“It’s official. You are the whitest person on the planet,” Gym Buddy Dennis said to me after we finished Turbo Jennie’s annual outdoor birthday TurboKick extravaganza tonight (seriously, it’s her birthday and she brings us treats!).
As I stood there, sweating so profusely in the near-90 degree weather that my shorts looked as if I’d peed myself, Gym Buddy Megan agreed, “Yeah, when you got here, the first thing I saw coming out of your car was your legs and I was like ‘Hey, there’s Charlotte!'”
Dennis and Megan – you know I love you guys! – are right of course. I’m so pale that I forgot my costume one year for Halloween and everyone just assumed I was Wednesday Addams.
Being ultra pale has some advantages. First, I can rock a retro dress like nobody’s business (not that I have much occasion to get all Dita Von Teese’d up but whatever, I make my own occasion!) Second, I never have to worry about buying reflective gear – all I have to do is wear shorts and I’m set. Third, people can use the word “porcelain” and my name in the same sentence without it involving a frat house, a keg and a carpet stain.
The problem comes when I’m not dressing for a garden party or a midnight run. You know, like, the rest of my life. Let’s be honest: tan is in right now. Certainly ivory white skin has had its time in the sun (har!) in past generations so I’m not begrudging the bronzed folk their turn. But a tan is definitely this season’s must-have accessory. Not only, as every magazine will tell you, does it make you look thinner (question: does that mean being white makes me look fatter?) but a golden glow makes you look healthier, shows muscle definition better, camouflages cellulite and looks better in casual clothes.
What’s a (really) white girl to do?
I’m not going to skin cancer, I’ll tell you that right now. It runs in my family and it’s nasty stuff. So you can just rule actual sun kisses out. I suppose I could keep my legs covered but I tried that as a teen when for two summers in a row I refused to wear anything shorter than ankle length. Eventually I caved to comfort and decided people could just deal with my legs. That’s what sunglasses are for right? Besides, tonight I was doing TurboKick. Outside. In Minnesota. In the summer. If that doesn’t give everyone a free shorts pass, I don’t know what would.
Another option I have is to self-tan. This is not as much fun as it sounds. In my mind that phrase conjures pictures of having the ability to change my skin color at will, like a chameleon super power. In reality it involves spreading a bunch of foul-smelling goo all over my body. And it must be all over my body because seriously what is the point of having tan legs if my arms, face and chest are white? The next problem is that self-tanning is an under appreciated art form. You have to smooth it on just right, making sure to use even strokes and skipping your knees and ankles so that you don’t end up with streaks or orange spots. I always admire girls who can do it and do it right. I suppose I could always pay for a spray tan but that comes down to the real reason I don’t self-tan: you have to maintain it. The definition of futility is spending your entire life literally painting your skin a different color than the one you were born with. To wit:
Was that really necessary?At the risk of sounding like a Dove commercial, the only real solution in my book is for people to be comfortable with the skin they’re in. Are you naturally brown, ebony or any shade in between? Rejoice! Flaunt it! Be proud of that your skin is beautiful without having to do a thing to it. Heaven knows it’s taken society long enough to get to this point. But the flip side is also being able to embrace your epidermis if it is milky, light-n-freckled or downright fish belly.
I’m not saying it’s easy. We all have things we don’t like about ourselves. In fact, I’ve got so many things that bother me about me that I rather think you all are beyond tired of hearing about them. But you know what doesn’t bug me? My skin. I dig it.
Do you have “a flaw” that you actually love? How do you feel about tanning?
PS> Was that, like, the most alliterative post title EVAH? I done myself proud:)
First – yep, that's me!
Being that I have 3 jobs, finding the sun and me together, very hard to do.
2nd – you were not as white as others stated. I was wondering what your shirt said underneath your beautiful, pregnant belly! Forget how white you are, GIRL – I am right there with you. (and Camp Turbo is less than 2 weeks away!)
Char – it doesn't matter what color you are, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
Ah, Charlotte, you're fantastic, pale skin and all. I have to tell you, though, that as soon as we got in the car tonight, I said to Jonathan, "You know, I think Charlotte is even whiter than I am." (And that, my friend, is quite the task.) He has a great picture of you kicking, but our main PC is down and out for a few more days yet. They will be here soon, though, not to worry. 😉
While I prefer the term "fair skinned," I think our skin tones a pretty comparable. I am sporting a lovely sunburn from an afternoon in the zoo and can already feel a new burn tingling from tonight's sunscreen free Turbo. (Who was is that said, "It's 5:30, you're fine!"? I am NOT fine. I am crispy. LOL)
I guess I would say my "flaw" is my covering of freckles. I can't stand the things, but if I so much as glance in the direction of the sun, they're popping out everywhere. My darling daughter has them, too, a sweet sprinkling across her nose…I think they're adorable (on her!) but I'm sure she will be scorning them soon enough.
Had a great time kicking it with you tonight!
~M~
natesmum – You couldn't read the bottom of my shirt?? That was the best part! The top said "I eat brains" and the bottom said "You're safe." I think it's even funnier 'cause I'm pregnant.
Cinderella – loved working out tonight with you guys too! I was just telling my husband that I think I got a bit of a burn on my face from tonight. I too thought I was safe at 5:30 at night!!
Let's not forget that Ra prematurely ages us too! I don't want my skin to look like leather.
Wednesday Addams. hahahahaha
p.s. this month's scientific american mind mag's cove story is about fitness and brain function: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=fit-body-fit-mind
given your penchant for research, you've probably already the article ! either way, review for your readers?
Spray tans are scary. Self-tanners are messy and streaky. Real tans are dangerous. I guess we pale folk just have to live with our reflectiveness.
Yes, I slather on the SPF 90. Because in the California sun, I turn beet red in about 5 seconds flat.
Being very fair skinned I'm naturally very pale and prefer to stay that way. Unfortunately I am currently sporting the classic cyclist's tan. My legs are quite brown to mid-thigh, then pasty white. Likewise my arms are brown up to mid-bicep. It's my fault for not being vigilant enough when applying sunscreen, and it's not particularly sexy either!
I'm soooooo loving my pale skin! The only thing I don't love about it is how easily it fries…I have to pile on the SPF 80 continuously, even on cloudy days, or else I end up looking like an overcooked lobster.
I have really brown arms from lots of walking in sleeveless shirts, but the rest of me is still pasty white. Very sexy when I take my shirt off, I'm sure.
But my husband can't complain, since he has the timeless "mailman" tan. (Which rivals that lovely photo you posted at the top of the article.)
Remember the classic "ice-cream cone" look you get from wearing bikinis?
I'm naturally a little olive skinned but I tend to stay out of the sun. Growing up in South Africa and Australia means I'm hyper-aware of skin cancer (and I'm getting a mole removed at the end of August).
Also, I have no desire to look like an orange freak or a crocodile skin bag when I age.
Porcelain skin for the win
I've mastered the fake-tan art. Here's what you do: tell someone the tricks (stay away from places where the skin is thickest (knees, elbows) until you don't have much left, then apply the lotion to those areas using a moist makeup sponge), then have them rub the lotion on you. They'll be able to see all of you (like the backs of your legs), and will be able to blend it better.
I only do it before something that will require me to wear a skirt or otherwise show my legs. But I'm getting more comfortable in my skin, as I routinely skip it.
Lily – thanks so much for the article! Will do!!
Pip – I dunno, I bet there are quite a few biker dudes out there that would find that really hot!
Dragonmama – Bikinis?!? Hahahah! Oh I might hurt myself laughing. No bikinis on this girl. Not now, not ever. Even a one-piece isn't enough for me as I've got to put board shorts over it. I'm a beach nun:)
I love your attitude about accepting her lighter (society & fashion "faux pas"… oh my!) skin.
And I love that you care about skin cancer.
My older brother was diagnosed with Melanoma when he was 17 years old… he survived, thankfully, but it was a very scary time in our lives.
My uncle died from it a few years ago. The crazy thing is, he is not blood related to us, but still developed the same cancer my brother had.
And my boyfriend's grandpa, who was pretty much his father, died from Melanoma when my boyfriend was in elementary school – far too soon.
Soooo… I've learned to also embrace my lighter-than-society-wants-it-to-be skin and sometimes I break out the bottle (ha, ha). I've gotten pretty good at applying self tanner, but let me tell you, it DOES take practice!
Correction – I love your attitude about accepting YOUR lighter skin… *Drinking more coffee*
I don't tan; I burn, peel, then return to my super pale complexion. But I think it suits me, (when I've used bronzer on my face, I just look jaundiced) and I usually have pink cheeks so I look pretty healthy.
I have used a tan building lotion on my legs, and it works well. It take about a week of daily application to be noticable, and even then it's pretty subtle. Best part is that it is WAY more forgiving than the one-time application stuff, and I don't think it could look streaky.
Fake tanning scares me too!
However, I think the 'flaws' I like about myself are my feet. Totally beat up from years of dance and running, but they're totally lived in and get me through everyday. I take a strange pride in the fact that a lot of my little toes are broken, haha.
I hate the beach and I hate how I look when I am in the sun too long, so I remain milky white. When people comment, I just ask "What is wrong with being skin colored?"
Granted, i DO hate my skin and skin tone (and most everything else about how I look) but I hate it more when I'm sunburned and extra-freckley. So I leave it be. PLUS, if I get a tan, then none of my makeup will look right because I will be … the wrong color for it. And spending loads of money on my "suntan" make up is ridiculous to me (I like the good stuff — MAC, which is expensive).
I may have to challenge you on that "whitest person on the planet" title! Instead of porcelain white, I think fish-belly pasty describes me more appropriately. My high school boyfriend's friends used to refer to me as "the ghost". Oh and to top it off, I've got a serious case of spider veins all over my right leg (not the left, just the right – werid). So yeah, I tend to downplay my legs by having really great hair (on my head, not on my legs).
And I'm with you on the self tanner thing – I don't have the time or the patience to maintain it. So I shall forever be the pasty white ghost, and maybe I should care more, but really I don't.
I am approximately the whitest person ever (I have honestly met people suffering with albinism who are darker than me!). I am a natural red head. It happens. And I can pull off bold lip stick like you wouldn't believe.
I think you should be happy about being white and I beg to differ about tan being in! If you take a look at the runway shoes for the past few years, you will see a lot of the top models are VERY pale (and look like aliens). I even read an article in Elle (I think) stating that tan is outdated and pale is in. So really, us porcelain gals should hold our alabaster heads high, and thank Twilight for making us all the rage.
I actually prefer the pale look – and am very jealous of you people who don't tan within 10 minutes of being out in the sun even with SPF 45 full spectrum sunblock on. I have about 50 different random tan lines (socks, bracelets, sandals, bike shorts, etc.)
I guess I just like the look of creamy skin.
That said, I think the whole tanning thing is silly. Especially when people pay to do it. They're paying to give themselves skin cancer…that's just silly.
If we weren't supposed to tan, why were we given melanin?
PS: My states economy is almost entirely based on tanning so I have to be careful 🙂
I'm noticing a strange pattern here. Nearly everyone posting, myself included, count themselves amongst the pasty masses. This begs the questions: 1) Are we really as pasty as we think we are? 2) Is the side effect of pasty skin that you sit inside and blog and comment on blogs? This would explain all the comments. Curiousity requiring a follow-up survey, which I have not the time to perform. It's still interesting; or maybe it's just me.
As my mom likes to say, "we're pasty with pride!" 😉 My whiter-than-white skin used to really bug me when I was a teenager (especially my legs). But now I think I've managed to get over it. I think motherhood has helped me with that – I've got so much else to worry about…like, I don't know, raising (and growing!) other humans…why fret over the shade of my skin??
P.S. I happen to like that my foundation makeup shade is called "Ivory". 🙂
P.P.S. I love your use of the word "opalescent"! Your skin IS gorgeous. 😉
hehe – the google sense ad at the bottom was for a self tanner.
I'm also pale, but often very pink as opposed to white. Not from the sun, just a blushing affliction I guess. I always say my skin is not white, it's see-through. So you can see my blood wherever it is, bruising at nothing, and terrible blue under-eye circles. I don't mind it in the winter. And sometimes I'll see somebody so stunning in their paleness it makes me happy (particularly dark haired women in the snow. lovely).
I am a redhead and naturally very pale. I could sit in the sun all day and I won't tan – I will burn and/or just get more freckles.
I will do self-tanners sometimes – although it gets expensive and it takes a lot of time. Plus, I have to always worry about upkeep. I can't take a bath or sit in the pool without it all coming off. And the people who tell you to have somebody help you put it on your back? Well, how does that work if it's just you and the cat?
And no matter how many people say pale is chic – most people don't like it. Some celebs might be held up as lovely – but I always get comments. Negative comments. People always insist on pointing out just how pale I am – as if I hadn't noticed or something. But like I said – I do not get tan!!! So telling me to get a tan is not a solution. And since when it pointing out what you think is wrong with a person acceptable. Do I tell you that your hair line is receding and why don't you just grow some hair or go get a transplant? Why must people keep telling me how pale I am?!?!? I know – and it's rude!!
I, for one (and maybe the only one), do like to be tan. I do not fry to a crisp but sitting out in the summer and reading is my most guilty pleasure. I try to never burn and do understand the dangers but figure that something is going to get me in the end.
I SO HEAR YOU. I went to school with an albino girl. My skin was paler. No, really. And during my teen years, when I tried to tan, I looked slightly less pale, but still white as a sheet next to everyone else. Eff that.
I used to self-tan, but now I'm too lazy.
These days, I just don't care. Although I do tend to dye my hair either really dark or bleach it really light. Turns out one of the hidden benefits to really dark or really light hair is that I can rock the white skin as a fashion statement! Woo-hoo!
(This of course means I will NEVER go back to my natural hair color, LOL.)
Especially with skin cancer in your family, you are one smart cookie to stay "porcelain"! I have a friend that has super bad skin issues right now. She grew up in Palm Springs in the sun & has NUMEROUS lesser skin cancers they are watching & she has to put on this cream that is dreadfully painful that brings all the bad cells to the surface & even then they still have to "dig" to test more stuff. It is endless & I am constantly scared I am going to "lose" her to this disease! It is bad stuff!
I used to tan like crazy before all the info got out there. When I grew up way back when, it was baby oil & such.
I don't do self tanners or anything like that because I find them too hard to put on right & I shave so often being in the gym so much that I figure I would be just shaving it away!
Being honest, I do like the look of a little color on me but I do use my sun block now & I hope the my early years don't catch up with me.
It is funny to see my daughter (who got the beautiful italian olive skin that somehow skipped me) and my youngest boy (who inherited red hair and true fish belly white skin) together. Talk about interesting genetic mixes.
I am sporting a hilarious tan right now. The left half of my body is tanner than my right due to either playing tennis or being at my daughters tennis lessons early in the morning (sun is very low in the sky, so my left side is shading the right side of my body). I tend to remember to put sunscreen or a hat on to protect my face. So my face and neck are still pasty white. AND I have the tan lines from the socks and shorts/tennis skirt. Sexy baby!
As a fellow dark hair fair skinned person, I think you are beautiful! 🙂 Tans are overrated.
However…all the running outside I did this season put a little color on me (I try to be good with sunscreen but running a 5k today on a cloudy day? yeah, I know I should but notsomuch). I am ok being pale but I can't say I'm not liking to be a *little* darker for a change.
Oddly enough my family teases me about it. We're not sure where I got the fair skin gene (although in all other aspects I am definitely my parents' child) and it's like they don't take skin cancer seriously. 😛
Dr J, not all of us were given melanin in large quantities 🙁
If skin cancer doesn't deter people, maybe vanity will. Growing up, I used to gnash my teeth because my skill will not tan, while all my friends were brown. Nowadays, I look a good fifteen years younger than they do. Tans do not wear well.
Not only will my skill not tan, my skin won't do so either.
(Definitely time to back away slowly from the keyboard; my brain has started the weekend already.)
ive pretty much accepted my paleness – the only thing i dont like is how my blushes glow so vibrantly under my translucent face
I don't like sprayed-on tans but real ones are hot.
I am religious about wearing sunscreen, yet somehow I still have tan lines from t-shirts, shorts, and ankle socks that are pretty hideous if I try to wear a bathing suit.
I suspect that if you get enough sun damage when young like I did, you can't erase it later no matter how much sunscreen you put on. (Though you can certainly make it worse if you don't at least try!).
Pale white girls unite!
I am super pale with extremely dark brown hair as well. It's beautiful so keep it that way! Do I blind people with my white legs? Yes! Do I wear skirts and shorts anyways because my legs look fantastic? Yes! Do I slather on the sunscreen by the gallon so I can go have fun in the sun without worrying about getting brunt? Yes!
So don't worry about it. Before you know it pale will be the new tan, again 🙂