This will be my next option. As I get older I’ll just call it Bride of Frankenstein.
Weight lifting builds bone density. Weight lifting increases strength and power. Weight lifting burns fat all day long. Weight lifting makes you look tougher than Chuck Norris at Comic Con. Oh sure, everyone always talks about the benefits of strength training but there is a dark side no one ever talks about. No, literally, a dark side. Namely, in my pits. Because I have very dark hair and very light skin, see. For those of you not similarly cursed (it’s not a bug, it’s a feature?), let me explain:
This is me in the shower after my workout. You will notice I am wearing a bathing suit for modesty. I do not wear a bathing suit in the shower at home but if I’ve learned anything from Ashton Kutcher it’s that I can’t have nudie pics of me floating around on the Internet or I’ll never get to inherit Demi Moore’s creepy doll collection, right? But my shower curtain really is transparent. Anyhow, here I am showering blissfully, trying to wash off all the germs from the gym. Well as blissfully as one can with a) the door ALWAYS open (Children have a strong aversion to shut doors – they assume candy is being consumed. They may not be wrong.) and b) a peanut gallery. Jelly Bean is obsessed with bathing and so she must stand and s-t-a-r-e at me the whole time I shower. Eh, you get used to it.
Jelly Bean is also obsessed with toileting. She sees the water streaming down my legs and assumes I have wet myself. Again, she may not be wrong. Notice that I have no hair. My hair is so fine that anytime it gets wet it pastes itself to my skull and I look exactly like Ralph Nader.
And Jelly Bean is also obsessed with soap (two-year-olds are obsessed with being obsessed). I have to hide all the soap from her or she’ll “wash haaaans” until it’s all gone. Now she thinks I’m peeing bubbles which would be a neat trick if I could pull it off.
She calls herself “Nay Nay” which I find utterly adorable… until I realize that she has taken her diaper off and made “pee bubbles” on the floor. Sigh. But I can’t get out and clean it up because I still have to shave all the real estate between my chin and my toes. (Aw heck sometimes I shave my toes too). I tell her to look away. Me shaving my pits is not a pretty site. First, this is what a normal person’s armpit looks like:
And this is what my CrossFit honed, P90X toned, Bodyrock zoned pits look like:
I might as well be trying to clear the Rocky Mountain national forest with a push mower.
No matter how I contort my arm and tug on my armpit skin, this is what inevitably happens:
The razor does some damage but still leaves me with Yellowstone 10 years after the fire. And always at least one realllly long rogue hair that defies any cutting method. Sometimes there’s blood. Eventually I call it good enough and give up. At this point I have two options: embrace my body for the hirsute loveliness it is or wear a smoking jacket to the gym.
You can guess which one I go with. I’m pretty sure all my fellow gym-goers are making a fund for my laser hair removal as we speak. (Note: any company that wants to give me free laser hair removal – I will blog the everloving heck out it! I’ll even draw really ugly pictures of you!!) And because I know you’re curious – here’s the unedited real deal:
You see what I’m up against?! Anyone else find an unexpected downside of their exercise routine? Any pit-shaving tricks to share with me?? What’s your shower routine like?
I was dealing with the same underarm shaving thing.. I would get razor burn no matter what I tried to shave with and the stubble would chafe during lifting, aerobics, whatever So, my hubby surprised me on my birthday with an appointment for a laser hair consult. It’s been 2 years now, laser hair treatments are done, and it was the best move ever! Seriously. I hope you get someone to sponsor you for that or find a really good groupon for it. So worth the pain.
Ooh groupon! Good idea!!!
Yay, the germies are back! I do love those little germies. Though, I’ll admit, Jelly Bean’s illustrated version of the high pony is pretty cute, with exactly four pieces of hair sticking straight out of the top of her head.
The biggest downside to my exercise routine is the increase in laundry. I hate laundry, and I rash up if I wear my gym clothes more than once….and with the limiting factor of only 4 sports bras, I need to wash my gym clothes once during the middle of the week.
I want laser hair treatment, but I’m not sure how well it would work on my skin/hair combo (I hear higher contrast skin/hair is best). So…waxing it is? Meh.
Oh my goodness, the laundry!! I totally, totally hear you on that!! It’s double since I started going to the gym a year ago!
Totally agree on the laundry! I have to do an entire separate load every week of just my gym crap!
Also, interesting tidbit- the city in Austria where I studied is the town like 2km away from where Ah-nold was born. There were a lot of men that sort of looked like him, which was not really a selling feature…
Hahaha – I love it!
haha, shaving is the pits! 😉 I shave my underarms daily. Have you tried one of those deodorants that is supposed to help stop growth? I think Dove makes one. . . http://www.dove.us/Products/Deodorant/Clinical-Protection/Dove-Clinical-Protection-Visibly-Smooth-Wild-Rose.aspx
Give that a try! Maybe it will help a bit?
Like another commenter above, the laundry sucks. Another huge downside of working out for me is wearing the wrong sports bra when you run (cuz the better ones are in the wash) and getting bra rash (like rug burn under the boobs from the rubbing of the seams). Not sure if that’s the “technical” term for it or not, but that’s what I call it. Also, I don’t get sweaty crotch like you and your friends, I get the sweaty under-boobs line. It’s like, really?!
No crotch sweat?! You lucky girl!!! And we get “swoobs” (sweaty boobs) too:) “Rug burn under the boobs” – I shouldn’t laugh ’cause I know how much that hurts but that’s hilarious!
Awww, muffin…
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who goes through this. I thought I just had abnormal armpits. That’s why I like your posts, you write about stuff that other people are afraid of =) (I learned about weight lifting gloves from you, and I’m so grateful for that. I love having muscles, but I want wimpy soft non-calloused girly girl desk job hands.)
I just wear sleeves and keep the really good shaving for special occasions like going to the beach or wearing evening gowns. I’m scared of constant shaving making my pits hard and scaly. I know some wax…nuh uh, for some reason I’m extra sensitive about the pits. Maybe because they’re the tickly areas. Maybe I just want some troll hair to prevent tickle monsters from attacking me. Yea…I’ll go with that.
The only things that annoy me about exercise are what people roll their eyes and say I’m braggin, when I really find it annoying:
1. I miss the butt-padding. Really, cushion on the tushin’ is a good thing, and no one warns you that you’ll want to have padded seats once you lose the fat.
2. You’re promised to lose boob fat when you lose weight. It’s genetics, it doesn’t always happen. Blergh.
Ooh you are right to avoid pit waxing! I’ve done it and it was AWFUL. And also, didn’t work that great. Waxing works better I think on flat planes. And it sounds like we have the opposite problem – I kept my butt padding and lost all my boobs!
Ditto with the laundry…and after starting hot yoga it’s even worse…and very funky.
I just got an awesome Living Social deal for laser hair removal, something like 75% off. Best Deal EVER! Highly recommended!
Thanks for the tip – I will totally be checking out those sites now for it!!!
I thought I was the only one who had this issue!
Your pictures are really hilarious! I also have one mold in my pits where it is impossible to shave. Thank God I am naturally blond!
It’s the one time in my life I really wish I’d been born blond…
Laser hair removal is AMAZING. But be warned… it hurts like CRAZY. And you can smell the hair burning. I got through it by just focusing on the fact that I was killing all my hairs.
I had no idea! Thanks for the tip!
I’ve also had laser hair removal and I loved it! I didn’t find it hurt too badly… in most areas lol. I guess my armpits weren’t all that bad compared to my bikini line tho 😛 If you need you can always buy a topical anesthetic, they’re definitely worth it if it’s too painful. And I didn’t smell anything burning. It was definitely worth the money!
IPL is a bit cheaper than laser – maybe check that out?
I totally have this problem, but for some reason it doesn’t bother me. I just shave whatever bits the razor hits and get on with it. Maybe I should be paranoid (I have pale skin and red hair after all, it probably looks hideous to others to see a rogue, long red hair!), but I just go with it.
For me, the biggest downside of my exercise routine is the amount of time I spend reading up on fitness stuff and tweaking my routine! I end up wasting so much time that way, and often hopelessly confused because I read too much. Though I suppose that’s not an unexpected downside. It’s what we Type A’s do!
“I end up wasting so much time that way, and often hopelessly confused because I read too much.” I do this exact same thing too!!! (I know, you’re so surprised…) 😉
My pits get 5-o’clock shadow by noon, but I guess I should start being grateful for the fact that with a good backward stretch I have a nice, flat area to mow.
Ah I hear you on the 5-o’clock shadow! I’ll try some backward stretching lol
Too funny. I also have light skin and dark armpit hair and so agree that getting all that out is sooooo hard! I try my best but if there is a little “5 o’clock shadow” then so be it. It is doubly hard that I teach yoga for a living and everyone SEE’S my armpits. Yoga teachers can be au natural right? We are supposed to be earthy! 🙂
Laundry is also the bane of my existance. It never ends and some yoga wear (read lululemon) has to be washed on its own.
I want to be friends with your cartoons, as they look fun.
Anyway, I’m lucky in that I’m not particularly hairy, but I am thin, which means that shaving can be compared to scaling a craggy mountain at times. Lucky for me, I have no significant other to comment about my shaving habits (upside to spinsterhood!) but it’s still a pain in the butt…or around that region. The leaner you are, the more treacherous it is. Such is the price of fitness–or hairiness.
Side note: I dated a body builder for six years (he was actually attractive and not one of the lumpy creepy ones that wears a fanny pack and hammer pants.) He had to shave his legs, and given his musculature, it was a laborious process. Why would men go through that voluntarily? He doesn’t anymore, but still. Weirdo.
I knew something is happening in my after when I try to train for the push ups! I thought it’s just muscle tightness but it’s obviously just my muscles growing. Some day I’m going to have Rocky Mountains there like you.
My neices have handgoblins they need to wash away after meal. Jelly Bean doesn’t need that kind of incentives? :-9
I have not noticed abnormal hair growth since lifting weights. Lucky me, I guess. I actually won free laser hair removal for one area of my body once but didn’t even use the offer. Too bad I can’t give it to you. Your daughter makes me laugh. I am the mean type of mom who locks the bathroom door and my shower time is my only peaceful time of day.
I’m seriously dying over here. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. You just made my morning.
Yes! This why I shave once a week! And one reason why I like winter!
Love the illustrations, they make funny absolutely hilarious!
Oh, and due to a rotator cuff injury years ago, I find shaving in front of a mirror MUCH easier! I hang one from the towel bar in the shower using a couple of those shower curtain rings that clip closed. It’s that or have my handsome hubby come in and do it for me 😉
I second (third? fourth?) the laser hair removal. I’m getting it on my hoo-ha now and it’s worth it…except for the excruciating pain. Not sure if they do this at all laser places, but what really helps is putting lidocain (numbing cream) on 15 minutes before the procedure. You can get 4% at specialty beauty stores in the waxing aisle. And the place I go to has 10%! I’m going in early for my next appointment so my crotch can marinate in it until I can’t even feel myself pee!
I just love your drawings.
Oh man, all I can say is I’m glad I didn’t read this while drinking my coffee, or my computer would be ruined! Thank you for the guffaws, I really needed them! 🙂
Have you tried Nair, or one of those lotion-y hair removal products? They smell awful but work pretty well. If you lowered your arms and smushed it around a bit after applying, you could probably get all those crevices. (And there’s a sentence I never imagined writing…) You might want to try it when Gym Hubby is home, as you’ll need to leave it on for a good 15-20 minutes.
And I, too, love the cute li’l germies!
FRICKIN HILARIOUS.
And, as with all good hilariousnessment, it’s funny cuz it’s true.
Im with you on the pits. and the nether regions.
Im trying to convince myself Im actually kinda cheap as theres one whole leg id not need to lasar! 😉
What a great post! I love your pictures…lol! And, wouldn’t be awesome if we could pee bubbles?
I got so frustrated with shaving my armpits before going to the gym that I started wearing shirts with short sleeves exclusively. They are hard to find, especially because I cannot stand sleeves that bind, which make overhead presses impossible (I recently found a good style and bought four at once, though). Granted I am the only person in the entire weight room wearing a shirt with sleeves so I look almost Amish in that environment, but it was worth it to me not having to think about it anymore. Similarly, I only wear boy cut swimsuit bottoms. One day I will get laser hair removal…
Huh, I was just thinking that one of the nice things about not being too thin anymore is that I don’t have huge valleys for underarms that are impossible to shave. Never thought about the opposite problem! I don’t think I’ll ever have this problem though. I’m whichever body type it is that is almost impossible to build muscle. Seriously. I just hope that while all my weight lifting isn’t outwardly obvious it’s doing some good for the internal fat burning, bone strengthening, etc.
Get laser hair removal! It’s worth every penny! And I didn’t find it hurt too much. Felt just like snapping rubber bands on your skin. Now vacations, going to the gym, forgetting to shave…etc are things of the past! I still have a few hairs that grow (I should go for a few more treatments…I had 6 total but everyone needs a different number of treatments). Anyways, I sing the praises of laser hair removal! I had more or less my full body below the neck done. Do it do it do it!
My armpits are similarly challenging to shave, what with all the crags and valleys there from lifting, and then add a big side boob, and I practically need a headlamp to get in there. I invariably miss something, and then end up catching a glance of stray hairs in the mirror at the gym. Classy!
When I was your age, hair on me was all light. Charlotte, you do not want to get me started on hair on a 54 year old!!! 😉 It comes in in multiple colors & directions & it will not come out with shaving or plucking sometimes & can’t wax on the face due to thinning skin & more! 😉
My face is the biggest issue right now & it is NOT A GOOD THING! I would so do laser hair removal if I had the money. Pls come chat when you are in your 50’s! 😉
Saying all that & being a gym rat. I understand & feel for you.
ALSO, those cartoons are so friggin funny! I can just imagine Jelly Bean saying that & watching you!
I miss my toned pits. Be proud of them Charlotte. You look amazing, hair and all. 🙂
Hehe – love your illustrations, Charlotte. I shave every day, after soaking in the bath, so the hair gets soft – not too much problem (although my topography does look like yours).
What I’ve found about having a lot of muscle is that I need to hydrate a lot. Muscles must just soak up water and burn it off like – um, a cross between a sponge and an oven. I drink a whole lot more water than the average person, and I need to – otherwise, I get dehydrated. (I also get roastingly hot when I sleep, which doesn’t help… is that a muscle thing or just me?)
Use conditioner, then shave up&down, down&up and left to right, then right to left. Then apply conditioner again.
I’m sort of like… ??? still… I actually just looked at my armpits for comparison purposes?? Mine are a little hilly, but not like that.
To make you feel better (or, to be honest, to make me feel better for feeling like I’m mocking you – I’m not, promise) I get these weird indents beneath my hipbones when I start running a lot… or now that I’m doing bikram yoga… I think a lot of people have a little dent there, but mine is pretty deep these days. I just tried to google swimsuits to find a pic illustrating, but it’s clear most of those girls have been airbrushed, so I can’t find anyone with something similar :/
wait, I just googled female body builders, you can see it on them… only those pictures are kind of scary and I do NOT at all resemble them, except for that intense dent.
So good to know! Yet another reason to delay the exercise routine. I will embrace the ease of shaving my plump pits.
ooooohhh Thank you!! I so needed that laugh this morning!! I’ll count it as an early Christmas present. Hysterical!
Ok my pitties are uneven. My right pitty has a ton of hair growth and my left hardly has any. I also have really deep crater like pitties so trying to get in there with a razor is hard. Plus the fact I can’t raise my right arm up all the way sucks.
I bought a groupon for laser hair removal. I only got 2 sessions in though before I got pregnant. After the baby is born I fully intend to get every area done from my nose down haha!
My right armpit requires shaving in circles.
And it *still* doesn’t work.
Stooopid armpit hair.
Oh gee, I thought I had it bad getting scrape mark scabs on my legs whether I used one of those rub-it-off mitts, or a razor… I really miss those epiladies from the old days that just took out the hair but mine died a while back…
Charlotte, I’m sorry about your quandary but I have to tell you, when I was in my 20s I thought I was a freak because I had two hairs growing in my left armpit. I didn’t realize that most non-Asian women actually removed hair there, I thought it was only MEN who grew hair there and I was horrified that I kept growing these hairs… so I faithfully kept plucking them out.
They finally ceased growing back sometime around when I was 40. I have no real advice for you except maybe reincarnate in your next life as an Asian woman–you won’t really have hair there.
I had laser removal recommended to me by my Dad of all people. He used it to get rid of the random scraggleys on his head when he went bald…and looks all charming now. and less like a mad scientist. I’ve been tempted. I admit I often am so busy I forget and miss the whole pit hair thing until I realise I look like I have a tribble under there..the more I workout the harder it is to avoid razor nics with all those cool muscles I’m getting in there…I must admit I should care more than I do, but I figure if someone is looking at my pits whileI workout theyget what they deserve 😛
Holy crap you hit the nail on the head with this one!! I too have the same issues with my pits, (all due to weightlifting and strength training) although I admit I wax/epilate them. Seriously. Being a masochist helps, but being lazy is what truly motivates me to forcibly rip my own hairs out from their roots. I just don’t want to shave every day. Once you get past the first few times of waxing (I wouldn’t recommend epilating until you’ve waxed a few times) its not as bad as the first pull. Although, epilating is just as impossible with the mountainous muscles in this region. This post cracked me up!
You should totally sign on for Living Social, Groupon and Deal find. They always post weekly deals and I’ve seen laser hair removal show up time and time again. I did do it myself and found that although the hair was for sure thinner it never completely went away. Which i find sort of frustrating since i spent a lot of money doing it. It for sure got rid of razor burn issues i had though, i haven’t had that in years. One of my girlfriends uses hair remover first and then anything thats left she shaves off. This usually gets rid of it and prevents it from growing back quicker. I dunno, give this a try and let me know!
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I haven’t shaved in almost 10 years. Waxing is the way to go for me.
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Great website you have here but I was curious about if you knew of any user discussion forums that cover the same topics talked about here?
I’d really love to be a part of online community where I can get feed-back from other experienced people
that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions,
please let me know. Thanks!