I suppose “Don’t hold the gun in front of your face” is a good rule to live by.Eat a vegetable with every meal. Drink 2 liters of water a day. Meditate for 15 minutes a day. Don’t eat sugar. Hug your kids. Take 5 minutes to yourself to relax before bed. Get properly fitted for a bra. Eat real food. Live mindfully. Laugh. No grains. Dance like no one’s watching. Do cardio first. Work in what you love and love your work. Be passionate. Ask questions.
All of the above are responses that people have told me over the course of this month’s “Perfection” Experiment, which I am renaming the Rules Experiment. Because while there was very little perfection to be had, this certainly was the month of rules.
What I discovered is that while many people initially say that they loathe rules, everyone usually has a few that they live by. I asked them to distill it to one. One simple rule. At first I asked people to tell me their one hard-and-fast health rule but slowly it broadened into their rule for life.
Do no harm. Don’t be evil (thanks Google!). Give more than you get. Listen first.
Another good rule: If you want your kids to eat healthy, set a good example.As part of my Experiment this month – and per the advice of at least 3 of you darling readers – I read (she of Real Housewives fame) Bethenney Frankel’s book Naturally Thin. At first it felt like every diet book. “This is the last diet book you’ll ever need!” “But don’t call it a diet!” But the more I got into it – it’s based around Frankel’s 10 simple rules for healthful eating – the more it felt like Intuitive Eating, a book I both simultaneously love and have been frustratingly unable to implement. Except that in Naturally Thin, she gives you a little more guidance on how to do what she suggests. Her first rule, and the most important according to her, is to think of your body like a food bank. Good, healthy foods are deposits. Decadent desserts, french fries and other unhealthy foods are withdrawls. You can eat them all but just make sure to balance your budget every day.
This is the way “naturally thin” people eat, she asserts. No weighing or measuring portions. No counting calories. No obsessing over preparation methods at restaurants. Just making sure your balance stays in the black. It seems to make sense. While I do have friends that do the weighing/counting/measuring/obsessing thing to stay thin, I also have several who just seem to know what their body needs and eat it. If I have a choice (do I?) I’d prefer to be in the latter group.
But I have always – perhaps this was my first cogent thought as a newborn? – assumed that I was not naturally thin. I always knew that my body, if left to its own devices, would head towards obesity faster than Nadya “Octomom” Suleman runs to the press. And yet Frankel says this is not so. She says that every person has the ability to learn to be naturally thin. You just have to follow the rules.
Where she has 10, others have fewer. Michael Pollan is famous for his pithy 3-rule advice: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” Gwyneth Paltrow: “Eat raw.” Mariah Carey: “Eat purple.” But it’s not the famous people whose rules I’m interested in, it’s the real people.
A great rule: Never leave without a kiss.MizFit summed up her approach for me thusly: “I don’t do rules.” Reader Dara told me, “Nothing makes you look slimmer faster and stand up prouder than a good bra.” Heather Eats Almond Butter discovered the secret for her is “just Yoga.” And there were many responses in between. For me, while this Experiment has helped me cull my rule list (apparently using mouth wash every day is bad for you! Who knew??), I have not been able to distill them down to just one. Or even an overarching theory. But I feel closer than I was before.
Recycle. Live simply. Be kind. Ride mass transit. Talk to strangers. Pray. Love generously.
What’s your One Rule? Have any of you read Naturally Thin? Hype or doable?
Don’t forget: New Experiment coming at you tomorrow!
One last rule: No piercings bigger than your head
I wanna read Bethennys book. I love what appears to be her life attitude (from what Ive seen/read in interviews etc). She appears to be no bullshit & up front and honest and truly comfortable in her own skin.
This month I just became aware of little things – trying to meet my little goals of mouthwash and vitamins and exercise showed me that it’s not that difficult to be “perfect”. Then I got sick and that all flew out the window – mac ‘n cheese, no activity sans trying to breathe. LOL
But I like the sound of the book. Might have to go out and get a copy somewhere. It makes more sense to me than counting calories for the rest of my life!
Charlotte,
Sounds like you learn some things about yourself from this experiment. I want you to know how much I look look forward to your experiment wrap-ups at the the end of each month. Whether you loved or loathed the previous 4 weeks, I love reading all about it. 🙂
I’ve heard good things about Naturally Thin. However as much I read great advice, I’m so stubborn and usually have a hard time following it. I’m more of an all or nothing kind of girl. If I make the rare decision to eat dessert, then I want the entire piece of cake, not just a few bites like Bethenny recommends. I’ve never been very good at balancing my budget. Would reading a book inspire me to let go of all the rules surrounding my eating habits? Never has in the past, but I’m willing to try again.
Can’t wait for next month’s experiment. Off to yoga. 🙂
Wow, I don’t think I could possibly come up with one rule. I think it would probably be, “Prepare for the rules to change every day”, because I know for me and eating, they seem to!
I’ve never read Naturally Thin, although I’ve read Intuitive Eating. Have you ever read The Four Day Win by Martha Beck? I just read it a week or so ago and it’s a dense, dense book, but so interesting! It covers things diet books wouldn’t even think of: how your brain affects what you eat. There are exercises to actually retrain your brain out of obsessing, overeating, etc. I think it might interest you.
Looking forward to the next experiment!
I’m someone who has broken many of my own rules, which leads to massive disappointment in myself and a sense of personal failure. I’ve tried a “no rules” approach but that doesn’t work either. So I zoom back and forth between defying my own rules and giving up on rules altogether. I don’t like this pattern at all and in fact, I hate it. Has anyone come up with a way not to rebel against your own rules?!
Really want to check out this book now.
I think for me, my “rule” is to always try to increase awareness and to do what feels right for me so that all parts of me are satisfied. And that means that on the days when I’m really craving a slice of cheesecake, I’m not going to try and quench the craving by eating a bag of apples- I’ll go have that cheesecake and all of me will feel good about it.
LOVE the idea of the food bank!
I think the only rule I go back to over and over (when dealing with food and ALL other areas of my life) is “forgive yourself.” There are days when I eat like crap, but why should I dwell (oh, but I do!), so I keep saying “I forgive you” and eventually it sinks in. There are days when my to-do list seems to grow and I don’t get to cross anything off, but I go to bed and forgive myself. Tomorrow is a new day! Then there are days when everything goes right, many things are accomplished, and I eat a beautiful variety of food and I think “great job!” Those days precipitate into more days and I find that I’m not needing to console myself as much. Of course there are always set-backs, but I will always be a work-in-progress.
This is a very touching subject, thank you Charlotte!
In spite of my attempts, I tend to forget the rules! That’s one of the reasons I appreciate you and the other loggers I visit because of the constant reminders to remember the rules!
Thank you, Charlotte!!
Wait, what’s up with mouthwash?!?!?!
I also have trouble following the rules. I mean, there are some I absolutely follow, like “don’t kill anyone” and stopping at red lights, but when someone tells me “do this” or “don’t do that” or uses that hated word “should,” forget it! Out comes my inner, leather jacket-clad, motorcycle riding rebel.
So, I try to trust my instincts and do my best to take care of myself and my family.
I just ordered the Naturally Thin book – can’t wait to check it out. I already read the Intuitive Eating one. It’s so good, makes total sense – and I did find it helped me out a lot. Still working on it all though.
And I don’t really like rules – unless it’s just that you should be balanced and adjust as needed. Rather than just sticking to one set plan it’s better to just sort of go with the flow and avoid any extremes. I think we’re all different and no one rule works for everybody.
I am a GREAT rules person if it’s backed up with some kind of accountability. I mean, I am bad at committing to rules that I impose on myself, but if I make a deal with someone else that we will follow this rule, I am fabulous at it.
But my one rule at the moment is, love and approve of myself.
Ok, two rules. The other one is, try to feel and share joy.
When I can do these things, everything else seems to fall into place a lot better.
I think if I had to pick one ultimate rule, it would be “Don’t panic.” I know a lot of things I “should” do, including all the ways of saying “you should ignore all the rules about what you should do.” I can’t live up to all of those all the time, in some cases it might be logically impossible to live up to all of them simultaneously, but over time I’m finding that it’s all survivable so long as I keep my head.
It’s when I get into the panicky all-or-nothing, must-act-on-this-immediately-and-with-as-much-intensity-as-possible mode that I probably end up doing the most harm to myself. Ate something “unhealthy” or out of social obligation rather than because I wanted it? Skipped something I wanted because I felt self-conscious or something I didn’t feel like it even though it was “good” for me? Fine, it happened, it’s not a disaster or a crime. Beating myself up or running around like a manic trying to “fix” it will probably do more harm than good.
It’s a good rule for non-fitness/diet things too, but there are some areas where I’m not so good at applying it.
My rules are like the Pirate’s Code: more guidelines than actual rules. It’s just too easy for me to obsess when they’re rules.
Just one rule…hmmm…
I guess the one thing I try to live by is “keep trying until you get it right, or it no longer applies”. As in – keeping my eyes on the prize and focused on what I want, until I get it, or it becomes something I don’t want anymore.
But I am a rule person – I like being able to check my important-to-me stuff off a list and when I’m done for the day, just let go and feel like I can relax.
Can’t wait for April’s experiment. Mine is going to be a doozy! 🙂
My rule I am trying to live by: Live in the moment/be in the present.
Too often I obsess over past mistakes or am too worried about a future event to see what is going on right in front of me.
I am loving “Naturally Thin”. I normally hate diet books. But I love her idea of “you are in control, not the diet, not the food”.
My one rule would be to respect and honor all living things, including oneself.
I sometimes have trouble following that last part, because sometimes I’ll embark on a fitness or diet scheme and realize halfway through that I’m punishing myself, that I’m trying to prove something through suffering, or trying to make changes out of hate instead of love. But eventually I give myself a reality check: is this helping me or hurting me? Feeling terrible is a bad sign, not something to be proud of. And I more or less get back on track.
It’s interesting to note the difference between my “ideal” rules, which would be along the lines of being thoughtful, patient, forgiving, generous, open to new experiences… versus what seem to be my actual working rules. These are childish and superficial–more along the lines of “try not to screw things up too badly,” “don’t embarrass yourself” “don’t do anything to make people mad at you,” etc.
A good goal would be to start living by a better, more intentional set of rules!
I get really tired of weighing/counting/measuring constantly being equated with being “obsessive”.
Why do people think that measuring your food is “obsessive”? I watch my bank balance, check to make sure I have enough money before I spend it, and track my expenses carefully to make sure I don’t overdraft my account or blow my budget. Does that make me “obsessive” about money, too?
Most people – and especially most Americans – have no idea what a proper portion size of anything is. We’ve been so brainwashed by years of “supersizing” and “family style” and so forth, that most people are totally unable to judge a portion size just by looking at it. Learning to measure/weigh your food – to know that a serving of cottage cheese is actually 1/2 a cup and what it looks like, that an apple the size of your fist (not the size of a grapefruit) is one serving, that 3-4 oz of meat is a serving (not the 16 oz prime rib you get from Longhorn) – is smart. It’s intelligent. It’s a good thing. It’s not obsessive.
You can’t eat “intuitively” w/out first understanding that your intuition has been damaged by years – generations even – of over feeding.
Please stop talking about “obsessive” counting and measuring. It is no more obsessive to measure your food than it is to balance your checkbook.
I don’t know girls. I read no grains, and I stopped there.
No grains at all? I can see doing away with the stinky white processed flour variety…but what about quinoa or brown rice or barley, buckwheat pancakes?
No daily mouthwash? That’s a crappy rule. My rule is that I only live by not crappy rules. Things that reduce bad breath, make me thinner, less stressed out (does not include bo-ring meditation), or happier (does include lots of kids and free time) are not crappy rules. I’ll follow those. And the whole “no numbers” thing followed by a bank account analogy just doesn’t jive with me. I’m a counter. My husband is not (unless you include the third hole on his belt as a number relating to his weight). When his pants are snug, he eats less until they are not snug. That sounds like another not crappy rule I should follow!