Not a temptation for me…
I am not a sexy person. Please don’t argue that with me in the comments. I am outgoing, funny, cheerfully serious, pretty-when-caught-off-guard and occasionally entertaining. But sexy? Nope. Some girls ooze sex appeal even in a floor-length prairie dress but I could be wearing a gold mini, a massively padded bra and leopard platform heels (true story, Halloween dance 2000) and still manage to make it look prudish. Those of you who know me in real life can vouch for this. And nowhere is this (missing) quality more on display than when I dance. (Lie. Nowhere was this more obvious than when I was dating and I thank Gym Hubby every day for thinking smart is sexy or I’d still be single. Love that man!)
Here’s the problem: I love to dance. I do it every opportunity I get from the grocery store to the kitchen. I’ve taken lots of lessons. I was even on a dance team. Twice. And if you know anything about dancing, you know that sexiness and dancing go together like public toilets and hand sanitizer, you just can’t have one without the other. (See? Even my analogies are unsexy!)
In the past I’ve taken care of this problem by choosing dances that are on the less-sexy end of the spectrum. When I did ballroom dancing, my specialty was the Lindy Hop – a form of swing dancing known for intricate footwork, aerial steps and its athleticism. Sure some of the girls on my team made it look incredibly hot. I just went for campy. Then one day, a gorgeous fellow ballroom dancer told me he was going to “fix” my salsa – life, it IS just like the movies! (Center Stage, anyone?) – by teaching me how to find my “latin hips.” Fast forward several months of practicing and after my gorgeous partner had introduced to me to his boyfriend – while I could do the motions (I finally got the mambo figure 8 action by listening to The Spice Girls “Spice Up Your Life” until my roommates wanted to drop-kick me. And then do a shuffle ball-change.) I had no spark behind it. One night he threw up his hands in disgust. “You know what you need? Sex. You will never know how to be sexy until have done the sexy.”
Well guess what? Five kids later and my dancing has not improved at all. I showed him.
But my love for dancing hasn’t decreased at all. I tried ignoring it for a while but it came out in other avenues like an embarrassing obsession with dance movies. (I saw Step Up 3-D on opening night. And I had to scream and clap my hands and bounce up and down in my seat. Me and all the 12-year-olds.) So I decided to go back to dance class. Lots of grown-ups do it, right? My first choice would have been to go back to swing dancing but that’s a partner sport and Gym Hubby hates swing dancing with me (in his defense I get super bossy and back-lead like nobody’s business). Ditto for the rest of my beloved ballroom. But that still left me with everything from jazz to tap to ballet! Well childcare being my main issue, I had to find a dance class that would also offer to watch my kidlets while I did it. That left me with exactly one choice: Hip Hop.
When I said I loved dancing, what I meant was I love all kinds of dancing except for Hip Hop. Zumba? Ay yi yi mamacita! Folk Dancing? I’ll bring my daisy chain! I even adore the much-maligned polka. (Contrary to popular belief the polka is awesome and fun and one of the best dance workouts you can get. You should totally try it.) But Hip Hop? I’d never liked the music, the clothes are either missing or crazy unflattering and, frankly, it’s one of the sexiest dance forms out there. You’ve seen Beyonce, right?
Nevertheless I showed up for class and, true to Turbo Jennie form, she hooked me from the beginning. That was 3 years ago and I love it now. I still completely suck at it. Oh I can get the choreography just fine but it’s my Latin hips issue all over again. I can’t commit to any of the sexy moves because I just don’t have it. Sometimes I wish I had it. Like tonight – watching all the other girls shake it made me envious that they could be so uninhibited. Seriously, you should see Gym Buddy Allison. I’ve had two separate people come up to me in the past two days to tell me how naturally gorgeous and photogenic she is. (And they’re right of course!)
And it isn’t just dance fitness that’s all about the sexy. I’d say it’s the majority of fitness whether it’s the ladies with the glistening cleavage in the Body Pump posters to the fact that magazines simply cannot dress their fitness models in anything offering more coverage than a sports bra and booty shorts. So every once in a while, worried that I’m missing out on some important facet of my fitness, I try and all my best efforts end in “duck face.” (Do not click that link or you won’t be able to stop doing it!!) So then I think “Eh, the world is not lacking for sexy women. They don’t need me.” Plus I still have issues with the whole women-must-be-sexy-before-anything-else thing. I’d rather be powerful. Is it worth trying for something that is so not me?
In the meantime, I have daydreams about starting a swing dance based fitness class. (Think I could talk Jennie into swing dance hip hop?)
How do you feel about combining sexy and fitness? Anyone else have a hard time tapping into their inner sexpot? Can you be powerful and sexy? Should I just stick to the polka??
Ellen, a sweet lady in the Silver Sneakers program at our gym, offered to teach us a French folk dance. Crazy fun! This is why I love my Y! (And we’d just gotten out of the pool, hence the wet hair etc.)
You DO have the best Y! (And the duck face link is hilarious!)
I also am of the mind that workouts should be, well, workouts. WHY does everything women do have to have a sex-kitten element?!?!?! We’re more than our bodies (or our booties)!
We seem to be going backwards. For a while it looked like we were making a bit of progress: we were more than objects, more than “the girlfriend” or “the mother” or “the wife.” We were individuals.
Not anymore, apparently.
(I don’t do hip-hop workouts. Nothin’ sexy about falling on your face. Repeatedly. Not much of a workout, either. Same goes for pole dancing. I kinda like my neck as it is.)
Oh, and check out balletbeautiful.com. You can download quick ballet style workouts fairly cheaply.
I think your hubby has the right idea. Wait that is coming out wrong. 🙂 What I’m trying to say is that sexy is so much more than the cultural stereotype. I’ve found the more intelligent that man the less narrow is his view of “sexy”. I think it’s b/c the more intelligent men and women don’t let culture think for them. Personally, I find talent, humor, and intelligence incredibly “sexy” but I’m weird. Overtly, “sexy” things are just cheesy. I think we could use a little bit more “mystery” to bring sexy back.
PS I love to dance too but have never been very sexy but I’m fun!
I don’t really have a problem combining sexy and fitness when it comes to those dance classes – hey, it helps to have hips that work right, and getting into a “groove” or a “mood” can not only improve your mindset, but also your workout and your moves. Plus, it’s a tad bit fun to dance with a little extra shake in your booty (so to speak, lol!). I love hip hop and Zumba and I sing along and get into it. It’s fun! Oh and my fav. Zumba instructor worked a mini swing style dance into her latest routine! 🙂 She mixes it up pretty good.
That being said, I’m definitely *not* a fan of bringing sexy into other workouts that don’t have it as an element – ie, running, weight lifting, etc. Super tight white tanks with booty shorts, hair done and makeup, plus the attitude? It’s overdone and makes you look like you’re there to pick people up, not exercise, even if you’re doing a killer workout.
I should clarify the first sentence – I don’t have a problem combining a *little* sexy into those dance fitness classes. Not all out!
I am (apparently) a naturally sexxxaaayyy dancer, without even meaning to be. Which can be a problem at office Christmas parties. And when people think I’m coming on to them when I’m totally not, I’m just trying to enjoy the music and not look like I’m putting on robot moves.
I think it stems from a lifetime of definitely not being a teeny-tiny person, and therefore not wanting to … er … *jiggle* too much. And I have hellishly good natural posture. So I somehow developed a smooth and sashaying style. Ballroom/latin is much more my thing than anything involving bouncing (or the words “hip” or “hop”).
And don’t get me started on the whole pole-dancing schemozzle – that is something I truly headdesk over. Another form of female exploitation now dressed up in the guise of “fitness”. I’m with Alyssa – enough of the constant “sex kitten” crap.
Duckface should have either a minimum prison sentence or a large fine. I HATE duckface. Men hate duckface. Why do girls do that? It is NOT sexy, it’s stupid!
I’m with you on my non-latin hips; this bod will not swivel.
What’s not to love about the “Flirty Girl: workout infomercial? And for those that complain about inequality in sports, Men have pole vaulting, and women have poledancing! Sounds fair to me 🙂
Lol!!!!!
I used to workout in a sportsbra and shorts – not because I was trying to be sexy, but because I sweat like Michael Jordan and wanted to avoid overheating/walking around with a sopping wet tee shirt on. That was about 10 years ago. Now, I NEVER show my stomach – not because I’m ashamed or anything, but because I realize it’s a sexy look to workout with all that skin showing, and I’d rather just feel comfortable and not-stared-at.
PS One of Dan’s favorite Leslie lines is when the movie Honey came out and we saw a preview in the theater and I leaned over and whispered, “I don’t so much want to SEE that movie as I want to LIVE it.” You too, I’m assuming? 🙂
I love your comment about the Honey movie. I love dance movies….and So You Think You Can Dance…and I totally want to LIVE them. 🙂 I live it a little each day when I teach Zumba. haha.
Seriously there is a website for everything. I didn’t even know that was called duckface, but that website rules.
I am the antithesis of sexy, but hearing that there is at least one man out there who thinks smart is sexy gives me hope. 🙂 You may have taken the only one though.
I took a salsa lesson in Ecuador. The teacher told me, after an hour and a half, that I just wasn’t going to get the hips thing down. She kept telling me “HIPS MOVE, NOT SHOULDERS.” Mine are connected. One doesn’t move without the other. See? Not sexy.
ohhhh the sexy dance…I have always loved hip hop, and for some reason God blessed me with LOTS of the “hip” part! I mean, these babies stick out till kingdom come! so the sexy part comes pretty naturally thanks to the panoramic pelvis I got goin on! haha I think as long as you are having fun and keeping it PG-13 (at the most) then bringing a little sexy never hurt anyone! (unless it’s in the mom and tot gymboree class…then i gotta put my foot down!!)
I’m right there with you on the zero sex appeal scale. Try as I might I end up looking exactly like I’m trying too hard. For me fitness and sexy don’t go hand in hand. I strive to be fit because it makes me feel good, strong, and sure, powerful. If I worked out to be sexy, or even feel sexy, I’d end up severely disappointed. I can totally see myself trying a strip tee’s workout, sweat pooling under my arms and glistening on my upper lip as I slip and slide instead of bump and grind. Yeah, it would be awkward.
I have a problem with containing the *attempted* sexy in all dancing. My boyfriend tells me to turn down the hip movement when I’m line dancing with the old folks at the VFW. Seriously.
I couldn’t dance until I found the music that I loved…that makes me want to move and dance and now? Well I get lost in it and dance for me. I’ve been told I dance well to that music…sexily even, which I find hilarious. I just dance for the pure joy of it…I think the rest just leaks out. Bellydancing sure helped me be more confortable with my body and I think that was part of it. Having said that, give me dancing and music I am not into and I’m the epitome of Pee Wee Herman. Pole dancing would be…well…noone needs to see that 🙂
My mom is Polish. She loved to polka. Any time an accordion played anywhere in her vicinity. My (dearly departed) dad was Irish. Did not like to dance at all, much less some crazy polka.
Anyway, a bit off topic.
I am not sexy. Not. So I hear you with the hips and the un-sexy.
If nerd ever becomes the new sexy, then I will be sexy.
OMG! Love this post. I am so NOT sexy…..I’m more goofy and awkward! When I try to be sexy I look ridiculous. My version of sexy is different.
xo
Sarah
Get Up & Go
I think there is a time a place. I think Zumba is kind of meant to be that way, but sometimes it gets lost with just being sexy. I don’t really like showing up to Zumba and people are bearly wearing any clothes and working up a sweat. I’m just not a sexy girl when it comes to work out like that and well with the bun in the oven I’m even more repulsed by the sexy thing. I show up to work out even in Zumba in normal work out clothes. I also enjoy Turbo Kick and I guess that is suppose to be sexy but I’ll let the other girls sex it up. I’m happy to keep in low key in Mom to be work out clothes.
Whoever says turbo kick is supposed to be sexy is WRONG!! Don’t let them lead you astray Dina!! Tough not Sexy!!
I always bring my sexy back.
And as far as hip hop goes, my dance of choice involves anything that involves me “dumping like a truck” or “gettin’ ma freak on.”
#ThatsHowIRoll
OMG I am totally the only other adult in America who saw Step Up 3D. In theaters. And loved EVERY SECOND OF IT.
When I am dancing, I am my truest self. Unfortunately, I’m a rather tall white girl with shoulders and hips that can pop and lock like nobody’s business…but I can’t remember a single step of choreography. Zumba is way hard for me. So I go to electronica clubs where white folks can get away with shaking it around all cray-cray. 🙂
Does your Y have BalleTone? It’s a ballet fitness class we have in the northeast, but I’m not sure how prevalent it is around the country. I went to a fitness conference last year where one of the workshops taught a 50-50 mix of balletone and kickboxing. Seems like a strange mix, but it actually did work!
When I was in college, I took a swing dance course. I learned that I have no rhythm whatsoever — I simply can’t keep time well enough for Lindy. On the otherhand, I found myself really enjoing Balboa, the West Coast style danced chest-to-chest. Outside of that class and a hilariously misguided ballet/tap/jazz combo when I was seven, I haven’t done a whole lot of public dancing in my life. I’m not a clubby person (loud crowds scare me), so the only times I really danced in college were house parties for the Fencing Team. We were the worst dancers on the planet and had so much fun basically just jumping up and down.
I’ve never been able to maintain any fitness program. I would be inspired and interested for a few days then all the inspiration would go off. Tracking your own progress will surely act as an encouragement to keep going. It’s like a scale to see where you were and where you are going and where you are intend to be at the end of it all.
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