“Chips and a rice krispie treat!” My first-grader chirped happily.
“That’s what you had for lunch?” I asked incredulously as the preschooler started the tantrum process (everything must be equal in this household) and the baby took up a chorus of “Chip! Chip!!!!”
“Oh yeah, and a chocolate milk.” (Note to self: the mystery of the two cavities before age 7? Solved.)
Normally, given the societal cacophony regarding that stuff we put into our mouth and also need to live, I try to reserve judgment on what my son has for lunch on the one day a week he’s allowed to have hot lunch with his kickball cronies. Especially since the other four days he’s stuck with a nutritionally balanced home lunch packed by me, I try to just take a deep breath and go to my happy place whenever he talks about chicken nuggies or tater tots or french toast sticks with vats of fake syrup. I may have mentioned it here a time or two but I have food issues. And I’m trying really hard not to pass those onto my kids.
But a rice krispie treat, chips and chocolate milk?!?!?
“Wasn’t there some protein? Or, say, a fruit or vegetable?” I croaked, visions of Wall-E dancing before my eyes.
“Oh yeah,” he nodded seriously. “They had that brown crumbly stuff on tortillas. You know that stuff?”
Do I know cafeteria mystery meat? Were there vegetarians in the Donner party? Some questions are better left unasked, son.
High Fructose Highway to Hell
As my mother is fond of reminding me, you can’t bubble wrap your children. Not only does it not work for protecting them from life’s hard lessons but it also says specifically on the wrap “not for use with children.” (Ironic considering I don’t know a single child who doesn’t adore the stuff.) It’s like those cruel plastics manufacturers read my mind and then stole the dream away.
Anyhow, part of letting my children grow up and develop a healthy relationship to food is allowing them to sometimes eat things I deem questionable (i.e. with more dubious ingredients than Edward Scissorhands had paper cuts). I tell myself that it’s about modeling good decision making and then giving them opportunities to make choices themselves.
Of course we are also talking about the same kid who just yesterday licked the metal frame of the bus window in -45 (F) degree temps and discovered for himself that The Christmas Story isn’t just a light-hearted holiday classic but also the harrowing tale of what happens when you gamble against the laws of chemistry. He’s six; he’s not exactly known for making brilliant decisions. (And yes, since I know you are wondering, he panicked and yanked his tongue off and his now the proud owner of a skinned tongue. Like I told my high-schoolers: Don’t mess with physics. It wins every time.)
So I tooled around his school’s website and discovered that the menu actually listed exactly what my little George Washington had said: soft taco, chips and for dessert they had a choice of a rice krispie treat or a banana. And like my son astutely observed, “We always, like, have bananas at home.” The other option listed in teeny tiny print was “green salad.” I considered calling the lunch ladies’ bluff and showing up to see if any elementary child has ever in the history of the school chosen the green salad option but, like I said, negative forty five here. I can’t even walk to my mailbox without my nose hairs forming a unique snowflake pattern.
In an attempt to be helpful, the school menu completed the trifecta of nutritional terror by providing the calories, fat grams and sodium content of each meal. I almost fainted. It makes a Happy Meal look downright sensible. Plus, at McDonald’s, at least you get a movie tie-in toy. Double the whiny fun!
So what’s a formerly eating-disordered mother to do? We’ve discussed the sensitive topic of childhood obesity here before. Do I take away his lunchtime ticket to coolville? After all, his fate as a geek was pretty much sealed the day he was born to my husband and I. Or is one school meal/nutritional train wreck a week an acceptable risk to take with growing bodies and minds?
At least the chocolate milk has protein in it, right? Oh fudge.
When I was a kid we didn't have the money for me to buy lunch at school. I either had home provided sandwhiches or nothing (what I usually had). When I left home and got a job and had money I ate nothing but those previously forbidden foods, which my friends had enjoyed on a regular basis. I put on so much weight ! My 2 cents worth is let him have crap one lunch a week. It's not going to hurt him overly and will remove that 'forbidden' aspect 🙂 But I'm not a mum.
I also was banned from having soft drink. When I had my own money I drank coke like it was water. I was drinking close to 3 litres (about 12 glasses) a day. Going cold turkey off that stuff is not fun ! I finally kicked it using NLP.
Maybe you can make a deal with him – he has whatever he wants plus a piece of fruit or something, that you provide from home. Have you ever seen the quality of fruit in a school canteen ? Blech ! I hope US schools provide better fruit than they did when I was there in the 80s.
Amber Rose – I doubt anything has changed since you were here! In fact, it's probably the same fruit – just petrified:) I like your "deal" idea – wonder if he would go for it?
Also – what is NLP?!?
Not having children in the house growing up ( the stepchildren live with their mom), I don't feel qualified to answer this question BUT once a week can't hurt, can it? As long as they play & keep busy & active. If you restrict everything, doesn't it make them want it more??? I am asking you experts out there! 🙂
PS: Charlotte, I still can't read the whole post from yesterday & I don't know why… craziness!
Jody – I keep checking yesterday's post and it all shows up fine for me. It was a flash video that I embedded – perhaps your computer doesn't have the latest update of flash?
once a week is great…mine eat a little more than that and it is such a relief to not have to come up with what to put in their lunches day after day! One plus from eating lunch at school is they have discovered some foods they actually like (chili beans…no…not chili…just the beans…) and cornbread. That is a pre-requisite(sp?) to becoming a Southern…liking cornbread! I guess it is true-if you are hungry enough you will eat it! But will they eat chili and cornbread at home! no.
LIke you I do not want to put my eating issues on my children and in the beginning of my recovery I let them eat what they wanted when they wanted -intuitive eating-but always encouraged and served healthy choices(and didn't buy much junk). They are good about listening to their bodies but we definately do not get enough veggies/fruit. sigh. It is always a struggle. I miss the days of mixing a bottle of formula(didn't have the option of breastfeeding). EVerything they needed was right there!!!
Corn tortilla chips, rice crispies, and choco milk? As bad as it sounds it is still far better than a poptart or processed meat and cheese on processed white flour bun. He was eating whole grain chips, dairy (albeit sugar laced), and vitamin fortified rice (coated in sugar glue). I'd count it as good, especially as it is only once a week. And maybe you could get him to promise to eat at least one fruit or veg that day after school in order to keep this privilege.
Hi Charlotte,
NLP is Neuro Linguistics Programming. It's amazing ! Here's a site I googled: http://www.nlp.com.au/index.php
It took 5 minutes and I haven't wanted any since and had no headaches or any of the usual symptoms.
Jody – I can't read yesterdays post from the video onwards from my work computer but can at home. I think it's something to do with the media player.
Villamoor Fam – Oh I hear you about the ease of breast/bottle! I didn't start my last kid on solids until he was past 6 mos. old out of sheer laziness:)
Ice Cream – Oh you gave me a good giggle! Thanks for the perspective. You are right – I should be grateful that at least they were corn chips!!
Amber Rose – I wondered if that was what you were going to say! I read an article about that a while ago but will have to learn more about it. Thanks for the link!!
I agree with previous posters. We let our kids pick one day of hot lunch a week and I hide my disgust. That way it doesn't become forbidden fruit like it did for me. Sigh.
On a funnier note my daughter came home complaining that the school switched the Ranch Dressing for their salad and it was "horrible" and "no one" was eating salad anymore. (Guess the only purpose of eating a green salad is for the Ranch) I laughed to myself thinking, I bet they tried to switch to low-fat Ranch 😉
cannot open or view anything below your adobe flash player post.. GAAAARRGH!
Look out, Charlotte, or you will be known as the MeMe Roth of Minnesota 🙂
I don't think once a week crap food would be the end of the world. I would worry a bit…
I always went home for lunch and the odd time I got to stay for lunch I usually would get something wierd or bad for me, just cause I could. My Mum would make a deal – we had to have milk with whatever we bought. It was a fair trade I think. ..
I'm a lunch monitor at an elementary school. Yep, I'm afraid that's a pretty typical lunch menu.
I'm so thrilled this week that one of the kids discovered he loves oranges, so I've been sneaking him seconds. Usually he lives on packaged peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (Uncrustables), juice (sugar water), and packaged cookies. And that's five days a week.
That is just one bad meal in a week – consider it his 'Cheat Meal'. I think I posted this last time this ran (wow, have I been reading your blob that long that I now recognize the repeats) but I do think that if you let them have some junk, they will not crave it as forbidden. As they get older and more educated about what is good for their bodies, they will make better decisions. My eldest is now great about her eating – she prefers home-cooked organic meals, rarely drinks soda and even eats salad (we pack them for lunch). She also goes out for cupcakes with friends (but will never eat at McDonalds). I think she has achieved a great balance. Now her slightly younger sister would still eat only chicken nuggets and cheeseburgers from that aforementioned fast food place but that is our job as parents to break (still a work in progress I guess).
Whoa whoa..you can't bubble wrap your kids? What the hell am I gonna do with all this bubble wrap?
i don't have kids but i'm the oldest of 6 (the youngest of which is 11) so i feel semi-qualified to answer because when i'm home i'm the primary caregiver. i think that if your kids are eating good at home and have good eating role models then the school lunch isn't the worst thing in the world.
i see when i come home and that my younger sibs have no good health role model (both parents have eating issues — but opposite ends of the spectrum) it breaks my heart. which is why i think it's soooo admirable of you to be aware that you "are trying really hard not to pass those [eating issues] on to your kids". rock on!!
Sounds just like the school lunches I had growing up. In high school, the food was so bad I’d buy a soft pretzel and cookie…that’s it. I turned out OK and eat healthy now. I think the bad thing is that if school cafeterias do unhealthy food bad they cook healthy food even worse. It’s pretty disgusting. At least you can’t really mess up chips. Too bad school cafeterias didn’t serve quality food. If the salads were actually good (and the apples not waxy) maybe kids would eat them.
I moved to a new school at the age of 11 and on my first trip through the lunch line, asked for green beans. The lunch ladies were stunned, and I was forever labeled as a dork…
While I was growing up, we were too poor to have the typical unhealthy snack foods in the house or eat out anywhere – it was mostly ground beef and frozen veggies (all purchased bulk from a restaurant supplier – yes, that many kids…). So I spent most of the money I earned at my first job on candy and fast food. And I still do. I think the lack of junk food fueled my unhealthy relationship with food. Or maybe instilled the fear of going hungry, so now I gorge.
For this reason, I allow my daughter to have treats, usually on a daily basis (like a Hershey Kiss after lunch) and let her have the snacks given at daycare (Goldfish, cheese balls, stuff we don't keep in our house). I'd like her to have a wide variety of exposure to different foods and tastes, so she doesn't go hog-wild at her first taste of salt or sugar and then overdo it. We'll see how it works out! She's only two, but would eat chocolate for every meal if I let her…
Lots of people live by the 80-20 or 90-10 rule as adults, so why not start teaching it to children? One "bad" meal a week is not going to cause them to be obese. If they eat 3 meals a day, 7 days a week, plus 1 snack a day, that is 28 opportunities to eat. 1/28th is pretty low percentage–only eating bad 3.5 percent of the time. I wouldn't worry at all. Forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest, so don't make a big deal out of occasionally eating something deemed bad.
Reason number 2341 why I couldn't ever have kids: things like school lunches would drive me crazy and I'd get totally neurotic about what my kids ate.
But you know, I grew up for MANY years eating a lot of crap- pizza pops and chocolate bars and all- and even though I wish I'd been healthier nutrition-wise as a child (because otherwise I was very healthy, with exercise and all that- and I still got plenty of fruits and veg, just also lots of treats), I've still managed to turn out pretty darn healthy in the end.
I guess one meal a week isn't going to be SO bad in the long run, especially if the kids get their need for junk filled at that time… there won't wind up being any resentment if they know that they have one junky meal a week, yes?
But I think if it were me I'd go straight to the source: the people in charge of the school lunches. Show them enough statistics, start a petition, even drawing up a menu for them might convince them. But with a little one around I don't imagine you have much time to do that sort of thing, lol.
AH, the pickiness of 6 year-olds! My daughter, who, just until a few months ago, would eat practically anything (including spinach!), now turns her cute little nose up at practically everything.
I think Amber Rose is right; forbidding foods only makes them more desirable, and letting your little guy have one questionable meal a week is probably just enough to keep him from food envy when his buddies take out their Lunchables. And the deal making sounds good, too.
so funny. I too have a six year old boy. I try really hard to get him to eat good food but that is like climbing mount everest. ANyways, he too gets to eat school lunch once a week and he always has cheese pizza. He never even thinks about grabbing a fruit or veggie as he walks by them to grab his chocolat milk. I just remind myself of the WOW diet that we find in the scriptures. (we share the same religion) Everything in moderation. Once a week eating school lunch like this is not going to harm him. Like reading your blog keep it up.
Weird…when I was a kid I hated the school hot lunches. I always preferred it when my mom packed my lunch.
Part of it could have been because I decided to be a vegetarian, and that leaves only goop for lunch. Another was that I hated milk…and they used to FORCE you to take a milk unless you were allergic. I was so jealous of the girl in my class who was allergic.
As far as sodas…my mom made a deal with me that if I didn't eat candy or drink soda for a year, she'd give me $100. It taught me that there are lots of options other than soda and candy, and I totally wanted that $100.
Once a week I say go for it. Guess it is the equivelent of a dieter's "free day". But trust me I fully understand. I still break out in hives when I find out that when certain family members feed the kids breakfast, it is a doughnut. I might be okay if there was some sort of produce on the side, but nope, all sugar.
Like others have mentioned, allowing him the freedom to choose once a week will hopefully keep him from binging as they start to be more independant. I hate that those days are coming…
In our house, the kids get to look at the school calendar and pick one day per month to have a school lunch. Needless to say, it is always the animal shaped "chicken" nuggets and fries. Awesome.
It's one day a week… I think the kid will be alright. The mystery meat sounds good. I sure love my surprises. Bet he does too.
I grew up similar to Amber Rose (at the top of the comments) where we were absolutely forbidden any thrilling, fun foods at home. My mother had both girls on permanent diets while my brothers were given all the foods they wanted.
As we aged, my mom locked food away, seriously, using a lock on the cupboard doors. Once in a bluemoon, we'd go to tacobell or mcdonalds though, where my sister and I were given small portions to share while my brothers were given whatever they wanted.
I realized as I aged, that it was my mom who had a serious problem with food, and in turn, she gave her problem to her daughters by raising us with so much restriction. And guess what? Both her daughters have eating issues. My sister had wls a year ago and still has to watch each morsel. I am aware of my addiction and chose to stay in "recovery" each day (having already lost over 100+ lbs years ago and maintaining).
My sister blames her weight gain on leaving the house and eating anything she wanted because of the restriction at home. She ballooned up and stayed ballooned for years (till last November).
Don't make food a big deal or you'll have kids who make food a big deal.
When my kids used to say a "bad" word, I never pointed out that they were using a "bad" word and they never repeated "bad" words to annoy me. Food is similar. Point it out, make a big deal about certain foods, and they will use it (either against or against themselves later.) Be quiet about it and they will make wiser choices (eventually).
I can't view the website below the video either….I wanna see that reverse rotational crunch!
My friends tell me regularly how bad they already feel for my unborn children who will not have the crazy palette that most kids have these days. My fiance and I are the cleanest eaters in the world and our kids (if we have them) will follow in suit. Not on purpose per say, but I will just not keep the junk in the house, I am sure they will get their fair share at friends' houses which is ok with me from time to time. God knows I love my cookies and ice cream!
Now I am thinking about how badly I want some rice krispie treats.
Just perhaps make extra tasty healthy food as bookends to his crappy for you lunch and eventually his palate will refine itself and he won't want that crap.
Kind of the way I exposed my son to good cheese and now he only wants real cheddar cheese or goat cheese.
I agree with Amber. Forbidden fruits are enticing. I put an allotment in my kids' account once a month that equals four meals and they can do what they want. They have to pack their own lunch on other days, but I buy the groceries so I can keep the lunches healthy even though they pack.
It didn't take long for them to figure out that they were wasting money by buying a whole lunch and throwing out the half of it they didn't like. So a lot of times they just buy one a la carte item in order to stretch their allotment money further. They also figured out there is a table of unwanted, unopened milk that is free for the taking or it goes in the trash, so they check that table before spending money on milk. I think this has been a great lesson in finances for them, actually. I do hate what they serve in the school cafeteria, but I don't think once a week will kill them.
i think that overall, one bad meal a week is FANTASTIC! i work in pediatrics, and we start every well-child visit with a survey about eating habits. it is amazing how many parents circle 'rarely' for "eats fruits and vegetables" and admit to the mainstay of their children's beverages being kool-aid and soda. and that's just what they are willing to own up to!
one bad meal a week in the grand scheme of things is NOTHING, and i agree with those who think it might help keep the 'verboten' stigma off of those foods, and help him make balanced choices later on.
i also like the idea of a veggie snack after school to help balance things!
This teacher is blogging about eating school lunch every day:
http://fedupwithschoollunch.blogspot.com/
The lunches look DISGUSTING. I feel sorry for the kids who count on school lunch as their main meal.
I thought you all might be interested in a campaign to get more fruits, veggies, and healthy vegetarian options in school lunch lines. You can learn more and take action here: http://HealthySchoolLunches.org
Keeping in mind I'm not a mom, I think once a week is infrequent enough to let it go.
I loved the food at the cafe b/c it was so different from the food we got at home- it was sheer and utter crap, but it was gooood. And I'll bet that the green salad in tiny print goes completely uneaten like 90% of the time 🙂 Your babe is part of the other 10.