Rule #1: Never take candy from strangers! We drill this, along with it’s corollary “Never get into an unmarked van”, into our kids from pregnancy on (what? I watched a lot of Law & Order: SVU when I was gestating.) and yet I find strangers offering my kids candy at every turn. And they take it! While I stand there and watch! I blame the bank.
Every time I roll up to the drive-thru window in my sweet minivan, the teller chirps, “And how many helpers do we have today?” while brandishing a bucket of suckers. It used to be that I’d only let them have the treat if they were actually being helpers and not terrorists per their usual but then my eldest figured out he could write a sign that says, “4 sukrs plees!” and hold it up to the window. The tellers are so charmed they practically pelt us with dum-dums.
It wouldn’t be so bad if it were just the bank but it seems like treat-proffering people are everywhere. My local grocery store gives away free “kid’s cookies” at the bakery. My pediatrician hands out ice pops after immunizations. Their Sunday school teacher brings bags of mini Snickers. The hair-cutting salon lets them watch a movie and gives them a Blow Pop. (Haircuts + Blow Pops = Hair Pops. Ew.) Even the school nurse, the same one who has to teach the nutrition lectures, has a bowl of candy on her desk. No wonder my son comes up with a “tummy ache” every day around 2 p.m. At least my dentist sticks to small toys.
I get it: sugar makes little kids happy and therefore easier to deal with. But it’s a short-term solution to a problem that goes far beyond stranger danger. For one thing, too much sugar turns my kids into little monsters. Second, they now expect treats just for showing up everywhere we go. And third, there’s that whole health thing. I try not to be crazy about it but when I have to run 3 errands in a row, all that junk accumulates. Besides, what kind of mixed messages am I sending? My children are either going to grow up to have weird guilt issues every time they take an after-dinner mint or they’re going to ask the kidnapper in the van if he can cash a post-dated check.
All this makes me act in a haphazard way. Sometimes I let them have it. Sometimes I play the “I’m the mom and I say no!” card and refuse it. And then sometimes I put it in my purse to use to bribe them with later. (Or eat myself. Whatever.)
Anyone else notice this phenomon? I swear it wasn’t like this when I was a kid. Help me out – how do you deal with the abundance of free treats everywhere, both for yourself and if you have kids?
Excerpted from my post for Redbook – click through to take their poll
Also from me this week:
10 Things You Can’t Wear After You Have Children. It was meant to be funny and tongue-in-cheek. It seems most of the commenters missed the humor. Ah well.
Has the TSA Met Its Match in My Children? Three light sabers say yes.
I’m the daughter of a man who wouldn’t allow her to have food that had what he deemed an excessive amount of processed or refined sugar. I wasn’t even allowed to have bubblicious bubble gum (it was sugar-free gum anytime he was around).
This resulted in my sister developing a penchant for sweets she still hasn’t shook…. and I think also contributed to my fear of processed foods and my inability to handle copious amounts of sugar without (involuntarily) throwing up.
Is this to say that if I decided to procreate candy would be a free for all in my house? No… enter the story of my mother who as a child ate an entire can of chocolate frosting at my great aunt’s house.
I imagine I would handle candy in a similar manner as you. I wouldn’t label it as “bad” – however I wouldn’t make it readily accessible as well. Everything in moderation. You’re not never going to have it again, but you won’t have it everyday either.
I realized that while I answered your question in my head – I never got to that point explicitly in my response (what can I say I was up at 6am this morning walking my dog and it’s now 10:40pm..). I think you deal with the excess of treats everywhere exactly as you are currently. Candy is not something to be eaten just because it’s available. Judgment comes into play. Then again, I don’t have kids so that’s easier said than done 😉
Yeah it’s that whole “balance” thing I have a hard time with. For so long food was “good” or “bad” to me that I’m really worried about inadvertantly giving those messages to my kids and I really don’t want to do that.
For whatever reason, I haven’t experienced this! Maybe it’s because we live near San Francisco, land of sugar-free, gluten-free, dairy-free, organic, locally-grown, harvested-under-a-full-moon-on-a-communal-farm-in-Berkeley-at midnight treats. My kids get offered things like stickers and balloons, for which I am eternally grateful.
(I must say, however, that when we had our Alaskan Malamute, he got offered treats EVERYWHERE we went! Probably because he fluffed out his fur and gave his “Aren’t I the sweetest dog and oh by the way I’m SO hungry” eyes at everyone.
Shameless!)
Awww, sweet puppy! And yeah, maybe it’s a cultural thing! I hadn’t thought that it was regional…
Oh my GOD! Can I please virtual slap the idiot commenters on your “10 things you can’t wear after having children”. Holy, have these people been in a cave their whole lives and denied laughter? Oh, and by the way, I thought you were gonna say we couldn’t wear belts because of the time impediment on the way to the toilet. Mommy bladder you know! That’s why I don’t wear them! Loved the article!
Hahaha – oh I wish I’d thought of that one! Because it is SO true. Can’t have any time-consuming clothing between me and the toilet. And yeah, some people just have no sense of humor.
Wow, people did not get the humor in your article. I thought it was cute!!
And yes, I hate it when my son gets candy just for showing up at a place!!! It’s so bad that he now asks for it and then pouts if I tell him he doesn’t get it because HE asked (I feel he should wait to be offered!). It’s created a bit of a monster who thinks he needs to be bribed to be good. Um, no, you be good because that’s the thing to do!! UGGGH.
I know, people totally missed the point. Ah well. And yes, isn’t it so irritating when the first thing kids say in a new place is “Where are the treats?”
This happens to us too. We practice “Sugar Saturday” and have for a for years. Most of the time, I tell them to save it until Sugar Saturday. Sometimes, I’ll say go ahead with the treat though. Mostly, depends on our circumstances and how much candy has been pushed at us already that week.
That’s an interesting strategy – I hadn’t thought of assigning a treat day for the kids before!
I HATE THIS!!
and had a little showndown with the childs piano teacher over this too which is a post languishing in drafts as I THINK she doesnt know I blog—but I worry 🙂
I just say no.
and my poor child sighs and said I KNOW…
Good for you! Maybe I just need to have more of a spine…
Found the same thing early in motherhood. So I never taught my children to “not take candy from strangers.” Too confusing of a message. I taught them to come and ask me first. Same with petting dogs at the park.
When it comes to young children, it doesn’t matter what you tell them, they have to be watched. I saw a show that tested this. Took a group of 5-6 year olds to the park who had always been taught about “stranger danger” and knew all the right answers when you asked. Then a guy from the show they had never seen pulled up in a car and asked some of the kids to get in to see his puppies in the backseat. No puppies, but those kids hopped right in!
Same show did an experiment on gun safety. Left a fake but realistic gun on the counter, told the kids not to touch it (and their parents all swore they knew better and never would.) Kids gave all the right answers, but as soon as the adult was out of the room, the boys were all over that gun.
As for the bank, Wells Fargo also offers stickers, so we take that option. I let my kids get a sample cookie from the store for being really well behaved through shopping and Costco is like “free lunch”, but a lot of times when it’s candy, I just say “No thanks.”
Yes, we call Costco “walking lunch” and I’ll admit to sometimes going there at lunch time for that express purpose;) I saw a Dr. Phil show where they did that gun experiment and I am 100% sure that my boys would be the ones pouncing on the gun the second the adult was out of the room no matter what they’d been told.
Though I don’t have kids myself, I do notice- and it’s not just with kids! I hate that people always want to give my dog treats at the pet store. (I’m kinda a controlling pup owner and I don’t want tummy problems..) But those free samples are everywhere and I see people going to the store just to graze!
When I was a little kid, my mom never let us have the treats from places and I’m very glad now. She kept raisins in her purse and we got those instead. It was embarrassing sometimes but I appreciate now what she did because I believe I’m healthier because of it… 🙂
Good idea to keep a healthier “treat” in my purse! (Of course I’d have to get a bigger purse then – I love itty bitty bags) It’s good to hear the perspective of a child who was raised that way and turned out happy and healthy.
The banks did that around here when we were growing up (not sure about the grocery store), we just didn’t usually get the lollipops. My mom kept a basket on top of the fridge and all candy went in that, and we were allowed treats from it every so often. If we got lollipops at the bank, they went in the basket, and we’d get to eat them eventually (maybe – since the bank we went to had cheap lollipops printed with their logo that weren’t actually very good, so by the time it sat in the basket for a bit, and then we got to pick one thing from the basket, we didn’t really want the bank lollipop.)
We have a candy bowl on top of our fridge that started out as the “potty treats” bowl but has morphed into something similar to what you described. I find that it’s bad for *me* to have it around like that though so I ended up moving it out to the garage.
It’s EVERYWHERE….YES!!
Bank, salons, groc store, anywhere…another thing I hate is stickers. That sounds awful but they end up on the shirts, stuck to my windows, car seats, and eveywhere you just don’t want them. Some people say oh that’s better than candy. Well maybe it is…but…
But what happened to just being ‘good’ or just running errands w/ mom b/c that’s what kids do and they are expected to be good just because. Because that’s what the expectations are. WITHOUT promise of balloons, stickers, candy, etc…
And yes, the candy pushers, just a firm no thank you over and over and over…it’s all you can really do…
Good point about the stickers. I currently have a huge Green Bay Packers sticker stuck to the inside window of my minivan that I canNOT get off for anything. argh.
I don’t have kids and at first I was reading and thinking what’s the big deal about a piece of candy every now and then…But yeah, if it’s happening 3 times a day (or whatever) that’s too much. I think I would try to put a limit on it somehow as well.
One thing that has been tough since we’ve changed our families eating habits is telling my kids that they can’t have the free cookie at the grocery store.
My kids acted like it was an act of child abuse the first few times I told them that they couldn’t eat the free cookie.
“My kids acted like it was an act of child abuse the first few times I told them that they couldn’t eat the free cookie.” Hahaha – that would be my kids too! Glad to know it’s gotten better.
Like Alyssa, I live sort-of in the San Francisco area (Santa Rosa) and people seem more conscious about junk food. Costco will not give samples to kids without the parents’ permission, and they also have hours when no samples are given. As for the free cookies at the store: Stay away from the cookie/cake section and that won’t be an issue!
Our cookie counter is the same as the meat counter…. And now that I’ve typed that it sounds kind of gross, lol.
I work in a doctor’s office, and the irony that we give out suckers is a frequent topic of meetings. We have tried getting rid of them and giving out stickers, instead, but the complaints came flying in–from parents. I hate the suckers!
I actually stopped shopping at a local grocery store because they rearranged their aisles so that the CEREAL shares an aisle with the CANDY. Maybe it’s stupid,but it’s hard enough to get the kids to look past all the chocolate and marshmallows in cereal when I try to get them to pick something healthy…I definitely don’t need them tempted and whining for the candy on the opposite side.
Wow – what store was that??
I allow Sam one sweet a day and I think I’m going to keep that rule. I don’t give her juice, fruit snack or any other snackish sugary food.
No ! Hardly anywhere gives out sweeties here(UK) to kids. certainly not the take away shops.
Weirdly when I was a child,our dentist used to give lollies( suckers).
Wow…I remember when I was little if we behaved on our entire trip into the city for the day Mum would let us have one treat – usually a corndog or small malt from the deli in Wolco.
The fact that Wolco (and malts aren’t around anymore suddenly makes me feel old…where was I ? Oh right treats…I dont remember them being that common and I dont have kids so I can’t comment on that now… I recall we could always pick one treat…if we took the random gift treat we had to give up the treat at the end…occasionally we used it as permission to be awful, since we didn’t “have” to be good anymore…but usually we waitied for the good treat at the end.
Altho now having food issues and being fat as a kid I wonder if the whole food as a reward things was a part of the food issues I still ahve today.
This: “occasionally we used it as permission to be awful, since we didn’t “have” to be good anymore” made me laugh so hard. My kids totally do this!!!
I remember when I was younger that the bank tellers would send a sucker through the little tube thing at the drive-through bank, but most of the time my mom would drop them into the cup-holder and they would never get eaten by anyone. Then again, they were usually those ones with the looped handle that tasted like cough-syrup and therefore didn’t pose much of a temptation. But they really should allow you to say “no” and not hand them to you (or straight to the children. I thought they weren’t allowed to hand them directly to the kids anymore) if you don’t want your children to have them. It’s your children, and your patience when they go crazy from the sugar, so it should be your decision whether they get the candy.
Err I guess when little man gets here he isn’t getting candy. My husband is a clean eater…and I’m a little worse. I’m not sure at this point how to refuse candy but I’m sure it’s going to leave the people wondering why I won’t let my son eat candy. My only weakness is gum. I can’t refuse it regardless of it’s sugar free or not. I will refuse candy from anyone, there is a local steakhouse that they always give me a lollipop and say it’s for the baby in my tummy but I take it and then throw it away as soon as I get to the car. I just don’t think he needs all that crap and neither do I. And how am I suppose to get back into shape after he gets here? I’ve got only 4 months to get ready for a fitness test so I better not be consuming all those sweet when I’m 7 month pregnant…
thanks for post .great work .
I was JUST thinking this same delema over in in my head. I have two young kids and yes I run into this all the time. I’m not as worried about my son because he eats a very balanced diet, but my daughter has a serious penchant for sweets and a will of steel. At this point she is living off of applesauce and PB&J. I am handling the constant barrage of sweets the same way you are pretty much. I absolutely fear that if I make too big of a deal and refuse sweets to my daughter that it will spark off some sort of complex later in life for her so I just keep trying to get her to eat a balanced diet and teach her moderation.
This happened to me today while I was out with my little sister (I am 34, she is 8) Anyway, we were waiting for a bus and this old woman says “do you want a chip?”. My sister looked at me to see if it was ok and I shook my head. I wanted to be polite so I said “sorry, no. she has not had lunch yet” Then the woman kept insisting, even trying to put it in her mouth. I told my sister to take the chip just to shut the woman up, then we walked away and I told her to toss it. This makes me angry because parents always teach their children not to accept stuff from strangers, yet these strangers offer to other kids.
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