I like strong butts and I cannot lie! You other squatters can’t deny! That when a girl lunges deep with a really heavy weight and a round thing in your face you get… jealous of her mad pistol squat skillz which are apparently much stronger than her rhyming ability. (Can’t have it all!) These past few days in the gym have been all about our butts: specifically how much we can make them hurt.
It started out with this highly awkward gym moment. There I was doing my pistol squats when I hear a voice behind me… What do you say to that? “Well turn around so we can compare!”? “Well I have worked really hard on it so thanks for checking out my butt*”? And what a day to wear my black capris that go nearly transparent when they are stretched, especially as I was facing the wall so my butt was pointed at the whole gym. Yes, even the germies on the gym floor were checking out my arse. (And if you’ve forgotten what it looks like in non-cartoon form, you may remember that the only time I have graced the homepage of Shape.com was… with my butt.) Honestly I wasn’t sure how to reply to that compliment.
Then we moved on to our T-Tapp Experiment (results coming at you on Monday!!) and in my quest to try all the workouts available brought in Teresa’s “Diva Derriere” workout. You must try this. Seriously. Do it now.
It started off all fun and games and Yo Mama jokes. It’s deceptively short. There are only 4 moves and no weights. How hard could it be??
Really really hard. I laughed so hard because I was in so much pain and the only alternative was crying. And I might have done a little of that too. It was like someone stuck a red hot poker in my butt cheek. (And yes, Gym Buddy Allison pointed out to me that I draw my hair like pubes. I like it that way.)
All the Gym Buddies (except Beth) were freaking out from the pain. Teresa tells you in the workout that if it hurts to try spanking yourself. We found that spanking wasn’t enough. Punching ourselves in the butt cheek did help some. Counting faster helped more. (Also, my paint program freaked out on this picture and I have no idea why but I wasn’t about to redraw it so now it looks like we’re all in the throes of grand mal seizures, which isn’t too far off the mark actually.)
By the time we’d finished our butt muscles were in a permanent clench. So what do we do next? We find every friend we can and then force them to do this workout with us just so we can laugh at their pain. “This hurts soooo bad, you totally have to try it,” is exactly what you want to hear at the gym, right? (Thank you Jenn, Jeni, Beth, Jess, Megan, Krista and Allison for being such good sports!) I can only imagine what the other people at our Y think of this one…
Are you going to try Teresa’s Diva Derriere workout? (Tip: If you feel it more in your quad than your butt bend your legs more with your knees closer to your chest.) Have you ever done a workout that you were sure was going to be a piece of cake and then wasn’t? Have you ever got a really awkward compliment you didn’t know how to respond to?
*After I wrote this, I had a panic wondering if all of you are going to think I’m bragging about my butt. I’m not – I know it’s not like supermodel or anything but I do happen to really like it. How weird is it that I’m way more comfortable saying I don’t like my thighs than I am saying that I love my butt? Well now I’ve said it. I love my butt. I can’t believe I just wrote that on the Internet.
That one will have to wait until my brain is awake enough to memorize 4 pages of instructions. (I don’t suppose there’s a video of this somewhere. No? I’ve got an idea; YOU should make one!)
Yes! I totally tried the diva derriere workout last week! Holy mother of pain..
Yeah, Sir Mix-A-Lot was a classic!
Being in the horse world, a major difference between the Quarter horse, and the Arabian that I have is the QH has a much larger hind-quarters, read as butt! That’s why they are faster with HIIT and barrel racing, but my conservative derriered guy can run them into the ground over the long distance 🙂
You just earned blogger of the year – Baby Got Back, farting, spanking, and handdrawm pictures in one post? Win.
I’m so trying the Diva Derrierre workout today. As soon as I get back from the dentist. Seems a good time to do it, no?
LOL! That TOTALLY describes the first (and 20th) time I did Diva Derrier. But now I, too, can say I love my Butt!
You should do more of them cartoons! I could do that for my own blog.
How long does the pain last? Can you sit on your butt working at a computer after that? If not, I’m not going to try the Diva Derriere..
Oh yeah, you can totally sit on it afterwords. Once you figure out a good way to stretch that muscle that you just contracted into the size of a marble, you’ll be just fine!!!
Wow, I suspect I could really use a pain-in-the-ass workout like that, but it sounds too scary!
I have a noticeable (to me) asymmetry between right and left sides–right side is all saggy, left side much more presentable. My strategy for dealing with it is… to work out the right side more? Ha! Nah, it’s to make sure when I look in the mirror sideways it’s always with the good side visible.
Kudos to you for acquiring and appreciating a nice butt!
Go on with that butt love!
I’m just going to be brutally honest here. I will NOT try the Diva Derriere workout. I thought about it, then realized that, no, it’s just not gonna happen over here. Because I am a wuss. I could say it’s also because I’m currently teaching 6 Pilates and 2 drama classes a week and need my mobility.
But really it’s because I am a wuss.
And I LOVE your illustrations!!!!!!
ROFLMAO—and no, I don’t want that “ass off” taken literally. But seriously, if it hurts YOU, the queen of exercise to do this workout, I can’t imagine what it would do to me, the computer slug.
I wonder how different it will be ( I will try it), Those moves look like a lot of other exercise things I’ve done. I’m thinking it is the obsessiveness of form that will make the difference? I don’t care about the pain, my butt is always sore lately from Romanian Dl’s and pistol squats.
Yeah, it’s the form. Those little tweaks make it a bit different.
You got me on this one. How can I NOT try this workout after all that laughing, crying, spanking . . . Bring it on.
Love it!
And your arse is pretty spectacular.
What?
It’s TRUE.
Ha ha…I forgot how painful (butt effective) that workout can be. You’ve brought it all ‘back’!! (-;
LOL!!!!
Oh my goodness. You would think your description would have me running away. But NO…I so want to try that workout.
if it makes you feel better my butt was probably one of the first parts of myself I felt comfortable saying I liked… I think it’s MORE than acceptable to say you like a part of your body 🙂
That workout though… has me scared. Hahaha
Yup yup yup! DD is one of the exercises where I am yelling at Teresa and moaning and groaning. Have you done Awesome Legs yet? That is another deceptive killer. Actually, all of T’s moves are! I can’t wait to hear of your results!
Wow!! I think my butt is broken! I’ll be honest- I had to take some breaks! (even despite her warnings- at the point the burning was worse than the cramping!). Thank you sooo much for posting this- it’s something I can do even with bum (haha) knees, hips, ankles and feet!
At the risk of self-inflicting what sounds like excruciating pain, I’ll check out the links to your exercises. Too bad I can’t literally ROF while LM*O. That would be so much easier–but maybe not as much fun?
YAY! The germs are back 🙂 Lunch and a show indeed, that little germ-ey was correct. As an aside, my fear/neurosis of catching gym-MRSA is alive and well, and I feel like if I think of MRSA as these little germies, I won’t be so afraid? Maybe?
1- if you have a great butt, I say own it. Especially since you a) worked so hard , and b) tend to only see many of your own flaws. I’m all for recognizing what you have that is great. I for one, have fantabulous skin. Yeah. That’s right, my skin is perfect, I would not trade it with anyone. I work hard to keep it perfect, but, whatevs, it’s worth it.
2- I’m intrigued by this workout, and very much looking forward to Monday’s review. Very much. I’m still skeptical, but less so. If you say it’s hard, it really must be.
DD rocks!
Well, T-Tapp, in general, rocks.
DD kicks your butt back where it belongs.
I’ve done it many times. I hate it! Such a killer move…
LOVE the “pics” in this post – you are too friggin funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just goes to show you that moves from when I was young still work as good if not better than some of the new fangled stuff! 😉
I checked out the workout. Yes, it creates pain, but does that equal strength/toning or benefit? I have asked many people if DOMS is related to muscle gain, and from the research we have now, it does not. I’m saying this to put this workout down, I just wonder if we are pursuing the wrong things. I am doing the NROL4W, and am lifting heavier weight than I ever thought possible, yet am seldom sore the next day. I can also now do the split jumps all the way through without stopping, and a similar burning pain used to always stop me. I think I will add this workout in my routine to see if there is improvement in tone and ease of getting through it. My last question, since you are laying on your side, is it your glutes you are working, or the external abducters (I think that’s their name, I’m too lazy to go look it up.)?
In any case, I really don’t care, it was worth it for the entertainment value of that post.
All very interesting questions! First, I agree with you that soreness is not necessarily the measure of a good workout. But the strange thing is, is that while this created a lot of pain in the moment, none of us were sore the next day. Not sure what that means. For me a lot of soreness/pain can be linked to my sleep, nutrition and (infuriating) girly hormone cycles. As for your last q – I’d say it’s the glutes and not the external adductors.
Glad you were entertained!
I so want to try this, but fear my neighbors may think I’ve completely gone insane. Heck with it, I’m trying it. THey probably thing I’m crazy already.
This is just what I need to get back to the gym after a very lazy long weekend, thanks. Also, butt love should always be embraced ^_^ Love yourself!
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This has go to be one of The Funniest Posts Ever. I love it.
To answer you question: planks and side planks.
Will I try this?
OH HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!
I want weird awkward butt compliments, too. Ain’t gonna get it just sitting on it.
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I am surprised why this accident did not came about in advance!
I bookmarked it.