This comic is the first in a series drawn by professional comic and GFE reader N8 (sound it out) especially for The Great Fitness Experiment! I can’t tell you how excited it makes me that I have my own illustrator – I’d put it on my business card if I had any. Look for more funnies from him in the future!It all started with a bag of sugar-dusted gummi fruit and a handful of chocolate chips. Well, actually it started last night when I stayed up until 1 a.m. working on my book. Okay, technically it started last weekend when my son got sick and had me up five times a night. Or maybe it all began 6 months ago when I got pregnant and morphed into a sleep camel. No wait, I suppose it really started 7 years ago when my first child was born. Whatever. My point: I am severely sleep deprived.
Insomnia is not my problem – I’m practically a narcoleptic triggered by pillows – it’s just that nobody around here wants to let me sleep. But today has been worse than normal. After clocking just four short hours of sleep, I was up for the day with a two-year-old who thinks just because dawn happens around 5 a.m. that that means the day starts at 5 a.m. Puberty will fix that, I’m sure, but in the meantime I’m stumbling around the house in a fog trying to remember if I have to cook Cheerios.
As I sat down to eat my totally unappetizing breakfast of oatmeal and egg whites, the first craving hit. I wanted candy. The straighter the sugar, the better. “Ah,” my brain quickly observed, “you are exhausted and so you are seeking the sweet sweet love of simple carbs!” My brain is smart. My flesh? Not so much. I grabbed a gummi orange, licking the sugar off my fingertips. “Don’t do it!” my brain screamed. “Don’t fall for his slick come-on! He’ll lift you up just to drop you like a rock once the fun is over! It’s the carbohydrate version of a booty call!” My eldest smacked his brother who retaliated by throwing a fork. The baby cried. I bit into the candy slice. “It’ll only make you feel good for a second! And then you’ll feel like crap.” What a rush! “Remember what happened last time you did this!” my brain cried frantically in one last ditch effort to save me from myself. “It doesn’t have to be this way!” I ate the candy. “You slut.”
Sure enough, I rode the blood sugar coaster of doom all morning long, barely making it through my body pump class and then home again where I decided I would atone for my confectionery transgressions with a healthy lunch. Plans changed however when a dear friend who moved out of the country last year showed up for a surprise visit. The afternoon quickly passed with much laughter but without food. By the time she left I was cross-eyed with weariness. I put the early-rising munchkin down for a nap and then crashed myself. Only to be woken up 20 minutes later by the elder two fully dressed in swimsuits, goggles and grins. “Swim lessons!” they screamed. They were right. Curse the teacher who taught them how to tell time.
I dragged out of bed and changed into my suit. (Side note: hell is shopping for a maternity swimsuit. What is with all the skimpy bottoms? Do they think just because we can’t see our thighs anymore that we’ll somehow forget to look in a mirror? I hate you Liz Lange.) Then I dragged the baby out of bed which did not please him one little bit. By the time I’d gathered all the gear necessary to take 4 people swimming (incidentally also the same amount of gear required by the Swiss Army to invade Lichtenstein), I was ravenous and ready to sleep standing up. But we were late!
What’s a healthy snack to grab on the go? Almonds? Fruit? Jerky? Gummi candies and chocolate chips of course! I guilty washed it down with a piece of cheese one of my kids had left on the table from lunch. My fate was sealed. Today had officially become a Jelly Bean Day. In case you missed the festivities last time around, the celebration of all things sugar lasts all day finally culminating in a grand symphony (candy bar pun intended) of screaming, crying and then a sugar coma.
I should know better. I knew exactly why I was craving all that sugar – everyone knows that being tired give you the sugar shakes. And I knew exactly what I should have done to remedy the situation – eat a meal with protein and healthy fat and take a nap). I even knew exactly what was going to happen because of my actions. So why didn’t I do the right thing? Apparently being tired also makes me a poor decision maker.
Help me feel better – have you ever torpedoed your healthy goals, fully aware of what you were doing and yet you did it anyhow? What do you crave when you’re tired? What do you do to avoid having a Jelly Bean Day?
If I could avoid them, I would be the 10 pounds lighter that I want to be! I have a terrible habit of eating 7-11 brownies when I am tied and stressed. I know that they do know good but it does not keep my car from driving there. Worse than that, I eat them in my car and then hide the trash from my husband. I literally argue with myself inside my head about how bad they are for me but the devil always seems to win –
Charlotte, you just described my day! Okay, I only had one toddler and a dog with a broken leg to deal with, but I too am pregnant and sleep deprived. And I too gave in to the temptation to stay awake with pure sugar (except mine was in chocolate chip and freezie form – sugar + cold = happy pregnant lady). These days I'm letting the sugar monster win far too often…telling myself that I'll start eating better after baby comes (7 weeks!). How long can I fool myself for? We shall see…
This was my Monday! Movie night on Sunday was a disaster as a highly rated PG "kid movie" turned out to be a way too scary nightmare inducing event.(Side note: Coraline while a great movie, is much to dark & mature for those 7 and under). I was rotating between dark chocolate cookies and vanilla ice cream. Wish I knew how to stop the sugar crazy train.
Love the cartoon!
"the carbohydrate version of a booty call", hehe.
Ugh, though- I know all the craving tricks and all that better than the back of my hand and I still fall for them. And then I feel that much worse because I know exactly what I'm doing as I throw health by the wayside. You definitely aren't alone!
god! you read minds!! i swear you hear the conversations in my head and see my actions… the only difference is my downfall is salty fat… yup, chips, i just can't stop.
before the self-loathing kicks in, my mind says, "might as well finish the bag and get it over with. you can get back on the wagon tomorrow."
my actions — especially in light of my mind knowing better — really make me dispair. plus it makes me resent my husband for buying me the chips. i beg him not to bring it in the house. worse, he doesn't even help me eat them. i don't think he even likes them. it's no consolation that he polishes off a 1/2 gallon of ice cream in a single sitting.
grrrrr.
I, too, only had 4 hours of sleep last night. No toddler to wake me, though – just the dog whining to go out at 5 am.
But I turn to potato chips.
Love the cartoon!
Charlotte.
THIS IS MY LIFE.
the end.
p.s. your book?
I had a day like that yesterday. I seem to be having A LOT of days like that lately, which accounts for my much-expanded waistline.
I eat when I'm already full, and when I'm bored, yada yada yada. And being exhausted is a part of that. (I've been tired for 8 years, so i hear ya!)
Being a childless woman, I am of course an expert on what you should do in this situation.
Um… let me rephrase that. What my mother did, was have Older Children, who would do most of the work for her so that she could deal with what we young'uns always thought of as unimportant stuff like sleeping and paying bills and running the household.
So all you have to do is have several more children, and then — Charlotte, what are you doing with that very heavy sledgehammer? Why do you have that look in your eye? Oh gosh, I just remembered a very urgent appointment in Patagonia — sorry I have to duck and run– bye!!!!!
Even without sleep deprivation and a house full of kids, I have days where I eat way more sugar than I intend to.
Fortunately, it seems to be a self-limiting phenomenon–I feel like I've mistreated my body and it makes me want to correct it the next day with Extra Healthy Eating.
It's a scientific fact that a little extra broccoli cancels out excess sugar.
OK, maybe it's not a scientific fact, but whatever. So just eat some extra vegetables, grab some sleep wherever you can get it, and don't beat yourself up for the Sugarpalooza.
You really, really, REALLY need a servant. You poor thing. Last night I went buck wild up in da club with 3/4 of a pint of coconut milk yogurt (vegan = healthy and calorie free, lest you forget). That had nothing to do with sleep deprivation though. 🙂
Seriously, I wonder if one of the girls from your church would be willing to be a mom's helper for the day. You know, running errands, fixing sandwiches… rubbing your feet? Remember, we're supposed to SERVE one another, and that means foot massages.
Yesterday was Sugarpalooza here, too. Everyone stayed up too late the night before, which does not go well with starting earlier wakeups in preparation for the start of school. The kids and dogs were all high maintenance, and it was school supply shopping day. ACK!
My post-kettlebell cup of coffee became a 2nd and 3rd cup of coffee for breakfast, accompanied by two chocolate chunk cookies. The only thing which saved me from myself (for a few hours) was that I'd slathered the cookies with almond butter.
Today will be healthier, but only because I'm cracking the whip. Have to get to sleep earlier tonight, even if if means leaving Dad in charge of the other night owls and putting myself to bed.
Yes, yes, a thousand times, yes.
And it's so embarassing to explain to someone that while I know that I eat when I'm stressed and that sugar will cause me to roller coaster and my stomach hurts when I eat too much sugar/wheat/fat, I do it anyway.
If I could learn to walk the walk rather than just talk the talk I'd lose the last 15lbs that I'm struggling with.
Charlotte-I can help. What can I do for you? Great cartoon! 🙂
The same monologue happens to me when I crave sweets. More importantly, you're working on a book?
Charlotte – I love how you called yourself a slut after you ate the candy! You are too funny for words!
PS: Chips are my weakness or peanuts in the shell, yum.
I'm having one of those days right now – i just got back from early morning work, but to get myself up to go there after too little sleep, I immediately ate two chocolate chip cookies for a sugar rush. Awful, yes. But now that I'm home and feeling a little more awake, I recommend just meeting the sugar craving halfway. I just had crackers with peanut butter (to help me feel full) and a dot of honey on each for the required sweetness. Now, get some rest!
Alas, my Jelly Bean days are also about chocolate, baked goods and ice cream, and tend to last about a week. [Gross-female-TMI warning ON] My period is actually my friend, here, b/c I lose my appetite when I bleed, so somtimes that puts a stop to it. [Gross-female-TMI warning OFF]
You are quite right that sleep-deprivation triggers them, which is probably why a little alcohol seems to mkae it more likely, too. So I have to pass on my occasional evening beer when I'm struggling with the sugar cravings.
You exercise a lot all the time, but I'm pretty sedentary, and I find that getting in a good workout a couple or few days in a row helps settle that stuff down, too, b/c when I'm exercising, my body wants real food, not crap.
So, no bad feelings, you are not alone, we are in the struggle with you. 🙂
I get psychotic when I'm sleep deprived so my husband makes sure I get enough sleep. He'll even go so far as to push me into bed and throw covers on me when I start showing signs of crankiness.
So I don't usually have diet train wrecks when I'm hungry. Mine come with my monthly visitor, and usually it's a whole week of inhaling everything edible within a 10 mile radius.
Sigh…
Another really funny and well written post, Charlotte!!
Thank you!
Wow . . . I so can't relate. I NEVER do that . . . nope, nosiree bob . . . no sugar-when-I'm-tired binges for me . . . *starts to walk off, whistling*
Ok, ok, OKAY. For the love of Pete. I have no ideas on how to fix it, though. (Although now I'm thinking that I might put a sticky note inside the junk cupboard that says, "Warning: Contents are the carbohydrate version of a booty call." I'll let you know how that works out. 😉
Love the cartoon, too! 😀
Being tired + hungry makes me completely irrational (and grumpy)also! I think this is why they invented jelly beans…to get us while we are at our weakest …lol!!!
I was tired from the various creatures in my house deciding I did not need sleep this past weekend, so on Monday, I bought and ate an entire bag of crunch and munch. Thankfully the whole grain of the popcorn and the protein of the almonds made up for the sugar jacuzzi that the food went through to develop that delicious toffee flavor.
I'm still trying to figure that one out too. I used to be all smug when I was a salt craver, but something in my body flipped over about 6 months ago and now I have to keep restrained from eating ice cream out of the carton, peanut butter out of the jar, chocolate chips and fudge out of their respective containers.
I know my answer. If I am going to have a treat, have it. Assemble it, put it in a bowl, have a full serving of something and deal with it. Be done. Move on. Back to veggies and treadmills.
What did I do last Friday? Bite, bite, munch much, finger, spoon, and then a full calories worth of desert later, I realized I didn't even get what I wanted. Boo. That is the biggest goal of the week to stop!
you cant stop the sugar monster EVERY time. i think the best thing you can do is forgive yourself. you'll get back on track (and hopefully more sleep).
i, for one, am pretty excited that you are working on a book.
i sidled up to the computer with a bag of cookies (2 hours after breakfast!) to read TGFE. now i don't feel so hungry…
🙂
yay for a private illustrator! how decadent!
I had a small JBD moment last night. After dinner, I wanted candy. started with a mini Tootsie Roll. then two more Midgees. then a spoon of PB. Then 3/4 of a big slice frozen (ie from the freezer, couldn't wait to even let it defrost a wee bit) chocolate cake. I'd frozen it to save for a PMS day. which, despite appearances, was not last nite.
You crack my soul up!
And the book?…please share!
I am a slave for all nut butters when I'm sleep deprived. They are not children that keep me awake, but kitties! One of them is convinced that she must sleep on my face and purr like a helicopter. If I lock her out she body-slams the door and cries pitifully! The other one is her accomplice and will go along with whatever…but they are just so darn cute, I can't stop loving on them!
agh. this post was just what i needed today! i am on day two of back to eating clean and my body is begging for a "carb booty call!" but i know better and I will win!!! very funny. i did a post today about the 80lbs i have dropped in the last two years!
oh and i love me some ice cream…especially late at night or when i am tired or both or when i am happy or sad or well, anytime is perfect for ice cream!
Avoid a jelly bean day? Never happen. Not for me, anyway. I'm constantly sleep deprived, have been for years, so I'm not sure how to respond. I don't think it's the sleep deprivation that does it to me, I think it's that I have an addictive personality and when I find something I like, I latch on and go for broke. I.E. Red Bull. I got on these kicks and then, suddenly, I don't want it anymore for a while. And then, one day, boom, right back into it full force.
As far as blowing health goals: busted. I'll be really good for a while, then I have a weekend to myself when the family goes visiting other relatives, and everything goes out the window. Of course, then I feel bad about it, and so I hit the exercise even harder for a few weeks. It's probably not the best trade off, but it works.
I LOVE this post. Can I re-post a excerpt from it on my blog if I give you proper citing and link backs?
I try desperately not to give into mine and can go for weeks without it, but I always cave eventually. Normally it happens when I'm stressed, tired, or angry.
You are so funny & LOVE the comic!! WOW, how exciting!
Yes, I have eaten stuff knowing dang well what I was doing. I usually give myself a thorough talking to when I feel like this & if after 10-15 minutes, I still know what I am doing & gonna do it any, well, I am accountable! I like cookies, bread or something like that. Luckily I don't keep to much bad stuff in the house since no kids here! AND, I usually don't do the whole day crazed thing cause I talked to myself first!
Hormone changes have really tested this!!! Along with sleep! 🙂
I once tried to remove all processed sugar from my diet for 2 weeks. During my first set of law school finals. Not one of my best decisions. It made sense, since as exams drew closer and closer, I had begun to eat more and more sugar. I was feeling bad, and obviously sugar was the culprit. My plan lasted a solid 2.5 days. It ended with me lying in bed with my face and drool on Constitutional Law of Canada (somewhere around page 1375), and an empty box of Chips Ahoy. And crumbs EVERYWHERE. In my bed, in my pillowcase, in my duvet, in my hair, in the textbook, smushed onto my cheeks. It was a bad scene.
I decided then and there that I was never going to give up sugar again. I am addicted to the white devil, and that devil is not cocaine. It's refined sugar.
This happens to me all.the.time. But. I just keep reminding myself to not get beat up over it, and that tomorrow's always a new day, a fresh start. I make a promise to myself to eat healthier, natural foods the next day. Sometimes I even pick out a recipe I've been wanting to try as the inspiration/motivation to eat healthier and better.
Yes, this is my life. I cut out sugar and seem to have replaced it with almond butter, which I can eat by the half jar in a single sitting. And of course when I was eating sugar I could down over a pint of ice cream, easily. Sigh!
Yes, I feel your pain! Stupid lady behind the coffee counter says to me after I asked for decaf a second time (short-term memory loss caused by sleep deprivation): "You know the irony is, caffeine helps you be more alert." Well, yeah, so does sleep. But I don't need the 5 mo old to be more alert so I'm still skipping the caffeine and maxing out on sugar…
Grand Symphony- Excellent. Love me a good pun 🙂
I have never had a JBD, but a JB evening sometimes- I tend to go for mini sizes of things- a bite here a bite there, but I figure I can do a good bit of damage, and it's when a craving strikes. LIKE NOW ARGHH.
You have so much on your plate (sorry) that somedays will just be JBDs.
My word. At least in the sugar department..and the thoughts while sort of trying to resist it..I am you and you are me.
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