I was first introduced to Adderall a few years ago by a friend deep in the anorexic abyss. At the time I wrote it off as just more evidence of the all-consuming nihilism of the disease. Not only was she starving herself, working out hours every day and popping diet pills like candy but now she was taking prescription meds too – just one more thing to maintain her tortuously thin frame. To her though it was significant: it allowed her to maintain her focus and mental functioning during an illness that is notorious for compromising both. Yet, I wrote it off. Anorexics will also tell you to punch yourself in the stomach every time it growls and to drink vinegar to dampen your hunger. Crazy talk. (And you know that being stuck in the revolving door of eating disorders myself, I mean that with love.)
Other than the occasional mention of it in relation to superskinny celebs (ahem, Lindsay Lohan), I forgot about it until today when an acquaintance of mine brought it up again. To encapsulate a very lengthy conversation, the general idea is that while she does not have ADHD – the disorder for which the drug is legally prescribed – she takes it every day and sees huge benefits from it. After hearing about it from another friend (and trying out a couple of Friend’s pills), she managed to wrangle a scrip from her doctor under semi-false pretenses. But oh was it worth it, she raved. Not only does she have laser-sharp focus now but she can get an entire day’s worth of work done in 5 hours!
In addition to making her the Energizer Bunny, it’s also made her a Playboy Bunny. “I never worry about my weight now!” she exulted and then chastised me in the same breath: “You’re too obsessed with your exercise and food. You just need to learn to chill out about it, like me. I eat whatever I want and exercise when it feels good and I’m 15 pounds lighter than I was in high school!” Which is true, incidentally. I have long admired/been irritated by Girlfriend’s ability to maintain her modelesque figure without any apparent effort.
“But you’re taking drugs,” I replied pointedly.
“So?” She was entirely unremorseful. “They’re not addictive and they’re not diet pills or anything. In fact, all they do is make me more me!” I must have looked incredulous because she continued, “You know those days you have when you’re totally on? Everything runs smoothly, you have tons of energy, you don’t forget anything and you do the best work of your life?”
“Um, yeah.” While few and far between, I do have those days. They’re awesome.
“Well with Adderall you can have those days every day.”
Some scientists actually agree with my friend. In the December 2008 issue of Nature magazine, several researchers posit that we should be promoting Adderall and other cognitive enhancing drugs saying, “Society must respond to the growing demand for cognitive enhancement. That response must start by rejecting the idea that ‘enhancement’ is a dirty word.” They make the case that these drugs have very few side effects and provide a lot of benefit even for people without the illness or disorder they are designed for. This off-label, Brave New World use of the pharmaceuticals has been popular for a decade with college and high school students looking for an edge, not to mention the Hollywood starlet set.
Think of it: a pill that not only increases your energy, mental capacity and functioning but also makes you effortlessly thin! It is kinda perfect, right?
My mind has been rolling that one around all day. It’s one thing to be promised effortless weight management – especially when I’ve had to put so much work and energy into figuring out a healthy relationship with food – but it’s the mental acuity that really has me wondering. They say you lose 10 IQ points with each kid you have. I’d say that’s a conservative estimate. Between the exhaustion and the monotony and the making up of rules you never thought you’d have to make (“We don’t lick everything at head height in the grocery store, darling!”), my mind is like Jell-O riddled with buckshot. (True story: I actually had buckshot Jell-O once. A friend gave me a quail full of teeeeny bullets that were impossible to remove but I tried to cook it anyhow. The meat on plate comingled with my Jell-O and… gross.)
And you’re telling me a pill can fix all that? (Except for the part where I let my food touch?)
My gut still thinks it’s a bad idea though. So today I’ve been looking up all the bad things about Adderall on the Internet. And the Internet being, well, the Internet, there are plenty of bad things out there. For one thing, Adderall comes with the ominous “black box warning” from the FDA meaning it can cause death or serious harm. There are also reports that it increases anxiety – something I certainly don’t need any help with – and heart irregularities. Not to mention that these drugs haven’t been around long enough to know what their long-term effects are going to be. And I’d be lying if I didn’t add that part of it is just jealousy. It’s not fair that I have to measure up to these perfect medicated women! Whose clothes always match! And who never forget to pick up their child from preschool! And whose houses don’t look like Mordor envisioned by IKEA!
Still.
I’m already terrified of “not living up to my potential” but this self-medicating – it is a bad idea, right? I’m not talking about taking drugs for medical problems that you legitimately have, ADHD included – I have no problem with that. I’m talking here about using stimulants to give you a leg up. Have you ever done it? Would you ever do it? Anyone else ever feel inadequate trying to live up to an airbrushed-botoxed-lipo’d-Adderall’d standard??
PS> I am not now taking Adderall nor have I ever done so in the past. The only prescription drug I take is my anti-depressant. Which I will probably be on forever. Sigh. Just wanted to make that abundantly clear.
Note: Parts of this post are from one I wrote two years ago but a conversation today with a friend about her, yes, illicit Adderall use made me think this discussion needs to happen again. I’m telling you, I now know more people on this pill than I have fingers. Suburban epidemic?
I think we are a self medicating society… but as we’ve been doing this to ourselves hasn’t depression been going up? Hasn’t this quest for happiness been going up?
I’d rather be in touch with my feelings and well… know they’re *my* feelings and not some pills. I think some pills do have a good purpose – to put you in touch with who you really would be (ie if you had a disorder or disease), but I think there’s a reason they don’t prescribe it to people without those problems. It affects their own person and while it might make me a more productive individual… I would prefer to harness that from within. I think I when things come from within we value them more, take more pride in them, and that our self esteem rises.
Granted I’ve been a chronic pill abuser for years (formerly diet pills then later laxatives)… So maybe I’m biased as I know how negatively it’s impacted my life.
I don’t think that makes you biased, I think that makes you SMART. Honestly I think I’m overwhelmed by my feelings and so I kinda like the idea of having different ones… not that I’m going to self-medicate to get there.
These pills make you think that you can achieve anything. They are dangerous if not used judiciously with discretion. They can cloud your judgement in the whirlwind of productivity. You will honestly believe that you can mow the entire lawn with your weed whacker, metaphorically. You may have laser sharp focus and zero on details, quickly and accurately, however you lose site of the big picture. Your emotional life can flatten, almost plateau. Staying on top can be just as scary as the deepest crevasse. The hills and valleys of emotion make us human. There are definitely side effects, you just might not feel them until after you go off of it. It takes more effort to feel happiness naturally. You can’t just go off of it and carry on like normal, it takes a while to get back into a natural rhythm.
Wow, so much in this comment that really hit me but I think this: “Staying on top can be just as scary as the deepest crevasse.” is very powerful. I hadn’t thought of it that way but I think you are absolutely right.
I couldn’t agree more. These people think that they are at the top of their game, but all I see is a hopped up delusional version of that person. It is not reality they are in. Now it just makes them an addict on top of their other problems.
These people are not on top of their game. Their pill is. Without their magic pill they are just like the rest of us having good days and well not so good days. Human.
I’d rather be scared on top than scared at the bottom. If we are both scared and feel the same why not be on top. That was a pretty silly argument a lot of people jumped on the bandwagon. Although I agree it is insightful and true you all seem like you are promoting coming in last.
This terrifies me! We’re so quick to jump on pills/short-cuts for everything when the benefits usually come from going THROUGH things and coming out the other side more mature, more empathetic, etc. (I, too, am not talking about legitimate medical needs.) What kind of example is that to our kids? My 12 year old son started middle school this year; what pill gets you through middle school? 🙂 Pray for those friends, but don’t give in to ‘it’s ok because everyone else is doing it’. This also isn’t to say that if there were no risks whatsoever, I’d probably be mulling the idea as well – and that’s the E.D. me talking!!
Excellent point: “benefits usually come from going THROUGH things and coming out the other side more mature, more empathetic, etc.” Thank you!
Sounds like the movie Limitless (good movie, btw, with Bradley Cooper). He takes these drugs that make him think faster, smarter, etc. and it follows his rise (and fall?? hmm, don’t want to giveaway the plot!).
That being said, it is tempting. I think even Desperate Housewives had Lynette on it for a few episodes a couple years back. Honestly, most prescription drugs come with the ominous warning that it may cause death (which, frankly, I think they slap on way too many drugs just to cover their butts from our “let’s sue everyone” society).
That being said, I’m extremely anxious, and that side effect would terrify me. I lie awake at night enough worrying, eating too much from stress, not sleeping, etc., I certainly wouldn’t want it enhanced!!! But. . . . I don’t know. I can certainly see how a low dose/cutting in half would be very tempting.
I just saw that Limitless movie the other night, this totally made me think of it.
Oooh haven’t seen that movie but now I’m interested! And yeah, heaven knows I don’t need any more anxiety either!
Ugh. As a college student I know a sizable number of people who use Adderral (which is still less scary than coke, which is shockingly common on college campuses). I haven’t really heard of peoole using it for daily use like your acquaintance (she sounds like a piece of work, btw–I hope she won’t read this!!!), but there’s definitely a surge in Adderall use around exams. At the school I attend it’s actually an academic violation to use it since it gives you an unfair (not to mention totally illegal) edge over your peers. However, given the people I’ve seen Addied-out during exams, I would never want to try to write 3 papers and study for 2 exams on it. Like the commenter above said, it makes you totally lose focus of the big picture, so time management and, I don’t know, NORMAL LIFE ORGANIZATION totally go out the window. In school terms, the people who’ve been chugging along and putting in the effort all semester while eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, and not over committing themselves to a million different things do the best academically and get the most out of school, and the people who need to cram and find medicinal ways to do it, even though they have that “unfair” advantage, just can’t make up for a lack of grounded thinking and living. I don’t know about suburban mom types as I’m but a poor student and a life-long urbanite, but I’d say with 90% confidence that your acquaintance and other pill-popping moms aren’t much better off than the ladies-who-lunched-and-took-Valium in the ’50s. With the Addy moms, I’d guess that they’re just kind of going through the rote motions of life (albeit at breakneck speed) without really living it, much like the people who cram all night for a class and prompty forget everything once the semester’s up.
Good point about “not really living” life if you’re running through it on fast forward! And no, this acquaintance doesn’t read my blog:)
You handle this back and forth conversation well. As for me, I was scared Adderall-less throughout. Maybe it’s a generation gap, but I find it unnerving that your friend was actually justifying taking drugs for this purpose. What will people do to themselves to maintain weight? Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. Back away slowly. Oh, and intelligence comes back as the kids get older. In fact, my 19 year old may inform me any day now that I have learned a lot in the last 2 years. I will probably learn a lot more right around when she turns 25. Yes, you will become amazingly intelligent when your young ‘uns kiss their teen years good-bye. Just like I would kiss good-bye any pills.
Yikes! My ED side was salivating! I could feel the “yah, that could be good” thing happening. But then, thankfully all the work I have done over the years kicked back in and shoved the ED thoughts to the curb.
Yah, the very thought of living life on “speed” is terrifying. Sure, I could be stick thin, get a zilion things done and still have time left over, but what sort of a loon would I be and who would want to spend any time with me? Not ME!
So, no. Thanks. I’ll take clean-ish eating, T-Tapp 3 times a week, 7 hours of sleep a night and a few loveable character flaws (forgetfulness anyone? You think you are forgetful when you have a house full of kids – just wait for menopause!) over an Addy life-style any day.
Thanks for making me think this morning!
Eek – I’m sorry I made you think ED thoughts this a.m.! But this: “So, no. Thanks. I’ll take clean-ish eating, T-Tapp 3 times a week, 7 hours of sleep a night and a few loveable character flaws (forgetfulness anyone? You think you are forgetful when you have a house full of kids – just wait for menopause!) over an Addy life-style any day.” is awesome. Except I’m already SUPER forgetful – I’m going to be a disaster in menopause, lol. BTW, I don’t know if I thanked you for sharing your T-Tapp experience with me! It helps me a lot to hear from people I “know”:)
Does anyone really think that your brain can get these effects permanently without some serious consequences? Might not show up for five years, maybe not for ten, but there will be a price to pay. I, for one, am not willing to gamble my body and brain to find out what the price is.
As someone who does have ADHD and was finally put on a low dose of Adderall I have found the positive to outweigh the negative with it. I am on a very low dose of just 10mg and after initially getting over the manic feelings from starting it I have found it is just enough to get my brain to focus and even calm. I am very aware of the problems associated with abuse especially the heart problems that can occur. While this legal “speed” is very attractive to those wanting to loose weight or with ED’s the dangers increase in these situations where one is already stressing the heart. Pretty scary in my opinion.
By mistake I got an Rx that was for 30mg and I decided to try these. Big mistake. Racing heart, sweats, nausea and the like. I was so “high” that focus wasn’t even in the picture. I couldn’t wait to get it out of my system and convince myself that I wasn’t going to die!
As for the ever popular Adderall skinny mentality, one can’t stay on these drugs forever. If someone really got skinny abusing them it is pretty likely that there is going to be a big backswing both physically and mentally when they go off of them. Is a couple years of looking like a model worth it for that?
Adding to the above….I never lost weight on this low dose either!
This: “f someone really got skinny abusing them it is pretty likely that there is going to be a big backswing both physically and mentally when they go off of them. Is a couple years of looking like a model worth it for that?” is an EXCELLENT point. And thank you for sharing your experience with it! I’m so glad that you have found it helpful with your ADHD!
I don’t know much about Adderall, but I do know that THIS IS A BAD IDEA! If you have “perfect” days every day, then what makes one of those days special? Life is about ups and downs. Also, I think this sounds dangerous for someone who is prone to and/or recovering from an eating disorder. It might be about mental acuity at first, but then…you know how it goes.
Oooh I do know how it goes! Which is why I have never nor will I ever try this. I think this post was more me convincing myself:)
The comments above me pretty much covered what I would have commented on, but I’ll add my two cents anyway. Any time a drug is offered that can take away any physical or mental discomfort, I am jealous and tempted. Who wouldn’t want to be an “improved” version of themselves by simply popping a pill?
However, they aren’t making you “more you,” as your friend said, but rather making you an artificial version of yourself. It’s not sustainable, it’s not realistic and it’s not healthy. While l will probably be on an anti-depressant the rest of my life just like you, that’s for a legitimate problem, something that is medical and not superficial. This Adderall trend is simply a symptom that people are once again placing unrealistic expectations on themselves, on society and on the promise of a quick fix.
I don’t even take a sleeping pill anymore, drink coffee, etc. because I want to know that what I’m feeling is truly me–even if it’s craptastic. I want to know that if I’m beat, it’s because my body is telling me something, not because I’m hungover from a sleeping pill or a caffeine crash. If I’m feeling good, I want to be able to claim that as my own, not as something manufactured. It can be tempting when everyone else seems to have a leg up on things, but in the end, the risks simply aren’t worth the “rewards” to me. If it was legitimately prescribed, that’s different. If it’s recreational and taken in vain, no thanks.
“I want to know that if I’m beat, it’s because my body is telling me something, not because I’m hungover from a sleeping pill or a caffeine crash. If I’m feeling good, I want to be able to claim that as my own, not as something manufactured. ” Such a good point! And I like too what you said about it not being sustainable and just more evidence of the unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves. Thank you for this!
Ugh. Forget all this pressure to be perfect! When I was younger I thought that I absolutely had to be perfect and live up to this huge potential I’d been lectured about my whole life by my parents and teachers and I think at one point had it occurred to me, I’d have been tempted to try adderall. But one of the best life lessons I’ve somehow managed to pick up along the way is that I don’t *want* a perfect life. I want a good one, with room for lots of fun and relaxing experiences. If I need a cognitive aid to get through my day, what I really need is to learn to let go. I see the temptation, especially as a woman b/c I think we face a lot of societal pressure to be perfectly fit, hard working, perfect partners and mothers. Which is impossible, even with medical help!
very well put!
I agree with Heather! Love this: ” I don’t *want* a perfect life. I want a good one, with room for lots of fun and relaxing experiences.”
Not to mention Adderall is addicting. I had a roommate who’d been taking it from a young age that couldn’t function without it anymore, had two different doctors he went to to get it and stole some from another roommate when he ran out.
Ugh. NO. NO no no no.
As you know I work in a Peds office. You know, with low-income children who actually need these drugs. And let me tell ya, they may be safe and all, but starting a prescription drug is NOT something to do lightly or for no good reason! There are INTERACTIONS. And SIDE EFFECTS. And both of these can be life-threatening. Is it worth it? To effortlessly be a size 0? Or to *temporarily* improve your cognitive function? This is ridiculous. I can’t believe that scientists and doctors are discussing off-label prescriptions for Adderrall of all things. GOD.
Good point about the interactions and side effects. I love that you work in a peds office:)
I don’t want to take a pill that makes me more me. That doesn’t even make sense. How can a pill do that, if I can’t do it myself? What does that even mean? What’s more me than how I already am, right now?
I change, I fluctuate. That’s me being me.
Why is everyone so quick to defend drugs for a “legitimate medical reason” in order to heal the sick, but rush to condemn them if they give you pleasure or potentially enhance life. We live in a culture of “drugs are bad kids m’k” but only if you enjoy them. “Don’t pop a pill at a party, you might have fun. Oh, you have ADHD? Here. Take this pill, it’ll make you better.”
We all seek to change our state of being. It is part of human history. Sometimes it’s through prayer, meditation, shaman brews, food, sex, alcohol, coffee, or exercise. And sometimes it’s through drugs. If you lift the veil of judgement you’ll see that not one of these ways is better than the other. Because one person’s crutch may be another person’s vice. Either way, we all seek to change our state of being.
Interesting point. I can’t say that I agree – esp. not with equating prayer, meditation, sex or exercise (actions that cause a chemical response within the body) with a chemical like a pill or alcohol (that impose the chemical response from outside the body) – but you do make a good point about people sometimes talking out both sides of their mouths.
True. But I think it’s naive not to realise that these reactions are two sides of the same coin. External stimuli (eg food, alcohol, drugs etc) help us feel good because of the same inner workings that produce pleasurable internal stimuli (eg meditative thoughts). They release what is already inside us and what we can all access. Some stimuli just happen to make those connections a lot more quickly.
Personally, I’m not advocating one over the other. Certainly Charlotte, given your self-confessed addictive tendencies, I wouldn’t dream of suggesting you take something like Adderall. 🙂
My point is, that all stimuli can help us change our state of being, and it’s not necessarily or always a bad thing.
If your friend is coping with the dose and is still a good, kind, honest person, really – what difference does it make?
This is a hard post for me because I live off of pills. I don’t normally go talking about what I have to take but I take pain meds 4 times a day, ib profin for swelling 3 times a day. A muscle relaxer, anti depressant and nerve meds at night. That is a pharmacy but all that makes it possible for me to function durning the day. I have been all this for gosh 5 years now and in that five years I am proud to say I have only increase my pain meds to the next dose after Sam was born. I started on the lowest and then went one step up. So this is me in constant pain, I am still doing laundry, cleaning up my hell hole lol, taking care of Sam and playing with her and holding her, working out to programs like Insanity and P90X (modifying of course) just as all you none pain people do.
I tend to get in more pain as the day goes one because our bodies swell up through out the day which puts more pressure on the damaged nerve. So by dinner time I’m pretty much spent and looking for things to keep my mind off of the pain it does tend to get hard to watch Sam by myself at night especially when she acts up.
Oh Lordy I just wrote a book I’m sorry girl but that is my life with pills.
((hugs)) Erin! I would never criticize anyone for how they deal with chronic, debilitating pain. I think you are doing an awesome job, both as a mom and being healthy. Like I said in my post, I have no problems at all with people taking meds for legitimate medical issues.
This is ALL OVER my college campus. I won’t take it, because I want a job in the government and they frown upon that whole abusing prescription drugs thing, but it is so hard not to. I have so many gorgeous, smart friends who are only skinny and smart because they pop adderall like tic tacs. It takes away all of your appetite and makes you be able to focus. Sometimes it just sucks because instead of “cheating” and taking a magic pill, I wake up at 5 am every day to go run and then stay up late to finish my work like a normal person. It makes me really jealous of them. Obviously this is a little bit of a sore subject. Referring back to one of your other posts recently though, life isn’t fair so I just need to not let it bother me, I guess.
“I have so many gorgeous, smart friends who are only skinny and smart because they pop adderall like tic tacs.” Honestly I kinda feel this way too and it does make me a little bitter. Like so many of the other commenters pointed out though – there is value in the struggle and taking a shortcut to “perfection” isn’t helping anyone in the long run. So yeah, while you and I are working our butts off now, I think we’ll be glad we did it this way in the future. In the meantime – we have each other:) Not everyone is doing it!
Back before my day, doctors were giving out amphetamines under various names for the same thing! Not safe, nor smart! Yeah, they worked, but they are banned for very good reasons!
I tend to feel that Aderol is over prescribed for ADD, but being very close to someone with a Ph. D in special education, I know of many times it has been invaluable in helping some kids deal with their behavioral issues.
Love hearing a doc’s perspective:)
There is SUCH a black market for Adderall on college campuses, and I’ve witnessed both the up- and downsides to it. It can indeed make you feel/seem superhuman, but I also know people that got incredibly sick, with fever and heart palps and everything, from just a dose or two. Also, it does make you incredibly focused, but not always on the right thing. I know people that stayed up until 4 in the morning redesigning their bulletin board layouts or doing puzzles or sorting their entire wardrobe by color (true story) instead of writing the term paper or studying for the test that had been their excuse for taking the pill in the first place.
To be honest, though, I can’t say I haven’t wondered what it would be like. Have you heard of Provigil? THAT one intrigues me even more. But I have anxiety and heart palps even without pills, and, being a scientist the lack of long-term data scares me.
I knew a couple of kids in grade school that were on Adderall, and some were OBVIOUSLY overmedicated to a criminal degree. I remember one boy in particular that was pretty much a zombie, and he had so little appetite that he ended up 6 inches shorter than his younger brother.
My mom is in law school, and at a routine physical she mentioned off-hand to the doctor that she was having a hard time focusing, and he casually handed her an Rx for Adderall as if it were a coupon for a free coffee. Fortunately she did the research and decided not to take it, but it was really appalling how easy it was to get access to a drug she didn’t need.
That being said, I think that the debate about cognitive enhancement is fascinating, and is mostly an issue of blurry lines. Technically, a huge proportion of the country takes cognitive enhancers every day: caffeine. Intense focus, prolonged wakefulness, speeded metabolism, appetite suppression…no wonder Starbucks is such a success. Of course caffeine is addictive and has also been shown to cause heart palps and anxiety if you have too much, though, much like other drugs but in more gradual doses. So to me it seems like an issue of degree more than kind, and of labeling.
So many interesting points in this comment! I so wish that you and I could just sit down and chat sometime – I think we would never run out of things to talk about, lol! PS. That anecdote about your mom is seriously scary.
My best friend is addicted to Adderall, and it is really scary. I have tried (along with other friends) to get him to stop, but we haven’t been able to get him to shake it. He’s gone off it for as long as two months – but then he takes one pill and is right back where he started. It is INCREDIBLY scary. He has been to the ER three times (when he was shaking and his heart was beating so fast he said he thought he was having a heart attack), and even that gravity has not given him the willpower to stop.
When he went off it the last time, I saw huge differences in his personality. Adderall makes him incredibly withdrawn, antisocial, selfish, and uncaring – frankly NOT at all a fun person to be around. He started becoming a great, normal guy when he was off it. I could tell IMMEDIATELY that he was back on it the day he started taking it again – because he started acting like a jerk.
He supposedly received Adderall for a legitimate diagnosis, but he absolutely abuses it – hoarding it during the week (when he has to work) and then taking it ALL on weekends so that he can get a bigger high for his leisure time. He has friends who take it and has told me he’s scared he’s going to become like them – because he can see how their personalities have changed and also how it actually degrades your brain over time – but even that’s not enough to get him to stop.
Adderall is scary, scary stuff. I have never taken it but would never consider it after seeing how my best friend acts. And, to be VERY honest – lately I am considering whether I even want to keep him as a friend anymore. I want to help him through this and be understanding, but his other friends and I have tried with no luck. At some point, you have to cut your losses so that YOU don’t keep dealing with someone else’s crap… I would just feel horribly guilty abandoning him. Plus I miss my non-addict best friend 🙁
This is interesting to me. My husband actually does have ADD and when he was an undergrad, he got a script for adderall because he was having so much trouble focusing and getting work done. Turns out it makes him in to quite the a-hole (you could seriously tell whether he’d taken a pill or not on any given day based on his disposition) and he couldn’t tolerate it, so he decided he’d rather suffer through being unfocused than deal with the drugs. He worked his butt off, graduated with straight As, and went on to get his master’s in nurse anesthesia also totally unassisted by the use of adderall.
As for me, yeah, this post made my ED ears perk up big time (seriously, I’m 31 years old… someone tell me that by the time I am, say, 40 years old I just won’t have the inclination to obsess about this stuff any more) but when it comes down to it, I just can’t do that to myself. Honestly, I spend enough time beating myself up about having eaten too much chocolate, not running enough or gaining 2 pounds, the last thing I need to add to my arsenal is a drug addiction!
Thanks for sharing your brother’s experience! And yeah, like I said above – I’m SO sorry if I sparked ED thoughts for you. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own crazy I forget to consider how my crazy will impact other people’s. I’m glad that you were able to bring yourself back to a good place. And I agree – the last thing I need either is a drug addiciton!
Eeek. I am so so sorry for your friend’s struggles! I hope he gets the help he needs soon – and kudos to you for sticking by him through thick and thin.
My brother has taken Adderall since he was a child, for a legit diagnosis of ADD. Now in his 30s and a physician’s assistant, he has tried multiple times to get off of it because he is so worried about the cardiovascular effects- both known and unknown. If someone who actually needs it would rather not take it, that makes me sure I’ll never try it.
I was on Aderall for severl years. first in college (managing an engineering work load is hard!) then when I started working (work is hard!) . your friend is absolutely right – it makes every day an “on day” where things go smoothly. I can only imagine juggling kids on top o everything else, it probably seems like the holy grail. except that it’s not. it’s a temporary solution. it’s a bandaid. working out strengthens your body over time. aderall helps you get through each day. is it harder without it? maybe. but it also sort of dulls your senses over time (at least it did for me). it was harder to feel really happy or really sad. more like “what can i get done NOW? since i did everything 5 times faster than without the drug”. it also gets annoying when you see that everyone not on aderall is not a hyper overachiever. Plus who knows what that crap does to your body over time?
Good points all of them! Thank you for sharing your experience with it!!
Ahhhh, I had many a friend in college who used this drug to get through endless hours of studying and paper writing…while I never partook in it, there was always that curiosity of what it would do for me…I’ve taken many things illegally and have reaped consequences for those things…not really sure I would want to speed up my already anxious heart! I’m right there with you though…the slight wondering mixed with the knowing reality…
There’s something wrong when we all feel the necessity to be “up” ALL the time. As others have said, we need to go through the bad AND the good. It’s often the challenges that shape our character. I believe we’re here for a reason, and it’s not necessarily to accumulate as much stuff as possible or to try and squeeze our lives into some narrow version of “success.” It takes a long time to figure out who we are, what we need, what our purpose is, all of that.
I find that now, in my 40’s, I’m FINALLY coming to terms with some of those issues. There are dreams I had in my 20’s and 30’s that won’t come to fruition, and that’s OK. Because my reasons for wanting some of them were based on my need for outside approval, and my current reality is so much richer and more satisfying than those dreams.
So I don’t have to be Super Mom, I don’t need a McMansion, I don’t want to be in blockbuster movies, and even if I HAD been a Rockette I probably would’ve ended up in traction and years of physical therapy, lol!
Charlotte, you have done so much amazing work and come so far, and that’s better than anything the Adderall could do for you! I wish you could see yourself as we all do: an amazing mom, incredible writer, and so, SO strong! It takes A LOT of strength to show your vulnerability, and to go through all you’ve been through and come out with even more compassion and empathy than you had before. It’s a lot harder to be kind and loving than it is to be angry and hateful.
I love this: “I believe we’re here for a reason, and it’s not necessarily to accumulate as much stuff as possible or to try and squeeze our lives into some narrow version of “success.” ” Thank you for the reminder and thank you for the kind words – it means a lot to me:)
You know what is funny? I was on vacation with some friends. One woman was a pharmacist, one was a dentist, another a dental hygienist and one was a salesman. One night, we sat up talking and had a conversation about prescription drugs, and the salesman wasn’t there. Everyone laughed and laughed about Oxycontin, adderall, and other drugs that are being used pretty liberally these days. Remember, these are people in the medical profession. Oh, if they could only get their hands on some, they don’t mind getting prescriptions for them and taking them just to feel better, etc. And then, not long after, they had ANOTHER conversation badmouthing the salesman (who, again, wasn’t there) because he occasionally smokes weed, calling him an addict, etc. Uhh, you guys were JUST talking about addictive prescription drugs like it was NOTHING! Are you kidding? Now, I’m not promoting marijuana use here, but to me this conversation tells me that people are WAY too comfortable with prescription drugs if they’re laughable and awesome to people who are in the medical profession, but pot is BAD BAD BAD.
Frankly, I’m terrified about how we have drug commercials on television all the time, and we’re thinking constantly about what we should be taking. Again, it’s a comfort level with drugs that is dangerous. Because they’re legal, people think that’s ok, and they don’t do their homework. It’s no different than the illegal drugs, they just don’t realize it. Scary!
Anyway, you’re right to stay away. History tells us that drugs make it to market sometimes and have outrageous side effects that we don’t find out about until later.
I don’t like this – simply beacse it’s cheating. When I eat well and exercise I have way more on days than off days. I am lucky in that I don’t need to medicate my moods , so I’m not going to muck with my body any more than I have to. Why make yourself feel inferior. Just do the best you can. More than your best all the time is a recipe for burnout.
Everything I ever needed to know about life, I learned from Mammy in Gone with the Wind. And to quote her, “It ain’t fittin’, it just ain’t fittin’.” I dunno, having to take a drug to become a better version of your self seems disingenuous. It’s not like all these new improvements in your life actually came from self-growth. As alluring as it is, it just seems like cheating, ya know?
It does seem like cheating. Which is probably why it bothers me so much that I (feel like I am) being held to the same standard they are. But this: “Everything I ever needed to know about life, I learned from Mammy in Gone with the Wind.” needs to be my new life motto! LOVE Gone with the Wind!!!
Part of me read that and thought, “oooh, maybe that’ll work!” since I’m studying for the social work exam (taking it on the 14th…yikes). Then I remembered that I’ve had to study since the 4th grade and I’ve managed to get through high school, a BA and an MA/MSW without the use of drugs. Even caffeine – it does nothing for me. I’d buy a coffee so I could sit in a coffee shop to study, but it doesn’t affect me at all. For some reason, lighting a candle helps me focus. I’ve been on low-dose antidepressants for 10 years due to dysthymia, but I’m wary of Adderall…
I too feel jealous and really anxious about having to hold my own non-medicatedly-enhanced self against these people. But like some of the above comments, I want to know that what I do and feel is really me. For better or worse.
I have limited experience with the stuff, never had it prescribed, but a friend gave me a few, I find it useful for those days when you want to do a deep cleaning, such as getting an old toothbrush and scrubbing the grout between the tiles. For every day life, though? Ugh. My friend did lose weight, but he found it to be a bit too, um exciting, and went off of it. I’d be quite surprised if it wasn’t addictive, seems like any/all speed, from coffee to cocaine, is. Last time I took it, I had a guest who stayed for 5 minutes, then asked why I couldn’t sit down, and immediately left. I guess he’s had speed-freak friends, it all looks the same to him. He didn’t care that it was pharmaceutical, he didn’t want to be around it. I don’t know how people can use it to study, I would only take it for cleaning or packing to move. Powerful stuff.
Very interesting – I guess it affects each person differently!
I watched a close friend of mine develop an addiction to his prescription Adderall, and ultimately lose his scholarship, his fraternity, his girlfriend (me), and finally fail out of Vanderbilt because he was popping it around the clock. He would binge for 5 days straight and begin having hallucinations and panic attacks from not sleeping the whole time….it was messed up.
Not my idea of a good trip, no thank you. Yeah, drugs can be fun, I get that. But something that makes you feel worse when you’re NOT on it? I like myself, and I don’t want to change that relationship.
Interesting piece, Charlotte. I’m sorry you’re surrounded by women abusing this. To each his own, I suppose, but still. Shame.
Eeek – I’m so sorry about your friend/ex-boyfriend. It sounds like a nightmare for everyone involved and I hope he was able to get some help. So glad you came through it with such a good perspective!
It sounds so tempting doesn’t it? A drug to keep (or make) me skinny! I’ve been tempted to take the easy way out a number of times, but can’t help but wonder if (deep down inside) I’d know that I didn’t have the body I wanted because of my own efforts…. It’d feel like ‘cheating’. I know that’s just my own neuroses that worries about that kind of stuff, but that would be how I would feel… the old adage: if something sounds too good to be true….etc etc.
Deb
Bad idea. I’ve read that Adderall can work great at first, but after a while, people taking it can end up seriously depressed and have to counteract the Adderall with anti-depressants. I know it really helps some people with ADHD, but I think those are the only people Adderall should be helping.
So good to know I’m not the only one who has lost a few IQ points…as much as I’d love to have more kids, kind of scares me. Can’t afford to lose any more brain cells!
Yeah my brain is like a sieve now, lol.
This post piqued my interest, and I found reading through all of the comments above fascinating. I guess I am naive but I had no idea this was so rampant on college campuses. I definitely never heard anyone using adderol when I was in college, and it wasn’t THAT long ago.
But anyway, it just sounds like another example of our culture that always wants more, more, MORE! A magic fix that will make my life perfect? Sign me up! It reminds me of The Little Mermaid, when Ariel makes a deal with Ursula so she can grow legs and get her man. And we know what happened to her. Everyone wants an easy way out of their problems, but the enduring truth is that there is no easy way out–at least not one without consequences. Whatever you want in life takes hard work, not shortcuts. Thanks for the thought-provoking post.
Shaking head.
This is scary!
Its the new ‘junkie.’
One of the things I am super enjoying about my life is learning from my mistakes. Every time I mess something up, I learn a sweet lesson that makes me so much more creative in my life.
I imagine taking some pill would negate the beauty of learning those lessons.
Incidentally though, I get it. I get why people want to get drugged up.
But in spite of getting it, I still think it needs to be called what it is – drug addiction…
“I imagine taking some pill would negate the beauty of learning those lessons.” Excellent point and one of the most important ones made on this post.
As they say with everything else in the world: if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is. Tempting, yes. But since I have anxiety already, I can only imagine what this would do to me. Just because we can do things doesn’t mean that we should. We ought be able to use SOME good judgment about the effects of certain drugs on our bodies.
Timely post, Charlotte – I’m watching last night’s episode of Private Practice and it involved parents wanting their kid to be put on Adderall so he could get better grades, while the doctors didn’t think he needed it.
Here’s my two cents:
As over-diagnosed as it is, I believe 100% that my husband suffers from severe adult ADHD. When he could no longer occupy himself with sports due to multiple injuries, he started playing video games and eating all day. He gained 60 pounds in a year. He finally saw a psychiatrist who suggested he start taking lisdexamfetamine, which is like adderall but not. He and promptly lost 40 pounds and started working all the time and not sleeping much. He got tired of the cycle of highs and crashes and went off the medication and then gained 20 pounds back and now he’s thinking about going back on it. I’m definitlely leery of anyone taking anything they don’t need, but this stuff does work. I don’t know about the lack of side effects though, because of the high/crash cycle my husband exprienced. I’ve never been able to diet because of how bad I feel, and if adderall makes me feel bad I don’t think I could take it for long.
Ever seen the movie “Limitless”? This whole being-an-amazingly-efficient-human-being talk reminds me a lot of that movie. Is it smart? Depends how you look at it. Is it healthy? Probably not, because honestly, have they done tests on how it affects you years down the road? My guess is no. And my family and I are too wary of things that aren’t tested for longevity. Great post, lady, as usual 🙂
Thanks Kelsey! And no I haven’t seen it but y’all have made me really curious about it now!
When DB was going through his neuropysch I was half hoping he would get an Rx so I could have it. Seeing as he weighs about 70 lbs less than I do, I figured that would be a good dose for me. Enough to kill the brain fog, but not enough to make me loopy.
However, I probably would not like pills because I am always worried about the effects, also, if there was no change in DB’s behavior I would have some ‘splaining to do.
I actually have one friend who “borrows” her son’s Ritalin. Not cool on so many levels – glad you resisted that temptation;)
My old room mate took adderall to get skinny. It started out with her doing a bunch of coke and meth and losing bunch of weight. She was never fat. Just not model skinny so looking normal hot was just not ok and she was never up for going to the gym. So then she discovered Adderall and she found out it was a mix of amphetamines. She found a doctor (who has since lost his license) who prescribed it for her. It got and kept her really skinny but, also made her lash out and it was definitely affecting her mind negatively. I had to end the friendship when she got too out of control. What kind of friend am I? I just couldn’t take the abuse. I think it’s an incredibly bad idea to take amphetamines recreationally.
I’m a huge tv watcher and they had a thing about this on Desperate Housewives a few years ago. I remember wondering if people really did this or if it was just part of the show biz world. I really don’t agree with your friend’s comment about it making her more…her. On the contrary it makes her more, not human. Having your off days are part of being you. Nobody is perfect and people trying to be perfect is really messing with society. I’ve actually had to go to therapy over feeling like I always had to be perfect (I grew up in a really messed up house) and honestly, I feel like showing my girls you don’t have to be perfect 100% of the time is one of the best lessons I can teach them. People are confusing giving 110% with being perfect. It just means trying your best that day. If you’re under the weather than your best that day is not your best on your best day and people should understand that this is okay. It’s human. I’ve ranted to the point I feel like I’ve stopped making sense lol.
I am a family doctor who spends some of my time at a university student health center. Because there is so much abuse we had to make a policy that we would not do any new diagnosis of ADHD – students who think they might have it are referred to psychiatry/neuropsychology testing, and /or they must get us records with an evaluation (fairly recent) and documentation of past prescription. Most of my colleagues and I (we are at a teaching institution/academic medical center) are pretty strict. In our group practice (outside of the student health center) we have a controlled substance contract (also for chronic narcotic pain meds) and do not prescribe more than 30 days supply at a time. I agree that for people who are correctly diagnosed with ADHD/ADD it can be appropriate and helpful, but it was/is definitely overprescribed.
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Great post. This is a hot-button for me because my mother recently was ‘diagnosed’ ADHD by her psych. I’d like to evaluate her Dr to see if his head is screwed on straight. My mother is a lot of things, but having grown up with her, I don’t believe ADHD is one of them. She’s now more ‘out there’ and unfocused than ever. Crazy. And she’s now less than a size 0. And yes,I’m jealous. I feel like my issues with disordered eating were very connected to my Mom’s eating disorders. And I can’t help but think her main MOis to be thin. I think some doctors over-prescribe.
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the people who say adderall doesn’t help and you actually lose focus dont have a clue what they’re talking about. it’s amazing. and you still learn everything and remember it all when your off adderall. It makes you so motivated, as long as you dont get carried away. It makes you reach 100 percent potential.
Everyone saying that their glad they do not take adderall because they want to feel like themselves and human obviously has never taken adderall or know what it feels like. You all probably read online what it is and now think your a doctor. You do not feel superhuman and just do everything with no effort. If anything it is 10 times harder to be on adderall then not to be. But for those of us who are motivated to begin with to live a better life than adderall helps us do that. If most of you took adderall you would all probably still be lazy, overweight, and unproductive human beings.
First of all, I love the way you run your blog, responding with your honest opinion, and acknowledging others thoughts, whether agreeing or disagreeing, without criticizing others negatively – and there are some GREAT thoughts and responses to this post! I came upon this article after seeing (today’s?) NY Times article about giving kids adderall (and I mean CHILDREN, not college kids) to improve their performance in school.
Here’s my thoughts on it. So many people take the easy -but not as good- route when it comes to drugs for all kinds of things. High cholesterol? By God, don’t drastically change your eating habits – take Lipitor! Sniffles? Demand antibiotics from your doctor (even though its most likely viral and not bacteriological.) this is the same thinking. Don’t treat the problem (bad parenting – whether by choice, lack of caring, or situation – like a single dad working 80 hours a week for example, is, I believe, the main cause of kids performing poorly in school), treat the symptom, with profitable drugs!
Yes, it seems to work, but as others have said here, you’re missing out on the struggle and overcoming the struggle, and thus not “growing” from fighting through your battles. Cramming for the test the night before with ease thanks to Adderall…I crammed many times – paid the price struggling through sleepiness, correcting linnes in the paper where my half-awake dream put nonsense in, etc. The challenge made me stronger.
For those who think amphetamines are a great means to weight loss – sure, they are, but the woman who posted about getting up at 5am to exercise, well, you’re healthy – they’re just skinbags. Guess who will still probably be fit in 10-20 years while their bodies are falling apart? Yep, YOU! You’re giving yourself a huge advantage for the long-term.
The whole thing reeks of darkside to me. The easy way is rarely the best way.
Yes, I have experienced something close to this scenario.
I can tell you that from my personal experience that when the “honeymoon phase” is over (It was about 6 months for me), all of the benefits I was receiving from the Adderall actually were reduced to levels far below what I was operating at before starting my script. I was “chasing the purple dragon”, so to speak. I could no longer get that initial surge of energy, tranquility, and focus after taking the capsules. A typical morning (at my 8 month mark of taking Add.) would now consist of me barely getting out of bed, knowing a few “happy pills” were waiting for me in the medicine cabinet; this being the only motivation to start the day. After taking a few and a cup of coffee, I finally would feel normal. Then after 2pm the anxiety, low blood sugar feeling, depression, despair and all around feeling of ass would set in. I rode in this rutt for about 2 more months before I decided to quit the drug.
At first, it wasn’t pretty. I was irritable, anxious, constantly craving Adderall. But as the weeks rolled by, I began replacing the need for the “hit” I was getting from adderall with other things. I started running again, (floods the brain with neurotransmitters), working out, became more sociable. Granted, my schoolwork was a little more difficult, but after kicking my brain in the butt and fighting through the confusion, I returned back to peak mental status. The plasticity of the brain allows it to cope with some pretty unimaginable demands, as long as you continually keep it active and challenge your mind. It will re-wire itself, it just takes work- Much like building up your muscles by lifting weights- Provide external stimuli, and the tissue will adapt to handle it.
Adderall seems like the magic cure to all of the little things that we blame our failures and shortcomings on. That is a lie. It is a crutch, and it will consume you, decrease mental ability in the long run, distance you from your loved ones and associates, and leave you with days filled with no peace, not even for one minute.
Proper nutrition, stimulating the body and mind through exercise and intellectual activity are great ways to open your eyes to how you do not need the drug when you decide to quit.
I understand how easy it is to justify this synthetic stimulant’s use with an ADD diagnosis. Let me tell you something- 300 years ago when your ancestors with most of your traits and DNA had “ADD”, it was a survival skill. It allowed and individual to multi-task while working in the fields, and remaining on the lookout for a native who was approaching to shoot an arrow at their chest. In much more of mankind’s past than not, we were outdoors and in nature amongst predators and enemies. And we still had tasks to accomplish. They should call “ADD” “ASS” (Acute Survival Skill).
Don’t ever let some M.D. taking a cut from Pharma tell you have a DISORDER. A few hundred years ago (and hell, maybe in another 20 if our country keeps at the rate we are going), that ‘Disorder’ is what would have kept you alive (or will). So the next time you get frustrated while filing some paperwork and it’s not the most exciting thing you have ever done in life because you are jacked-up on amphetamines, remember: It is written in your genetic code that you are not supposed to be docile and passive while chained to a desk. You are meant to have your sympathetic nervous system stimulated by adrenaline inducing activity (exercise, adventure, being practical for our civilized world).
Get your ass away from the desk and go hiking, biking, or smoke yourself with some weights. Let your genes express themselves as nature intended. Don’t put a synthetic chemical into your body because you can’t act like the guy who would have been mauled by a predator or enemy in our race’s very near past. Your DNA is way cooler than his. Learn to use the way you are wired to your advantage.
Awesome comment. 🙂
I’ve actually recently tried it a few times, and my overall impression was not so good. Yeah, I had more energy, and less appetite, and stayed more focused, but even so, I wouldn’t want to use it very often. It felt like a spot-light was shining in my brain, all day, and wouldn’t stop–no nuance, no whimsy, no daydreams–really, yuck. I would rather be creative than “productive” but, at least for me, it seems like I can only have it one way or the other…. Not to mention it made me sweaty and sniffly with a racing heart, also not so pleasant. (For the record, I don’t have ADD…just curiosity of the kind that killed the cat and the willingness to use my own brain as a chemistry set, which I don’t recommend, either.)
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I wish I could afford Adderall or Lipitor and had the willpower to get an eating disorder. Is this politically incorrect? Instead, I’m shaped like the Pokemon, Jigglypuff, but with no energy. I want to be Perfect, but this is denied to folks with lower incomes unless we sell all our possessions and go on Obamacare / Medicaid.
Rather than questioning this state, the Botoxed, Stepford, plastic surgeried state is something I’m seeking to achieve. I just want to burn twice as bright for half as long, like the replicant Roy Batty from Blade Runner. What happens in the future is in the future. It’s about living in the present, you know what I’m saying?
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Not sure how to start here, but do not take Adderall unless you have a medical need/ diagnoses for it. The side effects are no fun, and they will eventual show up. Maybe not in the initial weeks or months, but they will. It is common to buy pills on college campuses but also for parents to steal their children’s pills! Sad but true. I don’t want to be all negative, but there are enough stories online to read about people getting addicted. It was NEVER their intention to get addicted, never considered it would happen to them. But it can. Go get some help if you are in this situation, do not suffer silently. Find a doctor that deals with withdrawal symptoms and explain to friends and family what you are going through. They will be more understanding and supportive if they know and maybe need to learn about what you are going through. In our family we used Adderall Support Group Good luck to those needing help, and those of you on the fence…just don’t even start. Unless you are diagnosed having ADD/ADHD, because then you need it just to have some quality of life.