A waitress friend of mine recently snapped a pic of an overweight patron’s meal. Why? So she could text it to several of her friends. Sure her customer’s meal was appalling – One of every appetizer? Yes, please – but even more so was the realization that now, more than ever, eating is a spectator sport. People feel they not only have a right to see what other people are eating but also to pass judgment on it. Even though we don’t.
I blame the media for this. Or at least for beginning the trend with shows like the Biggest Loser that have cameras recording participants’ every bite and advertising that relies on monitoring a person’s food intake to sell their product a la Jared the Subway Guy. We won’t even talk about the media hoopla surrounding Marie Osmond, Kirstie Alley, and the grand dame of weight loss struggles, Oprah. Jessica Alba can’t take a bite of food without a telephoto lens documenting it.
I know all this because every weight blip is broadcast to an eager audience, one I am apparently a part of despite the fact that I have never seen even one episode of The Biggest Loser (culturally irrelevant, that’s me!) and the last time I ate in a Subway was Homecoming dance my junior year of high school when I got food poisoning from old ham and spent the rest of the night upchucking in the E.R. Remember when Jared TSG showed up looking a bit meatier and immediately the Examiner exclaimed, “We’re sure Jared will lose the extra weight in no time. After all, his career as a Subway spokesperson depends on it.” highlighting the fact that we have entered the era where losing weight is an official career choice. And a lucrative one.
But if eating has become a sport, not eating (i.e. dieting or “making lifestyle changes”) has become the national pastime. Instead of Ladies Who Lunch, we have ladies who pick at their lunches and talk about how they really should have ordered the salad. I’ve often wondered if my inability to have a conversation with a new acquaintance without talk turning to weight loss, exercise or food stems from what I do for a living or because everyone just talks about it that much. Both?
The weird twist, however, is that while we feel (too?) comfortable commenting on a stranger’s weight whether it be on TV or texting their menu choices to friends, many of us don’t dare broach the subject with our friends. Perhaps we are afraid of offending people or losing a friendship but my personal theory is that people are already keenly aware of what they weigh and whether or not that is healthy for them and therefore do not need me to tell them about it.
And yet.
The other day I came home from the gym and noticed during my post-shower grooming ritual that mostly involves random tweezing and lotioning my brillo-bad kneecaps (they have actually ran my nylons – back in the days when I wore nylons. Which I don’t now, but I digress.) a realllly long, dark hair on my jawline. It was so bad I should have been getting better radio reception everywhere I went. It was clearly visible and so embarrassing. My first thought was: why didn’t the Gym Buddies tell me I was rocking a chin-stache??
My chin hair gave me an A-Ha moment (paging Oprah!): I wish my weight weren’t an issue at all – that nobody would notice it one way or the other – but since that is not the case (not for me, not for anyone) I would rather my friends talk to me about it than a stranger.
Which would you prefer – strangers commenting on your weight or a good friend? (Sadly, “nobody” is not an option.) Do you feel comfortable commenting on a strangers weight? Would you talk to a friend about hers or his? Is anyone else’s worst nightmare having a waitress text pics of your cheat meal to all her friends???
I recently caught part of a documentary (British) about boys with anorixia going through a program. One boy who was skeletal said that his weight issues started because someone said that he looked “heavy” – not fat just heavy. This started him on the road to a serious ED. I don’t know what may trigger something for someone. To me that responsibility is too much so I don’t ever discuss people’s weight with them. I’ts none of my business.
I prefer that the only person who discusses my weight with me is my doctor.
I try not to judge strangers weight. How would I know that the huge lady having an ice-cream hasn’t already lost a heap of weight and is on a cheat-day that’s part of her diet ? I do find it much harder in a supermarket. I tend to automatically check out what everyone has in their basket (I’m naturally nosey) but if I see big people with chips (I think American’s call them crisps – or is that England ?) and chocolate and stuff, I’ll be honest, I get a bit judgemental and smugly think “Look at all the fruit and vege in my trolley” as I hide the junk under something healthy 🙂
If anyone was going to comment on my weight, I’d rather it was a friend or family, they know me, they are more likely to know my eating habits, lifestyle, medical issues etc, so I would hope it would be a more informed comment that some random stranger passing judgement. I wouldn’t comment on a stranger’s weight, as I don’t know them or their life, but I might comment on a friend’s – depending on the situation (say if they lost a lot of weight suddenly and started to look sick or something).
And those pesky hairs? I swear they spend weeks curling up under the skin, and then pop out like a jack-in-the-box when they’re good and long.
I really think that what your waitres friend did was really unprofessional and should have been fired for it. She was not chaut so she was not so I hope she learns a little maturity and professionalism in the future.
I remember that I was always very conscious of what (and how much) I was eating in public when I was at my heaviest. I know I judged overweight people when I see them eating huge piles of junk so I didn’t want others to judge me. Now that I have lost some weight, am on a diet and exercising it has gotten better, plus my portions have gotten a lot smaller. But I am still aware of it.
I have watched the Biggest Loser and i remember some contestants talking about how they would eat bad food in secret. So being overweight you are acutely aware of how people think about what you are eating.
Strangers have never commented on my weight but I have been asked if I was pregnant when I wasn’t. Unless you are 100% sure someone is pregnant pls don’t comment on their stomach. Friends have never said anything about my weight either but my husband and I did/do talk about it. When he told me he was worried about my weight I never got upset because I knew he was just worried for my health.
Being overweight is not like a hair on your chin you missed that morning or a piece of something between you teeth: you are very aware of it and people telling you that they too are very aware of it too can make things worse then help. I think it’s best for the friend to bring it up first and then you can talk about it. Otherwise they are probably not ready to hear what you are thinking anyway.
I think I have finally got to the point now where I realise that virtually every woman’s (and it generally is a woman – not always – but nearly always) comment on somebody else’s weight or diet is some sort of reflection on themselves and their own insecurities. Hence the sensitive souls will tend to tread respectfully, and those too wrapped up in their own fears will go out of their way to point and shout at other people’s lifestyles in a bid to distract from their own.
Sad thing is, the more we see diets and weight picked over in the media, the more paranoid we get about our own lifestyle, and then we inevitably get more interested in what everybody else is eating/weighing so we can check that we’re “OK” …it’s a vicious cycle. I’m not sure how we’ll ever break it. I’m hoping we just get bored and stop caring!
PX
I hate comments on my weight, no matter if they come from a stranger or friend or relative. It’s none of their business! I’ve always been more or less overweight, until a few years ago, so I have received a lot of comments on my weight and eating habits, either from strangers, doctors, or family members. And every single comment hurt! That’s why I’d never tell any of my friends that I think they gained weight, even if I secretly do. Plus, telling them is totally unnecessary, they most probably already know. I mean, how could you not notice that your clothes have gotten tighter?!
On the other hand, one of my good friends lost a lot of weight last year, and got close to being underweight. I didn’t tell her either! Because I have no right to judge her behaviour, and because I was sure that she was already well aware of her situation. She was getting marriend and wanted to be as skinny as possible. Who am I to tell her that she’s doing something wrong?
My family is really weird. When I was chubby they often pointed out that I was eating too much (which was partly true, but didn’t help me at that point), and now that I’ve reached a healthy weight (BMI of 22-23), they say I’m too skinny! Just can’t please them. Sigh!
When I give orientations at my gym, it’s part of my job to ask folks “What are your fitness goals?” which is the perfect opening for them to discuss weight. Almost everyone wants to lose weight, and most of them are not only willing but quite eager to discuss everything they’ve eaten in the past month and everything they are planning to eat in the next month. It seems like they’ve all been conditioned to assume it’s everyones’ business.
(My response is always to tell them to focus on eating for health and performance, and look at weight-loss as a side-effect.)
This was a great post, Char. Body snarking, weight biases, snapping pictures of others’ food… I feel like it just kind of perpetuates a lot of the problems.
I am totally with you in that I would want my friends to speak up. I had the EXACT same thing w/ a hair happen not 2 days ago. I even asked my coworkers why they didn’t say something LOL (they all adamantly claimed they didn’t notice it). While I wouldn’t have an issue voicing an opinion on a rogue hair, I think I might struggle talking to a friend about her weight….even if I, myself, would want to be approached.
I’m rambling, but I think the difference is that a hair goes unnoticed by the grower whereas excess/unwanted bodyfat is not. We know it’s there and we don’t want it but struggle to get rid of it. A hair is plucked out in a fraction of a second.
My friends and I discuss our weight issues all the time. Nobodys calling each other a fat ass or anything like that but we are always talking about ways to support each other.
The issue with the waitress is that she’s doesn’t think of her customer as a person who just happens to be overweight but instead is foremost an “overweight person”. Kwim? It’s early and I’m not sure if that makes sense but I hope it does!
Sue – I totally understand. And thanks for sharing. It probably does hurt every single time I comment on someones weight (or if anyone else does it!). It is a good point that people probably already know their situation – whether they lose weight or have gained it.
I am of the mindset that we shouldn’t comment on the weight of other peoples bodies – even if it is positive or negative. If you say ‘oh, you’ve lost weight you look beautiful!’ does this imply the person was ugly before? We should definitely focus more on what people do – inside and outside of the gym. People who are overweight can still have great ideas about fitness and exercise, can still be great friends, can still be great confidants, and can still do great things in the gym. Saying ‘holy smokes, I have noticed you have improved your range of motion so much! That is incredible!’ vs. a comment on their body is much more beneficial. Who cares if someone has lost or gained weight – what they can do is so much better.
End rant. :p
I’m in the camp of “it’s never ok to talk to someone about their weight. If they bring it up first, then sure, you can engage in minimal conversation to be polite, but I can’t imagine any situation in which making a comment about someone’s weight could be a positive thing. Especially since you don’t know where they’re coming from–even if they’re your best friend. Weight is so scrutinized and judged in our society that a lot of people tend to, y’know, lie about it. “Yes, of course I ate breakfast!” “I love my body!” “Oh my goodness, I ate soooo much yesterday!”
If a person has gained weight, OF COURSE they know it. And they’ll notice fluctuations in their weight before you will. I’ve noticed the following pattern, for example: if I gain 1 or 2 pounds, only I will notice. If I gain 5 pounds, only my mom and I will notice. It takes over five pounds (!) for anyone other than my mother to even be able to tell the difference. So if you want to tell someone they’ve gained weight to…what…help them? Puh-leeze, they already know. And maybe they care, in which case you’re rubbing salt in the wound, or maybe they don’t care, in which case it isn’t really your business anyway.
If a person has lost weight, again, OF COURSE they know it. But here’s the thing: if it was unintentional, due to disease or stress, then (I’ll say again), rubbing salt in the wound is not nice. If it was intentional due to an eating disorder, and you compliment the person, then congratulations, you’re part of the problem. If it was intentional due to a sub-ED-threshold diet, then you’re telling the person that A) They didn’t look as good before as they do now, B) They had better keep that diet up lest they gain weight again, and C) Their weight matters.
I suppose the only exception I can think of, a situation when it would be ok to talk about someone’s weight is if you’re a doctor, and you’re helping someone gain weight by treating whatever illness caused the weight loss in the first place. I’m sure there are good doctors out there who could talk to a patient about losing weight without being, y’know, horrible, but it usually turns out horrible. Do you have any idea how many fat people have died of non-weight-related diseases because their doctors refused to treat them until they lost weight? And how many fat people have died of non-fat-related diseases because the years of mistreatment by doctors made them too afraid to go in? Or how many fat people have died of non-fat-related diseases because they were misdiagnosed by a doctor who wouldn’t even look for, say, cancer, because the only “disease” they were interested in “treating” was fat itself?
Well, I guess I’m NOT going to McDonald’s today…
I just noticed a study which reported that over weight doctors discuss weight problems with their patients much less than normal weight doctors. Eye of the holder I guess.
I’m guilty of noticing what people eat in restaurants. I never comment on it. Restaurants are in the business of serving unhealthy meals to unhealthy people, that’s what is. If you don’t want that, you have to either not eat in them or ask that your meal be modified.
My friend works behind the counter at a local convenience store. You would be amazed how many people comment on her weight! (And she is only barely overweight – not a large girl by any means…) It tears her apart and upsets her for days. (And often results in a comforting bag of chips or tub of ice cream… Super helpful!) Our bodies should be off-limits as far as casual conversation goes. We beat up on ourselves enough without anybody else’s help, thank you very much!
As part of my continuing struggle to not diet, I would prefer no one commenting on my weight. I have gotten to even dislike it when I get COMPLIMENTS on my weight. I would so much prefer for people to just say I look nice and leave it at that, why does what I weigh have anything to do with it? Even more baffling are the people who compliment me on how much weight I’ve lost, when I haven’t lost any weight in about a year.
But, if i had to have someone commenting on my weight, I guess I would prefer that it was a friend or someone I knew so that I could put them in their place if necessary. My mother likes to comment on my weight, even though I know she doesn’t like it when someone comments on hers.
I’m trying really hard to ignore the weight of other people. I know that size is hard to ignore, but it’s really not my business. I don’t want to comment on it, I don’t want to talk about weight all the time. It’s hard when there are people constantly bringing up their weight with me. I dieted for so long that people think of me as some kind of expert and are constantly looking for advice. I don’t want to give advice. I mean, what can I say? Stay active. Do your best. Listen to your doctor.
Like the comments posted above, I feel that most people are well aware of if they are over-weight or have lost too much weight. A comment, no matter how well-intentioned, or nicely stated, isn’t going to make any difference and will probably hurt- so I don’t say anything.
The other reason, for me, is that I don’t like eating with people I don’t know. Some insecurity I have. I end up picking at my food (then eating the leftovers as soon as I get home). So why would I comment on other peoples food choices or their weight, when I don’t want the attention when I am eating?
My mother has gastroparesis (partial paralysis of the stomach). She is very thin and struggles to eat enough to maintain her weight. One day she was at the DMV and two women started talking about her and her weight and that she must be a Meth addict. My mom could hear this and it hurt her. I think the passing judgment on others needs to stop. No one knows your story and so no one should comment on it.
Once I noticed an awful chin hair just as my friend arrived to pick me up to go to a movie. I climbed in her car and grabbed the visor mirror and said, “Ugh, look at this! I think it just popped out of nowhere!” And she replied, “OH GOD, NO. That thing has been driving me nuts for weeeeeeeks. Please can I yank it?”
That was embarrassing. I think she should have mentioned it sooner, rather than stewing silently about it, or at least had the grace to pretend with me that I hadn’t been walking around with a great big scary old lady hair sprouting from my chin.
However, I have never, ever, ever been unaware of excess weight I was carrying. Ever. So that would be…less helpful. And rude. I have a horror of rudeness.
I completely agree with you and everyone else who said that there’s a reason people wouldn’t tell their friend they were overweight. As someone who’s been overweight, trust me you already know. Someone else pointing it out just makes you feel worse. If an overweight friend told me they were going to start going to the gym or something I’d talk to them about what I like to do but I would never in a million years bring it up. Especially if they seem happy with how they look. Who am I, in the throes of hating how I look every moment, to criticize that?
But it’s not just you. I listen to my new coworkers and, just like my old coworkers, the conversations always roll around to food choices, workouts, and weight. The last is when I flee. And yet I would never bring up my eating disorder to them. Why can we talk about that kind of stuff but not the results of society’s obsession with food and weight?
I also agree that other peoples’ food and their weight is none of my business. If they ask me about it, I will gladly talk to them. With my clients, the focus is always on health. When I teach a class, I tell them to listen to their bodies, to take a break if they need to. I also give modifications AND more advanced versions of the exercises. A lot of this was influenced by my first Pilates teacher, who’s also a nurse. She’d always tell us the advantages of each exercise.
I suppose it’s because I believe it’s possible to be fat AND fit, and also because I’m guilty of judging people for their weight. But usually I focus on skinny-minny actresses, because of my background. (Fortunately the era of the super-skinny lollipop heads seems to be nearly done.)
I’m a nurse and the doctors I work for always discuss weight, healthy eating habits and exercise with all patients. We have had a patient leave the practice because despite being overweight, was upset that the doctor charted it. Well, um, that’s her job. And the other part is to talk to you about making healthy choices and being at a healthy weight for each individual (note I did not say be thin and eat only carrot sticks and air). I find that some people are receptive to this discussion and some are just not. And if your doctor can’t talk to you about your weight and healthy (or unhealthy) eating habits, well, who can?
Granted, I only know this secondhand, because I’m relatively thin myself (at least, my BMI is in the “normal” range), but as I understand it, many doctors tend to conflate those last two things. (That is, weight and eating habits.) Some will even go so far as to assume a fat person is lying if that person says they eat healthy and exercise!!
Studies show that patients often lie to their doctors! That’s OK, because I like to lie to them about how their poor eating, lack of exercise, and obesity is good for them!
But I’m guessing (hoping) you don’t withhold treatment from fat patients until they become thin. Many doctors apparently do.They’ll “prescribe” healthy eating and exercise to a person who tells them they’re already doing those things.
They discuss diet and exercise habits with every patient no matter how overwt/thin/fit/BMI/enter your favorite measurement here the patient is so it’s something they do across the board. And, yes, some patients lie. Duh. But they recognize that everyone is different and they take cultural background and time and caring for small children/aging parents into consideration too. We’re more than just lab results but when the numbers come in and your A1c is borderline diabetic, your LDL is high and HDL is low and maybe your BPs are running high, well, it’s time to revisit the discussion. And that’s when I start calling you to see how your progress is coming along.
I have one friend who I discuss weight with, and even then I don’t use numbers. To the rest of the world, it’s unmentionable. And I can’t imagine talking to a stranger about their weight. Or back in my waitressing days analyzing what a customer ordered (this was in the bag phone days so taking a pic wouldn’t have been an option). I’ve done enough races to know you can’t judge how fit a person is by their dress size.
I’m also paranoid about it because I have three fairly close friends who I’m pretty sure think I have an eating disorder. Which I don’t and never have. But we used to run and race and after they got pregnant again together and I didn’t, we stopped. Now they have (almost) two year olds and I run marathons. One of them, I’ve started running with again, but the others have made it quite clear they don’t want to exercise with me. It has hurt our friendship. We are all going on a cruise with a dozen other girls and almost everyone is on a diet and constantly talking about dieting. And I’m sure I’ll get comments about going to the gym on the ship. It’ll be wrapped in friendly teasing, but the subcontext that I have a problem will be there.
I’ve seen the same woman off and on at one of my favorite running spots for over a year. She’s completely normal weight, but has the loose skin of someone who has lost a considerable amount of weight. I always want to say somehing encouraging to her or let her know I find her inspirational, but am not sure how without sounding… condescending. So we just exchange hello’s or smiles when we see each other.
The other day my three year old told me she has a fat belly, when my husband and I don’t use the word fat as a rule, but that’s a whole other tangent.
All right, someone hand me the cone of shame… I have done this. As I wrote on my blog today, in 2010 I was falling back into disordered eating habits. And whenever I start to disappear into that particular rabbit hole, I become a gigantic JERK. (I was going to swear but your blog is typically so wholesome that I didn’t want to spoil the atmosphere down here in the comments section!) I look at what overweight people are eating. I pass judgment. And then for good measure I look at what average people are eating and judge them too. And I was doing that in 2010 (and in 2005-2007). I was a waitress in 2010. And while I *never* took a picture (I really don’t think that’s something I’d ever do, since I’ve binge-eaten and been overweight…and obese…too) I definitely, definitely, definitely judged patrons. =( I feel so bad about this in hindsight… I never said anything but I wonder now if I treated them differently, and I sincerely hope I didn’t. I regret it. A lot of those patrons were the sweetest customers.
Oh and to answer your question… I really would prefer my weight not be commented on by anyone. I wouldn’t discuss a serious health issue (unless I thought I was going to die and, you know, wanted to say my goodbyes or what have you) with anyone but my husband, mom, MIL, and doctor, so I don’t see why I should HAVE to subject to my weight being discussed. That being said, obviously people are going to discuss my weight without my knowledge or consent all the time so…. whatever. If someone is going to judge me, that’s not my issue. If someone thinks that my worth is wrapped up in my size, well, that says a lot more about them than it does about me. So I suppose they can all just have at it. 😉
I would totally have told you about the hair and probably handed you a pair of tweezers. I take them with me everywhere. I’d rather strangers comment on my weight – is that weird. My friends have commented on it before – sometimes it was helpful, but when I was younger and overweight, it was awful. So, therefore, I try not to comment on anyone’s weight. It just hurts – I know, I’ve been there.
OK, first let me say that I got stuck on the hair on your chin since age brings a whole new meaning to this – I am growing a rug on mine & since with age, the skin gets thinner, I can’t shave or wax.. and unless you are rich, ya can’t afford the laser treatments – OK got that off my chest! 🙂
As for that pic – really made me think. What right do we have to do that – yes, out in public but they are NOT on a reality asking for it. Friends, it would be nice if they would be honest with me. Me, I mat tap around it if they don’t ask for advice but if they do, I don’t get rude but offer helpful suggestions.
-Potential trigger warning!- My eating disorder began in third grade. I was 5’6″ and ~140 lbs at the time (mostly because I was already developed and am quite naturally curvy). It started when my step-father, worried that I eating too much and going to be too fat, began making me log everything I ate, as well as the time I consumed it, and turning it in at my weekly weighing. I began sneaking food so that I wouldn’t have to write it down, and shortly thereafter transitioned into restricting and purging. Even when I’m mostly healthy, I still get horribly anxious and embarrassed at restaurants or when going through a check-out line at the store (with or without junk food!) for fear that I’m being judged. I’ve also had severe relapses over inane comments about my weight from strangers, some of which were even CHILDREN! Weight is not a hair, which they seriously should have mentioned if they had seen it. A hair is harmless. It’s embarrassing, but you’ll forget it soon. A comment about weight is not harmless, because it isn’t easily forgotten, and they probably know about it anyway. Instead of being grateful for the abundance of food and choices we have, we’ve somehow warped eating into a moral practice, or something that defines who we are. You said “nobody” isn’t an option, but it is my preference. I just wish that preference would translate into reality.
With the knees, I suggest that you squeeze a grapefruit, mix it with enough white sugar (grab some packets from somewhere) to make a paste and apply it to damp knees and then scrub the paste off in the shower and load on a heavy moisturizer when done. (Also works on elbows)
It is hard not to say something. My co-worker who I love is very overweight and I see her eating subs and fries and I bite my tongue every day, because I know I would be hurt if someone said anything about me.
I really don’t like it when other people, other than my doctor, bring up my weight issues with me. Mostly because of previous conversations that were weird and caused me to stress over my weight and the food I was eating. I gained a lot of weight between middle school and high school like a lot of kids do and found lost it over the summer just before school started thanks to marching band. However my family didn’t seem to notice since I was still wearing the same clothes. I had an uncle that thought I was anorixic and that I wasn’t eating because I was trying to watch what I was eating and portion control. At every family function he would ask me if I ate, it got to the point where I would show him my plate before I sat down to eat. Even though I knew it was out of love I think this played into a roll in my relationship with food.
Comments about weight or eating habits can stay with you for a long time. I’ll never forget showing my mom my beautiful prom dress and hearing her saying, “If you do sit ups everyday until prom you will really look wonderful!” But I think part of getting over our insecurities and eating issues is letting that kind of thing roll off our backs. My husband and I have had to work this out because I do need him to watch out for my stress eating but I also need him to bring it up in a way that doesn’t send me looking for the bottom of the chocolate ice cream tub. I would much rather hear comments about my weight from him than from a stranger.
I have found people talked about my weight when I was fat. When I became thinner. I can’t win. I don’t mind if strangers do, because really…I don’t care. If friends or family do, to me, out of genuine concern…but other than that, I’d rather it not be talked about at all unless my health is at risk. My weight is NOT me…I didn’t lose weight and get health so I could continue to talk about my weight.
I’d rather talk about anything else…:)
If anyone was going to comment on my weight I’d rather it be a stranger so I could just roll my eyes at them. Actually I have no problems telling strangers “I have an eating disorder” because I’m so used to telling whatever nurse weighs me that I don’t want to know the number. It’s a pretty quick way to shut people up because mostly no one really knows what you’re talking about. You’re right on in this post. Food choices have become a sort of creepy public domain thanks to media coverage of the obesity crisis like it’s the new war on terror. Everyone can’t help comparing themselves to others and nowadays it’s accepted to air those thoughts and judgements out loud. Let’s put them back in our heads people.
As someone who has been on the receiving end of unwanted weight comments, I never make them myself. I’ve heard the gamut of comments, too many to list, and none were helpful. Even the minor ones still stick with me. Unless a friend brings it up, I don’t talk about weight, too much too little of it…doesn’t matter.
BUT, how’s this for ironic? I am teaching physiology right now and we are finishing the nutrition and metabolism chapters, so today’s lab is about that. We’re doing several different body composition tests, a nutritional analysis, and a BMR calculations. My goal is to show them that the different methods can give different results on the same day, and also to make the ones that aren’t aware, more so. I did tell them on Monday to come see me if there are any qualms about doing this. Nobody has though. I’m really curious to see what comes of it.
Well. That was off topic.
While I never took any pictures, I often tell the story of a gentleman at a table I waited on when I worked at a well-known Italian chain restaurant. They had ordered Alfredo sauce for dipping their breadsticks (so good, seriously!) and when I was trying to clear away some dishes, I noticed there was just a little bit of sauce left in the dish and there were no breadsticks in the basket. I asked the table if they were finished with it and the gentleman looked at the amount and said, “Hm, no, I think I’ll finish it.” I then asked if he’d like me to bring out another breadstick for him. To which he replied, “Oh, no thanks” and proceeded to scrape the sauce onto the spoon. And then he just ate it. A spoonful of Alfredo sauce. All by itself. And I will not lie that I was horrified and I can only hope my face didn’t show it. To be honest, I can’t even remember if this gentleman was overweight or not. But that was probably about as judge-y as I ever got. Well, that and the time a lady informed me she was on a diet and then asked if she could have the stuffed shells with Alfredo sauce instead of red sauce. To this day, I am curious what diet exactly she was on.
When I was in my 20s, I was a skinny chain-smoking, pots of coffee drinking gal who was often a little weird around food, and some of my co-workers started a rumor that I was anorexic. I wasn’t…most days. 🙂 Finally it got annoying, and I confronted them: “Why do you think it’s OK to comment on my weight just because I’m skinny? Would you go up to an overweight person and say, “Wow, you’re fat, are you a binge-eater or something?” They admitted they had been rude and confessed that they were jealous. Now, some 15 years and about that many pounds later (but free of cigarettes, hooray!), I look normal. Not thin, not fat. But I admit I was pleased when a guy I work with saw me eating ice cream cake for breakfast earlier this week and asked how I could eat that and stay thin. On the other hand, I’d have been mortified if he’d suggested I should have refrained due to avoir du pois, so I guess it’s safe to say that people shouldn’t talk about other people’s weight, fat or thin. (Not that we can control what we think!)
Really interesting and thought provoking post. I have been up and down and up and down over the course of my life due to some pretty disordered eating phases. I have noticed that no one I know ever comments any more. I think that everyone I know finally picked up on the fact that I struggle with disordered eating and now they are not comfortable commenting. The thing is – NOW I am in a good place and I am proud of my body and I kind of wish someone would throw me a bone! But I can’t blame them for not. It’s such a sensitive topic. Most diseases you can hide. Obesity, anorexia, and binge eating tendencies are hard to conceal and I think that makes people really uncomfortable commenting. I compliment my friends when I think they look like they have lost weight. I never really considered it from the other side of the fence though. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut!
I have found hairs on my face and wondered why the heck no one told me! Then I went out and bought a magnifying mirror. Never again! I hope…
PS. Your profile pic is adorable. Love the outfit.
No. I spent many years obese and I wasn’t ready to do anything about it (until I was). Didn’t matter who said anything. If it wasn’t my issue, shouldn’t have been anyone less. If my job dpended on it, then maybe….
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