Him: Do you have any idea how many calories are in that thing?!
Me: [out loud] Um…
Me: [silently] Yes you idiot. I know how many calories are in everything. I’ve internalized the nutritional information of so many things that it’s practically written on my DNA. In fact, it’s impossible for me to even be in the same room as a menu without my mental calculator going into overdrive.
Him: Please tell me you’re not actually going to eat that.
Me: [out loud] Um…
Me: [silently] Despite knowing what a dietary disaster it is, I did indeed order this chocolate malt with the full intention of eating it.
Him: At least scrape the whipped cream off the top!
Me: [out loud] But I like whipped cream…
Me: [silently] I just finished a sweat-soaked 3.5 hour workout! And this is the first thing I’ve eaten all day! If you can’t eat a milk shake after all that, when can you?
Him: Here, have a bite of my salmon and broccoli instead.
Me: [out loud] I’m not hungry any more.
Me: [B-movie horror scream]
Shape magazine this month has an interesting little factoid: women eat 486 less calories when they eat in the company of a man. Of course Shape has to make a dubious diet tip out of that: To keep a handle on those holiday calories, make sure you sit by men to eat! While that may be good dating advice, I’m not sure if it is good advice in general. Are they saying that to impress a man, one must suppress their natural appetite and eat like a bird? Or are they saying that being around other women makes us overeat? Either way, that is rather a lot of calories to be trimming off for the gents, ladies.
And yet, I have to wonder if this is true. In the above example I gave in to the guilt fest and ended up eating only three measly bites leaving the waiter and the rest of our party to wonder why on earth I would pay for a five-dollar dessert only to watch it turn into a science project on the various states of matter. But aside from that one instance (and yes even I find my passivity galling), in my experience it is much harder to eat around girls. Most men don’t seem to give the first thought to what’s on my plate and some even seem to applaud a girl who will really eat. Girls, on the other hand, can be awfully judge-y. Even if they’re not appraising your value based on your cream puffs (ahem), most of them are watching what they eat and therefore resent your brazen enjoyment of the dessert buffet. Of course if you don’t eat then it sparks a whole other kind of discussion in the ladies room. And that’s not even talking about the girls who will actively sabotage you with food.
Granted, these conclusions are based on stereotypes but while there are men who would make me curtail my eating in their presence (see above), I am more likely to be conscious and therefore limit what I eat in front of women. All of which makes me intently curious as to how it is for you.
Given my love for asking strangers intrusive personal questions and my love for online polls, the following should not surprise you:
(If you get this post through e-mail or a feed reader, please click through to see the poll.)
I have a much harder time eating around my friends. Being that we're all college sorority girls, it feels like no one ever eats. When I'm out with guys, I always chow down though and not just on a salad, but steak, lobster, etc. Funny fact: During the past two serious relationships I've been in, on the first date I finished not only my steak, but ate part of my date's food, too. But I did date this one guy for two years who would always ask, "Do you really need to eat that?" every time I would reach for something. Yes, asshole, I just got done running ten miles and I'm 20, my metabolism will never get better than this, so pass the cheese puffs.
I have a harder time eating around girls who I am not especially close with. If we are good friends, I can chow down with the best of them! Bring it on tomorrow night girls!!!
One of the first ways I impressed my now hubby was to polish off a steak on our date. Take that Shape!!
I doesn't matter who I am around, if anyone ever comments on my eating my inner rebel rears its ugly head. Tell me I'm eating too much, hah, I'll order two. Tell me I'm not eating enough, hah, I won't touch another bite.
I hope you kicked that guy out of your life! That's not right. Chocolate and whipped cream are for yumming and delighting in. Pretend you're a cat – nom nom nom mmm purr.
My partner loves that I have a good appetite – he used to have a girlfriend who would make him order more food than her, so she'd feel like she was eating less!
My boyfriend is well aware I can eat more than him, not that I do all the time, but I never eat less because I'm with him. With some of my BEST friends, I never find myself eating less but when I'm with girls I don't know well, I definitely become more self aware.
Hmmm. Maybe if I was single this might apply to me?
Like you, I notice this a lot more with girls, and it's often more about volume than caloric content. For example, I'll serve myself a big bowl of soup and a small salad, knowing that it's 500 calories or whatever (like you, I think caloric information is now in my DNA). So I'm very happy to eat it, knowing that it's good for me, it will fill me up, and it won't break the caloric bank. But I catch girls (not ones I'm around often, luckily) making glances, or comments like "serve me half that, there's no way I could eat THAT much!" And yeah, it makes me really uncomfortable even though I know that the Starbucks pastry she just ate, though yes, much smaller than my meal, is actually more calories. So I do curb my eating or explain that the reason I'm having this "snarf fest" is because I haven't eaten anything all day or whatever. Gotta work on that.
In fact, I was just on a train and I'd gotten a turkey sandwich to eat on the 11:25am to 4:20pm trip. You know, lunch time. Well, the girl next to me was very thin and very glamourous, I guess you could say, and kept her sunglasses on and nose upturned the whole time. My first instinct was not to eat the sandwich, or to go to the dining car. But it got a little later and I was hungry. I had to talk myself down, reasoning that she's just a stranger on a train, and that if she's going to negatively judge me for eating, tough, and that she's not even close to what I'd ideally like to look like, so why am I giving her opinion any weight in the first place. I did finally eat the sandwich.
I generally have issues about eating in public. If I've invited someone into my home for dinner, etc. I'm pretty laid back about what I'm having (though given my insane grocery store judging fears, my kitchen is usually pretty healthy).
If I'm eating in public alone, it can be bad. I mean, if I'm literally starving, I sort of just suck it up, but it has to be at the point that my stomach is growling loud enough for others to hear. I used to be good at packing healthy snacks, but then someone made a snarky comment, which made me self-concious about it.
The worst is food being passed around in class. I pretty much always say no. One class was taught by a male prof, and had 5 guys, plus me (apparently girls don't like corporate tax law?), and I turned down the daily snacks twice a week. Solely for fear of being judged. And sometimes I was the one bringing the snacks- I would bake the cupcakes then refuse to eat them.
And generally I don't eat with people who I'm not comfortable with (which sadly includes many family members). I will do anything to get out of it. Anything.
I think I need to take a hint from Allie.
I think you are entirely right.
I went out to eat a few times at BlogHer and it totally stressssssed me out!
Especially at dessert ordering time.
And Im not one who typically picks up on that stressvibe either.
So much waiting to see if others would order.
and then when it came to the table? good lord you could have cut the tension with a knife (even tho the cake was so soft you didnt need one).
sad.
I have never had this problem. I suffer from the "someone paid for this food, so you better eat every last bite" syndrome.
Then again, I grew up with a brother and a dad who never once made a comment on how much my mother or I were eating. I'm pretty sure if a guy had ever made such a comment to me, it would have been game over.
The only problem I have about eating in front of other people is not wanting to get food stuck in my teeth.
Eating is a very social thing for me; I stick to the basics (meat and veggies) when I'm by myself, and let it all hang out when I'm with others.
I eat the most in front of my husband, because he thinks I'm too skinny and encourages me to take seconds.
What man has actually said "do you know how many calories are in that? at least scrape off the whip cream"? Seriously, he needs to have his balls re-attached.
great post! i totally agree that it's harder to eat in front of girls. however, on dates (esp first dates) it is sooo hard to eat in front of a guy. maybe it's nerves but i think it's hard to eat a lot around ppl we don't know that well.
I agree with you Charlotte – I'm more conscious of what I'm eating when I'm around other women. Most of the time I don't think men notice.
Men, women, whatever. I'll eat my share regardless. I can keep up with my husband, who wishes I'd leave leftovers for him. My feeling is, if you can't be real with a guy about food, what else are you hiding from him? Besides, I agree: Men do like girls that eat more than lettuce leaves.
I think eating less around guys only applies if you're looking for a date. I'm in a happy relationship for over 5 years now so I actually eat more when I'm with guys – they have no clue how many calories are in the food, the don't care or the even encourage a good appetite! In front of girls I want to show restraint though, to show I can. Even if I'm eating with a good friend who won't judge I know I will compare what we eat and probably so will she. Thankfully I don't know anyone who comments openly on the stuff I eat, unless I'm on my 4th piece of cake or something.
Super-interesting topic! I have thought about this, and determined that -while it's not as drastic as it used to be, I still eat more around women.
NOT because I'm afraid to eat in front of a man — but around men I don't have any pressure to eat more or less than I want. When I eat around men, I tend to stick to my calorie targets for the day.
But, with some of my female friends- when we go out, we go OUT. Food is the focus of the party sometimes. I try to stick to my caloric quotas during wine nights, but a bottle and 3 tacos later I'm wonder what the heck Happened.
I've noticed, too, that I eat more around my somewhat overweight girlfriends than I do around my fit friends. My overweight friends are more likely to spring those fried foods on me at the bar, the guys never do (or, they eat it all themselves).
"being around other women makes us overeat?"
For me, definitely. My friends and I don't seem to get to together very often and when we do, it's a fight to not "splurge" and enjoy treats together…like noone but us will know about them, and they aren't real calories if we hav them together 🙂
Hard to break…
I eat less around people I want to like me. I want them to think there is no behavioral reason I am overweight. Parties are where the dinner contribution is smaller than the deserts are really difficult. I want to eat everything in sight, but I don't. Maybe I do have self control after all.
I saw an interview with the founder of the breatharian movement. He was challenged as to why he was seen eating at a KFC outlet. His response: "I am exposing myself to toxins (food) to build my immunity."
I'm still pretty self-conscious whenever I eat around other people. Even my husband, who doesn't care a whit about the weight I've put on. But I've had 40 years of being conditioned NOT to eat, so it's a hard habit to break.
um, who was the douche who told you to not order what you wanted?
I feel like I have to eat MORE around my guy friends or they get worried about me. Yeah – I'm a 30 year old chick who cares about her health/figure, sorry, I have to protest when you want to do the pizza buffet and then go out and drink beer. I try to distract them by chowing down on salad and veggies. Hell, I try to distract my tummy by doing that so it's a win/win. 🙂
With the girls, we're usually out for drinks or finger food type situations, but I can't say I've ever felt like I need to eat less. I honestly just don't care. Food is between me and my tummy. Anyone that wants to judge… keep up with my workouts and then we'll talk about me being a pig, heh.
If anyone DOES give me a sideways look, my answer is "what? I'm training…" Always having a race on the horizon makes a great excuse!
I hate eating around girls. If you eat healthy, they start ragging on you that "you're looking too skinny, you're going to pass out", or else they start justifying why they aren't getting it ("I haven't eaten all day"). If you eat unhealthily, they encourage it, but you end up not feeling as good because you know that you're eating junky stuff… gah. Head spins.
I like eating around guys. I find I'm more INTUITIVE when I eat around guys- I eat what I want, the amount that I want, and I'm satisfied. I don't over or under eat because I don't feel judged. They don't care or notice. It's nice.
…and I totally eat more when I'm alone. Eating alone is dangerous for me.
"Me: [out loud] Um…
Me: [silently] Yes you idiot. I know how many calories are in everything. I've internalized the nutritional information of so many things that it's practically written on my DNA. In fact, it's impossible for me to even be in the same room as a menu without my mental calculator going into overdrive."
The above happens to me at least 3 or 4 times a day and I have learned to keep my mouth shut unless someone asks me about the choices their making. My female cousins find it amazing that I know most things within a small range off the top of my head and then they google it to see I am fair accurate. Sigh
Hmmm…. not sure if it's age or because I'm just odd (both are very possible) but I eat what I want whenever and don't give a rat's heiny who sees it/cares/judges. I do eat fairly well for the most part, and if I'm out with friends likely it's one of only 1-2 times I do go out (or have friends over), so I eat what I want because it's so rare!
I don't know that I've EVER been that aware of what I ate around guys, even when I was younger.
Wierd, because I was never that self-assured, and did overly critique my own body– but I guess worrying about eating in front of people was one pattern I avoided!
It definitely depends on which guy/girl group I'm around. I am pretty conscious when I am on a date or something to eat a "normal" amount. I guess I don't want to be seen as the girl who won't eat, but I don't want to look like an overeater either since I am a bit self conscious about my weight (even though its normal). Some of my close girlfriends are not healthy eaters and naturally stay thin. Around them, I feel self conscious if I DON'T eat the things I normally wouldn't touch because I don't want them to think I am silly and too concerned about what I look like. I like eating with my sister because she is just like me and we don't judge each other, but we both know if we are eating when we really shouldn't be (out of stress or boredom, etc.)
Him: "Do you know how many calories that has? Are you really going to eat that?"
Jo: "F*ck you." (eats)
Works well for me.
At this point in my life, I eat pretty much the same around everyone. When I was younger, I ate less in front of both sexes! Too much self doubt & inferiority complexes!
yep, it's why I'm married. If I ate more than my date, I'd have to stop, and then I couldn't date him. I actually do seem to consume more calories than Troy, thereby violating the law of thermodynamics, but somehow he never makes me feel like I do! Which is what made me feel like, "I DO!"
Somewhere in the last decade, I realized that I don't like eating in front of people. That said, I feel like most men would be less judgmental than most women. In reality, I know men who comment directly to women about how much they're eating or behind their backs.
I was never the girl to shy away from ordering a big burger while on a date. Want to split a carton of ice-cream? Sure. That would explain why I always gained a few extra pounds during every new relationship.
However, I do think I eat less around girls. Hmmm, interesting. Never really thought about it before.
When I was single and on a date I would definitely eat less. Now, I eat the same no matter who I'm with- If I want the salmon and broccoli (like your loser 'friend'), I have it- If I want the bison burger, that's what I get.
When I was about 10 pounds leaner I was very righteous and only ordered clean foods pretty much all the time- but especially in front of others, with some exceptions. I don't do that any more and I'm more balanced, but of course I'm battling those vanity pounds.
I say you need a new "him", if he really said that to you… deadset shocker!
Who is that guy? Let me at him! What a dork!
Man, I'm with you. Finally someone who feels the same. I read all those things that say "women eat less around men", but I would have to say I feel way more self conscious when I eat around girls than I do with guys.
With a guy, I'm more inclined to over do it because I don't want to look like "one of those girls" and honestly, I just don't care because they don't.
But when I'm around other girls – sheesh, I feel like every bite I take is recorded and logged for the gossip session later. Girls are mean. End of story.
And not just with food. For instance, originally I was going to drive home from college this Christmas with a guy friend as my driving buddy, and it was gonna be sweats and no makeup for me. Comfy all the way. Why shouldn't I be? He's comfy, I should be too… But now, there is this other girl riding with me instead, and I suddenly feel pressure to do the makeup and wear something better than sweats because I know she will be in top condition to sit in the car for 10 hours…it is all just a comparision competition. And frankly, quite exhausting.
Oh and, ps, I'm going with the sweats. Shoot, if she wants to be uncomfortable like that, no skin off my nose, but me? I'll be riding in stretchy soft comfort. 🙂
Last night, I went out on a date, and to prove the theory correct – I had a minuscule amount to eat around this guy.
I think nerves account for a lot of the appetite issue. If I'm on a date I eat less, because I'm really not thinking about my hunger or food.
I usually eat more around men, because they aren't counting the calories of everything I eat. (Um, your jerky friend notwithstanding. Please tell me that wasn't your husband. Please?)
But as others have mentioned, it does depend on the group of girls and why we're getting together. If I'm out with my skinny actor friends, I'm more likely to order salad, dressing on the side, blah, blah, blah. If we're all converging on someone's house for Martini and Movie night . . . well, let's just say there are a few more calories involved and leave it at that, ok?
How funny! My post for tommorrow is on the same topic. And I came to the same conclusion! I will link back!
Women apparently eats less when dining with male friends – whether it is a husband, date or just a colleague, according to psychologists.
Scientists have found that women order smaller and less calorific meals if eating with a man, than they do if dining with female friends.