It’s official: I am half way done with my pregnancy! With 20 weeks under my metaphorical belt – like I could get an actual belt on these days – and perhaps less to go if the universe loves me, I feel pretty excited about this milestone. As I’m looking obviously pregnant now, there are many upsides – I’m starting to look cute in maternity clothes, hopefully we’ll find out the gender soon (my ultrasound is on the 30th) and I get to park in the mother-to-be parking spots without feeling guilty. (Side note: pregnant women do not need special parking spots, really. You know who does? New moms. The baby is relatively easy to carry as long as it’s tucked in your abdomen but add colic, a car seat, a diaper bag and older siblings and you need valet parking just to go to the grocery store. Seriously.)
But the baby bump has one serious downside: everyone feels they need to comment on it. Now, normally I don’t mind an affectionate pat, even from a stranger, or a “look at you!” but this conversation was a bit much:
Lady #1: Oh, look at your tummy! It’s HUGE! I can’t believe how big you’ve gotten! And almost overnight too!
Lady #2: No, no, she’s not huge – she’s itty bitty. I can barely see her little bump!
Lady #1: Are you serious? Look at her! It sticks out like a mile!
Lady #2: What? She’s tiny! I was twice as big as she was when I was pregnant.
Lady #1: Not me! I wore my regular jeans right up until delivery – just had to ride ’em low.
They had this conversation in front of me. The truth is that I’m exactly normal for 20 weeks along. My fundus – that’s the supercool name for the top of your uterus (For a fun party trick, walk up to someone and say, “Wanna see my fundus?” You may get slapped or they may buy you drinks for the rest of the night – that’s where the fun comes in!) – measures right on for the baby’s gestation. So I’m actually not big nor am I small. I’m just a normal pregnant girl.
This conversation though is a perfect example of how skewed our society’s perceptions have become when it comes to pregnancy. Normally I blame celebrities with their ridiculous 3-week post-partum slim downs and crazy fish diets but today I’m actually going to agree with them. It turns out that even celebrities with perfect bodies are not immune from this group madness.
Heidi Klum, the woman who makes pregnancy look downright chic, was recently quoted as saying – unapologetically! – “I’m bigger than I should be, but I always gain 40-45 pounds, so I still have a ways to go.” (For those of you who don’t keep track of all things uterine, doctors recommend an average woman gain 5-25 pounds.) This made me want to run up and kiss Heidi right on her “big” bump – the bump which will magically disappear 4 weeks post-partum despite it being her fourth kid but I’ll be depressed over that one later- and cheer, “Right on, sister! Me too!” Even supermodels gain weight!
Jenna Jameson, now more famous for birthing twins than for her extensive porn career, was recently targeted by TMZ for having “wide hips.” This may be the first time in my life I’ve ever found myself in the same camp as Jenna Jameson – especially when it comes to feminist issues – but girlfriend’s got a good point! And, for the record, tiny hips. Here’s her surprisingly rational response:
“I was pretty heated about the thought of this random chick saying I looked WIDE… Seriously… this is the ultimate example of girl on girl HATING. I mean, I had twins 4 months ago!!!! Its crazy to me that a fellow woman would feel the need to bash my hips… when most women would relate to the fact that I spent the past year building two perfect little humans. Does the circumference of my hips really matter? Should that even be discussed? It truly makes me sick to my stomach that this woman felt the need to pick my body apart when just barely 18 months ago TMZ was BASHING me for being TOO skinny! This is why women have such massive body issues… I have worked very hard to be healthy… and that is all that matters, not the size of my booty!“
As Jenna demonstrates, the public judgement with pregnancy weight gain continues on with even more fervor to post-baby weight loss. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve already been asked how fast I “plan” on losing the baby weight. (Any parent will tell you that babies laugh – and then spit up – in the face of any so-called plans.) All I can say is that in the past I have lost most of the weight within about six months but those last 10 or so pounds will not budge until I wean the little nipper. I know what they say about breast-feeding melting the pounds away but it just isn’t true for me. My body seems to think it needs to store the extra milk in my thighs and hips. And so be it. I have very healthy kids so it would seem my body knows what it is doing.
While not as hot a topic as weight gain, pre- and post-natal exercise also garners a lot of attention. Thanks to the wonder of the second trimester, I am feeling pretty energetic and back to all my workouts full force – albeit with some modifications. No more bow pose or reclining ab work for me! This hiatus in the woes of pregnancy will be relatively brief though as I know from experience that the third trimester will knock me right back down on my ample butt.
A recent study addresses a common myth of pre- and especially post-natal exercise: that intense, vigorous exercise is the best thing to take off extra weight. It turns out that, “Exercise is important when people are overweight, but after pregnancy, a lot of exercise does not necessarily help a great deal. The Institute summarised the research evidence about the best ways to lose weight after childbirth. The evidence shows that a balanced diet helps – with or without extra exercise. Very strenuous exercise programmes soon after childbirth did not lead to extra weight loss. This means that women do not need to have a bad conscience if they take it easy in the busy weeks after giving birth.”
So there you have it – from the mouths of celebrities and researchers – you have permission to take it easy, be kind to yourself and, most importantly, focus on growing and caring for a healthy, happy baby!
Wow, is my bathroom mirror ever dirty!
Just had to delurk and say that you look adorable! I have to think that size comparisons within a natural process like pregnancy are insane and almost completely useless…everyone is going to end up looking different. Thanks for writing…I really enjoy your blog!
You are doing great!!
Talk about "hump" day 🙂
I think that's an excellent point about parking spots for new moms!
I had that same beef about parking spots in Iowa, and then, as though someone had read my mind, they started putting "For mothers with small children." WHAHOO!
BTW, I was thinking how clean your bathroom looked! 🙂 I wish I could've exercised during my pregnancies. My ample hips felt like they would lose their hold on my legs if I did anything more than a leisurely stroll.
Awww, you look so pretty! Hope the pregnancy continues to go well. 🙂
Oh man, y'all are good dancers. I just clicked over to your video. I get so jealous of your gym when you post links, videos, stories, photos, of you and gym buddies and turbo jenny, etc.
I hate how society has completely "doctored" how we should eat, drink, sleep, exercise, have babies, etc. I understand that guidelines serve an important purpose, but when did we create a polarization of "this is normal" and "that is abnormal"?! Or "this is healthy that is not?!"
Hope all in your pregnancy remains smooth!
You look GORGEOUS!!!!!!!
And, yes, though conversations are even more annoying than strangers who come up and rub your belly. Without even asking!
I'd LOVE to see specific parking for moms with young kids. Unfortunately, when my kids were very young we lived in L.A., where I actually read a newspaper article complaining about how much room moms with strollers take up on the sidewalk. (Puh-leeze!!! It's L.A! No one WALKS!!!!!)
you lost me at the PHOTOS.
you are so glowingradiatinghealth&happines!!!
I am so glad you wrote about this.
I think there is a MAJOR problem with how we talk about pregnancy weight in the US. Here are the messages that we get:
1) "You bad pregnant lady, you think that because you are pregnant you get to eat for two, but one of those two is just tiny, so stop being such a hog."
2) "You bad pregnant lady, you are so paranoid about gaining weight, you don't eat enough and hurt your baby. Stop being so vain."
3) "Pregnant lady, you have to watch every bite that goes into your mouth to make sure it is optimal nutrition so that you do not harm your baby. Stop just following your own base needs and be a good mother."
All this while a woman is dealing with nausea, heartburn, food cravings, food aversions, etc., i.e. I think the hardest time in a person's life to control their food intake. In my opinion, this is all adding a whole huge load of guilt and eating-disordered-type thinking to pregnancy.
I had hyperemesis in my first trimester and lost a lot of weight. When I could finally start eating again I had really strong cravings and aversions. I googled to find out what to do about them and found the sites with the above attitudes saying things like "substitute 'good' food for your 'bad' craving." Well, the people who write these things don't understand – if I force myself to eat the "good" yogurt smoothie I will vomit it up, if I eat the "bad" preprocessed milkshake I will at least be able to keep it down.
I am currently abroad and my OB here, bless her heart, says things like "eat healthy and you will gain the weight you are supposed to, there is no point in targeting a particular weight" and (1st trimester, me worrying about my poor nutrition) "your baby is so small, it is not a problem for it to get what it needs. You have plenty of time to worry about nutrition when you can eat again." SANITY.
p.s. If I may make a special request, I would love to see a post about safe and effective core work in 2nd/3rd trimester. The pregnancy fitness book I am using to modify my strength training workouts for pregnancy has the lamest abs/back exercises possible. Now that you are back in exercise action again I would love to hear how you are working your core.
You look positively adorable!!!
Sorry I haven't commented lately, busy, busy and vacation too! 🙂
I mostly agree with you on the "New Mom Parking Space" issue; however — and this is where I pull out the Dad Card — I do find it a bit sexist that the signs say "New Mom Parking." While I'm not a single parent, my wife works Saturdays, and since I do all the cooking in the house, I'm the one that goes to the grocery store every Saaturday morning since I planned the menu for the week the night before. Pre-children, I had no problem parking in the farthest spot I could find. But since our first was six-and-a-half weeks premature and we carried her around attached to a heart monitor for six months, there was absolutely no way that I was going to walk through 90-100 degree heat just because the sign said I couldn't park there. Keep in mind that this only relates to those days when the lot was full and there wasn't an open spot near said sign. The fact remains, dad's need help, too. I've actually been in arguments with people and employees at the local grocery store because of this. The bad part for them is that I don't back down, and their not going to convince me otherwise. My response to them is the same as I've just written, with the addendum of "Perhaps you should take a cue from {competitor down the street} and change the signs to read 'Customer with Child' or 'Family Parking.'" I can guarantee that I'm in the minority on this opinion, but given the choice of walking through the heat with a slumbering premie infant, heart monitor, diaper bag, et. al. in tow and parking as close as humanly possible, I'll choose the health of my child every time. I'm a pacifist; always have been. I just don't take kindly to some high school kid at his summer job telling me what I can and can't do. And I promise, once number two arrives in August, you can be damn sure I'll be utilizing that spot again, mostly because I'll have an infant strapped to my chest and a two-year-old I'll need to keep wrangled, in addition to the diaper bag and canvas shopping bags. {End Rant} My apologies, Charlotte and all, sometimes I just can't help myself. And, Charlotte, I'll tell you the same thing I tell every pregnant woman I know, and I'll quote Billy Crystal's SNL character when I say, "You looh mahvelous."
You look amazing and glowy.
Girls are the meanest people around. Know how to really cut you to the heart…sad thing is that we don't even realize it anymore! Effortless. If we (yes, I inlcude myself in this as I fall into problems like this sometimes too) just thought about what we were saying to others and what impact it makes things would be easier.
How come lately I rant in my comments? lol. I guess it means that you have some heated topics to write about. Or I'm on a rampage.
Well congratulations to you! You also look adorable.
When I was pregnant 3 years ago you got to gain 25-35 pounds depending on how large you were to start.
And I gained about 28-30lbs with each kid (depending on the constipation that day)
But I do remember people making comments about being HUGE. And OMG how could I walk.
And I found that even though I lost the baby weight within 3-4 months of giving birth, it is 3 years later and everything is still not where I left it before I started birthing babies.
I am sorry to hijack the comments but Matmos commented about wanting a good third trimester work out.
I must suggest Leisa Hart's dvd's.
She is sane and only slightly annoyingly bubbly.
The best part is that on the post partum workouts you can see that she is struggling a wee bit, which makes you feel better.
Here is the link
http://www.amazon.com/Leisa-Harts-Fit-Mama-Prenatal/dp/B00109KN9I/ref=sr_1_26?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1245759634&sr=8-26
So, Charlotte, if you are upset I am mentioning a dvd here, feel free to delete the comment. I won't be upset.
Also, the best part about being pregnant with Princess Persistent, was that I was in my 3rd trimester during Girl Scout Cookie time. I ate so many freakin thin mints, that she already loves mint chip ice cream.
Oh wow, I had to come out of hiding for this one! 🙂 You look fabulous Charlotte! Your hair is lovely and you're just (excuse the pregancy cliché..) glowing! 🙂
I've taken a break from my old blog and started writing about my recent market adventures… Might not be the best for Fitosphere fans but there's tons for cupcake lovers… 🙂
YOU LOOK AWESOME! Keep doing what you are doing! Diet Blog had a post about just what you wrote about… don't get crazed about losing the weight in 3 weeks after the birth! What are we coming too! I saw that TMZ thing too & thought, sh*t, what!!! That lady looked great & I did not see any wide hips. I yelled at the TV & said stop causing more issues for young & old gals! Craziness!
Thx for the pics of you!
interestingly, the BBC News website has just today posted an article about this: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8114262.stm
you look fantastic! every person and every pregnancy is different, but everyone has an opinion!
Thanks for your post. Obviously this topic really interests me right now since I just entered my 17th week and I've always been pretty obsessed with staying slim.
One of my main concerns with this pregnancy has been how I'm going to manage my post-pregnancy weight loss. I've been mentally psyching myself up for bootcamps as soon as possible after giving birth. Which is then immediately followed by a mild anxiety attack over the realization that I am going to have very little control over what the situation will be at that point.
It's nice and reassuring to hear it's okay to take it easy, and will probably book similar results as going apeshit like I'd be inclined to do.
Thanks for the post. And keep 'm coming!
You look healthy, which suggests that mini-charlotte is healthy too.
Screw the rest of the size crap.
(I always thought being pregnant meant 9 months of time when people backed off from being sizeist. Silly me.)
You look so adorable!! 🙂
I'm coveting your shoes.
You're looking gorgeous! And I'm really impressed with what those celebrities were saying- it's nice to hear that from them.
Holy cow, you look FANTASTIC, Charlotte! And I love that turquoise color on you!
Joshua – You're so right about the 'Family Parking' thing. I can't believe people gave you beef about using that spot when you had a baby in tow.
your hair has gotten so long! (not to comment on your looks or anything 🙂 You look stupendous and happy and fit and just perfect. I can't wait to see/hear what happens on the 30th!
Maybe we should get you a shirt that says "I can hear you!" and when people say, "Oh, is that for the baby?" you can reply, "No, it's me! I can HEAR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT BUMP!"
You look great – I can vividly remember celebrating 20 weeks pregnant with my first at a dinner out with my husband. That little one is now almost 17 – cherish every moment of pregnancy and beyond because they seem to be gone in a flash (boy, I sound old).
Joshua, I'm just going to second what Stace said: It's unbelievable that ANYONE would question your right to park there! But I guess ignorance comes in all forms.
am i allowed to say that you look great and cute and pretty? that is all.
Congrats on making it halfway, and hooray for more energy! And I agree, this is the time to let your body do what it needs to do to be healthy and worry about the rest later. You look positively glowing in the pics, I almost didn't recognize you in the last two!
You look so beautiful, healthy and happy. Good for you and your wonderful family.
charlotte you look FANTASTIC!
My bump is coming out my backside, leaving new meaning to the term 'baby got back'!
Adorable belly Charlotte, and I love your cargo pants. 🙂
First you look adorable. Second as a 40-45 gainer, I so appreciated this post. And finally I'm diggin' the study at the end per the exercise and it confirms my status. I have done nothin but moderate/easy workouts in the last 4 months and all but the last 10ish pounds are left. I want those 10ish pounds so I'm at a lovely place where I simply get to eat more if I'm going to workout any harder. Yeah me.
I have pretty thick skin, not much bothered me while I was pregnant. I work with mostly men though, and when I was almost 9 months pregnant. They kept telling me how HUGE I was. And they would often insist I must be carrying twins. My fundus measurement was normal, and had gained 24 pounds. So I wasn't HUGE. Even though I knew I wasn't huge, all the talk did make me feel bad.
The pregnancy weight gain thing is really getting to me this time around. With my first pregnancy, I couldn't eat a lot during my first trimester (I wasn't nauseus, I just got full really quickly) and ended up losing weight. This time, I'm only 9 weeks in and I've already gained 3 lbs. That doesn't sound like a lot, but I'm coming in with the expectations that I won't be gaining yet! By week 5 most of my pants didn't fit. We're trying not to tell people yet, but I'm already running around with Bela Bands and maternity pants which aren't always easy to hide.
Anyhow, all this to say, I hate that I'm worried so much about weight gain. I hate that I'm thinking about it. I know that if I stop worrying, I'll eat healthier and it will be better for baby. Why can't it just be easy?!
Pregnancy looks good on ya!
Happy second trimester, Charlotte!
Charlotte, you look fabulous! Definitely preggo and NOT FAT at all.
I however, having lost 30 pounds just as I found out I was preggers, am still wearing my 'fat clothes' at 20 weeks and it's really messing with my head. Even though I'm measuring fine, I feel like I'm not very big (since I'm still in 'regular' clothes), and the fat clothes just make me feel, well, fat.
I'm toying with a few ideas for T-shirts, especially for the gym. I'm thinking: "My work out didn't backfire; I'm pregnant!" and the tried and true: Baby on Board!
The OB practice I went to rotated the different doctors, and each one had a different opinion about my weight — one told me to "cut back on the jelly donuts," while others told me I was perfectly normal. The nurse practitioner made a point that I hadn't heard before, though: "Taller women usually gain 35-40 pounds, not the 25-35 they tell you about in books." I'm 5'9.5", so she wasn't a bit worried about the 35lbs. I gained. (And I wonder if this is why Heidi Klum also gains 40-45lbs. each time, or whether it's so variable as to be essentially random among all women.)
Also, when pregnant I made a shirt for myself on Cafe Press that said "Touch the Belly, Lose an Arm". Nobody risked it. 🙂
You look FANTASTIC Charlotte! Very healthy and cute.
I loved this post and could relate to everything. I have nothing to add, just wanted to let you know I am still here and reading …
🙂