Dear Shape Magazine,
Normally I read your pages with lukewarm interest and divided attention. I rarely get excited about an article – although it does happen sometimes – and am not the letter-to-the-editor type. That is, until I got your July issue in the mail a few days ago (never mind that it was May). There I was, flipping idly through pages of silly Special K ads , blatantly photoshopped hydroxycut ads and the same tired advice about sunscreen and vitamin C for creamy flawless skin, when I happened upon this:
I must admit, it caught my eye. And then I laughed so hard I fell out of my chair. Oh Shape. I understand that it must be really hard coming up with “new” strength moves every month. After all, there are only so many iterations of the basic lifts. But this? Do you really expect any self-respecting woman whose day job does not involve stirrups & a “scoot down” mantra to feel comfortable doing this move on the cable machine in the middle of the weight floor? And even then, those women are trained professionals and should at least get paid. Besides, I’m not even sure how I would get into position for this by myself and I really can’t imagine yelling, “Hey Gym Buddy Allison – come hold my legs open!” while maintaining any level of gym-cred.
Thank You,
Charlotte
PS> Your “trainer’s tip” is very wise. This move could definitely cause pain. On so many levels.
Updated 3/10: Who knew that a short time later I would find myself doing the Gyno move myself? I still heart my TRX though – probably my number 1 favorite piece of fitness equipment that I own. Even if it does embarrass me in public:
More Awkwardness
As if worrying about what you wear and say at the gym isn’t hard enough, you also have to take the actual moves into account. Something that sounds perfectly innocuous in a book or magazine takes on a whole new aspect once you have an audience. I think that I of all people have a very high tolerance for looking like a dork but even I can be pushed over the edge. Some of my favorite embarrassing gym moves (that I still do but, you know, feel really stupid afterward):
Kneeling Ab Curl on the Cable Machine: This ab exercise, a favorite of body builders, requires you to basically bow and kiss the floor in front of whomever happens to be standing in the general vicinity. I imagine they feel like royalty. You? Repressed peasant comes to mind.
My fix: chant “I’m not worthy” with every rep and make sure to clang the plates together loudly. That way people just assume I’m a monk. With really nice abs.
Happy Baby Pose in Yoga: This move is also known as “Breaking Wind Pose” and for good reason. ‘Nuff said.
My fix: make a lot of noise like rustling my mat, whispering to my neighbor and so forth just in case anything squeaks out. And I know that every yoga teacher will say, “it’s okay if some air passes, that’s natural and we’re all adults.” But I have been in yoga classes where the, um, air is passed and we all giggled like school girls.
The Thigh Abductor/Adductor Machines: (you want to click thru this one) These babies are bad enough on their own but at my gym they are carefully situated so you face the windows to the basketball courts. And I mean you are nose-to-the-window. I don’t know how the people on the basketball courts feel about it (Oh no! Old man alert! Quick – media time out!!) but I know it makes me hope that I remembered to not wear shorts that day.
My fix: I don’t use them. They don’t work anyways.
I know you guys have things to add to this list (and pics?) so shout ’em out loud and proud! What moves are the most awkward for you in the gym?
THAT is why I workout at home 😉
Abs exercises- just on a mat- can be super awkward. Particularly side crunches, when you're spreading your legs open and you accidentally look in the eye of the guy walking to the weight machines right next to you. And especially if you're wearing short shorts. Damn short shorts.
bahahah sooo true! there are some moves that i do and i always wonder if it looks as awkward as i think it does! i don't know if any of the specific moves are really that bad but anything that has me laying down and raising my legs probably isn't the most flattering. i always have to take into consideration how loose or tight my shorts are!
As a housewarming gift, a personal trainer friend offered me five free sessions of private Pilates with her. The very first day I arrived in shorts, only to find that she expected me to be in a position very similar to the first one. When she changed her mind, I asked why and she replied, "I'm your friend, and I am your trainer. I am not your gynecologist!"
I laughed so hard at your letter – it's fantastic. I pretty much feel embarrassed doing most moves, that's why I work out at home. It was embarrasing enough getting the 17yo pimply boy at the sport shop to lift my brand new weights into the car because there was no way I could lift them.
People swear by the Abductor/Adductor Machines. I use that as my lead capturing machine at my gym.
laughed out loud here at your letter.
we (the royal. OK THE YOU AND I :)) need to tweet the post AT Shape Mag…
According to "The Rules," you should have had at least 3 sessions with your trainer and he/she should perhaps even buy you dinner before performing the Shape Trainer Tip Act.
Personally, I only perform it once per year in the presence of a board certified professional and it's covered by my insurance.
That's funny, Charlotte! I have had some guys comment to me at the club about distractions from women working out on certain machines that, really, remindewd me of my ob/gyn rotation!
He hee…the thigh machines in the gym I used to go to used to face picture windows out to the street where people could walk by and get full view of your hoo haa while walking by. Thankfully after lots of whining from us all they put tinting on the windows…:)
And yeah…there's no way I'd do that shape move in a gym.
I hate the one that’s supposed to strengthen your glutes. (Wish I could remember the name.) You kneel with one knee and put your stomach on a padded bar. Then using the other leg you kick behind you. It makes me feel like I’m saying “Hey, everyone, look at my butt!”
http://awkwardworkouts.com/
I am very embarrassed to admit I did not read "bow" (there was an extra letter thrown in there) and kiss the floor if you catch my drift. You can imagine my sheer horror when I actually looked at the move…yikes!
This month I'm working through a Jillian Michael's book for my work-outs and at one point she makes you crab walk…which is great, until you do it in public at the gym and look like your back in elementary school participating in some wonky relay race.
I go to a virtually all-male bodybuilder gym and I love the the Thigh Abductor/Adductor Machines!
They all staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare.
:oP
Loved this Charlotte!!!! Seeing that I work out when very few people are around, I may try your version of that inner/outer move on the cable machine in the gym! I use the cable cuff on the cable machine for inner/outers & butt. I have owned that thing for 15++years!
I like watching the guys on the Add/Abd machines! 🙂
You are too funny!
like, ok, thanks for making me totally paranoid now! 🙂
the only thing that comes to mind off the top of my head is when i'm doing squats and sticking my butt our real far. a bit embarassing.
Since when does being an adult mean we can't laugh at farts? Come on people!
I don't care – I really don't. If guys want to stare at my butt when I'm deadlifting, that their prerogative. Mind you, I also do pull throughs (see link below) which make me look like I'm marking my territory, but whatever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9srrE2-oM4
I love the TRX. Our gym has a bunch that we can use. I just wish that they would do a whole class on it.