“Just saw the CrossFit WOD (workout of the day). I’m not even at the gym yet and I already have the nervous pee.” When I read this Facebook status update from Reader Amber, I laughed so hard I had to, well, you know. So class, for part two of my Bodily Functions & Fitness series today we will be discussing number 1. And no I’m not giving you an M&M for every time you go.
Urine
1. The nervous pee – my personal favorite – is that almost uncontrollable urge to go that always happens in the five seconds before public speaking or right when the gun goes off for a race. Or, like Amber, when you know you have an intense, fast workout coming your way shortly. (Really, that’s one of the best parts of CrossFit. I think they purposely don’t post the WOD until the morning of just to make everyone do the nervous pee. Gotta love athlete humor!) It doesn’t matter if you just went and still have the toilet paper stuck to your gym shoe to prove it. Your body doesn’t care. It just knows something slightly scary is about to happen and is preparing it’s best turtle defense.
2. The excited pee is closely related to the nervous pee except this one is more likely to involve hysterical laughing, which as most of my friends now know sends me straight to the floor. No matter how many kegels I do, this body has had too many kids to withstand a really good funny. Unfortunately when I go crashing to the floor, it usually makes them laugh harder which ups the hilarity thereby worsening my condition. Frankly, I’m considering never smiling again. It’s either that or Depends.
3. The jumping rope (also known as the “Turbo air jack”) pee is a high-impact staple. Bosus, jumping over the step, trampolining and all forms of plyometrics are common offenders. For some people even running qualifies (Hansel & Gretel tracking system is a bonus!). This is probably the most common of all the pees, especially as we age and/or have children. It also seems to be mainly a female issue although if any of my (5) male readers care to weigh in, I’m all ears!
4. The weight-lifting pee is brought on by the bladder compression from a deep squat making it probably the most embarassing pee on the list as the damage is so hard to mitigate. Consider: you are stuck inches from the floor with your legs spread apart and a really heavy weight across your shoulders. As demonstrated by the poor woman above.
5. The pregnancy pee is the bane of gestating gals everywhere. One of those things that nobody tells you before you get pregnant is that the pregnancy pee kicks in from day 1. Surprisingly, it’s a hormone thing that will only later be compounded by a wee one doing jumping jacks on your bladder. Your body does many amazing things during pregnancy but I’m telling you now that few will be as enthralling as how much, how frequently and how long you will have to pee. I’ve even considered asking Gym Buddy Allison to time me – horses and frat boys got nothing on pregnant girls.
Prevention
Preventing “bladder leakage” (as the marketing folk are so fond of calling it – quick, don’t think of water balloons!) is imperative. Your first step is to go right before your workout. Even if you just went at home. Go again. I promise something will come out. It’s Pavlovian – see toilet, must pee. I don’t think there is even such a thing as pee constipation, is there? The next step is to wear clothing that can handle a bit of moisture (see the recommendations for swamp crotch in the previous post). Third is to avoid all discussion of how badly you have to pee. This last rule is one the Gym Buddies and I have a hard time remembering but really, discussing it makes it ten times worse. (Although now I know which one of the Gym Buddies has the technical skill to pee in a bottle in a moving car – and no it’s not a dude.)
Damage Control
It happens. It happens more often to the very young, the very old, the pregnant and the mothers who delivered vaginally. But eventually it does happen to everyone. So what to do when you’ve just wet yourself and you still have 30 minutes of plyos left? I’m going to borrow FEMAs steps for dealing with an emergency (What? Tornados, earthquakes, bladder leakage… it’s all disasterous, right?). First assess the situation. How bad is the damage? Is it a minor leak or a broken dam? If it is the latter, you’ll just have to leave but the former still leaves you plenty of options. Second, assess your resources. Is there a bathroom nearby? Does it have a hand dryer? That doesn’t require you to stand pantsless outside the stall to use? If not, will toilet paper do to mop up? As a last resort, can you just splash some water on other places to distract attention and make people think you’re just a really profuse sweater? Third, assess your environment. This basically boils down to a) did you leave a puddle? and b) did anyone see? If either of these are true, you are just going to have to go home. I’m sorry.
Learn From Your Pee
The last thing every fitness freak should know about their pee is that it is a wealth of knowledge. The color alone can tell you everything from how dehydrated you are to if you have life-threatening rhabdomyolysis or a kidney infection. The frequency can tell you if you need more kegel work or if you are pregnant or have a urinary tract infection or even prostate cancer if you’re a guy. The smell can tell you if you’ve recently eaten asparagus or – if you’re me – Cheerios. (Question: Do Cheerios make anyone else’s pee smell funny?) And the taste… well, if you’ve tasted your own urine then that says things about you that I don’t know if we even have time to go into on this site. But I do hope you’ll leave a comment.
So, have you ever wet yourself? What fitness activities bring out the pee in you? What do you do to prevent your water balloon from popping? Anyone else kinda obsessed with the color of their pee??
Yup, I’m obsessed with the color. When I was a kid and taking acting and dancing classes, I had the nervous pee every time I went onstage. Potty training my kids is awful, ’cause I definitely have the Pavlovian response to being in the bathroom. (It’s REALLY bad to remove your toddler from the seat so you can go, right?)
In grad school, my nickname was “Tiny Tank.” But I figure that wasn’t really my fault, since all of our instructors kept telling us to drink more water.
Now, I must go, well…you know.
Deadlifts (sad face)
Michelle
Same here..minor leaks..but it leaves a mark and i just hate it.:(
Im so NOT peeobessed (I gauge if I need more water by whether the Toddler shrieks LOOK MOMMY!!! YELLOW! when we’re in a public restroom. good times :)) but I do find myself fascinated by the potential ‘down the road’ to have the toilets in our homes which diagnose us by our urine.
I know it’s still Dateline NBC’esque but I love the promise of that preventative medicine.
Wow, yet another reason to avoid deep-squats besides my crappy knees!
My “issues” don’t involve accidents so much as just not having much capacity before I get uncomfortable. And I drink a lot of liquids and am not really willing to dehydrate myself either. So I’m always the one looking for the restroom during any outing or social event. And at the gym, I’ll sometimes take a break between cardio and weights to take the pressure off. (Plus, now I’ve managed to acquire a couple of fibroids that press on my bladder, making it even more sensitive. Gosh, middle age is fun! Though it sounds like pregnancy is worse.)
I AM obsessed with the color of my pee (wow, never thought I would type that sentence!)!
I know I’ve had plenty of water that day when I stand up and can’t even tell that I went. Weird. And coffee makes it stink – YUCK! Don’t know about the cheerios though…
I have the Pavlovian problem. Anytime I pull down my pants, even in a dressing room, I have an urgent need to go. The best was when I was pregnant and ran into a coworker on my way back from the bathroom as she was going to the bathroom. Then I ran into her again 2 minutes later when she was leaving the bathroom and I was heading back. When you spend hours a day peeing, seems like the company shouldn’t even pay you for being there!
I’ve never noticed the Cheerio-tainted pee smell, but my husband will not eat Cheerios for exactly this reason. I just thought he was crazy, but maybe he’s not as “off” as I thought.
Lately there has become an urgency to my peeing. Like I’ll be working at my desk and I’ll stand up and realize I have to pee RIGHT NOW. A sort of RIGHT-NOW-I-HAVE-TO-GO-AND-IF-I-DON’T-GO-RIGHT-NOW-BAD-THINGS-WILL-HAPPEN kind of urgency.
I forsee Depends in my future.
Oh, and vitamin B complex turns my pee bright flourescent yello. Is that wrong?
I’ll check the color of my pee to gauge for dehydration.
And Jill, when your pee turns superbright yellow, it’s from unused vitamins. Unfortunately I doubt that your body is getting most of what you’re taking.
I had the same thing, but it stopped when I stopped taking my multi. I figure it’s not worth it.
I laughed so hard I had to . . . yeah.
I do check for dehydration based on the color. And I can always tell when I need to cut back on the coffee (because even decaf is a diuretic).
Now I know why I don’t do deep squats, though. 😉
I take B vitamins every morning and they make my first post vitamin pee highlighter yellow!! After that, I aim for little or no color to make sure I’m sufficiently hydrated.
I haven’t had cheerios in a million years so I don’t know if they change my smell, but asparagus, garlic, onions, and coffee sure do! Also, when I eat beets, I pee pink for days, which is actually pretty amusing.
Trampolines are evil. Althouhg, I have never tried the competition weight lifting, and now will be terrified at the thought of doing so! lol. Poor woman.
Nervous pee? Didn’t notice, but I do have bathroom issues right before nervous events. That’s a whole nother gross post.
I get coffee pee smell, but I guess you’re not a coffee drinker.
I have only had one really embarrassing pee story. I was on a church trip in the 6th grade and we were playing four square. I don’t know if I had to go but want to leave the game or what, but all of a sudden, I just let it rip. Puddle city. I think I lamely tried to kick my drink on it or something.
Anyway, I’d like to nominate every single teenager there for sainthood because, while I can’t believe I fooled anyone, we just mopped up my “spilled drink” and carried on.
Pee-challenging exercises: Those decline bench crunches. The Leg Press machine (every friggin’ time)! Even if I make sure to run down to the locker room right before I hit the machine.
Must be Pavlovian.
I do not have “cheerios” pee, but I do get coffee-scented pee. No, it doesn’t make me want to drink it.
I also occasionally get the running pee thing.. which is one reason why I don’t run.
Hmm… well I do go quite a bit, but then I drink a ton ‘o water. And yes I check out the color. Mostly clear is good, when it starts looking yellow at all, I know I need more water.
Did you know that there is workout equipment for your pelvic muscles? There are two that I know of, the Kegelmaster (okay, try saying that without laughing… no, really, try!), and the Gyneflex. (Think thighmaster but smaller!) You insert them, they open, then you squeeze closed. The Kegelmaster has springs and you can adjust it to I think 10 different strengths, so as you get stronger you make the resistance harder. Apparently you can REALLY strengthen your kegels with these and help the issues that come with age and babies.
Just when you thought you’d tried EVERY piece of workout equipment!
Dr. Edell once said that over a hundred years ago, doctors used to smell the urine of patients on a regular basis as a way of diagnosing many diseases that had distinct odors. It is now a lost art; I guess none of the medical students want Pee-Sniffing 101 on their transcripts.
I’ve posted this link in various places, but I don’t think I’ve done it here:
http://www.kegelmaster2000.com/
I’m sure you all know about kegels, but this thing is way more effective. I used it to cure my prolapsed uterus, and it had the side benefit of really helping out with the urgency-to-pee problem. It improves your sex life, too!
Hey, that’s me! Thanks, Char, you just made my pissy day so much better!
I think I have mentioned before how I once peed my pants during a physical fitness test…..only to realize I had left the key to my barracks room at the gym and had to go the 3/4 mile back to get the key. EMBARRASSING.
I am obsessed with the color, I like to keep it a nice sunshine yellow to clear and have often chugged half-gallons of water if it is any other color. I’m very well-hydrated. Along with fire exits, the first thing I look for in any new building is the bathroom location.
I have had FEWER issues with my bladder since I gave up grains – no more having to pee in the middle of a run or long WOD. It all makes sense if you follow Chinese medicine philosophy.
TOO CLOSE TO HOME FOR ME!!! 🙂 And as we age, well, TMI if I start that! I laughed out loud with this post & I can fit in with a lot of them!!! I do LOVE how you put what you can learn from your pee & help too! Hey, we can learn from anything!
Like others, I drink a lot of water so always on the lookout for a decent bathroom & in the gym, thank god it is close.. except when I go the cleaning guy is in there cleaning it & sometimes I can't get in.. OH NO!
AND yes, I am one to check out the color!
Thx for a fun & informative post!
My solution for workouts is to go before I workout and to wear an ultra thin maxi pad. When your’re done compressing the heck outta your poor bladder, toss it and take a shower. Now, if you need to wear one all the time then you have other problems!
Besides the turbo jacks, another bad pee-bringer for me are straight leg lifts on the Roman chair. I know other very special effects of that particular maneuver have been written about before, but apparently no one fesses up to the tinkles.
Whenever I go for a walk with my neighbor who has set her young daughter up with a feed bag of Cheerios, I think I smell a pee diaper. I have since figured out that it is the cereal and not the diaper, but have never heard anyone else make this connection (yea!).
Now. You’ve inspired me to go public with this next observation. Does anyone else think that coffee sometimes smells like tuna? I don’t drink it, don’t like it, and SWEAR that when my husband makes it, it smells like canned tuna.
Also, raspberries taste like roses. There. I’ve said it.
So timely, I am struggling with this right now. If I go right before I run I am OK but nothing can handle jumping jacks or fast knee ups that my trainer has us doing. I leave group to pee in the middle but my bladder just ain’t what is was pre-kids and pre-40. I have joked about needing to pee with the others in my group but no one else even smirks so I thought I was on the only one that finds it amusing – so nice to know I am not alone!
I was a competitive trampolinist, and should have taken out stocks in the maxi pad companies. It was bad, but I wasn’t the only one. At least I knew to protect myself. Some girls were just not good at that and let me tell you it was just not nice.
I love this week. 🙂
I’ve never had a gusher incident but I certainly have had the “drip-oops-did-it-show-no?-ok-whew-butstillewww” moments. Gymnastics was horrible for that with the jarring landings.
Coffee makes my pee smell (but not flavia decaf, oddly enough). I’m not terribly obsessed with the color though I do note when it’s a particularly lovely shade of yellow or overly clear.
1) Can I get a sticker instead of M&ms?
2) I too have the skill to pee into a bottle in a moving car. Had to prove that point on the way to a music festival last year where there was construction for AGES and no turn offs.
3)I've never had this issue but the again I haven't had kids yet. That being said I do find after a long run that my pee is RIDICULOUSLY hot, it's a odd coincidence.
All I’m going to say here is thank you very much to Naomi for posting that link! My problem areas are running, jumping..any explosive movements. It’s definitely worse after drinking something with caffeine. Hate it!
Cheerios?!? I’m intrigued.
If I laugh too hard, I always pee in my pants. I also tend to lose it if I have to go really bad, and I’m on my way to the bathroom. For some reason, as soon as my brain realizes I’m actually walking to the bathroom, the bladder lets loose. Weird.
I won’t lie – I’m totally obsessed with the color of my pee.
Had to chime in on “I don’t think there is even such a thing as pee constipation, is there?” I recall having this trouble during a post-surgical hospital stay. The nurse recommended running a small trickle of water in the sink, and it worked like a charm.
oh asparagus pee.
and now i want to eat cheerios to see if my pee smell changes. thanks. :-p
I used to always have to pee before swim meets and speech contests. Always, Always.
But now I will always remember that girl peeing when I go weight lifting.
Here’s a bodily function I’d like your 2cents on…the queef!!! (or that’s what my husband calls it). The totally uncontrollable embarrassing fart sound that comes out a different hole. Ever happened to you? My hide-in-the-lockerrrom-for-the-rest-of-class moment? Inversions in yoga. I wanted to die!!!!
You’re not alone on the Cheerios! Working out makes me need to pee often. So do…
1) doctor’s appointments (especially the ob-gyn)
2) tattoo appointments
3) meetings at work. Oh curses, I often spend the last half squirming and silently pleading for the stupid thing to be over!
I’m totally obsessed with the color of my pee to! I always try to keep it clear so I’m basically always going to the bathroom 🙂
stuffmomswant interesting about caffeine. I have been thinking that might be a issue for me too. My only oops problem is running.I was shocked when it happened. I don’t want to quit so I try not to drink much before I run.ugh!
this week's articles are my fave! that must speak volumes about me : )
Pee stories… I've got a million of 'em! Here's my top 2: sports/science/complaint/assistance request and funny story that leads to a horrible nickname from my grown daughter.
Story 1
Last fall I ran my first marathon (the Detroit FreePress) and dutifully trained all summer — with few pee issues. Sure, occasionally on my long runs (>16 miles) I have to stop and use the bathroom to pee. Nothing major. My usual fueling was plain ice water in my Camelbak and Clif Shotbloks (sometimes caffeinated ones).
Well, when reading race strategies from a local legend (shout-out to my hero Doug Curtis), I amended my plans and decided to leave my water and Shotbloks at home and rely on the on course aid stations.
Things went awesome. I drank the superspecial Gatorade at each aid station. By my standards, I was flying along for the first half of the marathon. Ok, by mile 2 I had the "ding" warning pee feeling. By the time I saw a bank of port-a-potties after crossing into Canada (around mile 8) I was in deep distress "ding, ding, whoop, whoop, weeeooooweeeeoooo"! Honestly, there were constables all over the place and I was prepare to dive off course and pee in the bushes and risk being arrested in a foreign country! Well, the potty bank had huge lines… I lost more than 10 minutes there. Worst of all once the seal was broken… Next long race I do, I'm going back to water and shotbloks.
Story 2
If I laugh really hard for a long time, while standing up, Houston, we're gonna have a problem. That said, once my boyfriend at the time learned this, he would occasionally try to make me have an accident. One night while out walking our dog, bf's saggy sweatpants (old school kind) started to droop and his pale keister looked funny. So I started laughing at him, which caused him to ape it up, making more of his pale pale pale keister show which put me into hysterics. I begged him to stop, which only made him try to be funnier. Please, I begged him, we're in a nice family neighborhood. Our house was on a very busy corner (lots of traffic and a long traffic light, no less) and I was wearing khaki colored pants. Could it be any worse? Yup! full bladder : )
Yes, I did wet my pants, total release, yes, the traffic light 100 feet from our front door was red (and it's a long one folks). I had to do the walk of shame.
To this day, my daughter still refers to me a Giggle Spritz.
Ah, fun times.
okay so I can’t stop laughing. Seriously girl you crack me up. And only because after I had my second son…this really isn’t funny at all…not at the time anyway. I LOST ALL bladder control. I stood up and I peed. I sat and I peed. I laughed and I peed. I just peed. I had to wear depends…am I really admitting this…embarrasing…well my last pregnancy it did the same thing. It ook about 3 weeks to regain control. But now, I can’t jump, I can’t cough, I can’t sneeze, and heaven forbid I laugh without pee leaking out…So needless to say. After I have my last pregnancy I will be getting bladder reconstructive surgery…so the doc says! Hopefully it works…I go through more underwear then I know what to do with. And I have spares and spare pants EVERYWHERE!
okay so now I read through the comments I have more to leave…ha ha ha…
When I take an over the counter urinary tract medicine my pee turns orange…BRIGHT orange…other than that I am pretty clear…and not to into color!
I have peed my pants…at a sleep over cause we were laughing so hard. We were outside…I then ran through the next door neighbors sprinklers that happened to be on to cover up my problem. No one knew…I admitted it 12 years later!
And the queef…oh dear! Really what causes that air to escape from the vaginal cavity? EMBARRASING!
Jumping jacks are a huge thing for me lately. I'm not sure if it's the fact that being diabetic I have to go all the time or just being overweight that I need to step up my kegals. It sure is embarrassing.
One day am coming to home very urgent in pee . . Am ran to my house my blader is ful in frnt of house am sneez suddnly urinate in my dress and am go to bathrom bt ful urinate in my dress
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Never been pregnant, and the peeing issue was an issue before I eer became sexually active, but I definitely have peeing issues whenever I jump rope or do jumping jacks. And, yes, my pee smells like Cheerios after I eat Cheerios.