This man is pretty much an oxygen savant. He breathes it and then recycles it into energy! And to think Al Gore got the Nobel…What, you think you’re doing well just by breathing the O2? Pansy. Why settle for basic respiration when there is so much more you can do with oxygen?
Top 3 Things To Do With Your Oxygen:
1. Sleep ala Michael Jackson (and I don’t mean in the final sleep sense – may he rest in peace – but in the sleep sense he was so famous for in life. I know, can I make this any more complicated?) so you too can live to “see world peace, a world without hunger, a world where children and all mankind know no suffering.” Who wouldn’t want that kind of Coca-Cola utopia? All you have to do is live in a hyperbaric oxygen chamber. Fun!
2. Become an elderly terrorist by insisting on smoking while toting around your oxygen tank that you must have for your inexplicable emphysema. Tell everyone loudly that oxygen is NOT flammable (which is true) but fail to mention that it will make a very pretty combustion reaction when in the presence of fuel such as, oh, clothing, hair or skin.
3. Go to an oxygen bar just so you can use the line “Want to share my oxygen, baby? I’m trained in mouth-to-mouth.” Practice in front of the mirror first for maximal effect. I’d say practice ducking too but if she’s got a canula up her nose then she probably won’t be too swift.
O2 4 U!
Or you could be boring and use oxygen to metabolize your food. Which technically isn’t an option as we all do it and, I know, it’s not funny. Sorry. But hey, at least I got to do my PSA about smoking and oxygen tanks (Hi Grandma!!). And who doesn’t love a good Michael Jackson segue?
A few years ago a diet fad came out about eating for your metabolic type. At the time I summarily dismissed it as the underlying science seemed shoddy and the press very hyperactive and anecdotal. This weekend however, I decided to take a closer look at it. Why? Because it turns out that it tells me exactly what I want to hear. Research, smesearch.
Everyone’s cells use oxygen to convert food into energy. This is called cellular oxidation. Back in the 1930’s (incidentally the era for best women’s hats ever), while everyone else was worrying about how to procure food without resorting to the Joad method, scientists discovered that the rate at which people oxidize their food varies. Researchers postulated that given this natural variation, usually attributed to genetics and climate of origin, different types of oxidizers would thrive on different types of food.
What Type Are You?
According to Making the Cut by Jillian Michaels – she of Biggest Loser infamy – there are three basic types:
Slow oxidizers: “Also known as carbo types or sympathetic dominant. They generally have relatively weak appetites, a high tolerance for sweets, problems with weight management, “type A” personalities, and are often dependent on caffeine.”
Balanced oxidizers: “Mixed types are neither fast or slow oxidizers, and are neither parasympathetic or sympathetic dominant. They generally have average appetites, cravings for sweets and starchy foods, relatively little trouble with weight control, and tend towards fatigue, anxiety, and nervousness.”
Fast oxidizers: “Also known as protein types or parasympathetic dominant. They tend to be frequently hungry, crave fatty, salty foods, fail with low-calorie diets, and tend towards fatigue, anxiety, and nervousness. They are often lethargic or feel “wired”, “on edge”, with superficial energy while being tired underneath.”
According to Ms. Michaels, your oxidation type changes your macronutrient ratios. Specifically, slow oxidizers should eat Ornish at 60 carb/25 protein/15 fat. Balanced oxidizers go with The Zone at 40/30/30. Fast oxidizers are Atkins at 20/50/30. She then goes on to give you a complete list of foods in every category that you should and should not eat, depending on your type, complete with menus.
This was interesting to me because a) I covet Jillian’s abs and b) if I allow myself to eat how I feel best, I fall very close in line with her slow oxidizer recommendations which according to her test, is what I am. Given the hype lately around low carb and my love for Mark’s Daily Apple, I have been trying to limit my carbs. This makes me feel groggy, lethargic and all-around crappy. But as soon as I get my carb infusion (usually via healthy carbs like whole grains or fruit although a box of Junior mints will also do the trick) then I feel awesome again. I love it when people tell me what I want to hear!
Want to know your type? For fear of Ms. Michaels (have you SEEN her?) and her legal team, I am not going to post her quiz although I certainly can’t stop you from, say, going to Barnes & Noble and plopping unceremoniously on the floor for half an hour in front of the Fitness Section. Just remember to bring a pen & paper. They frown on writing in the books. Not that I know this from experience. Ahem.
Or if you prefer Internet tests, I found this one which is not quite the same but gives the general idea. There are plenty of other Internet tests but they all cost money. And because my skepticism is squealing like a stuck pig (a misfortune I have actually had the displeasure of witnessing), here is an interesting rebuttal to the metabolic typing quizzes.
Anybody tried this? What kind of oxidizer are you? Am I clouded by dreams of air-brushed abs? Or is there a grain of truth to all this? Nothing intelligent to add? Hit me up with YOUR best oxygen-bar pick-up line!
Confidential to the Barnes & Noble Book Boy: I appreciated your (unasked for) review of Ms. Michael’s book & The Biggest Loser (which I have never seen) and I was with you right up until you said, “And you know strong women can be a real bitch.” Which is not only grammatically incorrect but offensive. Jillian Michaels may very well deserve the epithet but if she does it isn’t because of her strength. Which is probably why you were working at B&N at 11 o’clock on a Saturday night.
so true on making your own luck! that's what the post i linked to said. if it's up to be, it's up to me…make your own luck, for sure!
non dessert recipes…well, i eat rabbit food, green and crunchy every day all day, so i fear people wouldnt be nearly as into that as they are the dessert balls 🙂
OMG I am a textbook SLOW Oxy. acording to your info
and based on diet, that one has the lowest protein requirement. and yes, indeed, I have said all along i just dont need that much protein. and here, I am validated!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh I would be SO into rabbit food! That's pretty much what I eat all day too and I'm always looking for ways to shake up my thrice a day salads.
While I agree with what this tells me (fast oxidizer, need high amounts of protein) will someone please tell me why I crave carbs like crazy! In trying the high protein diets I always feel fantastic, but eventually my cravings for tasty white bread and cinnamon rolls and tortilla chips turn into a crazed carbo binge (and I feel like crud afterwards).
Maybe I just need more sleep, off to try that……
As I suspected, I'm a carb junkie. Bring on the sugar and pasta! Oh, and the apples.
I'm a failure. I'm part of each of those oxidation type. Maybe I can eat like all of them. I still don't think I'd follow this even if I did fall into one of the categories. I think a balance is best.
Another oxygen tidbit: There are oxygen facials, which Madonna uses, along with mass amounts of botox or plastic surgery or whatever, to look younger than she did in 1983.
I don't buy it, at least until I see a few well-researched papers proving it.
I want to spout off all the science I know about combustion and oxidation and such, but it's way to early and the baby was up way too much. So, instead, I'll cruise the gossip sites.
I will say, though, that after Jillian's entrance into the diet pill market, I will take everything she's ever said with a grain of salt. (Plus, the test told me to have a high protein diet and I do NOT do will without carbs.)
Very interesting post! I also saw a thing on Dr. Oz but not this one. anyway, I seem to be the balance one & I do eat close to 40/30/30. In general, I tend not to follow these things & just do what my bod feels good with.. I listen to the bod & make changes as I see fit. Definitely interesting tough!
According to the test you linked, I'm a slow oxidizer. I mostly agree with the description except that I am definitely not type A – I would say the 'and tend towards fatigue, anxiety, and nervousness' under Balanced is a more accurate personality description. But I do think I feel better on more carbs and I gravitate toward vegetarian eating.
I do think that everyone is different. Whether you can stick everyone in a category based on this kind of test…I don't know. It's an interesting idea though.
Haha. Seems like I tend towards the fast oxidizer group. The test says to eat lots and lots of meat…I'm a vegetarian 🙂 That won't be happening.
Took the quiz and came up mixed – I did think some of the questions were interesting (heal quickly, insect bites, etc) and had hoped it would come up with something very definitive. From history, I lose weight on low carb, gain on high carb and sort of maintain on mixed (end up gaining because I veer towards too many carby snacks).
I'm with bjbella… definitely a fast oxidizer according to the quiz and your descriptions but why the strong, overpowering urge to binge on carbs?
Carbs make me crash, make me overeat, make me crave and make me hungrier.
Am I a fast oxi with a severe addiction to carbs? Should I completely abstain from them to prevent from overindulging?
Hmm. Like Jody, I too saw the Dr. Oz show. According to his show, I should eat less carbs to be healthy and lose weight, but according to Jillian's theory, I should eat more. I'm a carb-o-holic and crave them all the time, but in my experience, I feel and look better when I eat fewer carbs and more protein/veggies/fruit.
While I think girlfriend knows her stuff, it just goes to show that you can't stick us all into 3 neat little boxes and expect it to work.
I've been listening to podcasts of Jillian's old radio shows and she discusses the different types of oxidizers a lot when answering calls from listeners. The first time I heard her describe it, the concept really struck me because I am textbook fast oxidizer. I have learned that while I can tolerate some carbs, too many make my head foggy and make me grumpy and exhausted. I don't need to be as extreme as Atkins would have me be, but I absolutely thrive on a higher-protein diet. I have energy, I stay full longer, and I never have mid-afternoon slumps anymore.
It's just further proof to me that there's no one right way for everyone to eat.
Is this a re-post? I feel like I have read some or all of it before.
I am a slow oxidizer too, but try to do more high protein because it keeps me from feeling hungry and then I don't get the cranky blood sugar spikes.
I too covet her abs, but I am further from them then you are.
Also, boo-urns I cannot find my BRAND NEW running skirt. It got eaten by my bedroom or my boyfriends. I will do a thorough search today and try to post a picture.
Interesting…
According to the quiz, I am a protein type which sounds right. – although I don't eat as much protein as recommended in the linked Health Yellow Pages description. 45%-50% protein sounds excessive to me!
I noticed that the article at About.com says that a high protein diet (40-30-30) "can lower metabolic rate by creating a shortage of glucose in carbo types and a shortage of protein in protein types, both resulting in muscle breakdown." I think that's a bit simplistic – it depends *when* you eat carbs. I plan my meals around my workouts.
I experimented with my macronutrient ratios when I followed "Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle" and found that the standard BFFM diet (from memory its 40/40/20) left me feeling bloated and cranky – bloated from too many carbs, and cranky from not enough dietary fat. Roughly one-third of each macronutrient (with high quality food choices) seems to work best for me.
It's clear that people's dietary needs do vary, and we need to factor exercise into that.
I tend to take any diet plan/advice that you have to pay for, which isn't backed by any study and seems overly simplified to apply to as many people as possible, with a HUGE grain of salt.
I think people need varying amounts of different nutrients, yes. I've known people who ate carbs all the time and probably needed to gain weight, and I've known people who could eat half a slice of bread and gain 2 pounds. Then again, a lot more goes into weight gain/loss than just what you eat (like how much, how often, exercise amounts, etc). Often nutritionists will have you keep a food journal, and while not great for any recovering from an eating disorder, it can help to identify patterns in what makes you feel tired, great, etc.
But if I'm going to pay for it, I want personalized advice from someone with science to back it up – not a simplistic book designed to sell as many copies as possible.
Apparently I am in need of more protein, fewer carbs. But I refuse to eat brains! What am I, a zombie? Actually, given my lack of sleep I kinda feel like one… But no brains!!!!!
Brains? Um, no thanks!
Yes, this is a repost from two years ago. Fridays are still Greatest Hits day at the GFE:) I keep forgetting to put the tag on the bottom though to let people know. Sorry!!Â
And I hope you have found the skirt by now! So excited to see it!!
Oh Charlotte you shameless hussy!
First you present me with a blog title that compels me to use that overused phrase "suck it up" and then you positively force me (yes, I struggled mightily) to click on a link that let my mind wander among the glamorous styles of 30's haberdashery.
Er… what was the post about, again? I've lost the thread.
Easily amused = endlessly entertained
Oh Merry! I love you!! This: \” Easily amused = endlessly entertained \” is SO ME too!!Â
Great minds… 🙂
me too! haha