There’s one way to turn a negative into a positive!2009 was a big year for me. Not only did I have a baby, write a book (which is still held up with the publisher and no I don’t know why and yes I’m about ready to tear my hair out and/or give it away for free on the Internet), and learn to ride a Rip Stik (whee!) but I also learned two very important Life Lessons:
1. Do not purchase a talking smoke detector. For those of you whose favorite past time, like mine, is imagining all the worst case scenarios in which you and your loved ones could D-I-E you will know that all the experts tell you to buy a talking smoke alarm. Apparently people sleep through the loud shrieking kind. What they don’t tell you is that nothing – and I do mean nothing – is more terrifying than waking up in the darkest of night to a disembodied woman’s voice saying, “Danger! Immediate action required! Danger!” I wandered the house for 20 minutes in a state of breathless panic trying to understand what was so urgent that the poor thing would haunt my house to tell me. (Seriously my carpets are so revoltingly dirty not even the walking dead would tolerate them.) Apparently the apparition wanted her batteries changed. Why they didn’t just program the stupid thing to say, “Hey-o! No fire here but change my batteries please!” I will never know. Oh and by the way – everyone in the house except me slept right through the ghost alarm’s little P.S.A.
2. Worrying about losing The Last 10 Pounds is an exercise in futility.
It’s the last one I want to talk to you about. (Unless you happen to work for First Alert smoke alarms and then I have several choice words for you.) If you’ve been with me for any time at all you will already be sick to death of hearing about the Last 10 Pounds of Infamy. I’ve gained them. I’ve lost them. I’ve lost them again and got an eating disorder. I’ve gotten pregnant and regained them times three. I’ve gained them and lost them so many times that I’ve attached a dog tag to them so that if found they can always be returned to me, their rightful owner.
All of this gaining and losing has made me angry. I’ve railed against the Media, the Establishment, Celebrities and my own craziness for the fact that I care so much about them – heck, trying to peel them off was half the reason I started my blog. But the fact remains that while I should not care about them and have become so enlightened as to realize the extreme waste of time, talent and energy I have lost thinking about them, I do care.
The Question
Why do I care? How about “D. All of the above”? Call me silly, vain, frivolous, sick or even stupid (I’ve called myself all of those and more) the point is they bother me. So when Personal Trainer Lindsey – she of January’s Great Fitness Experiment which starts TODAY!!! I’m so excited! – asked me what my goals were for this month this is what I told her:
“Quite honestly, it’s weight loss. I know I should say I want to get stronger and faster and whatever but really what I want is to fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes. I only have 10 ish pounds to go – help me get there.”
I am embarrassed by this. I do not want this to be my main motivation. According to everyone I admire and respect, I am not supposed to care about ten pounds. I have already wasted too much of my life worrying about my weight. I am smarter than this, darnnit! Right? So why can’t I let this go? Why can’t I just love myself the way I am and be grateful I’m healthy and love my body for what it does, not what it looks like? Why does the scale still have the power to knock me to the floor, sobbing in my closet?
Personal trainers are not therapists although it seems like everyone who has ever mentored me in a Great Fitness Experiment has managed to impart wisdom to me above and beyond fitness information – Sensei Don, for example, was such a pro at mixing in life lessons with Karate lessons that I should have paid him double (which would still technically have been zero as the kind man did my Experiment for free but you know what I mean) – so I should not have been surprised when my good friend Personal Trainer D dropped this little nugget of wisdom on me: “Focus on what you are gaining and the losing will take care of itself.” (I parsed that – sorry if I misquoted you, D!)
The Answer
Enter Dr. Oz and the Mayo Clinic. Without meaning to work together, both the good doctor of poop on Oprah fame (hmm… that might have come out wrong) and the venerable institution of health have come to the same conclusion as D. The Mayo Clinic, in their new “diet”, advocates thinking positively by adding 5 good habits a week rather than focusing on negative goals. For example, instead of saying you are never going to eat candy again, tell yourself you are going to get in all your servings of veggies for the day. Dr. Oz fleshes this out in the area of nutrition by explaining that he has a list of foods he eats every day: 7 servings of whole grains, 5 servings of vegetables, 4 of fruit, 3 of low-fat dairy and 1 of healthy fats. Once he has eaten these foods, he allows himself some treats. While one could quibble with the actual numbers (um low-fat dairy?), the point of shifting something typically about taking things away, like dieting, to something about adding good things to your life is important.
I think this small change in attitude might be what I’m looking for. Maybe the key to losing the Last 10 Pounds for good is to focus on gaining good habits. Truthfully I’m still trying to process what exactly that means for me but I came up with these three good habits to add this week:
1. Eat vegetables with every meal.
2. Go to bed by 10 p.m. (not that the Jelly Bean will let me sleep for a straight 8 hours yet but it’s a start.)
3. Drink more water.
I don’t know if it will actually help me lose any weight but it will sure be more fun to focus on on these (ah, blessed sleep!) than to cry in my closet curled in the fetal position around my scale.
Anyone else waging the eternal battle of the Last Ten Pounds? How do you get over tying your self worth to your weight? What is one good habit you could add this week?
Happy New Year Charlotte!
I am in the same boat as you are. (weight wise, that is.) Thanks for the ideas. I'll have to try them out.
I am so in deep with the 10 pound battle! No matter how hard I try, I just don't feel "right" with the extra pounds. My clothes bunch up in unflattering places and don't fit as well with the extra weight.
I got lucky and am in with Lindsay as well. Love the idea for positive thinking!
oh yeah, I'm working on that last 10 pounds. But my 10 is actually um…more like 30. SShhhh.
I love the idea of focusing on the good. It seems like that makes the transition from losing to maintaining really smooth.
Good luck Charlotte, I think if you can stick with this one, you'll be much healthier- physically and mentally.
JC – Funny, I think of you as the pro at weight loss! And if you have 10 pounds to go, I've never seen it!
bjbella – So glad to know I'm not the only one hung up on this! And I'm SO EXCITED you are doing the Experiment with Lindsey too! She didn't tell me which readers made the cut so it's nice to know who's going to be suffering with me;) Keep me posted!
Ah katieO – that's what I'm going for!
Oh my granny where to begin! I have the same smoke detector and I hate it. It is always running a test just as soon as I get the baby to sleep and eats through batteries faster than I do chocolate!
As for the weight, I'm right with you. I don't even mind the weight so much after the baby, but I feel pressured to lose it fast. I feel pressured because with my fist I lost the weight within a few months, plus some. I was *that* girl. And I've become *that* girl among our friends as we all take turns having babies. I feel pressured to have it off and look like I've never had a baby, let alone 4. So if I don't lose it and look fabulous then I'm nothing special anymore. I'll lose my status somehow. I know I'm smarter than that and I would never fess up to actually thinking that in public but it's true. Who needs a therapist/trainer when I've got your blog lol! I'm doing the challenge also and I'm hoping this will do the trick once and for all!
Niki – what you said, so many of us think!! Thanks for your honesty. And I'm so excited you're doing teh Experiment too! Looks like it will be a real butt kicker!
PS> "Oh my granny"!!! ROFL.
I JUST (as in, like, 40 minutes ago) bought the Mayo Clinic Diet Journal. I'm also taking some advice from Kripalu yoga and trying to remember to take it slow, listen to my body, and not rely too much on external sources for weight loss (no more cabbage soup for me!). In my case, it's not the last 10 pounds, but the 30 that have crept on over the past few years.
Oy.
Good luck, and happy New Year!!!!!
(BTW, I think it's COMPLETELY OK for us to be honest and say we just want to lose weight!)
I agree with focusing on the good…the bad will just melt away when you start adding more and more good, right?
My goal is more sleep. I've been getting less and less, and it makes me stressed, I get less done, I don't have energy for the gym, and I tend to gain weight when I'm not sleeping enough. And, ironically, I'm sleeping less so that I can do more, yet I get substantially less done.
And our fire alarm at school says "Warning, Warning, please proceed to the nearest fire exit" and then ALSO beeps angrily. It is the most annoying freaking thing in the world. However, when it's a drill, it does say "this is a drill", so I guess that's good?
Also, can I say how impressed I am that you're still so regular with the blogging even though JellyBean isn't that old yet? And when the book comes out, I will totally be purchasing it…I'm waiting for it with baited breath…
When I was a trainer (and dinos roamed the earth and al gore had yet to create the net) I was renown for telling people not to fret about the last 10 or even bother trying to lose them.
Typically at that point the client in my office would grow horrified and list for me precisely WHY s/he needed to shed the lbs, Id write that list down, and her goalsheet was born.
Sometimes people would smile, walk out of my office and say:
you know what—youre right. Im happy fitfit and healthy. who cares if I could lose ten more "technically" and be a little smaller.
it sounds silly but it was a really enlightening exercise as I got to know a potential client.
my ONE GOOD HABIT I sorely need STAT is more water.
its cold here for here right now and Im not used to the dehydrating nature of having the HEAT on.
I hear you Charlotte – I am continually trying to lose weight even though I maybe shouldn't worry about it so much. But I'm just not happy with myself as I am.
I like the focus on adding healthy habits rather than trying to take things away though. I think it makes a lot of sense.
Happy New Year!
The only thing about food that I'm doing is to stop the malicious snacking. It's okay to snack, but I'm adding (see?!) almonds instead of chocolate to my desk.
Other than that, I'm making the conscious effort to do some form of exercise every day.
Good luck to you, Charlotte!
-Joshua
http://the365daygetfitexperiment.blogspot.com
Great post Charlotte & I am so with you! I don't have these last 10 pounds BUT it is a daily struggle for me to want to stay within a certain couple pounds no matter how my clothes fit OR what time of month OR the hormones at this stage in my life that just say, screw you & wanting to keep fit! 🙂
How do you get over tying your self worth to your weight? This has always been herd for me & I am not there nor do I know how to get past it. Mine is not so much weight but how fit I am & look.
What is one good habit you could add this week? Try to be more positive & not fear the fear of failure which has been my last Friday & today's post.
great post! i know the heart of it was the last 10 lbs but the part about the smoke alarm had been dying from laughter 🙂
and i think "adding good" and focusing on that is the way to go. negative just begets more negative and that's just no fun
Interesting post, Charlotte! I probably know more people stuck in that 10-15 pounds place than any other. I can see why it's hard, because to be at that "perfect" weight takes a commitment with fitness. There is not a lot of leeway with behaviors. Consistency with our productive actions is the best course. Good luck in the coming year!
Azusmom – I haven't bought the book yet but I want to! And why am I not surprised you already have it? You are always on the forefront of sensible fitness advice (Intuitive eating etc.) Let me know how it goes!
M – Oh I hear you about the sleep!! And it's good to know that at least some fire alarms get it right!
Great idea to make a list of positive things to do instead of a list of I can'ts. Maybe that way you'll feel less restricted. I'm with you on getting to bed early. I'd love to have lights out at 10!
Miz – How much do I wish you were still taking personal training clients?? You pretty much ARE my therapist already;)
Java Chick and Jody – I really do think the positivity change will be key!
Hey Charlotte – my husband and I are working with Lindsey as well this month (and for a few months to come) as we've both gained a bit of weight and now we're in our thirties…so…ya know….about two days after we signed up, I read your post about working with her too 🙂
I also have a history of being sucked into disordered eating and valuing myself based on the scale or the tape measure, so I'm always worried that going the structured nutrition and training route will lead me down a dangerous road (which I know from experience can happen).
To avoid this, what I've decided to do (with Lindsey's help) is structure my training regime around my yoga practice, which I'll be doing everyday (even it it's only 10 minutes of restorative after suffering through one of Lindsey's HIIT sessions!). As I did my yoga 'workout' this morning and felt the usual love, love, love for my practice, I made a decision after hearing Shiva Rea's words about making an offering to your life through your practice…
My decision, made during a backbend, hit me more like an epiphany. That my fitness regime and nutritional clean up will be an offering to my yoga practice, which in turn is an offering to my soul, mind, body and life in general. By focusing on how I'm benefiting and improving my practice, I can let the fixation with weight loss fade away.
I know you love yoga too, so I wanted to share 🙂
Jennifer (in Newfoundland)
marathonmaiden – Yeah, I really enjoyed writing the smoke alarm story! Turns out I love writing about fitness but I love writing about other stuff too so I like to sneak in random anecdotes and tie them tangentially to whatever topic is on hand;)
Dr. J – "not a lot of leeway"! I was afraid you would say that… Consistency is probably the hardest part!
love all the ideas! don't know if i have the last 10 to loose…threw my scale away and don't want to know!
i do want to change how i snack as well. the witching-hours get me everyday! good luck!!! you can do it Charolette!
While I am not trying to lose "those last 10 pounds"….yet (I will probably focus on that after my own Peanut's arrival – 8.5 weeks to go). I would benefit from adopting a few healthier habits – namely eating more fruits and veggies. Somehow I do not think a bananna at breakfast and iceberg in my salad at lunch is cutting it.
Another one here struggling with the last 10 – I have gained and lost it many times in the last 5 years and each time I lose it, I vow it will never return to my hips (and yet it does).
I think I have a bit more resolve this time around – I spent some time before Christmas helping my mom recover from surgery and I really want to be more healthy than she when I am her age. I like being lean (and wearing a bit more of my closet) but also want to be healthy. One side of my brain knows that junk food and snacks are bad for me but that side seems to have lost out in the last few months.
I think my problem is getting too into it, spending so much time that I cannot keep it up and then fall off the wagon and junk it all. Hopefully this time, I will be more sane about it and focus on healthy, natural food. I too am working with Lindsey (paying client but very worth it) and am counting calories at the moment but hope within a few weeks to transition away from that.
My change needs to be to understand that this is for life, not just until I lose this 10lbs.
Yep, I totally get the 10 pounds thing. For me, it sits on my belly so it's arguably a legitimate health concern, but I'd be lying to say that's the main reason why it bugs me.
However, the lifestyle changes that got me 95% of the way to my ideal size are now pretty effortless. The changes I'd need to make for that last 10 lbs? Way too much work and sacrifice. It's just never seemed worth it enough to go for it, then probably have to struggle to maintain that weight.
So yeah, I focus (mostly) on the positive things I'm doing for my health, and every now and then I'll cut down a little on portion size and fantasize that those last 10 will magically drop off.
Ugh, I hear you. It's five pounds for me that keeps changing. I hate that I want to "lose five pounds", but that's just the way it is. Sighs. My pants totally agree that I need to lose five pounds too, heh. As with Crabby, when I gain weight it all just goes straight to the stomach so there's the mild health concern but mostly it's the vanity issue, I'm not going to lie. And you know, if I could get rid of that extra bit of "flab" without losing any weight, I wouldn't mind one bit. It's the look of it (and the tightness of pants) that bothers me more than the scale number.
However, I do really like the idea of adding the positive rather than focusing on the negative.
Sending you good wishes hoping that you can get a decent sleep, Charlotte!
Tracey – That sleep goal is really more of a wish than an actuality at this point! Last night it was midnight… sigh.
Jennifer (in Newfoundland) – I love love love that idea! Yoga is my fave form of exercise and yet it seems like I always put that on the backburner rather than focusing just on that. I think I need to do a Yoga experiment!
Kimberly – Yayayay! I'm so excited for you to meet your Peanut so soon! Enjoy your little one and put the weight stuff as far out of your mind as possible. (Easier said than done, I know…)
VaMomof2- Yeah, that's my problem too. I know what I need to do and I know that I'll feel better when i do it. It's just that jelly beans taste SOOOO good in the moment:)
Sagan – glad I'm not the only one who is slightly vain about those last few pounds:) I have cute jeans darnnit!!
I do believe you read my blog last year at least once or twice so I'm sure you're familiar with my frustration over this issue. However, 2010, I decided is my year off. I am giving myself the gift of ONE year where maintaining under 155 is enough. Instead, I'm going to focus on my running and chip away at my other bad habits, and if that changes the scale for the better, fine. If I'm still wanting to wage war on my last 10/20/30/whatever in 2011, I'll address that then, but hopefully I'm so caught up in whatever I'm training for then I don't even care.
And I've got a talking alarm, but I'd be the one to sleep through and Zliten would wake up all freaked out. All it's ever said to me was "FIRE" in a weird disembodied voice (and really, it was just burnt hot dogs…)
ah, the old 'drink more water' goal. I need to do this so, so badly. I just last night brewed five tea bags' worth of decaf green tea with lemon and stuck it all in the fridge so dan and I can try and drink some more antioxidants (he already drinks a TON of water, tho). I'm trying!
I've signed on with Lindsey as well for the next few months!!
I'm in the same boat, having spent the past 3 years trying to lose the 10-15 lbs I gained after a knee injury (um… maybe now 20…)
One thing I'm definitely going to add is lean protein with every meal; I'm very prone to being lazy and going for the easy, carby foods.
Yep, the last 10. I feel so ungrateful too because at my current weight (90 pounds less than my highest) I should be doing backflips in joy. Yet I tasted (sorry) the sweet (sorry) nectar (sorry??) of being truly slim (ie 10 pounds less) for about a year and for the first time in my life I felt comfortable in my body.
So I would be a liar if I said that I didn't want to be that smaller size again. I will be honest however and say that it took SOOooooooo much dedication (hello, who carries a pouched chicken breast in her purse all the time?) that it pretty much made me bonkers among other things.
It's not like I don't eat clean most of the time and exercise like a fiend NOW…can you imagine what I'd have to do to be those 10 pounds less? Lots of HJ salads, shirataki 'noodles', egg whites and veggies, along with the usual smoothies.
For what it's worth, you do look great- especially considering the fact that you just gave birth to a human being! 🙂
Check this out if you like being fit:
http://trainedtoconquer.blogspot.com/
Another resource for your taking!
Um didn't you just have a baby like 5 minutes ago? Go a little bit easy on yourself! Gosh in your pictures you look tiny, like you couldn't possibly have just recently had a baby!
I am still battling the last 10 pounds and my baby is 18 months… i cannot seem to budge it! i am on a mission though… cannot have another baby until i've shifted the last 10 (crazy i know) but after all the weight i gained last time i want to start at the lowest possible (reasonable) weight the next time!
Charlotte,
Not every woman might admit it, but I guarantee you 99% of us would like to lose those same 10 pounds. You are not alone. Yes, I am happy at my current weight, but I can't lie…I like it when I see the numbers dropping on the scale. Who doesn't? However, I know my body works better at this weight, and I am a better person at this weight. I've done the skinny bitch thing, and it was not fun for me or my friends and family. So, I remind myself of that when I dream about fitting into a size 2 again. It's not going to happen, nor should it.
One healthy habit I can add this week: more water, less coffee. Not NO coffee, just less. 🙂
I moved house and purposefully left my scales behind. It's a cliche but it works, you need to literally throw out your scales. Seriously, it's really hard to get hung up on your weight when you don't know how much you weigh!
I am starting to think that every woman's "last ten pounds" is just an excuse to continue eating in a disordered way.
Every woman I know wants to lose weight. Even the thin ones, including you, although technically I don't "know" you.
So what happens when you lose them? There will be more flaws you will focus on. Or your body isn't naturally pre-disposed to be 10 pounds lighter, which is why it's so hard. I think the last 10 pounds is a metaphor for our eating habits that we just can't get right. Like those 10 pounds are there because of your affinity for jelly beans and other candies. Or my 10 pounds are there because I can't put down the chocolate. I think 10 pounds = our lack of perfection. If you could successfully lose those 10 pounds or more and keep them off forever, I believe you would have to eat near perfect 100% of the time. And that's just depressing.
Wow Charise! I think you are right on with your perfection theory. I will have to think more about that one. You win the most astute comment of the day award (prize is, um, your very own emoticon?) :)))
love Charise's comment. very well said.
you are hilarious! I got here via Kara's blog-and I will definitely be back! Thanks–this post was the highlight of my day…
I am having the battle of the last 10 (or 12?) pounds myself. I envy people who can just give up on it, but I just can't let it go, you know?
I know it's control freakery, but I don't care.
What's really frustrating is that I gain weight if I work out too much. I lose weight if I sit on my ass. This is a horrible choice to make!