See – she’s fine now! Check out that core strength!! Compare Jelly Bean’s fab plank to this woman’s – this has got to be the worst “fitness” photo I’ve ever seen! (And no comment about the two binkies. We’re working on it!) I love her one boot/one plaid sandal combo. She cracks me up every single day.
“Huh, we never really figured out what happened with that blip,” the doctor said lightly as she traced her finger over Jelly Bean’s growth chart at her recent 2-year checkup. She didn’t even notice my uncomfortable fidgeting as she continued, “Ah well, no matter. She’s all caught up now.” By the time we got Jelly Bean’s shots – little sweetie was such a trouper, didn’t make a peep – and got out to the car I was so overcome I had to call my sister to talk me down before I could drive home. Attack of the mother guilt! Hello, darkness my old friend…
That “blip” where Jelly Bean dropped from the chunky-monkey 86th percentile in which she was born down to the 20th percentile where she stayed for 9 months? My fault. Probably. I say this because after her well-baby checkup at 10 months where the doctor was very concerned that she’d lost half a pound between months 9 and 10, I finally gave up breast-feeding her and switched to formula. She bounced back up to the 80th percentile within two months. I wasn’t trying to starve my poor sweetheart but if you recall I had a hard time breastfeeding her. She had a milk protein intolerance and I was a vegetarian at the time so I ended up basically being a vegan. I’m not saying that vegans can’t make great breast milk but for me, combined with going back to heavy exercise a wee bit too early, it didn’t work. Plus you know I was really worried about losing the rest of my baby weight as fast as possible. Gym Buddy Krista, a doula, made me feel a little better when she told me that the growth charts are designed for fast-gaining formula-fed babies and not for exclusively breastfed infants.
Anyhow, I’m not trying to make excuses – I admitted then that the worst resurgences of my eating disorder (and also my anxiety disorder) happen after I have a baby, thank you hormone hell – but rather trying to explain my state of mind when Gym Buddy Daria, who six weeks ago gave birth to the cutest little boy ever, asked me to write a post about how to get your body back after pregnancy. I think she was a little startled when I immediately yelled “Don’t do what I did!”
Sadly I can’t write the post that she asked for. But I can write the post about what not to do to get your body back after having a baby.
Don’t jump back into exercise too soon. Sure you know this already but for those of us that really like our exercise – and especially those of us who rely on it to keep us mentally sane – the temptation is very real. I was back in the gym walking the track with Jelly Bean in a carrier when she was a week old. I was back to kickboxing by four weeks and full workouts by six weeks. If you remember, my first Great Fitness Experiment after Jelly Bean was born was P90X in January. She was born in November. Not smart. If I had it to do over again I would start with something more gentle like walking and yoga and work up to more hardcore workouts over time. You can work out every day if it feels good but don’t push it past the feeling good stage.
Don’t do ab exercises until your stomach is totally healed. Part of P90X is a workout called “The Ab Ripper.” It’s a great core strengthener but unfortunately I still had my diastasis (the separation between the ab muscles that many women get during pregnancy) and so it literally ripped my abs apart. The problem showed up in my left hip flexor which had taken over for my ineffective abs. Eventually it became so painful that I couldn’t lift my leg to put it into my pants without using my hands. I thought that the pain would go away eventually on its own but it didn’t. Instead I ended up needing to quit all ab exercises for about 6 months until it healed. Thankfully I discovered the Tupler technique – a series of rehab exercises designed to heal a diastasis – which also helped a lot.
Don’t underestimate the effects of exhaustion. Everyone knows new babies don’t sleep much. Even the ones who are great sleepers still wake up before you do. (And that nonsense about “sleep when your baby sleeps” a) only works for your first kid and b) doesn’t really work at all unless you are a narcoleptic who can sleep on command. “And… drop!”) If you have the choice between exercise and sleep, choose sleep. Especially in those first few months.
Don’t have an all-or-nothing attitude. I am admittedly one of those people who fears that if I miss a single workout then it will become a habit and I’ll never make it back to the gym. This isn’t true. (And it also has the unfortunate corollary of making some people quit working out entirely because they think if they can’t workout every day then what’s the point?) Thankfully I’ve gotten much, much better about this over the past year.
Don’t cut calories. Unless you are under a doctor-ordered diet plan then just eat to your hunger. Some women lose weight effortlessly while breastfeeding. My body naturally likes to carry an extra 10 pounds as butterball backup when I’m nursing. Trying to lose those last 10 pounds before I wean is an exercise in futility, frustration and – most heartbreaking – growth chart blips.
Don’t compare yourself to other moms. Yes Dara Torres, Paula Radcliffe and some other moms like the woman who ran the Chicago marathon and then gave birth hours later will be able to pull off superhuman athletic feats with the umbilical cord still dangling between their legs. But they are not you. (They’re not me either.) If you can easily jump back into your old routines then that is wonderful but if you can’t – and for the record, most of us can’t – don’t feel bad.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. …says the girl who is right now being really hard on herself. Seriously though, if it’s one thing I’ve learned from having 5 kids it’s that there will always be something to feel guilty about. Whether it’s using jelly beans as a self-bribe to get up 10 times at night with the baby (true story: that and late-night infomercials was how I survived #3’s infancy) or buying new sweat pants so you can go another day without doing laundry, try and remember how short this time really is. “This too shall pass” is a gift, not a threat.
What to do
And since I didn’t do everything wrong – not even I’m that perfect! – here are a few tips of things that worked for me:
– Wear a belly wrap. Jelly Bean (my fifth) was the first kid that I used a wrap after their birth and I swear it really helped my organs realign (oh yes they move to weird places during pregnancy!), supported my back and, yes, helped my tummy get flat quicker.
– Find a great support system. I was so incredibly blessed to not only have 3 Gym Buddies (Megan, Allison and Daria) who had babies within just a few months of Jelly Bean but to also have my sister have a baby then. Having these other new moms around me was often the difference between sanity and the crisis line some days.
– Focus on quality of workouts, not quantity. This is not the time to get stuck in the endless cardio loop. If you have 15 minutes do a short-but-intense (and I mean “intense” for someone who has just had a baby, not your usual level of intensity) circuit that combines some strength and some cardio. You don’t even need to worry about weights if you don’t want to as your body weight alone will provide plenty of resistance. Repeat after me: more is not more.
Your advice
What would you guys tell Daria? Did you check out that worst fitness photo I linked to up top (sorry couldn’t embed it as it’s copyrighted) – what is that chick doing?!
I’ve never had a child.. and am not entirely certain I want a child (much less children), but the last few guys I’ve dated have all had dreams of a family, so I wonder if I would be swayed later on (and genuinely want to FOR them)… so I have a random, albeit related, question: how was it being pregnant with eating issues?
and I apologize for the (aside) that this question basically is.
I think (unfortunately) your genetics determine how fast you “recover” from pregnancy. My mom had her old body back after each birth within two weeks without doing anything.
I so hope it will be the same for me one day!!!
I think you definitely provide a lot of really good points her, Charlotte! I had never considered “not doing abs” and what it might mean if you do, do them. Not that I’ve ever had children, but “getting back in shape” is one of my fears if ever I do.
My advice is to not have unrealistic expectations on how quickly you’ll get your body back. If you are eating healthy and exercising, it will happen, but maybe not overnight. I was fit when I got pregnant, exercised all throughout my pregnancy and was down to the last ten lbs before I left the hospital. And those ten lbs stayed with me until I stopped breastfeeding over a year later. I was very frustrated at the time because I did everything *right*, but the weight stayed on. With my second pregnancy I put on the same amount of weight and had the same ten lbs stick with me, but this time I was expecting it and had cute transition clothes waiting for me until I was *my* size again.
After both pregnancies, I was walking around the neighborhood as soon as I left the hospital and was formerly exercising before the babes were a month old. Exercising made me feel like me again even if I didn’t look like my mental picture of myself. It was also a great thing to know I had an hour several times a week where my husband would watch the kids and I could have have peace and quiet. I had easy pregnancies and I felt comfortable jumping back into my prepregnancy fitness levels. I felt strong and healthy even if I was a size bigger.
And on the other side of anecdotes, my little sister has to fight to keep weight on while she’s breastfeeding. Both times she’s dipped well below her prepregnancy weight and looks unhealthy skinny while she eats everything in sight. She doesn’t get back up to her normal weight until she weans the child.
After having both my kids I would remind myself daily that it took me 9 months to put that weight on so losing it all in 2 months is unrealistic.
That said, I am going to print this to read in March after I give birth to the twins I am carrying right now. About 6 months before I accidentally wound up pregnant with these two I had, after 12+ years of doing well, a relapse with my eating issues. So I am having a hard time dealing with the weight gain in this pregnancy, telling myself that the minute they are out I am going to quit eating and exercise my guts out. Not healthy I know.
I SO appreciate this post, Charlotte, and I only wish I had read it before Little Brother was born. I had lost 50 pounds before getting pregnant with him, and I was devastated to gain 43 of them back. I re-joined Weight Watchers when he was just 17 days old, though it took me longer to get back to the gym due to some extreme healing that was necessary. Between his 2 month and 4 month appointments, he dropped from the 90+% to the 50th%. We panicked, of course, and rushed him to a specialist, but deep down, I’m sure it was just me, doing too much.
This time around, I’ve already vowed that things will be different. I will continue (and finally reach!) my weightloss goals when I’m ready. My biggest tip for Daria (and a reminder to myself) is that I need to listen to my body and my baby, and do things when *I’m* ready, not when other people expect me to.
Excellent advice!
Jelly Bean is healthy and happy, as are you. All is well!
I would add that, whatever you do, stay away from stories about pregnant/recently delivered celebs. I read one story about an actress who admitted she was doing crunches on the floor of her hospital room the day after she gave birth. Actually, “admitted” is the wrong word; she was BRAGGING. Yes, she lost the weight quickly, but who knows what kind of damage she did to herself.
And, oh yeah, she has a full staff of nannies, assistants, personal chefs, and trainers to help her.
Also, if you want to take a nap while the baby naps, do it! Some “experts” will tell you to forgo the nap and work out instead. Don’t listen to them.
Finally, remember that while you may not be doing your regular workouts or lifting as heavy as you used to, etc., you just grew a human being inside your body, and that’s pretty amazing!!!!!!!!
I love this – growing a baby IS a physical feat. Even marathons don’t take 9 months!!
Px
I’m not pregnant (nor have I ever been) but next year I’m taking steps towards specialising in pre-and post-natal exercise, so I am watching this post with hawk eyes! Charlotte your experience sounds like a trap I would fall into myself – did you find your getting back into the gym routine/attitude towards it was different following the births of each of your children? And how quickly did you feel back at your best in the gym (irrespective of weight loss)? Do you think jumping in too soon might actually slow you down overall in terms of getting back to peak fitness…. obviously letting the abs knit back together was a big yes, but for everything else?
The whole celebrity-regaining-baby-body thing is actually terrifying. As is that PICTURE, my god, I need to bookmark that NOW.
Px
From your comment about abdominal muscles, I think you had a cesarean? Although these are sometimes essential, a way to recover more quickly after birth is, if you have the choice, to choose a vaginal birth.
The reasons why cesarean rates are rising so quickly aren’t well understood, but this article discusses it a little.
http://www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10456
Charlotte has had 5 vaginal births and no cesareans. Pregnancy makes MAJOR chances to a woman’s body, and there is recovery involved with both kinds of birth.
Haha – TRUE! And I love that you know this about me. The separation in my ab muscles was a natural thing that happened from my expanding uterus (so said my doc anyhow) and apparently a lot of women get a diastisis, regardless of delivery choice.
My babies always are low on the charts, and the dr. gets worried, then when I stop breastfeeding, and they start eating more solids, they gain weight again. HOWEVER- even the baby that went on formula early had a bit of the weight dip, so I think it’s just what my babies do at that age.
Well you shouldn’t feel bad, what you did isn’t bad parenting or not caring. My mother smoked during both her pregnancies and my sister and I were born very small. She breastfed me only for 3 months and she was overall careless of me. When I was 3 years old she stopped taking care of me so I went to live with my grandmother… then she died when I was 12 and I went back to my mom. She would hit me if she was angry and even today she can be really cruel with me. So I left home.
I think you are a loving mom and that makes it up for the mistakes you might make.
And even though she smoked and all, I’m still healthy and I grew up well, so don’t torture yourself about the charts.
No advice from me; when I had my kids more than 20 years ago, my modus operandi was to do nothing but turn into a lazy blob for the next 15 years.
It’s obvious what that chick is doing in that photo: showing off her boobies! She sure as heck isn’t showing her impeccable plank form or well-muscled arms.
I’m in the same boat as Daria, sadly I didn’t have a vaginal child birth so it has taken a lot longer for me to heal. I have dropped all the baby weight I gained expect for 5lbs. I would say to take it easy no matter what! This is my first baby and I treasure the time we spend together. I walk with him around the house and the neighborhood. I dance when he is sleeping, I just returned to belly dancing. I plan on returning to running but I’m not going to push myself too hard to return to my 25:00 PR 5K speed. I don’t want to hurt myself and this time so short I don’t want to spend it all in the gym getting back to the shape I was in when my little guy means so much more to me and I can still be healthy and work out when him when he gets older.
I’d say just do what you can do, don’t over do it and do things you enjoy and when you baby gets older work out with them. By trying baby and mom work outs to make that time with your baby more special.
Oh my! That I’d one of the worst “fitness” photos ever! Ha ha!
Reaaly great advice. My advice would be SLEEP!!! Oh and not be to wait until you kid is 6 years old like I did to start exercising! Yeah I’m the girl who misses a workout and then think the whole week is shot to hell and then the next month. Thankfully I’ve gotten better about consistency. Over excercisers mystify me. I struggle to get in 3 workouts a week. 🙁
I got nothing since I have never had my own kids but I am sure you know your stuff!!! 🙂
I just had to say – Jelly Bean – SO FRIGGIN CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That other pic – UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Swear by the belly wrap. Really helped and knowing that it’s normal to carry a bit of extra weight around while breastfeeding. I thought it would all melt away, but that last 10 pounds went absolutely nowhere until we weaned.
That first pic – awful. Jelly Bean has much better form. 🙂
Jelly Bean is adorable! I’ve never had kids, so no advice from me…but that bit about ripping abdominal muscles makes me think of something I read in the autobiography of ballerina Allegra Kent. (“Once a Dancer”). She said that her abs were so tight that when she got pregnant they ripped apart even before she gave birth. Ouch! Hopefully that doesn’t happen to too many people!
Other than that, I think it’s kinda sad that people whose bodies have just undergone the astonishing experience of giving birth to new life feel pressure to look like post-partum celebrities a few weeks later. I know it’s a trite thing to say, but that is what I thought…. Although what the hey, it’s sad for the rest of us too…that non-stop cultural imperative to be perfect and look it too.
I would tell her to sleep a lot, get LOTS of water, especially if nursing and to enjoy the walking. The fresh air does a world of good. I remember I had PP strapped into the baby bjorn every day after her 1st week home and it always left me refreshed.
And although I lost the 30ish pounds I gained with each child relatively quickly, I am still waiting for everything to go back to where I left it.
Charlotte– what kind of belly wrap did you use? There seem to be eleven zillion kinds out there all with mixed reviews…. Thanks for the timely post too– my baby is due in about a month and I can definitely see myself getting overly crazy about getting back down to my normal size!
I have never had kids so this is a mystery to me. There are a few ladies in my class who are VERY pregnant and I admit it makes me push a bit harder, just so I don’t get beat by the pregnant lady, but I wonder how they’ll be after the birth. I know after having finally gotten healthy and lost weight I would find it very hard to gain a lot of it back with a baby, but I hope I’d be able to roll with it Some people just bounce back faster than others, and I am very curious to know how I’d be. I’d want to be healthy and leave it at that…it must be so tricky trying to do everything new, and try and be like you were when you aren’t…all with crazy hormones added in for good measure.
I think I’ll stick to my cats for now 🙂
You know I’m bookmarking this blog for 8 weeks from now, right? I can totally see myself wanting to jump right back into my gym routine – although I don’t think I’ll be tempted to do so for at least a few weeks. One key lesson infertility taught me was that even if I take a month off from the gym, nothing catastrophic – or even kinda bad – happens. My body knows where it wants to be and my years of dedication in the gym have paid off. I had to go 8 weeks with zero activity back in March/April – not even walking fast to catch a bus – and nothing changed…except I worried about my body image even less than when I workout every day. Lesson learned.
I have not ever had a baby, so I can not really say anything. However, my thoughts when reading this post are about the celebs and models who have had kids. How many of them 2 weeks out are walking the catwalk or modeling bikinis, is this really healthy for them, other moms and most importantly to me, their babies? I do not understand why after having a baby you have to be back in pre-baby body two weeks later. You just carried a baby for nine months!!!! How can we expect our bodies to “go back” that quickly? I know you can do it very healthy, and lose the weight, but isn’t the more important thing being a mom, breastfeeding and enjoying the gift God blessed you with? I am not saying do not ever try to lose the weight and be healthy, look good. However, if you are eating right, breastfeeding and exercising, you will get your body back. It does not have to be in two weeks or even six.
I forgot, I LOVE Jelly Beans plank!!! Wow! Start them young with enjoying exercise, proper exercise, and they will continue with it.
Thank you so much for this; it’s what I needed to hear. I’m pregnant right now and freaking out a bit about getting back to (or close enough to) pre-baby shape.
Your advice helps so much.
It’s really hard to get back in shape after a pregnancy. I agree that we need not go into much stress to get back to the shape we want to be. Thanks for sharing the info. Looking forward to reading more from you.
I have a very obsessive all or nothing personality as well. I maintained (dare I say, improved) my fitness level throughout my pregnancy last year and was itching to run again, barely more than a week after I gave birth. Despite my commitment, it still took me about 7-9mo to be satisfied with how I looked.
I agree that core support is absolutely necessary (you may even want to have a chiropractor’s number at the ready), and to not push yourself too much. And listen to your body when it comes to the sleep-or-workout dilemma. If breastfeeding, “diets” should focus on eating more healthfully, not less. Last and most importantly, know that it takes time. There is a statistically insignificant percentage (there’s no science behind that statement, I just like to sound smart) of genetically blessed women with bodies that “bounce” anywhere, let alone back to fitness specimen aesthetics in weeks. It’ll likely take months. And that’s fine.
1.You can’t lose weight if you aren’t sleeping–I tried, it doesn’t work. So just don’t worry about it until sleep improves.
2.Don’t eat a bunch of junk because of the sleep deprivation. Pick a healthy eating plan and stick to it like a life preserver. I gained all my weight after the baby was born due to sleep deprivation induced carb loading.
3.Every time you change a diaper, do 10 squats.
4.Look for fast, quick work outs. 20 minutes top. Which makes interval training ideal for moms. Being a mom = a whole new way of working out, time is not the same, your body is not the same, so the work outs have to bee different too.
M
This post was so interesting to me. I have never had kids, nor do I want to at the moment, but I have often wondered what a post-pregnancy woman goes through to get back into shape. I know my mother was one of those women who almost naturally just gets back to her original weight (most likely from breast-feeding) and didn’t have to do any sort of exercise regimen, whereas my cousins kept so much of their baby weight from multiple pregnancies that they barely look like their original selves. It definitely seems like to each her own, just because of body types, genes, and personal exercise preferences. But all of your advice is really amazing and definitely something I hope to be able to track down if I ever do decide to have kids. Have you finally been able to get to the point where you are not being too hard on yourself? I hope so, because every mother has to figure out what is right for herself, and often it is mostly on her own, so keep up the learning and growing!
Aw, thank you for this comment!!! Yes, in the 2.5 years since my baby was born I’ve come a LONG way in learning to accept and love my body for what it is and does, not just what it looks like. I think I am a lot kinder to myself now:) Good luck with everything!
I loved this article! I’m still having trouble losing weight. My youngest of 6 is 4 months old, andmy oldest is 8. 6 pregnancies in eight years is really rough on the body, but besides that there’s the ‘mom’ issue of having no time because besides the baby I have 2 yr old and 3 yr old that still aren’t independant yet. ‘Me time’ is nonexistant. I would looooooove to get to the gym a few times a week, but that’s not happening, so I’m doing what I can at home! I’m about 10 lbs away from pre-baby weight, but like yours mine seems to be sticking determinedly to my belly, hips, and thighs. Sometimes all we can do is keep pushing through each day, and pray that time+healthy diet will eventually make the extra weight come off!