Every year Halloween provides an opportunity to let out the parts of us that we normally keep under wraps in a nod to polite society. For one day a year however, you are encouraged to be as violent, sexual, inane or un-PC as your little heart desires. Even given these lax rules there are still ways to cross the line.
Pregnant Cliches
While the rest of the world is dressing up as the Octomom for Halloween (and laughing at their cleverness), this year Octomom Nadya Suleman is sporting the ever-popular-among-drunk-college-freshman Pregnant Nun costume. That costume was old and unfunny even when I was in college. 8 years ago. It ranks right up there with dressing up as a pregnant bride, a pregnant man or a feminine hygiene product. The weird part is that she made her babies into little devils. I think most of us can agree that the roles ought to be reversed. Okay, not that babies should be pregnant nuns – that would be weird – but Suleman could definitely work the horns. I mean the only way her real-life pregnancy could have been more freakish was if she really had been a nun. Is it smart to call attention to that?
Child Hookers
With child sex trafficking being a very real and immense problem in our global society, it seems incredibly dense to me that any parent would let their child dress up as prostitute for Halloween. Sure there is an outcry every year over sluttified pre-teens in “bunny” “kitty” or “other cutesy animals that end in -y” making costumes out of lingerie and a pair of ears but Noah Cyrus (Miley’s little sister) ups the ante on this trend. First, she’s nine. Maybe I’m as old and lame as the Pregnant Nun costume but, um, she’s in elementary school. (Well, at least I hope she’s in school. For all I know she’s one of those Hollywood kidlets who is “tutored” on whatever movie set she’s currently working on.) The only time a fourth-grader should be this close to flashing her underoos is if she is hanging by her knees from the monkey bars. Second, as far as I can tell she’s not even pretending to be anything. Other than a street walker in search of a corner. Would it have killed her to put on a witch’s hat and thrown a cape over her shoulders? Or at least gave a shout-out to To Catch a Predator? (Edited: So I just noticed that she’s standing on a red carpet. What if she’s not attending a Halloween party like I assumed? What if she’s just… dressed like this?!)
Padded Underthings… For Men
This last one isn’t a Halloween trend but I’d still like to see it die. Calvin Klein jeans recently released a new line of jeans for men that promise “an enhanced profile.” As in a padded fly. Journalist Michael Miller tried out a pair, concluding, “They were a breakthrough! Such comfort, such support! And yes, my confidence was bigger! It looked bigger, at least.” While some women might be tempted to say this is just desserts for years of padded and push-up bras, girdles and Spanx, I’m going to say that I don’t think this is progress in the right direction.
What do you think? Am I just not getting Nadya Suleman’s unsubtle brand of humor? Am I being too much of a prude about wee Noah? Should men rejoice that they finally get their own line of shapewear? What’s your most hated Halloween trend?
Nadya as a pregger nun is just disturbing. Add in the fact that she CHOSE to have that many embryos implanted and then she dresses them as devils? There are so many things wrong with this.
On to the prostitute and/or red carpet look. At nine years old I was wearing baggy sweatshirts and my idea of risque was decorating it with puffy paint and cutting the neck big so the turtleneck underneath showed one shoulder. But then again, this is from the father who was okay with his 15/16year old using a stripper pole as a prop on stage…
And my guess is the only men who will buy enhanced jeans will also be the ones who approach women in a bar while popping peanuts into their mouths, wear more gold chains than a woman and call you "babe".
Just my two cents. 🙂
There are so many hings wrong here I just don't know where to begin. A nine year-old dressed as a hooker?! ENHANCED jeans?!?! Octo-mom is still being photographed?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Personally I think these are all signs of the apocolypse.
The 9 yr old is freakish and seriously someone should call Child Services asap.
And don't be surprised when the girl gets knocked up at the age of 15. Sorry, but it's likely.
Octomom is just milking her pathetic 15 minutes of fame for everything she can. She won't have a pot to piss in, and perhaps already doesn't.
Dadly I quickly snarfed at the tampon photo- perhaps because the people looked so darned happy. I probably shouldn't admit that on the blogosphere but oh well. I do have a warped sense of humor.
"sadly" not "dadly"- weird freudian typo there!
I think the Octomom costume was childish and tacky, much like the octomom. It would have been more clever to dress as Maria Von Trapp and dress the kids as the Von Trapp kids, or to dress as the Duggars.
Child hooker costumes are just gross, but since I bitched about them in my own blog, I will skip the rant.
And enhanced jeans? Man I would be really pissed if I brought a guy home and discovered that I was getting a cocktail weenie instead of a kielbasa.
The Octomom and 9 yr old hooker are disturbing enough to take the fun out of Halloween.
I am guessing the type of guy who would wear the padded jeans is also the type who (here in my northern part of the woods) drives the jacked up 4×4 truck with the enormous wheels and fake balls hanging off the back hitch.
My three kids are going as the original Luke, Leia and Hans Solo. May the force be with you!
I remember my first (and last) HOWL. There was a girl dressed in literally nothing but ceran wrap.
I hate that females take the opportunity to be as slutty as they possibly can.
lordy.
Im so in agreement with you here and wanted to add my own WAIT IM A SEXY WITCH .02.
I caved and decided Id dress as Maleficent for halloween as per the childs request (she gets to be a princess and husband a prince. I get the proverbial shaft :)).
I ordered an on sale costume which arrived yesterday.
to my chagrin (and to the sites sucky lack of clarity) if I choose to wear it Im a Sexy Maleficent.
thats my hated halloween thing (tho trite as all get out :)): EVERYTHING BECOMES SEXY.
The trend of little girls dressing as hookers or slutty bunnies or kitties definitely needs to die. It's disturbing, disgusting, unnecessary, weird and irresponsible. Who in their right mind would dress their 9 year old child like that? I definitely would not. There is enough in this world begging our young women to sexualize as children (MTV, I'm looking at you!) and I would never encourage that idea by buying my daughter a Slut Costume for halloween.
I saw that picture of Noah Cyrus a bit again… and she's not at a costume party. My 8 year old is going as a wizard — in a floor length blue robe. I'm sorry, but the skin baring costumes they have for kids at Wal-Mart just aren't appropriate, especially when it's cold.
Being pregnant this year for Halloween is a bit disturbing. My choices seem to be pregnant nun, pregnant cheerleader, pregnant bride, etc. Or, I can do a "bun in the oven" costume. I'm not willing to bare my stomach (especially in October) in order to paint a pumpkin, basketball, globe etc.
As far as Noah Cyrus goes, I think someone needs to take Billy Ray into a little room with no windows and have a chat. This is the same girl who, not too long ago, was at a Hollywood starlet's "pool party" birthday party drinking a sugar-free Red Bull.
Halloween trends that should die? Ass-grabbing sections of "haunted houses." Oh, and the whole passing out candy thing. I think I'm going to cash in for a dozen rolls of pennies and pass out handfuls of those this year. Over time this will ensure that my trick-or-treat numbers dwindle. Just kidding.
Joshua
http://techparent42.blogspot.com
Just to throw it out there, I think the all time favorite costume I ever wore was dressing up as Tom Baker's Doctor Who when I was 7, complete with the 30-foot scarf that my mom knitted for my dad. I have that picture some where; I might have to find it and post on my blog on Friday. Yeah, I think I'll do that.
What's the point of Halloween if not to trade the training bra for a padded push-up?
Really, though, it's sad that so many girls (and, yup, grown up ladies who should know better!)think they have to dress like sluts to get attention. I think my mother would have slapped me silly if I had even suggested wearing a getup like that.
As for the Octomom: I wish the paparazzi would lay off her and let her fade away. Does she really deserve more than 15 minutes of fame? Really?
And padded man pants? Do women even look at that? I mean, do guys really think a woman goes: Hmm, well he's got a huge gut, ear hair, and smells like baloney. But did you see his pants?!!
OMG, I had not heard of the enhanced jeans!!!! I guess if women do the padded bra thing… I need to see in person to be sure! 🙂
As for costumes, yes, that octomom thing was very disturbing along with the whole life anyway!
I really despise the young girls dressed up in these adult costumes! Why would a mom do that.. I guess the ones on Tiaras & Tots!
Hey, if you gals can enhance yours, we can enhance ours!!
Er..not me of course, no really…
I would never buy a pair of padded jeans but I can definitely see an advantage in having a pair now and then. For example, when my boys decide to play that game where they jump off of the coffee table onto my lap while I'm sitting on the couch. A little bit of padding would go a long way.
I think hookers wear more clothes than some 9-year-olds now. Sadly.
My friend once dressed for Halloween as a "barefoot and pregnant" gal. Cleverly, it was her way of announcing that she and her husband were pregnant (she wasn't showing yet). Cute, funny, good stuff.
The Halloween = Slutoween trend really needs to die now. I was a witch in a floor length dress until I grew enough that the dress was knee length. Then I stopped dressing up altogether.
The hooker girl thing freaks me out.
But then again I've been on a rant lately about trying to buy a halloween costume. Apparently "Sexy *insert thing here*" is the costume available for most women.
The enhanced jeans just cracks me up. If men want to go and be that silly, let them. They're only deluding themselves. I don't think women will care honestly…
All I have to say is you made me feel like a great mom today and I've done nothing but serve frozen waffles and read this post!
Joshua, you are AWESOME!!!!!!
I, too, have a scarf. My nana made it for me. I also painted my closet door to look like a TARDIS. And my parents never painted over it, so it STILL looks like a TARDIS!
The Slutoween thing reminded me of this College Humor bit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4rUiV_Hh74
I kinda dig the tampon costume, but I'm basically twelve years old when it comes to stuff like that.
This year I was going to make a Domo-kun costume, but now I'm feeling lazy so I'm dressing as Rachel Maddow. Which will be a total cop-out and ridiculously easy, but better than dressing as "Sexy Fill-in-the-blank".
Just as a funny comment to the "enhanced" jeans…
I was watching 1000 Ways to Die yesterday and a man actually died by strapping a 12-inch kielbasa to his leg under his jeans with rubber srugical tubing. After many hours at the bar, showing off, this caused a clot to form in his leg and somehow it got to his lungs and he died on the dance floor.
Seriously. People!
the sexy halloween costumes are for the uncreative. we're allowed to dress up at work (starbucks) but obviously the slutty isn't allowed (unless we transform ourselves into that slutty coffee shop in seattle that … someone blogged about).
so, we're thinking about doing a themed day and going as people/things from clue. if we go through with it, i'm thinking of creative ways i can either be the study or the conservatory.
but the hooker costumes for the little kids … i caved and bought a "sexy" candy corn witch costume a few years ago (hey, i like candy corn, it fit). now, it's only found for kids … which seems SO WRONG. especially when in cold climates (minnesota, colorado), one needs to design one's halloween costume to go along with a snowsuit.
I think pretending to have a kielbasa could lead to the risk of having your prospective partner point and laugh at the wrong moment.
I'm a total grinch about Halloween. Don't like handing out candy, would rather hand out something healthy but then my house would probably get egged. Sheesh.
Though I do like the non-sexy costumes some of the kids wear.
The pregnant nun thing is ridiculous, kids costumes should not be sexy, and I don't want to see random dudes' bumps. So I'm with ya on this. And I'm sick of the costumes either being "sexy" versions (meaning my hiney is hanging out) or akin to a tent. Oh well, it saved me money since I went to a thrift store instead :). Seriously. 60 bucks for a cheap short skirt and a slutty shirt? Puh-leaze.
I totally agree with all you've said. All of this is totally inappropriate but, frankly, unsurprising given the state of American culture. (I will probably hear about this one.)