Riiiiggghhht. I’m embarrassed to even admit that I do this but my neuroses want to know if they have company in your neuroses.
I read a lot of magazines. It’s a sickness really. But my real weakness is that every time I see one of those weight-loss success stories (I lost 90 lbs in 3 weeks!), I go straight for the numbers. Chicken breast…blah, blah,blah… exercise…blah, blah, blah… alien abduction… blah… height: 5’11”. AHA! I need to find their height, see, because they always post weight or pounds lost at the top next to the “after” shot and taken together I can do a quickie mental calculation and figure out the poor woman’s BMI. Not that that is a measure of health. Not that it should even mean anything to me. Except that it does.
I look at them and think, “Okay, that’s where they are happy, where they are healthy and where society finally tells them they are good.” And then I wonder, “Is that what I look like?” It doesn’t matter how different than me they are – older, smarter, stronger, shorter, alien, whatever – I must compare before I can read any further into the article. And yet I know I’m not alone in this. Whole websites, like the Illustrated BMI, have sprung up for the express purpose of showing what different weights and heights look like together.
It’s awful, I know. A while back, Leslie of (the now sadly defunct) The Weighting Game posted about the phenomenon of “body checking” – the practice of checking things on one’s body that one is particularly insecure about to the point it borders on OCD. I think this is my twisted permutation of that. I believe my insatiable desire to compare my body to others’ is because I really have no concept of what I look like. In my mind, I’m always “fat.” No matter what I actually weigh, I’m still “fat.” And so I look to others, not to judge their bodies (invariably I find everyone in these before-and-after stories beautiful and inspiring) but rather to reassure myself about my own looks. If they’re ok then maybe I am too.
Anyone else a serial comparer?? How do I stop?
But she looks so happy with gills!
Love the new system and yes, it's like going back to B & W tv if this bad boy ever fails ya!
comparer…of course. However, i have such a super unique body that i find i look like NO ONE so i do it less and less the older i get. but now, i will be comparing to see how my muscles compare 🙂
any woman, or person, who says they dont compare is either lying or blissfully ignorant. everyone does it 🙂
I laugh that some days I feel FANFRIGGINTASTIC that I dont compare—and then others I think "am I the crazy one?"
I know I walk around in a state of delusion (how I look, how successful I am careerwise etc) and when something passes my way which mightcould refute this sense—-I IGNORE IT.
and move on.
crazy?
maybe.
but so far it is working for me.
Carla
I still compare, but less than I used to. I know I'm not going to look like anyone in a magazine (unless we're talking "National Geographic"), and I actually have stopped reading most fitness magazines. I, too, used to be obsessed with them, but I had to quit my addiction.
Now I get jealous of bendy people in my yoga classes. *Sigh.* It seems like it never ends.
I got over that comparison thing after a while, although I still ":Wish That I Had Jesse's Girl." 🙂
The Illustrated BMI is not on my favs list BECAUSE the BMI is not meant to be a beauty contest but a warning of future medical problems. Unfortunately, if you were to talk to many of the people on that site a few years down the road, their opinion will be different, as "Time makes more converts than reason."
ROFLsnort
I'm really banking on this insecurity lessening as I get older! I'm 31 now though- can it magicallyhappen now? Please??
If that's crazy then check me into the asylum!
Oh National Geographicc!! Me too, girl, me too.
You are not alone – in every before and after article I read, I do check the height and weight to see where they are happy. I know my version of happy but am always interested in others. When I was going to the gym or when i recently went to yoga, the first thing I do is glance around to see how I fit in. I just thought every woman did that.
Excellent point Dr. J! This would not be the first health measure I have coopted for my own unhealthy purposes:)
I totally relate to, "In my mind, I'm always "fat." No matter what I actually weigh, I'm still "fat." I know I'm not fat, but my image of myself is a chunky person. My husband has gotten really tired of me asking, "How do I compare to that person? Am I fatter or skinnier?" It's nice to know that everybody compares. Although it's something I'm working hard to overcome.
i feel like i'm in a constant state of comparison. but i need to remind myself that my body ran xx amount of miles and it perfect the way it is. corny? yes. but if i didn't do that then i'd go crazy
If you figure it out, let me know!
I honestly have no clue how I look compared to other people. I look in the mirror and think I look one way, but I see pictures and think I look another. I'm constantly asking my husband if women are fatter/thinner/the same as me so I can get an idea of how I actually look.
This is one of those things I tend to do too. My mind is still trying to wrap itself around the idea that I'm not still 100lbs overweight and that now I'm healthy and considered "normal". The further i progress through maintenance the less often I do the comparing. Maybe one day it will go away, but until then I just accept that my mind is a little slow to catching up to my reality.
Height and weight aren't enough information for me, because it never takes into account how much muscle a person in carrying. I can look soft and flabby at 125, or muscular and tight at 130. Therefore, I'm always more impressed by performances: How many pull-ups can she do? What's her deadlift? etc.
I'm slowly getting over the comparison thing at 33 years old. I find myself doing it less and less. I do love a good success story though. I go straight for the numbers as well, and see if my height/weight ratio would correspond to what is considered a "success." I also compare myself to others at the gym and how much weight they can lift, how fast they can run and how in shape they appear to be. Okay, so maybe I'm not quite over my comparison obsession…..but much better than when I was in my 20s!
Funny, I thought this was a requirement of being a woman. I do it all the time. Whenever I hear a rumor of how much a celebrity weighs, I need to know their height. And I secretly hope they’re much, much shorter than I am. I also compare myself to friends who will say I weight XYZ. And I think, I’m taller/shorter than you. It’s sick, I know. Glad I’m not sick alone.
"It doesn't matter how different than me they are – older, smarter, stronger, shorter, alien, whatever – I must compare before I can read any further into the article." LMAO. Okay so I know it's not really funny at the heart but….
I can totally relate. (sigh)
Although I've gotten better at comparing myself by choosing people who share a similar body type and then calling it "motivation". 😉
I actually stopped sharing my actual numbers on my site for this very reason. Not that people *want* to look like me but I remember before I lost all my weight that the first thing I wanted to know about someone who had transformed their body was their height and weight b/c then I could find my "magic" number. I don't want anyone reading my story and walking away with a magic number b/c it's about so much more than numbers. Make sense? Or am I rambling. I'm probably rambling.
Well apparently a lot of us do! Not quite everyone – see MizFit above for inspiration:) Glad to know I\”m not alone!
Yeah me too. My problem is that it never makes me feel better long term. It's a temporary high but then I'm right back to feeling crappy again.
I've heard a lot of people who have lost a bunch weight say the same thing – perhaps it just takes your mind a bit longer to catch up? Congrats, btw, on your accomplishment!
True story!! Do you think strangers would be creeped out if I approached them to say \”You look really fit – could you bang out some push-ups for me?\” 🙂
That's true for me too – I am much better than I used to be!
Total agreement here . I don't post my height or weight for that reason. Rather I just talk about changes.
Since my weight has pretty much leveled off I've lately tried to focus on how I feel not my weight. Some day it works. Some days it doesn't…
I make a beeline for any trashy magazine with a weight loss or diet headline. Constant comparer here. 🙁
Oh Charlotte – another post strikes right at the heart of my craziness….I too am a constant comparer – only with a difference. I have absolutely no concept of how I look to others. None. whatsoever.
many times I have told my hubby that I am f at, to which he replies – you are not fat, you are delusional. He asked me once at a mall to find someone that was exactly my size, my proportions, and he would snap a pic and we could compare – I did better than one person (because overdoing it is my middle name….er…middle 2 names?) and found 4 perfect comparables. He took the photos, with me in the same frame, and lo and behold, those I thought were my perfect twins were in fact at least 3 sizes bigger than me.
…dysmorphia at its finest!
You know… I used to compare my body, constantly, to every other girl – am I bigger or smaller than her? – and compare to online stats because, like you, I felt I had NO concept of what I actually looked like.
I've gotten better with the whole weight neurosis thing, and I don't really compare my body/weight with others. But I do still compare shoes, clothes, accessories, hairstyles, etc. I think it's just so programmed into us to compare ourselves to other women that it's hard to stop completely, even if it stops being about weight. Similar to how kids at schools with uniforms will still find ways to express individuality – and ways to judge each other and create hierarchies. It becomes about the accessories, hairstyles, shoes, whatever. I think it's like that for women – even if you can stop comparing your weight and body, it's hard to completely stop comparing yourself to other women.
I find myself constantly comparing what I'm doing to what everyone around me is doing. I know I shouldn't, but I can't seem to help it. That lady is lifting more weight than I am. Someone else can kick higher than me. Even now, I think about what you could do at this stage in your pregnancy versus what I'm able to do.
However…I also compare myself to the girl I was 8 years ago, during my first pregnancy. I wasn't active at all, so I try to remind myself that anything I do now is healthier than I was before.
I am so like you Charlotte.. even after all these years. Like you, check me in too to the MizFit comment. How awesome is that.. She has such a great outloook!
Yeah, but remember I'm also the girl who turbokicked so much that I gave myself pelvic bleeding and ended up on restriction for most of my third tri:) So – and I may have mentioned this to you a time or two but, DON'T be me!! You are awesome and beautiful and such a good mommy. I'm so proud of you!
Thanks, Charlotte! I do remember that part. I'm pretty darn proud of myself, too. 🙂 XOXO
I am the opposite – I think I'm thin, but I'm really obese. I compared myself to other people and thought I came up thinner. Not the case.
That's the same problem i have. I lost like 40lbs and i have no idea what i look like anymore. Like when i go pants shopping i always pick up the size that i now fit into and say these are way to small, i'm never going to fit into these, and then i magically do. It's really weird to have a skewed sense of your body. I told my mom that i'll always think of myself as a "fat" girl even though i'm healthy now.
That's LIFE!
Weird how the mind plays tricks on us, isn't it?
I read somewhere that it takes your body's hormones like 6 months to adjust to your new weight after losing a bunch of weight. Apparently it takes our minds a lot longer!
oh, I do not like the Illustrated BMI! so horrible. it reminds me of how when they decide to do a news story related to the "obesity epidemic" they'll show shot after shot of an unknowing person caught on camera with cropped off head. It's a crime these days–"walking in public while obese"
anyway, i have noticed that since i stopped reading fitness magazines and tabloids at the gym, it has really stopped a lot of my neurotic comparing. i'm a bit of a perfectionist like you and must be the best! when i do browse an occasional magazine, i've grown so cynical out the use of photo shop everywhere that i hardly ever believe it's the real body anyway.
i've also learned that as long as i'm doing what i can to be healthy–both in body and mind (that means don't work out more than 6 days/wk or too crazy intensely) that i can accept the results of this work and even feel happy about it.
Very sensible advice! You are where I'm working to be. Step one: I've cancelled most of my magazine subscriptions. Just waiting on a couple to run out.
I'm with you HEab. In fact my sickness goes deeper. I only buy the trashy magazines that have the waifs that are wasting away. Why is that? Or the ones with "Guess who's Cellulite-laden ass this is??!!!" Gah! (love In Touch)
Yup, a comparer too. Need to know the height. If there are so many of us out there, then it must be normal, right?
My hubby has the following observation: It isn't the men checking out the women: it's the women checking out the women! LOL.
Your hubby is so right. When we're getting dressed to go out, my husband will ask me to wear something he likes (we have very different tastes!) and I'll refuse. He'll say \”Why? Don't you want to look good for me?\” And I'm like, \”No, I want to look good for the other women!\” LOL.
I selectively compare. I combed through the winter olympics stats sites and noted that I was doin' alright when I saw the height/weight, and that made me happy. But it was still comparing. I've worked on being happy with me, but it's still nice to assure myself that I'm doing ok…
Now models – I just ignore. I'm not willing to make the sacrifices to become a bony clotheshanger. It's nice and all to be 5'11" and 110 lbs but I know that it's not gonna happen for me.
If my memory serves me right, male and female has different speed of losing weight. There is a body mass index thing, the height etc to consider in order to know how much is needed to loss. The speed may differ but we'll just keep on the routine. Then comparing may takes place later.
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