I found this framed picture at my local thrift shop today. It really has nothing to do with today’s post but how horrifying is this thing? It’s like the patron saint of pedophiles. Or Fabio’s night job. Either way, it would give my kids night terrors…
“Are you looking for the Easter Bunny?” “Are you girls lady Marines?” “Are you insane?!” Over the years the Gym Buddies and I have gotten a lot of weird comments from people at the gym. Granted, we do a lot of weird things at the gym so it’s not like it comes out of nowhere. The funny comments are my favorites – we’ll laugh for days over a great one-liner. The educational comments are great too; I can’t even tell you how much I’ve learned from the kindness of strangers. But there are a few comments that can be pretty annoying. Here are our Top 10 DisLikes: (And yes, we’ve gotten each one of these in real life.)
1.” That’s my weight bench. Can’t you see I marked it with my water bottle?” Sure I saw it! And I chose to ignore it! Because the gym is super busy right now and you are not a dog so please don’t mark your territory. I’m happy to share it with you and I’ll get out of your way ASAP but you don’t get to claim everything in a 20-foot radius as “yours.”
2. “You look very muscular; don’t you ever wish you could have a little dancer’s body?” First, thanks for noticing my muscles – I work very hard for those. Second, I think the tall, slim “dancer’s body” is mostly born and not made. Although you don’t need to have a typical dancer’s bod to be an amazing dancer, as evidenced by the wide range of girls on this season of So You Think You Can Dance. Third, I spent a significant amount of my life wishing I looked other than I do but where did that get me? Nowhere good. So no, I don’t.
3. “Heh, heh, hope fatty over there doesn’t break the leg machine, amiright?” No you’re not right. You’re rude. Fat jokes are never funny to me. I think it’s awesome that people of all sizes work out at my gym. Although I do hope someone breaks the leg machine because that thing is a hazard to life and limb.
4. “You smell nice.” Please don’t stand close enough to me to smell me. Ever.
5. “I hope you have someone special in your life because they will really appreciate all that.” Said while eyeing us up and down for several awkward minutes. It was actually followed with, “I hope you don’t think it’s creepy that I’ve been watching you.” Well it wasn’t creepy until you said that. Everybody looks, I get that. But you don’t need to say it. And please don’t do the full body scan either.
6. “Can I help you with that?” I do appreciate someone stepping in to help me with a weight if I am in obvious distress and/or screaming for help but otherwise I’m there to lift weights. So let me lift them. Although I do appreciate the chivalry. Related: “Are you sure you can lift that?” Well I was until you just said that…
7. “You sweat like a man.” This is true – Gym Buddy Allison and I have been known to sweat a puddle large enough that we slip and fall in it – but this is one of those things that doesn’t need to be said. Related: “You must have forgotten your deodorant.” I think deodorant is overrated in gyms anyhow. We sweat over our whole bodies so what’s the point in having a little oasis of French Sparkle Vanilla Soothing Camel Essence in each pit?
8. “Can you show me how to program this treadmill?” I’m more than happy to show you how to turn on the closed captioning for Hoarders… but not during my run. Just wait until I’m finished with my lift or sprint to ask. (And also, how can anyone watch Hoarders? I watched it for 5 minutes to day and literally dry heaved. Gah.)
9. “Nice rack!” Megan’s reply: “Do you mean the way I hold the weights or my boobs?” Me: “He means your boobs Megan.”
10. “Did you just pee your pants?” Nooooo! Uh-uh. Nope. Totally just crotch sweat! ….Okay, maybe a little. I’ve birthed 5 children – what do you expect from me? Where are the paper towels in this place??
*While the title says “girl” I will venture that most men wouldn’t like these comments either but since I’m not one, I won’t presume to speak for them. Which is to say I’m totally comfortable speaking for the entire other half of the human species. Ahem. ANYHOW. Nor am I saying that men are the only people who say these things.
What’s your least favorite comment you get at the gym? Anyone else not have the stomach to watch Hoarders or do you watch it for motivation to clean you house?
As an addendum to #9, I once had an older woman at the gym GRAB my butt and exclaim how hers “used to be a perky peach like this.” It certainly wasn’t sexual in any way–so I can’t get too worked up over it–but getting groped is always a bit disconcerting.
Also, Hoarders is terrifying. You didn’t happen to watch the episode with the one food hoarder who liked to bake her daughter meal worm cookies, did you? That was some SERIOUS Whatever Happened to Baby Jane business.
“That was some SERIOUS Whatever Happened to Baby Jane business.” Buwhahahah! Awesome.
OMG, I saw that episode of Hoarders and it was terrifying!
LOL! Those were some off the wall comments for sure! And I do watch Hoarders occasionally cuz it makes me feel better about my house 😉 like it isn’t really that messy after all…..terrible I know.
Hoarders – EW.
Gym comments – I don’t get too many of them. I am a “regular” and stick to myself (minus my political chats with a somewhat new gym friend (yay for gym friends and double parenthesis in one sentence!)) but I have had a few. One of the regulars (who seriously looks like your sister!) said a month ago I looked like I was losing weight !! and a few other times I’ve had middle aged men look at what I was doing and say “that looks hard” or “didn’t know there was a way to make xx exercise even worse.” LOL!!! I’ve also had one guy chat me up about the music while he was on the treadmill next to me, causing me to hit the emergency stop button (how annoying!) multiple times. Which then caused him to chat even more!
Usually I just people watch – it’s fun, hehehe! I had told my trainer I thought this one guy had the hots for the front desk girl and I was waiting to see how it played out. Turns out, they were married, so she thought it was hilarious that I thought he was constantly hitting on her! 😉
Oooh I love making up backstories for strangers! I have totally invented romances between people that may or may not have even known each other…
I have definitely had some of these. There is a guy that consistently tells me he wishes he could sweat like me. Then there was another time when a guy hit on my while I was on the leg press (and I’m not going to lie, I enjoyed the attention for a second or two) but once I started piling on the weight and he said “Careful honey, don’t want you to hurt yourself.” Whatever dude, you’re just jealous.
My all time favorite was when a guy came up to me and said I looked familiar and asked if we went to school together. So I asked what high school he went to. He told me and I said that I went to a different high school, but he probably went to high school with my husband. He said ok, and walked away. Seriously? Wouldn’t you ask who my husband was? Or say anything?
Oh my goodness!!! Those comments are off the hook. I’ve never had one of those crazy comments! I would have had a hard time not “accidentally” dropping the weight on a foot if some of those things. Oooops. 😉
I’m wondering what you were doing to be asked if you were looking for the Easter bunny ?
Too funny. Now I remember why I work out at home alone 🙂 Although I wouldn’t mind having Gym Buddies like yours 🙂
Actually we were looking behind a pile of equipment for something we’d dropped. It did look pretty funny in retrospect.
“I know a fun way we can get our sweat on” followed by a wink is the worst (and only) dodgy comment I have had at the gym. It does seem to be a place where people forget decent courtesy, though!
Um EWWW.
I’ve got one comment, and actually from a friend I haven’t see in like a year, we met at the beginning of an aerobic class, and she says to me: “you’ve put on some weight, haven’t you”, and the truth is that I actually haven’t, I am even skinnier since she last saw me, but that comment ruined my entire week.
Ooh I’ve had some of those insults-disguised-as-compliments and they totally suck. Why do people feel the need to do that?
OMG Charlotte.
The ‘you sweat like a man’ I gets all the time.
And I totally pretend its a complement (manplement) now.
Oh I hate the “can I help you with the weights “comment. It makes me want to walk over to them when they are doing a lift incorrectly and say “Can I help you with your form?”
I love all the comments but my favorite is the “pee” comment. Amen sister!
I never understood how anyone could watch Hoarders. Then one night there wasnt anything on and I watched it. holy smokes. i sat through back to back episodes and have become addicted to that show. I hate that, but it does make me get rid of stuff!!! the other night i watched that follow up show and they had a piece on the ‘rat man’ which i had never seen. um omg om g omg omg omg. scared me to death!!!! i now know tho that my grammy on my daddys side was a hoarder. i remember the little bitty hallways i would have to scrunch through. but her kitchen never was bad and that was my favorite room in the house. (she was a great cook!)
as far as the gym thing goes i hate the gym because there are people other than me in there. i wear my ipod for a reason, please do not try and talk to me. thats my gripe. dont even say hi. and we’re good.
You have some very nervy men in Minnesota!!
The worst thing I hear is, “I bet you can eat anything you want and not gain weight!”
Oh I could see how that one would get really annoying! Especially where you work so hard.
LOL! I just remembered that once when I first started working with the speed bag an eighty-seven year old ex navy boxer said to me, “You punch like a girl!!”
I eventually got very good with the bag and whenever he would compliment me I replied I still punch like a girl, just a girl who can punch the speed bag!
I still punch like a girl. Like a 12-year-old girl…
OMG, this post was hilarious! Especially the pee comment!!! I don’t have any good comments to share but there are a couple funny people at my gym that have some really odd habits. My fave is the shirt-biter. He grabs the neckline of his shirt with his teeth and sucks on it when he’s not actively lifting weights or running on the treadmill. I’m not sure if he’s trying to reclaim some of his lost sweat or if he’s nervous and needs a security blanket, but watching him walking around the gym chewing on his t-shirt is pretty funny! Then there’s the guy who gets on a treadmill, cranks up the incline to about 15 and the speed to about 10 mph and then runs while hanging onto the front bar of the machine for dear life. Seriously, he’s almost horizontal and is always in imminent danger of flying off the back!!! Somehow he manages to hang on for 30 minutes though and I’m always glad when he’s around because I’ll stay a little longer at the gym just to see if he makes it through his workout alive 🙂
Thanks for your awesome posts Charlotte, I seriously look forward to reading your blog every morning with my coffee!! You rock!!!
Thank you for almost making me pee MYself. Reclaiming some of his lost sweat? I can visualize everything in your response and that’s got me giggling like an idiot. My son is looking at me like I’m about to birth an alien from my skull. Zeus has nothing on me. lol
And this image is pee inducing as well! We’re like one big incontinent giggling sisterhood…
Okay I have this weird phobia of chewing on fabric (yeah I don’t know where it came from either) but all day I’ve been thinking about your comment and randomly shuddering. GAH. And thank you for the compliment – it means so much to me that you start your day with me:)
Okay, I think *I* just peed my pants.
OK, on the part about looking you over, I really try not to. Honest. But it’s not always that easy.
At my gym we do some group classes. In these classes some of the women wear rather revealing low-cut tops. I try not to look, but as a man, my eyes are subject to a certain amount of glandular gravitation that simply pulls them in that direction. Even worse, when it comes time for three-point rows, we use a large box or truck tire to support our free hands while rowing a kettlebell with the other. We’re all facing each other. Bent over. You get the picture.
I’m keeping my head down so as not to stare. But now the instructor comes by and says, “keep your head up! Eyes forward!” I look up and it’s like I’m sitting in the front row at a freaking Russ Meyer film.
I’m sorry. I don’t mean to stare. Really.
ROFL!
Hey, I’ve never faulted any one (male or female for looking a time or two) – it can’t be helped. It’s the continuous full body up-and-down that freaks me out. Also, I always do a bend over cleavage check before I leave the house just so I don’t put anyone else in your situation.
That said, your story about your boot camp totally had me cracking up!
Great post. But that picture is freaking me out!!! WHAT is going on?? Is the dog praying to that buff angel??
Hahah – I hadn’t even noticed the dog. I think he might be getting ready to sic!
I was addicted to the first season of Hoarders. I think as a cautionary tale, because my dad was a borderline hoarder and I could see myself going in that direction if I don’t keep a tight rein on it.
Gym comments. There’s this one creeper at my gym who always asks me if I’m sure I don’t want to swap whatever dumbbells I’m using for the 100lb’ers. Look, pal, it wasn’t funny the first time you made the “joke”, it didn’t get any funnier the next six times, and it especially isn’t funny when you’re mocking my puny 25lb dumbbells when I actually have them over my head. How do you not know not to talk to someone in the middle of their lift? Grr.
Oh, and yes, that swole angel is very, very disturbing. Eek!
I think next time you should smile and say, “you first.” 😉
There’s a lot I love about this post- though I’ve rarely experienced most of them. My pet peeve is touchy male instructors. This one guy also likes to squat right behind you, and I mean, right behind you, in unison, during a “sculpt class.” It does encourage me to tuck my butt in, in case I inadvertently brush him while squatting, at least. But mostly, I think men at my gyms are a bit scared of being disrespectful, so outside of covert ogling, they are great.
What really cracked me up is the “French Sparkle Vanilla Soothing Camel Essence” because I’m betting camel essence rubbed onto the pits would attract a whole different genre of comments. Maybe inadvertent, but made me LOL.
Okay that instructor sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen. Who does that?? And the “camel essence” – hahahah I didn’t even think of it that way!
“French Sparkle Vanilla Soothing Camel Essence.” I may just walk around repeating this to myself all day! Sure, people will wonder who the crazy chick is who’s talking to herself and laughing, but that’s OK! It will make me happy.
I do not watch “Hoarders.” It makes me sad and anxious.
I don’t get many comments anymore (too old, too haggard-looking), but when I was in my early 20’s and belonged to gym in New York, fuhgeddaboudit! I had to go mid-morning, when I knew more seniors would there and fewer of the before/after work crowd. ‘Cause if I went before 9 AM or after 5 PM it was a total meat market!
Oh, and everything about that picture is disturbing, but especially the Angel Mullet.
Man. I was creeped out and hadn’t even noticed the mullet. He hee- the mullet makes it worse!
There are so many disturbing things about that picture it’s hard to narrow it down to just one! Although the mullet is high up on the list. As is the bicep vascularity.
These are hilarious.
I know for me my peeve is when someone claims the only set of 8Lb weights in the gym and then doesn’t use them until the end of their workouts but won’t let me “work in a set” on them if I want…silly. I don’t care if someone uses weights I am using as long as I can use them too. Silly…It can be frustrating when there’s a lot of people in the gym and I’m honestly dreading the start of the semester here with a whole batch of new people coming in and interrupting my “thing” in the morning, but as long as the creepy football team keeps not ogling me when I use the Smith’s machine and other heavy weights while they have team workout I’ll be happy.
Yeah, we call that “tourist season” at our gym and it drives us nuts too. We’re polite, of course, because everyone is new once. But still. As for the football team, you just reminded me how glad I am that I no longer have to use the campus gym!
You know what I hate even more. People who hoard the only six, seven and eight kilo ones. What am I supposed to work with? I can’t heft the nines up at all and if I wanted to use the fives I would have stayed home. Use just one set at a time. Then they don’t put them back so I can’t find them. Dang dumbel hoarders.
Haha that picture is horrifying. I would rather have Alan Rickman with his Armani suit and wings bursting into flames at the bottom of my bed.
As would I.
What an odd picture of a guardian angel. Than again though I collect angels and will be getting an angel tattoo most of the one’s I’ve seen online make the angels look like whores. really? not in my bible. but whatever.
I never got comments at the gym. The only thing that always happened was getting called to the daycare because my youngest timed her morning constitution for whenever we went. I got called twice before I even made it out of a locker room once. :/
And Hoarders? Yeah ew. We have watched it a few times. Then as I was flipping through the channels one day I noticed one of the guys on the show looking familiar. Yup I used to work with him. His wife was the main person but they were both having mental issues. All kinds of issues going on there unfortunately. It truly is a horrible disease.
Oh I’m not opposed to beefcake angels – it’s just the odd juxtaposition of an 80’s figure competitor sitting with a small sleeping child. And a very large sword.
A lot of older folks go to my gym. I can’t stand people who pedal just enough to keep the TV going on the bike. I mean it’s OBVIOUS they could do more. I can just see them at home going “gee, I’m spending 30 minutes a day on cardio, why aren’t I seeing any results?”. Because you’re sitting on your hiney, pedalling 2 mph on the bike. 😛
Yes, I know I’m judge-y mc judgerpants but argh! When I’m sweat deep out of the saddle on a bike sprint I just want to see some effort around me!!!! Hehehe…
Well, I am usually the one warning others that I plan to smell HORRIBLE (I like to use the phrase “ass-like”) and sweat “Fergie-Style” times infinity by the time I’m done in the gym. (or at home which is where I’m stuck working out with LIMITED to no equipment) I also like to inform them that I have bigger proverbial balls then most men have real ones, so they may just want to keep their mouths shut.
While in the gym, I try to avoid eye contact as well as the grunting required free weight section unless it’s completely dead when I walk in. I’m not a people person, so this usually works. If not, I like to use the “I didn’t hear sound come from that hole in your face just now, but if you try to repeat whatever you wanted to say and it’s not a compliment or asking where the bathroom is, I will kill you and use your body to clean up your own blood” look to avoid any possible perception of my wanting to carry on a conversation while attempting to simply simultaneously breathe, stink, not pee myself, murder my muscular function and turn my legs into wet spaghetti prior to returning to my car to have a psychological break down and ask why I torture myself so.
And by the way, 5 KIDS???? ARE YOU NUTS? I can barely avoid felony charges with just 2 and a husband. lol
hahaha I loved reading this! I’m pretty sure I’m the girl that has her headphones on and a “if you talk to me while i’m bench pressing i’ll kick you in the groin” look on her face, so I don’t really get all that many comments 🙂 butttt, I do HATE the guys that just stand around and flex all day in the mirror all the while staring down each and every girl that walks by….just plain creepy.
Oh, and in my ranting and raving I forgot to mention that yes, I watch Hoarders when it’s on and I’m flipping through channels in search of another re-run of either Criminal Minds (with Gideon, Rossi does NOT impress me) or Supernatural (cause those Winchester boys define the term “Lickable”).
I am a psychology major, so I do enjoy watching the interaction of the psychologist and client as well as the family dynamic. I also watch the beginning, not for the story, but because when I look around my house, I feel like my putting something off for a day or 2 really isn’t so bad compared to a compulsion to keep literally everything I’ve ever touched. It also motivates me to get rid of the crap that’s just sitting here collecting dust or that’s been in my way serving ABSOLUTELY no purpose for x amount of days/weeks/months/years.
hahaha! i just used to get hit on a lot at the gym. those stationary bike guys are the worst. gross.
ROFL–so true on #4; there is actually a trainer at the gym where I teach that apparently has no depth perception, so whenever we are talking, I keep inching away from her, because she gets so close.
#6 is totally unbelievable–they must think that you are hot to offer you with weights… AT THE GYM!
and must you kill my already aching abs with #7 and 10;)))?
Luckily I haven’t had any remarks [maybe I am just not hot enough ;)]…
Oh. My. Goodness. That picture is just BEYOND insane. The mullet? The folded up sleeves? (what, no tank tops available in the Guardian Angel shop?) The huge necklace? Eyeballs freezing over. Unable to read blog post…AAAAAAAHHH!!!
The angel is missing his pinkie on the hand that is holding(cupping?) the sword. I see a (weird looking) thumb, index, middle, and ring finger, but no pinkie. Also, what is the black thing coming through the window?
Worst comment for me:
“You’re getting really good at those. I saw you working out last time you were here”, while I was working on the assisted pull-up machine, at my 2nd visit to the gym (once at 6 pm, once at 11 am). It bothered me less that he was present for both gym trips than his need to tell me he watched me closely enough to comment on my progress.
Bad me, I was looking at the biceps in that pic! 😉
I am so glad I work out when not very many people are around. I am sure that the answers some guys would get from me would knock them on their arse! 😉
Love it! My two favorite comments I have received at the gym: (while running on the treadmill) “Gee, you’re pretty fast. I usually challenge all the runners in the gym to a race, but I afraid you’d actually beat me.” (I work out at 4:30 a.m. and have NEVER seen this guy run on the treadmill!!!) And the other great comment was from the gal who works behind the front desk “Your butt and hips look smaller. And I would know, I look at butts on the treadmill and elliptical all day.” (the front desk is right behind the cardio area.) Um…. thanks????
Honestly, I just hate it when I go to the gym and see familiar faces and they all say, “haven’t seen you around here in awhile.” “Been lifting weights on the couch, eh?” Its so inquisitive, like the worst stereotype in the world is to have a gym membership but never go to the gym. I’m a graduate student, we have insane weeks and then boring weeks. Guess which weeks I’ll be there. Stop asking and just be happy you’re not the only person struggling with motivation around here.
These comments (and post!) have just brightened my day! I’m not sure I can remember anything said to me… But I WILL advise resident beefcakes that leaning over and cranking a girl’s incline RIGHT UP when she’s running on a treadmill is NOT the way to get a date…..
Px
“You run marathons? Really?!!? Cuz you don’t LOOK like a runner!”
Since I work at a gym we see it all and hear it all. As a staff we like making up stories about people too and trying to figure them out. There was this one guy who came in with different girls all the time to work out with him. The best was when his WIFE came in and caught him working out with one of his girlfriends!! I guess he had been cheating on her for a long time, and we just thought he got around a lot…well he did and then some. But it was interesting to see the confrontation play out. Fun place to work!
My potential replies, if I was feeling sassy.
1. “Oh, sorry, I did not see it. I will be done in a moment. I only do sets of 6-8.”
2. “No, why would I?” blank confused stare.
3. “No, you are not right.” said with no expression, turn around slowly and walk away.
4. “Thanks, too bad I can’t say the same for you. Can you move a little further away.”
5. “Actually I think my husband maybe intimidated by my raidiating awesomenes. Right Thunder and Lightning?” I say flexing my bicepts in turn when I say Thunder and Lightning looking at them as if it is them I am speaking to.
6. “No, can I help you with anything?” and “Yes, If I can’t I will put it down. You can stay and find out.”
7. “Well, you must not be trying hard enough.” “Maybe I did, maybe I did not. I am not answering that to gratify your fetish.”
8. “I don’t work here. How much will you pay me if I do?” That one is assuming if I actually knew how to do it.
9. “Yeah, unlike yours. Do more bench presses, Concavo.”
10. “No did you?”
I have honestly never gotten any weird comments like that in the gym. There was a drunk guy yesturday who heard my son and I speaking in English on the bus (I live in Finland) and said his English was so bad he was wondering for a while what crap he was speaking but it was not his fault but his mother’s because my was so crappy too. WTF?
Okay this made my whole day! You crack me up and I am going to spend the rest of the weekend memorizing these (esp. #8 & #5) and practicing them in the mirror. I WILL use at least one of these! Thanks for the giggle! (And yeah what is up with the drunk guy on the bus – rude, much?)
Thanks, Charlotte. I was worried that they were not funny enough but you have freed me from that nagging worry.
As for drunk guys, in Finland we have a lot of them. We may not have a lot of crime in general but what we do have is caused by alcohol. Finns drink huge quantities of alcohol.
So freaking great. I haven’t worked out in a gym in years and when I did was lucky enough to avoid the comments (or maybe that was because I’m not that hot lol). I do know my hubby is very uncomfortable about working out in gyms because of his weight. Yes he is over weight but feels very stared at by fit people in gyms.