Check out this snippet I uncovered in which a popular celebrity talks about arguing with their significant other:
“I say, ‘You have to go and stop talking to me, because I’m going to kill you. I’m going to stab you with something, please leave.’ I’d never own a gun for that reason,” says [name redacted]. “I wouldn’t shoot to kill. But I would shoot them in the leg, for sure.”
Who could it be? What if I told you it was a recorded phone conversation between Chris Brown and a buddy discussing the incident with Rihanna? Well, it isn’t. And it’s not OJ Simpson either. It’s actually the ever-quotable Megan Fox talking about her fiancee Brian Austen Green.
Hilarious, right?
The other day I was talking to the group of teenaged girls from my church that I volunteer with every week. They are, to a one, smart, funny, beautiful and nice girls. And yet, when talk turned to how frustrating brothers can be, one girl said she deals with her sibling by hitting him.
“Why do you do that?” I asked her.
“To get him to shut up,” she answered perfunctorily.
“Does he hit you when he gets upset?”
“Oh no!” she exclaimed. “He’d get in way too much trouble!”
I paused. “So why is it okay for you to hit him then?”
“Well it’s not like I really hurt him. Besides, he thinks it’s funny.”
The truth is, she being quite petite and her older brother being quite big, she probably doesn’t hurt him. But since when does the amount of pain inflicted justify violence? Working with domestic violence survivors – I did a year-long stint working at a battered women’s shelter and nine months on call as a rape-crisis counselor – I have spent quite a bit of time trying to teach women that it’s okay to fight back, to stand up for yourself. And being a survivor of dating violence, I’ve spent a lot of time telling myself that as well. I’m certainly not going to say that a woman needs to take abuse, but this doesn’t give us a free pass to hurt another person.
Like the girl from the example above, many often cite the women-are-the-weaker-sex argument in their attempts to justify violent speech or behavior. I’d say that Megan Fox makes an excellent, if unintended point here: guns level that playing field. Yet somehow in our popular culture we have decided that violent females are cute, sexy – Megan Fox’s current film Jennifer’s Body is a horror movie based around the concept of a hot girl who literally eats men – or the most cringe-worthy: empowered. This idea of female empowerment = violence is so popular these days that I saw the chicks rule logo above on a t-shirt at Wal-Mart. In the little girls section.
I get that traditional horror flicks have long traded in victimized (in oh so many ways) females; it’s one of the many reasons I detest horror movies. But does going so far in the other direction make it any better? Rather than striving to raise the number of female serial killers to equal that of men, I think our time would be better spent in not glamorizing serial killers of any gender. The funny thing is that apparently women love horror movies. The New York Times recently examined this paradox:
“Recent box office receipts show that women have an even bigger appetite for these films than men. Theories straining to address this particular head scratcher have their work cut out for them: Are female fans of “Saw” ironists? Masochists? Or just dying to get closer to their dates?”
What do you think about Megan’s statement? Would you not take her seriously knowing that she’s a petite, gorgeous girl? Do you find the “girls kick boys’ butts” message empowering? Are you a girl who loves horror movies?
I think violence should be taken seriously, regardless of who is making the threat.
Finding empowerment through violence undermines any effort to reduce violence against women. It's counter intuitive.
I don't know if this is a sad state of affairs, but I stopped taking Megan Fox seriously…well…I never took her seriously. Maybe that's a problem. George Carlin once made a joke about people saying, "It's the quite ones you have to look out for." His response: "Yeah, and while you're paying attention to the quiet ones, some loud [expletive deleted]'s going to stab you." Maybe Megan falls into that second category and should be taken seriously? I'm not one to say. I haven't had to personally deal with workplace or domestic violence, so I think I should stop now before I get myself into trouble.
Joshua
The Technical Parent
Megan Fox's interviews are so full of false bravado and cries for attention it almost makes me long for the stuttering, chin ducking Kristen Stewart's interviews. I promise I won't even mind the ticks and the squints.
Well, sort of.
Unfortunately, isn't this the kind of thing that we teach girls is desirable? To be a strong, powerful woman? A sexy hot butt-kicker, a la Angelina Jolie? As Natasha points out, it's a form of empowerment. The problem is, it's a dangerous one because it assumes that the female's target is not going to fight back.
It's a stupid attitude, and one that irritates me every time.
Reverse the roles. Is it ok now? Then it's not ok to start with.
I think the Walmart t-shirt is a bigger problem than Ms. Fox. She's just a daffy starlet saying something that people of both genders experience – rage can be hard to control. She's not joking, she's revealing an unattractive, weak side of herself. May she live long & well enough to be embarrassed by this quote someday.
That t-shirt is vile. There's nothing cute or funny about promoting violent behavior by kids for corporate profit. I'm a tall, athletic woman and I had several serious fights in elementary school. It wasn't taken seriously because I was just a girl. I struggled for years to learn to manage my emotions and I totally resent the still-present idea that violence from women is somehow acceptable.
I loathe horror movies buy my female boss loves 'em. The Saw series in particular.
I am a female who enjoys many horror movies. I particularly like the psychological horror movies. In my opinion there's nothing scarier than where your own mind can take you.
Ultimately, it's the adrenaline rush of fear that I enjoy (particularly when it's in a controlled environment like a movie theater or roller coaster ride or even an occasional tandem sky dive).
I love horror movies. I read an interview with the director (?) of Jennifer's Body. She stated that the real horror was in the co-dependent nature of the relationship between the two main girl characters. And with all Jennifer's actions, the other girl (Needy) remains dependent upon her friend for her own self-worth.
Anyway, I think Megan Fox is full of crap in most of her interviews. She wants to come off as cool and edgy but instead comes across as crass and stupid. However! condoning violence or threatening violence is always wrong, whether the aggressor is a 90 lbs gal or a huge guy. Its something that needs to be taken seriously.
I hate horror movies because I have an active imagination and scare myself easily. I can't use the bathroom with the shower curtain closed because I get worried that someone is in there.
I do think there's becoming a double standard where it's okay for a woman to hit or be a bitch but a man doing the same thing is abusive. I'm not talking about self defense, I'm talking about "normal" behavior. It's just plain wrong.
The one thing I do like about Megan Fox's statement is that she IS verbalizing her frustration. If you take out the middle (violent) part it becomes "You need to go and stop talking to me……please leave." Which is a very healthy statement.
But for some reason she feels that the message needs to be stronger, so she chooses to add the violence part to it.
I think it exemplifies (along with your playful hitting example) how women are searching for some way to express themselves and be taken seriously.
It seems to me that violent behaviour, whether male or female, has increased dramatically in recent years, and it worries me.
Which is why I hide out on the ranch. Big scaredy-cat, me.
I predicted long ago that there would be much more violence in the world because I figured it was the only thing that my peers didn't like!
The comment makes me laugh. Another Megan Fox quip for the books.
I don't think this is a big deal. Sometimes I feel like throttling or strangeling my bf because he's getting on my last nerve. It happens. Do I actually do it? No. I think she's just being flippant and voicing a common desire that can flit through our brains in moments of irritation or anger.
I fought back a lot growing up with 3 brothers so it's just something that is natural to me. I have to provoked but I do fight back.
I'll admit to the liking of cheesy horror films…but the comical obviously bad films, not the scary serial killer "way too real" sort of things. I work in pathology and see the real deal, and that takes any curiosity or enjoyment out of that sort of thing plain and simple – it's real people with real lives. No thanks.
As far as actual violence – nope. Nada. Dislike it. I don't understand the need to watch it. I realise that might seme like a contradiction, but it is waht it is. I also don't understand how female "empowerment" allows for violence. I dont' see why it is OK…it comes off to me often like a woman being slightly violent is OK, as "oh she really couldn't hurt them anyways"…which to me goes right back to being the opposite of empowering women in the first place.
Respect and dignity are the key. Any sort of violence in my mind is unacceptable. My Dad was an english teacher…I was raised that "the pen is mightier than the sword". Using your wit and eloquence as a rebuttal takes infinitely more skill…
Personally, I would take Fox VERY seriously – just like I would ANY admittedly unstable, unmedicated-but-with-a-serious-mental-illness person. She's much more likely to handle her anger, aggression, etc. in unhealthy and unpredictable ways than someone who is more stable.
I'm also confused by the Times quote about Saw. Maybe I'm not remembering it correctly (frankly, I wasn't impressed – I thought the plot was shaky and it relied entirely on tons of gore and a surprise twist ending, which they then tried to replicate in 9832475938475 sequels without it being surprising anymore, left a lot lacking), but I really thought most of the victims, if not all, in that movie were guys. Saw definitely didn't have the dumb blonde running UP the stairs to get away from the masked chainsaw guy, so I'm not sure why I'm supposed to be offended by that.
In any case, there's a huge difference between violence and self defense, in my opinion. We recently had an elected official who shot a guy – now, the guy had broken into his house but was running away as the guy shot him. Self-defense, or unnecessary violence? Sometimes the line's blurry, but generally speaking, there's nothing wrong with defending yourself. There IS something wrong with starting a fight or taking a verbal fight to the physical level, etc. It's also something most mature guys don't do either.
I can't handle man to woman violence in movies be it either in horror movies or any other movie for that matter. It makes me super angry and I always fear that someone (writer/director/audience) is probably getting off on it and it makes me want to puke. And there are soooo many of them!!
Maybe that explains why I am drawn to Quentin Tarantino flicks like Kill Bill and Death Proof… while they are certainly violent and both are based on revenge after a man to woman violent attack… the revenge and the violence that ensues is quite awesome to watch. It is kind of empowering. It's a movie, not a how-to, but it is entertaining.
I know, double standard. But I can't help how I feel.
I would never hit or threaten to hit my husband. I think that kind of talk and actually hitting him would create an atmosphere between us in which is okay for one person to disrespect the other, either by words, threats or by me hitting him. I wouldn't want him to threaten to hit me, even in jest, and Icertainly wouldn't want him to actually hit me (I'd leave him if he did) so why talk about it and joke about it on my end? It's not cool and I would try my hardest to teach any daughters I might have that while they should never allow themselves to be true victims (i.e. take abuse and mistreatment and not fight back) it is equally wrong for them to act cavalier about inflicting violence on others, even men.
How sad is it that I have no idea who Megan Fox even is?
I just think the notion that it's "cute" for women to hit men is condescending. If women took their power seriously they'd realize there's nothing cute about it. To go around casually hitting guys is to say "I'm just a weak harmless girl so my actions don't really count."
Yechhh.
Love love love horror movies…good ones anyway (I will watch the crappy ones too if I'm desperate for a scare.) And that's why I watch them, I like to be scared (don't know if there's some underlying psychological reason why I like it). It's funny tho, cause they always show women as soooo stupid in Horror (and many other kinds too) movies, but have you noticed that it's ALWAYS the girls that survive. Hmmm?
Here's how I decided to handle a friend's wedding that my worst ex (he encouraged my ED) is invited to: I want to know that I could beat the snot out of him. I have no intention of putting that to the test, but I want to feel physically strong enough to do so, and I think that feeling/being that strong will make me more polite and nice to be around.
I also think that non-hurting violence is stupid: don't hit unless you have a reason, and that reason must be good enough to justify hurting someone.
It's not right. Women can inflict damage just as much as men. And I REALLY think it's wrong if a girl physically hits a guy because obviously if he did the same to her that would be completely despicable.
It's violence, plain and simple.
Can't stand horror movies. I can't even understand why people would find them enjoyable. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a suspenseful plot that keeps me on the edge of my seat. But as far as I can tell, that's not what horror movies are about. Horror movies seem to be about coming up with as many ways as possible to rip living beings to bloody shreds, and I do not understand how people can find that entertaining.
Ok, that was a mini-rant, but this is something that has bothered me for a long time.
I do think it is great to see women stand up for themselves and take control of their lives…But I don't see why that must translate to violence being okay.
Megan Fox has some serious growing up to do. Angelina Jolie was kinda crazy/batty back in the day and she turned into a spectacular adult. No, not talking about her looks…talking about her works of good will.
Anyway, great call out, I agree completely about violence and gender.
Violence is not good no matter where it is coming from! I saw Megan Fox at some event talking to the audience & she was swearing up a storm & to me, quite a bore & chore to listen too. I think all this talk of her being so hot has gotten to her head way more than she realizes. Enough is enough of her & violence!
I had a very disfunctional relationship at the end of highschool/through some of college with a big dude (6 foot + some inches, 230+ lbs). He literally would not take me seriously in an arguement unless I was hitting him/throwing things. It would go from talking, to raised voices, to all out shouting, and then go further (and no, he never hurt me physically). I just wanted to do *somethinganything* to make him understand me. To take me seriously. To shut his mouth for a second a REALLY LISTEN to what I was saying.
Being older and wiser, I know if you get to that point with someone regularly, you're just WRONG for each other and should end it. Being young and stupid, I just thought it was normal. I'm really glad that my fiance pretty much freaks out if I raise my voice a little (and we communicate well so it rarely happens anyway).
So my point? While it is NOT right, I have personally had that rage in me on a regular basis and know how it feels. I'm a way different person now (though I do enjoy a good playfight and have NO IDEA why I haven't started some sort of martial art/kickboxing/etc), and think that if you're being quoted, you should freaking think about what you're saying. Maybe Ms. Fox is just angry that no one takes her seriously. 😛
When I was a high school girl in the 1980's my elderly Sunday School teacher was aghast that girls were hitting boys, albeit playfully.
Her words: "Ladies refrain from hitting gentlemen because gentlemen refrain from hitting ladies. This is called civilization."
I recently saw a bit of a documentary about the "Friday the 13th" movies (the originals, not the remakes), in which one of the directors said they always made the lone survivor a female because "Girls are always smarter than guys."
I know he meant well, but it's kind of hard to believe, after hours of women-in-their-underwear carnage.
I think portraying "strong" women as a**-kickers in tight leather and heels is the OPPOSITE of empowering. All it does is feed into 11 year-old boys' fantasies of sex and violence. Does any woman REALLY want to be reduced to an object of desire for an 11 year-old? Is that what sisterhood is all about?
Oh, and I'm a complete wuss. I saw "The Ring" and haven't been the same since!
I totally agree that violence towards men is no more acceptable than violence towards women. Its just wrong whoever it is.
As a man, I find the double standards in our society deplorable. If I was to hit my girlfriend, you would all hate me (cause most of you like her better than me :-)) but I would also be condemned and probably arrested. If she hit me, these feminist groups and pro-women groups would say something like he probably deserved it or good, she stood up for herself. This double standard is ridiculous and really makes me frustrated. It's also frustrating that a woman will get hired before me in my profession, but that's a discussion for another day.
I like to consider myself a tough chick, but I'm guilty of this too. I don't get into fist fights with girls, only guys and only when I can get them to hit me first. It's bad. I know, but its normally an asshole BF picking on one of my girls that he claims to love. If I can take the heat off her I am willing to take it and dish it right back out when he strikes.
I'm a pretty empowered tough young female. I've been doing martial arts since I was 12 and fight quite regullarly (Under controlled circumstances of course). I was constantly getting into fights in high school because boys found it demasculating that a girl knew how to take care of herself. LAter it became a problem in relationships that I wasnt the weak damsel in distress but rather the ass kicking action heroine and most men really didnt like that about me. Now I am in a relationship with someone who I not only regularly spar, grapple and fight with, but who also loves me to be strong and inderpendant and recepts me for how I can take care of myself.