Officially the weirdest offer anyone has ever made me at the gym (yes, this even beats all the Quixstar nee Amway pitches): “If you’re still pregnant next week, I’ll bring my gloves and I can just strip your membranes in the locker room.”
Warning: Gross Biology Lesson Ahead!
For those of you uninitiated with all things uterine, “stripping the membranes” involves separating the amniotic sac from the cervix. With their fingers. Take my advice and try not to picture it. This is often done as a way to start labor although a 2008 study shows, sadly, that it doesn’t work other than to give the mother-to-be mad cramps and some spotting. Having had it done in prior pregnancies I can tell you it is uncomfortable on several levels although if you are pregnant you will just have to get used to everyone short of the Channel 5 news crew checking out your cervix. I generally insist on being introduced first but I learned after my first kid not to even bother asking them to buy me dinner first.
Gross Part Over!
To be fair, the woman offering is an actual registered nurse and personal friend which made it a bit less awkward. But just a bit. Being the YMCA, I’m sure that stranger things have happened in our locker rooms but I’d prefer not to add to that list, no matter how desperate I am to get this baby out! Still, I thanked her. It was an offer made in kindness!
Countdown to B-Day
With less than 2 weeks to go until my due date, I’m definitely in that end stage of pregnancy where everything is so uncomfortable I’ll go through anything just to make the heartburn, hemorrhoids, swollen feet (not that I can see them), and jumping jacks on my cervix stop – even if that means labor and delivery. Today I made all the final physical preparations by getting the nursery all ready. I even ironed all her little dresses – how neurotic is that?. I painted two walls, mopped my floors on my hands and knees (so I could get in all the corners, see), got caught up on the laundry and scraped all the melted crayons out of my heating vents. Can’t have a baby coming home to Crayola fumes, right? I mean sure they say they’re non-toxic…
It’s official: I’m crazy.
Other Updates:
I made my pies! I did indeed use the lard. I froze two but ate one (the family didn’t help nearly as much as they should have) and it tasted divine, thanks to all of your helpful tips! Sadly it looked like total crap. Who knew that rolling out dough in a circle is the baking equivalent of the Mensa exam? But all the apples were used: mission accomplished!
My mini-Experiment with my SAD Happy Light is still working out really well. It hasn’t quite been a week yet but I swear I feel better already. Placebo shmamebo – I don’t really care why it is working, just that it is! Although I have discovered that sitting in front of 10,000 lux does give me headaches so I’ve broke up my one-hour session into two half-hour ones.
Lastly, I was wrong. And I have no problem admitting when I have made a mistake. Many of you called me out this weekend for my post entitled “Coast Guard Recruits Anorexic Women in New Ad Campaign” saying that my calling the thin model anorexic was unfair and judgmental. I agree with you. It was a bad choice of words. While I still have my reservations about using overly thin women in advertising, I do offer my apologies for the way I wrote about it.
So what’s the strangest offer anyone has made you at the gym? Please, someone top my story!!
Charlotte, I am not sure it is possible to top that one.. Just plain weird even if you are so far along & she is a nurse! YIKES!
I cannot believe you did ALL THAT housework being pregnant & only 2 weeks away! I can't even do it & I am not & never have been pregnant!!! 🙂
Congrats on the pies although eating one, not so sure you want to hear congrats on that but hey, you deserve some loving & look at all that housework you did!
Glad that SAD light is working too! Good info to know in case I ever end up in a cloudy climate.
I have had some weird stuff happen to me in the gym BUT I just do not think it even ranks with yours! I did have a guy that wanted to show me his naked buns!!!
Charlotte, I'm pretty sure that NOBODY will ever top that story!
Being pregnant myself, I read the first sentence and shuddered. Then I thought, "Weirdest pickup line ever."
Okay Jody – now I must hear the "naked buns" story!! Post it, girl!
KUrunner – a pickup line?!? Okay, that did not even occur to me. Um, ew.
I don't want to top that!!
Is that practicing medicine without a license? Just wondering.
Untoppable gym story, Charlotte- face it. You win.
You did more housework this morning than I've done since summer! You go sister!
I'm glad that the light box is working- too bad it can't give you funky dreams too! 🙂
All that housework sound like nesting to me!
Hahaha! I had that done with my son, and it didn't work. He was two and a half weeks overdue, and 10.5 pounds when he was born! By contrast, my next baby was 7.5 pounds, delivered on time.
I spend several hours a week at my YMCA, and I've never had anything close to that kind of offer! 🙂
Uh Dr. J? I think you would know that better than I would!
Deb – I wouldn't declare me the victor yet; the day's not over! People have all kinds of crazy gym stories;)
Anon – That's what I'm hoping it was!!!
Hollie – That is EXACTLY what I am afraid of! I too have birthed a 10 pounder (two actually) and am hoping to not repeat that.
TWO WEEKS? Super exciting!!!
I made an apple cake two days ago. 3/4 of it is gone. The roommate ate one piece of it. I've eaten the rest. Heh. Yummy 🙂
Well, you know, the Y is really, really close to the hospital. You might be able to chance it. (Just kidding–weird, but hilarious!)
I was at the River Valley Y a few weeks ago for Sara's Sunday morning Turbo when this lady–whom I had never met before– came over and touched my hair. I had been running and it was sweaty and disgusting, so *I* apologized. (Even though SHE touched it.) "Your hair is really dry," she told me. "You could really benefit from a deep conditioning treatment." I was a little shocked, trying to figure out what to say, when she continued. "They're about $30 at the salon, but I could do it for $5 at my house."
I smiled and said something along the lines of how much of a better deal that was, glancing at the clock and willing Sara to start class early. Then, she said, "Or, you could just use mayonnaise."
Yeah. It was weird. Not offering-to-send-me-into-labor-weird, but weird enough.
Two weeks! YAY! Tomorrow is my 8th wedding anniversary. I would not mind sharing my special day, just so you know.
No one will top that story! Hope the nesting means baby will come soon. Jumping jacks on the cervix are no fun.
Glad to hear the SAD light is working!
Love the gym story. And gee, someone is nesting big time.
I had the membrane stripping done with DB. Did not work.
After my post-workout shower, I was waiting in the gym's foyer for my husband to appear from the men's locker room. An openly-gay acquaintance appeared and, when I told him my husband was still in the locker room, whisked away saying he would "track him down" for me. Five minutes later, he reappeared, and said appreciatively with a smile "Oh, your husband is in the sauna. I didn't realize how muscular he was."
Maybe not as weird as yours, Charlotte, but it certainly weirded me out!
Let's start at the more important topic: pie. I found out Friday that Thanksgiving will be at my house for the second year in a row; at least I have a month to plan instead of 4 days like last year. So I was testing out a pie recipe that was in "Real Simple." The name alone sends me into shock: Chocolate Fudge Pie. Yes, it tastes as good as it sounds. And the best part, it costs about $5-6 to make if you buy frozen crust (and with two kids, who has time to make pie crust, especially when you can buy one for $0.84, right?). Tres délicieux.
Bad gym stories…bad gym stories…hmm…I was always there from 5:30-6:30am when the first opened, so I don't think I ever had anything like that happen. Or anything remotely similar, actually. On the few occasions I was there in the afternoon or on a weekend, I never had an offer like that, but always enjoyed watching people on the prowl. Funny stuff.
-Joshua
http://techparent42.blogspot.com
holy
bejeebers.
I can not top that.
I can, however, say I SOOO regret never getting a SAD light when I lived in PGH (damn those winters are DARK).
My mom still lives there and sorely needs one.
could you please launch a one woman email campaign to her?
ThanksSoMuch.
(CAN NOT BELIEVE OUR, errr, YOUR DUE DATE IS SO SWIFTLY APPROACHING. So excited for you)
Years ago a women tried to get me to set her up with my husband – she thought he was my brother – even that is not as weird.
A guy tried to pick up my husband in the hot tub telling him how muscular he had gotten – last time he went in the hot tub at the gym (I doubt they even have those any more). Nope – not as weird.
You win –
On a more serious note, enjoy your little bundle once she does arrive. My 'baby' is getting her permit today and I can still remember the day she was born like it was yesterday – time flies by just too darn fast –
What's the strangest thing that ever happened to me in the locker room? See: Locker Room Diaries.
My friend told me having her membranes stripped was incredibly painful, but it sounds like it was just uncomfortable and annoying for you. Hers took place in an actual, sterile doctor's office, tho. I think the thrill of spreading your legs on a wooden bench covered with lotion drips and dirty towels would make it much more adventurous.
I'm very, very happy to say I can't top that. Ew.
On another note, I feel like I should clean tonight. My corners need some scrubbing, too. Darn.
Woohoo! Two more weeks!
lol at neversaydiet's comment!
I don't go to the gym, and it's usually just me pumping iron in my home office, so no exciting stories. You'd think with your activity level, that baby would come a week or so early, no membrane-stripping required!
"It's official: I'm crazy."
Wait – so it was unofficial before now??
=P
I'm afraid I can't top that offer…
I'm glad the pies went well. It doesn't matter what they look like – it's the taste that matters. The more you make them the less goofy they'll look. Trust me.
It sounds to me like the baby's coming…everyone I know seems to go through a nesting thing where they do lots of cooking and tidying and such right before the baby decides to pop in (out?). Here's hoping you're on the way 🙂
OK, definitely canNOT top that offer at the gym!. And, yes, it sounds as though your nesting instincts have kicked into high gear. (Funny, I never got the urge to clean, even through 2 pregnancies. But then, I was born without the housekeeping gene.)
And it is amazing how you just get used to people sticking their hands up inside your uterus.
(I just want to add that during my pregnancies, everyone at the gym I belonged to at the time {Hollywood YMCA-HOLLA!} was SO NICE!!!!! When I came back after having the baby they would ask how I was doing, whether I had a boy or a girl, and wanted to see pictures. Ya gotta love the Y!)
I'm an MD not a JD, but I'll render an opinion. Yes 🙂
My MD diploma says (I think because it's in Latin) "privileges and responsibilities appertaining to." If she is an Ob/Gyn nurse, in the office, she is working under the over $100,000 malpractice insurance costs her doctor pays. In the health club, not likely. Not to belabor the point, but lots of people in health care that do not have an MD atill like to play doctor with the privileges but not the responsibilities.
I could be wrong about this however 🙂
No topping that. The weirdest thing that I have happen to me at the gym is one of the counter ladies has decided she is accountable for me and chides me if I haven't been in for a while and hasn't seen me running outside. And… I feel like I actually have to explain that sometimes I just work out at home. No strange offers though. I keep to myself pretty much.
2 weeks! I swear you just told us you were pregnant! This year is flying. Crossing my fingers for a safe and expedient delivery! 🙂
Wow. There's no way I can top that offer. Thankfully 🙂
I connected through another blog and that was not what I expected your gym offer to have been. Makes for a very unique blog entry.
Charlotte,
A great site for vetted information on light therapy is http://www.cet.org. They have recommendations for intensity, duration and time of onset for phototherapy, plus some helpful questionnaires.
Warm regards from your fan,
Reader Jane
Thanks for the tip Jane! Will check them out ASAP.
ok, that is just plain CREEPY! Sorry,I cannot top that.
I can tell you though that I have officially done nothing for my baby's arrival, lol! We have no room/nursery/or crib prepared. Clothes are still packed away in the attic and I have no idea where the infant carseat is. And now thanks to your post, I am officially stressing out!
mopping floors? painting? HOW?! WHEN!? 🙂
I got flashed by an old, flabby guy in the weight room once. Could that be considered an offer?
I can't believe all that baking and cleaning didn't send you into labor! The strangest offer for me was my friend showing me the proper way to shave my pubes in between weight sets. That doesn't top stripping membranes though! I went into labor with The Boy right after my 39 week check. I called the midwife and she said all the cramping/contractions was probably just from the exam. Yeah, well, he was born a few hours later…