Oh well if I can have a rainbow mowhawk and a fancy nickname like Dan the Outlaw Hardy, I’m sold!
Tapout. It’s not just a clothing and equipment line for Mixed Martial Arts practitioners and their ring girls,it’s also the password into the very serious, highly entertaining and slightly strange sub-culture of MMA. What, you thought MMA was just a sport? So did I until I started this Experiment. True, other Experiments I have done have had significant devoted and vocal fan bases (holla Crossfitters!) but nothing has ever come close to matching MMA. These people need their own National Geographic special is what I’m saying. (Except there would be no “native” boobs shots as all the topless chicks in MMA – and there are quite a few – are so enhanced that their bits will still be standing at attention well into their 90’s.)
The concept of UFC (ultimate fighting championship – the largest MMA organization) Fight Night was my first realization that not only do I not know what I’m doing this month but I really don’t know anything about what I’m doing this month. Usually I do a lot of research into my Experiments before I pick them but then usually my Experiments are just about the workout and not an entire lifestyle that I didn’t know existed. So Gym Buddy Megan – her husband Sensei Don is a huge UFC fan – has been giving me a crash course in all things MMA.
Lesson #1: Blood. MMA fighters wear those little gloves for a reason. During the very first workout of the month both Megan and I split our knuckles open during punching drills. I’ve done that before so you’d think I’d remember how much that hurts and how long they take to heal (try washing your hair when every time you bend your fingers you scream in pain). Of course real MMA fighters – which I never said I wanted to be one, I only said I wanted to workout like one – get bloody open wounds on way more than their hands. This sport is not for the squeamish.
Lesson #2: Sex. Any sport that always begins with one person “mounting” the other cannot possibly avoid the erotic connotations. Other moves, as you may remember from my Most Embarrassing Experiment Ever (Jiu-Jitsiu), include the “rear naked choke hold” and “rolling” the other person into “submission.” In addition, if the ads and magazines are to be believed this sport falls somewhere between Greco-Roman wrestling and the Lingerie Football League on the sexy scale. There are female MMA fighters but even they must pose with their tops off, emphasizing their sex appeal over their power (image from ESPN, slightly NSFW).
Lesson #3: C-Sections. Today’s workout, since our knuckles are still crippled, involved doing punching drills while holding dumbbells. (In the picture in the MMA magazine, the man is holding hammers – for what purpose I can’t imagine, unless they use them to bash people’s heads in or something.) It got very burn-y quickly. Then we tackled kicking drills using kettlebells hooked over our feet (awesome!!) and kicking an exercise ball. This was when the floor show really started:
(Note about videos: I switched to Vimeo to host my vids and for some reason it doesn’t show the lengths. All videos are under 20 seconds and are hilariously awful. You’ve been warned.)
The Great Fitness Experiment MMA – Roundhouse Drill from Charlotte Andersen on Vimeo.
Then we moved on to “escape drills” which were supposed to teach us different ways to escape holds, like this one where I’m pressed up against “the cage” (which you may also remember as our ballet barre):
The Great Fitness Experiment MMA – Cage Escape Drill from Charlotte Andersen on Vimeo.
But what we really learned, courtesy of Gym Buddy Allison, is what a c-section feels like. Apparently there’s a lot of pressure. And hip wiggling:
The Great Fitness Experiment MMA – Shrimp Drill from Charlotte Andersen on Vimeo.
That was a “shrimp drill” done wrong. This is a shrimp drill done, well, slightly less wrong. I don’t get to have a baby shoot out of my stomach but then I do make it out from underneath the ball:
The Great Fitness Experiment MMA – Shrimp Drill (the right way) from Charlotte Andersen on Vimeo.
The other members at my Y definitely got their entertainment today with us. And despite all the laughing and ball throwing, we got a really good workout. Win-win! While the fitness definitely gets two thumbs up from me, I’m still not sold on the culture. It seems like the “manlier” men get, the more Barbie-esque the women have to be. But perhaps that problem is more widespread than just MMA?
What about you – does the MMA culture scare you a little bit too? I plan on going to a UFC fight night with the Gym Buddies to get a better feel for it – any advice for me? What would your MMA nickname be?? (Gym Buddy “the C-Section” Allison? Gym Buddy “Oof” Megan? Charlotte “The Clueless” Andersen??)
Oh my gosh, you all are hilariously adorable! Honestly, I think you should do a ‘gym buddy’ tour, where people get to work out with you all!
This also makes me miss my gym buddy, she just had a baby two weeks ago, so I think she plans on being out of commission for another 3-4 weeks (she’s also in another province, so even if she is working out, I’m about a 4 hr flight away).
UFC fighting is banned in lots of places, which sort of scares me away from it. I know a few guys that train for MMA though, and they are in amazing shape. I’ve been suckered into a few UFC nights that involve watching UFC- I end up congregated with the other girls, discussing how much we wish we were having a wine night instead.
And I think you should be Charlotte “The Experimenter” Andersen. No nicknames for Megan and Allison (but their names are alternate spelling of my first and middle name! You need to find a gym buddy Lindsay/Lyndsey/another spelling).
It’s illegal some places?! I had no idea but I can totally see why now. Crazy. And I love The Experimenter for my nickname, hahah! We totally need YOU as a workout buddy. Someone needs to invent teleportation and soon:) Congrats to your Gym Buddy on her new lil’ buddy!
Hmmmm…this might not have ANYthing to do with your comment, M. Lindsay, but one of my daughter’s names is Alison Linsey. 🙂
Those videos are awesome but I don’t think I could sit through a UFC fight. Good luck with that.
Well I haven’t done it yet;) We’ll see…
That was an interesting interpretation of MMA training, I found the use of the swiss ball particularly original:) I’m guessing you didn’t want the expense of buying pads or anything like that, but they are sort of vital. I do muay thai (the stand up half of MMA) and have done some Ju Jitsu, and would never fight MMA. It is bloody, violent, brutal and potentially lethal. I’ve seen a few cage fights and I don’t think I’d be up for going to a fight night. I guess it doesn’t help that I know how much a hard fight can hurt. The training is insanely fun though, and hard.
Oh we do have pads! And we’ve been using them. (That’s how we split our knuckles…) As for the “interesting” MMA training – that wasn’t my idea. We got the workout, Swiss ball and everything, from ultimate MMA magazine. There are some Experiments where I change it up a little but this month as I know *nothing* we’re sticking to the wo’s exactly as written, as weird as they may be!
I really enjoy Muay Thai kickboxing – I should do that for its own experiment! Could you come teach us? Please???
I adore thai boxing, and training you guys sounds like it would be crazily fun, but unfortunately distance and financial backing is against us. I’m in Rockhampton, Queensland, Australia, and that’s a long, long way from where you guys are. I am thinking about becoming a trainer though, because I have a pretty long background (10yrs) in Thai and other martial arts. But yeah, definitely give Muay thai a go if you are interested. There are gyms all over the world now, no reason why there shouldn’t be one where you guys are(though I have no idea how big your home town is, is it a town??). I know what a huge fan of turbo kick you are:)
I’ve gone to a couple of UFC parties that acquaintances have had (mostly just to be around people I don’t see all the time and get out of the house), but I end up ruining it for the poor guy sitting next to me because I’m giggling. I usually leave early and haven’t paid that much attention to it, anyway. Then again I’m not a fan of any fighting sport; not even boxing or wrestling.
Oooh you sound like me! I’ve never watched an entire boxing match or wrestling.. (what are they called? Bouts? Matches?) either. I have a feeling there will be LOTS of giggling when we watch it.
I’d be Dragonmamma, of course!
I know nothing about the MMA culture. But I do love the conditioning exercises. I’m frequently cruising YouTube videos to look for fun, exciting drills to add to my workouts. I love kicking, punching and throwing things around.
You should check out Ultimate MMA magazine then! I’ve been really impressed with their creative exercises! The ads and articles leave much to be desired but their workouts have been a really fun change of pace. And you need a Dragonmama t-shirt!!
I’ll take a (free) look next time I’m at the bookstore. Especially with MMA type workouts, though, I really need to see videos. I have a hard time visualizing how something is supposed to be done by just looking at pictures and reading descriptions.
I had a “friend” in college who was way way into MMA and UFC. I think you’ll understand that I am a bit leery of both since I put friend in quotes up there. Yeah, he was abit intimidating, or so he liked to think. It kind of reminds me of a less (?) redneck version of that scene in Footloose where Ren plays chicken on the tractors. Please tell me you love Footloose as much as I do.
Anyway those videos are awesome, as always!
I love Footloose!!
I giggled at your post because I know exactly what you’re talking about!
I LOVE footloose!! I totally know what you mean and it made me giggle. Good analogy!
I think I’d be better able to sit through MMA Fight Night if the guys had to do moves like “The C-Section.” Now THAT’s entertainment, lol!
We do seem to be stuck in this strange pattern of “It’s-OK-If-A-Woman’s-Strong-As-Long-As-She’s-Sexy” thing (hence all the women in leather bodysuits grinding their stilleto heels into the eyes of their enemies in movies over the past decade). I keep hoping we’ll get away from that and just let women be strong. Period.
And if I were at your gym, I’d totally ask if I could play with you guys!
This: ” I keep hoping we’ll get away from that and just let women be strong. Period.” Sing it, sister!!! I totally agree.
You are awesome..badass that you’re training with MMA – not that I could ever sit through one. But I do love the theatrics of it all. 😉
Hahah – theatrics is the right word! Esp. with the way we do it!
He hee…I grew up with a Dad who liked to watch boxing, so I can get the appeal of UFC. It just seems like the WWF with more beatings, so I think it would be a hoot to watch. I think MMA training would be fun to do -training would be great…I never thought of the split knuckles tho – ow.
As for the girls – watch a bit of GLOW wrestling. Once you’ve stopped giggling at the fakiness of it, you’ll see how they are strong and kick serious butt…altho they still have rediculous barbie like costumes…I think guys *say* they want a strong woman, but when people get all super muscley (like my old high school friend who is a weightlifting champ and could probably make most men feel inadequate) they change their minds…
“like the WWF with more beatings” buwhahaha! Oh dear. This should be an interesting night for me…
I do kettlebells/functional fitness classes at an MMA gym (our trainer rents floor space there). The first time I went in, I nearly turned around and ran out. The atmosphere was kind of intimidating–lots of tattooed, head-shaven, tough-looking guys (who, it turns out, are really a bunch of pussycats). One guy even has a tattoo on his chest that says “Bleed or sweat,” which seems pretty hardcore. They mostly train boxing and Brazilian jiu-jitsu (the sexy grappling part), along with stuff that involves big tires, sledgehammers, weighted sleds, etc. The training part seems great, but the actually fighting has some serious downsides, beyond just getting hit. The gym owner’s son, who is a 24-year-old single dad and a really sweet guy, fights professionally (he has a UFC contract, a big deal for a Canadian boy). He has already had two serious concussions (and is now at risk for concussion syndrome), a back injury and recently had surgery because his nose was broken in 17 places (I never realized that there were 17 things you could break in your nose–I think it was pretty much just smashed). His career has barely begun and may come to a premature end because of these injuries. However, there’s no disputing the fitness of these guys, it’s just that all the effort seems, to me at least, to be directed towards a questionable end (beating another human being senseless).
“there’s no disputing the fitness of these guys, it’s just that all the effort seems, to me at least, to be directed towards a questionable end (beating another human being senseless).” You said it better than I did! So true. And I’m sorry about your friend/owner’s son. I hope he prioritizes his health – he needs to be around for those kids!
I’m a huge germ-a-phobe and whenever I hear “MMA,’ i just think of all the blood and wonder how every fighter doesn’t have hepatitis or HIV. Just the hypochondriac in me.
HIV is very hard to catch, even when you get jabbed with a HIV-contaminated needle you only have a one in three hundred chance of contracting the virus. (See N Engl J Med. 1997 Nov 20;337(21):1485-90.) Moreover, since the rate of HIV infection is very low in the USA (about one in two hundred people), the chances of infection from a random needle stick become 1:300 multiplied by 1:200 = one in 60,000.
This is quite apart from the fact that just getting blood on your skin will have a very small chance of infection indeed. This is since the virus is inactivated quickly outside the body and can’t cross the skin.
Thanks for the info Tim! It’s good to make sure people have accurate stastics about something as frightening and misunderstood as HIV.
Thanks. I did some checking and if you do get blood on you (during the cage fight at the end of this experiment) just washing with soap and water will inactivate infectious HIV particles by 30-fold.
So ignore the blood, just focus on winning the fight.
Yeah all the blood weirds me out too – mostly because it just looks so *painful*!
Not into MMA or even regular ole boxing like men love to watch on tv – yes, some women too but mostly men… people beating the shit out of each other – not my thing!
BUT I would watch your videos all day long! Too funny!
OOOH MMA terrifies and attracts me.
Sadly the same is true of Vimeo.
oh that I were joking 🙂
Love MMA and have watched every UFC pay per view since 2006 (missed two or three due to traveling.) I am disappointed with the UFC’s lack of support for women’s mma, but hope to see that change as the sport continues to grow. The sport is exciting and technical. Also, unlike boxing, where the main even on the card is enjoyable but the undercard is usually pathetic, an MMA card features nine+ fights, all of which are exciting and competitive.
MMA holds not interest for me at all. In fact, I find it quite disturbing sort of like gladiators. However, I’ve come across a lot of good exercises.
Why did you switch to Vimeo?
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