In one of the saddest examples that perverts will use anything to justify their crimes, a pastor (a pastor!) recently explained that the reason he molested a thirteen-year-old girl on an airplane was because “she was a big girl.” The girl, “Emily”, was flying home as an unaccompanied minor from a weight-loss camp when Jackson Senyonga, a pastor of over 1,000 churches in 4 countries, decided to take advantage of the child traveling alone. He even went so far as to ask to be seated next to her at the beginning of the flight. So what was it about Emily that made her look like a good target for a pedophile? Senyonga could have said a lot of things – that she was obviously alone, that she was young, that she was female – but the excuse he chose was that she was fat.
I have heard many sad accounts of women and girls gaining weight after being abused as a way to shield and/or comfort themselves but this is the first time that I have heard of the reverse. Diabetes, heart disease, asthma and other health issues are known effects of growing up overweight. In addition, overweight kids often carry a social stigma setting them up for abuse from their peers. Research – not that we needed scientists to tell us this – has shown that overweight children are targeted by bullies more often than kids of a normal weight. Anecdotal stories and dozens of teen-lit books (anyone else remember “Nothing’s Fair in Fifth Grade”??) add further evidence of teachers, parents, siblings and even strangers using a child’s weight as an excuse to abuse them in some manner.
It has gotten to the point where teenagers who merely think they are overweight (whether or not it is true) are more likely to attempt suicide. Being overweight also increased the risk of suicide. But the group of teens most at risk for killing themselves? Overweight teens who are very conscious of the fact they are overweight. And sadly, in our society there is no shortage of people ready and willing to tell a kid she’s fat.
The point that rankles me the most about the pastor is that he somehow felt that a girl’s weight made her less human and therefore deserving of being sexually abused. It was as if he thought he would garner more sympathy from a public that is notoriously fat phobic. “Wait, the chick was chubby? Well then it’s all right!” There is a bright side to this depressing bit of news: Emily, despite being just 13, had the presence of mind to jump out of her seat and tell a flight attendant who then notified authorities. This “weak, fat” girl was strong enough to do what many victims do not and stand up for herself. I think this bodes well for her.
Reactions to this story around the internet are varied – some have suggested that this is a call for tough “love”, that this is one more reason why we can’t let our kids become overweight or if they are, get the chub off them by whatever means possible. Others suggest singling out overweight kids for special empowerment classes, essentially warning them early on that they are more likely to be victims of abuse. But many many others are quiet. Too quiet. Why aren’t more people talking about this?
Well, good for her for turning that rat b*st**d in!!!!
Unfortunately, the same "excuse" is used in rape cases in which the victim is overweight; the idea being that she should somehow be "grateful" that a man was "willing," and she "should take what she can get."
Our attitudes toward sexual assault abuse are disturbing, to say the least. It's like we're living in the dark ages! And, yes, I'm sure all the fat-phobes (and MeMe Roth, who believes overweight children should be taken away from their parents and put in foster homes, 'cause that's SO much healthier!) will have lots to say about this. So, rather than focusing on and punishing the abuser, we will once again find a way to blame the victim.
(There's supposed to be an "and" before the word "abuse" there.)
Probably for the same reason I'm not talking much about that lady who mutilated her 3 1/2 week old infant and ate his brain — it's so sad and gross and we hope and pray it's a freak occurance?
Any idea what the girl looks like? Because when I heard that comment ("she was a big girl") I interpreted it to mean that he thought she looked older.
I truly enjoy reading your blog (even if I don't comment every day) and always enjoy the comments, too. Except for the very disturbing comment left today by Granite Gourmet! I had not heard about the story she mentioned, and even just her brief comment has me feeling slightly ill! ("ate his BRAIN"???)
There are so many sick people in this world, it saddens me. This pastor needs to be punished severely for his crime, and then punished again for his so-called defense.
Kids being overweight is such a complex & "weighted" issue. Yes, we do need to talk about it more & make people more aware. I know when I was heavy, I was more likely to do something I did not want to do because I wanted to fit in & be liked. I think this is a common theme among overweight kids.
Charlotte, thx for talking about this. It is SOOOOOOOOOO important!
I think it is a tough subject for a lot of parents because they feel like they are failing their kids and people never want to talk about things like that.
My wife is worried about our oldest (we have 3 kids). He's built a lot like I was growing up. He's active (plays hockey, lacrosse, and soccer), but his endurance isn't great, and it's not helped by the fact that he's "husky".
The tough part is what to do. He is active. We try and give him healthy food choices. But, he's constantly hungry.
So, my wife is torn between not letting him eat when he's hungry and then worrying about his weight.
It doesn't help that my wife is overweight and has struggled to lose weight for years.
The only time I worry about his weight is when he doesn't hustle in games and his teammates don't like it and can say not so nice things.
Must be a dad thing.
I understood the "big girl" comment to mean she looked older, too. I really just can't fathom the idea that anyone would blame sexual assault solely on weight or body size. This is the first I've heard of something like that (possibly) happening.
The more I read about issues surrounding weight/fat the more I realize I've been living in a bubble.
Unbelievable! There are NO excuses for that type of action!
Ditto The Bag Lady. Ugh.
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.
Honestly, I don't think singling overweight children out further (by offering them self-esteem boosting classes) is going to help them.
I think that the issue in this case is that there was an unattended minor (whose mother had paid extra for the flight attendants to watch out for her to some degree) in an enclosed area, and no one noticed that a man changed seats to be next to her. A predator is a predator, and the scum tried to claim that she looked older and indicated that he was looking at her (fully clothed) chest, but didn't see the "Unaccompanied Minor" badge she was wearing.
Azusmom – Really good point about overweight rape victims. It's sad but true.
Granite Gourmet – Gah. I'm going to be sick the rest of the day over that one. Point made.
Dragonmama – Well, I guess I was assuming since she was returning from weight-loss camp that "big" in this case meant "fat" but perhaps I'm wrong!
PS> Can you send me your blog addy again? It doesn't link on your comment and I've lost it somehow…
James W – No, I think it's a parent thing! Your comment so poignantly illustrates that parental tug-of-war between our unconditional love for our kids and society's expectations. Thanks so much for your comment! PS> We have one son that is also very solidly built. I know how you and your wife feel.
Tricia – good point. An excuse is just an excuse. I'm sure he was just looking for any reason to get out of his punishment for his bad behavior.
I always thought they picked on the little kids!
Why do "they" have to pick on anybody? Is this a cross-cultural thing, or a product of an insecure society?
I read your posts everyday and I don't usually comment but this is an exception. This is something I have a big issue with.
I have a cousin who is much younger (shes now in elementary school) and has been so very overweight since she was a toddler. Her parents (my aunt and uncle) were once very close to us as a family, but it was still something that we could not talk about! We felt powerless to say anything. They obviously knew she was overweight, but perhaps they didn't really realize that they were the ones to blame (and I'm not just saying that, they really did instill poor habits in her over the years) and we couldn't exactly come out and say that. It would bring such terrible consequences, shame, and guilt for any parents unless they were the type to be extremely open and willing to see other people's views on their parenting (a rare occurence).
The point is that the entire family can see what a life my aunt and uncle are setting up for their your daughter. She will struggle with this forever- physically, emotionally, and socially. It's such a sad thing to see because children are supposed to be the image of health and vitality.. and many these days are just not that at all. The saddest part is that we don't really know who to blame. The parents? Are they stupid (prob not)? or just uneducated and a bit lost since many themselves struggle with weight? The kids' genes? An excuse many are using but is not truly as prevalent as people like to make it. The schools? For not providing healthy options and not educating their students about this sort of thing (but the again, since when has that been a problem? They've been teaching the same crap for decades, and only now is it a problem). Honestly I think it's bigger than all that. I just read an amazing book called "The End of Overeating" (go get it at the library, will save you some dough) and though some parts were a bit heavy to get through, it spoke a lot about the big picture stuff that we have no control over. Industry. It sounds a bit conspiracy-like, but it's not. it's the reality of the world we live in.
This is the sort of problem that makes me want to be a phys. ed teacher and work with teenage and pre-teen girls helping them with issues about self worth, body image, and taking on healthy lifestyles.
Sorry this is long, but it obviously means a lot to me. Great post.
This just pisses me off on so many levels, from the fact that you find any unoffensive pictures to appropriately illustrate the part about fat kids getting picked on, to the bit about how she thought she was older because OMG! SHE HAZ BOOBZ! to the last line, that this is one more reason why we can't let our kids become overweight or if they are, get the chub off them by whatever means possible, which implies that if the little girl weren't fat, she wouldn't have been attacked (not your implication, I know, but some of what's being said elsewhere).
Seriously, whoever (whomever?) is saying that last part needs a crash course in rape psychology. That little girl's weight had NOTHING to do with it, and saying that we should keep kids thin so they don't get raped/molested is akin to saying that if Teh Wimmenz wouldn't wear short skirts or go out after dark, they wouldn't get raped!
GRRRRRR . . .
I'm just seeing red right now.
Argh! That of course should have been that you COULDN'T "find any unoffensive pictures . . . "
And I hope you know that my anger wasn't directed at YOU, but at the fact that there is nothing out there, which, as you said, is a whole other story.
*sigh* Rage makes me incoherent.
For some reason, when I saw this on my reader, I immediately thought of the 550 lb kid. Didn't expect this. I'm just going to fly my eternal optimist flag and hope that big means older.
But to answer the question your title asks, I can see how someone might think that an overweight individual might have less self esteem and would be less likely to speak up/interested in any attention they can get. Good on this young lady for speaking up.
There may be more layers to this story than you let on, Charlotte. I have some experience working with Africans (Nigerians and Ghanans, mostly), and Senyonga's statement that he went after the girl because she was "big" does not strike me as being a put-down. When Africans say "big" in this kind of context, they mean "mature, healthy," even "sexy"–in fact, if you look at the article you reference, Senyonga says that he thought the young lady was 21 or 22. While this in no way excuses his behavior, it discloses a clear cultural gap between our (Western) culture, which values littleness and thinness obsessively, and African culture, which values bigness, and, yes, FAT, as something not only useful for survival but also sexually attractive. Fat women are beautiful in Africa (and much scarcer there than here), and in other places (one that comes to mind right away is Tonga). So don't blame the pastor for something he did not do. Blame him all you like for being a child-molester; but don't blame him for calling a fat girl beautiful.
anyone who has been the parent, sibling, spouse, or best friend of someone overweight has no idea what he's talking about when saying things like, "No matter what it takes." There are ways we can lovingly encourage and educate, but as with most things it's down to just one person: the overweight one. I get very co-dependent about others' weight, maybe because I realize I barely have control over my own, much less anyone else's.
Anonymous – very interesting point! The cultural implications never crossed my mind but now that you say it I can see what you mean. His comments take on quite a different meaning in that light. Thanks for educating me!
Regarding the comment of the pastor (a pastor! He also runs an orphanage overseas-so who CAN you trust these days?), there is nothing that would justify such atrocious behaviour.
But there stands another issue, as metioned by Phoenix, that since self-esteem and health are directed related, and since these depend a lot on upbringing, parents should take responsibility for the health of their kids.
Its quite sad because I have seen too many situations in which overweight women are abused; thin women also are, but overweight women with lower self esteem sadly are more likely to accept abuse. The main issue here is self-esteem.
I was on the bus recently and saw a mother feed her 9 month baby (already 'larger') french fries and pop for 'breakfast'. The child, who does not know any better, undoubtably will suffer health problems, likely obesity, and the accompanying self esteem issues. I'm not usually so judgemental, but this is poor parenting.
I also noted that the girl was wearing a 'Im-an-unaccompanied-minor' badge. This may or may not have tipped off the man, but I can't think of how such a label would be beneficial?
Thanks for the post, it was necessary.
good thing she tuurned him in.
He's supposed to be someone people look up to. Just because someone is overweight doesnt mean they dont have feelings.Too many ignorrant fat phobes in this society look past that