Context is everything. What is perfectly acceptable in one venue can be humiliating in another. Kanye learned that when he “Imma let you finish”-ed Taylor Swift at the music awards. Dorothy learned that when she melted one witch and was saved by another. My 5-year-old learned that when he dropped trou in the middle of a playland and peed on a plastic tree (true story – my husband and I just walked away shaking our heads with everyone else and muttering “Where is his mother?!” Parents of the year, that’s us.) And the Gym Buddies and I learned that today as we took part in a mini Jiu-Jitsiu experiment. (Yes, this month we are officially doing a dance Experiment but someone offered to give us a lesson for free and we are never ones to turn down free.) I love the martial arts – kickboxing and karate have been two of the best workouts I’ve ever tried – so what could go wrong? When people ask me in interviews for my book what’s the number 1 thing I’ve learned from my Experiments, I usually answer “That there are 2,001 ways to publicly humiliate myself.” Today we accomplished at least half of those.
See, Jiu-Jitsiu is colloquially known as “submission grappling.” Yeah. A little history lesson: Jiu-Jitsiu is “is a martial art, combat sport, and a self defense system that focuses on grappling and especially ground fighting. The art was derived from the Japanese martial art of Kodokan judo in the early 20th century.It teaches that a smaller, weaker person can successfully defend against a bigger, stronger assailant by using leverage and proper technique—most notably by applying joint-locks and chokeholds to defeat the other person.” You see it used often in MMA (mixed martial arts) fighting. You know where you do not often see it? At my Y.
“First step is to mount your opponent.” I looked down at Gym Buddy Megan and cocked an eyebrow as I straddled her. Our instructor continued, “And then you’re going to roll them until they submit.” Megan and I held it in for a good ten seconds before erupting in gales of laughter. Frankly with as many kids as I’ve had, she’s lucky I didn’t pee on her.
“I’m sorry,” I gasped as I wiped the tears off my face. “I forgot to tell you that we have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy.”
Megan suddenly turned to Allison, “Hey, I love your top! Is that new?” We’re also easily distracted. Our instructor rolled his eyes and told me to re-mount. (I can’t even type that without laughing.) I climbed back on top of her and thus began one of the strangest workouts I have ever tried.
It was all fun and games and amateur-porn jokes until all of a sudden it wasn’t anymore. “Now, I’m going to demonstrate how to roll you,” our instructor said as he grabbed a hold of one of my arms. There was a brief moment of panic. You will remember that I am a Girl With Issues and thanks to my prior sexual assault, I do really really badly in this kind of situation. Back when Sensei Don was teaching us in his self-defense class I had to curl up into a little ball on the floor – literally – to stop myself from shaking. And I know Don much better than this guy (now that I think of it I don’t even know our instructor’s last name*). But before I could work up a good irrational response, he grabbed me behind the neck and flipped me onto my back. None too gently either, I might add. Then he did it again. I was flipped and pinned on my back a good half-dozen times before the instruction was over. And you know what? Nothing bad happened! The world didn’t end. I didn’t run from the room. I didn’t even cry. In fact, we all laughed a lot. As I recounted the story to my sister later on, she pointed out to me that what I’d basically just done was immersion therapy – where you expose yourself to the thing you fear the most but in a safe situation so you can convince your body to stop freaking out. I believe this is what we call A Breakthrough. Martial arts again is awesome therapy for me!
Here’s one type of roll that we learned today. This is me making it look hard:
Charlotte rolling Allison
And here is Allison making it look easy:
Allison rolling Megan
I learned a lot today. I now know which Gym Buddy will bite if you get her cornered (seriously – she bit!) and which one will take one for the team when that means having some guy wrap his legs around her head. I also learned that I’m stronger than I think I am and doing things that you’re really afraid of can be very freeing. I also learned that a straight hour of non-stop laughter is the best core workout ever.
Have you tried a martial art? Have you ever confronted something you were really afraid of? Have you ever found yourself in a hilarious-yet-compromising position during a workout?
*Our instructor was great but he requested I not use his name or image in my post. No idea why. If he told us he’d probably have to kill us and after today I’m pretty sure he could!
Eeee yay for breakthroughs!
We used to do some pretty embarassing partner stretches when I danced, ballet instructors have little patience for 15 year old girls with dirty minds and the inability not to laugh at everything.
So true about the stretching! Our coaches used to “stretch us out” in gymnastics and they go into some pretty awkward positions!
Yet another post that makes me wish I had gym buddies. I don’t think I would have stopped giggling and the instructor would have HATED me.
Um, yes. We didn’t stop giggling and he might hate us now. Total possibility. BTW, we would have loved to have you do this one with us!!
I just had flashbacks to when I took a self-defense class in college with my roomie. She was my attacker (I had a good 30 lbs on her), and I got to toss her off me (um, yea, I still don’t think we got a good amount of practice in that class). On the bright side, I learned how to dislocate a knee, wheeeeeeeeeeeee!
Wait you dislocated her knee or your own? Either way, OW. Ah, college self defense classes… good times;)
You guys are nuts! The part about your friend being lucky you didn’t pee on her had me rolling with laughter.
I really enjoy martial arts but unlike you I prefer the art to the martial which is why I like taekwondo. I don’t think I could ever grapple regularly. I don’t like other people’s smells, textures, or sweat.
AGREE laughing is the best core workout EVER!
Yes, there were a lot of, um, smells involved. I’ll just leave it at that;)
The gym buddies go Kama Sutra demo. I honestly never thought I’d see the day.
(P.S. The your big breakthrough is awesome! So happy to hear it!)
And I was waiting for someone to make this joke!
That looks like such fun ! I used to do a very “serious” martial art which was a type of Kung-Fu. No laughter in that class. I remember when I was just beginning we had an odd number of people so we had one of the higher grade people help out. One day I was partnered with him and he had me in this choke hold that I couldn’t get out of. He was really hurting me so I pulled the hairs on his legs. He let me go pretty quickly 🙂 I still have an evil little giggle about it now and then.
Now that’s quick thinking! Probably againstthe rules but it def. worked! My kind of girl:)
Oops – the reason I started writing a reply, before I got distracted by my own evil giggle, was to congratulate you on the breakthrough ! Yay for you.
Having had breakthroughs like that myself I know how amazing they feel ! Super Congrats !
Oh thank you!! And you may no recommence evil giggling (I’ll join you;))
I’m curious what sort of person Google will lure to this post with mounting, between her legs, and submission. 🙂
P.S. Yay for your breakthrough!
I thought about that… it’s going to be a strange few days around here, lol.
You guys always look like you are having so much fun!
The only martial arts class I’ve ever taken was Tai Chi which I really enjoyed, but I have a tendency to laugh a lot as well and I get the feeling Tai Chi can be pretty serious. Fortunately the instructor we had didn’t seem to mind.
True dat! We have a blast together no matter what we do!
LOL – I can see how this can be embarrassing 🙂
But on the other hand, it looks like a lot of fun especially if one should do it with a girlfriend
SO much fun!!
I think the Gracie family was brilliant in the way they evolved the fighting arts!
You are so stinkin’ smart…
I took karate for two years!! And did not learn one single thing well enough to remember it today. (Thanks for paying $50 a month anyway Ma! )
Also: when hubby and I roadtrip back to our home state of Massachusetts, I totally want to participate in one of these experiments.
Yeah I’m pretty sure I’m not going to remember any of these moves either… ah well. And you are totally welcome to come workout with us any time!! But we’re in Minnesota not Massachusetts…
We’re driving through there! 🙂 We actually already did on the way here but I think I slept through the whole state.
Well you are welcome to come on the return trip! We love visitors – we’ll pull out all the tricks for you:)
These pictures had me CRACKING up. Then I wondered if this was work appropriate. 😉
I also have touch phobia, that has gotten TONS better since college. I also think that has to do with people not randomly playing “who’s hands are covering your face” outside of college. I haven’t ever done martial arts but it sounds like it might be a good idea.
This: “I also think that has to do with people not randomly playing “who’s hands are covering your face” outside of college.” made me laugh so hard. Does the game end when someone gets kicked in the crotch? Might if I were playing…
I wish! Typically it ended with me curled up in a ball under some piece of furniture, but sometimes people got decked. 🙂
I couldn’t watch the videos at work, but love all the pictures! I will have to remember to shave my legs if I ever come workout with you. LOL
Yes, jiu jitsiu requires impeccable hygiene!!
Way to go on getting past some things! That’s always such an amazing feeling.
I tried Jiu Jitsiu for one class with a friend in college. The instructor wouldn’t let us be partners since I was a good half a foot taller and so we both ended up straddling random guys. Although we both laughed hysterically about it we never went back.
Glad to know we’re not teh only ones who laughed ourselves silly!
Oh my gosh, you all are too adorable! I wish I lived closer than…Calgary.
I only have one gym buddy, and she’s currently pregnant, and will be MIA as of June. And, when I start lawyering full time in July, I have to change my gym to the one in my building- which is fine, since it’s paid for, but she’ll be at a different firm (and thus, at a different gym).
Charlotte, I think you should write a post on ‘How to Find a Good Gym Buddy”, discussing possible traits, and also actually WHERE to find them. I guess the gym is a good place to start….but I mean other places too!
Oooh I will totally do that post! Thanks for the idea!
Yay for breakthroughs!
I think working out and gyms just go together with embarrassing moments. I can only guess what anyone walking by you guys was thinking when they saw a girl on top of another girl wrestling and someone filming it….giggle.
“I can only guess what anyone walking by you guys was thinking when they saw a girl on top of another girl wrestling and someone filming it….giggle.” I hear the childcare workers were shooing the kids away from watching us. oops.
Hopefully none of you have had bean chili in the past few days. Yikes.
I would love to try something like this though — it looks like fun!
Fun!
And congrats on your breakthrough!!!!! That is amazing!!!!!
I took my first self-defense class in high school, from the same karate instructor my brother went to. My proudest moment was when, as I was sitting on the couch minding my own, my brother decided to “test” me and grabbed me from behind said couch. I flipped him over not only the sofa, but over me, as well, and he landed on his back on the floor, next to the coffee table. He looked up at me and said “Good job!”
I bet you surprised the crap out of your brother! Way to go!
Charlotte, congrats on the breakthrough. That’s absolutely amazing.
I love M.Lindsay’s suggestion of a post on how to find good gym buddies. Granted, I don’t workout at a gym, but I’d love to find some awesome people to work out with since my friends and family members aren’t into fitness much.
I love this idea! Will totally do a post on that!
I started a submission grappling course once, but the only people even remotely close to my size and (lack of) skill were all 16 year old boys. After about 6 weeks of “but I can’t do that, you’re a girl!!!!11”, teenage-boy-hygiene issues and mid-grappling erections, I quit. *shudder*
(“Our instructor was great but he requested I not use his name or image in my post.” But… he’s in the video?)
Shhh… it was so brief I was hoping no one would notice that part. It’s the only good shot I got of me actually rolling anyone!
And this: “teenage-boy-hygiene issues and mid-grappling erections,” GAH! worst nightmare.
Also, FYI, I was kind of cheeky in my last comment but I showed him the video and asked him if it was okay to keep on my site and he said it was fine.
This reminds me of the year I was on the wrestling team, and we got to practice what was awesomely referred to as the “Saturday Night Ride” position.
Honestly I can’t even imagine what that one looks like…
What? All that mounting and rolling and no one attempted a rear-naked choke? Bummer.
I’ve done some mixed martial arts and judo. There are four or five women in the judo class and we always end up giggling. I think the guys get frustrated with us, but geez dudes, lighten up. If you’re not having fun with it why bother? We get serious when we need to, and when the 9th degree Korean black belt shows up for tests (but even he likes to have a laugh now and then.)
My thoughts exactly! (Well except for the rear-naked choke – what does that even mean?? No, don’t tell me.)
LOL! I get the giggles when we do grappling at my martial arts studio, too. It’s so important, though. I’ve never been in a street fight, but my instructors have told us that most street fights end up with one or both parties on the ground. Even if you’re not a judo master, having some experience with ground fighting will at least make you less scared, which can keep you from freezing up.
Good point! I def. need to work on that not-freezing-up thing.
Not only do you and the gym buddies always seem to be having a ridiculously good time, but you all always look so cute! I covet Allison’s top.
Thanks! And all of our tops are from J.C. Penney!!! I know! Shop online – they never have anything good in the stores – but they have way cuter stuff than you’d expect! Totally affordable too.
Reminds of your Twister workout from not too long ago. 🙂
Except this was WAY more, um, intimate than Twister ever got.
That was really cute. 🙂 Is jiu jitsiu a good exercise? Does it involve cardio exercises or more on strength? I was just curious about it
Oooh that’s right – I’m supposed to be reviewing it as a workout! Somehow that got lost between all the jokes. Sorry! Well, it’s hard to judge just based on a single hour-long beginner workout but for us it was mainly strength and agility training. No real cardio although I could see how your heart could really get pumping if you were to spar. We weren’t advanced (or mature) enough to try that though! It was super fun though and I would love to do it again. Let me know if you try it Ernest!
That’s either a depiction of my twice-weekly physical therapy, or the best massage ever.
I would definitely try that. This exercise at the same time martial arts is really good. I have tried Krav Maga. Have you heard that? But it is definitely a morbid type of self defense. Hahahaha. This one is like playing. Hahahaha
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Best workout pictures ever.
I take Karate. I think that all women should take some form of the martial arts. I was attacked when I was 18. I froze, could not fight back. Now, I wouldn’t even let someone get their hands on me. Yea, there are embarrassing moments in class, you can’t practice grabs and holds without some ooky moments, but you get over it. The only time I’ve been “inappropriately touched” is by a 6 yr old that I was teaching. I imagine working with women would be less touchy, and more funny. When I started, I would break out in a sweat practicing any kind of rear hold or strangle hold, now it doesn’t bother me. The hardest thing is getting the guys to not be too delicate. I’m not made out of glass.
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Fellow jiu-jitsu-er! It’s always good to see another. I know all about the lolzy porno-descriptors involved, and one of my fellow martial artists has a computer background with a picture of “rear mount” and some sort of related phrase. 😛
One of the biggest problems I have with grappling is that some of the experienced guys feel that my smaller size and inexperience make me perfect for target practice, and they don’t give me any kind of shot to even try a technique I know. While I understand “don’t let them win,” sometimes I also just never get a chance to learn anything.
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Speaking of embarrassing martial arts moments, lol. I do taekwondo, and this one time I accidently knife-handed my instructor in the boob. Awkward.
The post and the comments are very immature. I think it’s to cover up the awkwardness of all the sexual overlaps between grappling and intercourse.