A waitress friend of mine recently snapped a pic of an overweight patron’s meal. Why? So she could text it to several of her friends. Sure her customer’s meal was appalling – One of every appetizer? Yes, please – but even more so was the realization that now, more than ever, eating is a spectator sport. People feel they not only have a right to see what other people are eating but also to pass judgment on it.
I blame the media for this. Or at least for beginning the trend with shows like the Biggest Loser that have cameras recording participants’ every bite and advertising that relies on monitoring a person’s food intake to sell their product a la Jared the Subway Guy. Speaking of The Biggest Loser and Jared, have you seen what’s happened to them lately? Many of the finalists and winners of the former and Jared of the latter have been in the news lately for doing what most people having lost weight on a diet do: they regained it. Ryan Benson, Kai Hibbard (this link is one of the most heart breaking weight loss/gain stories I’ve ever read – man I just want to meet her and hug her and then throw her scale off the nearest building) and, most famously, Erik Chopin have all regained most, if not all, of the weight they lost on the world’s most famous diet show. Jared The Subway Guy has also recently regained some his famously lost weight. We won’t even talk about the media hoopla surrounding Marie Osmond, Kirstie Alley, and the grand dame of weight loss struggles, Oprah.
I know all this because every weight blip is broadcast to an eager audience, one I am apparently a part of despite the fact that I have never seen even one episode of The Biggest Loser (culturally irrelevant, that’s me!) and the last time I ate in a Subway was Homecoming dance my junior year of high school when I got food poisoning from old ham and spent the rest of the night upchucking in the E.R. Recently pics were snapped of Jared TSG looking a bit meatier and immediately the Examiner exclaimed, “We’re sure Jared will lose the extra weight in no time. After all, his career as a Subway spokesperson depends on it.” highlighting the fact that we have entered the era where losing weight is an official career choice. And a lucrative one.
So I suppose it isn’t surprising that all this has filtered down to the common folk. The weird twist, however, is that while we feel (too?) comfortable commenting on a stranger’s weight whether it be on TV or texting their menu choices to friends, many of us don’t dare broach the subject with our friends. Perhaps we are afraid of offending people or losing a friendship but my personal theory is that people are already keenly aware of what they weigh and whether or not that is healthy for them and therefore do not need me to tell them about it.
And yet.
The other day I came home from the gym and noticed during my post-shower grooming ritual that mostly involves random tweezing and lotioning my brillo-bad kneecaps (they have actually ran my nylons – back in the days when I wore nylons. Which I don’t now, but I digress.) a realllly long, dark hair on my jawline. It was so bad I should have been getting better radio reception everywhere I went. It was clearly visible and so embarrassing. My first thought was: why didn’t the Gym Buddies tell me I was rocking a chin-stache??
My chin-stache gave me an A-Ha moment (paging Oprah!): I wish my weight weren’t an issue at all – that nobody would notice it one way or the other – but since that is not the case (not for me, not for anyone) I would rather my friends talk to me about it than a stranger.
Which would you prefer – strangers commenting on your weight or a good friend? (Sadly, “nobody” is not an option.) Do you feel comfortable commenting on a strangers weight? Would you talk to a friend about hers or his? Is anyone else’s worst nightmare having a waitress text pics of your cheat meal to all her friends???
Depends on the comment and where it's coming from (i.e. is it heart-felt or judgmental?). My husband is my best friend, but I didn't appreciate it AT ALL when he mentioned my weight gain (but he was coming from a judgment place). I could handle a judgmental stranger better but always prefer heart-felt concern.
Wow, I read the article about Kai and I wonder how many other contests wound up bulimic or anorexic due to the show.
As far as comments about my weight, no thank you. I can tell when my pants are feeling tight; I don't need strangers or friends telling me I'm looking pudgy. Do you want to know an easy way to get punched in the face? Tell a 5 month pregnant stranger at the gym that she'll see better results if she starts eating better. Thankfully, I'm a nice person and didn't tell her where exactly she could stick her advice.
Maybe I'm lucky – or unlucky – but I have definitely got a friend who have told me when I was overweight. I think her exact words were "wow, you are really quite fat now!". It did trigger me to lose weight – but also to become bulimic, compulsively over-exercise and develop depression. So thanks for that one.
And there's a whole world of discussion in the topic of mothers telling their daughters they're fat. I'm still not speaking to my mum because of what she said about my weight the very second that my fiance and I announced our engagement at Christmas ("well, you'll have to slim down to get in a wedding dress…"). I'm not even that fat!
The only person who should be qualified to tell me about my weight is myself, and how I feel, and a medical practitioner, on grounds of my health. Everyone else can go screw themselves as it's none of their business.
Dear Lord. If anybody–*anybody*–ever commented on my weight, there would be a nasty, brutish, and short scrum. I would be left standing; they would not.
Nobody's weight is anybody else's business. Period, end of story.
And the waitress friend who texted pictures of the diner's meal? Would've been met with a long silence and a quirked eyebrow by me, then the question "Why on earth would you do that? I don't understand."
This pisses me off more than I can say. It's not just the comments on something that isn't your business; it's the spillover from the commodification of women's bodies in general. Yeah, Kevin Federline and Jared TSG get heck for gaining weight, but it's *nothing* compared to the ridicule, nagging, and Photoshop that women have to deal with.
I am more than my weight. If you choose to try to reduce me to a number or a size, you'll find that out.
Grrr.
I don't think it's ever appropriate to ask about or comment one someone's weight unless you are their doctor or are loading passengers on a small aircraft.
Chin hairs, however, and unzipped zippers, toilet paper stuck to shoes, etc, should be noted by good friends if they catch it!
I think commenting on a stranger's or a friend's weight is cruel. Spinach in the teeth, etc is good to say something.
Believe me, I know when I've put on more than a pound or two. I don't need you to tell me.
And of course the Biggest Loser people are gaining the weight back. They are not in the bubble of the show anymore.
I could drop a crap load of weight easily if you sent me someplace where all I had to do was exercise and eat right surrounded by professionals.
Once you get back to the real world and leftover kids snacks, grocery stores and offices with daily junk food offerings, its much harder.
I would much rather a stranger comment on my weight. My friends and family have done it since time immemorial and it makes me wonder… why does my weight matter to them so much? I remember an acquaintance in college told me she was relieved I had lost a few of my freshman 15 pounds and then said she was "getting worried." What, that I would be permanently fat? Would they not like me anymore?
Strangers don't bother me nearly as much. And I'm used to everyone commenting about my food and how much I eat ("like a linebacker" is thrown around a lot, so is "where is she putting it all?") I don't think it would bother me so much if someone texted pics of my meals because (1) I don't order food that's very interesting, I just eat big volumes of healthy food and (2) I know it's kind of interesting/horrifying to see what other people are eating. I have a friend who loves to see what's in people's fridges (she will also eat any leftover you have that's about to go bad, I kid you not). I'm not ashamed of what I put in my body, so who cares if people text pictures of it to their friends?
That's a tough question. I suppose if I was approaching a very unhealthy weight, I might (later, once I processed it) appreciate a heartfelt comment from a good friend. However, weight comments are not something I would ever make to a friend or a stranger. What we eat is our own business, and while I want my friends and family to be healthy, it's not my place to shame them into making different choices.
I've had people make comments about my appearance. I usually stay away from talking about someones physical look. If I want to say something, I usually complement what they are wearing, as an honest comment of course!
PS: I'm gonna follow Crabby's advice 🙂
I think this is complex. Some friends genuinely want your honest opinion.. it pushes them towards their gal. Others, they really don't want it & maybe are rather wanting you to say they look fine.
It might be best to stay away unless you really know the person can handle the truth & that it will be an incentive & not a detriment.
I once had a friend at the gym say I looked like I had put on some weight. This was during a tough hormone phase BUT I appreciated it for me & it did push me to work harder at fighting those friggin hormones! I am probably the exception though. AND, they knew I could handle it.
As for that pic taking.. A VERY BAD THING!
I'd rather hear it from a friend.
I wonder if it's because people who are around you all the time don't notice subtle increases up or down until they get big? I'd know they cared enough to say something…
From a stranger? I think I would curl up in a ball and cry. I lived a lot of my life feeling the disdain and contempt of strangers when I was overweight…hearing it would have hurt.
I'm thinking it *would* have made me change after I had calmed down, but it would *not* have been easy to hear…
I would only accept comments about my weight from close friends and family. Since meeting my fiancé I have gained 30 pounds. So I know it's not a "little bit of weight." His only response to my saying "do I need to lose weight?" is "well, it would be nice to be able to pick you up again" (he's a huge bear-hug-lift-up-the-woman type affection giver). And that I accept. Also, if I ask about how good I look in something, I expect an answer. Sometimes my sense of style is so skewed I need that second opinion.
I think your waitress friend should be photographed in her most embarrassing moment – picking her nose, fixing a wedgie, or better yet, naked – and have her picture sent to every one of her friends. I'm sorry, but she is a cold hearted (expletive) for doing that to someone.
i only accept comments about my weight from my doctor. i really don't think it's anyone's business how much i weigh. even though i'm not overweight i hate when people make comments about it in any shape or form. the only exception is when i get really stressed, don't take care of myself and drop weight. but then the concern is for my stress level and not my actual weight per se.
and i clicked that link for kai and my heart broke too. i think that the biggest loser is sooo unrealistic for the real world and it's sad that the people who claim to care about putting the contestants lives on track simply just set them up for failure after the show
I point out things that someone would not notice themselves – spinach in teeth, zipper down, food on chin – and hope someone would do the same for me. That said, I notice my weight fluctuations and expect that other people notice their own as well – I would never bring up weight with anyone, friend or stranger. What response would you expect, "Oh my! Thanks for pointing that out! I hadn't noticed!"?
If someone brings up weight loss or mentions that they have gained and would like to lose then I am definitely going to jump in with suggestions that worked for me but I would never bring up the subject.
Stranger, friend…I’d never comment on anyone else’s weight. I feel like it’s too touchy a subject. You never know how you’re going to hurt the other person’s feeling. Most of my friends are self-conscious about their weight for no good reason, so most of my weight talk with them is telling them they’re not fat. That said, I’d always tell them if they had something in their teeth, a hair sticking up, or other easily fixable appearance problems.
I think I prefer a friend. I've had strangers comment on my weight. Interestingly it has never been when I was heavier. Strangers in the grocery store would comment on what I was staring longingly at in the grocery story (such as pastries or candy) when I was veyer under weight and currently ( a size 4) by telling me I shouldn't be eating that. Which is very hurtful especially when I was younger and had a raging ED.
I guess if i had to choose I'd choose stranger, mainly because I could brush it off by thinking, "Gee, do they really have no hobbies other than to scrutinize strangers' lives?"
When I gain weight, I'm well aware of it. I don't need other people to tell me.
I really think there are very few instances where comments about weight or eating habits are appropriate. (Although I also think people should stop biting off doctors' heads for telling them that they're overweight). You never know if the person you're talking about is recovering from an ED, and your comment may just push them back into the abyss and end up killing them.
I think most people know when we're gaining weight, or eating something other than health food. That being said, the one time I REALLY appreciated it was when I was bulimic in college and thought I was fooling everyone. Then a friend called and asked if we could go for a walk. She was a nursing student, and recognized all the signs, and asked me straight out.
But having a weight problem is not the same as having an ED, and I hope my loved ones will stay mum.
(As far as "TBL," isn't this just further proof that this kind of weight loss not only doesn't last, but is dangerous?!?! I REALLY wish they'd take that show off the air!)
I read your blog frequently and love it! This post, like most of the others hits home for me. About 2 years ago I found out I was allergic to gluten and went off it (and feel so much better!) The weight melted off me and I ended up losing almost 40 pounds. Now I get comments ALL the time; "Wow, your face used to be so much rounder, now it's thinned out." Or "You look so much better now then you ever have."
Thats all good… except now I have this fear of gaining any weight because I hear from everyone that I look so much better skinny then I did chubby and I feel the pressure to keep the weight off.
So personally, I think people should stop telling you that you are chubby or skinny. let's talk about something other than our weight when we have get togethers!
I'd much rather have a friend tell me than a stranger.
One experience that still amazes me is that eons ago, when I gained 40 pounds (I'm 5'3", so it showed) no one said a word to me, but when I lost all that weight and got into tremendous shape people lined up to tell me that I was too skinny; some people were downright cruel in their feedback. It was like people liked me better when I was over weight and resented me for taking control and getting into shape.
My disdain for extremely overweight people is one of my least favorite personality traits- I admit it openly (though I have the good sense not to walk up to heavy people and say, "I think less of you because you're fat!"). HOWEVER, I am happily married to an overweight guy (yes, his struggle with overeating is an issue for me) and am, myself, an RFG (recovering fat girl).
My biggest source of frustration is people like my m-i-l… perhaps someone can explain this personality type to me and help me love her more and disdain her less? Here goes:
Overweight since young adulthood, she got heavier after marriage and even heavier after kids. She's CONSTANTLY acknowledging her weight (even loudly saying in a store once, "I'm going over here to the fat old lady section!"- I'm sure the other ladies shopping there appreciated that.) She is now 67 years old and is diabetic, asthmatic, and has high blood pressure and myriad other health problems.
HOWEVER— she won't stop eating crap. Just WON'T. Pies, cakes, fatty cuts of meat, butter on everything. And she won't even get up to go mall walking with her husband anymore because she "can't do with less than 9 hours of sleep." Connect the dots, woman!!!
Why do I care so much? I wish I could honestly say that it's because I adore her and want her to live as long as possible. Truthfully, it's because my kids adore her and want her to live as long as possible.
Also, I'm pissed off that she raised two boys (one of whom is my beloved) to become fat men who struggle. And what takes it completely beyond the pale is that she insists on trying to inculcate my daughters into her eating-disordered world— despite our firm direction regarding the nutritional boundaries we want her to stay in with them, she sneaks them cookies, candy, trips to Dairy Queen, fast food, soda, etc.
So perhaps somebody out there can help me understand 1. why she chooses to overeat despite the awful results and 2. why she insists on trying to spread that misery to future generations.
I don't get it.
I have the fortune (misfortune sometimes) of having very blunt friends. Maybe option number three could be to get to know that impolite stranger over a cup of coffee. At worst you've wasted a few minutes getting to know someone you don't like, and it could turn into a frank, yet rewarding friendship.
what about family? mine is usually great at telling me all those things – who needs friends telling you that you've gained weight when mom / grandma does wonderfully?
seriously though, i had a very close friend who was overweight… i could talk to her about everything other than that. i think it would hurt more if a friend told me something like "wow you've gotten fat". it would feel more personal.
I'd appreciate it if my friends were honest, when I ask them questions about my weight etc. Most of the time they dodge the questions. And to be fair, I dodge questions like that too. That's dangerous territory! But it'd be nice if we could rely on friends to be honest about how we feel about those things.
We try not to talk about "weight" but rather focus on goals and milestones. It's a veiled, sugar coated method, but keeps feelings from being too hurt. I admit one friend has put on a lot of weight lately and blamed it on outside factors and I have discussed it with a different friend. That probably makes us bad people, but the friend in question is not motivated to join us in our workout adventures. *sigh* there is no easy answer, is there?
When I get worried about the number on the scale I am honest about it with my BF (and he knows my history). He talks me down from my artificial bridge and tries to put life back in perspective. He is very careful to never speak negatively about my weight, but to encourage my fitness goals and ambitions too!
No, I'm nice enough that I keep all my scathingly judgmental thoughts just that: mental
Like another poster, my MIL is obsessed with weight and food. . . but the opposite. She's about a size 4 petite or 7 juniors after 4 kids and eats very, VERY carefully. She also comments on how much and what other people are eating. When I'm a bit smaller, it doesn't bother me so much, but when I've gained weight, it really does. Then she wonders why one of her daughter-in-laws (not me, another gal who has a hard time with weight) doesn't like to eat with the family.
Personally, I'd rather like it if someone mentioned if I was gaining weight–in a nice way–I usually tend to think it's "no big deal" until I'm two sizes bigger! Eeeps! That would definitely give me the kick in the behind I need.
I have enough insecurities from hurtful family comments -that were nothing but well intentioned- and that I'm sure hearing it from others would really just blow my self-worth.
The one that always gets me is 'you have such a pretty face'- and the rest of me is what? a complete disaster?
I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I'm not just that number on the scale, without much success- to be honest, I think one of the reasons I've pushed myself so much in school, and volunteering is to make me feel like I'm worth more than my looks. Instead of being my parents' "heavy" daughter, I am their law-student daughter, or their 'smart' daughter. If I wasn't smart or if I had been lazy about school, I would have been screwed. That being said, I might have also been a lot thinner, since school is quite stressful and time-consuming.
Summary, unless you're a doctor (or perhaps a fitness professional who I've come to for help losing said weight), shut the h*** up when you feel the need to comment on another person's body- be it how big or small they are, or how their teeth are too long, their hands too small, waist too high, etc.
I'm pretty sure most people (including myself) do a good enough job beating themselves up self-esteem wise, they don't need someone else to help them feel horrible.
I realize that I might be poking a hornet's nest here, but for those of you who have said that you know you're overweight and don't want to hear it from others because you already feel awful about it… why don't you change it?
I mean this as an honest question, not as a slap, I promise. I have, at times, been known to drink too much, leaving me feeling crappy both physically and self-esteem wise. But when I recognize that I am causing it myself, I CHOOSE to make better choices- one glass, not one bottle. Or none, if I don't think I'll get myself to stop after one.
So if you feel bad about yourself because of your weight, why not make better choices and lose some weight? I know it's hard- I lost 60 pounds myself once- but I also know that every little bit makes you feel better about yourself.
So why keep choosing misery? (Again, I am actually interested in the thought process- it relates back to my earlier post about my mil, too).
Well, let's see. I had a "friend" actually say the "pretty face" line to me. She meant it as a compliment and in all sincerity. Ouch.
I've had a stranger look at my absolutely-not-pregnant stomach and ask me if it was my first. Which, you know, OUCH. Although that he thought a woman my age might be having a first baby took a little of the sting out of it.
I wanna be best friends with Jo up there. She can beat up my friends and strangers any time! 😉
What Jo said. And what Crabby said.
Seriously, it's nobody's business what I eat or what I weigh.
And I might not know if I have spinach stuck in my teeth, in which case, yes, puh-leez tell me. But the fat I lug around? Uh, yeah. I know about it.
I am not fat, I'm what most would probably call "normal". But in defense of fat people, they are not stupid. They know they're fat. They don't need you to tell them.
My grandmother (whom my friend has a habit of calling "Nasty Nana") constantly asks me when I'm going on a diet when I see her. She's on my mom about her weight also. But, I've heard her talking about losing "the last 10 pounds" for the last 25 years. I want to be like, "YOU'RE 78! GET OVER IT!" But usually I don't say anything.
I joined Weight Watchers in January and have been doing decently on that. I was doing really well with exercising for awhile, but I've fallen out of that habit lately. It's hard being in grad school on the quarter system. Even though I know I feel so much better when I work out, I just can't bring myself to do it.
I totally would have told you about the chin hair…would have helped you take care of it too as I carry my Tweezerman Tweezers with me EVERYWHERE.
Allison,
I don't know about everyone else, but I'm nowhere near overweight. But being extremely short (5'), even a 5 pound change shows on my body.
Generally, I'm doing several triathlons/marathons/bike races in the summer, so I am at my leanest and most toned then.
In the winter, I let it slide a bit knowing that it's the off season and that I'll end up taking it all off in the summer. (I don't completely stop exercising, but I don't stick to a strict training plan any more and really just do activities for fun). It's just a break to keep from burning out for me.
I don't need people telling me when I gain; I'm fully aware of it. What bothers me most is that these busybodies are often people who can't even run a mile, so who are they to comment on my health habits?
I just think that in the grand scheme of things, someone else's weight really isn't my concern. The best you can do is set a good example and hopefully inspire them to get moving. Berating them and ridiculing them will rarely do any good; and has the potential to do a lot of harm if the person has an eating disorder.
Hope that makes sense.
ugh, that is a very touchy subject. i don't think i would want to hear any comments from anyone. even though i'm at a comfortable weight, i still don't want to hear it.
I can definitely tell when I've gained even a couple of pounds and I sure don't need anyone else pointing it out.
This topic hits really close to home right now because my body composition has always been a really touchy subject for me (despite never having been "overweight" in medical terms). I have been working on reaching a place where I'm happy with myself.
Last summer, I got down to about 11% body fat, but over the course of the last 4 months, I've been focusing on powerlifting and have gained about 7lb as a result. At a party that involved bathing suits and a jacuzzi this last sunday (which is already a minefield of self-esteem issues for me), my former trainer (and someone who I regarded as a friend) told me to "lay off the chips", poked me in the stomach and asked me when the twins were due (and no, he did not really believe I was pregnant – I am very clearly NOT pregnant). I pretty much spent the rest of the afternoon away from the party alternating between crying, plotting ways to hurt this trainer as much as he'd hurt me, and trying to remind myself that food is not the enemy.
So, in answer to the question, I don't want anyone commenting on my weight ever. I am well aware of what my body looks like and don't need to be reminded of things I already have a complex about.
I would rather friends commenting on my weight. It might be a bit more personal but friends have a responsibility to look out for each other and keep each other accountable. Just like with your Chin-stache…. don't you WISH they would have said something? I don't know if it's this way with your friends, but we do talk candidly about our weight. Not obsessively but we'll comment on ourselves if we feel like we're gaining weight. It's better than having strangers say something!
I want to hug Kai and smash her scale with a hammer.
One of the things I've been working on this year is *not* passing judgement on other folks' bodies.
I have no idea if the person I'm looking at is suffering from an ED, is post-partum, is in the middle of a bout of depression; whatever.
I am not a part of their personal lives, I have no business being a snot about what they look like, or what they eat.
Having friends help me make healthy choices? Sure!
But they all know about my ED, and I've been honest about what helps me with that maelstrom.
Other than that?
I agree with Jo–
nobody's weight is anyone else's business.
Those stories of regained weight are so sad. I've spent the past year hating myself because I've gained back some of the weight I killed to lose.
But by reading your blog (among others) I also recognized a lot of disordered eating/disordered thinking and have felt the need to deal with that and accept my weight for what it is: my weight. And still healthy for a woman my age.
That said, when I first read about your chin-stache it took it back to the day almost 3 years ago when i first realized I was losing weight. All because I came to realize that the "smudge of dirt" on my chin was really a shadow- because my chin was re-emerging from the chub.
How about one of your 7th grade students calling you fat? That isn't a great one.
He also managed to bully another students while doing it.
Him: Are you and Mrs. Smith related?
Her: No. Why?
Him: Because you are both fat.
Nice.
But he was right (about me at least.)
Painful, but true.
Allison:
I'm a former fit girl, working to get back into that body I used to have.
I gained forty pounds after I started a new job, started antidepressants, and got a divorce. For about six years, I've held on to those forty pounds tenaciously.
The reason I didn't stop myself from not gaining the weight, or stopped myself from losing it before I got to this point, are many and complex. Part of the weight gain had to do with the pain of the divorce–it was not something I was expecting or wanting–and part of it had to do with the fact that, all of a sudden, I had an appetite that I had never had before. Between the physiological hunger and the psychological emptiness, I simply didn't have the tools to deal with food.
I kept the weight because I was pissed off. (I've thought about it a lot and have finally come down to that as a reason.) I lived with a man who sabotaged me for nearly fourteen years, and all of those years were in my very-young-adult life. When I weighed 117 and was a size four at most, he'd comment on how much better I'd look if I just worked out. When I moved out on my own and took control of my own life, I had a "F*ck you, you can't tell me what to eat and what not to" attitude. I went from skinny and unhealthy and controlled by another person to fatter, more mentally healthy, and out of control person.
Finally, I've learned some balance. Twenty of those forty pounds have come off, and the second twenty are a goal I plan to reach by mid-summer. The process has not been one of losing weight per se so much as it's been a process of learning how to eat, learning how to think, and learning how to deal.
I think, in short, that a lot of people who are fat (or fat-ish) are fat because they've never learned how to deal with emotions *or* food, and thus tend to conflate the two. I'm definitely an emotional eater, so I tend to see things through that lens.
Being fatter than you want to be sucks. The hardest part of losing my first twenty pounds was learning not to hate myself.
Linteater and Jo: Thanks so much for your replies. I appreciate your thoughts.
Jo, your note really hit home for me in terms of understanding (or at least trying to understand) my mil. When you said that some people "never learned how to deal with emotions *or* food, and thus tend to conflate the two", it was like alarm bells sounded to make sure I was paying attention! This rings so true of her and explains so many of the challenges in our relationship (not saying they're all her fault- just that our personalities don't mesh well). I am a very direct person (in case you couldn't tell!) and she actually said to me once, "I don't communicate directly and I don't want you to communicate directly with me." She meant about emotional issues. I vent mine verbally; she eats hers (literally) or buries them at the bottom of shopping bags.
Anyhow, I truly appreciate you sharing your story, and I honor the honesty and self-awareness that you've obviously fought so hard for. All the best to you!!!
Allison
Count me as another who wants to give Kai a big hug. I have been in her shoes, not to that extent, but understand her terror of gaining weight, and difficulty getting a handle on it.
The linked articles confirmed for me that The Biggest Loser isn't about weight loss, but about humiliating fat people on camera for ratings. If the show were serious about weight loss there would be several psychologists or counsellors at the ranch.
As for friends commenting on your weight, no thanks! We know when we've gained weight and don't need someone else to tell us. But then, I used to have the kind of "friends" who would get pissed off when I lost weight. If your friends are very close and really care it could be different, but I'm still thinking no.
Weight- that's nobody's business but our own. If there is a health issue, perhaps it can open a door for conversation for a healthier lifestyle. Having said that, I HATED it when people wanted to talk "health" to me when I was 90 pounds heavier than I am today.
Oh, and beware that chin hair- it'll come back. Not that I would have any experience with a single solitary black hair on the left side of my face that makes more comebacks than Babs.