I think this guy is on to something: he just condensed the whole eat-exercise cycle down to one picture-perfect moment of glory!
You need to eat to live. You also need to exercise to live. But do you eat and exercise to live or do you live to eat and exercise? Silly question but it’s a fine line, easily crossed, from the former to the latter. Especially for those of us compulsive types who tend to think that if some is good then more must always be better. You don’t have to have read this blog for very long to know that I have struggled for years with finding this balance. And while I’m light years better than I used to be, I still have a long ways to go. Which is why this e-mail brought tears to my eyes.
Today in installment two of Help a Reader Out Week, we have a heartbreaking question about breaking the vicious run-eat-run cycle. The reader, who wishes to remain anonymous, writes,
“hey…you probably won’t read this but if you have time i hope you can help me. i run a lot. people think that i must love running because i run all the time but i hate running. hate hate hate. basically i run because i eat too much (well i think i eat too much) and at least this way i can eat dessert. i just have to run it off later. but sometimes i have to run in the dark or twice a day though and i know that’s not good. how do i quit eating-running-eating-running-eating…you know? p.s. i love your blog!”
Dear Anon,
First, thank you! And second, boy howdy do I know where you are coming from. I too used to be stuck in the same cycle of eating, feeling guilty about eating and then exercising to relieve the guilt (and the calories). Sometimes I’d even up the ante and run a little extra so I’d have permission to eat something “bad” later on. Eventually it got really confusing though, trying to remember if I was running to atone for a dietary sin or running in anticipation of one so I just figured I’d run as much as possible (and then some) to cover all my caloric bases. Oh and I’d better throw in some weights too because I don’t want to lose muscle! And yoga, everyone says yoga is good for you! And kickboxing, because it’s fun!
And that, friends, is the short version of how I ran myself into amenorrhea, hypothyroidism, gaining 10 pounds and insanity. Oh and I also ran myself right into eating disorder treatment. Don’t be me, sweetie.
Here’s how not to be me (or how to break the eat-run-repeat cycle of living):
1. Stop weighing yourself. You didn’t mention a scale but I’d bet the $200 I didn’t get not passing go that you are weighing yourself once a day, minimum. Those numbers are a) crazy and b) will make you crazy. Your weight can fluctuate by pounds in a single day and exercising to keep the scale happy is a losing proposition. There isn’t any easy way to do this one except to just do it.
2. Realize that you do not need permission to eat. You don’t have to earn your calories. You’re a beautiful person worthy of eating just by virtue of existing. Even if you do nothing but sit on your butt, you have earned the right to eat and to eat food that is enjoyable.
3. Eating is not good or bad. It’s a survival skill. Despite what all those yogurt commercials say, you are not a sinner for eating a piece of raspberry cheesecake. Nor are you a saint for eating a salad.
4. Eating can make your body feel good or bad and it’s that sensation you need to learn to listen to. Intuitive Eating (Geneen Roth style) was a life-saver for me but there are lots of ways to do this.
5. Exercise is not punishment. You should find a way to move your body that you enjoy. While no exercise is 100% fun 100% of the time, I’m convinced everyone can find a way to be active that is challenging, fulfilling and mostly fun. If you hate running, please don’t run! (And to my readers who love running – you keep on running, I don’t mean you!) Dance, hike, bike or join a synchronized swim team (and then tell me how they get all that makeup to stay on in the pool!) but find something you love.
I have done all 5 of these things myself – sometimes multiple times (yay for slow learners!) – and I can tell you that you absolutely can escape the vicious cycle that you are in. It will mean tolerating a certain amount of pain and anxiety as you adjust to this new way of thinking but you can do it and it’s worth doing. You don’t realize how captive you are until you are finally free! Trust me. It’s more beautiful on this side of things than I ever could have imagined. Oh, and because I know you are thinking it, I did not gain a bunch of weight when I quit over-exercising. Indeed, I lost five pounds (of the 10 I gained) and have maintained this weight within a pound for a year and a half now. Even after having a baby!
But don’t just take my word for it. Check out this sweet comment that Dusker recently left on my post about my Rachel Cosgrove Experiment. (In case you forgot, it entailed dropping 90% of my cardio, all of my running and focusing on lifting heavy. It worked wonders for me! And I only ended up working out 30-45 minutes a day.)
“Charlotte,
I would like to thank you for all these experiments and especially for your “oversharing”–which has helped me more than you can know. I am just finishing Month 1 of the Rachel Cosgrove plan and you are the reason I decided to give it a try. I was deathly afraid–and I mean terrified–of dropping steady state cardio. If I ran less than 6 miles I thought it was a lame workout and I’d run AND do a cardio class on most days. After reading your blog I thought, well, I’m sort of crazy about exercise but I’m not as crazy as HER (no offense), and if she did it then it’s worth a try. So thanks! I am a convert! Dropping steady state cardio did not result in a 10lb. weight gain–actually, I haven’t weighed myself (so who knows) but my clothes fit so much better that I don’t care. Major difference in butt and thighs even after just Phase 1. I do the weight plan 3 days a week and do Tabata sprints on two of the off days and I still do my kickbox/bootcamp class 2x week on off days as well.I also swtiched my eating up to incorporate some of Mark Sisson’s ideas, but I would say my plan is basically, “eat more of what Mark Sisson says to eat but don’t forbid my favorites”. I still eat Gummy Bears once a week. So far this has been very satisfying and seems sustainable–unlike my previous plan of starve for 2 months, look great for 2 weeks and then slowily gain the weight back over the next 2 months and . . . repeat cycle. . .. all the while increasing the amount of cardio I was doing and the time I spent at the gym which means less time with my kids.
It took your example of taking this leap to give me the courage to try it and I am fairly certain that it was probably harder for you to take this leap than most people. So thanks again.”
If anonymous made me cry a little out of sadness then Dusker made me weep a little from joy! I love it when people find a healthy way to eat and workout that works for their body. Also, Dusker, I’m totally not offended – I wear my crazy on my sleeve and will totally own being nuttier than most squirrels. And I love gummy bears almost as much as I love jelly beans!
So now I ask you guys – what advice do you have for anonymous? Anyone else get stuck in the run, eat, repeat cycle?
*I am aware that there is a running blog with a name similar to this but this post in no way references that blog. I’ve never read it and this is not a commentary on it. Side note: I think there should be a random blog name generator that spits out three fitness related words in an eat-pray-love effect. It’s like Mad Lib for health bloggers!
I’m currently stuck in that cycle myself. My friends and I do 2-3 hours of intense cardio and then another hour of weights at the gym daily. We’re young and without families (or much of a social life) so that this routine is viable for now, but I shudder to think of how change would destroy this routine. We’re addicted to the gym and we admit that freely; we go and work out so that we can stay thin and still eat whatever we want. Our friendship was struck by a meeting of sweat-filled eyes across the cardio floor and a commiserating doesn’t-this-suck-so-much grimace. It’s a vicious cycle and we had a whiney conversation the other day thinking about keeping this up for the rest of our lives. I’d love to break the cycle, but at this point it’s just comforting to stay in the same rut.
“Our friendship was struck by a meeting of sweat-filled eyes across the cardio floor and a commiserating doesn’t-this-suck-so-much grimace. ” Haha – this is pretty much how I met all the gym buddies!! And, when you are ready, you may find that shortening your workouts actually makes it easier to maintain your weight, since you won’t be as hungry:)
Okay, I have to come back to this. You likely already know this but I feel compelled to remind you that over-exercising can have life-long health consequences. I’m not sure what you and your friends’ health is like but cardio comes and goes but bone loss from prolonged amenorrhea (cessation of your menstrual cycle for 3 months or more) lasts forever! I was very lucky in that the physical effects I suffered from my ED reversed once I started being healthier but there are many who are not so fortunate. This is feels especially poignant to me right now since just a month ago I visited a dear friend who was in the hospital from a “heart incident” brought on by years of over-exercising. Not to get all dun-dun-dun! in here but I care about you:)
Eeeek!
Of course you can keep doing this for the rest of your life, but forget about having a family, social life and other hobbies. That’s how obsessions work.
“Eating is not good or bad. It’s a survival skill. Despite what all those yogurt commercials say, you are not a sinner for eating a piece of raspberry cheesecake. Nor are you a saint for eating a salad.” ahhhhh – hitting me right where it hurts!! 🙂 Thank you. First sentence is my new mantra. Happy Valentine’s Day – much love from Virginia!!
Happy Valentine’s Day to you too Tracy!
It’s really tough to find one’s way out of that trap. One should realize that one’s beauty and self worth do not depend on how much one exercises or eats. I guess the thing is to find a sane piece of advice that ‘clicks’ with you.
I just finished reading Catherine Shanahan’s book Deep Nutrition that really clicked with me. She doesn’t think food is evil or bad but rather that it is building blocks for you and your children. The book has made me really happy that I’m fortunate enough to eat all these gorgeous foods that nourish me and my future children… 🙂
Ooh I haven’t read that one! Sounds right up my alley – I’ll check it out!
That’s one of my all-time favourite books – I give it to newlyweds!
I know squat about ED thinking, but would reading some of Gary Taubes’ work (for example) help in expaining that calories in/calories out is bogus science and thus freeing Anon for the compulsion to work more calories out? Can that powerful focus on the body be redirected towards food quality once the causal pathways of adiposity are better understood?
Charlotte, I love this whole post. I run a lot, but I do it simply because I love it. I’m not out there because I’m trying to atone for the piece of cake I ate at work or because I heard it was the fastest way to burn calories. I do it because it’s fun and it makes me feel good. Whenever I come across someone who runs but hates it, I’m always like, THEN WHY DO YOU DO THIS? There are so many ways to be healthy and fit that don’t involve spending hours of your day engaged in an activity that you hate. I mean, most of us spend huge amounts of time at jobs we don’t like. Why would we spend our precious free time doing more things we don’t like? I don’t get it.
The second letter really got me so happy too, because I would so rather women drop the hours of endless cardio on machines and pick up some weights and eat some real food instead of that garbage processed diet crap. It sounds like the letter writer did that and she’s seeing the benefits. So good for her!
And I love this whole comment! I love it when people find what makes them happy and what feels good. This “I mean, most of us spend huge amounts of time at jobs we don’t like. Why would we spend our precious free time doing more things we don’t like?” is SO true!
Dropping the treamill suffer-fests has made me realize that I only LOVE to run when I can run outdoors with some good company. I do still use the treadmill for Tabatas–but only because it is the easiest way to monitor my speed/effort. Since dropping the daily 6 milers I’ve done a 5K with my husband and kids and did one 6 miler outside with my husband (we NEVER get to run together because of the kids–maybe 3x a year, so it’s really special–and we ran 6 when we only meant to do 4 because we were actually able to carry on an extended conversation). Loved every minute of those runs–truly glorious runs–and noticed zero drop in my running fitness.
And the Tabatas are love/hate but so worth it. It’s only 4 minutes! Yet my lungs still burn from my Tabatas at 5 a.m. this morning . . . and it’s lunchtime.
My new mantra is that exercise should enhance your life–not BE your life.
I have to leave my cozy basement gym for next month’s phase of Rachel C (I have no barbells or squat rack). I’ll be asking for some encouragement as I face the “real” gym. I have no workout buddies and I feel weird and out of place just walking near that part of the gym. Help me overcome my terror! Thank goodness for the internet.
You will love this phase!! And I’ll be your biggest cheerleader:) Yayay!
Amazing. Just, wow. Can I gush? I adore you and your blog. I can relate to your past struggles 100%! I too spent 2 yrs with exercise induced amenorrhea AND I am hypo. I too thought I had to run to eat and that eating was always either good or bad. I can’t say I am 100% healed from my eating issues, it is still a WIP, but I got to where I am today by using the exact same advice you are giving here. It’s legit. Life is far too short to spend it obsessing over calories in vs. calories out. And certainly too short to spend running if you HATE IT! I always ask myself, When I look back on my life, will attaining my goal weight be a triumph for me as I sit on my death bed? Or will I look back and say, ‘I wish I’d let myself live more. I wish I’d loved myself more. I wish I hadn’t cancelled so many plans in order to exercise and avoid restaurants” I am pretty certain that on most dying people’s list of regrets, “I wish I was 10 lb thinner” is not on the list. That is how I keep my perspective. Morbid? Perhaps. True? I think so.
“Or will I look back and say, ‘I wish I’d let myself live more. I wish I’d loved myself more. I wish I hadn’t cancelled so many plans in order to exercise and avoid restaurants” I am pretty certain that on most dying people’s list of regrets, “I wish I was 10 lb thinner” is not on the list. That is how I keep my perspective. ” I love this!! And I think everyone needs to be a bit morbid – we’re all on the same one-way journey after all;)
I’m so glad that you are finding your way through this!!
This is a great article, Charlotte! It’s one thing if one is a professional (or amateur ) athlete, like Micheal Phelps for example, where he eats 8000 calories a day sometimes to support his workouts, and quite another if one is caught in this dangerous cycle.
(I LOOOOOOOVE Mad Libs!!!!!! I’m so glad they’re popular again!)
I believe most of us think this way, even of it’s not to the extreme: “I had a slice of cake, so I’ll add an extra 15 minutes on the treadmill tonight.” I also think that since “extreme” workouts are popular right now we have the mindset that if we’re not pouring sweat, gasping for breath, and sore beyond the ability to move the next day that we’re not getting a good enough workout.
I was trying out one of Bob Harper’s DVDs, and he kept saying “You’re not gonna get results working out 10 minutes a day! You’ve got to do at least 60 minutes, hard core, if you want results!” And that made me sad. Then it made me mad, and I never did that workout again. IMHO, there’s no better way to turn people off from exercise than by that all-or-nothing attitude. Just the other day a client told me she comes to my class because she has osteoporosis and 2 fused vertebrae, and that I’m the only teacher who gives modifications she can use. Plus I don’t bully her into trying things that could hurt her. That made me feel good for me but badly for other clients.
Finally, I also blame programs like Weight Watchers, to an extent. I think it can be very helpful for some, but for others, the idea of adding on exercise in order to “earn” more food points can be a slippery slope.
Very interesting point about Weight Watchers! I hadn’t thought of it that way but you’re right, they’re pretty explicit about earning more food through exercise. And…Bob Harper is not my fave of all the celeb trainers;)
I struggle with the run to eat thing…sometimes.
I like to eat and exercise gives me a bit of leeway.
There are some days tho, I wish food could just be food.
I can’t run right now, but when I could, I went through a period of trying to make myself run even though I hated it, because all the skinny people were runners (if you just run and never do weights or anything else you will just breakdown muscle), and mountain biking and hiking just gave me “big” legs.
That is one thing being so sick I can’t exercise has done for me. When I am able to exercise, I do the things I love. I’m not going to waste that ability doing something I hate. And I appreciate the things I love (hiking, biking)more.
And it’s also force me to think a lot about food as fuel. Just because you aren’t exercising doesn’t mean you don’t need any fuel, or can eat crap. I’m doing everything I can to get healthy, and that includes eating health foods and lots of veggies. It’s not about the things I eat that I shouldn’t have, it is about the things I should eat that I don’t. I care way more about if I ate enough green veggies in a day than if I ate a piece of cake.
Of course, I’m not perfect with the eating thing. The not-exercising thing has definitely had a toll on my self image. The message is always to focus on what your body can do, and not what it looks like, but when your body can’t do anything and feels like it is slowly falling to pieces…to have to find another way to look at it. I haven’t really found that yet, other than the times where I am so preoccupied with my health and giving my body what it needs that I totally stop thinking of it as a body, and just individual systems (muscles, tendons, digestive system, nervous system etc.).
I love this: ” I care way more about if I ate enough green veggies in a day than if I ate a piece of cake.” It’s a mental shift I’m still working on making!
Oh me too. Most of the time I’m ok, but there are still times where all I think about is the cake and not the spinach!
Oh god, I was there for so long. I’d have to burn off every calorie that I ate at the gym, even if it took me hours. Of course this was in the throes of anorexia so please, anyone who thinks this is an unhealthy but still “okay” way to live, it’s not. This is purging via exercise and it can kill you. Period. Don’t be me either. I had to stop all forms of exercise completely for months to get over this and oh so slowly add back in small walks, etc.
And I’m still working on it years later. I think my exercising is still a bit compulsive these days. I only exercise around 5 hours a week (2 hours of weights, 2 hours of Zumba, and 1 hour of kickboxing) but I’m freaked out if I miss a workout and have to make it up. And I can’t just do 4 minutes of Tabatas or something because it has to be an hour. At the same time I know exercising is healthy and I’m a good weight and 5 hours really isn’t that much so shouldn’t I be trying to keep that up? Plus I enjoy what I do for those 5 hours. It’s enough to drive me crazy!
Sounds like you and I are about in the same place:) I’ve seriously cut down the length and frequency of my workouts (6 hrs/week here) but I too still *freak* if I have to miss one. I have to miss my usual Saturday workout this week and I’m working on just breathing through the anxiety and reminding myself that one missed day is fine. Heck, I could probably even use the extra rest.
Yes.
To all of this.
Especially the bit about eating salad not making you a saint.
I’m still trying to be okay with the fact that my body is happiest with tea, toast, peanut butter, and a bit of fresh fruit.
Seriously–when I deviate from that, things go badly for me.
It’s all about knowing your own body, isn’t it?
This: “my body is happiest with tea, toast, peanut butter, and a bit of fresh fruit.” is so interesting to me! I thought you were gluten intolerant? And yes, it is def. about seeing what works best for you!
Oh, no–the GF was something my doc wanted me to try,
and since it didn’t make a damn bit of difference,
I stopped after three months.
And man,
the pastry I ate the day I stopped the GF thing?
BEST. EVER.
Great tips! (listed them below) this blog makes some really good points. Health is the whole package, a combination of healthy eating habits and exercise.
*Stop weighing yourself
*Realize that you do not need permission to eat.
*Eating can make your body feel good or bad and it’s that sensation you need to learn to listen to.
*Exercise is not punishment.
After a few years of being a slave to the treadmill/crosstrainer/stationary bike (spending more than an hour on a crosstrainer is like watching paint drying, but more bouncy!), this year has been ‘the year’ where I’ve slowly but surely started to reduce my steady rate cardio. I’m not willing to give up sports, but they’re more sprint-and-stop than constant running anyway!
Having been in the same loop, I know that it is one of the worst mental gaps to be in, and getting out of it sucks. The big quote that everyone bandies about is that you’ll look and feel better in the end, but it doesn’t feel like that at the time, especially not when you do gain a couple of pounds at the very beginning of breaking the cycle. However, in Jan 2011 I was struggling to lose weight, exercising 2+ hrs/6 days a week and not eating all that much. Feb 2012, I exercise for 1hr/5 days a week, eat far more and weigh 10lbs less. I have no idea how that maths works, but what I do know is that I like it!
What a wonderful success story!! And this: “that you’ll look and feel better in the end, but it doesn’t feel like that at the time, especially not when you do gain a couple of pounds at the very beginning of breaking the cycle. ” is an excellent point. So true, it’s not smooth sailing all the way and it def. isn’t easy…
This is a hard one for people & I wrote about this recently but in a different way – people that think they can out train food – and unless you are a competitive athlete – well, you can’t eat more just because you exercise. To me, sounds like a dysfunctional relationship with food & maybe food obsessive. I understand that for sure when I looked forward to every single meal! Ye, I exercise more now so I ca eat more & basically with age & my height & also a bod that holds on to food, I don’t want to eat just 1200 calories a day so it is worth it to me…
I think this post can be very inspirational and I am sure that most people will be interested to read this then…
For your amusement, pertaining to this discussion: http://www.offthemark.com/cartoons/2011-06-30.gif
I could not agree more with your general point. Here’s the difference: people who exercises to burn off food are training for an eating competition.
Real athletes are eating for their training… or for a legitimate competition, like a race.
I know my mindset is healthy when I think ‘Hm, what can I eat so my workouts, and the rest of my day post-/pre-workout will feel better?’ rather than ‘What will I be able to eat after my workout?’
And people wonder why they don’t lose weight when they exercise purely to burn off calories. Well, it’s obvious: they’re training to eat. Their whole routine is focused on heightening their appetite!
Nice comment! +1!
Two brilliant points! This: “I know my mindset is healthy when I think ‘Hm, what can I eat so my workouts, and the rest of my day post-/pre-workout will feel better?’ rather than ‘What will I be able to eat after my workout?’” is an excellent way to put the distinction. And I never understood this: “And people wonder why they don’t lose weight when they exercise purely to burn off calories. Well, it’s obvious: they’re training to eat. Their whole routine is focused on heightening their appetite!” until just recently but it’s something I wish I’d figured out years ago…
I’m so flattered you find my comment insightful! You’re such a thoughtful writer and blogger–I appreciate the response.
BTW I love your blog and lurk often, though I personally don’t like eclectic/unspecific training and prefer to stick to my sport. I feel that’s my personal way to sanity: focus on performance (in my case, speed–I’m working on a sub-19:00 5k at the moment) instead of appearance. Focusing on how I feel is too nebulous for me, and I don’t love working out enough to do it purely for fun; I like competing. I guess you just enjoy the smorgasboard, eh? That is something I am curious about from time to time: your exercise goals. It seems hard to achieve anything big without focusing for more than a year on ONE thing.
Oooh that would make a good post topic! What are my exercise goals? My main one is live a happy, healthy life. (Isn’t everyone’s?) But I do have smaller goals. They used to be more achievement oriented (like run a mile under 6 minutes, which would be cake for you!) but now they are more experience oriented (like I want to try aerial yoga, krav maga and durian fruit before I die). It’s true that my ADD approach to fitness rules out being really good at any one thing but for me personally I’d rather be kind of good at many different things than great at one thing.
I get your point, I think. After all, I do need to consider what I would do if I couldn’t run. Backup exercise is important. I’m going to try adding in some swimming, in fact. I also do extra challenges, like working up to 100 consecutive pushups and doing a real pullup (not a chinup!), my goals of the moment.
Krav maga is amazing. You’d really like it.
I’d love to read a post about how you measure your fitness, though–overall, not just as a recap of challenges. A bunch of different ways? Certainly more than body composition, right? Also, a sub-6 mile isn’t cake for anyone–my D1 athlete brother can’t do one at the moment.
Soo funny you should ask about fitness assessments! The Gym Buddies actually have one we use every few months to measure progress and I wrote a post about it – set to go live early next week! I love tests;)
*people who exercise, not ‘exercises.’ Please excuse. It is late.
number three
number three
number three.
if only it were as easy as teaching ourselves IT IS JUST FOOD!
Nothing ever comes easy to me, especially things like this…:)
I used to run a lot, too, also to have permission to eat afterwards. But not only did I collect injuries I also never got the body I wanted and even gained weight.
Today I almost do not run at all and if so I do it HIIT Style.
Nowadays every other day I do a bodyrock workout and I am so happy with my body!!! Not in my wildest dreams could I have ever imagined that I could ever be so comfortable with my body! I am strong, self-confident, injury-free and I like how my body looks.
It is a miracle!
I love this:) Love, love, love!
I have to disagree about earning the right to eat anything you want and still sit on your butt. I don’t think its probably healthy for someone who sits at an office (raises hand) for 8 hours then goes home and watches another 4 hours of TV (still raising hand) to eat fast food. It just seems like a bad idea.
I think you misunderstood my point – eating what makes your body feel good and healthy and eating whatever you want are two separate things. And people who sit for 8+ do deserve to eat, just by virtue of being human – but I agree, eating fast food isn’t healthy and likely wouldn’t feel good to your body either!
My heart goes out to anyone who gets stuck on the treadmil of eating to workout and working out to eat.
I was stuck in this cycle for years and I finally broke free about 5 years ago.
I know it s selfless promotion, but I wrote an artile about this notion of the “cardio trap”
http://www.shapefit.com/exercise/the-cardio-trap.html
Hey I wanna hear your story! Off to read your post now…
Thanks for checking it out Charlotte. Means a lot that you take time time to read it.
I did read it but I didn’t see a place to leave a comment on your site. Anyhow – very powerful story! And it’s kinda nice to know that men get caught up in this stuff too. So glad you got out of that cycle!!!
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