Some days are easy workout days. Which is fine. I have learned – many times over as I am a remarkably slow learner – that you don’t have to hammer yourself on every workout. Last week was one of those weeks where I had blood-sweat-and-tears workouts on six out of six days. (More on that later.) So it was only appropriate that today’s workout, a la The Monkey Bar Gym, was giggly, girly and short.
We started out with a lesson on kipping pull-ups. For the uninitiated, kipping pull-ups are used in everything from functional fitness workouts to CrossFit to playground double-dog dares. The gist is that you swing your body back and forth, using your momentum to help get your chin over the bar. They are supposed to be easier than normal start-from-a-dead-hang pull-ups. Which I suppose they would be if I had any coordination.
Kipping pull-ups are my fitness Waterloo – in my previous life as a gymnast, we used to do “kip-ups” as a way to swing into a starting position on the low bar. I loved kip-ups. They were even, dare I say it, easy. Which is probably why I am so frustrated that kipping pull-ups are completely beyond me. Anyhow, I am determined that I shall do a kipping pull-up someday and in the meantime am dragging all the Gym Buddies along on my quest for true pull-up mastery.
My How-To seminar was clicking along nicely until we hit a snag: nobody could even figure out how to do the kipping pull-up prep. Gym Buddy Lisseth tried to help me out by starting out spread-eagled in the squat cage and then jumping up at the bar with both her arms and legs bent. What we got was a hanging, grunting crotch shot. “What are my legs doing?” she screamed. “It’s like I’m giving birth!!” (It’s true – her knees were up by her ears, just like you see in birthing class… except she was hanging from a bar.) This caused the rest of us – pregnant and non-pregnant alike – to fall on the floor laughing so hard that visions of leaky waterballoons danced in our heads. You’ve heard of water births. Prepare for the next wave of SuperMamas: air birthing.
I’m afraid that the laughter only intensified when a kind-hearted but equally clueless man came over to help us figure out the kipping pull-up. You think a woman air birthing is awesome? Try a man. Not only did I pee a little but by I cried a bit too.
Since we weren’t getting much of a workout – except for our abs, those sure were worked good! – we decided to move to handstand push-ups. Silliness reigned however and after a few half-hearted tries we switched to a plain old 5th-grade handstand contest. Gym Buddy Krista scared us all by falling over backwards, only to redeem herself with a neatly executed tuck-and-roll. We clapped and cheered (and got more of The Look) like we were 10 and the Jonas Brothers had popped in for a round on the ellipticals. Gym Buddy Allison impressed everyone with her snazzy workout socks that we never get to see because for some crazy reason we usually have our shoes on before almost taking out a random elderly woman. Did I mention we were doing our handstands in the alcove at the top of the stairs? Ahem. Gym Buddy Megan, busily gestating, did not do handstands but assured us the fetus was. And for my grand finale, I did an impressive backwards handstand walk… all the way into the closed elevator. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a bruise.
I think our workout today can be summed up by saying half the gym thought we were better than Comedy Central and were thisclose to throwing dollar bills at us while the other half wanted to kill us and are probably blogging about how to hide our bodies as we speak.
How does one redeem oneself from such a workout? By telling you what we did last week. Gym Buddy Shalom – she of the 4 minutes of Bosu ab hell – challenged us to do The Hardest Strength Workout Ever. She got it from one of her classes that she’s taking for her Exercise Science degree. It is 33 minutes of pain, people. But we did it. And now I’m challenging you.
The Muscle Endurance Workout
Perform each exercise without stopping for one minute. If you or anyone in your group stops to rest, you must start the minute over. Take a 30-second break between each exercise. Perform the exercises in the order they are written. Weights listed are for women, men need to up theirs accordingly. Try not to weep. Especially when you get to #12. PS> Go potty before you start. Especially if you’ve birthed children.
1. Lateral raises (8 lbs)
2. Tricep dips with legs extended
3. Hammer curls (10 lbs)
4. Pec deck flys (25 lbs on the machine or 15 lbs in each hand if using free weights)
5. Lat pull downs (40 lbs)
6. Jumping squats
7. Push ups
8. Plyo box jumps (just jump onto a tall step or weight bench. Take off with both feet and land with both feet.)
9. Jumping jacks
10. Jump rope
11. Step ups
12. Bench jumps (place hands on weight bench or high step with both legs on one side. Jump both legs together over the bench to the other side. Immediately jump back. Repeat.)
13. Plank
14. Crunches
15. Mountain climbers
16. Hanging calf raises
17. Split squat jumps
18. Weighted ball twists
19. Pilates one hundred (go the full minute – not just until you count to 100, you wuss.)
20. Tricep hover (also known as the Really Hard Part of chaturanga push-ups)
21. Skull crushers (8 lbs each hand)
22. Barbell bicep curl (20 lbs)
So, who’s going to give it a try? Anyone help us out with the kipping pull-ups??
I hurt just reading that workout.
Sure, I’ll try it. But only if I can modify it to 20 seconds per exercise. No, make that 10.
I’m sad that I have to sit at my boring desk and boring work while you guys are tearing up the Y. One day, I’ll have to play hookie and come play with you. (Hmm…ditching work to work out? Yikes!)
Is this the workout that made Krista’s legs into Jell-o? I’ll pass for now, but save it for a day when I’m feeling more adventurous. (Like in a year or two?)
~Michelle~
OMG, that girl in the middle at the beginning had to be on speed!!!
Sounds intense! I would love to try it. By the way, don’t ever compare yourself to G. again. You are nothing like him. You would never prey on anyone.
you lost me at jumping squats.
Holy crap. My brain automatically goes “see challenge, will accept” haha. I’m not sure what a couple of those exercises are and I’ve only got 8 lbs weights, but I am going to give this a shot tomorrow morning (and adapt any exercises as needs be to accommodate for not having the equipment etc). I shall report back when it’s completed!
Also, those pull ups sound awesome.
I wish you were my neighbor.
It took me ever so long to figure out the kipping pull up (I could do like 5 dead hangs, no kippings) but one day *ding* it just clicked. I swear it took me a year. Just keep trying and one day you will get it. (I was a gymnast as well…clear you mind! Forget anything you know about Kips).
I was tempted for a minute to take up your challenge and then my sanity returned and the men in white coats breathe a sigh of relief and left the building.
There are a few exercises in there that I’ve told my trainer are off-limits if he doesn’t want to die, namely box jumps – he tends to want to get to jump more than half my height. That’s when my killer instinct arrives and I glare.
Formidable and frightening 🙂
Looks like “No pain, no gain,” is alive and well in Minnesota!
Man, that does sound like a tough work out! I’ll have to keep it in mind for when I need a quick but killer workout.
Can’t help with the pull ups. I too lack the essential coordination required for such moves.
Kipping pullups are my kryptonite too! I can do dead hangs and I can kip multiple times with a band. Without the band, I just can’t get it right. It is almost as if I don’t have the strength to make it to the top of the bar which isn’t true.
Maybe you can try it with a band first so you can get the swing down without adding the strength part. It might help you!
Ooh, I am so there on trying that workout. But probably tomorrow as today’s a recovery day for my upper bod.
I’ll try to do the ones I know (so not skull crushers and hanging calf raises).
And I’d never heard of kipping pull ups.
I loved the post, but that list made me want to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head. Easily Intimidated today for some reason. It’s hard to think about exercise when the brain is trying to crawl out of the warm cave of sleep into the cold light of day.
Charlotte, don’t know how else to contact you. You won a prize on the LDS Fiction site. You need to go there and click on my email and send me your snail mail address. You’ve got till the end of the week or the prize will be given to someone else.
LDSP
Okay! I just finished doing your workout with only a couple of modifications. That was awesome. Heart the boot camp style! (my arms kinda feel like jelly. I’m not entirely sure how I’m typing right now)
Ow. just…ow. That workout sounds like pure pain. I’m sure it does wonders for your strength, but I honestly don’t think I’m up to it yet! Maybe in another six months ^_~ You guys are rock stars for doing that!
-Meg
Love the suggested workout–reading it, that is.
No way is that gonna happen in my life, but I’m way impressed that you can do that.
Yikes!
WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!
I woke up this morning and thought “I’m gonna need a lighter workout today. Maybe a walk and some easygoing yoga.” then I read this post. Part of me is saying “Ooh, yeah, let’s try that!” while the other part is saying “What are you, nuts? Fuggedaboudit!”
I think I WILL try it.
Eventually.
Probably.
Maybe.
I still haven’t gotten my kip perfected…I can do deadhangs and I can kip with a band but I can’t figure out my body mechanics to kip without the band…But, there’s a video on the Crossfit Journal that breaks the kip down into parts that may help you better understand it:
http://journal.crossfit.com/2008/09/the-boz-todd-experience—episode-1-part-1.tpl#featureArticleTitle
You need a subscription to the Journal but there’s lots of good info there so worth the $25/year.
oo oo, I want to try this at local playground and have the “hot moms” gape and glare at the adult frolicking about (which scenario I seem to be involved in at least once daily).
I totally feel you on lighter/heavier workout days. Yesterday was a prime example. A friend asked me to go on a 5 mile hike. I said, “got any more stupid questions?” and off we went. Well–and basically I know this will come across as snobby fitness–it turns out that she and I differ in what the term “hike” entails. We basically went on a walk (aka flat ground) in the woods. The mileage was about 5 in the loop, but we also got lost, so we walked (briskly at least) for a total of about 2 hours and forty-five minutes. I had no more free time that day to exercise and it made me furious! I felt like I “wasted” a day. Yesterday was supposed to be just any ol workout day ,and instead I didn’t workout AT ALL. This is interesting because just as I’m mulling over in my head how I can make up for the fact, my friend says in the car, “boy what a good workout that was” What’s your take? does it count? what activity/bodily motion will you count as “real” exercise (disclaimer–I know this will be different for everyone, and for some people walking even ten minutes is an awesome start, a little bit at a bit and such, etc etc)? I mean Charlotte, High Priestess of the Y, what activity do you personally include under exercise? I’m really curious! Sorry about the long post!
Oh my gosh…I’m sore just reading about this. I’m not making any promises for this week, but I’ve definitely got it bookmarked. Thanks Charlotte – I love stuff like this!
I’m not allowed to do #’s 6, 8, 12 or 15… otherwise I’d be all over it.
Holy. CRAP.
Having said that, I might try this, just for the heck of it. it looks like it would make me super-sore, and I don’t feel like I’ve really had a workout if I can still move the next day, you know? (Is it sad that I’m not kidding, LOL?)
Looks killer. I’ll give it a try someday when I’m not laid out on the couch…
And ah…I remember kipping pullups. Definitely not the same as kips. Kips were the bane of my existence for the longest time when I was a young gymnast. Full on floor? No problem. Kip? Fail.
Ok, plyo box jumps SKEER me. Trainer Adam had me trying them a while back.. before I did the first one, I told him my locker number and where to find my medical card.
those box jumps are in the same catagory…
Also, a minute of pushups?? And what are tricep hovers?
I’m fit and healthy, but this workout just might kill me.
I know it works but it is hard to get yourself to do consistenly. Great ideas!!
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