April’s Great Fitness Experiment was testing out the online personal training service from Women’s Health Magazine. I did it for a month. It was lame. But not so bad that it would make an interesting post. Confession time: it’s 10 o’clock at night and I’ve been dreading writing this post all day. And everyone knows that there is no point in dreading something all day that a) you’re not getting paid to do and b) you have no contractual obligation to do. So I’m invoking blogger privilege and giving you the short version of April’s Experiment results.
Does online personal training work? Sure, sorta. It works about as well as tearing workouts & food plans out of a magazine. Which is pretty much what I think Women’s Health did for their program. It was boring. My workout NEVER changed except to add weight or intensity. The food plan was trendy and didn’t allow for reuse of groceries and/or leftovers and that irked me. By the end I got punchy and started inputing all kinds of ridiculousness into their program. It didn’t bat an eyelash when I typed in that I only ate 600 calories and exercised for 8 hours one day. That’s a problem my friends. I cancelled my subscription and didn’t look back. Don’t waste your money.
But besides spotting potentially problematic behavior, there’s another reason why an in-the-flesh trainer would be better than a computer. Behold:
I have a soft spot for anything with vintage fashion and this 1972 ad for “Sear’s Beauty Spa” (yes, Sears, as in the department store) made my whole darn day. They’re exercising while reclining! And getting jiggled! And all while wearing polyester ADULT FOOTIE PAJAMAS! This is why I blog at 10 o’clock at night, folks. I would pay good money to see this kind of personal training in action.
Again invoking blogger privilege, I will now hijack the rest of this post to show you other hilarious examples of vintage workouts and/or workout wear. Why? Because it amuses me in a way that only people who have bought a snuggie off TV can truly understand.
The 30’s brought us this marvelous contraption that I believe is supposed to shake the fat off you – a practice still in vogue forty years later as evidenced by picture above and the fact that my grandma actually wrote about doing this in her journal. Plus – KNICKERS. And swim caps. And collars on swim suits. Love.
Heading back to the 40’s, we get not only awesome beachwear but girl fights! Don’t you love how “scared” the girl in the middle is? I love their not-a-hair-out-of-place rolled coif.
Nothing says fitness competitor like this shot of Marilyn Monroe in the ’50s. Not only is she pressing like 20 whole pounds but she also has her sexyface going on. Don’t forget, all you lady lifters – the tip toes make this a compound exercise! Bonus: high waisted shorts + pointy bra = best lifting outfit evah!
Nothing says “A-Train to Harlem” like this vintage 60’s tracksuit, complete with Jackie Chan tee that probably eBays for $500 now. (Edited to add: apparently I don’t know my 70’s kung-fu stars. As musajen pointed out in the comments, this is Bruce Lee. Who knew??) Actually, now that I think about it, this whole outfit seems to be pretty trendy right now. Or maybe it just never went out of style. Darn men and their practicality! Although the stirrup pants might be just a wee bit over the top. But don’t let that hold you back.
Ah, Olivia Newton John (shout-out to my peeps Jennie, Sunny & Wilson!) – how do I love thee? Only you can work Valentine’s day spandex and a fem-mullet with such class! Plus the posing! I will practice every night in the mirror until I have perfected hamstring stretch/salute to Fame pose.
The 70’s & 80’s were pretty much dominated by one shiny, thong-wearing, how-on-earth-did-they-pee-with-tights-on woman: Jane Fonda. Look at all the awesomeness going on in this picture – belts! suspenders! purple leopard print! mock turtlenecks! halfsie zippers! scrunched matchy-matchy socks! baby dumbbells! And the fizz in this bag of pop rocks? THE HAIR.
This shot from the 80’s demonstrates perfectly all the problems with leggings for men (meggings?). But when said leggings come as part of a suspendered unitard with stirrup bottoms (not to mention the sewn-in shirt)? Bring on the hotness! Please, please, please let someone wear this to my Y someday.
Which brings me to this unfortunate picture. There are no words except that some designer somewhere must have really hated this team.
I don’t know why men’s bike shorts have to outline their junk. It seems they should put some padding in, but maybe I’m just being an uptight prude.
OH—MY—GOD!!! I almost lost my dinner with that last picture. Did they have NO MIRRORS!!
I actually have that Jane Fonda workout video. I used to do it when I was a tween, I got it from my older sister. Why do I keep these things for so many years?
OH. WOW. Those shorts are…um…not subtle.
And can I just totally embarrass myself here and say that not only did I own the Olivia Newton-John “Physical” LP (in vinyl!) AND practice that pose, but I even had THAT VERY SAME Jane Fonda workout tape!!!!!
AND, the first gym I joined, in jr. high, had those jiggly things. In the 80’s!
Add new meaning to ‘padded’ bike shorts!
LOL!!!
This post is perfect!
That last picture, seriously, I think I peed a little.
HAHAHAHA! That should be illegal!
Too funny.
uh oh.
I like that Marilyn pic 🙂
why have I not seen that before?
and aboyn3girls? I fear they DID have a mirror, looked in it, and thought WE MAKE THESE SHORTS LOOK GOOOOOD!
What an awesome round up!!! How did I live through the 70’s, or the 80’s in particular, without constantly bursting into laughter?
I just wonder what I’m wearing now that people are going to be laughing at in 40 years or so?
Oh wait, I have no fashion sense at all… people are probably laughing at me NOW.
I lurk here everyday and I think this is my favoritest post evah!!! Oh how I adore trashy 80’s attire. good times, good times.
And those bikers? Yikes!! I may have nightmares tonight!
Ah, thank goodness to be working out now in the era of lululemon and no leotards!
Although I do remember the trend of patterned leggings with a baggy t-shirt which managed to make me look 50 lbs heavier. And I thought I looked good. Sad really.
geez, I had to look back at that last pic a couple times to figure out why I was so freaked out by it! Now it will certainly haunt my dreams.
PS: I got my (husband’s) Snuggie at Bed Bath and Beyond 🙂
I like the 40’s swimsuits. Where can I get one?
🙂
I didn’t see the photos of our ’80s halloween night posted! You were working the gold lame outfit, just like Jane Fonda! CLASSIC!
PS: Maybe Teddie has that get-up to wear to the Y!! 🙂
Rainy, yucky morning here of nothing but work but you made me laugh out loud – love this blog!
At the part where the online trainer didn’t bat an eye at what your were putting in, I’d have flipped out. But then, I get the feeling that it was a computer thing, and not a real live personal trainer.
Those outfits left me speechless.
Laughing too hard to type properly…
Fitness through the ages is certainly fascinating! Sucks about how boring the online personal training was.
Holy CRAP, that last pic cracked me up!! Geez.
The funny thing (ok, not as funny as that last pic – holy CRAP!) is that those mens’ leotards with the suspenders? Dude, dancers totally wear those. And the tights. But (usually) only in black tights/leotards and white T-shirts. There are dress codes, you know. (No, really.)
Bruce Lee! Not Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee!
I LUV this post. Has me ROR.
OK, I'm showing my age here – anyone else here who was in junior high/middle school in the late 60's? We were required to wear hideous one-piece snap-front chambray gymsuits with no waist & short bloomer bottoms that flattered absolutely no one.
Yikes!
I vote for Mr. Second-From-The-Right.
Oh, and @Anonymous:
I was in middle school in the mid-70s, and we had to wear those things. You had to take the whole darned thing off to pee, plus they were hideous.
Crabby, they’re not laughing at us, they’re laughing with … well, maybe you’re right. But at least my exercise outfits spread joy and mirth wherever I go.
I own that Jane Fonda workout video, too. It has everything you could ever want from a completely useless workout! It had a high entertainment value during college, that’s for sure.
I think I just woke up my son upstairs with my hysterical cackling at that last picture. What the hell did they think when they saw that photo? That’s blackmail material!
hahahaha! I’m laughing like the immature kid I am at those pics. Also, I would love a pair of the adult footie pajamas. Not to work out in, just to wear.
I’m pretty sure that last picture was photo-shopped like crazy. Those are just regular bike shorts and NO ONE looks like that in regular bike shorts. It was definitely a joke. Jane Fonda, however, was 100% class.
haha, i remember that last pic from steve in a speedo’s post on “why bike shorts are black.”
and i don’t think i could have worked out in either that 80s junk or the 40s bloomers. however, i think that working out in heels probably does add some extra … something.
Those jiggly belt work out machines were awesome. About as sensible as prescribing cigarettes as a weight lose mechanism back in the day.
HA! Good stuff! 🙂
I was a Jane Fonda looking gal in my younger years. In fact I still have some of those leotards hanging around & god, forbid, I still wear some nice looking ones that are not shiny! Jeez, how funny! I just posted a pic of me on my blog yesterday of me in one of those shiny leos!!! I remember the good ole days!
As for those men in the red ones.. I see this at track meets on TV.. even white ones. What are they thinking!! I guess some of them love it cause they can show their "stuff"!!!
As for workouts, I like researching & making up my own routines & food program although I know others need that strict adherence to something that another person put together for them. To me, you have to listen to your own bod & do what is right for you. We are all different & different things work for different people!
I remember my friend’s mother having one of those jiggle machines.
I did the Jane Fonda workout tapes.
I did Jazzercise classes.
I remember when Danskin leotards were the only fitness gear out there for women.
Great blog, thank you!
Haha – hysterical post Charlotte. Um, the cycling team…what we they thinking?!?
Sorry the online personal training didn’t work out so well, but as always, I’m anxious to hear about next month’s experiment.
Yeah – sorry the online training didn’t work out so well, but there’s always next month, right? Love the retro wear, and I remember picking through those crazy thong leotards to try to find respectable ones to wear to gymnastics. 😛 Some of us didn’t have the luxury of being able to wear things under/over them during practice…
Oh goodness, I love this blog post!
I used to exercise to Jane Fonda and Jazzercise workouts when I was a kid back in the glorious 80's, and I still do.
I still wear my leotards, tights, and legwarmers sometimes when I workout. Especially to the classics.
As a guy, I think much more of us men should do aerobics. It's my passion to stay in shape.
Boy, I love being fit.
God bless you. Take care.
OOF… "Mammal Toes" in any outfit are never good!