing that body than ever before.
On top of that constant new anxiety, a series of life traumas led me into a deep depression and I turned to food compulsively to cope. I remember eating so much that my stomach would hurt, and waiting for it to stop hurting enough that I could eat more until it was bursting again. I would find my legs moving me towards the kitchen even though my mind was begging not to go, it was like I wasn't in control of my own actions, like I had no say in the matter. I remember crying in the kitchen during one binge episode with the sixth granola bar in hand just thinking "I don't want to do this!" but feeling powerless to stop. Most of all, I remember an overwhelming sense of anxiety before binging, general emptiness or emotional numbness during binging and extreme guilt, shame, disgust and hopelessness afterward. It's hard to believe that I was the same person looking back…
It was good to be diagnosed, knowing what you're facing makes it easier to face. I did CBT and group therapy with other women suffering from EDs that helped me to normalize my issues and feel like less of a freak.
I had to let go of the desire (compulsion) to lose weight and get back in the great shape that I was in because dieting seemed to trigger more BED events. For a long time I was afraid to try to lose weight. I thought I'd be stuck in the ravaged body forever, but looking back, giving up dieting for a while was the best decision I could have made. It gave me the chance to focus on the real issues that I was sweeping under the rug of my all-consuming weight loss efforts. As I got a better handle on my BED through journaling, self-reflection and learning new coping mechanisms I started to see it as a possibility.
It's been three years now and I'm trying the Weight Watchers approach, which is pretty level headed, flexible and forgiving of "mistakes". I can't say that it has been a perfect journey, but I do know that once you start seeing things in less black and white terms attempting weight loss becomes less scary, less "urgent" and more of a process of observation and adaptation. I still binge from time to time, maybe once every few months, but it's far from controlling my life the way it did back in 2007.
Wow, Ashley.. I am in the exact same spot as you.. but let me tell you.. time will help heal.. I am looking for answers as well.. All I can say is to keep doing what your doing and dont give food too much thought.. It eventually will start to dissipate and your cravings will eventually come back to normal.. but for this time period I would suggest talking to friends and finding people who like you for you!
This month, February 2011, I will be featuring my story for the first time about Binge Eating Disorder at http://www.adventureswithjen.com
Thanks…