April’s Great Fitness Experiment is going to be a little… different this month. See, when explaining my new Experiments to people, invariably someone always says to me, “Well my 80-year-old Grandpa smokes a pack a day, eats two slabs of bacon for breakfast, only runs if someone’s chasing him and he’s the healthiest, happiest man I know!” Other iterations include, “Well my neighbor lost 180 pounds by switching from soda to juice!” and “Cindy Crawford walks her dog a couple of times a week, splurges on hamburgers and she looks awesome!” and my favorite, “You worry too much! I eat whatever I want and play tennis twice a year and I’m still 96 pounds, just like I was in high school!” After years of dismissing the speakers as whack-jobs, sadists or just deluded, it occurred to me that maybe they have a point. What, exactly, would happen if instead of following all the rules, I broke them? It certainly seems to work for some people. Heck, that Supersize Me guy even got a book deal and his own TV special out it!
While I am generally healthier than I used to be, I still haven’t been able to attain my goals. Perhaps it’s because I’m trying the wrong things. Besides, have you read a health/fitness magazine article lately or listened to an interview with a self-proclaimed expert? Here’s a round-up of my fave tips this month (and by favorite I mean, make me want to tear my hair out):
1. “I buy a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, eat two bites – really savor them! – and then throw it in the garbage so I’m not tempted to come back to it later.” ~ Random Starlet (Dear Hollywood: Please keep comments like this to your neurotic selves. This is why the rest of the world hates us. Thank you.)
2. “Use a fabric-covered scrunchie to prevent hair breakage when pulling your hair back for a workout.” ~ Shape Magazine (Aside from the questionable aesthetics of wearing a scrunchie outside of any decade with Prince in the top ten, they’re really not very functional – they slip and slide right out of your hair! Am I the only one old enough to remember that?)
3. “Grab this Puma gym bag – a steal at $225 dollars – rather than using a pricier bag. Bonus: it’s so chic, it can double as a purse for a night out!” ~ Fitness Magazine (Two questions, Fitness: 1) Who buys a gym bag pricier than $225? Seriously. Something is not “a steal” merely because more expensive items exist. 2) What does one do with their stinky sneakers and sweaty gym duds during their night out?)
4. “I run for 45-60 minutes on the treadmill every day and slashed my calories to 1200.” Valerie Bertinelli to People magazine on how she got her bikini bod back in time for her 49th birthday and their cover shoot. (Valerie: The miracle plan you are on? Is called a crash diet. It will soon betray you. Grow up and realize that if the best thing you can say about being 49 is that you can still wear a bikini, then you haven’t accomplished much in your half century on earth.)
So you see why it might be prudent to ignore their advice. Besides, who doesn’t love random anecdotes? For the month of April, I’m eating chocolate for 3 meals a day, skipping breakfast and calling my stroll to the mailbox my workout. In my free time I’m going to start a celebrity blog. Who’s in with me?
This April Fool’s day reminder brought to you by the Health & Fitness Industries of America.
PS) April’s real new Great Fitness Experiment will be posted tomorrow… sorry, couldn’t resist;) Did I fool anyone? Even for a second?? Please!?!?
Why temp yourself with Ben and Jerry’s. Once you have a couple bits its over.
You fooled me for a second. I was like miss breakfast you have to be kiddin.
Made perfect sense to me 🙂
Whaddya mean April Fool???
Oh, the cruel Reality of it all…
I was actually dissapointed when I got to the end. That would be an awesome experiment!
I thought you were going to say you were going to eat anything your kids eat and not get on a scale or write down anything about any workouts all month- just do what feels good- that’d be a good experiment 😉
I don’t like people who waste perfectly delicious ice cream.
Why don’t you try hedonism? Just for a week? I think chocolate 3 meals a day is a terrific idea!
Ok, I’m partially joking. Can’t wait to see what the real experiment is.
number one is my husband.
entirely.
OOOH DOES THAT MEAN I SHOULD SHIP HIM TO H-WOOD?
and April whatwhat?
isnt it the 32nd of march today?
Oh, how I love you.
I think I’ll have peanut butter and raw cookie dough for every meal, and call taking the dog out my workout.
Now, where did I put all those scrunchies from 1989?
Unbelievably, you actually had me right until “calling my stroll to the mailbox my workout” … I knew you could never skip a month of workouts.
This sounded a little too off the bat, even for you! I didn’t think you’d be able to NOT workout 😛
But really, SCRUNCHIES?!?
I’m with Alina – you totally had me up till the mailbox thing. *laughs*
Also, I now totally want a pickle hat. TEMPTRESS.
You fooled me for a second! I actually thought it seemed like a pretty good idea, too!
You are too funny! 🙂
LOL!!
I always thought what you have been doing all along on TGFE was hedonism!
But then I’m strange…
I think I would feel guilt nonstop and end up on antidepressants if I let myself follow the “hedonist” plan!
and I loved the scrunchie comment! lol
Herbalife & Merry – Gotcha! Hee:)
Spring Girl – Well, maybe I'll have to try that one for May!
Chilerocks – that's def. my end goal, girl but sadly I don't know how to do that yet. I don't trust myself.
Toots – I feel the same way about wanton wastefulness!
Miz – Yes, yes, the 32nd of March!
Gena – and I love YOU! I'm in with you for the cookie dough!
Alina & Gemfit – you guys know me way too well! And of course you're right. I'd go nuts in 3 days.
Tami – Sadly, I want one of those hats too.
Jen & Trish – Hee:)
Dr. J- Well, yeah, you are weird but I wasn't going to point that out;)
Fit Mama – I'm with you. I don't think I could ever really do it!
I was agreeing with you until you listed what you were planning for the experiment. I agree that some “rules” are stupid.
I thought you were going to do what would make you happiest for a month.
I think it’s hilarious that so many people immediately recognized that for a health blogger to consider eating and behaving like a “normal” American, even as temporary experiment, it must be an April Fool’s prank.
Most of the folks out there eat whatever they want every day, and consider a walk to the mail box enough exercise for a week!
Hey I really like the idea of having chocolate for three meals a day. If I walked to my mail box, I would consider it my exercise for the day. But then, it’s about 5 miles away. Does nearly having a heart attack when a car suddenly comes around a curve and narrowly misses you count as aerobic exercise?
I was fooled and was (sadly) anticipating future posts on the unpleasing aspects of the results. I was also curious though — maybe you would decide to stay on the chocolate diet! (sounds great!)
Also, don’t overlook that the SuperSize It guy had some pretty horrific health consequences to deal with (along with the book and movie). I’m not saying there were no perks, just keep them in perspective 🙂
HAHAHAHA! I was hopeful, but then I remembered…if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is! I would have loved to join in on this experiment! 🙂
You fooled me. Considering that all those adorable and tempting Easter chocolates are EVERYWHERE, the idea of eating chocolate at every meal sounded quite plausible.
My experiment will be to see if I can make my Easter basket last longer than a day or two.
Ha. Sorry, but you didn’t fool me. When I read your new experiment, I instantly thought, “No way, she’s lying.”
See you tomorrow Charlotte. 🙂
LOVE the comment on Valerie Bertinelli!!!! Seriously, At 49 she should know better than to place all her self-worth on her size. But then, she’s been in Hollywood most of her life.
I’ll never understand why people want to learn “Stars’ diet tricks!” the “tricks” are starvation, vomiting, drugs, and overexercising.
OK, end of rant.
LOVE this post! And you had me fooled almost ’til the end!
Sorry, Charlotte, after my husband told me this morning that the stock market dropped 2,000 points, I’ve been kinda skeptical of things I’m encountering today. 😉 I wasn’t fooled, but it was a fun read all the same.
don’t make it April fools. Sounds like wonderul torture.
Why is it called “HE” donism anyway? What about Shedonism, huh?
Oh how I wish this wasn’t April Fools day and you were being SERIOUS because then I could join you in this experiment (or you me, because I’m already on this plan right now:-)
You had me going at the beginning. I hoped you were going to talk me out of my crazy adventure this month but no dice. You are the first (and only, I hope) April fools joke today! Can’t wait to see the real one tomorrow.
And I still use scrunchies. I didn’t realize that was so horrible! What else am I supposed to put my beastly mop up with? At least they aren’t neon colors! 🙂
haha you didnt really fool me, I was just confused. I couldnt figure out what the actual “experiment” was going to entail.
Cant wait for tomorrow!
You’re too OCD for this to have been real, but I did find it amusing.
Ok, you totally had me going! I was about to leave you a comment ripping you to shreds 😉
Can’t wait to hear about the REAL experiment!
Ok, I don’t get what the problem is with Valerie B. So she wanted badly to be fit and look pretty. Maybe wanted it obsessively.
Are there people posting here who are religious about their workout/ calorie counting/ foods? Why is it that if Valerie does it, she needs to grow up and realize her self-worth is not dictated by her body fat composition? It seems to me a tad hypocritical and judgmental — look at the comments here: “Oh Charlotte, we know you’re too OCD to not go to the gym and just do what feels good.” No one is telling Charlotte to “grow up” and get over her desire to have a fit body and go eat gummy worms with her kids already.
I like this site, but I think given its slightly obsessive nature, that comment was out of line. Also, 1200 cals a day for a woman who is 48 and 5’4″ is not too out of whack. Check out what her BMR is — a tad over 1300. If her activity is mainly derived from that hour in the gym, she is probably right around the 500 cal deficit she needed to lose a pound a week.
Just found your site. That Valerie B. thing really got to me.1200 calories!!! I eat anywhere from 1700 to 2000+ a day depending on my workout for that day. You don’t need to eat 1200 calories to look good in a bikini. Work out hard, eat good, stay consistent all year round but still enjoy some things you like. That is what I do.
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