No butt-smacking with these gents – they are fully committed to the sweaty hug!
As if being in a gym setting isn’t opportunity enough for physical awkwardness – I have walked into the men’s locker room by accident twice, thanks – but add in some camaraderie and post-workout endorphins and things can get downright… touchy. You’d think with my history of inappropriate touch I’d be all weird about it but for whatever reason my issues lie in other areas (like getting all weepy that Oprah’s going off-air even though I haven’t watched her show in years (She’s like a second mother to me. (Hey, triple parentheses! I haven’t had this much parenthetical fun since I taught math!))). At any rate, I don’t mind at all when people pat my shoulder or throw their arm around my shoulders. In the right situation, I’m even a fan of the sweaty hug.
While there are as many Awkward Hugs as there are awkward occasions – hello Mr. Blind Date! – I think the Sweaty Hug is unique to a fitness environment. If you’ve ever crossed a finish line or completed a really difficult group fit class or even walked out of the bathroom onto the track (yes, the upstairs bathrooms at our Y actually open up right onto the track and yes, it is every bit as awkward as you are imagining) at the wrong moment, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s the Awkward Hug where at least one party but possibly both are sweaty from head to toe and yet find themselves in an occasion that warrants hugging.
What To Do If You Are A Hugger
Yesterday a girl came up to me after Hip Hop Hustle to say hey and what a great class it was. (It was a great class – Turbo Jennie is teaching us a routine for flashmob at a wedding that, get this, starts with everyone lying on the ground before kicking our legs up into the air and flipping into a one-legged side plank. And that’s just the intro! I know, you wish you were us.) But talk about Minnesota nice – this is the only gym I’ve ever belonged to where it is routine to hug your fellow cardioholics before and after every aerobics class! The moment came. “Oh, I’m so gross!” she said by way of apology as she flung her arms out. “I’m a sweaty mess!” I declared and threw my arms around her. It was Awkward. First, because you don’t want to smell the other person or make the other person smell you and second because we were both so slippery that any aggressive hugging would have left us one kiddie pool away from a sorority Jell-O wrestling contest. And so we kind of gripped biceps, tried not to bump boobs and patted the damp spot in between the other’s shoulders. It was a good sweaty hug.
The ante for embarrassment ups considerably if you are going to attempt a mixed-gender Sweaty Hug. These are less common although I will say I’ve been party to more than a few of these. I recommend the one-arm-swing-and-pat method. It’s close enough to convey your goodwill and still sterile enough to prevent any accidental sharing of bodily fluids. A good loud laugh and a buddy-punch in the arm afterward go a long way in short circuiting the Gym Rumor Mill as well.
Man-on-man hugging is the most rare of all the consenting hugs. Fortunately basketball has taught us that if you are a man in a hugging situation with another man, the best thing to do is to smack him on the butt. Don’t ask me why touching someone’s rear is more socially acceptable than hugging them; I don’t make the rules.
What To Do If You Are Not A Hugger
When two people are not matched in their hugabilities, this is when the real Awkwardness sets in. Some huggers are aggressive – there is nothing short of kicking out one of their kneecaps that will thwart them in their attempt to sweaty hug you. I’ve found that unless the person is completely objectionable and/or scary (in which case by all means, take out their knee), the best thing to do is to let them hug you and then quickly move away, putting something like a weight bench between you and them to preclude any additional hugging.
If you absolutely cannot handle the thought of someone, especially if they are sweaty, touching you, then this is a great time for a little white lie. My favorite is, “Oh, sorry! Just got spray tanned!!” This is especially funny when you consider I’m paler than paper. Other acceptable get-out-of-hugs-free excuses include having a contagious illness (but then why are you at the gym?), having a phobia of germs, and having a killer martial arts instinct that you just can’t control. It helps if you take a step back and wave your hands in front of you while apologizing. (Funny story: Gym Buddy Allison and I were at a restaurant that had dancing. A man came up to ask her to dance. She stepped back and waved her hands in front of her in classic “no” fashion. Which he thought was a cool new dance step and started doing it back to her! You should have seen them no-noing back and forth for the 30 seconds it took her to escape. I would have helped her except I was laughing too hard.)
Ambivalent Huggers
The most Awkward Hug of all is when you have two ambivalent huggers. They think they maybe should hug – after all, a finish line was just crossed! – and yet they’re not really huggers. So they move back and forth, maybe one of them makes a small move, until they either meet weirdly in the middle and limply pat each other or they run away screaming because they can’t handle the tension anymore. Or perhaps they think they know the other person – did they hug at the last finish line? Small world! – but aren’t sure enough to bust their move. My motto: When in doubt, hug. Unless you are a man and then stick to knuckles or fist bumps.
Other Gym Hugging Rules
– Never hug someone while they are lifting weights. Not even if you call it “spotting.”
– Never hug someone from behind. Fitness people are often very fast and strong and do not like to be startled.
– Never hug during a grapevine left or a hop-over-the-step or any other cardio move. You’ll trip up the whole class. I have seen this happen.
– Don’t hug someone in the locker room unless you are both fully clothed.
– Don’t hug someone while they are stretching – just too much potential for misplaced limbs.
Are you a hugger, a non-hugger or an ambivalent hugger? Have you ever been in an awkward physical gym situation? Anyone else feel like Oprah kinda raised them??
Ran into the beach chair lady here in Aruba (she sits in a hut all day in the 90F sun and gets beach chairs for people) and she hadnt seen me in 5 mos. So yes, she’s all sweaty. But I’m dry and she’s pouring sweat and she runs up to hug me. Seriously, I had to literally block her face that was dripping in sweat from just covering me in HER SWEAT I realize not everyone is as anti-sweaty hugs like I am but she was so sweaty it was shocking that she’d try! I still ended up with her sweat all over my dry skin. Ewww!
Great post 🙂
Aw but she missed you!!! 😉
Cute post!!! I’m a total hugger. I even tend to hug some of my clients when we are done with their sessions and they are sweaty and I am not. Of course, they are clients that have become good friends and I know like hugs. I def read people to make sure they are huggers first.
See I knew we were twins! Good point about needing to read the other person first. Def. don’t want to assault anyone!
That totally applies outside the gym in social situations- you should see my mother approach my boyfriend and watch them work out if they are going to wave hello, kiss hello or give each other a hug- then they do it all again when it is time to leave. AWKWARD! I don’t like to meddle – they will sort it out eventually!
Hahah – I’m giggling just imagining it!
I’m weird (surprise surprise) and I don’t mind sweaty hugs. I’m a big time hugger to begin with – I believe you and I hugged mere seconds after meeting – so its cool. But, I used to go to live music shows all the time and if I was in the front and there was a sweaty dancer next to me getting his/her sweat all up in my biz, that I could not handle. So sweaty hugs are okay, but random sweat is not.
Oh! And I almost plowed into some walkers on that track coming out of the bathroom this winter! That’s got to be breaking all kinds of laws, right?
How did i miss that near bathroom collision! I should have warned you…
It gets even weirder before/after water aerobics especially when the totally cool women and much older gentlemen are used to The Social Kiss! I’ve seen lifeguards almost fall out of their chairs in fascination/horror. When I first started taking classes, I worked in an estee lauder outlet store and one day, a really fun older couple walked in to shop. The gentleman spotted me and shouted out ‘Hey! Didn’t recognize you with your clothes on!’ much to the horror of every other sweet old lady in the store. His wife thought it was hilarious and made sure everyone saw that she knew me as well (although no explanation was given so there’s no telling what they all were thinking).
Hahah – I can’t imagine the level of awkwardness a dripping wet swimsuit would add! Yet another reason I don’t like swimming… A hug should not require a bikini wax.
SOOO timely for me as I learned this past weekend Im a huge hugger.
give me a crowd —anywhere—and I turn into my elderly Jewish aunts and embrace even the highly sweaty and tremendously unwilling.
who knew?
Which is exactly how I imagined you to be:)
Non-hugger here. I should be more specific; the group of people that I’m willing to have physical contact with is very small, and limited to people I’m really close with…the people I would list as emergency contacts is essentially the list of people I will hug.
I’m actually super uptight about my personal space at the gym- I’ve been smacked in the face by people that aren’t aware of where their limbs are….I do not like it. This has resulted in me asking people to move away from me during Zumba and other gym classes. I feel like people may not like me for this…but if there is enough space in the room, I say spread out. If a class starts to get too full, I’ll walk out and elliptical or treadmill instead. I’m also afraid of sweat spraying me. And of catching a staph infection at the gym. Personal space helps to avoid that sort of thing. The gym is a dangerous place!
I’m just ambivalent towards Oprah, I never really watched her. I think I was too young for a while, and then when I got older, I didn’t have a TV at university…so it just never happened. My mom is a huge Dr. Oz fan, she calls me everyday with ridiculous tidbits of info, most of which I think are just bogus. I have no idea whether this is because Dr. Oz himself is ridiculous, or if my mom’s take-away points from Dr. Oz are ridiculous….it’s all about interpretation.
It sounds like you know your own boundaries and handle yourself very appropriately. And, sadly, I’ve seen a LOT of people get smacked by flying limbs in Zumba…
Funny thing about my boot-camp buddies; when we first show up and we’re nice and dry, we go with the fist and bicep bumps. It’s not until we’re all sweaty and stinky that we graduate to the sweaty hugs; I think we’re actually doing it to hold each other up so we don’t fall down from exhaustion.
You’re misspelling opera. Never watch it. I’m more of a rock-and-roll fan.
Hahah that’s awesome! It does seem like it’s always a post-class sweaty hug. And your “misspelling opera” took me a full 5 minutes to get and then I laughed reallly hard.
I definitely do hug people, but sweaty hugs not unless it’s in private between two consenting adults 🙂
You come up with the most interesting topics!
OH wow, you just took that whole innuendo and ran with it!
I never was a hugger but I am becoming one due to my fiance’s family. They hug alllll the time. My fiance started to hug my parents and now I even hug my parents. Just funny how that works out lol
It’s kinda nice isn’t it? I wasn’t always a hugger but I’ve been converted…
I LOVE the sweaty gym hug! I am usually oblivious to the other person’s sweat, but totally self conscious of my own. (Why is that? LOL)
Generally, I am pretty aware of the people on the track, though I have been caught up in the congestion a time or two. One of the most awkward moments I’ve had at the gym to date was walking into the leg press machine while someone was using it. I was bruised for WEEKS.
And I love sweaty hugging you! Wait, did that sound pervy? You are awesome.
I’m a non-hugger for the most part — although I have no problem hugging someone taller than me or my same height — it is when the person is shorter than me — than I worry that I’m shoving my armpit in their face and that is no good (whether at the gym or not!)
Hmmm… I believe I hugged you when we met and I smelled no armpit:)
I do hug people, but not in the gym or after something sweaty. Blech. Yuk. Nobody needs me to sweat all over them…and getting a sweaty hug from someone else…not a fan. I opt for the high five or thumbs up.
I’m mostly a non-hugger as well. I’ll hug family, very close friends (only if they’re the initiator!) and my boyfriend. As for sweaty hugs? Only the boyfriend can get or give those!
In a self-defense seminar once we learned “The Oprah maneuver” (how convenient that it connects your two subjects!) Apparently Oprah doesn’t like hugging so when someone comes to hug her she puts her hands on their elbows and slides them down to a double handshake instead. It’s hard to explain, but seriously it works if you’re not a hugger!
Hahah – I love this! I’m totally going to try it!
Thanks for that! I’m going to have to use it, too!
Sweat or no sweat — I don’t hug people who aren’t related to me unless everybody else in the room has hugged first, which would make my not-hugging seem totally antisocial.
Thankfully my friends understand that it’s not that I hate them, I’m just not all touchy-feely like that.
I might have to try Jen’s Oprah maneuver… lol.
Oooh – the peer-pressured hugger! I missed that category!
I’m a non-hugger, which my family finds hilarious. Pretty much if I didn’t marry you or give birth to you don’t want to hug you either. This leads them to believe they should hug me at every opportunity and it makes me crazy. Some people just aren’t born huggers.
THis: “if I didn’t marry you or give birth to you don’t want to hug you either.” totally cracked me up!
I have not watched Oprah in years but feel like I am losing a best friend; not sure why. After a hard work out usually a sweaty bro hug is in order but we are pretty close at the gym I go to. Fist bump for the guys, though. Guy sweat is completely different from girl sweat.
Guy sweat IS completely different than girl sweat. Excellent point!
First of all–men’s locker rooms–how come our Y has more good things in the guy’s locker room than the women’s? We women know this because our husbands compare locker room facts with us.
Secondly, some of the weightlifter guys are so chatty and gossipy. They just talk forever, like they wrap each other in word hugs–for like 20 minutes at a time.
Lastly, I hug a lot of gym friends, but appropriately, meaning women only. When a gym friend that was a guy learned that his wife had died of cancer, I cried a few tears and poked his shoulder with my index finger and said, “That’s the little hug you get with the tears.” It consoled him one hug’s worth. 🙂 Marion
Word hugs! I love that imagery! ANd yeah, locker room drama deserves its own post, lol!
This brings ONE person to mind….. you know who Char!!!!! Who is the ultimate turbo hugger???
Ro, ro, ro your boat? I love her:)
I am a total non-hugger from a long extended family of non-huggers. Seriously, I don’t even like to hug my mom! The only two beings on this planet who get hugs from me that don’t feel awkward are my husband and my dog. The last time I was in an awkward hug situation (and no one was even sweaty — a coworker about to be married) and everyone was hugging her and giving their congratulations, I put my fingers to my temples and announced I was sending her a mental hug due to my hug-o-phobia. I think she understood. My coworkers probably thing I’m weird anyway.
Hilarious. Last weekend in Dallas I was an avid post-workout hugger and I didn’t care because these were my “gym buddies” from years past. They did not have a choice!!
You are soooooooooooooooooooooo funny!
I am a hugger BUT I am a sweater big time & even with my clinical strength deo, I smell so if I run into another hugger & say I so want to hug but I smell & I sweaty beyond sweaty & if they still want to hug, they get what they asked for! 😉
Haha! Love this post.
I’m totally a regular hugger. I don’t mind saying goodnight with a friendly goodbye hug to anyone out with the group. However, if there is sweat involved proper body/limb placement MUST be enacted. You don’t want to press your sweaty self to someone who isn’t sweaty at all. Secondly it sometimes feels a little gross when both parties are slimy (well in some ‘environments’ I suppose it is more acceptable 😉 ). I usually exhibit the lean in with my upper body and loose arm wrap and pat method. This generally keeps my wet torso out of the way and still makes the person appreciated.
Okay, I’m done being goofy with this post. It’s great because it is all true!
I am a personal Hugger. I don’t hug people at work unless I am hugged 1st, and I am not a gym hugger. In my turbo class we do the “Swine 5” (from the Swine Flu epidemic) where we do a high five with our elbows.
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