Betrayed by My Body: The overly dramatic saga continues! First I sneeze upside down and blow chunks (thank you to all of you who suggested using my neti pot to help get the stomach bile out of my sinuses – it is a fab idea and I’ll save it for next time although I sincerely hope there will be no next time), then I get another corneal abrasion from wearing my contacts too much forcing me to wear my nerd glasses and now I get attacked by own stiletto! (You should have seen Jelly Bean’s face) I mentioned before in my State of the Eating Disorder Address that while I’m doing really pretty awesome that I still struggle with some of the disordered thoughts.
Recently a blog friend e-mailed me about how to start her own journey with Intuitive Eating and as I was writing my response, I found myself repeatedly getting stuck on one thought: I am not happy with my happy weight. Before anyone worries that I’m falling off the IE wagon, this is just a recurring (and depressing) thought that I have. I’m not dieting nor doing anything else to try and lose weight. I know the problem is in my head, not my body. What I’m looking for is help accepting the shape and weight that my body has decided it likes best.
One of the very first things Geneen Roth tells you about Intuitive Eating is that your body is going to pick the weight that it feels healthiest and happiest at, not your mind. She warns from the beginning that part of IE is learning to accept that and that continually striving to be unnaturally thin (for you) will not only be an exercise in frustration but impossible with IE. As I’ve gone through this process I’ve kind of tried not to think about this part – hoping, I guess, that either my body would suddenly decide to do what I want it to or else that my mind would come around and agree with my body. So far neither has happened.
On one hand, when I reported that after 1 year of eating intuitively my weight was within 1 pound of what it was when I started, I felt like that was a coup. No measuring, tracking or being overly anal about what I ate (wow that’s an unpleasant image) and I maintained my weight! On the other hand, one year later I was still at the same weight. I wasn’t surprised as my clothes all fit the same and yet there was a twinge of disappointment. I exercise! I eat healthy! Shouldn’t that give me carte blanche to make my body into any shape I want it? No? That’s not how it works??
Of course that’s not how it works. So here’s where I need help. I’m about ten pounds over my “ideal” weight and I’m not going to try and change that. My body is healthy, I’m happy and relatively sane and I get to eat salted caramel pretzel ice cream which is the best ice cream ever. Let me be clear: I see this as a great success and I have no intention of ruining it. And yet I still can’t seem to let this one thought go. Every time I see a girl I wish I looked like, every time I overeat (it happens), every time I try on yoga pants that aren’t black and realize again how unflattering yoga pants are to my thighs, it’s there in the back of my head: this idea that everything would be better if I were just 10 pounds thinner.
Sure sitting down every time I eat is hard (and I’ll be honest, I break that rule a lot) and that whole stopping eating when I’m full business can be really tricky (I don’t care if I’m full, I want jelly beans!!) but by far the hardest rule of IE for me is learning to be happy with my happy weight.
Is this one of those things that just takes time? Does it get easier with age? Do motivational sayings help you? Does talking about it help or make it worse? I realize that by posting this I run the risk of giving some of you similar thoughts. I sincerely hope that my asking for help doesn’t cause you to have more problems. I am in no way advocating disordered thinking but figuring this out is really important to me and this is why:
She copies everything I do. And I pray she won’t learn this from me.
Any of you struggle with accepting your natural weight and shape too? How do you deal with this? What’s your fave ice cream flavor?
(Sorry, I had to re-read the bit after “salted caramel pretzel ice cream” a few times before it sank in.)
In all seriousness, please remember that is has only been a year. You have made AMAZING progress is a short amount of time, and you are re-wiring nearly 30 years of programming. It’s going to take time to find the peace you’re looking for, and you may still have those thoughts from time to time. And that’s OK: Jelly Bean isn’t psychic, and she’ll model what you do more than what you say or what you think. Be kind to yourself.
I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that said “Don’t believe everything you think.”
Amen.
I need that bumper sticker:) And good point about Jelly Bean not being psychic, lol!
Ask yourself what do you REALLY think will happen at a lower weight.
Will you be a better writer?
Will you be a better mother?
Will you be a better person?
I know how you will answer the above questions, but thinking about them might help it get back to perspective for you.
I’m also interested WHY you are looking at this particular number. What determines your “ideal” weight? Have you looked at some BMI chart? (You know BMI is a load of crap, right?) Have you looked at some other “healthy weight” chart that doesn’t take into account body type, body composition, and other individual characteristics that make depending on such charts utterly useless? Or have you picked up this “ideal” weight from the media?
Also, you’ve written about how horrible you felt physically when you weighed less. Remember that, and also remind yourself of all the good stuff…how good you feel now, how free from the worst of the diet thoughts, how cute Jelly Bean’s chubby little cheeks are…
And yes, agreed, it’s only been a year, you’ve done AMAZING, but you can’t expect to conquer everything at once…
To answer your q’s: No, no, and no:) Thank you for the perspective, you are right on every single count!
You’re beautiful. That’s all. Have a wonderful week 🙂
I have such mischievous body dysmorphia disorder that I’ve given so much power to over the years. What works best for me is to just keep telling myself that I really don’t know what I look like, and that I have to use other markers for a functional life, like the other comments expressed. The BDD voice will always try to keep me from life, from the possibility of failing, from allowing myself to be out in the world as I am, if I listen to it.
May I suggest a book called “When things fall apart” from Chrodron? It really helped me to dive into the fear and find calm, even with the pesky “voices” trying to hold me back.
This: “The BDD voice will always try to keep me from life” is so true – I’d never thought of it that way! And thank you for the book rec – added it to my library queue!
“Any of you struggle with accepting your natural weight and shape too?” – Are you reading my mind?! Actually, I have no idea, what my ‘natural shape’ looks like. Intuitive Eating hasn’t worked for me so far, as my intuition just plain sucks, when it comes to food choices. It tells me to eat chocolate and cookies and cake all the time, that can’t be right.
Two months ago, I got married. Even though I didn’t do any kind of Bridal Bootcamp or crash diet, I was highly motivated to exercise regularly and eat mostly healthy. Since then, my motivation has completely disappeared, and I’ve gained almost five pounds!
“Everything would be better if I were just 10 pounds thinner.” – That’s a thought that I just can’t get rid of. If I were 10 pounds thinner, I’d get lots of compliments from friends, coworkers, strangers, it would be easier to find clothes that fit and look good (esp. jeans), my husband would love me more, I’d be a faster runner, etc. Some of these thoughts are BS, I know, but I just can’t stop them.
Sorry for ranting, but I’ve been really struggling with finding my ‘happy weight’ and accepting it. Looking forward to reading the comments, maybe they can help me a little.
Glad to know I’m not the only one who struggles – and the thought about being a faster runner has occurred to me too…
I love you so much, thank you for posting this. (BTW, I know I suck at commenting, but I still always read your blog :P) I’ll share more of my thoughts in my email back to you, but I don’t think necessarily think what say is crazy… or at least… uncommon. I *do* get the fluffy pangs but I find they’re directly related to how I feel about my eating.
When I feel as if I’ve lost control, my self image deteriorates with it. Every extra pound above what I *think* I ought to be becomes me holding onto unnecessary fat. When I regain control and feel confident in my decisions, I’m suddenly athletic and praising my good qualities in my mind.
I’m just glad I picked up on this pattern so I can work on dealing with it.
first I FREAKIN ADORE THAT PHOTO.
love love love.
and you know me. Im MizFit Wont Do Guest Post McGee because Im drowning in life and other work.
and reading this?
reread this?
makes me wanna offer to do a guest post and share my misfit mindful eating foodventures.
You are welcome to do a guest post here anytime – would love to hear your thoughts:)
I, too, love the pic with your daughter! But, please think of your boys, too. My son (only child) has definitely picked up my ‘I’m too fat!’ attitude and he’s a gorgeous, muscular, small-framed (‘skinny’ in the real world) 12 year old! Maybe thinking about all your kids would help? Not meaning to be preachy – just a note of caution that our boys are not immune either. LOVE YOU! Come to Virginia some time!
SO true! Thank you for the reminder – boys/men are definitely not immune from these pressures! I’d love to visit Virginia sometime:)
If you come to VA, you best visit me too! 😀
I LOVE YOUR DRESS. It is amazing. Is it one of your wonderful vintage finds or is it from a store where I can actually go buy the same one?
Now, the important things… I wrote on your state of the ED address a little while back something longer, about my own experience with recovery, but it still holds true here. Basically, the thoughts for me were the last to go, and it just took time. It was like I started changing my behavior directly ignoring the thoughts, and then VERY gradually the thoughts got better, after I’d learned to ignore them. It took time. The first step was sort of… ignoring them, almost neutral. I wasn’t happy or unhappy with my body weight and shape and size – I just realized at one point that I hadn’t thought about it in awhile, at all, in any capacity.
Even now, I do have days that I don’t like my body. But they’re MUCH MUCH fewer and farther between, and I often catch myself and realize it’s not my body I’m unhappy with, it’s a fight with a friend/something at work/etc that I’m taking out on my body.
I’m not sure what to tell you though about how to get there. It was VERY gradual for me, and snuck up on me. I’m still not sure exactly how I got there. I do know, though, that it started with just not focusing on what my body looked like as much – and being buy and happy with other areas, and with what my body could do. Spending less time in front of the mirror, and focusing on my hair or a specific task when I did. Getting clothes that fit the size I was at and liking to wear them. Being pleased that I could hold poses in yoga for longer. Looking at my absolutely beautiful friends, inside and out, and realizing how few of them were stick-thin, and how beautiful they still were, and how little it bothered them. I just got busy and I focused on other things.
And I mean I focused on other things. You’re very busy I know, but yet you still focus on these thoughts at some point in the day (even though you’re not ACTING on them, which is huge). What are you doing when you have these thoughts about wanting to be thinner and smaller? Is it when you’re working out, or cooking? What COULD you be thinking about instead – focusing on better form during weight lifts, or talking to your kids (or focusing on the recipe) while cooking?
I don’t know if that will help because I’m still not quite sure how I got to that point – it really did kind of sneak up on me. But I think a big part of it was trying to focus on and work on other areas of my life – until I didn’t have time to focus on what I looked like anymore. And then one day I sort of realized I hadn’t thought about my weight in awhile, but you know, I kind of liked my body. I do know it took me a VERY long time and was definitely the last thing to change, so don’t beat yourself up over this. For me, and lots of people with EDs, the black-and-white thinking is part and parcel of the whole deal, and learning to let that go in everything is part of recovery. You’re not fat or thin with no in between, you’re not good or bad with no middle ground – and it’s okay to make a mistake. It’s okay to not be perfect and it doesn’t mean you automatically are bad or messed up. It’s okay to not have this part of IE completely mastered yet – you’ve only been working on it a year, which in all honesty isn’t that long. One of the most important things your daughter can learn from you is to try and do her best but that no one is perfect and the ability to forgive yourself, let it go and move on without lingering on the “I should haves” or the “I wish I hads.” If you slip up and wish you were thinner or start critiquing your body, it doesn’t mean you’re a failure as a mom or that you’ve irreparably messed up your daughter. It just means you’re human – and one who’s trying very, very hard at that.
Thank you for this – it is a perfect reality check and gives me a lot of hope:) I love the part about how you look at all of your beautiful inside-and-out friends and realize that their beauty has nothing to do with their weight.
As for the dress, it’s not vintage and you can buy it! Here’s the link actually: http://www.maurices.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11697613
Charlotte, that dress looks a thousand percent better on you than on the website’s picture. You are gorgeous!
After the yoga-pants-body-bashing thoughts, why not look at yourself in this picture, where you clearly have a body to be proud of, and think some positive thoughts about yourself? We all are.
Just my two cents — I like to indulge in a little self-complimenting once in a while.
That photo totally cracked me up!
And I’m so glad that you’re not giving in to the “ten more pounds” thing–look at your picture! You are truly beautiful! But how can one not be influenced by everything around us to try to strive for some imagined but illusory perfection? (Unfortunate timing: I find myself suddenly overreacting to menopausal weight gain, and seem to be off on a quest to shed evil belly fat and be the weight I was at 21 again. Stupid! But no doubt temporary. I know common sense, inertia, and greediness will soon intervene and I’ll be back to my usual 10 lbs over as well).
So I’m obviously not a good one to give advice. But even if I weren’t in age-denying, superficial, numbskull mode myself right now, I don’t think I could think of anything better than your insight about your daughter. It’s clear you have your priorities in the right place!
I don’t have any advice, but just want to say thank you for your post. I continue to struggle with my weight, which has bounced back up (and down and up and down and back up) again over a few years after I managed to beat an eating/exercise disorder. I’m a long way from being happy with myself, but I have found a lot of mental soothing from looking at blogs like Curve Appeal, which celebrate curvy figures. I’m always going to be curvy. When I was at my thinnest, and in a massive psychological black hole as a result, I was still curvy. And I still hated my body. But blogs like that are helping me to reprogramme my brain to acknowlegde that curvy is OK. Curvy is beautiful. Curvy is normal. Therefore I am OK, I am beautiful, I am normal.
If I have any advice at all to give, it’s to ignore the continual battering form the media about what we “should” look like, and to seek out beautiful images of women that celebrate what we actually *are*. Other women have different figures – whether skinny, large, athletic, whatever. We need to learn to celebrate and respect that diversity, and where we fit in the spectrum of it.
Kx
Oooh thank you – I’ll check out Curve Appeal! And for not having any advice, I think yours was great:)
Hi
I am pretty sure I read you have a therapist so I am going to try not to step on any toes here. I will say that since you feel like IE is going well so far why not start working on body image stuff more. I know I am sure you have done that and I know it has probably been a strong focus but body image is a tricky thing and good body image comes and goes- i beleive with my whole heart that the idea that body image is improved or worsened by weight is one of ED”s biggest and best lies- it works so well because it makes intuitive sense but it is nevertheless a big lie. I know this because in my process with this I decided after gaining 50 lbs with my 2nd pregnancy and losing all of 5 after delivery and 3 months later being at the same place that I was going to embrace my current size and get out of maternity clothes and buy horrendously large sizes if need be but stuff that looked good on me and flattered my figure. I was not practicing IE at the time I was doing WW so I was trying to lose weight. But I thought why be miserable while I am working. I still look back on that time and even pictures of that time and think I looked beautiful and I have lost those 40 lbs. I even get annoyed when people sort of off handedly criticize that person. I also know all to well many people who are a good 10-20 lbs under their ideal weight and hate themselves with a passion that is scary. These are all just words but you really can practice different ways to love your body and find what works for you and be loving and considereate with yourself when body hating thoughts come up- you can challenege them, dismiss them or just replace them with the happier thoughts. The only true answer I have is that thinking body image will change in any direct and predictable manner along with your weight is one of the best lies that eating disorders ever came up and society loves to support that one. So I am sure many will argue with me and say that yes they did indeed feel better at a smaller weight. But irregardless I think it is possible to love our body at many different weights shapes and sizes regardless of how little society wants us to.
I think you are exactly right with this: The only true answer I have is that thinking body image will change in any direct and predictable manner along with your weight is one of the best lies that eating disorders ever came up and society loves to support that one.” And it’s been true for my life as well. At my very thinnest I was NOT happy. Thank you for the perspective!
I think you just summed up the thoughts of every single woman in the world in this post. AMEN. But unlike the women who are unhappy about it and doing harmful things to their body because of that (either an ED or overeating/not exercising/whathaveyou) you are still being healthy. That’s the key. That’s the difference. You are beautiful.
Also, please tell me where you got that dress and that it is still for sale somewhere. Or I may have to come visit and steal it from you.
Pleeeease come visit me! You can totally borrow it:) (But here’s the link to the dress in the meantime: http://www.maurices.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11697613) And thank you for the support:)
Who doesn’t want to be perfect (or at least what we deem to be perfect)? If anyone tells you they aren’t seeking perfection, then they are most likely lying to you and themselves.
I sort of feel that each of us wants something that we can’t attain. And while that desire can drag us down it can also be motivational if we don’t let it take over. We can use that desire to push us to always strive for our goals or we can become obsessed with that one desire, which will lead us to disordered thoughts and actions.
I think that your struggle is something we all can relate to. And while it sucks to have that desire stuck in your head, it can just motivate you to keep reaching toward your goal of acceptance and intuitive eating. I like to think of those thoughts as reminders of where we started and where we aren’t going back to!
Love this post!!
” I like to think of those thoughts as reminders of where we started and where we aren’t going back to!” So true:)
I am not an ardent supporter of IE, IF maybe 🙂
Perhaps if I think of you as the poster woman it would be easier, but I think of Oprah!
If someone is obese, they are not doing IE, just following a distorted learned behavior.
If you are in the nominal weight range that is fine. If you want to be thinner, eat a little less.
Hi Charlotte, I believe the key to Intuitive Eating is knowing what true hunger is. I was at my ideal weight when I started IE and I have maintained it (without the anxiety) effortlessly. Knowing what hunger is key, because if you eat for any other reason than hunger, your body will store the excess weight.
I was “lucky” to know what true hunger feels like – a byproduct of having done the Master Cleanse Diet (Lemonade only for 10 days) before starting IE. At age 26, I couldn’t say I’ve ever felt true hunger in my life – till Days 8,9 & 10 of the cleanse. The best word to describe hunger is that she is truly your friend. She tells you exactly what your body needs, her advice is extremely specific, extremely clear. After breaking the diet, I literally hungered for green veggies, then nuts, then eggs, in phases! It was amazing. I never doubted for a second that was I needed.
After starting IE, I hit a roadblock. I had certain cravings that were extremely strong but which I knew were bad choices nutritionally (think whipped cream, shortbread…). But because I was committed to listening to my body. I went ahead to have them. As I ate them, I felt immense pleasure. I knew something was wrong, however, as I didn’t believe my body would lead me to make these choices. But why was it then that both hunger & craving were such strong sensations? Why was it that they both resulted in such satisfaction?
I believe I partially found the answer in David Kessler’s, “The End of Overeating”. From his work, I learnt that eating certain foods did indeed trigger pleasure centers in the brain, particularly if these experiences are linked to positive emotions. I found that to be true in my case. A Mars bar was always specially comforting to me because I had been accustomed to rewarding myself with one after a humid, long, tiring day at school. It is the feeling of finally winding down on your chair, turning the air-con on, ripping the wrapper apart and “YUMMM”. In short, not only does the sweet, salty and fat taste chemically trigger the pleasure centers, the brain has also scrambled the positive emotions derived from the ‘reward’, creating a reinforcing loop.
Put in practice, I now discern hunger from cravings with a simple practice. When I’m considering eating something, I ask myself whether I’m thinking about its taste, or how it feels sitting in my body. If I think a lot about how something tastes, and especially when it causes me to light up just thinking about it (think reward), it’s probably a craving. If I think about how something feels in my body, particularly my stomach, it’s always hunger. This practice works really, really well for me. I find that if I consider how the “candidate food” sits with my body, the answer leads to a perfect match. When I’m starving, the match is almost always something meaty, heavy and fatty. When I’m not hungry, there’s just no feeling. It’s not like the body revolts against a cookie or chocolate – there’s just no feeling. When there’s no feeling, there’s no hunger. Then, eating is unnecessary. I believe once you’ve shaved away this unnecessary eating, you will reach your ideal weight effortlessly.
Although such eating is unnecessary to satisfy hunger, till now this eating does serve other purposes — purposes good for one’s overall well-being. I note your opening words “Betrayed by my Body” and I would love to offer an alternative perspective from “The Yoga of Eating” by Charles Eisenstein. I fail to summarize the wisdom in his words therefore I’m recommending the book.
In short, my final roadblock to IE was differentiating hunger from cravings. Eating to satisfy cravings did serve a purpose (it made me happy, it gave me something to look forward to, it comforted me) and now I acknowledge that. It is very, very possible to never have to deal with hunger in an ugly way and never feel dissatisfied after a meal. It’s like fighting the wrong battle all along: it’s not about fighting hunger, it’s about fighting what’s not hunger.
I believe you can do it, Charlotte. I hope to hear of your success.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience with me – I’m impressed with how well you know yourself and what you need & I hope to be able to say the same someday! And than kyou for this: “When I’m considering eating something, I ask myself whether I’m thinking about its taste, or how it feels sitting in my body.” I hadn’t thought of it that way before and I will definitely try it!
I have never dealt with an eating disorder, or really any body image issues, so I apologize if this comes off as insensitive. But can you look at your body from the perspective of what it does for you? It grew and birthed all those beautiful children, and you kick butt in the gym every day. I really admire that kind of strength. I started reading your blog because I was really interested in the workouts, and although I’m in pretty good shape, I couldn’t accomplish half the stuff you do in the gym. Anyway, I’m sure it’s not this easy, but love yourself 🙂
It doesn’t come off as insensitive at all! And you should totally come and do a workout with us! We do kick butt but we also have a lot of fun – and hey isn’t Minnesota on everyone’s road trip list?!
I am so glad you posted about this! Maybe I am in the minority, but I like hearing that you still struggle with these issues. It reminds me that there is no such thing as being “cured” of ED type thoughts and issues, instead it is an ongoing journey that has to be dealt with one step at a time.
I gain weight in my legs and continually struggle with not having stick thin little calves. Every time I see a woman with thin calves and legs wearing shorts or a skirt I feel those pains of “If I was just 10 pounds thinner.”
I hope I can get beyond these issues for my daughters sake as well!
Oh I feel you, girl! We’re def. not alone in this and I believe we can both overcome this too:) Love you!
As much as I usually love everything about myself, I can’t shake similar thoughts you have, so I don’t have any advice. I’ll be reading the comments right along with you for ideas and advice.
Since jumping fully into IE one month ago, my weight has plateaued and I am exactly the same weight as I started. Like you, part of me is happy because I’ve maintained, but part of me wishes I could drop more. I know from looking at the women on my mom’s side of the family that I’m probably close to the weight my body will naturally pick. My doctor says I could lose 10 more pounds for optimal health and of course my own version is 25 more pounds. Frustrating, but I’m really trying to tell myself that I’m okay where I am as long as I’m healthy and happy (I am!).
I’m guessing it just takes time to trust ourselves after years of negative body thoughts and countless diet/weight loss attempts. We’ll get there. I’m sure of that.
We will get there:) It’s the trusting that I think is truly the hardest part..
I try really hard to think about what my body DOES rather than what it looks like. I feel like this is something we are trying to teach our children, as well. It doesn’t matter what someone looks like. People are inherently valuable, and what really matters is how you treat people, what you devote your time to, whatever is important to your family. When I do start thinking about what I dislike about the way my body looks, I try to list things it can do. I gave birth to and nursed twins. I can still carry both of those children at the same time. I can lift heavy things. I can run up and down stairs. I can excite my husband. I can read. I can sew. I can excel at my job.
Realistically, the things that I CAN’T do because of my body size and shape are a pretty silly looking list compared to the one above. I can’t wear size 6 jeans. I can’t look like people in magazines when I wear a bathing suit. I can’t turn the head of every man I see when I wear a miniskirt (frankly, that sounds unpleasant). I know which list I choose.
This: “People are inherently valuable, and what really matters is how you treat people, what you devote your time to, whatever is important to your family.” is so so beautiful. I heart your whole comment. Thank you:)
Charlotte, I think you are doing amazingly well and sounding so healthy. I tihnk it is unlikely that you can rid yourself of a particular way of thinking about your body in just one year. I reckon time will do a lot for this if you just keep focussing on why you are going with IE and all the great things it does for you and the great model you are for jelly bean and the others.
I have never really behaved in a disordered way but I recogniset hat far too much of my mind is taken up of thinking about my body and other womens’ bodies from a negative appearance and size perspective. One line of thought that I have found recently very helpful is to imagine whether I will consider still being the size I am now, in 40 years a success or not. And given that my fear is of being as obese and unwell as my parents and theirs before them, my relatively few extra pounds but definite physical fitness and health are a definite success. Like others have said, I believe that if you keep focussing on the hunger cues and the emotions and remembering all the great things your body does for you, the happier body thoughts will eventually follow too.
I’m usually just a quiet follower, but I wanted to chime in on this one. I think it’s probably pretty normal to continue to struggle with weight. I’ve been doing IE for the past 4 years or so (I also struggled with an eating disorder previously too). And while I still think my ideal weight it 10 lbs lighter too, I am happy that I get to moderately indulge in all of life’s food pleasures and maintain a pretty constant weight. And just when I start to get down on myself for those extra pounds, I’ll receive an amazing compliment from a friend, coworker or stranger. A coworker recently commented on how flat my stomach is, and while I wanted to laugh in her face (if only she knew what it looked like under the clothes!), it was a great reminder that what I see is not what everyone else sees.
I know you see something different, but what I see is an absolutely stunning Charlotte. In fact, when I look at you, I see what I think I could look like if I lost those 10 darn pounds. I think we’ll always have those thoughts, but I find it helps to remember that I’m more beautiful and fit than I think I am… and you are too!
I’m now in a completely new body territory… I’m 8 weeks pregnant. So I’m going to need to be reminding myself this even more, especially through the first trimester bloat (because really, I can’t wait to have a big ol’ bump!).
Squeeeee!!! Congrats on the pregnancy! I’m so excited for you – babies are such miracles:) ANd yeah, I always hated just looking bloated and couldn’t wait to get a real baby bump. It’ll happen and in the meantime I hope you are feeling well – no morning sickness? And thanks for the perspective with IE – it always helps me to hear from people who are farther down this road than I am!
p.s. speaking of ice cream…. have you ever had Izzy’s Salted Caramel? One of the things I miss the most about the Twin Cities!
What? No!! Where is Izzy’s?!
Oh my stars! You must got to Izzy’s. Not sure how close you are to it, but it’s worth a trip. It’s not too far from my old neighborhood (tear) on Marshall Ave in St. Paul. They make the BEST ice cream with lots of amazing (and sometimes crazy) flavors. The best part is that you get an “izzy” scoop (a mini scoop) of another flavor of ice cream on top, so it’s a great way to try out the crazy flavors.
I’m nowhere near as adept at IE as you, but I’ve been dabbling in it. I guess my thought is, are you SURE it’s the weight that you’re still focused on? When I was still having frustrations, I realized I LIKED the way my body looked at its ‘happy weight,’ but i was struggling because my body was no longer ‘my project,’ and I had issues with no longer trying to ‘be better.’ It felt lazy to me to just be happy with how I was.
Ha – good point!! And there is def. an element of truth for me in it. I’ll think more on this one!
I struggle with that sometimes too…I feel as tho if I just lost that last 10 Lb I’d have that perfect butt I see in magazines…but I have to remember that I could not sustain that – for real. The struggle and mind games and extra exercise required to get there and maintain it would make me crazy about it…I’d obsess about it and I couldn’t just live my life and be normal with food anymore. I woul d be miserable and crash and binge and get a whole new disordered way of looking at food. And I wonlt ‘et myself go there. I’m healthy. That msut be enough…I’ve tried to comprimise with my brain – My body has settled into it’s happy place and I’ve asked my husband to tell me if he thinks I’m gaining weight or if I’m being to wierd abotu food or exercise. He knows me best…
True – maybe I should listen to my husband more…
I feel the same way. I haven’t been doing this IE thing as long as you, but I am definitely feeling the same thing. For me, it’s hearing other people talking about diets. It’s the clothes too, but I feel like a FAILURE almost, even though I totally am not. I dropped about 7 pounds when I first started this, but since then, I’ve been hanging at the same 4 pound range for about 7 months. I mean, that’s great, but it’s also 10-20 pounds from where I’d ideally like to be. I forget that I’ve been down there before and found it impossible to maintain, even though I totally have been maintaining THIS weight with almost no effort all this time.
I am resolving the issue (for now) by adding in some cross training since I’ve been pretty much 100% focused on running lately. Adding swimming should be relaxing and allow me to work my upper body some… and hopefully I’ll feel better about my body. I don’t know if that defeats the purpose or not.
THis: “For me, it’s hearing other people talking about diets.” YES. ME TOO.
This thinking is coming from your Ego, do you know why you want that number? what is your Ego hungry for? You already know your soul wants to set a good example for jelly bean, day by day as time passes and you continue to practice this, peace will come,you will stop living through your ego and only live by what your soul wants. I think you are already doing that because the thoughts don’t come all the time 24/7 they just creep in on occasion.
wishing you peace
p.s. I got some Himalayan pink salt…it’s great!
Haha – I bought some too! And I love it!!
There’s so much good advice here! I wish I had something to add but you know I struggle with this, pretty much all the time. So I just wanted to say thank you for posting this. You make me feel a little less alone and a little less crazy!
You are definitely not alone in this!!
I know you know this, but I’ll say it anyway:
If you are not overweight, exercise and a truly healthy diet will not make you lose weight. And being 10 pounds above your “ideal” weight DOES NOT equal “overweight.”
There’s this pervasive idea that healthy means losing weight. While often related, those are two completely different things, and for many people things come to a point where you have to chose one or the other. I think you’ve been at that point for a very long time. I have no idea how to deal with that, other than reminding yourself of that truth over and over again.
This: “There’s this pervasive idea that healthy means losing weight. While often related, those are two completely different things, and for many people things come to a point where you have to chose one or the other.” is so true. You’re right that on some level I do know this (and have for a while) but I’ve not been able to put it so clearly – thank you!
I just tweeted you that “yes, it does get better with age but the real issue is weight stigma.” Thought I should explain more. The almost universal unhappiness with their bodies that women share is a result of it really not being acceptable to be anything but the perfect body. Which, of course, is a loaded phrase. Who defines the perfect body? These days, it’s fashion/media. In previous ages, it may have been fashion, too, but the ideal was a larger woman. Since we can’t go back (at least in this lifetime, that I know of :)), it behooves us all to recognize weight stigma for what it is, and not buy into it! The Binge Eating Disorder Association just sponsored the first ever Weight Stigma Awareness Week at the end of September. We’re going to make it an annual event, and get the word out the rest of the year, too. Hope you’ll join us, Charlotte.
So true about weight stigma being very prevalant in our society – I’m sorry I missed BEDA’s awareness week this year, I’d def. like to be involved next!
I hear you girl. I weigh myself every now and then. It varies from 112 to 110lb. And to tell you the truth I get upset when the scale says 112 and I don’t get the high when I see the 110. I also don’t get the safe feeling about eat when the scale doesn’t say 110. It’s just two stupid pounds but I still am disappointed in myself sometimes when 112 pops up.
I worry all the time that Sam will pick up that voice in my head that feels gross after eating something I shouldn’t, but I have to cause it’s a big social meal. I worry she’ll judge herself in the mirror and pinch her “fat” and say she’s fat. I worry (that’s what I do best after all). UGH.
Oh and Madam Charlotte Turkey Hills Low Fat Cookie Dough is the best ice cream! 😛
yes i still struggle. please give yourself time and journal those thoughts. you have to reverse the disordered thinking….which took years to create…and will not change over time. Did your therapist give you any cognitive therapy techniques to use when you are bombarded with those thoughts?
I feel for you. I would die a thousand deaths if my daughter developed an eating disorder because of my behaviors. i wish that hell on no one. you will figure this out. hugs.
Thank you! Yes, I do have some CBT techniques – I’ve gotten lazy about doing them but you’re right. I do need to return to that and my journalling.
You know that little “buzz” you get when people’s (ok girls) eyes get all wide when you tell them you are 5’6″ and only weigh 104 pounds? (No? It’s just ME?) Well, that was back in my ED days.
Now I have learned to turn the tables. I get nearly the same “buzz” when people’s eyes get all wide when I tell them I’m 5’6″, size six and weigh 145 pounds!!!! Yup. All (ok, mostly) muscle. And I’m healthy. And I feel GREAT! And I still PANIC every. single. time. I get on the scale. So I don’t do that very often. Oh the games we play (with our minds).
Hahah – I love the idea of “turning the tables”! And congrats on all that muscle – you should be proud, that’s hard work!
Charlotte,
Hopefully I won’t get labeled for following your blog (can’t remember how I wound up subscribing). However, I continue to follow most (there are some I reflexively skip – for example I’ve not read any other comments on this post as I presume things were likely said under the assumption of no males being around) of your posts because 1) they’re incredibly entertaining and 2) Some I pass on to my wife.
Anyhow, your post struck a chord as my wife struggles with similar feelings. The unfortunate reality is that, as humans our feelings often ARE our reality.
So, in an attempt help shift the reality of your feelings I’m going to tell you the same things I tell my wife (er, well, not exactly as that would earne a label – but, I believe we hear certain affirmations more clearly from the opposite sex, so please don’t send your significant other, my wife, or anyone else after me for saying this). I figure it’s the least I can do in return for your posts.
As a red-blooded male in my early thirties, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your body / build and a helluva lot right. That’s not some meaningless little positive thinking “everyone is beautiful” knee-jerk affirmation. You’re a little hottie, don’t forget it. I would bet your significant other (I’m pretty sure I see ring in that first pic…) is inordinately pleased (if not he’s blind or stupid). Screw whatever aspect of modern society has convinced your subconsience otherwise. They’re wrong.
Okay, now I’m going to back away and pray nothing bad happens.
PS – My beautiful wife has managed to LOSE weight after each of our three kids was born (the miracle of breast feeding and us eating healthier as a family), so you’re not alone in your feelings about yourself being contrary to how others may view you.
PPS – Hopfully, sharing that about my wife convinces anyone that reads this that my compliment was as platonic as a compliment on looks can be.
Thank you Josh! Your compliment & advice totally made my day and no worries, I see nothing untoward in any of it. I don’t have many male readers (all the PMS talk perhaps??) so I really appreciate it when you guys chime in. Your wife is very blessed to have you in her life!
I am no expert, and as far as I can tell, I don’t even have a problem with disordered eating. However, I definitely have to try and control the voice that tries to tell me that I need to lose weight, or should feel guilty for eating something. I think that it may be something that you (and a lot of us) may always have to work on quieting down. However, as you work on skills to quiet that voice it will just get easier and easier. Keep on keeping on, and it will get easier!
Charlotte,
I love that dress so very much – you look gorgeous as does Jelly Bean. Honestly, I have no advice to offer b/c we share the same struggles. Just reading over comments others have left. You have super helpful readers btw. 🙂
Favorite ice-cream flavor these days is called Gravel Road from a scoop shop here in Nashville – salted caramel with smoked almonds. Again, we share the same brain.
I do have amazing readers:)) And thank you for the empathy! (Now I am on a mission to find me smoked smoked almonds to put in my salted caramel ice cream!)
Charlotte,
First of all, I can completely relate, and appreciate your openness in initiating a discussion that is obviously needed for far too many women (and men).
My suggestions are:
-watch old-time movies, look at old art, and make a decision and commitment to actively admire and seek out models (literally or figuratively) of healthy, strong, classical females. Our ‘culture’ and media is incredibly skewed, although it IS getting better. (Thank you, Dove ads?)
-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiJLl3BNzys
-Regard your body as else-from-you. I know this seems strange, even dangerous at first (what about the mind-body connection??), but it has really helped me to see the body as separate from “me”, because not only does it loosen the grip of identifying AS my body (and therefore judging ME based on the state of my physical body), it also lets me ‘talk’ to my body and regard it as someone else – and don’t we all treat others better than ourselves, with more kindness, acceptance, and enthusiam? Say, hey body, thanks for staying with me through all these Warriors and for building strong thigh muscle to hold me steady. Or regard it with the same appreciation, nurturance, kindness, forgiveness, and understanding that you regard your little girl!
I hope you find increasing peace and find yourself less and less influenced by unhelpful messages outside your own feelings of balance and goodness. Keep fighting the good fight! (I know I am, and it helps infinitely to know others are, too. THANK YOU for the camaraderie and honesty). <3
I love your suggestion to look at more old movies/paintings etc – I love that stuff anyhow and you make a good point about different body types (although we have to look past all the corset nonsense;)) And you’re right about that pic – it’s awesome but I was surprised too!
p.s. check out the first ‘fitness pic’ in this article: http://www.self.com/fitness/blogs/freshfitnesstips/2011/09/most-effective-triceps-toners.html?mbid=enws_mow1020
yes, she’s thin and fit, but I think this is the first time I’ve seen such an ‘unflattering’ angle – the ones I always tend to notice and scrutinize and wonder, do other people look like this when they do this or is it only me because I never see evidence of it???
First of all, it feels weird to try to give YOU advice when I read (and loved) your book.
I think the thing that stands out to me most is: why is ten pounds lighter than where you are “ideal”? I think to define your “ideal” weight based on anything OTHER than the weight at which your body stabilizes after some period of normal, intuitive eating, is setting yourself up for failure!
I know it’s easier said than done, since I myself feel in the same boat: heavy. I can’t put a number on it, but I do know one thing: I’ve been overeating, bingeing, restricting, overexercising, etc. for too long and need to fix these behaviours to find out for perhaps the first time what my “ideal” weight is. That being said, I think “ideal” weight will change over the seasons, the years, the decades…the point is, you can’t aim for it. It’s a moving target.
I’ve read Intuitive Eating and any other eating disorder book I can get my hands on (not to mention about 1920101920 million diet ideas before I realized I was delusional) and to be honest, I don’t think a single one will claim that you could possibly be living without eating disorder thoughts if weight and a number on a scale or a size in your pants is affecting your happiness. You deserve more freedom than that…
I hate to be the buzzkill, but if you were intuitive eating, you’d just weigh what you’re supposed to weight, plain and simple. Lots of people embrace intuitive eating because they assume that means they’ll lose weight. That might not happen. But you will feel better! Full recovery, to me, means letting your weight happen and trusting enough to give up the restricting, bingeing, whatever it is holding you back from getting there. Really, your body knows what it’s doing!
How much do I love this: ” I think to define your “ideal” weight based on anything OTHER than the weight at which your body stabilizes after some period of normal, intuitive eating, is setting yourself up for failure!”? TRUE. And good luck in your own recovery – kudos to you for being able to recognize your delusional ideas for what they are!
Wish I had time to read all these great-looking comments.
Ice cream flavor favorites: Friendly’s Choc Chip Cookie Dough and Peanut Butter Cups.
As per weight and struggling with it: currently at the thinnest I’ve been in about seven years. My weight though, is at it’s all time high for being at my thinnest. Clothes fit well and I’ve created a balance between shoulders and hips via light weight training. I walk almost daily–shape-up shoes faithfully on. Eating isn’t the absolute best but I’m much better than I ever was. If I can stay this way for good, that will be okay.
Thanks for a great post!
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My goodness this post has gone wild! I couldn’t get the comments to even load up yesterday, so apologies for being late to the party.
In some ways I think I DID want you to be able to turn around and say you’d cracked it. I feel like you’re so much further ahead than me – I still don’t really believe I could tackle IE without overeating enormously, so I still operate on cycles of controlling what I eat and letting it all fly out of the window and gaining 10 lbs (and that’s on top of what I consider to be 10 lbs over my “ideal” weight, however disordered that number might be). But I love what Coleenzo said… and I think it’s really true for me. I always need another goal to strike out at, I always need to be GOING somewhere, and until I’ve cracked that, I don’t think I’ll be happy at any weight, regardless of how happy it’s supposed to be for me.
I think time is the answer…. it just might be a little longer than we’d all hoped (but I’m SURE it’s there)
Px
I cannot tell you enough how much it means to have you on this journey with me:) We’ll get there. Both of us!
I have never struggled with an eating disorder, but I have watched my incredibly obese mother get more and more unhappy with her weight as she has grown older (and getting bigger and bigger as well), to the point where I don’t think any amount of dieting or exercise would work for her. There reaches a point, I think, where you just CAN’T. But anyway, as a result, I have sworn to NEVER EVER look like she does. And even though I know that logically, that kind of obesity is something that would have surely shown up by now if I was going to pick it up (I’m a horrible exerciser, a worse dieter, and I’ve never become seriously obese, even though I have been heavier than I would like, ESPECIALLY when I was living in the States), I still live with that thought in my head every single day. I cannot get to look like my mom. I cannot get to look like my mom.
So where can I find out more about IE, because I like the idea of it, but my body yells for unhealthy food when I’m not being “controlling”, and I have no idea where to start. I am tired of obsessing over my weight, and feeling permanently un-sexy (which, by the way, is not good for the sex life, EITHER).
I’m 31. I would probably classify as “slightly overweight” when it comes to standard measurement systems. I KNOW I’m not actually a problem case. But the voice never stops (even though I don’t do anything about it, which of course means a permanent state of guilt) … the cycle continues!
Argh!
Oooh I know that “permanent state of guilt” feeling! You do not have to live that way:) Geneen Roth (start with her book “When you eat at the refrigerator pull up a chair” – it’s like 3$ on Amazon I think) totally changed my life when it comes to food. I’m not perfect (obv) but life is so much better than it used to be. Keep me posted on how you are doing!
After 14 plus years of an eating disorder this is still something I work on daily. The connection between my mind and body was so severed that intuition is only now stepping into the picture and the acceptance that I may not “like” where it takes me…away from the ED and that body.
Quite honestly the thing that has helped me the most is yoga…plain and simple. An acceptance of where I am now and not trying to be anything else be it 10 pounds in the past or 10 pounds in the future.
I totally agree with you about yoga – it was (and is) immensely healing for me too and remains my #1 fave way to exercise. I love this: “An acceptance of where I am now and not trying to be anything else be it 10 pounds in the past or 10 pounds in the future.” Beautiful.
It may be helpful for you to get really, really clear about what it is you are wanting and expecting from your body so that you can dissolve the painful thoughts around it. Are you familiar with the work of Byron Katie? She does a lot of work with women around body image and has a worksheet called judge your body to proceed doing “the work”. She also has some great videos and plenty of free resources on her website. In the coaching world, she is the mother of thought work so she has way more stuff than body image. But, it was through her work that I learned how to dissolve my painful thoughts around my body and begin truly accepting it.
I have not heard of her before! Thank you for the tip – will go check her out now!!
For what it’s worth, I think you’re beautiful. But I understand what you mean about how hard it is to not feel right in your own skin. I haven’t been able to make progress with IE yet and really admire you for getting to the place that you are and sticking to your guns despite discomfort. I think an important thing to keep in mind is that real women will probably never be happy with their bodies or think that they match ideals no matter what weight one is at. All the images we see around us are airbrushed and photoshopped in addition to being of people that probably have very unbalanced food/exercised habits. Maybe the tradeoffs are something to keep in mind?
Also, remember that what you perceive in the mirror is probably not what everyone else around you sees. I know that doesn’t help when you’re just plain feeling uncomfortable in your body (not buying into the fallacy that EDs are all about image, it’s not true!). But maybe keeping that distortion in mind can help a bit when you’re feeling bad about yourself.
I have no idea if any of that is helpful, but I just wanted to say I really appreciate your candidness on this blog, it’s way more helpful and insightful than if you glossed over the issues and pretended everything was fine and dandy all the time.
Favorite ice cream: It WAS Edy’s Tagalong Girl Scout Cookie flavor, but they didn’t make it last year and I fear it is extinct now. 🙁 In light of that, I would have to say Ben & Jerry’s Clusterfluff has taken the top spot. I’m a sucker for anything with peanut butter!
Dear Cammy, your words are *always* helpful to me! Esp. remembering the inherent distortion that EDs place over our eyes. I kinda feel like we’re in this together:) And I am now on a mission to find me some Clusterfluff!
I…I need those shoes…
I have a hard time with accepting my body weight most days.
It’s even more frustrating that cutting out an entire food group from my diet hasn’t done a damn thing for those three stupid numbers.
My clothes fit me.
Some of my pants are baggier than they were a year ago.
And I kinda don’t care
because my brain still thinks that everyone under 5′ 5″ should weigh 105 pounds.
Stupid?
Yes.
Disordered thinking?
Absolutely.
And all I can do is focus on strength, ability, and praying that God will allow me to be at peace with my body.
Maybe when JellyBean is a bit older, you can get her into fun activity classes,
so she connects working out with having a good time,
instead of using it to punish her body?
My folks rarely complimented the way I looked
(truth be told, there weren’t many things to compliment before I turned 23),
and that hurt.
There is Katie Makkai’s argument against “merely pretty”,
which I completely agree with (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6wJl37N9C0),
however…
I do feel it is *vital* for girls to know that their parents find them beautiful.
Thank you so much for the reminder to tell Jelly Bean how beautiful I think she is, inside and out! And thank you for the video rec – gonna check it out now. I always feel like you know exactly what I’m going through and while I’m sorry that you have had such similar experiences, I love knowing that I’ve got such good company:)
I think there’s a bit of a cult of body acceptance that I don’t really like. You know, how you have to “embrace your curves” and all the rest? To me it just seem like one more thing to fail at: Not only do I have boobs I can tuck into my pants, I don’t *like* them. I lose on both counts. I think it’s important to make peace with the fact that there are some things that just bug you. I can’t change my boobs and I can’t foresee ever really liking them so I just put on my best bra and get on with my day. No beating myself up involved.
Along the same lines, having the bad thoughts doesn’t mean you’ve fallen off the wagon. Do we expect a recovering alcoholic to never crave a beer? No. It’s the avoidance of destructive behavior that’s the goal. And you are doing *amazingly* well on that.
Thank you Mary!! And this: “I think there’s a bit of a cult of body acceptance that I don’t really like.” is profound. I am going to spend a lot of time considering this because I think you are right. One more checkbox that women have to check off to be perfect….
I have found 3 things help:
1. I got to an unhealthy weight and discovered many people complimented my unhealthy thinness which taught me society is not aligned with my best interests. Not recommended.
2. I stopped consuming all media that promotes the thinness and beauty is everything ideal. This means all women’s magazines I have encountered. I also consciously note when I see these ideals promoted and why I disagree with them.
3. I continually remind myself that I am healthy and strong and many other things that are more important than beauty and those things make me beautiful. Strong is beautiful!
Recognizing all the wonderful things you are that are more important than your looks is the most important for me. For example, you are smart, a caring mother, a loving wife, and an interesting blogger. These are all things of great value that thinness could never eclipse.
I hope this gets easier for you.
Love these tips! I have already done #1. Sadly. And I no longer subscribe to any women’s mags at all (although I will confess to reading them if I happen to find them lying around somewhere or if someone gives me one). And #3… some days I do really well with it but there is so much progress there to be made!
Charlotte, with a daughter & kids in general, so much to think about. That documentary, Miss Representation, that I wrote about Monday – well, that says a lot about women & girls in tis world!
I do not IE. I portion control & no basic calories & eat certain foods I know are right for me. The older I get & age will make you do this, the more I really have to watch all this. I want to be happy with my weight no matter what & these changes are making it very difficult to stay the way I want to look so at some point, I may just have to be a few pounds over & not as lean & live with it BUT it is tough for me! I am writing about this tomorrow…
I actually have a date to see Miss Representation! So excited!! Thanks for the rec:) Gotta go read your post now…
I just love you so much, Charlotte because you make yourself so vulnerable. Food is so danged hard, but we thank you for sharing your struggle that you aren’t ALL THERE, and we are the peons who can’t get it together.
I love Ben&Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream pops, and Blue Bell’s Vanilla cookies and cream. I’m happy you get to eat your favorite and can stop.
I vacillate on this one. Part of me believes that no matter how hard I diet and exercise that I will never have a body like Sofia Veranga, or Lynda Carter (even now) or Jennifer Aninston.
However, I have also probably never dieted and exercised to my full potential for an extended amount of time either, so I don’t know how far I can go.
I just keep on hoping that I will get kidnapped by Jillian Michaels or that Jackie lady who used to have a show on Bravo and locked away somewhere for about 2 months where I constantly exercise and someone else picks out only healthy food for me to eat.
However, I don’t see that happening.
You know I think there’s a reality show like that… 😉 As for the not living up to your potential bit, I tend to think that people are doing the best with what they have. YOu’ve got a lot going on in your life – give yourself some credit:)
If you really want to get faster, try training for it. Do serious speedwork on runs, do it consistently, and you’ll quickly find your weight is NOT the problem. I can tell from your photos that you’re just not carrying enough bodyfat for it to hurt your running.
Unfortunately, running is a sport that rewards consistency and dedicated effort. You seem to be good at kind of… trying a lot of new forms of cardio? which won’t help with running. Getting seriously fast takes specific training with a plan. Read up on some Jack Daniels and Pfitzinger. FWIW.
Hahahah – SO TRUE. I am one of those “decent at everything, great at nothing” people. And running is totally one of those things that you have to train for what you do. Thanks for the book recs, I’ll totally check them out!
Charlotte,
I haven’t read all the other responses, so this could be repeating something someone’s already said, but I just wanted to write and say thank you (as always!) for your honest post.
As someone who has struggled with body image and eating disordered tendencies in the past but is now generally healthy (mentally and physically), my motto I tell myself when I am caught off guard by those “ideal body” thoughts is “HEALTHY and STRONG.” This is what I strive to make my body through a healthy lifestyle, and it’s only related to me, not anyone else around me.
Keep fighting and be kind to yourself! I don’t think those thoughts ever go away entirely, but the more you practice fighting them the less often (and the quieter) they become.
Thank you Amy! This is exactly what I needed to hear and it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who struggles with this sometimes.
I know what you mean when you say that you still sometimes think, “Things would be so much better if I weighed 10 pounds less”. When that comes up I try and remind myself that it’s a sign that I’m uncomfortable or unhappy with something that I can’t control and my brain mistakenly tries to press the “but I can control this, watch me!” button.
We have a new boss at work right now who I have heard nothing but wonderful things about. Yet, I haven’t made a real connection with him yet. So everything is slightly colored by the anxiety that I may be the next person he shows the door. And that is keeping the “Lose weight” light flashing brightly in my head. I’m doing my best to ignore it and remember, this time is uncomfortable and weird and stressful enough, no need to muck it up by mistakenly adding weight to the mix where it doesn’t belong!
Great post. Thanks for the opportunity to write this out in response. My favorite ice cream flavor was a retired Ben & Jerry’s concoction called Dastardly Mash: chocolate with raisins and almonds. Mmmmm that was gooood. Sometimes I put nuts and raisins in plain chocolate ice cream just to relive it!
For me, it’s difficult to tell what my happy weight actually is. My weight’s been all over the place through the last five years and at the moment, I’m not as in shape as I’d like to be. Over the next few (cold, wintery, I want comfort food) months, I guess I should try to focus on getting “fitter” rather than getting “skinnier.”
I’d say I also practice IE, but I definitely still struggle with stopping when I’m “satisfied.” It’s an ongoing process (for the both of us), but just keep reminding yourself of all the progress you’ve made and keep moving forward!
Yep 100% all in your head. Know why? YOU are that girl that other girls look at and say “wow, I wish I had HER figure”. Not that you will take it on board, but I’m just telling you that’s how it is. And by the way, no, it doesn’t get better with age, sorry. Not in my case anyway.
Favorite ice cream is Chocolate Malted crunch that can only be found at Rite Aid under the Thrifty brand. Magical.
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