If I’ve learned anything from grading thousands of high school SAT essays – other than everyone read The Great Gatsby this year – it’s that life is all about your weaknesses and how you deal with them. There are very few 17-year-olds that are innately good spur-of-the-moment essay writers and yet the forces that be have decreed that if you want to get into a good college then you’d better be able to crank out something both quasi-meaningful and semi-literate in under 30 minutes. This conundrum forces students to confront one of their weaknesses and deal with it in a high pressure situation.
Those students who are prepared and/or just talented – about 25% by my rough estimation – usually sail through with few problems other than blandness (seriously, I have the most boring job in the world.) It’s the rest of the kids who make me alternate between wanting to kill the next texting-at-the-table teen I see in the restaurant and wanting to hug every sad sack in excessive eyeliner and a Hot Topic hoodie. The students unprepared for the exam or perhaps caught up in a clench of testing anxiety usually employ one of several tactics: overconfidence, bluffing, gibberish or just plain giving up. (Side note: I had one student, once, who drew me a wonderfully illustrated – yet wordless – cartoon interpretation of the prompt. Sadly we don’t grade for creativity. I still wonder what happened to that kid.) Obviously the first three irritate me greatly but it’s the last one that breaks my heart. There’s usually at least one essay in every batch that is nothing but some eraser marks and tear stains.
Write something! Write anything!! I want to scream at them. Even if it’s nothing but a tangential recap of last night’s American Idol, you’ll still get some points. But two x-ed out sentences and a damp spot? Nada. You have to at least try.
It makes me think of all the times in my life that I’ve left nothing but proverbial eraser dribble and tears. I’ll be honest: I’m a wuss. I don’t have a high pain tolerance or risk tolerance or gore tolerance or any other tolerance. (Back when I was teaching, one of my classes figured out that they could actually get me to run out of the room with my hands over my ears by recounting the plot line to any of The Saw movies. My street cred never quite recovered from that one.) I often joke that if I’d been born a Serf or a Pioneer or a woman in any other age before feminine hygeine products were invented, I probably would have died before passing on my genes thus ending the Charlotte lineage of crazy before it could even get going.
There is an upside to my wussitude, however. Having so many weaknesses makes me confront them on a regular basis. And this – while painful and often embarrassing – generally makes for a lot of good learning opportunites. Because, here’s the thing, our society tends to focus on individual strengths; encouraging people to hone their skills, focus on their assets and trumpet their achievements but the real growth comes not from doing what you already do well but from trying what you suck at enough times that you get better. There is little interest for me in reading about people who born good at what they do (um, hi, Lance Armstrong). I’d much rather hear about those who struggle and fight and earn every inch of what they’ve got. And if I’m being really honest, those are the things I like best about myself.
I take for granted my speed-reading ability because frankly I’ve always been good at that. I’ve never had to struggle to learn to read. But on the other hand, for years I was painfully, gut-wrenchingly, awkward-as-Daria shy. It’s taken me a lot of work and effort (and, yes, reading) to overcome what I had once seen as an unchangeable personality trait, an accomplishment that holds far more value for me. Another weakness that I’m currently working on overcoming is my obsession with and hatred of my body, in particular my weight. I know you guys get tired of hearing it. I get tired of writing it (and thinking it and crying over it and wasting time on it.) I’m not over it yet. But I’m not going to quit confronting it until I’ve conquered it. (Jellybean weakness duly noted. It’s on the list too. Somewhere. Bottom-ish.)
This is the problem I have with most fitness stories. It’s all about the “Before” (cue frowny face and big lumpy t-shirt) and the “After!” (bring on the white grin, 3/4 turn and bikini in heels!). So very little is said about the struggle in the middle. It’s not that I don’t ever want to hear about what people do right – we all definitely need more positivity – but is it wrong to want to hear the messy middle too?
Thanks to advancements in medicine and eugenics laws, a lot of us weak folk are surviving. But life is about so much more than just surviving it. To thrive you have to learn from your weaknesses, whether they be physical, mental or spiritual. All of which means that at least my life will never be boring. What about you? Have you ever come face to face with yourself and not liked what you saw? How did you overcome it?
For a truly inspiring example of conquering weakness, check out this guy – a Down’s Syndrome kid with cancer who not only overcame his own hardships but managed to lift everyone else around him as well, even in his death. There is value in fallibility.
Great info.
I agree one of the keys of life is about how you deal with your weaknesses.
I struggle personally looking on the positive side sometimes.
I just wrote so long a comment that I had to turn it into a post on my own blog…
Great post Charlotte. It really hit a chord with me. xxx
Ooooo, this is such a good post!
I too like the nitty gritty details. If someone just starts off one way and accomplishes something that seems (next to) impossible I want to hear about the struggles in the middle…otherwise I just feel inadequate in my own struggles, which are many.
Nice post. 🙂 I agree – love hearing about the people who have overcome. It’s so much more inspiring. And true that we get better by facing, and working on, our problem areas.
I always love reading your blog, I finally book marked it to I remember to look at it every day!
Anyways, I would say I face my weaknesses pretty regularly and that’s what gives me a pretty decent life. At the same time, though, I do think we should all embrace the things we already kick-ass at, because it’s possible on really crappy days that’s all we’ve got to fall back on, so why not feel good about it? (My strength is cat-petting. I always rock at it.)
Also, yeah, I totally want to know about the hard struggle in the middle of the weight loss effort, and even more than that, want to know what happens after the shiny after picture is taken! Did you see the guy from the Biggest Loser on Oprah in January? He’d regained 100 pounds or something. I want to know what’s going on with him much more than the super fit perfect guy. I’m done rambling. NOW.
I hear you on the overcoming obstacles. And everything else.
And this is the first time that I’ve ever thought about my SAT essay since I took the SAT.
This is a really wonderful post, Charlotte! Thanks for such a meaningful read!
Awesome post, I completely agree. By the way, I planned out my SAT essay before I even knew what the prompt was and used Huckleberry Finn to illustrate my examples. 10 out of 12, yesssss.
Nice. Liked your previous profile picture more though.
(I must say i LOVE your profile picture!)
Sometimes I’d swear that your coming to my house and looking in my brain while I sleep! I’ve been thinking about this a lot, lately. I, too, am SO TIRED of the weight loss “success stories” in magazines that basically say “she added weights and replaced burgers with lean protein and vegetables. Now, she’s 30 pounds lighter!” ‘Cause that’s NOT the whole story!
When I was younger I was also terribly shy. I was so jealous of people who seemed to have it easy; who never struggled in social situations, had lots of friends, went on dates, etc. Until I got to know them, and realized they had their own issues.
And I absolutely agree: I’d rather hear about people overcoming obstacles than their easy triumphs.
Perfect day for this post; I am just in the mood for this topic 🙂
It was hard writing about what a weight-lifting wimp I am. I’m convinced that everyone who reads the blog is a lean, toned, insanely fit human. Luckily, most people are far too nice to call me “wus,” but even so I felt like one.
The funny thing is, when you confess your weakness you find that there are other people out there struggling with the same thing. Your discussions of your body loathing issues probably resonate with a lot of readers!
ha- you know the greatest compliment i ever got in high school? i was a master bullshitter. My AP history teacher told me I always got the best grades on essays in the class because even if i didnt have exact dates or facts, I could pull it off by rambling about ideas or theories instead. in history, where its all dates and facts, thats pretty good.
ps- i think grading essays would be an awesome job.
Chalotte,
I love hearing all the dirt in the middle. Why is it always just the Before & After. It’s the struggles that always encourage me the most. Thanks for this post as it was a good reminder. People need to hear the dirt too because often, that is the most helpful part of the story. Everyone struggles, and it’s always good to know you’re not alone!
I liked this post, Charlotte. It made me think about my own writing, and how I probably do tend to gloss over the struggle part.
Oh, and Merry? I can’t speak for the rest of the readership, but THIS Cranky Fitness reader is NOT a lean, toned, insanely fit person…although I want to be one and read a lot of fitness blogs. I’m still mid-struggle. 🙂
Saw? I don’t want to hear about it either.
Weight obsession? Right there with you, weeping the tears.
Have not overcome my shyness and lack of conversational ability. My sister was just telling me recently that I, too, could work on this and overcome it. Me? I wimp out by saying it’s just the way I am and at my age, not likely to change. Not proud of that, but somehow unwilling to put in the effort to change. Perhaps because I am too busy obsessing about the weight thing…
This, I think, is your best post ever.
Our weaknesses are our biggest gifts. It’s easy to forget that.
Our weaknesses can forge within us the strengths of: forgiveness, empathy, compassion, courage, patience and humility, to name just a few.
Our society is very results oriented, with very little concern about the process. But life IS a process. Our bodies are processes (not some static, unchanging “result”), as are our emotions.
Anyway, wow. Thanks for this powerful reminder.
love the daria reference
Thanks for this post, it really hit home with me. We have very similar weaknesses that we are both trying to overcome 🙂 I’m not sick of reading about it yet…I think you are very inspiring and I am thankful that you are willing to put it all out there! Your posts always have a way of making me think 🙂