A lot of research and discussion has been devoted to how people eat in groups. We already know that people eat about 30% more when dining with friends and that teen girls have a reduced incidence of eating disorders when they participate in family dinners and that we eat more in “healthy” restaurants, among other interesting food-as-a-social-construct tidbits. But a new book (which I haven’t read but really want to, thanks NPR!), What We Eat When We Eat Alone, finds authors Deborah Madison and Patrick McFarlan on a quest to discover how people choose to eat if left entirely to their own devices.
The question du jour – what do I eat when I eat alone? – is one I have not given much thought to. This is probably because I honestly cannot remember the last time I ate alone. Having wee ones at home 24/7 precludes any semblance of normal dining, much less solitary dining. In fact, these days I’d settle for a meal where nobody regurgitates their food, throws silverware or insults my cooking while invoking their favorite potty word.
The last time I was alone at all, when I accompanied my husband sans children on a business trip, I was too busy relishing the fact I got to lounge around on a pillow-top mattress and watch all the MTV I could guiltily enjoy (what?) to worry about eating. I had a bag of trail mix, a packet of turkey jerky, instant oatmeal that I could make with the coffee maker, and a mint chocolate Luna bar to tide me over during the days until dinnertime when we’d go out with his coworkers to some crazy expensive restaurant and eat a lot of yummy food. Which brings me back, again, to the fact that I haven’t eaten alone years.
Still trying to answer the question, I went way back in time to my pre-marriage college years. And you know what? Between living with 3-5 other girls (don’t ask), dating and coworkers I don’t think I ever ate alone even then! How weird is it to be a grown woman of 31 and to have never had a memorable meal alone? Thinking back on it, I came to an epiphany of sorts – I don’t like to eat alone. If I am alone, I don’t eat. I don’t “forget” per se, like some people claim to do, but I’ll put off eating until I can share a meal with others. I guess I’ve always been a social eater.
So my long-winded answer to what I eat when I’m alone is that I don’t eat meals alone. I’ll snack – or not – until the rest of the pack shows up dragging the wooly mammoth behind them. But someday all my kids will be in school (I know, I can’t imagine it either) and ostensibly I will have at least one meal a day all by my lonesome. Will I make lunch dates with friends? Call my sister and eat on the phone with her? (Yes, we do that.) Or will I finally learn to enjoy the pleasure of solitary dining?
All of which makes me wonder what you eat when you eat alone. Do you cook yourself a beautifully crafted, nutritionally balanced meal eaten off real china at the table? Lean Cuisine in front of the TV? Or do you just kinda snack like me?
I eat alone a lot. In the winter, when the Rancher is working long hours off the ranch. I have the absolute worst eating habits – I'm too ashamed to tell you what I eat.
I always wait to eat supper with him, though, because at least then I'll have something nutritious!
(Actually, I eat bran cereal in the mornings, and cheese for lunch – covering all the bases! Hahahaha)
I usually eat fish or seafood when I'm alone, simply because I love it and my boyfriend hates it. So when he works late I grab some fresh fish, mussels or shrimps at the grocery store and a veggie of some sort to go with it. All the meal is ready in no time and supper yummy!
I lived 'alone' for a couple of years (I had roommates in the same house but we never really ate together) so it isn't unusual for me to eat alone, and now that I live with my boyfriend and we have very different work schedules, so again, not unusual.
I'm a compulsive eater, so left to my own devices is not such a good thing all the time! I tend to go for the "bad" foods and often go overboard. Although, lately it's a little better – I make a spinach and fetta "pizza" (on flat bread) or something that my hubby won't eat 🙂
I eat alone while working but I would feel incredibly guilty clocking out and enjoying a lunchby myself because it would be time away from my children, so I eat whatever is fast and generally not all that nutritious. It used to be lean cuisine but now i dont have a microwave, so its gone down to peanuts, almonds and fruitsnacks- and a fuze drink- so sad…but then I can get home earlier. I should treat myself better. I went out to lunch once by myself in a sit down place and felt SOOO weird. I can not eat or go to movies by myself
I don't eat alone much, either. Usually one of the kids is home by lunchtime, so that precludes even one meal solo.
But If I WERE to eat alone, it would be something I was REALLY craving, something I like that maybe Hubby and the kiddos don't. Even something simple like roast chicken and salad, followed by a cookie
Snacking works the best. I hate to eat alone. Except on dates or at parties. Then I just don't eat. Too paranoid and self-conscious.
laughed out loud at what you said about having the kids around and no solo time.
I have only ONE and thought: we get a chance to eat alone?!
Before she came along, however, I was the same.
same alone as with friends/husband.
I
boring
that
way 🙂
There are two different answers to this for me. When I was obese, I ate candy, cakes and chocolate when I was alone – seriously!
Now that I lost all my weight (150 lbs), I will choose to eat something more healthy. In both cases, I don't ever cook a full meal for myself when I'm alone – I'm a snacker at heart.
Amy's in front of the computer/book I'm reading.
When Husband is away I will usually make something that he doesn't like. Most of the time I do vegetarian when I'm on my own and it is often a good chance to try out some new vegetarian recipe.
Or sometimes I just eat nachos. 🙂
I try to set a good example when eating at the office or in front of my husband or daughter. So when I get a chance to eat alone (which is often during primetime while husband is at school and toddler is in bed) it is often something junky that I tell people I don't eat, but really do! Last night it was Rocky Road ice cream…
It can be really hard to motivate yourself to cook a full meal just for yourself. I'm part of the snacking alone group.
I actually eat much healthier when eating alone. I don't have to worry about my husband making funny faces at my tuna salad, or my co-workers telling me I eat "bird food".
When out with a group? Forget about it…I tend to go overboard because that's "how everyone else is eating".
my thng is that when I eat alone, I tend to eat out of larger, abnormal eating vessels. Like right now, I am eating straight out of a watermelon half with a spoon. Not even kidding – it's on the family room coffee table as we eat, a gigantic half-a-watermelon, half-empty, with a spoon. Or I eat straight out of th PB jar. Or bring the whole box of cereal with me to accompany a yogurt, versus actually putting some in a box. I would never do these things if company were over (well, the cereal thing maybe). It's like I'm an animal when no one's watching!
I always eat the weirdest stuff when I’m alone; I guess I just feel compelled to use up our leftovers. It’s usually combinations that no one else would like, but I love having a taste of everything (and making a “balanced” meal). Take yesterday’s lunch for instance: 1 hard-boiled egg, 1 piece of whole wheat peanut butter toast, vegetable medley (broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots) and a peach. My husband thought my lunch sounded gross, but I loved it and it kept me full for hours!
I am weird…I do like to eat alone, but then I don't mind eating with others. What I HATE is when I'm at work eating and my co-workers come in and bug me while I'm eating. (I eat breakfast and lunch at my desk, bad bad). Leave me alone, people! But I love to eat with a large group – I find that I take my time and it just makes it more enjoyable.
Maybe it's because cooking is like art to me, and maybe it's because I'm committed to eating a healthy diet, but when I'm alone I cook the same as when I am not. I try to make meals that are photo-worthy
🙂
Char – Ooooo! This is a good one! Remind me to decline any invite for dinner at your house! Sounds like a circus! 🙂
Anyway, me being a single mom, Dad & I have now split Nate 50/50, one week on, one week off. My diet has gone in the gutter when he is not home. Last night after the gym, ramen noodles and 1/2 a bag of peanuts (salted in the shell – how do they do that?) Anyways, I was very naughty. The other day I ate a full frozen pizza, by myself. Once I open a bag of chips, those are gone within days also.
I always cook a better meal when he is home. I just find it harder to cook for one, my Grandma agrees.
I have what could be referred to as an unhealthy relationship with food. The problem is that when I'm alone, usually after the young one's bed time while my wife is still at work, I usually eat my standard Rosemary & Olive Oil Truiscuits with shredded cheddar and feta warmed for 40 seconds in the microwave and topped with a dash of sea salt. Heaven!
So, my unhealthy obsession with food is that I like it way too much. My wife jokes that I'm a vegetarian that doesn't eat vegetables (too be fair, she used to be right, but I've gotten better…when others are around). I love sugar, I love cheese; so my diet consists of chocolate, pizza, homemade mac & cheese (usually of the six cheese variety), and various carbs. I like to eat alone so I can savor without distraction, but it's not terribly healthy.
Charlotte, I know how you can go for the rest of your life without ever eating a meal alone. This plan will guarantee you have someone with you at all times. The only trick is that you might have to change your last name to Duggar. :^0 Yeah…I said it. Smiles.
I should also add that when out with people I tend to eat less, only because I'm spending too much time conversing and then find that I'm extrememly hungry later because I ate almost nothing at the meal. It's my version of the extreme calorie burn.
I eat alone all the time, even if I have the option of eating with others. IE, work: I always eat at my desk, or occasionally on nice days I'll drive to a park nearby, book in tow, and eat alone there.
But I'm a lone wolf by nature and prefer it that way. When eating with others sometimes I worry I'll suddenly begin choking, or dribble food out my mouth, or–horrors!–abruptly vomit up everything I just ate.
But I'm neurotic like that.
I do love eating with my husband and we'll try to plan meals together but even then, it doesn't always work out (we often make separate dinners).
I also eat alone a lot…my roommates and I have different schedules, plus I'm vegan and they aren't so we don't eat the same things very often. I like cooking for myself though- chopping vegetables is a great way to relax for me, and I love sitting down at the table with my food and really enjoying it.
To be fair though, when I am stressed or not in the best mood, you can find me in the kitchen with a spoon holding a pint of Coconut Bliss or eating chocolate chips out of the bag. So if I'm stable, eating alone is great, but if not, then there can be issues.
I need to add that I eat healthy when eating alone. Sometimes absurdly so. I just can't bring myself to nosh on junk when alone….AHEM, I take that back! Unless I'm PMSing like mad, then I'll have some chocolate but not an absurd amount.
My husband or son are usually around, so I rarely get to eat alone, but I love it when I do.
I fix myself little variety plates such as: A deviled egg, a few meatballs with a little side dish of spicy mustard, a pile of spiced cashews, and an artistic array of chopped veggies around the border.
The guys don't consider this a real meal, and it's a waste of time fixing something like this for them.
I eat all my meals alone every single day, except for special occasions. My boyfriend and I live together, but we have different schedules and eat different things, so while we might eat at the same time, we don't eat the same meal.
I work really hard to make balanced meals for myself, but then I end up with not a whole lot of variety. I pretty much eat the same things every day. I like the feeling of control that it gives me…even though I know it's not all that healthy to have SO MUCH control.
Eating in restaurants alone is kind of fun too! I have traveled alone a lot and have had to eat alone. I had one adventure in Budapest where they stuck me in the basement of the restaurant and I was the only one there, just reading my tour guide, sipping my tea. After about 10 minutes all the electricity went out…and they just left me there while they scrambled to light candles! Finally I asked (or gestured–I don't speak Hungarian) if I could be moved upstairs and of course they let me. It turned out to be the best meal of my life!
I don't eat alone that often anymore but in college I did a lot. I would make a big pan/pot of something and eat off of it for a week. Or I would make a salad or something. I also go to restaurants and movies alone, I think it is important to "take yourself on dates" because always waiting for someone else to go with you means you can miss out on a lot.
In truth I ate healthier and smaller portions when I ate alone, now I tend to try and get it before it is gone, my BF has got a big appetite, trying to be watchful of this and remember it is better he eats it then me! (he is very active and can handle/needs a few more calories then me just to keep running)
I actually love eating my breakfast alone. I wake up starving, make my oatmeal or my egg white/salsa and english muffin (sometimes both) and enjoy the quiet before my kids wake up. If there are distractions it's like I can't enjoy eating as much.
Hmmm…very rarely now do I eat alone. If I'm working through lunch I usually pack myself a turkey sandwich, fruit, a salad, maybe a can of soup – light healthy easy stuff. Even more rare is eating dinner by myself but it's split between eating leftovers or snacking on what's in the fridge (for some reason it's *ok* if I'm alone). Sometimes I'll whip up something cooky that I've been wanting to try that the fiance doesn't like, but I'm usually more concerned about getting in front of the tube to catch up on So You Think You Can Dance or some other crappy reality show no one else wants to watch with me.
I used to use those time to stuff myself with bad stuff so no one could see me eating crap, but now I try to eat that stuff out if I'm craving it so people will think I'm more *normal*.
I often eat popcorn when I'm alone. Or I'll nibble and munch on a bunch of things… a bite here and there so I get a little bit of everything.
I so much prefer to eat with other people than to eat alone, though.
I eat alone most of the time & just eat my healthy mini meals. BUT, I am different from the studies. I tend to eat less when I am out with people because they EXPECT me to be good. I have more trouble when I am alone not going for the treats… I use that strategy on my blog post today among others…. like keeping busy!
Hmm…I usually pack a bunch of snacks for my school day -like a little cucumber/tomato salad, some crackers, yogurt, almonds, juice, etc. But that's semi-in-public since I'm in a class of like 30 people. When I'm ALL alone, I eat one thing from each food group and leave it at that. It's usually a ridiculous mix of foods, but I'm pretty happy, so it's ok.
I mostly eat alone, as I live alone, and can't afford to eat out much. I usually just snack, sometimes make something, sometimes eat leftovers.
I'm an incredibly lazy eater. Left to my own devices, I'd eat nothing but cereal, just for convenience's sake. Other than that, if I'm alone it's pretty much snacking … almonds, cereal bars or popcorn if I'm feeling motivated enough.
I hate eating alone! If I *have* to, I'll eat somewhere public. And I never cook for just myself. Eating alone is really triggering to some dormant eating disorder behaviors for me. This is probably one of the biggest reasons I don't wanna move out of my parents' house after college 😛
I'm unemployed and eat alone a lot. Mainly I stick with my healthy eating habits. If the world ended and I didn't have to look good anymore, I'd hit the tomato sandwiches with mayo, chocolate, circus peanuts, eggs, eggs, eggs, and a special sandwich I used to have in Buffalo, NY: a Sherie Melt (a big pita of melted gooey cheese and mayo and diced tomato baked in the oven).
I eat alone a lot. Left to my own devices it's usually something I can make a big batch of and reheat, turn into another dish, or freeze so I can then eat it without effort for lunches. It usually involves soup or rice, and lots of vegetables. I've found that I usually opt for vege protein when eating along. Just too much work to cook chicken if it's only for me!
I definitely eat more when I eat with someone else (even one other person) than I do when I'm alone. I guess this is because when I eat alone, I don't make an actual MEAL for myself, but rather pick at stuff and then occupy myself some other way that isn't at all food-related. when someone else is around, all there is is food and conversation. And food. So I eat more. And I'm ashamed to say that if I eat with someone like my husband, I'm more than likely going to pick from his plate if he's having something I'm not (like rice). I won't actually give myself a serving of rice, but I will have a spoonful (or four) from his.
Wow, I got all freaked out when I saw this post at the bottom of a BlogHer ad, because I wrote about the same thing today. Hrm. Hadn't heard of that new book, though!
Here's my post.
Jessie
Hi Charlotte!
Like the Bag Lady, I happen to eat alone pretty often myself. But far from being ashamed to tell you what it is I eat, I'm glad to say I really do prefer simple and healthy when I'm eating by myself.
I graze on kashi bars, boiled or poached eggs, handfuls of berries, apples, grapefruit (no sugar thank you), a couple of tablespoons of cottage cheese or yogurt w/granola. An actual "meal" means a salad or – once in a great while if I'm really hungry – a peanut butter sandwich (we all need a little fat, right?!). My husband developed an aversion to peanut butter at some point in his life before we met, so it's usually hiding in the back of the cupboard…and it's all mine!
I usually eat with other people, and that drives me to eat better. When I'm making food for my kids I make sure they eat healthy. But, while I make every effort to give them a square meal, I usually end up eating the left over fish sticks, or "main course" of the meal, avoiding the fruit, and often the veggies altogether. If I've fed my kids and I'm left to find food for myself (the closest version I have to eating alone), I will often do what's easiest: cereal, pretzels, or a granola bar. I guess it's good that my husband is an EXCELLENT cook, or I'd die of malnutrition!!
I can truly relate. I dislike eating alone so I'd eat really small meals when I'm alone to finish the meal really quickly, or just have food to go. Eating alone while walking seems less… well… lonely haha 😛
Lately though I've been warming up to the idea of eating alone. I've been eating early lunch alone in the office for a month now and the meal is starting to get more comfortable.
When I am alone I eat fruit, egg whites, soup, and occasionally left overs from the night before. I am the only one in my office 80% of the time, so I would presumably eat a lot of lunches along, but its normally too busy for that.
Oh, dear.
My usual dinner if I'm alone is string cheese and a pickle, with a lime popsicle for dessert.
Tres healthy, non?
I do not enjoy cooking just for me, but I love making food for other folks. It's always a better idea for me to eat with company (in spite of ED fueled fears of eating in front of others…we're working on it…).
But if you snack when you eat alone, then that is what you eat when you're alone: you apparently don't make yourself a meal?
I loved Your blog & having very nice thing in it..
Organic Goji Berries
I just read your book and love it! Partly because you’re super hilarious, partly because you’re super honest about your eating disorder past and partly because the colours on the front cover made me smile each time I picked it up.
I like this post because I never seem to eat a proper meal alone either and I thought I was the only one. I’d snack and all, but I just don’t “see” the need to make a “proper-sit down meal” just for myself…it feels lonely!
Anyways, just thought to tell you I love your blog, book and can’t wait for the next one! 🙂
Cheers.